Equanimity
by N-I-N-T
Summary: Growing up was hard enough without the implications of romance. How will Ash and his friends manage adulthood as their new aspirations spiral into chaos? Pokeshipping, contestshipping, rocketshipping. A sequel to Spitfire.
1. Chapter 1: Introduction

**(** ** **Edited** ****** ** _2018.06.07_** **)**

 **Notable changes: If you haven't read Spitfire, this may be at times hard to follow. Who ever said the first attempt had to be the final attempt?**

 ** **Disclaimer:**** I don't own Pokemon, the video games, anime, merchandise or any of the characters involved.

Genre: Adventure/Romance

Sub genre: Humor/Drama

Rated: M (for coarse language, suggestive themes, and alcohol)

Main pairings: pokeshipping, rocketshipping, contestshipping

Minor pairings: wishfulshipping, handymanshipping, cavaliershipping and Ikarishipping

 **All characters have been aged appropriately.**

 **A Sequel to Spitfire...**

 **Equanimity, Chapter 1**

Since the beginning, when Ash set out on his journey eight years ago, his life had been fairly simple: travel, train, battle. He worked hard, he trained hard, and the rewards were always worth it. With his victory in Kalos marking his first _real_ step to becoming a pokemon master, he felt like his goal was truly, finally, within reach for the first time since he started his journey at ten.

For once, he stood in the center of a the victory circle, signed his name and pokemon team among the long list of champions before him, and took his rightful place as regional champion of the Kalos league.

Ash Ketchum-a nobody from pallet town, five times runner up, winner of one unofficial league-turned league champion. Needless to say, he was an inspiration to all who watched him grow. An effigy of hope for starting trainers who struggled, for anyone with a brutal rival, and for all who failed time and time again.

He was the underdog, like many of the pokemon he helped along his journey, who finally _made it._

Victory was sweet and well deserved, and he had yet to meet anyone who said he didn't deserve the title of champion, including Alain, who he had a rematch with to obtain the title. Ash earned it. Through blood and sweat, and probably a thousand tears, he _earned his place_ among the table of champions.

When Ash was young, he thought that was it, that was his final task; reaching the point of champion would make him a pokemon master! Yet, it wasn't quite that simple. At the age of eighteen, Ash still had a lot to learn, many trainers to defeat, and none of that was offered by the league any longer.

Ash _finally_ stood as a champion, but it was both a blessing, and a curse that didn't come without sacrifices, only he was late to realizing it, and probably in some level of denial. After all, how could his entire pokemon journey and motivation come to a head, only to completely restart? That couldn't happen. Only after winning the title of league champion, the path he followed was no longer one, straight and narrow path, but a system of sharp turns with a hundred run offs into every direction. Did he stay, did he go?

 _Life wasn't as simple as travel, train, battle._

As glorious as the moment was when he took his spot upon the throne, his small world finally cracked, and the rest of the world flooded in around him piece by piece.

Initially, it started with his victory, a little under three weeks ago. Getting a rematch with Alain was easy enough after defeated Team Flame, but the event was hindered by a kiss from his traveling companion, Serena. The long, simple life led by optimistic Ash Ketchum, crashed into a never ending roller coaster of emotions, thoughts, and frustration.

 _He slipped from that straight and narrow path._

His list grew longer that day: Travel, train, battle, _think._

And he _thought_ a lot about the incident since it occurred. He thought even more about it when the events led to a celebration party a few days later at his house in Pallet Town, which threw him further into the abyss of the never ending roller coaster. Especially since thinking long and hard about situations wasn't his strongest feature.

Ash never realized before how complicated and fragile his friends emotions could be; how fragile his own could be. He went through many trials with the support of his former traveling companions; his _friends_. Each stood by his side for years, encouraging him to always do better, and when he had finally won, they were all there to support him.

Unfortunately, when life threw together a horde of hormonal teenagers, emotions were dynamite, and Ash was the match. He didn't _mean_ to set off the explosive reaction that eventually led to a very short lived relationship with Serena—if he could even have called it that—and the complications his friends now suffered from it.

When Serena kissed him at the end of his victorious battle, Ash's world opened to many new _experiences_ , but none of which he was ready for. Even now, he would argue he _still_ wasn't ready, but then something _small_ , something _unexpected_ , changed all of that.

The return of Misty.

At first, it was like they were kids again, making jokes, bickering like they used to, and celebrating. At the beginning, though, he never _knew_ about any of her feelings before they came to a head at the witness of his good friends Dawn and May; but hearing it jarred something long settled in the boy, and his list grew once more.

Travel, train, battle, think, _love_.  
He fell _in love_ with this hurricane of a woman who came back into his life like a storm in the middle of a heatwave to settle the flames. The feeling hadn't been new, hadn't even come as a surprise—not _really_ anyways. Ash had loved her a long time, they were best friends; but he had forgotten _how much_ that friendship meant.

Events clashed, and in the end she had still been standing there as strong and unwavering as always; his best friend became his girlfriend.

...still, the roller coaster never stopped., if anything. It started going faster.

The fracture in his dome had only spider webbed when the bubble he buried himself into burst, thus sending the simple-life trainer into a spiral of unknown territory. Ash was there now, staring directly into the full spectrum of life's beady, red eyes.

Ash Ketchum, the underdog, the champion, had a great deal of responsibility now. His victory wasn't just media reports and excitement. He had duties, and no lack of them in sight. As the league-proclaimed him as a hero and the 'greatest trainer' in the region, he was never short on tournaments to observe, meetings to attend, and new regulations to adhere. The top trainer of the league, the official second in command, league champion, had obligations he could only _barely_ understand, and now his personal life had taken him in a direction completely outside of battling.

So he had a relationship _and_ a job he had no idea about. Things were looking up, if he was at the bottom of the ocean, already drowning.

Misty was wonderful—at least he _hoped_. They had only been together a _day_ before their respectful positions separated them. Before that, they hadn't really spoke in _four_ years, while he _loved_ her, he was awestruck to understand _why_. Misty, a gym leader of the Kanto region, and he was the champion of a league that was nearly 2,000 miles away from the redhead. They hadn't had any time together, and Ash would be lying if he said that hadn't terrified him. What if three days hadn't been enough to reconcile what ever issues they had? What if more than friends was a dangerous rope to walk so close to responsibilities?

Job positions, battling, training aside, they agreed to meet whenever possible—but such a thing was made complicated by _several_ aspects of their lives that did _not_ revolve around pokemon.

The _main_ issue? Ash had no idea what he was doing, or what was excepted of him for _either_ new obligation. For many years he had been a traveler, a battler, and now he was... _something else_ completely.

From his seat in the second floor pokemon center, staring out into the marina of Coumarine City, he scratched the side of his face as Pikachu hummed silently in his sleep. Waiting for Misty to arrive on their previously scheduled date, Ash envied the small rodent; sleep didn't come easy anymore, he had too many thoughts in his once unoccupied brain.

"...Ah, what am I gonna do now?" Ash muttered, laying his head back as the sound of his new _fan girls_ screamed up at him.

Now that the dust was settling, that Ash was finally staring the thing called ' _growing up'_ directly in the face, he was only plagued by more questions, more problems, and more emotions.

Ash was a young adult, supporting himself in the ever growing, ever expanding world. When he was little, hell, even a few days ago, he thought he would chase his dreams for the rest of his life—pushing into a never ending cycle of adventures. Yet, life wasn't so simple anymore, and it never would be again. There weren't paths to follow, or guidelines to live by. He was plunged into eternal darkness, and while he was happy about winning, about his newfound courtship, about his friends, and training, something deep-rooted inside of his chest felt amiss. Partly because he wasn't ready? Maybe because he was afraid of failure? Those things never scared him before, Ash ran headfirst into every challenged, prepared to win, or prepared to lose. _Fear_ was not in his vocabulary. But something was different.

Everything changed, and it all started with a kiss.

 **Author's Note: (2018-06-17)**

I edited my already edited chapter 1, look at me. Being so practical.

Turns out after I read this one, I actually enjoyed it enough that I didn't change too much about it.

Something to mention though, this story was originally started before XYZ ended, so there are some continuity issues I'm going to rectify. If you're just starting this story as of 2018, lol. **PLEASE BARE WITH ME.**

This goes back and forth for awhile in the story, (To the extent of being confusing) So I want to clear this up here. The way I see things working in this universe, is simply winning the league doesn't make you the final champion. I have dictated poorly throughout this story that winning the league makes you the League Champion, not the Regional champion. To become the regional champion, a trainer would have to defeat the Elite Four, like in the games, which is where some of the problems arise later in the story, that weren't properly highlighted before. Ash hasn't challenged the Elite Four of the Kalos region, and therefore is only a league champion. Typically, it would be easy enough to fix this, but then I would have to edit all of Spitfire, that did not include Ash battling the Elite Four. So, Ash is a League Champion. Not a Regional Champion.

 **I've already said this on my profile, but I need to edit this before I can continue to move forward. There is so much about the first 25ish chapters that I need to fix before I can be comfortable moving on with the story. I'm trying my best. Lol.**

As my typical disclaimer—I write my stories for myself and if other people like them—AWESOME. So, while you may or may not agree with everything that I do, please respect me, and I'll respect you. That being said, if for some reason down the line you lose interest in this story (if you haven't already, lol) Leave me a review so that I can clarify/justify specific plot points that may have deterred you. I cannot change this, but it helps me improve as a writer. Thank you in advance.

NINT


	2. Chapter 2: Ash

**Equanimity, Chapter 2: Week two**

 _So... what's it like to grow up?_

 _Two_ weeks after his celebration party _that_ was the question an eighteen year old Ash asked himself while he stood near the Coumarine City docks with his hands stuffed into his pockets. Pikachu perched on his shoulder, pressing a single paw against the top of Ash's hat while his trainer kicked his feet, waiting for the familiar whistle of the boat arriving at the dock. In the distance, Ash saw a ferry of at least a thousand passengers and a _billion_ rooms was arriving into the harbor. The crashing of the ocean beneath the metal plates drew breath into his otherwise empty lungs and he exhaled softly. His heart pounded against his rib cage as the salty wind whipped through his black hair leaving the soft fragrance of sea life pressed into his nostrils.

The rail gave way, relieving passengers one by one as they streamlined into single formation down the small path provided by the harbor. _She_ walked out at the back of the line, her red hair illuminated in the direct glow of the sunlight. Ash's breath hitched in his throat, while pikachu pat his head supportive.

"Pika pi..." Ash nodded in response to the small pokemon and then started his descent into the docks, past the stair ways.

Legs shaking and arms throbbing, he cut through the swarming crowd, pushed through reuniting couples, old friends, and even a few families as he B-lined to the yellow-vested girl. She had stopped a short ways after the exit, holding a red bag over her shoulder and stared into the crowd of people, looking for him the way he looked for her.

She had her hand raised above her forehead to block the sun, and while she couldn't see him yet—he could see her. The red head wore her short hair down flat, as usual, and wore black, fingerless gloves that matched her black tank top beneath a mid-riff yellow vest. It was zipped to the turtle neck and was lose enough to present a tomboyish personality, but chic enough to demonstrate her feminine side. He could see her stomach slightly where her dark blue jeans hugged her hips tightly, and framed her long, slender legs down to her ankles where they flared slightly, covering most of her black and red boots. Her appearance, a feature he long ignored until recent events, jarred his vocal cords loose.

"Mis..." His voice bellowed, but couldn't be heard over the bustling crowd, instead, he reached out for her in a wave that caught her attention as the yellow pokemon on top of his head became ever apparent.

She moved so gracefully, cheer forming in her eyes as her fingers laced together in front of her stomach; her hair swayed ever so gently in the breeze of the wind, a twinkle so apparent near her flushed face. The corners of her mouth tugged upward, and Ash could feel his heart go awry. Before he knew it; his loving-struck gaze had turned against him and his center of gravity had shifted several steps back.

"...tyy!" he yelped, slamming down hard against the ground. Pikachu bolted from his shoulder right before the trainer's face smashed against the wooden planks with an ever president _thump_. Misty snorted, holding her fingers up to her lips to stifle her chuckle as she watched Ash tumble and fall.

"Hi, Ash." She mused teasingly, squatting beside him to poke at his beet red face and outstretched arms.

"Chaaa" Pikachu laughed while climbing up Misty's arm so familiarly and taking perch on her right shoulder. She smiled down at Ash, which only increased his embarrassment as he tucked his hat down over his eyes. What a way to start the day.

 **Xoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxo**

"Do you make a habit of greeting people face first?" She mocked him playfully as they left the harbor. Ash held an ice pack to his face and grumbled about a sore, possibly broken nose. Misty poked his side, eliciting a growl from the younger trainer who only rolled his eyes at her abrasive, unforgiving nature.

"Every time. The ground and I share a special bond." He grumbled sarcastically,removing the ice pack from his face long enough to earn a wince from the girl beside him.

"You're going to go on TV with that bruise..." She said matter of fact before stopping him in his tracks to take a closer look. The woman in the first aid office barely spared Ash a second look before kicking him out of the small shack and out into the world. He groaned, feeling her slender fingers touch his face.

"It doesn't seem to be broken." Misty offered, waving closer to his face than he was comfortable with. His breath froze in his chest as her eyes drew close to his and squinted.

"If we apply some cover up, you won't even be able to tell it is a bruise." She grinned deviously, causing Ash to go a shade of red as he sprung away from her, pressing the ice pack against his face once more.

"I am not wearing make up!" He shouted, catching a few people's attention as he led way into the city streets while Misty followed closely.

"But Assshhh," She cooed his name, giving him a chill. "I thought you liked dressing up like a girl?" She played and he snapped at her.

"I was ten when I did that!" He yelped and then slapped his hand over his mouth for having yelled at her.

The red-face expression only fueled her further as she found herself giggling and wrapping her arm around his, satisfied by his reaction. The touch of her bare skin against his made his body catch fire. All hairs stood on end and his eyes locked at the connection point while she pulled him into the main street of Coumarine City.

"So, what is there to do in Coumarine City?" Misty asked, sparing a single glance to Ash

The noon sun was high enough that Ash knew the sky was the limit. However, this city wasn't his target, no, tomorrow they would be in Lumiose city, where the Prism Tower was located- the closest living architecture that mimicked the Eiffel tower, a place Misty had gushed about since they were children. Only, he had to somehow manage to complete all of his trainer duties, attend regional meetings, and _walk_ there while also entertaining his _girlfriend._

Oh, boy. Being Kalos Regional champion was a blast. He slapped his forehead, having been caught up in his own thoughts long enough that Misty raised her eyebrows and alerted him with a "hmm?" noise. Under her radiant gaze, he broke. There was also the fact that he _hadn't_ told Misty there was a change in their plans.

"Actually, we need to hit the road if we're going to make it to Lumiose City before the tournament hosting tomorrow morning..." Ash said glumly, looking at Misty from the corner of his eye with an expression of pure defeat. He had _promised_ to make her visit worth while, that they would visit the islands and ride on the monorail...but that was before he realized how busy this week was going to be—if he hadn't missed her like crazy, he might have even canceled.

Misty pointed to the monorail station in question; "We can always take the train if you need, Ash. It's not a big deal."

Ash sighed heavily, lowering his shoulders before shaking his head gently. "The walk is so much nicer though..."

She inhaled with quirked eyebrows; "You're broke aren't you?"

"Completely." he said scratching the side of his cheek bashfully.

"How?! What happened to all of that prize money?" Misty quipped, yanking on Ash's shoulder and spinning him around to face her.

"Well... I sort of had... outstanding debts to pay back."

"On what?"

"I've been traveling for eight years, Mist; obviously my mom hasn't been able to pay for _everything_." Ash whined, trying to use pikachu as a shield for cover from the enraged female. She brushed her hand against her face in defeat and shook her head.

"Alright, that's fair enough." She sighed, folding her arms begrudgingly. "But doesn't the Kalos League pay you now?"

"Yeah, but not until the end of the month. It's a salary thing or something." He muttered asMisty laughed inwardly at Ash's lack of information. She supposed most new league champions didn't know what was expected of them right away; and since Ash wasn't used to having any responsibility whatsoever, he was probably stressed, on top of everything else.

Unconsciously, they had walked into the street, moving towards a pokemon center as they talked.

"Man, I bet you miss being the Orange League champion now." She mused, "Weren't you just supposed to mail a post card every so often and then they would send you a check?" She giggled with a cheery grin. Ash could only glare in response—no, the orange league never paid him because it was never an official league, and Misty _knew_ that. His lips pursed.

"What about you? Don't you have money?" He asked shamefully. She nearly choked, and stared at him with wide eyes.

"I paid to get here via ferry, Ash; my pockets aren't very deep, you know. Kanto isn't known for it's well-paid gym leaders."

"That's why you won't hire help?" He chimed in mockingly, eyebrows raised. Misty sighed, but couldn't argue with him. He could see the faint trails of black rings tugging under her eyes even though she tried to cover them with make-up. He knew how hard she worked; even if it was only something he was learning _now_.

"I can't afford help. My sisters put the gym into so much debt over the years." Misty paused and rubbed her temples, eliciting a nervous laugh from Ash.

"You remember that under water ballet? Yeah, they were giving out _free_ tickets under the belief that the league was going to pay them for putting the shows on."

"Oh no... how long did it take them to figure out they were wrong?" Ash murmured, troubled.

"Not soon enough." Misty grimaced. "They tried to make back the money by preforming _more_ shows, but the cost was simply too much and the labor too extensive." Misty's voice pitched in the middle, reaching a slow calm as she neared the end of her sentence. Having grown comfortable with her arm hooked in his, he slipped his fingers down her wrist, and laced their fingers together in support. Misty smiled warmly at the touch, though it wouldn't last long as the pokemon center doors open.

"Oh my god, is that him?!" They heard a shrill voice scream from the corner of the center. Ash's face fell automatically while he turned to see a group of females holding pictures of his face. Nurse Joy stood in the back, trying to calm the waves of people, but the girls held no bounds.

"It is him!" Another screamed and Ash's loving embrace turned into one of distress.

 _Right, he forgot about that_. Panic fueled Ash's next action as he tugged a shocked Misty from the door and down the street.

Ash never thought he would have _fan girls_ but apparently, being the young, 'influential man' that he was, the media, mostly girl media, dubbed him as a genius-stud all through Kalos, so his visits were always plagued with... He heard another scream from behind him and whipped Misty through and alleyway behind one of the shops that would lead through town.

"Ash we didn't even stop for supplies!" Misty yelled, obviously not seeing the issue, but apparently, she had never seen rapid fan girls before. His first few days were plagued with them, and their sharp nails left small cuts on his arms that still burned at the memory.

"Believe me when I say we don't need supplies as much as we need to leave." He warned her, looking back at her briefly as she rolled her eyes.

"Jeeze, maybe we should skip formalities and just call you 'Gary Jr.'?" Misty joked sarcastically as Ash came to a blazing stop at the end of the ally, near the corner of the main street. He reeled his head back to look at her and raised an eyebrow alongside a mischievous grin.

"Would you be wearing a cheer leading outfit?" He mused playfully, getting a raised eyebrow of confusion from Misty.

"...what?" her face turned scarlet at the sudden, abrasive question, earning Ash a wide grin. "No!" She yelped getting a laugh in return as he darted from the alleyway with her in tow. His face a flesh pink while hers remained scarlet as he ducked and weaved through the city streets until finally reaching a fence at the forest line.

Misty's hands were on her hips by this point as she looked up skeptically. "Are you sure this is the right way?"

"Positive! We just have to jump over the fence, head straight and in about ten minutes we'll be right on the trail to Lumiose City." He was already half way up the fence when he spoke, reaching the top in record time where he put his foot through the rungs for support and then turned himself around to face Misty. He extended his hand.

"...This may be the most romantic thing you've ever done." Misty added sarcastically with a roll of her eyes. However, she took his hand regardless, squeezing it as he yanked her up to the top rungs, and then she hoisted herself over the lip of the fence and then fell into the forest below with a thud.

"Jeeze, Mist, haven't you jumped a fence before?" Ash grinned, pushing off the top of the fence with little effort, and landing just as easily. Misty, who rubbed her backside painstakingly, glared at Ash while he stood beside her with his hands on his hips confidently.

"Should I be worried that you're so _good_ at jumping fences? Are you going to tell me next that you can pick locks and hot wire cars?" His grin fell at her snarl and he folded his arms with a pout, looking away from her.

"I may know some of those things..." He offered slyly.

"Oh please! Like hell you do." Misty groaned, throwing up her arms as he grinned down at her and maneuvered to help her up.

"I'm glad I wore jeans after all." She grumbled, and Ash wiped his nose as pikachu plopped down from his arm, and started the trudge into the forest. Hearing the sound of buzzing, Misty groaned once again, following the rodent. All she needed to make her day that much better were _bugs_.

"Don't tell me you lost your sense of adventure." Ash mocked her, rearing around her as she walked into the unfamiliar shrubs of the forest floor; large trees quickly enveloping them and the sounds of young girls screaming dying out behind them as the forest took its hold.

"I haven't lost anything; I just hope we don't end up getting lost, because I _do_ have to leave tomorrow evening, if you remember."

Ash's face fell while she pushed a low hanging branch out of her way. He followed close and lowered his eyebrows sadly.

"Don't remind me." Ash offered sadly, but Misty didn't have it in her to reply, so instead, she let the sounds of the forest envelope them. Soon enough, only the sound of their trudging feet echoed in their ears, along side the crunch of twigs and fallen leaves. The trees danced in the wind above them and Ash could hear the sound of her gentle breathing until it halted.

"Wow, you _were_ right." She feigned amazement as she pointed up ahead before stepping over a larger bush, and flat footing onto a dirt path that ran through the forest where pikachu danced cheerfully on the path. "Did you develop a sense of direction?" Misty asked sarcastically with a blink. Ash pouted and followed her onto the path.

"I've always had a sense of direction." He argued with a slight grin.

"Ash, we got lost in a forest for five days before. I nearly developed hay fever." Misty retorted with a scowl that equaled Ash's amusement.

"Hey, you could have said something to get use out." he matched her scowl while point forward at the direction they needed to go.

"I tried!" Misty rolled her eyes and placidly started down the path in the direction of Lumiose City. "But you, Mr. pokemon master, always knew the way." She waved him off as he followed after her with a frown.

"That's because I knew there was a way! But not how to get there." He offered in his defense through deep throaty chuckles, though Misty only stuck her tongue out at his reply, as if saying that wasn't enough of an answer.

"Oh man, I can foresee this being a long walk already, pikachu." Ash groaned playfully, following her step for step down the path as they passed light insults and teases at one another to pass the time.

 **Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo**

"Alright, you win the bet, Ash. I'm done." Misty sighed, keeping her hand held high as she came to a stop about an hour after sun set. Ash stopped to look back at her as she hunched forward, pressing her hands on her knees tiredly. Ash looked forward, not entirely sure that they traveled far enough for the night. Lumiose was still a good two to three hour walk away, which meant they would have to have a super early morning. Ash pinched the bridge of his nose, but then decided to approach Misty.

"That'll be ten bucks." Ash mocked playfully, sort of guiding her to the cover of a tree—the sky was dark tonight, no moon provided light, and so they sat in darkness as Misty fell with a loud sigh.

"You'll get it when I get my twenty for winning the bet about the ponytas."  
"That was years ago!" he nearly shouted, but knew better than to yell in the dark forest. Misty sighed.

"So?" She questioned, and Ash could only very dimly make out the expression of her raised eyebrows before she looked away and hunched over to rub her ankles. "I forgot how strenuous it can be to walk all day, my legs are killing me."

"Don't you swim everyday?" Ash asked suddenly, catching Misty by surprise. If it was brighter, he might have seen that she was blushing.

"That's a bit different though, Ash." She said, the breathless tone of her voice causing shivers to run down his spine. He felt a bit guilty for walking into the night—he forgot that tonight would be a moonless night, otherwise, he would have suggested stopping before night fall.

"We should probably set up camp, or something." Ash suggested, to which Misty nodded her agreement and stood up slowly. They separated without another word, motionlessly piling together some firewood, a few larger rocks to contain the fire, and then without much trouble at all, as if it hadn't been nearly five years since the last time she had to, she started the fire. Soon, the bright blaze of the orange and yellow fire roared in the make-shift fire pit, and Misty waved her hand in front of her face before collapsing back into the dirt. Limply, her right hand laid down on her stomach and Ash found his way beside her before revealing the fruit in his hands.

"We have some berries and some type of apple, I think." He offered, though she didn't seem so eager to take them, pikachu took an apple without a second thought. After a brief silence, full of chewing noises by pikachu and Ash, Misty sat up again and looked side-ways at the young man.

"It's been years since I've done this, Ash." She muttered, looking at the fire sadly. "I haven't seen a campfire since before I was a teenager."

Ash munched on some berries, and gave her a wide-eyed, brows raised look and pursed his lips; "You could always come back, you know."

"Then who would run the gym?" She questioned with a vibrant, dazzling smile. He swallowed the mouthful, and closed his eyes slightly.

"Good point." He offered a handful of fruit to the young woman, and she took a few berries happily and plopped them into her mouth, but then shuddered at the taste.

"Ash, what are these?"

"Wild berries...?" He muttered and she shook her head.

"They're so sour." she chuckled, shaking her head at her own complaints.

"They're not in season." he playfully rolled his eyes. "Here, have an apple instead." He offered with a slight smirk, already familiarized with the taste of the sour berry himself, he didn't seem to mind the difference.

Misty rolled her eyes at him, but accepted the apple, where they once again sat in absolute silence. She had become accustomed to a certain bout of life, that while she loved to travel, she also loved her bed back at home. Crickets played in the background, humming the dark overtone of the forest while Misty tossed the apple core into the fire to watch it burn; Ash did the same with his, as did pikachu.

The quiet finally getting to him, Ash rubbed his hands together. "Sorry about having to bail so quickly..." He muttered, knowing that it hadn't been apart of the plan to travel like this. Misty shrugged.

"It doesn't matter. If anything, Lumiose City provides cheaper passage to Cerulean City with the large airport there." Misty suggested calmly, pulling her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. She looked at Ash and offered him a cheery smile that stole his breath. "I only wish you had told me sooner so that I could have better prepared, and, I don't know..." for a moment, he thought she would be sincere as the fire illuminated her features, but her stoic face caught him off guard.

"...Wore sneakers." She finished flatly, and Ash couldn't stop himself from laughing.

She gestured to her boots as she removed them. Ash stifled his laughter with the flat of his hand, and then grinned at Misty who shook her head mutely.

After two weeks apart, he was glad that not much had changed.

"I missed _this_." he muttered, referencing the laughter shared around the fire.

Their hands twitched beside one another, close enough to grab-but he wasn't so sure he was allowed to; and if he was, how he was supposed to make that happen. Her nonchalant nature calmed his nerves, but at the same time created a million different questions on how he was supposed to act. Where Misty was quick of wit, generally crazy, easy to anger, and yet mature enough to know the appropriate time to be any of those three things, she was also very forgiving of his greater flaws—such as planning; she always had been. It made the whole scenario in which he had a long list of responsibilities a little less painful, and so he tried to reach for her, only to have her move forward at the same time, and his hand to touch air. He scratched his head uncomfortably, withdrawing his attempt.

"We still have to set up the tent, too." He nodded sadly, to which Misty raised her eyebrows while warming her toes by the fire.

"Since when does Ash Ketchum sleep in a tent?" She asked while tucking her hands between her knees and looking up at him. The reflection of the fire in her sea green eyes bore holes into his skull and he had to look away.

"Since I realized thieves and wild pokemon are a very real threat."

"...and a tent would help you how?" She mocked, nudging him and sending a shiver down his spine.

"Why? Do you not want a tent?" He grumbled, but surprisingly, she flopped backwards and extended her arms outward.

"No." She said breathlessly. "You can't see the stars inside of a tent."

Ash's face flushed, and quickly, he too, fell backwards besides her to look up. Even in the dark of the night, the twinkle of the stars above made themselves forever luminescent. Ash had grown accustomed to sleeping inside that he almost forgot how little he actually _needed to_. Ash's entire journey with Brock and Misty was nearly devoid of tents unless absolutely necessary—and in the Kanto region, which was known for its warm seasons, it was rarely. He smiled fondly up at the night sky while Misty twisted her hands together on her stomach, he missed looking at the stars.

"is it-""Mist..."

They looked over at one another, having started to speak at the same time, and laughed earnestly.

"You first." Misty spoke first but Ash shook his head having lost his nerve as he flushed and turned away from her.

"No it's alright, go ahead." She shrugged in response, and returned her gaze the sky as pikachu pandered around their heads and found perch on Ash's stomach.

"Is it weird traveling by yourself?" Her voice trailed and Ash could only purse his lips carefully.

"No, not really. I always have pikachu with me, so I'm never really alone." he replied, patting the mouse pokemon and hearing a soft 'chaa' in response.

"I guess so." Misty offered, thinking about his suggestion to 'come back'. It was clearly not an option right now, but someday... she bit her lower lip, maybe someday she could again, if luck would have her. Habitually, her hand found his to stroke the length of his thumb mindlessly while they looked up at the sky, completely trapped in their own minds. The moment her hand laced around his own, the nerves in the back of his mind screamed. Was this awkward? Should she say something?

Had the events of two weeks ago actually happened, or were they lost in a lull of imagination that tempted them once again with sweet release? Technically, up until Misty called him two days ago, they hadn't spoken—not really. Ash's pokegear didn't have signal in most of his traveled places, and Misty couldn't afford international messaging and calling, and so she was stuck with emails. She inhaled sharp—emails Ash never replied to. Up until the moment she got onto the ferry to travel here, she had a faint, sickly doubt that Ash changed his mind, one that kept her up in the middle of the night pestering her. Yet, here they were now, as if nothing had happened—neither good, nor bad—they were like neutral ground. Platonic. She stopped moving her finger, an action that brought Ash back to reality to face her. Ash watched her eye twinkle at the night sky, and he inhaled.

"I guess if we're going to be up to travel tomorrow, we should get to bed." He suggested and Misty laughed nervously.

"I suppose so." She suggested, sitting up once again to poke at the small fire and break the wood apart so it would fall and diminish; in the meantime, Ash flipped open his backpack and pulled out his familiar blue sleeping bag and rolled it out beside the fire. Misty curled her knuckle beneath her chin and watched him with great attention as he tugged at the strands and fluffed it out carefully.

"You still have that tent?" She asked nervously, to which Ash blinked up at her.

Ash stuck his tongue out at her playfully, "I thought you didn't like tents?"

"Err..." her face flushed, redder at the reflection of the fire, "I didn't bring a sleeping bag with me." She muttered, causing Ash to fall over into the dirt where he sat up quickly and eyed her.

"What do you mean?" He gasped.

"I didn't think we were going to be leaving the city, so I didn't bring one. It's not like I thought you had a meeting in the next city over." She grumbled, pouting her lips as she looked away from him. His jaw dropped and his face turned scarlet red, watching her casual gaze. His mouth moved before his mind could catch up.

"We could..." He gulped nervously, losing his nerve until pikachu pushed him slightly to speak, "...share..." he squeaked, twiddling his fingers together. Misty looked at him with raised eyebrows and lowered eyelids, as if asking him 'really?'

"Ash, you look like you're going to explode from the suggestion. I'll be fine."

"No way! You can't sleep without cover. I'll sleep on the dirt and you can have the bag." While speaking he had collected his bag from the dirt and nearly threw it at her, almost catching the fire several times as she kicked it out of the way to avoid the flames. His notion was sweet, and Ash like, but it was still dangerously close to neither of them having a sleeping bag.

"Watch what you're doing!" She choked before fanning him to set it back down. He remained standing, red-faced and eager. Misty sighed. "It's fine just..." her face turned red as well. "Just sit down, we can share." She assured him.

After a few struggling moments, both bodies entangled their way into the confines of the blue sleeping bag which Misty had zipped up carefully so that they were snug. Ash's arms were crossed over his chest as he laid on his back while Misty struggled to make room, swearing at her jeans for their constricting binds that shorts would otherwise ignore. Tired, she finally sighed, rolling onto her side to look at Ash, who looked terrifyingly into the night sky. Misty propped her chin up on her hand and her elbow on the dirt.

"This is a nice ice breaker, don't you think?" She asked skeptically with both eyebrows raised, her lips drawn into a foxy smirk. Ash shuddered at the closeness of her voice, as well as the fact that her _entire_ body was pressed against his own. Pikachu laughed at them from his own blanket made up of Ash's backpack and Ash couldn't help but glare at the mouse pokemon. _Yeah, real funny._

"Sure..." he swallowed, squeezing his eyes shut. Misty's gaze never faded.

"You know, if you lay on your side this would be a lot more comfortable for the both of us." She offered, watching his eyes snap open once again. Beads of sweat would have poured from his neck if he wasn't terrified of doing so.

"Sorry." he grumbled awkwardly shifting to his left side so he was facing her, rather than facing away from her. She relaxed a bit more, easing beneath the cover and narrowing her eyes at him.

"At least we have a funny story to share with our friends?" She wagered and Ash's face only grew more red. She sighed at his anxious behavior and the question pawing at her chest all night burst from her mouth before she could retract it.

"Ash, are we okay?"

"We?" he echoed awkwardly.

Misty's gaze shifted, "Yeah, I mean like _us_." She said while her face flushed pink.

"Oh." Ash added and then looked at the dying fire. "I think so. Aren't we?"

Misty smiled at his evasive nature and rolled her shoulders gently. "I guess so." She said, and then nuzzled her head against Ash's chest which nearly threw him into a catatonic state as she exhaled, her hot breath heating him from the outside in. Of course they were okay, weren't they? Why would she ask that. He inhaled and exhaled awkwardly at the feeling of her head pressed against his chest.

"I just..." He mumbled, feeling her arm snake around his waist to pluck at his arms. "I've never shared my sleeping back with another person before."

Misty chuckled, "It's not that big of a deal."

Ash scowled; "What do you mean? Have you?"

"Well, with my sisters, yes. Several times. There were even a few short years of my life when I had to share a bed with Violet." She chuckled at the memory, feeling Ash's tense muscles relax as her fingers traced up and down his arm.

"That's different." Ash muttered, but Misty could only smile.

"Is it?" She egged him on, watching the blush return to his cheeks.

"...err.." was all he managed before Misty peered up at him, and gently pressed her lips against his without warning. His entire body caught fire, and his eyes went wide, lasting until she separated and ducked her head back down playfully.

"Good night, Ash."

He swallowed hard when she eased against his body, exhausted from the day's walk.

"'night." he choked on his words.

 **xoxoxoxxoxooxxoo**

It took a long time for Ash to relax, for the awhile he was frozen, listening to Misty breath, starting as short breathes until they drifted into the slow inhale of deep sleep. When sleeping, the spontaneous, full of vigor red-head looked complacent; peaceful. An oddity, Ash thought while he moved to brush a strand of her shortened hair from her face; counting down the days until she would start wearing it up again. He exhaled as she shifted, and Ash grimaced; unable to find a comfort zone, he hung as far away from her as possible, pressed against the opposite end of the sleeping bag. What a stupid idea to suggest sharing—now how was Ash supposed to sleep? Forget having never shared his damn sleeping bag before, he never shared _with a girl_ ever! This was quite possibly the closest he had ever been to a girl, to _Misty_ and the more he stared at her, the more he started to feel like Brock.

Was it wrong to stare at her while she was sleeping? Nervous, Ash looked back up to the sky, listening to her breathe beside him. He inspired himself and held it for a moment; great, even when she was asleep she drove him insane. Every nerve in his body burned and his muscle screamed at him to run—and he just might have! If doing do wouldn't wake the sleeping beauty beside him.

Ash laid awake for hours, surviving the red embers of the fire and into the wee night when the frosty wind started to tuck at his face. He couldn't see her face when she shivered and moved closer to him; causing spikes to run up his body, but her warmth was all too welcome. Too exhausted to panic, he limped into her curvy body, and accepted his fate.

This was his life now. Partially cold, terribly uncomfortable, and sharing a single person sleeping bag with her.

When Ash woke up the next morning, bright and early as the sun rays, they were in quite the different position. Misty had twisted in her sleep, her back pressed against Ash's chest, and his arms were wrapped around her in a hug while his face buried deep into the nook of her neck. Exhausted still, he was sure he only had a few hours of sleep; his eyelids still weighed heavy and he blew into her hair bitterly.

"...Are you awake?" Misty called, trying to twist away from him, but he held her firm with a sincere grumble.

"No." he muttered, squeezing her tighter; unable to leave the warmth that her body offered, he was entirely unsure of what his reasoning for not wanting to sleep beside her was—because if he was nervous before, fatigue killed his nerves with a swift kick and he was wrapped up with her. She didn't seem as pleased, however, mocking his tight grip by stretching her arms out. Ash grunted in response.

"That was the longest I've slept in weeks." Misty sighed wriggling beside him to break free of his arms.

Ash huffed,"I'm glad you slept."

"You didn't?" her voice pitched worriedly as she froze.

"...gmhmm." He grunted painfully in return, unwilling to tell her that he was up all night freaking out about touching her. Funny, it was such a big deal, and now, here he was, latched onto her like a toddler to its mother as if all of his anxiety meant nothing. Misty, having caught onto this, pursed her lips.

"Ash, if we don't get up, we're going to be late for your meeting—and look, even pikachu is ready." Misty chimed in pointing at pikachu who playfully wore Ash's cap on top of his head. Once again, the sleeping boy grunted in response, and refused to let go of her. With a little under three hours of sleep, he wasn't sure there was a lot that _would_ wake him up.

So, Misty tried again. "Don't you think we're _a littl_ e close?" She suggested, tapping her fingers on the dirt. Ash shook his head wordlessly.

"Let me rephrase that;" She cleared her throat, and twisted in Ash's arms, their bodies resistance against one another suddenly cluing him in and he chilled slightly, eyes snapping wide open.

"Don't you think _you're_ a little close?" She muttered and Ash was out of his sleeping back before she had time to blink; she thumped against the ground as Ash scampered forward, collecting his bag, his hat, slipping his shoes on and running away from an unimpressed Misty and their small camp without a second thought. His face was scarlet when he looked briefly back at Misty who struggled to pull her shoes on.

"You forgot your sleeping bag!" she shrieked.

"You hold onto it!" He screamed back uneasily, wanting to keep as much distance between them as possible while Pikachu scratched his head, having stayed behind with Misty. She shuffled together the sleeping back into her backpack as Ash suggested, and threw the now-heavier bag over her shoulders with a loud huff as she took off after the dark haired trainer.

"C'mon pikachu, we have to catch up to your-" she inhaled and cupped her mouth, "-immature trainer!" She yelled and Ash nearly tripped, but kept going, tugging the bill of his hat down over his eyes.

"Pika..." The small mouse uttered, watching his friends exchange.

 **Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo**

They didn't talk about that morning, it was taboo and awkward, and Ash would _absolutely_ not talk to Misty about _that_ until he absolutely _had_ to. It was not like he had control over it. Talking about it would only make it weird—he was barely comfortable enough to mention it to Brock, which meant that Misty was _completely_ out of the question. However, she wasn't quick to reiterate the awkward moment either, in fact, she seemed totally content as they shared the last of their sandwich from yesterday's dinner and muttered back and forth to each other about the weather and the time. The trail grew increasingly less of trees the closer they came to Lumiose City, the urban areas taking precedent over fields. They could see the tower in the distance, and Misty had to literally force down her squeal of excitement.

"We're going there, right?" She mused happily, pointing up at the tower.

Still a little shaken up, he stammered his reply; "..Yeah, when I'm finished with routine meetings."

"Yaaaay!" she squealed elating her happiness. Ash had to chuckle at the twinkle that formed in her eyes at the notion. Eight years, and still any prevalence associated with France brought an undeniable spark.

After several minutes of walking, they approached the Kalos League headquarters, a large building with over a thousand employees and ranging over three blocks of area. Ash looked up with amazement at the sparkling building, and Misty did as well. Neither had the fortune to see the headquarters yet, Misty, from small time Kanto, and Ash, who seemed to miss this building entirely the last time he visited Lumiose City.

"This place is huge." Misty squeaked awkwardly touching her backpack while Ash nodded his agreement. Catching the time from the clock in the main lobby he grunted.

"I'm already late." He muttered, about an entire _hour_ late. He rushed to the elevators with Misty in tow, and clicked the button to call it. Luckily, the doors opened right away and they darted inside where Ash clicked the third floor and exhaled sharp.

"You didn't even have to use your ID?" Misty asked and Ash shrugged.

"My face had been plastered over a million different billboards, I'm sure nobody cares." he panicked while trying to dust off his clothes. They hadn't even made enough time to hit the pokemon center to wash up. He was a mess. Misty thumbed a piece of his wild hair back into his hat, an the furious blush that formed over his cheeks wasn't lost on her. She winked at him,

"You'll be fine. Everyone is allowed to be late on their first day."

"That's not how I remember the saying." he chuckled, catching a grin from her. Misty's support calmed him, and his heart desist its rapid pound.

"It'll be fine. They couldn't have expected you to be in Coumarine City and then in Lumiose that quickly, otherwise they should have provided a ticket for the monorail." Misty suggested and Ash sighed is agreement.

If only _Misty_ was the one going into the meeting, then it wouldn't be such a big deal—Ash didn't have that kind of confidence, he wasn't used to being around adults as a seat of power—usually, Ash was the small guy, the challenger; he could count on one hand how many times he had been in charge of _anything_. He glanced at her, feeling a wash of guilt again.

"Once the meeting is over, you will have my full attention." he assured her as the elevator beeped, indicating their arrival on the third floor and Misty poked her tongue out at Ash with a jarring wink.

"Haven't you already given that?" she mocked with a sly grin.

Ash blushed furiously, "Misty!" but as quickly as the doors swung open, the secretary at the desk near the large doors shot up. She wore a gray pencil suit, and her brown hair was tied into a french twist as she damn-near sprinted at Ash.

"Ash Ketchum, you're late!" She shrieked and Ash could only offer a small shrug in response, ready to explain—but was given no time to. Misty stepped behind him, watching as the secretary brushed the dirt from Ash's clothes and push him towards two large oak doors.

"But wait," he looked to Misty, "Misty."

"Your friends can't come into meetings with you!" The stressed secretary squealed, allotting Ash a look of panic, he twisted his way from her frantic grasp easily, much to her annoyance and made his way back to Misty who was giggling at the events in front of her.

"I promise I'll make it up to you...just," The secretary pulled his arm, and Misty leaned forward to peck his lips with a sweet smile before he would be whisked away.

"Call me when you get out." She offered and a defeated Ash submitted to the pull of the secretary as they made their way from the entrance, into the meeting.

Ash mouthed to Misty once last time "I'm sorry", before he was very unpleasantly shoved inside of a room with a long table and stuffy old men. Misty exhaled once the oak doors were slammed shut. She had a huge grin up until that point—only for Ash—but the moment the doors shut, the grin turned into a prominent frown. It was hard to transition from the challenger to the challenged, and doing so would require a lot of patience from him, and from her. She would offer the most that she could. She inhaled and then sighed, drooping her shoulders. Misty only wished that Ash _told_ her he would be this busy and they could have rescheduled; it definitely wasn't very fun, being dangled the bait of a date, only to get hooked instead.

"Looks like it's just you and me pikachu." She offered sadly, patting the small pokemon on top of his head. Pikachu wouldn't complain. A sad Misty was a spoiling Misty, and he would have all the ketchup in the world while they waited for Ash. She turned, and walked down the steps haphazardly.

 **Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxo**

It was well into the afternoon hour when the meeting ended. Ash had been scolded not once, but _three times_ from the league council about his showing up late—most people seemed to assume that it would happen, and the Elite Four that he recently defeated seemed to expect nothing less from Ash. He apologized, but apparently, that wasn't good enough.

Apparently, _Ash_ wasn't good enough. Interestingly enough, Ash was making news headlines; the kind that weren't about battling or _any good_ at all. Everything that happened following his win in the Kalos league was very much made into a public affair—he had the league throwing magazines headlines at him;

"Breaking up with childhood sweetheart; too close to mysterious red-head?"

"the player, Ash Ketchum"

"Power already gone to his head; two girls, one night"

Ash was disgusted; he had no idea how badly the media would scorn him—he had no idea that they even would! After his victory, the kiss that he shared with Serena was well publicized, but he never thought that it would last longer than a day, let alone _weeks_. They weren't a thing, they were _never_ a thing; so shouldn't this have died off by now? Apparently not, because people were eating this up. That would explain the excessive fan girls; he wasn't just advertised as the champion; he was advertised as open for business!

The oldest council member, Mark, encouraged Ash to understand that there is more to being a champion than simply obtaining a title; and it's far more important than _women_. _The title of champion is more than a title; it's a job._ Ash remembered the old man saying as he shuffled awkwardly from the building and back into the buzzing city streets that never died. _You, along with the Elite Four are supposed to observe gym leaders, run tournaments, make public appearances, and most importantly, keep the league afloat with a positive media image and assistance with new trainers. Your job is to teach as much as it is to learn—you must be a walking example._

An example, he said. Ash pinched the bridge of his nose, wondering for only a moment if Misty knew anything about the articles floating around about him, about _them_. If she did, she didn't mention it—and probably for good reason, he had half a mind to go end the complaints with his brute force. However, he also knew that would only make matters worse. Brute force and violence typically didn't fix the underlying issue—him.

"Did something bad happen?" _Her_ voice pressed chills through his body as he turned on his heels to face the woman who sat on the bench outside of the large building with one knee wrapped over the other and an ice cream cone between her fingers—pikachu sat beside her, licking a cupful of ketchup. Ash's face fell. Shit, he forgot to call her—on top of everything else.

"Ah, no." He lied, hoping that she wouldn't catch on, but she always did.

"Did they bring up the news?" Misty asked, scrunching up her face. Ash nodded slowly and exhaled.

"You knew?"  
"Well, not until about an hour ago when a lady in the cafe I was sitting at threw a coin at my head. That, or she really doesn't like red-heads..." She muttered licking her strawberry ice cream as pikachu hopped from the bench to waddle behind the couple. The night lights illuminated Misty's features, and Ash exhaled worriedly.

"What did you do to her...?" he stammered, glancing sideways at Misty.  
"I threw my chair at her and lite the cafe on fire—duh." Misty chuckled, licking her lips.

Ash yelped; "What?!"

"I'm joking, settle down." Misty grinned at him, and then offered him the rest of her strawberry ice cream cone; though Ash explicitly hate the pink stuff. "There's chocolate in the cone." She added, scooping off the last of pink part with her napkin and plopping it into pikachu's empty cup.

"Oh," Ash blushed. "Thanks." He glanced down at pikachu, who he could see had been spoiled rotten by the gym leader and shook his head gently. Here Ash was struggling to make amends, and pikachu was being showered with goodies.

"So what did you do while I was gone?" Ash asked, blinking down at her while she clicked her heels together and wagged a bag beside her. He nearly devoured the ice cream in one gulp as she showed off her bag.

"I went shopping, of course. I'm not going to be in Kalos very much and I doubt if I spend my time with you that I'll have a chance to go again." Misty chimed in excitedly, opening the bag for Ash to see inside, he had to feign excitement over a pair of shoes, a few dresses and a few other mashed items at the bottom that she squealed happily about.

"Woo..." Ash tried, but she could only roll her eyes and tuck her arm into his again.

"I know, yippee, girl stuff." Misty mocked and then grinned at him. The sun had already begun to set, and Ash knew what that meant as he drew himself into a long, exhausted sigh. This wasn't how he expected their first reunion would go at all. He expected it to be a lot more like their first date—full of hugs-his face turned red and his lips curled into an awkward smiled—kisses and short spurts of adventure; however, what he ended up with was a tiresome, hurried walk, a restless night, and the rush to Lumiose City, only to be separated _again_. Not only that, he had been acting like a total stranger with her, aside from _that_ mistake, and he sighed, the embarrassment and smile lost on him as Misty nudged him gently.

"Penny for your thoughts?" She inquired, but Ash could only sigh deeply once again, stopping to see that while he was deep in his own thoughts, Misty had led him to Prism tower, the battling tower—and one of the most 'romantic' spots in all of Kalos. His breath hitched in his throat—he had almost forgotten that he planned to bring her here.

"It's nothing." he responded quickly, wanting to salvage the last bit of their date, "Don't worry about it. Let's just.."

"Don't strain yourself Ash." She pat him on the back, getting a sigh of relief. "It's been a stressful day, let's just enjoy the last two hours we have together, alright?" She mused happily, tugging his hand into her own as she led him through the glass doors and directly to the elevators that would bring them to the very top of the tower.

Ah, there it was again; that familiar patter of his heart racing inside of his chest—the feeling of her hand in his bringing an over whelming confidence into his chest that exploded once he stepped into the elevator with her. All in one motion, he grabbed her, jerking her to look at him—and there he could see it. In her sea-green eyes, _disappointment_. The abhorrent sadness that today hadn't gone as either of them planned; that she was trying _so damn hard_ to make the moment lighthearted because she wanted to see him smile and not worry. That look of pure frustration that she was still playing second fiddle when she should have been first; but couldn't get upset because he had _work_ to do for once, not just mindless training—she was frustrated, and yet she expressed none of it so that _he_ would be happy.

In one breath, he wanted to ask her about the gym and her sisters; what type of trainers she had faced in the last two weeks, how difficult it was getting back into the swing of training. How her sisters reacted to the news, if she's caught any new pokemon, how she's been doing, what she spent her nights doing, when the split in her lip healed and how her right wrist was healing after the injury she received during their run in with Team Rocket a few weeks ago—in stead, he couldn't frame any of these words and he wrapped his fingers into her shortened hair, and pulled her in close.

"Ashh-" She squeaked, though his lips were on hers in a second; he heard the ticking of each floor they passed but he held her firm against his body; dying to be _more_ than friends again. The faint, familiar smell of chlorine and flowers empowered his kiss and need to hold her as her eager arms wrapped around his neck to bring him closer; one of his came around her back—all at the rush of pikachu who tried to _warn_ them.

Then, the blinding white flash of lights circled around them as the elevator doors tugged open on the last floor, though neither one found that they cared very much. That was one way to start their relationship. Reaching headlines by kissing Misty at the top of Prism tower was also a way of breaking the news to the world that he was, unfortunately, taken. Wrapped up in her fingers again, he found that he cared less than he should have.

Now _this_ , was the way to start a day.

 **Author's Note:**

 _ **Edit**_ 5.20.2016


	3. Chapter 3: May

**Equanimity, Chapter 3: Week Three**

Drew circled the train station, looking left and right, and occasionally up and down. He couldn't see the brunette for the life of him hiding in the crowd. For once, he cursed her traditional color as the browns blended with other browns and natural hues, his radiant green beaming from his section on the bench he decided to climb on top of.

Temporarily, he left May to visit his family who decided to relocate to Johto region; he helped his younger brothers and mother move nearly the amount of six houses through an entire region, and the bill to do so wasn't cheap—Drew paid for most of it by his savings earned by competing and judging contests. As a Top-coordinator, he spent a lot of time publicly analyzing trainers chances to win, setting new standards for perfect moves; and over all, trying to think outside of the box to forever keep contests moving forward. Unlike champions, any one, thousands of people could carry the title of "top-coordinator" and only the most persuasive actually did anything once they earned the title.

Dawn's mother, for example, was a well known coordinator who after winning several titles dropped off the grid to raise a family. Drew wasn't interested in that; he wanted to change the entire system, to make contests more enjoyable for all walks of life—and maybe, just maybe, reaching the same adoration as battle tournaments received.

He wrapped his fingers on his tan pants, his open, black polo-shirt shifting in the drift of the wind while he inhaled. Unable to see her green bandana anywhere—he assumed that she must have forgotten entirely about their meeting. Scoffing, Drew hoped down from the bench, and started his pursuit of the exit doors.

May was never _the best_ at remembering events; often time, he would find her sitting in a cafe or watching contests, trying to find a new way to compete with new rivals. She seemed to struggle the most during contests, having an advanced skill, she always fell short somehow, somewhere, her battling was simply not fluid enough. Drew grit his teeth, unimpressed by the crowds of people nearly knocking him over—once again reminding him that Top-Coordinators were truly second par to anything battle related, because the swarm of people drawing from the gates of the train station were after one specific thing—and article that outlined the new Kalos champion and his love affairs.

Oh, Ash, he couldn't keep his name out of the damn news media for longer than a day, could he? Drew tried his hardest not to roll his eyes and he popped out the back of the crowd, having nearly gnawed his arm off to do so. For once, he didn't blame May for not showing up at the train station—with that crowd, he would have forgotten it, too.

As he suspected, May had done exactly that; she was sitting motionless on the concrete bench across from the train station and general media stand with her forearm curled around her eyes to block the sun, and her other arm twisted up around her orange shirt. Looking both ways before he dashed across the road, he approached the woman with a shifty grin and a mischievous spark in his eye. Her chest rose, and then fell slowly. She was asleep, which only made Drew grin wider as he squat down beside her, and the very, very carefully brushed his fingers along her neckline.

"Hmmm." She stirred. "Go away, I'm trying to sleep."

He did it again, faster this time so she scratched her neck with the hand that had been over her stomach, grumbling about the wind, dirt, and bugs. The he did it again and she finally shot up like a bolt of lightning.

"Drew!" She yelled, nearly kicking him in the head as she jumped up to face the train station, surprise crossed her face as the squatting Drew circled around behind, realizing that he hadn't been caught. Not yet. While she fumbled to gather her balance, startled from her sudden realization that she forgot to greet him, she straightened out her shirt and tights.

She swore gently under her breath seeing right away the crowd Drew fought his way out of, and secondly grabbed her pokegear to call him rather than running over to fight the crowd—she hoped that he didn't leave yet! Seeing his chance, he removed his pokegear silently from his pocket, and as she dialed the familiar number, he held the phone up near her ear where in...five... he counted down slowly, four... three...

His phone buzzed loudly in her ear, and he was sure he saw her jump out of her skin and shriek away from him. Her pokegear hit the concrete with a sharp crack, and she threw her arms up, preparing to throw a pokeball at him as he chuckled sincerely at her reaction, once again stuffing his hands into his pockets. Realizing who it was, her posture relaxed for a moment. Tucking away her pokeball, she scooped up her poke gear and shook it at him.

"Drew!" She gasped, and then automatically approached him, stomping her feet. "You jerk! You almost gave me a heart attack! I thought you might have left already!" She yelled, but the chuckling man could only take advantage of her close nature to peck her on the lips, which opened up a world of blushing painted over her cheeks; he rather enjoyed that look.

"I couldn't resist watching that reaction." He cooed playfully, tucking his hands behind her waist lovingly and pulling her into a tight hug. At first, an embarrassed May twisted, trying to free herself form his grasp until his cool breath against her neck forced her to relax and she snuggled into his embrace.

She whispered into the crook of his neck; "How was your trip?"  
"Busy, as usual." he responded, separating from the girl and taking a step back as they began their walk into the street in unison. "Moving my entire family in less than a week was intense." He sighed, flipping his hair from his face.

"I can only imagine." She sympathized. "If my family decided to move from Petalburg City I think I would just give up and call it a day." She sighed in returned, lacing their fingers together where she playfully swung their hands back and forth. They shared a brief, innocent smile; speaking words a thousand times more than they could express. They missed each other. May especially missed him the week he was gone. With Max somewhere in Kalos league, May found that her time was spent lazily waiting for the next adventure to fall into her lap.

"I'm glad I made it back today, though; don't you have a contest to compete in today?" He inquired with a quirk of his eyebrow.

May shuddered at the thought, visibly deflating for only a second before her optimistic nature returned, transfixed; Drew didn't seem to catch onto the sourness of her tone.

"I do. I think Dawn will be here again, too." May offered, looking down at her gloves with pursed lips. She didn't talk about it often, but she was stuck in a rut. Since Dawn defeated her three years ago in the Wallace Cup, May was struggling to keep her head up in battle. Her primary reason for returning to Hoenn region was to fix her mistakes, and still, she lost to new trainers every other contest; luckily for her, unlike gym battles, contests were everywhere, and she only needed to collect five ribbons from any of the several qualified contests and she could be put in the running for the competition form. Unfortunately, she, and her ego, were taking massive losses as of late. Drew didn't seem to notice this, however, his unyielding support was amazing, but also a bit degrading to her prominent losing streak.

Drew didn't have to worry about winning anymore—he was a top-coordinator in Hoenn and Johto regions; while May was only ever runner-up once, and runner-up of one league competition out of the many she had joined was... well, a bit disheartening.

"Well that's good, you've wanted a rematch with Dawn, haven't you?" Drew asked skeptically, watching the fall of May's hair as it framed her pale face. She grinned through her anxious thoughts, burying her doubts under a waterfall.

"I guess so! I'll definitely win this time." She suggested confidently, pumping her fist up into the air.

 **Oxoxoxoxxoxox**

Needless to say, May didn't have to worry about facing Dawn; she lost in the preliminary rounds. A deafening loss—she called beautifly to use sleep powder rather than stun spore on an electrical type, and she was out in, quite literally, a flash. Yes, she was a competent battler, arguably one of the best; when she was off the field she did wonderfully in training... but, there was just something missing during her contests and over the last few years, she couldn't place what. Something simply wasn't right.

Regardless, May stayed in the locker rooms, counting her defeats in her head. She never left the locker rooms without plastering a smile across her face—she was too young, too hopeful to stop her goals in life just because she lost one match... Several matches. Her problem? She wasn't even sure what her goals in life were anymore. When she was ten, it was easy—she wanted to travel; May expeditions! After that, she wanted to become a top-coordinator; after that, she just wanted to fight with her rivals; but as her rivals grew increasingly younger, and she grew increasingly older...she wondered just how successful all of that would be.

When Drew saw her walk out of the locker room, smiling as pretty as usual, a pang twisted in his chest—a part of him—one that didn't quite understand her coping methods couldn't understand why she refused to take losses seriously. She always seemed to brush them off without a care, that they didn't matter. May wanted to improve—but to Drew, he saw that burning desire flee into nothingness as her drive to compete and battle grew less everyday. It drove him nuts.

"Hey." He called to her gently, shifting a red rose between her fingertips. Her blush was more than satisfying and he grinned in repertoire.

"Aww, thanks Drew. You didn't have to." She cooed happily smelling the flower while her eyes closed. In the distance, she could hear Dawn being crowned the victor of the contest; and her heart fluttered very slightly. What would Dawn say when she saw that May failed in the first round? Oh man, how was she supposed to explain herself? No! She shouted inwardly, May didn't let that get her down, instead, she smiled at Drew.

"Looks like I lost again. Better luck next time, right?" May chirped, twisting the rose with a complacent smile across her lips.

Drew could only frown at her. "Are you feeling alright, May?" He asked, concerned—but May only shook her head slightly, confused.

"I'm perfectly fine, why do you ask?" She grinned toothily as they started to descend the stairs to see Dawn emerge the victor. May had spent well over an hour in the locker rooms, ticking her time away; she hadn't even realized it herself.

"It just seems like you're distant, is all." He suggested, but May could only shrug her shoulders and toss him that effortless smile once again.

"I don't know what you mean." She laughed as they reached the end of the stairs, waiting for Dawn. He wanted to yell at her, to tell her losing was something she shouldn't be so passive about. Hell, demand what was wrong with her, but his words couldn't form correctly.

"You don't seem to be trying as hard, is all." Drew managed abrasively, perhaps, even a little hostile. He hated seeing her lose, when he knew that she could do so much better—a fleeting aggravation formed in her eye before she raised her eyebrows at him.

"I'm trying. I just had an off day today." She defended herself.

 _Yeah, an off day everyday_. Drew thought in return, but shook his head. "Is that what happened last time, too?" He asked, catching a look of detest from May, who didn't have time to speak because Dawn emerged from the double doors, beaming with joy. Her pink, satin dress swished around her as she spun into place before Drew and May.

"My friends!" Dawn cheered, rushing over to May to hug her.

They hadn't spoken since the party, and during the match ups, Dawn was too preoccupied with her costume to speak with May. Drew shuddered at her closeness, smelling something sour as his fingers snapped to hold his nose.

"Hey Dawn! Congratulations!" May cried happily, returning the warm hug.

Dawn separated. "What happened to you? I heard you lost in the preliminary rounds?" she muttered sadly, lowering her eyebrows at the girl. As if throwing salt into the wound, May cracked a smile.

"I'm just having an off day..." May tried, with much less confidence than her first attempt.

"Well, I'm sure you'll make it up!" Dawn passed off May's lighthearted reply. "I didn't expect to see you guys so soon!" Dawn cheered on, and May could smell, possibly only the slight hint of alcohol on Dawn's breath. Her nose scrunched up.

"Are you drunk?"

"Me!?" Dawn asked, pointing to herself and giggling. "Heavens no."

Clearly, she was. May looked to Drew worriedly, who could only shrug his shoulders. "Dawn, why don't we go sit down, huh?" May asked, forgetting her own worries about the competition in turn for Dawn's odd behavior.

"Oh, I would love that. We have so much catching up to do!" Dawn cheered clasping her hands as she started towards the locker rooms. No they didn't, they only saw each other a few weeks ago. May shared a brief look with Drew, who wrapped his arm around her waist protectively.

When they arrived in the changing rooms, a few congratulations were given to Dawn by passing coordinators. In the meantime, behind a curtain, Dawn seemed to effortlessly peel off her costume and dress herself in her traditional black and pink dress in a matter of seconds, having done it so many times before, it was second nature. She plucked at her braided hair, removing the tangled mess and tie and allowing her hair to fall into a wavy heap over her shoulders as she placed her clips back into her hair—a style she had kept since she was a child.

"How long have you two been in town?" Dawn asked, seeming to have calmed down slightly as she adjusted her faint make up. Drew and May had taken to sitting on the couch, waiting for her to change.

"Well Drew just got here a few hours ago." May offered, giving the man a brief smile. "But I've been here for a couple of days."

"Ahhh..." Dawn muttered, though seemingly unimpressed as she turned to face her friends, a bit wobbly on her feet. Drew could barely stand to watch her; both disgusted that she would drink _in the middle of the day_ as well as _win_ an entire contest under the influence. There weren't any laws against this—but, man, what kind of bogus talent was that? Here May was, struggling to claw her way back up, and Dawn made it look effortless—he didn't understand how May wasn't livid. She was never livid, she only reacted when she absolutely had to; it was infuriating, though, he would never tell her that.

"So, about traveling together." Dawn moved straight to the point, alerting both Drew and May.

"I thought you were traveling with Paul?" May asked awkwardly, getting a loud snort and look of frigid abhorrence to the idea.

"Was." Dawn suggested, tugging on her dress while they prepared to leave, as if for better emphasis, she pointed at them with a glare and repeated herself.

" _Was."_

 **Author's Note:**

Because I'm taking on so many different character roles, chapters may be shorter, around 3,000-5,000 words as opposed to my usual 7,000-9,000 words because of how I'm breaking the chapters into character segments rather than breaking up segments during the chapter. That being said, one to two updates may come out a day, everyday. So watch out!


	4. Chapter 4: Misty

**Equanimity, Chapter 4: Week four.**

Nope!

Misty was not ready for this!

"I don't want to!" She whined to Daisy, who held firm on her sisters hand, dragging her into the dress store. The _millionth_ one that week.

"Misty! I like need to find the perfect dress and Lily and Violet are like, working!" Daisy chanted back angrily while pulling on her sister.

When they were younger, pulling the red-head around was easy enough, Daisy prided herself on her athleticism, but not as highly as Misty did; she was the definition of a fit swimmer in her adult years. It was difficult to pull her around _now_ because she was simply _that_ much stronger than her older sisters. She was far from the little girl they poked fun at years ago. So, when Misty pulled away, Daisy reefed on her twice as hard to keep her in the store.

"You already have _two dresses_ , Daisy! My gym leader salary can't afford your expensive taste!" Misty yelped, trying to fight her way out of the store like a trapped animal, but Daisy's freshly manicured fingers pressed against Misty's damaged wrist, ripping open for the hundredth time the partially healed wound and Misty pulled slightly less. With her sisters around, Misty worried that the injury would never heal completely.

"You need a dress for the league party tomorrow anyways!" The oldest sister argued, but then a devious grin flashed over her cheeks. "Don't you want to look nice for Ash?" Daisy purred, dropping the valley girl accent as they caught several peoples whispers and attention as they argued at the front door of one of the most prestigious and large dress shops in Cerulean City.

Misty went limp, and slightly red at the reminder of the party that was the inauguration of the newest Viridian City Gym Leader. The red-head's heart skipped a beat for several reasons. The first was that Ash promised to be her date to the party, the second was that she was thinking of Ash, and the third reason was that Ash promised to be her date, a feat worthy of having two slots on her list. It would be the first league meeting they would attend together as a couple—especially after the incident in Kalos two weeks ago when they were caught...well. Steam rose from her cheeks. She could have lost consciousness if she didn't have Daisy to lean on, her face growing flushed while the valley girl smacked her lips together.

"You good?" She cooed to her baby sister, pulling Misty off her arm. Collecting herself, Misty dusted her hands against her black shorts and straightened her yellow top, sparing a short, flustered glance with her sister.

"Yeah, I'm good." Misty grimaced, feeling a bit pathetic for reacting like such a _girl_. If Ash saw her like _that,_ there was no doubt in her mind that he would poke fun at her. ' _Jeeze, Misty, why such a red face'_ he would mock her. Sighing, she cracked her neck to both sides, following Daisy into the isles of countless, bold, white dresses. It wasn't her fault he caused an endless amount of butterfree in her stomach. She spent two weeks worried if they were really _dating_ or not, and after their last meeting—she was most definitely sure they were _dating_. Even if it was awkward at first; now she wasn't sure what to spend her spare time doing—because most of it was used up fantasizing about her boyfriend.

 _Oh, man, Misty._ She thought to herself with a swift face palm. _You've got some issues to work out. You better pray Ash never hears that you 'fantasize' anything._

"Like, I want one that makes me look like a princess." Daisy complimented and Misty raised her eyebrows.

"Really Daisy?" Misty questioned, watching as her sister maneuvered around the shop—she had been in here before, Misty knew, probably countless times to look at dresses. "I think you should go for something sleek—curve hugging." Misty offered.

Daisy turned at her sister; "Are you giving me fashion advice?" she said, feigning amazement. Misty lowered her eyelids and raised her eyebrows aggravatingly.

"Don't be an ass about it." Misty grimaced in return with an eye roll, finding her place in the corner of the room where she slumped onto a bench and crossed one leg over the other. Of course Daisy didn't want her help; getting fashion advice from Misty was like being shot in the foot in her eyes.

It was not that Misty had poor fashion taste, it was simply that her sisters, even after all of these years, enjoyed poking fun at the youngest, 'tomboyish mermaid'. Misty watched with sea-green eyes as a plump woman fitted Daisy to the expensive ballgown section of wedding dresses, and sighed. It wasn't that Misty _was not_ girly. She liked make-up, and dresses, and heels; some days she even wanted her hair to grow out again and get her nails done, Misty was simply _practical._ She didn't have time to do her hair every morning, and make-up would get runny because of sweat and water at the gym, and long hair was full of dead ends and knots unless she _always_ wore it up. In the end, Misty was a girl, she just didn't want to be _girly_ all of the time; which somehow subjected many people into the belief that she _never_ wanted to be a _girly girl_. Sure, it wasn't practical in her active life of running a pool and battling ten year olds, but some days, on the weekends especially when she would hopefully see Ash, Misty enjoyed dressing up—only, she never had a reason to dress up.

Until now.

 _For Ash._ She swallowed hard, sparing a short glance at Daisy to make sure that she was busy with whatever she was engrossed in before she snaked her pokegear into her fingers where she clicked a few buttons to reveal Ash's name.

"Hey." She text him sheepishly, thinking twice not to send the message that would surely bother the trainer. With the time change, Kalos was a few hours later than Kanto region; which would mean that for Ash, it would be just around supper time, while it was only noon where she sat. She closed her eyes. Texting was so uncommon, _unfamiliar. S_ he always felt nervous, and weird and _anxious_ when she did it. Half the time he never replied, and the other half of the time his lack of signal glorified that he never received the message. Most of the time her messages were eaten by cyber space, never to be seen or heard from again—except this time, as she held her phone near her chest with her eyes squeezed shut, a slight buzz brought her attention down and her breath left her body.

 _Damn it, Misty, get a grip; you're not a school girl!_ She grilled herself while she glanced down at her phone—seeing his name light up her screen, however, her heart did a flip and her lips burned from memories. Once again, she glanced at Daisy to make sure she wouldn't be seen—as if texting Ash was like passing a note in class—Misty didn't want to be caught doing it.

When she found the courage to open his message, she almost fell over herself: "Hey!" was his reply and she slapped her head, getting a singular look from a rather preppy looking girl.

What was she supposed to say back now? Why was her brain not working? Damn him, damn him straight to- _buzzz_

"What's up?" he messaged her again, knocking the wind right out of her chest. Get a grip, girl! She screamed inwardly. It wasn't like they weren't _already_ dating. This _shouldn't_ have been that big of a deal! She twisted in her seat, changing her crossed legs and pattered over the small keyboard.

"Shopping with Daisy. What about you?" She replied, questioning if she had replied too quickly or not. Watching her phone intently, she forced her eyes to look away, and heave a large release of breath, calming her nerves. They were just talking, it was nothing to get excited about... except it was! They spent four years apart, and suddenly, now, after that long, talking so easily was just...just... Her eyebrows lowered; why couldn't they have done this before?

"Just finished hosting a tournament." He replied quickly, and for a moment, she wondered if he was as nervous as she was; as unfamiliar with the idea of having someone keep contact so frequently. She exhaled.

"Are you excited for tomorrow?" She replied to his message, clicking send before she could change her mind. Unlike before, his reply didn't come automatically, and so she spent her time looking around the dress shop to calm her nerves. Was it hot in here? Because she was burning up. She could no longer see Daisy, probably off somewhere trying on dresses and refusing people's opinions. Lily and Violet weren't really busy, they were more sick of shopping with the blonde than Misty was—Misty simply had more patience, as terrifying as that notion was.

Nearly ten minutes passed and she had finally grown the courage to dance around some of the party dresses in the store; since Ash seemed otherwise occupied with not messaging her back, she busied herself elsewhere. He was busy, probably dealing with the awful media right now; she could only imagine what they were writing now. Thumbing one dress in particular that was sky blue and professional enough to be formal, but fun enough to appear flirty, Misty's mind wondered—what would Ash say if she got dolled up? He rarely saw her dressed up. If ever. The last time she was even slightly dressed nicely was on their first date—their second date, she wore a vest and blue jeans—not the most feminine attire in her closet.

...Ash seemed to like her rough look, though, but she felt slightly obligated to dress nicer once they started dating, as if there was some kind of pressure to compete with other girls all of a sudden. While Misty flirted with the idea occasionally; it mostly frustrated her to no end how Ash could walk back into her life after four years and dig his nails so deeply under her skin to the point she was questioning her own sense of character again.

Misty's eyebrows lowered as she dropped the blue dress after looking at the price-tag. Yeah, she was _maybe_ a little sore about his neglectful nature; a little upset about how easily she seemed to fall back into his arms; it was almost like she didn't even make him work for it—she was, in the end—the one who did the chasing... or at least, that's what it felt like. All Ash had to do was give her that look, and she fell for him all over again. She was doomed. There was simply no escaping Ash; for just a very split second, she let herself wonder if that's how Serena felt.

"Misty! I found the one!"

Daisy squealed from across the dress store, and somehow, Misty's pseudo-driven passive aggressive nature returned with a full force as she spun to face her sister. Happiness, and giddiness replaced with sharp acrimoniousness. Would that mean she would get her money back for the other two dresses that Misty already paid for?  
"Oh, look, a curve-hugging dress. Who would have ever thought that would suit you?" Misty mocked, her mood clearly soured from her thoughts as she walked over to her sister who seemed none-the-wiser.

"It's perfect! Tracey is going to love it." Daisy chimed happily as the the woman beside her fitted a veil over Daisy's hair. The dress hugged her hips, down to her knees where it bloomed out in lace and flower trim with a long, flowing white train. The halter top framed her large chest; and the neat wrap gathered at her waist pressed a sense of elegance into her otherwise beach appearance. The dress was definitely made for Daisy.

...It was a shame the price wasn't.

"Holy shit, Daisy. I can't afford this!" Misty squeaked, spotting the tag and nearly screaming bloody murder. Five thousand dollars for a _dress!?_

"...oh...but Misty..." Daisy cooed, looking at herself in the mirror, the way the lace bodice trailed her waist, how the heart shaped cut framed her collarbone. Misty groaned internally.

"Daisy, what was wrong with the other two dresses?" She whined, slapping her forehead and running her hand down her face, only, when she looked at Daisy's face, she could see it clearly.

The other dresses were hand-me-downs; bought from fabricated stores. Misty inhaled, sympathizing with the expression over Daisy's face. With the definite lack of parental figures, Misty, who was the only one of the four sisters to have a steady flow of income, was paying for most of the wedding. Daisy made countless attempts to earn her own money to help out, but no one really paid a starting actor well, and models made pennies where Misty made dimes.

"You're right. I'm sorry." The accent lost on her sisters voice, replaced instead by Daisy's natural tone—the one Misty admired a great deal. The one that reminded her that somewhere-somehow, Daisy was just as smart, and brave, and cunning as Misty was. It made her heart bleed.

"I'll wear the one we got from Maryann's." Daisy said, nodding to the woman who moved to the island to help Daisy down the stairs.

 _Damn it_. Misty swore compulsively as she watched her sister move maturely from the platform and back into the changing rooms. _Damn it_. Misty thought again while biting her knuckle. If the roles were reversed, and they very often were; Daisy wouldn't have even bat an eyelash at the price—if it was Misty standing in that dress, Daisy would have ripped through hell and earth to make sure Misty had it. It was superficial, a little naive and a lot immature—but that was what older sisters were for. What family was for—and they didn't have a lot of that as it was.

It was bad enough that Daisy was already developing an inferiority complex because Misty, the youngest sister, was providing for her a wedding that she should have been able to pay for on her own by this point in her life.

No. Misty couldn't stand to watch that look in her sisters eyes.

"The things I do..." Misty groaned, rubbing her temples.

 **Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo**

At the party the next day, Misty almost threw her pokegear against the rafters, having only gotten a phone call from Ash an _HOUR_ after the league party had started, she rushed to the balcony, thinking it was an emergency. Obviously, she thought he was dying—or worse, standing her up without conveying a reason. She had answered the phone hotly.

"Hey, Mist..." He said so pathetically.

"Where are you?" She whipped, trying to curve her anger.

"Stuck in Kalos, of course. Apparently there was a show case I was supposed to attend tonight." Of course, duties—she couldn't get mad about that. But damn, she was. She was livid.

"Give a girl some warning, Ketchum." Misty had stewed into the phone, feeling her patience all but slip away.

"I'm really, really, really, sorry, Mist." She could hear the crack in his voice, and the memory of it made her skin burn hot. "I just..I didn't..."

"I know, I know. You didn't want to disappoint me—but if you had told me sooner I could have..." she had looked down at her dress to pause. "Never mind...Just... Don't make promises you can't keep." An awkward silence funneled between the two of them, and she could hear Ash croak behind the phone, as if she had stepped horrendously on his pride.

"Misty.."

"Listen, the party already started, I have to go." Misty had chimed in unable to frame the proper words. Cutting him off; he fumbled awkwardly.

"I love you." He offered in respite, nervously.

Misty had stifled a sigh; knowing that her anger was unjustified. He couldn't help it. He had work—she knew that feeling better than anyone. But... that didn't make the sting of cancellation any less painful.

"I love you, too, Ash. I'll call you when the party is over."

She had just hung up on him before letting her rage simmer over; nearly crushing her pokegear in her hands. Without speaking, she knew that as angry as she was, Ash probably felt just as guilty—or did he!? He always made it very clear that he was never found of league parties, and he hadn't left Kalos in well over four weeks now—who was to say he just didn't want to spend the time to fly from Kalos to Kanto, and then back again? It was time consuming, she couldn't argue that, but... _he promised_.

Letting out a loud, exaggerate sigh, she slumped onto the concrete bench outside of the gala. Ash's promises were usually like this—the same way he promised to keep in contact and visit. They were empty; that wouldn't change just because they started dating. Frustrated, she ripped out her french twist, letting her short hair fall to her chin in wavy heaps, stewing in her own sadness. Looks like she would be returning that stupid sky blue dress after all. She looked down at the sequined dress in question and exhaled hotly. When she tried to look pretty, the few times that she did, it was pointless—she should have known that when he didn't show up to the gym before the party, he wasn't coming. Somehow, she hoped that he would spring in last minute—something he was famous for.

Instead, she got a phone call and frustration. She pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to calm herself; reminding herself that this was just a part of the process. Long distance relationships weren't known to be hard because they were _easy._

She looked out sadly to the forest below the balcony, and kicked her feet out over the edge to chill her nerves. Still, it would have been nice to see him again; she scoffed thoughtfully, would have been nice to be warned before the party, and not an hour after it already started. Most people expected them to arrive together, and when they didn't, well... People made assumptions, the _media_ was already doing enough of that as was. She knew that his late call was because he probably had the time differences confused, he couldn't help that...but still...

Her phone buzzed, reminding her to loosen her grip, or else it might have really snapped under her pressure.

"Are you mad?" Ash messaged, and Misty could feel her heart shatter in her chest. Yes. She was furious; but how could she tell him that? He didn't need to feel worse, and telling him wouldn't make her feel any better. She could only envision his doe, brown eyes staring up at her with that pathetically adorable sparkle in them—the one he only made when he knew he was in trouble and earnestly felt terrible about it—the look Misty thoughtfully dubbed "the Ash pout".

Sighing, she pressed her fingers in familiar motion; "I'm not mad. Just call and let me know in advance if you're going to cancel, alright?" She replied carefully, sending the message with a silent huff.

"I know you are mad." He replied instantly and Misty's face scrunched up. He _did not_.

"I'm not." she offered via message.

"Liar." came immediately after.

Then he called her again. Misty chuckled, letting the ring go to her voice mail before she shook her head, blissfully. He tried to call again, but Misty ignored the call, and text him.

"I love you, you dork." She wrote him, chuckling aloud as her anger seemed to fade away. Even though they were miles apart, she could practically hear the sigh of relief he managed as her shoulders lowered with ease.

"Sounds like you're having fun, sissy." Misty's head snapped around to the balcony door, spotting there a neatly dressed Daisy—wearing the red and gold gown that she wore to most of her modeling shows.

"Daisy!" Misty cheered, "What are you doing here?" she asked, standing up immediately, as if she had been caught red handed—as if texting her _boyfriend_ was an uncommon thing.

"I am still a gym leader technically, and I sort of figured out that your date bailed on you." Daisy murmured carefully, folding her arms. Right on the spot, Misty shrugged gently and shifted her eyes.

"He got tied up in Kalos..." Misty muttered, scratching her cheek with her index finger.

"...aww..." Daisy purred, immediately cradling her baby sister around the shoulder, getting a scoff and push from the red-head in return.

"My baby sister got stood up." Daisy whined playfully before shooting her a possessive look. "Do we need to fix that?"

Misty laughed, feeling a grin tug on her lips; "No, it's not his fault."

"Don't make excuses for him, Mist." Daisy echoed seriously, scratching at the surface of buried insecurities. "You already played that game." She added, as if snapping Misty's back.

Misty's sea-green eyes bore into Daisy's blue ones, and she inhaled.

"I'm not."

"Relax, I'm kidding." Daisy tossed, noticing the mood shift, but Misty _knew._

Daisy was not joking at all; and Misty had half the mind to ask her about it-if Daisy hadn't started to pull her into the party where guests would be watching her, knowing that under the watchful gaze of her peers, Misty would not speak out of turn—especially since the media was currently eating her alive. Kalos news slowly reached the ears of Kanto and she had a few people already congratulate her relationship with Ash, others mounting "it's about time"; and others, people she didn't even know, absolutely livid.

"Oh, and Misty..." Daisy smiled, wrapping her arm around her sister's as they funneled towards the busy crowd to talk with old acquaintances. "Thanks for buying the dress."

Misty's face flushed red, she had marked the purchase anonymous—but wasn't surprised that Daisy picked up on it.

"You're welcome." Misty offered, watching as her sister's face turned from one of happiness, to pure excitement when she saw Erica, and had a short, squealing fit. Ahh, to be around her sister again at a league party, she sure didn't miss those days. Misty found herself wondering where the nearest wine glass would be. Since Ash would not be in attendance, drinking was fair game and so she found herself smirking when her phone went off again, causing a sudden reminder.

Daisy's remark hung in the air above Misty's head as she flagged a waiter for a glass of red wine; _you already played that game._

 _..._ What did that mean?

 **Author's Note** :

The titles "Week x" are how many weeks that have passed since the end of Spitfire/beginning of Ash and Misty's relationship/the characters turning point, by the way. Just thought I should clarify that. It's not how many weeks have passed since the last chapter.

Really going to hit the mark hard on the stress of a long-distance relationship, in case you all were wondering. Also, think what you want, but I like the idea that an older Misty would get along (at least moderately) with her sisters. At the very least, Daisy.


	5. Chapter 5: Dawn

**Equanimity, Chapter 5: Week five**

Dawn was imposing _a littl_ e, this much she knew.

With sun glasses placed firmly on the bridge of her nose and her fingers tapping against her waist while she waited for her two friends; her fellow coordinators to leave their room in the pokemon center. She could hear them still, shuffling to pull back together some of their exposed indecency, and with a sort of twist of her mouth; Dawn had to correct herself.

She was imposing _a lot_.

May and Drew technically invited her though, and with two weeks together already; she was surprised how _quickly_ those two moved; here Dawn was, barely there—turning seventeen and she hadn't even had her first kiss yet; the closest she came to getting one was with Kenny during her time in Sinnoh; and even _that_ was because they were both modeling at the time. It seemed like everyone around her found love; except Dawn.

Sure, Dawn wasn't a romantic—far from one, actually, she liked to believe that love would happen when it needed to happen—but why was it happening for everyone but _her?_ Wasn't she the one that practically threw Ash and Misty at each other during their time together for Ash's celebration party? If it wasn't for Dawn, they would probably still be tip-toeing around one another, that or Ash would still be dating Serena, which would have still been a mess. Dawn crossed her arms at the thought, running her hand through her blue hair.

Maybe her problem was that she was too much like Drew? In the sense that she wasn't completely blind to love and infatuation that people had for her; unless she was an airhead like Ash or May, she was never going to find love. She grimaced at that. Where was her Ash? Or May? Dawn kicked her feet and grimaced. She face palmed as piplup appeared out of it's ball. She turned to look at the small penguin type pokemon and exhaled.

"You must be getting hungry, huh?" she asked, checking her watch once more before glancing back at the still-closed pokemon center door. She knew they had been up for a long time last night, but they couldn't _still_ be indecent, right? Dawn was scared to check. Instead, she smacked her lips and allowed for piplup to jump into her arms.

"I'm going for break fast!" She shouted, but watched it fall on flat ears as she sighed and started down the benevolent path of what she felt would be the rest of her life as a single-woman. By this age, her mom has already had several boyfriends—Dawn had none. Zero. What a thing to be upset about!

Typically, she didn't put a lot of merit on being in a relationship, but with all of her friends finding someone; she sort of felt like the side character to _their_ story. Like she was demoted from being the princess to being the maid, and she was insanely bitter about it—only made worse by what _he_ said to her after leaving the party.

She sucked in air and kicked her boots along the path of the paved street below her. So Dawn was a little broody! Who wouldn't be after what was said to her though? She inhaled, and then exhaled, and then finally accepted that she was acting like an idiot. She loved her friends; and was insanely happy for them. She just wished a little bit of that happiness would rub off on her.

Dawn entered a contest _drunk; underage_ , to make matters worse! If news got out about that, she would be ruined! And her mother—oh the things her _mother_ would do to her. Dawn pinched the bridge of her nose, kicking a stray rock as she found perch on one of the benches along the pier of the city. For a brief moment, she wondered how her friends were doing. Brock was off somewhere in Johto; Zoey, was off trying to become a contest judge, Kenny was still following her around to each region so he could compete with her—May was well, May was here; but she wasn't, Drew was more like an acquaintance, Ash was on the cover of _every_ news magazine _with_ Misty-whether she wanted to be or not—right along side him, while everyone else seemed to shuffle back into their normal lives, Dawn simply could not.

She was in a rut—but not a professional one. She tapped her index finger against her lip as she started her trek back to the small cafe at the end of the street.

No, battling and contests were going better than ever for the blue-haired female. She was winning ribbons left and right, her pokemon seemed to listen to her. On cue, piplup tried to dive into a trashcan, and she was forced to wrangle the small pokemon away from the object with a devote sigh. Most of her pokemon listened to her _most_ of the time. Dawn rolled her eyes, stepping into the breakfast cafe where she walked immediately over to the counter and pursed her lips.

"Hello, what can I get for you?" Asked an overly chipper girl with blonde hair. The smile was forced, but she was getting paid to show up and be friendly, so that was all that mattered, right?. Dawn appreciated the gesture, even if it was forced.

"I'll have one blueberry scone, and one apple turn over." Dawn hummed—deciding to skip out on coffee this morning.

"Alright, I can get that for you." The barrista crooned while maneuvering her way amongst the back of the counter. She grabbed quickly the two sweet cakes and tucked them into a paper baggy and handled them to Dawn as she rang up Dawn's ticket.

"Your total comes to 6.47, will you be paying cash?"

Dawn smiled, and then pat her pack for her wallet with a cheery smile. Only... she twisted her fingers around the empty pocket and then quickly turned them out with a disgruntled frown. Perfect! She must have left it at the pokemon center with her backpack! Smacking her forehead, she ran her palm along her face, piplup mimicking the action.

"I left my wallet else where... I'm so sorry." Dawn whined with a prompt sigh; the barrista suddenly seemed hostile and rolled her eyes, moving to void the transaction before a tanned hand pressed between Dawn and the register, holding out a ten.

"I'll pay it." The strained, deep voice called over Dawn's shoulder. The barrista's automatic forced-joy returned as she took the money from his fingers, and tucked it away into the cash register. Dawn blinked once, and then turned to see auburn hair standing over her. Gary lumbered beside her, one hand in his purple pants pocket and the other gathering change while Dawn gawked at him with wide, blue eyes.

"...Stop staring, Dawn." Gary mused playfully, turning away from her to return to his seat beside the window where his white coat was tossed over the back of the chair and he had paperwork and a laptop that were a mess on the table. Watching him as he carried her food over to his table and slumped back into his seat, her mouth fell ajar. Piplup was much faster to the realization that food was indeed purchased and pounced onto the table to fetch its blueberry scone.

Shaking her head of murk, she teetered over to where Gary sat, and took her own turn over before falling to the seat opposite of him, wordlessly.

"Did the evil octopus lady steal your voice or something?" Gary asked, raising his eyebrows. Dawn quirked an eye brow at the obscure reference.

"Oh," Dawn chimed, shaking her head. "No, I was just startled is all." Though she really had no reason to be startled. The world was an increasingly smaller place the more she adventured through it seeing Gary unexpectedly wasn't very surprising.

"What are you doing in Slateport City?" She asked with a smile, picking at her turn over. Who was she to complain that he was here though, at least she had company now that wasn't _busy_ fornicating.

"Apparently a rare pokemon was spotted on the coast a few days ago. I've been trying to piece together the information—but I think this has been a bust." he grimaced while throwing up his arms to indicate his defeat.

Dawn blinked at him twice, and smacked her lips; an expression that caused Gary to grin in return.

"I'm sorry. I mean I'm here to compete in the poetry slam." he mocked her once-absolute belief with a snark tone.

"Shut up, Gary. I was like fourteen when I thought you and professor Oak were poets." Dawn grimaced, touching her face with an elongated sigh escaping her lips. It would have been nice if _someone_ told her they weren't poets! Brock, Ash and Gary turned it into a game though—making fun of her when she wasn't looking. Those jerks. She slanted her eyes, biting her turn over and glaring at him.

"It was pretty funny though..." Gary tried, but Dawn's pseudo-anger caused his eyebrows to droop.

"Are you in a bad mood?" It was a rare thing, usually moods bounced off Dawn like a rubber ball being thrown against pavement.

"Who? Me?" Dawn questioned, twisting a piece of dough between her fingers and sparing a glance at piplup. "No, I'm not upset. Do I seem upset?" She asked quickly, shifting her gaze around the cafe.

Gary raised his index finger and thumb and narrowed his eyes; "Just a little."  
Dawn's shoulders lowered and she sighed. "I'm fine."

"I think it was my dad who once told me if a girl says that she's fine, she is most definitely not _fine._ " He offered, shuffling a few of his papers into a brown file holder. Dawn flushed slightly, embarrassed.

"Your father was mistaken." She assured him halfheartedly.

"No, he was pretty smart, I'd say." Gary gestured to his work, as if indicating pokemon research ran in the family. He then closed his laptop and tucked it away into a black leather bag while Dawn pursed her lips unhappily. She was a little _sour_ but she wasn't _upset._ They were different.

"Being smart doesn't equal understanding females." Dawn whined, catching a short whistle from Gary.

"Now you're starting to sound like Misty, did she really rub off on you that much?" Gary chimed in, giving a knowing smile as bait—one that she knew she would have to take-she gnawed the inside of her cheek.

"I think you just have Misty on your mind." Dawn argued. "How are you handling the Ash and Misty media that's been sprayed _everywhere_?" she chimed pointing accusingly at him in an attempt to turn the conversation over, but he remained unaffected; in fact, he could only smile and take a swig of his beverage, whatever it was.

"I have the Oak curse. Once I'm rejected I move on just like," he snapped his fingers for emphasis. "that!" He chuckled, getting a peeved look from both piplup and Dawn. If only things were that easy for _her._

"Yippee for you." Dawn yawned, suddenly losing her appetite. Gary's eyelids lowered sympathetically.

"So it is about a boy? Man," He grinned at her in a snark way. "What is with Ash and attracting girls with a bunch of problems?"  
"I do not have problems! Besides you're the one that invited me to sit with you!" Dawn snapped, and then found herself blinking and covering her mouth at her explosion. Gary smiled slightly and Dawn had to admit; the implosion of feelings inside of her chest released some of the tension.

"Still not as scary as Misty." Gary complimented and Dawn huffed; she didn't _want_ to be scary like Misty. "What did Paul do?" He asked suddenly, catching her by surprise.

"...You mean, you're actually asking?" Dawn posed the question surprised. Gary frowned.

"I wouldn't have brought it up otherwise." Gary suggested with a short shrug. "Besides, I like to see the world burn just a little." He backhandedly referenced his inclusion in Misty's business; a brief kiss he shared with the red-head in order to shake up Ash's feelings at the party. Dawn knew this and sighed. Gary was no stranger to drama, in fact, he seemed to enjoy it—if someone would have asked her.

"It's not what he did." Dawn admit sullen. "It's what he _didn't_ do." She sighed, running her hand beneath her hat.

 **Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxo**

After leaving the party, Dawn followed Paul to the Hoenn region; that was their goal area. Paul would compete in the league, Dawn would join the Grand Festival. Wanting desperately to travel with someone, _anyone_ again, she picked on Paul; who—even though he was never really pleasant—always gave Dawn some of his time of day—and odd occurrence for anyone. So, that must have meant they were friends, right?

Because the only other option was following Drew and May around, and while she loved May, and Drew was an amazing top-coordinator, Dawn most definitely did _not_ want to be around a constant make-out session. And _boy_ did they make-out _a lot_. It was no wonder Max bailed on his sister—bless his little heart. They arrived in Petalburg City off the boat to the small island, Dawn wore her pink backpack with a grin while Paul brooded beside her.

"Where will we go first!" She had asked him right away, and he pointed directly to the main street—they would need to sign up for the appropriate league matches they would be working on.

And things were wonderful...for the first week.

Then, she must have started to get on Paul's nerves because he snapped at her about _everything_. One particular morning, the day before her contest was _horrible_. He was downright _mean_ to her.

"Have you ever wanted to be in a relationship?" She asked him over lunch, he sighed.

"No." He admit rubbing his forehead—this was only the the millionth time that she asked.

"Do you want to date me?" She tried coyly to break his shell. It worked.  
"No." He sputtered, spitting up the liquid he had just swallowed and covered his mouth.

She pursed her lips. "Why not?" She pestered annoyingly, but today was not the day. She watched the dark anger spring through his eyes as he exhaled.

"What is wrong with you? Have you always been obsessed with relationships? Since Ash's party you've become so damn clingy! If you wanted Ash so damn much maybe you shouldn't have set him up with that red-head!" He snapped angrily; breaking his typical stoic nature. Dawn blinked from surprise. If she didn't know any better, she might have even thought that Paul was _blushing_ , but instead, she deduced it to being anger instead.

"I...didn't want Ash!" She shouted back, her cheeks turning red. She didn't! She wanted _her_ Ash. In the sense she wanted what Misty had with Ash. What Drew had with May. What Tracey had with Daisy! But Paul didn't understand that.

"I think it would be best if we traveled alone for now." He offered, crossing his arms while picking up his black bag.

Dawn, not realizing what she had said wrong, inhaled. "I was just joking about..."  
"It's not just today." His cool nature collected, his voice returning to a harsh, cold, calm. "You can't seem to think outside of it. All you talk about are relationships; you've forgotten your goals."

Dawn scoffed, placing her hands on her hips. "I have not forgotten by goals." She admit sadly, but Paul shrugged her off coldly—in a fashion he hadn't done since they first met him in Sinnoh.

"What is you issue?" She groaned, upset by is callous actions.

"I think relationships are _stupid_. I think people who put all of their faith in relationships are _stupid._ You should learn to be yourself, by yourself." The message, though delivered monotonously hit Dawn like a wrecking ball and she grabbed her stomach and winced backwards, watching him turn away. Dawn wasn't stupid... she was just.

...Lonely.

 **Xoooxoxxoxoxox**

Dawn chewed her apply turn over at the explanation; admitting to having a little bit to drink after wards, to numb the pain. He refused to even ask how she managed to find alcohol—let alone enough to get tipsy. Of course, someone of Dawn's size was probably done after a single shot, and so he started to chuckle awkwardly as he look at her from across the table.

"That's it?"

Well when he said it like that, she _knew_ how silly it sounded! Dawn rolled her shoulders. No, it was more than that. It wasn't just Paul. It was everyone. She wanted to feel special, and loved; she spent so many years looking at her dreams she forgot to look back at her friends and family.

"Sort of.."

"Dawn, you're like seventeen." Gary tipped her his glass with a chuckle. His smooth voice drew her out of her stupor. "You're way to young to feel lonely."

"No I'm not." She suggested and Gary sighed, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Listen; I'll tell you the same thing I told Misty when she was doing this over Ash." Gary sat back in his chair. "You're too good for this." He offered and Dawn felt a small twitch pull at her lips, forcing her to smile.

"Thank you." She admit, having forgotten that not too long ago, Misty was going through this as well.

"You're welcome." he paused. "But in other news, if you need someone to beat Paul up, Ash has a nice right hook." Gary laughed, getting an elated squeal from Dawn, who seemed to bounce back right away.

"Did you find that out the hard way?" She asked innocently, and Gary brushed his fingers along his once swollen cheek.

"Yeah, actually."

"It wasn't entirely undeserved." Dawn offered with a sly smirk and Gary shrugged.

"I can't argue with that. Only, between you and me, I think Misty hits harder." Gary tapped his fingers against the wooden cafe table, sparring a glance at the barrista working who had been rude to Dawn. The coordinator laughed.

"The way you talk about her..." Dawn paused, feeling for the boy. She shut her mouth and then grinned. "I think you should take your own advice." She suggested, getting Gary to snort.

"Nah, I'm perfectly okay swinging." He admit, sitting back in his chair with a lust-driven smirk that made Dawn's face fall.

"That's disgusting." Dawn admit, lowering her hands to the table, he shrugged. "Hey, I have an idea! Why don't you travel with Drew, May and I for awhile?" She mused happily, always enjoying more people.

Gary made a face of concern. "...I'm going to pass." he shuddered. "Didn't you see those two at the party?" he gestured with his hands causing Dawn to boldly laugh.

"They're not that bad!" She defended but Gary sat back to look around the cafe, eyes settling on hers.

"Then where are they?" He mused and Dawn's face fell quickly; her eyes shifted around the room and she popped her lips together.

"...Okay, _sometimes_." Dawn said while rubbing the back of her neck. "But it's better than traveling alone."

"I guess." His phone rang in his pocket, and he looked down to see Professor Oak's number. He skipped the call. "That's my cue to leave." He offered, slipping out of his chair. In one motion he pulled on his lab coat and packed away his remaining papers into the folds of his laptop back. Dawn's shoulders lowered.

"Oh. Okay. Tell your grandfather the poet I said hi." She grinned, also slipping out of her chair as piplup jumped onto her shoulder.

"I will." He buttoned his lab coat closed slightly and then snapped his fingers, quickly scribbling a few numbers down onto a torn napkin.

"By the way this is Misty's number; if you ever need advice." He said while handing her the torn napkin. Dawn's breath hitched as she pressed her fingers forward, brushing against his larger hands her face flushed awkwardly as she thumbed the small parchment.

"Thank you." She said oddly, and Gary dusted off his shoulder nonchalant.

"Don't worry about it. Just keep your chin up, you have friends all over the place. You shouldn't feel _lonely_." He half mocked her as he tossed her a brief glance over his shoulder, and then stalked out of the cafe.

For a moment, Dawn remained standing with her fingers wrapped around the napkin and her breath frozen in her lungs. She hadn't even considered calling Misty; or anyone, really. She couldn't talk to May about it—not because May wouldn't listen, but because May wasn't always the best at relationship stuff. Dawn's eyebrows scrunched up. She wasn't even really mad about Paul; if anything, she knew how frustrated he was because _she_ was frustrated to. Taking out her pokegear, rather than calling Misty; she scrolled to find Paul's never-used number and shot him a quick apology for her behavior.

She needed to focus on herself. Dawn bit down hard on her lip and pressed her gearphone to her chest, finally seeing Drew and May walking down the street, holding her bag with them. She ran out after them with her arm extended.

"Hey!" She called to them, chipper.

"Hey!" May called back, "We were looking for you. We bumped into Gary on his way out of town—he said you were this way." May said sounding chipper, which was matched by an equal chipper Dawn.

"Well, you found me!" She said, and May blinked worriedly.

"..You...uh, seem happier." She suggested, gesturing to Dawn's new straightened posture.

"I'm trying." Dawn admit, and then pointed at May. "But you know what I think would help?" She asked and May blinked a few times.

"What?"

"Helping you with your appeal game! If I have to watch you lose again I'm afraid you'll start rubbing off on me!" Dawn shrieked, getting a scowl from the older girl.

"That's rude!" May chimed in, but Dawn took her by the hand; removing Drew from the picture and leaving him standing in the street blinking oddly.

"It's not rude! C'mon, it'll be fun to practice some new routines together." Dawn egged happily while May giggled beside her, anger lost.

If there was one thing that would make Dawn feel better; it was helping other people, and May needed it. Maybe that was a start? Still, she couldn't shake the feeling in her heart that she was off somehow, somewhere—just a little...different than she was before. Before she left with Paul, before she started her own journey. _Something_ was wrong, and if it wasn't because she was lonely, what else could it have been?


	6. Chapter 6: Ash

**Equanimity, Chapter 6** **: Week six**

Starting the moment he became Regional Champion—everything changed for him. Girls, who would not have given him the time of day before, flocked around him at every chance. People begged him to battle. Trainers and coordinators alike asked him for advice whenever they got the chance. Ash would be lying if he said he didn't let _some_ of it go to his head.

Two weeks ago when he canceled on his girlfriend, it would mark the first promise that he broke to visit Misty. They were supposed to attend the new quarter Kanto Pokemon League announcements party together, but Ash couldn't find time off. Call it his sense of duty or his newly found and inflated ego; but when someone asked Ash to attend a banquet, a tournament, a contest, a showcase and stand in as one of the important figure heads—he had a really, _really_ hard time saying no. Aside from the Kalos league parties, which were twice as frequent than Kanto league—seriously, these guys threw a party about everything!-the dinners, the mandatory staff meetings and coaching spots—he barely had time to think for himself, let alone plan a trip to leave and come back all in under forty-eight hours. The plane trip to Kalos was twelve hours one way, so when the Friday before the party came, he...bailed.

Besides the fact that he was overwhelmed by the time commitment, a he had a show case to appear at the day of the Kanto party. Later that same day, he had a host of contests to sort through, followed by a ceremony meeting to kick off the beginning of the performers banquet. With all of these things piling up, the _last_ thing he wanted to do was fly twelve hours to Kanto, spend a loving too-few hours with his girlfriend, dread the painful goodbye, and then spend twelve hours flying _back_ to Kalos. Especially because he would be under media scrutiny the entire time they were together at the Kanto league gathering—which meant they would only have about an hour of privacy— _if that_.

Ash huffed from his seat at the airport, rolling his rice ball in his hands as his gaze forward at the line up of incoming flights. Pikachu slept beside him, as exhausted as he felt. But his pride was glowing, so proud of all of the work he was managing. His good deeds even cleared some of the negativity of his reputation—if only a little bit. Being a 'champion' was _a lot_ more than he asked for. Aside from attending pokemon related things, he was expected to act and talk a certain way—be a part of some higher political agenda that he couldn't phantom knew anything about the real world. Larceny and terrible decisions? A thing of the past!

Also a thing of the past? Entering any of the tournaments he was supposed to be monitoring! He wasn't even supposed to battle random pokemon trainers because as a league official, he _could not_ lose under any circumstances. So mixed into his terrible work schedule where he was at the beck and call any time the league phoned him—he was tired. Unfortunately, he couldn't ask for time off, because _he did_ have some time off to train his pokemon and catch new ones—he even had the chance to travel occasionally. His days would end around 6:00pm, where he was free of work and people if he wanted to be. But that gave him little time to talk and be around the people he wanted—the person—he wanted to be around.

Mostly because she was thousands of miles away.

Sighing sadly, he pulled out his pokegear-phone which he had turned to silence hours ago. He was determined to ignore the Kalos League this weekend if he had to pull his own teeth out to do so. Not because he didn't _enjoy_ the fame—but because Misty hadn't said much to him over the last few days. Whether her messages were not going through, or she, too, was exceptionally busy; he couldn't shake the fact that he was in trouble.

Re-reading her comments, she seemed overly nonchalant, her messages lacked character and creativity, and she made no attempts to jab his ego when he would gloat about his winnings and titles.

Gazing up at the terminal gates again, he leaned forward and pushed off the bench a small ways to lean over the railing.

When Misty text him to let him know that she was going to visit this weekend—he made sure that anything that was absolutely necessary was completed, and anything that could be sloughed off until Monday _would be_. In a wild attempt to make the visit easier, because he was _dying_ to see her, whether he admit it or not, he even offered to pay for her air fare so she could take the overly-priced over-night flight that left Friday evening instead of Saturday morning so he would have undisturbed, quality time with the gym leader. Even after he bailed on her, she was such a sport, dropping her duties to come visit him. Ash had no idea how he got so lucky.

Well, he did; he had gone through a lot to determine his feelings for Misty were legit, and while he wished the entire scenario hadn't been so _damn_ complicated, he would not change it. Not if it meant he would have to go back to how things were. A strange, ignorant life that he was living—pretending that girls did not exist.

Though-he grinned, seeing her familiar red hair as she walked into the security booth—he supposed that he survived because he only ever had eyes for Misty; who looked devilishly inviting today. With a slight scowl drawn over her lips as the man at the security booth told her to raise her arms as the machine checked for any weapons, Ash could not help but stare at her. Her hair, having grown long enough to pulled into a high pony tail was up sloppily on her head. She didn't wear any jewelry or make-up, so the dark rings under her eyes were fairly apparent. The inherit lack of make up brought out her natural beauty, Ash thought the way her skin would crinkle around her eyes when she smiled made his head spin.

Ash was also discovering that the longer they dated, the more time he spent _thinking_ about her, the longer he found small portions of her appearance far outweighed the more pretentious beauty standards that most men would dream about. He tilted his head, watching as she adjusted the same vest she wore last time she visited—leaving it unzipped to fall beside her chest and show off her low-cut, black tank top that unlike usual, did not reveal her mid-riff. Beneath that, however she wore _those_ tight shorts—the ones that showed _everything_. Her hips swayed as she collected her bag and Ash found it increasingly difficult to look away. Chewing on the inside of his cheek he watched her.

Lost in his own thought, he had not noticed he close proximity until she was standing toe-to-toe with him across the railing, and staring directly at him. It unnerved him only the slightest.

"If you keep staring like that," She spoke, her words causing splinters of chills to frame his chest and his eyes were drawn to her pink lips. "I'm going to start calling you Brock."

...annnnd—Ash smacked his forehead—the moment was lost.

"I'm not staring." He denied flatly, but he so _was_. He might have even been doing a little more than just _staring_. But he would never admit that. Not to hear. She jumped over the railing with little effort this time, her red-sneakers offering much more mobility than the boots she wore last time. Not to mention her shorts—how had he never noticed how _short_ they were before. How _exposed_ her pale her long, lean legs were in them.

"Ash, you're staring again." She glowered, snapping her fingers near her face to draw him back to her face.

"What?" He gasped, sucking in air, probably matching the appearance of a magikarp. Misty rolled her eyes and pat him on the shoulder, preparing to guide him out of the airport terminal while also collected Pikachu by waking the pokemon. It followed behind the couple closely albeit, wobbly at first.

Well, this was not exactly going as he had planned. Ash _had_ planned to whisk her away romantically, steal her into the forest and avoid most wakes of the town—but perhaps, he had not worked himself into such bold confidence yet. She tagged him by the hand and dragged him along, as she usually did. He always let her take the lead. But for some reason, today was different, at least different than it had been before. Her shoulders seemed almost callous, a chip that he wanted to shake off. Was she mad? Was her flight bad?

They were at the corner of the street, near a protective isle of an ally way when Ash finally pried his fingers apart from her and earned her undivided attention. Her waist twisted at him, her shoulders lowering slightly.

"What?" She asked suddenly, turning around as Ash tucked her into his arms and twist into the dark ally way, away from any prying eyes—his red hat was well known to most people—and he didn't want a repeat of Prism Tower. He squeezed her tightly, eliciting a short squeak from the woman as he shattered the ice.

Misty giggled at his touch, wrapping her own arms tightly around his neck whilst tucking her nose into the crook of his neck to take in his woodsy scent. In turn, she still smelled like the gym; chlorine and some type of flower or maybe the hint of strawberries? He was not sure; but he refused to let go, intimately tracing the familiar frame of her toned body and exhaling loudly. She was here. She made it. _Finally_. He missed everything about her when she was not around.

Feeling a bit awkward herself, glancing out toward the street which was only a few paces away and at Pikachu who was subjected to enough of their intimate moments, she cleared her throat and rubbed his back soothingly. Denying his advances.

"So, are you going to say something?" _like, sorry?_ She added as a bitter after-thought. Ash shuddered, the whisper-tone of her voice only forced Ash into squeezing her tighter, as if he couldn't get closer to her.

"I missed you." he spoke into her collar, breathing on her neck. She giggled, unable to hold back her laugh as she slid her hands down his shoulders, until pressing them hard against his chest, wedging some space between them to look up at his chocolate eyes and licked her lips in preperation.

His phone vibrated in his back pocket, and her mind was lulled away. She sighed instead, slipping his hands away from her hips.

"I did, too." She offered with a cheeky grin. Ash's face fell.

"What?" He gasped, obviously unsatisfied by the short-lived contact

"Aren't you going to get that?" She asked pointedly, alerting Ash to his phone which was _supposed_ to be on silent. He must have accidentally bumped the switch when he was scrolling through their messages. His face fell, thinking he was being smooth.

"No. You're here. I'm ignoring everything else today." He purred, brushing his lips against her neck, only to have her retaliate by pushing away from him. Almost _angrily._ She huffed, leaving him to kiss air as she kicked out of the ally way. Nope, she was clearly angry.

Did he do something he wasn't aware of?

While Misty fixed and adjusted her shirt, she pursed her lips. Ash could ignore his phone long enough for her to visit; but he could not do the same? It wasn't like it was any easier for her to leave the gym for long weekends! His ditching her made he the laugh of the league party—even the local newspapers joked about their 'relationship'. But, apparently. She had to stop herself from snarling as she zipped her vest up so her neck would no longer be exposed for his kisses. He followed her nervously, batting at her hand like a child in trouble.

"You shouldn't ignore your job for _me_ , Ash." She grumbled, in return, Ash still tried to scrape together what had happened and his eyes filled with worry.

"No, wouldn't want to _prioritize_ anything." She muttered, tugging on her black under shirt. Again, Ash was sure that wasn't true—what ever she was getting at.

"Misty, if there's something bothering you, you can tell me." He said innocently with a sweet smile. "Did your sisters do something?"

Was he _stupid_?! Misty slapped her forehead, and then exhaled loudly.

"I just need a shower, is all." She grumbled, stretching her aching muscles as the morning sun poured down on her. Ash snapped his fingers.

"Then we can go to Richissime!" Ash said matter-of-fact, referencing one of the more prestigious, fancier hotels in all of Kalos—that he could afford now that he wasn't on a basic-battler's wage. Misty knew of the hotel well, and had fancied some flirtatious rendezvouses with Ash secretly; but she didn't bite. Which only made Ash's shoulders fall.

"The pokemon center is fine." She said heatedly, though Ash tried to grab her wrist, she rejected his efforts—what ever happened—she was pissed.

 _At him_.

"I can't go to the pokemon center, Mist." he warned her, rushing forward to keep her pace. Last time he stepped foot into the public center, he was chased for two hours; including the last time Misty visited.

"Then I guess we should meet up elsewhere after I've showered."

Ash stopped, watching her walk away without even noticing him at first. He panicked, his heart twisted and flipping in his stomach; then she stopped with a long sigh, and turned to offer him a brief wave.

"I'll call you when I'm done." She hollered, repressing her annoyed tone—she hadn't thought she would still be upset; but she supposed it festered over the last two weeks while Daisy's words played back in her mind. _You've already played this game_.

On the other hand, Ash hung back, arms limp at his sides while an equally as confused pikachu hopped onto his shoulder and 'cha'd his support eagerly. He felt like his ankles had weights on him, and her callous nature was the river he was being thrown in to.

What did he do?

 **Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo**

Ash spent the hour she was away pacing outside of central part east, a section of the park closed off by construction that was on the same block as the pokemon center near the edge of the forest. Untraveled just enough that Ash could effectively pace and hide away without being noticed by any _fangirls_. The last thing he wanted to do was give Misty another reason to be upset; he hadn't even figured out the first reason yet! It couldn't have been the party, he already apologized for that—unless it was? Was that it? Surely she understood the circumstances! Panic filling his chest, he chewed his nails relentlessly while Pikachu found perch to sleep at the top of one of the machines. She couldn't have been on her _period_ could she? He remembered the _first_ time that started to happen when they were only kids; if she was scary then, she would be horrifying now!

Nervous, he pulled out his phone to do what he did best; called in a friend during his time of need. Brock was his go-to guy, everything he had been struggling with he called and talked to Brock. He was a man of many talents and advice—but he also wasn't answering Ash's rapid text messages.

So he went with option two:

"Misty's mad. Help?" Ash sent the message to Gary.

His reply came automatically: "Messing up already?"

Ash could hear the snark tone of his voice and it made his blood boil relentlessly. "No! I have done everything right."

"Obviously not everything, Ashy-boy, or she wouldn't be mad."

Ash hated that nickname. "Then what? Has she talked with you?"

"Have you apologized to her yet?" He replied, skipping over the talking portion.

"For what?" Ash asked skeptically, he _did_ apologize for the party—and to his knowledge, he hadn't done anything else!

"Oh, boy. Good luck, Ash." Gary replied quickly, and then didn't reply to any of Ash's other frantic messages where he asked what Gary meant by that, and what Ash was supposed to be apologizing for! But seconds later Misty was calling him and he answered on the first ring.

"Hello?" Ash echoed nervously.

"I thought you were ignoring your phone?" came her untamed reply. Ash swallowed back his own snarky reply.

"You said you would call." he sad quickly, but then didn't miss a beat. "I'm in the construction yard at Central Park East, just to the right of the pokemon center if you wanted to come over." he spoke quickly, stumbling over his words. His heart raced in his chest.

"Be there in a few." She said subjectively, and ended the call before he could speak again. He pulled on his hair, nearly knocking off his hat as he screamed inwardly. What was he supposed to say!?

Misty appeared over the fence, wearing a variation of the same clothes that she had on before—black tights, and a red-shirt. Everything else was the same. The main difference was her damp hair on her neck as she landed easily on the other side of the fence. Ash instinctively clawed at her to help her stand, but she accepted no assistance as she dusted off her hands.

"Why are you here?" She asked coyly, knitting her brows.

"Because it was close by and not out in the open." He admit worriedly, quickly. He was never good when he was on the spot.

"Ahh..." She managed breathlessly.

Sharing a moment of silence, one where Misty stared questionably out into the forest down the ways and tilted her head.

"Misty, are you mad at me?" He asked abruptly, stealing her attention from what ever was down the forest path. She turned at him, blushing slightly at his blunt nature.

"I..." Misty started, but was rudely interrupted by the distraction in the distance coming into full view, and launching an arm to grab for pikachu, who was still sleeping.

"Prepare for trouble!" the shrill voice of a woman rang from the top of one of the moving machines coming directly for them.

"No!" Ash screamed suddenly, jarring their entire motto, as well as nearly causing Misty to fall over in shock. Pikachu awoke at the sudden yell.

"Hey, twerp! Let us finish!" Jessie screamed in turn while both Meowth and James whined.

"No, no no no no!" Ash yelled, flailing his fists like a toddler. "I don't have time for this today!" He shouted, throwing out his fist to command pikachu.

"Use thunderbolt!" Ash yelled abruptly, causing a flabbergasted Team Rocket on their moving machine to twitch uncomfortably having only been blasted off a few times before their motto was finished. Misty grinned, unable to miss in the action herself and whipped her arm back before throwing it forward, letting the from of a giant _monster_ , also known as gyarados, rise from the red beam.

"Jessie, I think we should have thought this through more." James whined, holding his partner briefly.

"Forget that, we're about to be blasted off again." Meowth muttered in his accent while Jessie sighed, all in time for Misty to call out a flamethrower to match the intensity of Pikachu's thunderbolt.

"Looks like all this effort was a waste again." She whined as the two attacks made contact with the machine below their feet—resulting in a twist of fire and lightning that formed a giant, rage inducing explosion that shot sparks and smoke in every direction as they once again defied gravity so easily. _Blasting off_ again.

"Pikapi!" The pokemon cheered in goodbye to the flying group.

Squealing gleefully, a rare noise from the red-head, Ash whipped his attention back at her as she clapped her hands together and then returned Gyarados. She looked at Ash with raised, amused eyebrows.

"I can't believe that's still a thing that they do. Have they ever succeeded?" She mused happily, the expression of torment replaced just long enough for Ash to forget his own issues—just glad to see her smiling.

"They don't do it as much." He admit honestly, pressing in close to her as she rubbed her chin mischievously.

"At least they're not kidnapping people anymore—though, that was arguably never those clowns." Misty said thoughtfully, looking up at the gleam of their passing star in the memory. Ash stretched his fingers out to grab a hold of her wrist and jar it forward. She winced; he hadn't really gotten used to the whole 'gentle' touch persona yet, so it was a good thing she was more than durable.

"Ow." She hissed as he examined the ugly red scar on the corner of her wrist, between her palm and joint. He thumbed the healed wound gently, grazing over her flesh so gently a shiver ran through her body. Without thinking, he brought the scar to his lips, pressing firmly against her warm flesh before looking up at her sweetly.

"I'm glad it's healed." He admit breathlessly, causing her words to fall flat as a cheery blush covered every corner of her face. While she hated the scar, it played a constant reminder of their relationship—at least the start of it. There was no doubt it echoed the same reflection in Ash as his dorky smile transformed into a grin.

"But we really should leave this area. People will come by to check and I don't want to deal with fan girls running around." he admit sheepishly, letting her fingers grasp his as he tugged her forward, and down the forest path where Team Rocket had been only moments ago. Pikachu followed a step behind them as Ash led her away from the construction site and into the crust of the forest before slowing to a walk.

Nothing was better than the fresh breeze offered by morning; even if it was a bit chilly. Misty didn't seem to mind the weather, though, as she watched Ash skeptically; unable to keep her words in any longer.

"I don't understand you." She groaned, catching Ash's attention. He stopped and blinked at her.

"What?"

"You can be so damn sweet one second, and then a complete idiot the next." She warned him, stepping dangerously close to his face with her manicured finger pointed accusingly at him.

"I..I don't know what you mean." He stammered, blushing.

"I'm talking about how you _stood_ me up at the league! Have you even read the magazines and articles they've been writing about us lately?" She grimaced, scolding him.

"I'm sorry. I promise to call earlier next time..." He offered, her face only inches from his as she yelped.

"Next time? So you admit there is _going_ to be a next time! What was your reason for _this_ time, Ash? I was embarrassed!" She paused briefly, just long enough for Ash to catch the redness of her angered cheeks, and the plump nature of her lips. He licked his momentarily. _Trying_ to pay attention.

She continued, "Do you even have any idea how much time I've spent trying to-" But it was so hard to listen when she dangled her mouth so close to his. It was almost like she was _begging_ for him to kiss her—and so he did. Roughly. Grabbing the back of her head to bring her forward so fast, her head spun and her eyes remained wide open in shock as he squeezed his own shut.

The soft traces of her lips, the pressure of his fingers wiggling through her damp hair. She had no words left when he separated from her. While her lips still partially split at the surprise, he licked his own with a mocking pop. That would be two initiated kisses for him; zero for Misty. He was really winning at this boyfriend thing.

"Ash..." She growled but a grinning Ash put a finger to her lips, and then brought her in close by guiding her chin forward and wrapping his other arm around her back.

He purred. "Shut up, Mist."

While he always favored her talks, their banter, their weird way of flirting; there was no denying that _sometimes_ she got carried away and needed a prompt push in the right direction. Besides, he was yearning to kiss her again.

A furious blush covered her cheeks in retort as he brought his moist lips down onto hers again in a sweet kiss, unlike the last. Dampening on tingly, maybe even breathtaking. _Ahh,_ he loved kissing her probably about as much as he loved battling—if not more. His lips parted hers again, skipping the routine innocent kisses in favor for the glowing money shot that would acquire _those_ sounds from her throat. _Damn him_ she swore, though she couldn't resist him physically, her body would feasibly not allow it; she refused to let him have control of this moment. She felt his lips part hers, and then the gentle brush of his tongue against her bottom lip and clamped her mouth closed as she racked her fingers into his dark hair.

Misty challenged him with a quirked eyebrow, parting long enough for him to glare and swing her around into the wisps of the grass, forcing her back up against anything available at the time—this being a tree so close to the path. She gasped in turn and he kissed her again desperately slipping his tongue into the depths of her mouth, eliciting a moan from her that she otherwise refused to make. He knew she was cursing him, by the way her body refused to mold into his like it normally did; she stood rigid, only giving him enough room to play; but not giving in.

He exhaled grumpily into the kiss. She could be so stubborn. Misty kissed him back, yet refused to offer any indication she was enjoying it. But he _knew_ that she was. Otherwise, she would have already kneed him in the groin—she wasn't past that. _They_ weren't past that. Bravely, he lapsed his fingers around her slim waist, which seemed so much smaller when they were so close; his body overwhelmed hers. Misty didn't seem to mind, standing on her tip-toes to drape her arms around his neck high enough that her shirt rose, and his fingers pawed at the flesh below her clothing, gently slipping around her back.

Again, she gasped as their mouths moved so familiarly against one another and he stopped to grin at her once more. Smacking his lips satisfyingly; a red hue over his own cheeks. Kissing her always worked him up. It wasn't even 10:00am yet, and he was already knee deep into a wonderfully wonderful petting with his beautiful red head. She caught whiff of this, and exhaled.

"I'm still mad at you." She wagered, but it was an empty threat. Ash grinned in turn.

"If that's how you kiss me when you're mad at me, I wonder what pissed off feels like." He offered, his toothy smile forcing her to pinch the back of his neck playfully in repercussion.

"Ow." he winced, nudging her against the tree as he dipped his lips down to the nape of her neck, and unzipped her vest to reprieve access.

"You still haven't apologized." She offered, eyes shifting slightly to where she saw pikachu climbing into one of the apple trees and gorging himself. They needed to find a friend for the pokemon soon—otherwise, this would be its life now. She didn't think the pokemon minded though, if anything, pikachu was always their greatest support of their relationship. Ash's hot kisses brought her mind back to him in one motion as he ran his hand up the back of her shirt.

"I'm sorry I canceled on you." He said naturally, kissing below her earlobe. Misty rolled her eyes, fighting the urge to claw her nails into his back.

She scowled, or at least tried to. Her entire face was so hot, she was lucky words were forming at all. "That doesn't sound sincere at all."

Then he stopped, and looked her in the eye. "If I had to pick between kissing you and battling. I would kiss you every time." he paused, watching her throw her head back in hopelessness. "Only sometimes I don't have the opportunity to _pick_."

 _Ugh!_ She thought angrily, she hated his horrible analogies and how _sweet_ they were. They did things to her that weren't proper, _things_ Ash was not ready for. With butterfree swelling in her stomach, she met his eyes and huffed expecting to see sincerity; only, she saw a seductive, wild mischievousness instead. A side of him that was _only hers_ during times like this. Her mouth twitched.

"Unless it was something major... like a legendary or something." He paused. "Or a league match. Or, well, the chance to eat a decent meal rather than suffer at your cooking." He wagged an eyebrow at her, and she could feel a vein forming over her cheek.

"There you go again, idoit! Stop while you're ahead!" She groaned, bumping him on the head playfully as he stuck his tongue out at her and then wrapped his arms protectively around the full of her back and snuggled in close.

He mused into her neck, "I love you, crazy."

"That is not a nickname that is allowed to happen!" She yelped, turning red as he could only smile at her. Carefully, he whisked her away for a steamy conference in the shrub of the trees; hearing pikachu sigh adorably and shake his head at their antics. What was he supposed to do with his trainers?

 **Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxo**

Supposedly, they were making up for lost time. That's what they told themselves when they tumbled to the forest floor and spent a good part of the afternoon, moving well into the evening, _catching_ up. Apparently, Misty was paying for Daisy's wedding, which he had not known about until today; and she was under excruciating demands to go with Daisy during every single fitting. Not only that, league officials were stopping by the gym frequently since those _articles_ about the two of them started. Ash felt bad about that; but there wasn't a lot that he could do to fix it. He talked about how busy he is; how he doesn't really get to battle anymore, and how it's not legal for him to battle with any pokemon apart of his winning champion team, because losing could be a nightmare. This all in the middle of discovering how gifted her mouth was; and learning a few tricks from her.

Once, Misty commented that Kalos was simply a more strictly ran business-being one of the larger regions where Kanto was a lot more relaxed because it was smaller.

Maybe Ash should have won the Kanto league instead. He rolled his eye playfully. He couldn't imagine having to do all of this when he was a kid—he barely manged it _now_ as a young adult.

They laid on their backs side by side, pikachu having long returned to be cradled in Misty's arms as they stared up at the clouds giggling to one another about certain shapes that looked like certain objects or pokemon; an activity they hadn't participated in willingly since they were children.

"Man, I feel like I haven't done anything productive today." He admit earnestly, scratching his hatless hair. Misty had stolen from it about a hour ago and refused to return it until he could reiterate her birthday. He didn't want to admit he forgot; so he probably just lost _that_ hat forever, too. Like the damn indigo league one that he _knew_ was in her house somewhere. No one else took it and she was the only other person that wanted one.

"Oh, so being with me _isn't_ productive? I can go home whenever, you know." She mused, pinching him on the cheek. He glared at her and then shook his head, rolling his eyes to look back up at the sky while he tucked the back of his hands behind his head for support.

He smiled softly. "You know, Misty." he started, causing her to turn at him slightly. "The kissing is nice, the touching, being—err—anyways;" he stammered, blushing furiously before side-glancing at her. "But I missed _this_ most of all. Just being around you."

Misty's face fell, as a distinct coo left her throat and she pat pikachu on the head showing her support. "Aww, Ash." She offered. "I feel like you're about to tell me your dog died, or that you have only a week to live." She finished with a sarcastic tone and sly smirk that made his skin crawl.

Ash's face fell and he pounced on her aggressively, pulling on her cheeks in a playful manner. "This is why I don't say nice things to you." he joked just long enough to watch her cerulean eyes fill of a love-sick gaze.

"I love you." She uttered breathlessly, smiling at him as a rosy tinge covered her cheeks. At that, pikachu ran again.

Then there was that, those three words from her mouth were an electroshock that made his heart skip like a scratched record. She didn't say it as often as he did—whether she realized it or not. But when she did; she always had that same look of infinite bliss and adornment; eyes only for him. For a moment, he wondered how he missed it for so long, and then secondly, how oddly comforting an terrifying it felt hearing _her_ say it. Playful banter gone, he found himself kissing her again. This time with a sense of urgency lost on his other kisses as his hands trailed up her shirt, revealing her stomach as she gasped happily. He broke for air, darting his mouth down to the soft spots of her neck as he rolled over on top of her, hearing a pleasant moan when his hands grabbed lower...and lower...

And then Misty's phone rang.

Lost in a trance, she gasped as her eyes opened worriedly, but with a grunt from Ash followed by a sting against her neck, she was his again.

"Ignore it." he groaned, pawing at her inner thighs. He wasn't entirely sure what he was doing, but that's what his body told him to do; so he went with it especially because of the way she moved beneath him when he did. She didn't need to be told twice at this rate. She let out a pleasant noise, something crossed between a moan and a gasp as he sucked on her collarbone.

Her phone rang again; this time more persistent than last, and drawing Misty's attention once more. She reached for it, but Ash stopped her. Promptly snatched her escaped hand and brought it back to his body, pressing the palm of it against his racing heart as he kissed down her arm awkwardly and found foundation on her lips.

Then it rang again, seconds after the last one, and Ash groaned tiredly, glaring at her back pack where the damn phone sang that silly jingle. Leaving her lips parted temptingly, Ash pulled away long enough to grab her bag and check the number for her; an unknown number. He dropped the phone, and then returned to his business; earning a chortle from the female below him. He was acting so strange; Ash knew this, but he wasn't entirely thinking all on his own at the moment; his body had simply gone numb enough outside of where their bodies touched that he hardly noticed.

Aside from that _damn_ ring that kept tugging his attention; Misty's as well. She had taken to wrapping her arms around his neck to bring him down closer; but he was now tired of her phone, and so he slipped it into her fingers before grunting.

"Answer it so they stop calling." He mused frustrated, dipping his head down once again to suck on her neck eagerly.

She rolled her eyes carefully while swiping to answer the call; he didn't seem interested in stopping his advances, and Misty wasn't about to tell him to, especially not now when his fingers fumbled with the clasp of her bra.

"Hello?" She called breathlessly, being met first with silence, Ash kissed her collarbone thoughtlessly, getting a gratifying shudder from his girlfriend.

"Misty?" Dawn's voice echoed from the other side of the line, her voice cracking slightly as she did. Actually, Misty very quickly discerned the sound of sniffling, and knit her eyebrows together; her attention weening very slowly.

"Dawn?" Misty answered, feeling Ash freeze his motions, listening carefully.

Another sniffle; "Can you talk? I...I uh.. I need help."

Misty practically elbowed Ash off of her, much to his dislike, but he was now coming down from what ever strange high that was as well; hearing the alert nature of Misty's voice.

"Help? Are you alright?" Misty asked promptly, a worried, motherly tone replacing the once very sultry one that had Ash wrapped up.

"What's wrong?" Ash echoed her concern, suddenly forgetting about their antics at the thought that Dawn might be in trouble.

"Oh, mew." Dawn gasped, sounding worse than before. "Is that Ash? I'm so sorry for-"

"No, no. It's fine Dawn. What happened?" She asked quickly pressing the phone against her shoulder while she maneuvered the strap that Ash had worked so hard to undo, back together.

"You can't tell Ash." Dawn urged, causing Misty to eye Ash for a moment, an then turn away.

"Alright, I won't." Misty confirmed as she fixed the collar of her vest. Pikachu bound back from the tree it had climbed into to sit in Ash's lap, staring worriedly up at him. Ash shrugged unsure of the problem himself.

"Gary said... Oh man, I didn't know you where you were or I wouldn't have..." Full of tears Dawn sounded like she was drowning on the other line. Misty brushed her hair from her neck while Ash glared worriedly, taking her hand in silent support.

"Dawn, what ever it is, it's okay. Just calm down." Misty cooed, sitting forward and sighing. A painful pause surfaced shortly after, and she sniffled once more noticeably.

"Paul and I..." Dawn started, but found herself choking on her words before she could finish them. Luckily, Misty wasn't as inept as many of their friends, and she sprung to her feet, alarmed.

"What?" Misty shouted quickly.

"I know!" Dawn whined, Misty could hear her wiping at her tears and the red head started to pace.

"Why? How?" Misty rumbled angrily thinking of the things she would do to hurt that purple-haired son of a...

"It's a long story." She hiccuped. "Is there any way you could..."

"Yes, mew, I'll be there." Misty offered her support quickly and without thinking. Ash, though, worriedly chimed in his two cents.

"What?" He yelped, but it fell on silent ears.

"Text me which city you're in and I'll be there as soon as possible, okay?" Misty's commanding voice bringing Dawn down a few notches.

"Okay. I'll see you soon." Dawn gasped tiredly and Misty nodded to herself.

"Take care of yourself, okay?" Misty added and then sighed as she hung up the phone. Ash gawked at her, worry mixed with terror mixed with confusion.

"What's happening?"

"Would you believe me if I said it was a girl problem?"

Ash frowned, shoulders dropping. "No..."

"Then don't worry about it..." She offered, scooping up her bag and tossing her phone into the purse of it. Ash was on his feet in seconds.

"You're leaving?" He gasped, blinking several times. Misty's face drew in discomfort and she winced.

"It's something kind of important..." She muttered pathetically, but that didn't stop Ash's deflated chest and lowered arms.

"But you just got here!" he whined, and Misty could only smile sweetly at him.

"I know. I'm sorry." She leaned forward kissing him quickly and stopping his spiel as she dropped his hat back onto his head in the middle of the kiss. When she went to move away from him, however, he grabbed her upper arms right above her elbows and reeled her back in for a second, and then a third kiss. Memorizing her intense flavors and presence.

"If Dawn's in trouble, I should come to." Ash grunted pathetically, but Misty's knowing smile ended that before he could start.

"It's not something you'd be able to help with." Assuring him, she brushed her hands against the fabric of his stomach, but what left butterfrees before only made room for zubats now.

"But Misty...we never..." he tried to complain; but knew his own selfishness wasn't as important as his friends.

"I know, but this isn't about us." Misty chimed in, wiggling her way out of his grasp; he sighed heatedly, listening to the ring that her phone made when a text was received.

Without hesitation, he assaulted her, draping his arms around her shoulders and pulling her into a rather tight embrace.

"I would kill to have a day with you that doesn't end with a goodbye."

 **Author's Note:**

I changed the rating, btw. I have the outline for this and I can say there are several parts that are not going to pass off as a T...sooo... you've been warned?

YAY TEENAGE HORMONES.

So, I kind of realized that my Ash and Misty chapters are always excruciatingly long. I plan to bring longer chapters because even though it's a character switch shouldn't provide an excuse for trying harder. e.e; That being said; enjoy this little makey-outtie section, because they will be few, and far in between. -cries with you-. Poor Dawn, she came in with a splash. -shot- Would you guys hate me if I put off the conclusion of this for another character?

...'cause you're gonna hate me. -hearts-


	7. Chapter 7: Serena

**Equanimity, Chapter 7: Week six**

Serena saw _them_ together, if only for a brief second when Ash and Misty walked toward the airport in Lumiose City. It was a complete accident, and she noticed right away that neither of the lovers noticed that she was there. Fortunately, she was by herself on an evening stroll through the city to clear her head for her next big show case.

Maybe she should have taken a break after all the heartache that had formed around her imminent lack of winning Kalos Queen; but working gave her something else to think of. Unfortunately, that did not ring true in this case. _They_ were here. So close. Serena didn't mean to spy, it wasn't intentional at all; it was something that simply _sort of happened_. Before she knew it, she was following them, ducking behind walls and trashcans.

Man, maybe Misty had rubbed off on her after all?

As she dipped her shoulder into the wall to glance around the bend of the wall and at the couple; she had to swear at their personalities. As usual, they were bickering over something; mostly Misty scolding Ash and him refuting her advances by poking out his tongue. They never broke physical contact though—something that was strange for Serena to observe at all; Ash's fingers were entrapped in Misty's as if they had melded into one being. It made her blood run cold. No matter how much she tried, she could never get Ash to look at her like that—to develop that same spark he had in his eyes when he was around Misty. Where Serena had to ask for attention, Misty just had to show up for Ash to start pining for her attention.

It might have been a little dramatic to accuse, but Serena thought Ash _was_ a different person entirely when Misty was around. He was still himself, caring, battle-crazy, brave and a little dense—but he was also easily flustered, a bit egotistic and eager to get the red-head's attention by any means necessary. He was almost childish, but in that overly-cute way: mesmerized was probably a better word. Misty wasn't any better, however, she acted tough, even a little callous; but deep down, Serena could see the intense fixation on Ash was endearing. As much as it pained Serena to admit it; they were _in love_. For mew knew how long, and she got in the middle of that and paid the price. Ash's dopey, snark and goofy attitude was his mysterious way of flirting with the red-head; and damn it, it worked. He didn't act that way with other people; it simply did not work.

Awkwardly, she watched as he squeezed Misty's cheeks together playfully, grinning ear to ear after a comment that she made. Both of their faces flushed bright pink—they didn't seem to mind the cameras rolling, and the impending moment that Ash's fans would maul him. Rather, she stuck her tongue out at him, and then after a shared laugh; they kissed earnestly. By that point, Serena could no longer observe, instead, she whipped around the back of the building, pressing her shoulders against the brick wall and thrusting her fingers into her pixie-hair cut. What was she even doing here? Ripping her heart out _again_?

Watching them wasn't going to make things _better_. Only she could do that. And she absolutely had to... she just was not sure how to.

When she left the party six weeks ago; she had a minor break down; one that included an entirely new make-over. New clothes, new hair, new her. Serena's hair was now cut into a girly pixie-cut that she complimented with a headband rather than a hat. Aside from that, she stopped, though very painfully, wearing the ribbon that Ash bought for her; instead switching to a more stylized open collar beneath a pink, unzipped vest. Finished with a pleated black skirt, black tights and red and brown boots—she looked fashionable, a bit older, and over all—different.

Perhaps a change of style was her way of negotiating with herself that she was ready to move on. She had done it before during her first loss in a show case—what was different now? Getting over Ash would have to be just as easy.

-"I LOVE YOU! Don't forget to change your underwear and brush your teeth!" She heard Misty's shrill and frivolous scream from the airport doors; loud enough to jar Serena's careful thought. Serena swung her neck back around to look at the embarking couple to watch both Ash and pikachu nearly fall over, beet red. Spectators giggled at him and news reporters started their daily tradition of spewing out incorrect information.

"Misty!" Blushing, he shouted at her, though it fell into silence. She was already gone. Inhaling, Serena couldn't help by smile. Even though she was a _little_ jealous. Misty did make him happy, and so who was she to complain? If she could have gotten Ash to react like _that_ so naturally, perhaps there would have been more of a chance for them? Serena giggled to herself, pressing her fingers against her lips before she turned sheepishly, a bit ashamed of her stalk.

No, she and Ash were simply...well, she still believed she was perfect for him—she had everything anyone could want; but he didn't think so. He loved Misty, he had told her so.

Sighing, she kicked her feet against the ground and dropped her shoulders. Some stress relieving walk _this_ turned out to be; she ended up following the creators of her tension, and it did little to relieve the cloud hanging over her head. There had to be _some way_ to get past this. There had to be. Mew knew that articles weren't on her side for show cases as of late; most people depicted her as either the crazy ex-girlfriend, or the distraught-childhood friend. When she joined showcases, most of her votes were sympathetic, no real idolization of her true potential. It was a nightmare.

Though it couldn't have been much easier for Misty; she had to read them. Whether she saw eye to eye with the woman right now or not, she knew that it must have been extremely difficult to read lies about Ash and Serena. About Ash's 'player' reputation since he switched girlfriends so quickly. Serena had become famous by proxy, many people she associated with tried to sympathize with her, rather than talk with her.

She inhaled, trudging back to the central pokemon center. Outside, she could see Clemont attempting yet _another_ failed experiment that would create a fire—and it did, fail at making a fire—it's purpose. Though Bonnie and Max were so easily able to distinguish the failure and laugh it off, much to his chagrin.

"Oh, Serena, you're back!" Clemont noticed immediately, adjusting his glasses. Serena grinned mock-happily at him as she approached the group, shivering as the sun fell into the background.

"How was your walk?" Bonnie asked kicking her feet from the bench she was sitting at. Max stood behind the bench—the only person she couldn't put her finger on. It was like he was always trying to be ten different people at once; a battler, a breeder, a doctor, a coordinator; he was this unjust mix of everything; and it confused her. Serena shrugged it off.

"It was okay." Serena admit, neglecting to mention her stumbling into Ash. She did not mention any other parts of it either, instead, she plopped down at the bench beside Bonnie.

"You know, I heard Ash is in town." Max muttered under his breath, tapping through his pokedex thoughtlessly. He hadn't realized that what he said stung Serena like an arrow to the chest until Bonnie whipped her fist backwards and bonked him on the leg. He grimaced, grabbing his thigh and looking at the small blonde who glared back at him.

"Shh." She hissed, and then pat Serena on the back. The older woman shuddered in return, swallowing hard against her own fears.

"If he's in town, maybe we should visit him?" Serena offered, knowing that she did not want to be the burden, or the reason her group of friends stopped visiting with Ash. They were all supposed to be friends. Bonnie's face contorted and a sparkle formed in her eye.

"Really?" She gasped happily, brushing her hand through her shortened hair. "I can't wait to show him my new pokeon license! I wonder if he will battle me!" Bonnie cheered fiercely, pounding her feet on the ground. Her traveling companions laughed nervously, though Max pumped up his fist.

"Not if I challenge him first! I'm the one that found out he was in town!" the blue-haired boy taunted Bonnie who could only glare in response. Oh, if only Max knew what Serena did.

"To be fair, there are screaming girls everywhere; it was pretty obvious he was in town." Clemont argued, grinning as he crossed his arms over his chest. Serena smiled weakly at that comment, shoulders drooping.

That was right; Ash was made famous by the events that she led following his championship. Unfortunately for Serena, and no one really talked about it much; especially her traveling companions, but the opposite seemed to happen for her. Her gumption to start preforming again was caught mostly in backlash and sympathetic support from her competitions. Even her rivals seemed not to try as hard when Serena came around—not only that, Palermo was trying to push Serena into the limelight to talk about the experience; the publicity would be great for furthering her career if she would only take advantage of it.

...but what was she supposed to get up and say? People already assumed that Misty swooped in and stole Ash from Serena—which no matter how angry the blonde was—she knew that wasn't true. Ash simply didn't feel the same way that Serena did, and the situation escalated far beyond their initial control. People from all ends of the earth supported Serena for being so strong—but on that same leg, they tore Misty down; she had no idea how the red-head managed the negative press. Serena would have simply given up by this point.

Ash was an enigma himself. The rules that applied to Serena and Misty were entirely lost on him. No one in the media seemed to blame him for the break-up. In fact, they almost seemed to glorify him as some kind of sex-symbol on the cover of magazines even though it was been explicitly covered that Ash and Misty are dating; the media views them instead as an "item", not as a couple. There was even a bunch of speculation questioning when Ash will ditch Misty like he did Serena, and... Maybe Serena can't see what sounds so wonderful about that.

She twisted her fingers into the folds of her skirt, ignoring her companions banter about who gets to battle Ash first, and Clemont trying to stand in between his sister and Max.

Serena hoped after the first month, media and people alike would have stopped hammering the subject so frequently, but even now; Ash stole the spotlight. Any time he appeared at an event, his eagerness to talk with people at a much lower level than him kept him in the battling magazines as a damn-near-saint, and in the girl magazines as definitions of the 'perfect' male. Some more daring magazines, even tried to photo-shop his head onto a body with a six pack. Ash most definitely did _not_ have a six pack of anything except pokeballs, but they did it.

And they succeeded because Ash never addressed the issue. Most of the deflation of the events came from Ash's bosses, but he never denied or accepted any theories, so in the eyes of the news media; that was as good as pronouncing the truth. Ash was not always the quickest to pick up hints—she would know that most of all—so she worried if he even knew what was going on.

Surely Misty would say something to him, right? Or was the news not as well known in Kanto as it was here in Kalos? Serena sighed, placing her palms flat against her knees. Maybe she cared so much because it was a constant, searing reminder of her own failure to launch; and she hated that.

"Hey, Serena, we're going to go see Ash! Max called him, he's near the eastern pokemon center!" Bonnie clasp her friend on the shoulder, jarring the woman from her thoughts. Serena smiled weakly, and then pounced to her feet, pushing down any resurfacing feelings she could possibly have.

"Alright, then let's go!" She suggested, having taken on the role of the leader of their group since Ash vacated the spot.

 **Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox**

She was bold on the outside, the year she spent in front of cameras allowed her to be marginally well at hiding her emotions; but inwardly, she was a train wreck of nerves. Serena hadn't _spoken_ with Ash since his celebration party, so his body pressed into the park seat across from her was invigorating, slightly intoxicating, and very much frustrating.

He didn't even address the issue with her—acting like everything was totally normal. They were not normal anymore! She swore only in her mind, keeping her eyes trained on anything but Ash, smiling and laughing when she was supposed to.

Quite honestly, she couldn't wait to bail.

"So Serena, how are performances going?" Ah, a direct question. Damn it. Serena smiled at Ash, but closed her eyes cheerfully so that she wouldn't have to look at him,

"They're going well. I've all ready earned back one princess key!" She cheered, but a noise that escaped Ash's lips forced her shoulders into recession.

"Are you okay with that, though? Don't you want to see if there are more show cases in other regions?" Ash asked doltishly, as if not understanding the concept of repeating a league so soon after failing. "I mean, do you think you've grown enough as a trainer to-" He stopped for a moment, realizing for the first time his place.

He wasn't supposed to give her advice anymore, was he? Hadn't he forfeited that ability. He slapped his hand onto the back of his head and laughed anxiously.

"I just mean that! Well." Ash stopped, looking between Clemont, Bonnie, and Max who each face palmed, as if they could all relate to his comment. "that... er... Well... Just ignore me." Ash muttered halfheartedly, but upon catching the glances of her companions she stiffened.

"No, it's okay. I know it isn't something most people do, I'm sure." Serena waved off the comment, sucking on her cheek. Bonnie swooped in to save the moment.

"Besides, she caught a froakie the other day! So she has been bringing new material to each performance, huh Serena?" Bonnie's sweet voice and glaring confidence in Serena pulled her to grin honestly for the first time since Ash appeared.

"Well that's good!" Ash clapped eagerly, and then paused, as if finally seeing Serena for the first time. "You cut your hair again." He pointed at her. She brushed her hand along the shortened strands and headband and found herself angry when a blush crawled over her cheeks.

"Yeah I did." She tried not to growl.

"It looks nice!" he chirped innocently, and Serena found that she could only sigh in repertoire; who he was, what he did. That innocent, boyish charm of his; it was always honest and supportive. A part of what made Serena fall so in l... No.

"You know, I actually have to go. I forgot that I was supposed to meet Miette at the show room!" Serena threw herself out of her chair, startling her companions.

"But wait! We haven't battled Ash yet!" Bonnie whined, balling her fists. Serena looked down at the worried eyes of her companions, and then shifted her gaze around the small part.

"It's fine. You guys can just meet me at the central pokemon center, okay? I'll see you guys there." And with that, she did not leave politely, she bolted away from the table as if it caught fire. Ash sat deflated, a blanket of silence folding over the table as he gnawed on his lips.

"I'm sorry guys." Ash said earnestly, looking at his gloves as he picked on his hands. He wasn't as ignorant as before, he was well aware of Serena's avoidance of him; it wasn't unjustified, though.

Clemont stood up shortly after with an exaggerated sigh. "It's alright." He mused, clapping Ash on the back in support. "I'll go check on her so you can have that battle with Bonnie and Max."

"Pikachu!" The yellow mouse agreed, jumping onto the table to show his support of his trainer. Aside from with Serena, Ash's relationship with his other companions were left unchanged, especially in regards to Max.

"Thank you Clemont!" "You're such a good big brother!" Bonnie and Max said in unison, sparkles taking place in their eyes. Ash laughed nervously at this, rubbing the back of his head while Clemont slouched away after Serena's departing figure.

"Thank me later." He mused pathetically; he was never the best with words, so being the silent, awkward back support was the only leg he could stand on; hopefully, that would be enough.

Ash watched him leave with only a bit of worry. He couldn't beat himself up over Serena forever, they made their feelings clear—how sorry he was. Someday, they would be friends again, but at her pace. He had to have patience with that. Across from him, Max and Bonnie indulged in a short game of rock-paper-scissors to determine who would battle him; a small grin snaked over his mouth as he watched their odd interaction. Aside from the age differences, they acted just like Ash and Misty did at the start of his journey. Bonnie was overly critical, yet caring; and Max was over-confident and inexperienced. He grinned toothily.

"I'll battle you both at the same time." Ash mused, quirking a playful eyebrow. Possibly even a match-making one that would make Dawn proud.

"You're on!" They answered quickly.

 **Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxo**

Serena walked as quickly as she could, her boots pounding against the paved road. Her arms limped gracelessly at her side and she shook her head furiously. She was over Ash! She had to get over him! She couldn't even be around him without the feelings resurfacing, but she didn't want them to. They would _never_ be reciprocated by Ash; she had to move forward with her life.

 _Are you sure you've improved enough..._ Ash's words stung worse now that his beaming smile was not lamenting the phrase than they did initially. No, she hadn't improved much at all, but what else was she supposed to do!? She had Clemont and Bonnie, and now Max with her on their journey, she couldn't exactly take time off to train; well she could, but it would be constantly met with stares of worry.

She wasn't broken, damn it. She was a little mixed up, but she wasn't falling apart. She was managing; why couldn't they see that? Tears tugged at the edge of her eyes and she came to a stop holding her fists up to her eyes to bleed them dry before the tears fell. She promised she would not cry anymore. She could not cry. If Ash was still moving forward, she could too. No, she _had_ to.

"Serena?" Clemont asked from behind her, holding onto the straps of his back pack as he approached her figure on the darkened path. Sniffling, she dusted off her tears as quickly as they surfaced and turned to him with a smile.

"What's up, Clemont?" She asked happily, but his lowered eyebrows and frown told her that he knew.

"Are you okay?" He asked. Immediately, Serena looked away from him and raised her back slightly. Determinedly.

"I'm perfectly fine." She admit. "Why do you ask?" Her voice cracked only slightly, but aside from that, the delivery was perfect. There was no reason shy Clemont would know any different.

"You know it's okay to rely on other people still, right? I hope this situation with Ash hasn't ruined that. You still have Bonnie and I; and even Ash, once you two sort through everything." He expressed nonchalantly; his expression reading a great deal of happiness. Serena blinked, eyes glued to him—not happiness; he was hopeful. She offered him a sweet smile and pressed her hands behind her back. Maybe her deserved a little more credit.

"I know, Clemont. Thank you." She addressed the issue, and after his glasses gleamed, they pressed forward in moderate silence.

Serena had no problem with her friends; not really. When they were being supportive, she didn't want them to feel like they had to walk on egg-shells. With Bonnie starting her journey a little under a month ago, she especially didn't want Bonnie to feel the pressures that Serena did. Serena wanted to be the same support, mentor and guide that Ash was for her to Bonnie—only, Bonnie didn't seem to need the help.

"Clemont, what do you want to do with you life?" Serena asked suddenly, breaking the silence.

Clemont inhaled sharp, taking in a large amount of air and then exhaling it nervously—taken by surprise.

"Ah, well." He scratched his cheek. "I want to be an inventor, I suppose. To have my work be renown around all six regions!" He added happily. Serena smiled forward, watching the moon cascade light down from behind a thick layer of clouds.

"Why? What do you want to do with your life?" _become Kalos Queen_ she thought eagerly, but then stopped herself short of replying. She didn't just want to become Kalos Queen, she wanted more than that. More than she could ever obtain completing the same activities over and over. She inhaled and chewed on her lip.

"I want to learn to stand on my own two feet." She admit, looking back at him with fire in her eyes.

 **Author's Note:**

 **Look!** Serena's back. :D

 _edit 02.28.2016_ Hey guys, been having a little bit of problems on my end as far as updating goes; FFnet seems to be removing chapters in fear that I'm "spamming" updates because I have been putting something on FFnet almost everyday for the last month. I think I triggered the bot so my chapter updates have been eating dirt/being taken down/not sticking. SO! Hopefully that gets all sorted out soon. :(

Thank you for reading -hearts-

Also, in regards to author notes; do you prefer that I add in explanations/justifications at the end of chapters or leave it up in the air? I never know how readers feel about these kinds of things.


	8. Chapter 8: Team Rocket

**Equanimity, Chapter 8: Week Six**

"Sometimes I wonder if this is all worth the trouble." The crumpled, maroon haired woman whined from her position hanging over a tree branch. Her hands and legs swayed back and forth between the tree, her hair falling into her face in a mess. Beside her, a lavender haired male shared the same composure.

"Make that double." he grunted, looking at his companion with dreary eyes. He didn't even try to convey his miserable nature in words; the expression was mutual.

"Quit your complainin' once we capta' that Pikachu, it'll be all worth it in da' end!" The meowth pokemon hyped from his position highest in the tree, pumping its paw forward for emphasis. Both members of team rocket below sighed deeply. Enthusiasm was hard to keep up after _eight years_ of failed attempts, time after time.

"Have you ever thought that the reason we can't catch pikachu is because we don't want to? Since that raid on Team Rocket's boat in Pallet Town, we haven't even really been trying that hard." James whined; knowing well that they had the yellow rodent in their grasp, only to let it slip away in the end to help the twerps; as they did every time. Honestly, James was starting to wonder if he really had an evil bone in his body.

"That was just a minor set back." Jessie quipped, blowing a strand of untidy hair from her face and tucking it back behind her ear with her gloved fingers. James did not mimic the sentiment.

"Even the twerps seem to be moving forward with their lives and we just repeat the same failures..." He moaned, brushing hid fingers over his shoulder length hair that hung above his head in his current position. Meowth pounced on his back in response, pawing at his spine.

"What's this James? Didn't we agree that we fail the best!" Meowth growled, sharpening his claws while James looked on worriedly.

"It's just that-"

"What was that?" Meowth warned placing the claw against James' back and causing the man to shudder.

"Maybe he has a point, meowth." Jessie said, pulling herself up so that she could sit on the branch of the tree and stare into Lumiose city. "As of late even our plans have been dark and dreary just like the mood of this team." Jessie whines, getting an immediate retaliation from meowth who, upon jumping from James' back caused the branch to snap under their combined weight and fall to the grassy floor below.

Gasping for air, they all laid there silently for a moment, peering up at the blue skies and dancing clouds. Perhaps, they were depressed? Maybe a little undervalued. Having spent almost nine years of their life chasing after one pokemon, only to stumble and realize they repeat the same mistakes over and over again was a bit daunting on the optimism.

Meowth, flustered, looked on at his teammates who lazily sulked on the ground and growled. Over the years Team Rocket played many rolls: but none as important as their role in trying to catch pikachu.

The were the goofy novices; having just graduated from the Team Rocket academy at the ages of sixteen and reprimanded from their boss were pushed off the roster of being an official team of the the villains; even back then, they ended up cheering for pikachu in many occasions, and helping the twerps in others. Even when they tried to be bad, they were still _good._

Then they were wacky adepts who followed Ash and his company through the regions of Hoenn and Sinnoh, who fought tooth and nail to achieve greatness in their field of work. They tried to impress their boss by bringing team magma and aqua to an end, but even that only served as a temporary compliment.

Then the only time they were ever _really_ bad was during their time they followed Ash through Unova, focusing on the greater picture of pokemon capture than simply running after pikachu...but it felt _so wrong_ when they tried to commit to an active life of trouble and devastation.

Quite honestly, in their older years, now twenty five, respectfully, they questioned what in the world they were doing with their lives. Up until this point, they had never wondered what more they could do, but of course, the people they were around never changed, either. Ash never seemed to grow up in their eyes, constantly one foot out the door, trying his hardest to obtain his dreams—Team Rocket followed him through all corners of the earth, only to finally see him succeed in the Kalos region after years of falling. But where were Jessie, James, and meowth? What did they have to show for all their years of hard work?

Jessie has a new scar on her left hip from when she fell down a rock slide, and Jame's knuckles were permanently busted from years of digging up holes—meowth was delusional if he thought there could be more to this life.

...only, they _all_ wanted to have more to their life.

"Maybe we're just not cut out for this." Jessie motioned, using her hand to emphasis her point.

She glared at the cloud which almost looked like a cancellation sign, and James and meowth sighed. This was not Team Rocket's first time falling into a rut, they somehow always managed to pull themselves out; either by admitting that they were the best at what they do, and taking pride in their short comings, or by finding glory else where. For Jessie, her most recent accomplishments consisted of joining show-cases, and James was his ever growing bottle cap collection. Meowth still yearned for that sweet attention from Giovanni. _This time_ their ever growing rut seemed to latch onto their esophagus and wouldn't let go.

"What else could we do?" James asked skeptically while meowth groaned once more.

"We should get back up and try again!" Meowth cheered, but neither human companion seemed willing to get up. Instead, they rolled over, facing away from meowth and sighing dramatically.

"So you two'a cowards are just going to lay here like a bunch of wimps!?" Meowth groans, only to realize with their slump, he felt the same way, too. Slowly, watching their bodies turn to the sky and breath a low, tired hum, he too, slumped to the dirt and placed his hands over his chest tiredly.

"Maybe we could finally open up that restaurant we always wanted?" Meowth whined, earning a brief chuckle from James.

 **XoXs**

When Team Rocket collected themselves, they were in better spirits; though not really. Jessie, even though she told James and meowth that she was better, couldn't pull her mind away from the constant reminder that she was twenty-five, and had nothing to show for it. With the twerps each gaining success every day, Jessie was left to wonder if she had already passed her prime. James reflected these thoughts as they bordered the park where familiar jolts of electricity bounced corner from corner through the park. Ash battled Bonnie and Max with pikachu; and was winning. He _always_ won now, it seemed. They had no chance.

They approached wearily as the battle seemed to come to a close with pikachu landed a devastating attack on Max's mudkip, following up with an effective tackle on Bonnie's pokemon that had both trainers catching their pokemon and Ash standing across the ways, smirking with his hands rubbed together.

"You two work really well together!" Ash complimented, much to Team Rocket's dismay as they ducked behind bushes.

"Wasn't he with the redhead?" Meowth noted quickly, scanning the area for her terrifying gyarados. When they saw that there wasn't one, eyes turned back on pikachu, who was still pumped up from the battle.

"We could attack 'em now, while their guard is down." Meowth suggested quickly, but the idea was met with silence of a defeated James, and a scowl from the frustrated Jessie.

"Guys?" Meowth whispered, turning to his long time team mates, who looked away from one another bitterly.

Behind him, he could see Ash parting ways with Max and Bonnie, have a laugh about strategy, and promising to visit them later. He was leaving; but Jessie and James didn't seem to care.

"what are yous'a two doin!"

"...Maybe we should just take some time off to think." Jessie suggested bitterly, thinking over her own loose ends; while James nodded his agreement.

Meowth didn't have time to respond properly, as he turned to see Ash packing up the last of his things, and motioning for pikachu to jump onto his shoulder—they had to act now before he had time to think.

"..Guys, you can't be serious. That was only one set back, we have plenty times to get 'em."

"But how many times have we already tried? We've failed hundreds of times!" James hissed quietly, with Jessie arguing behind him.

"And when we finally succeed, we end up releasing pikachu because we can't—we can't..." Jessie looked pathetically over to James, who reflected her words in his green eyes, and then they both looked at Mewoth, who was apalled at what he was hearing.

"I—a, I'a can't believe yous two..." he muttered, both of his companions heads turned downward.

"...Meowth, we're twenty-five; we have nothing to show for it."

"We do, too!" Mewoth argued.

"Like what?" Jessie hissed, a bit harsher than James' calm tone.

"Well...we..." Meowth started, but was stuck on any real success in the criminal field—simply because, they didn't have any. "We're getting' there. Da' boss wasn't made over night, eitha!" He suggested, but a grimacing Jessie and James shook their head.

"We'll see you at the hide out... We—I need to think." Jessie muttered, thinking over her time in the Kalos league show-cases during her time competing to be Kalos Queen, and then turned away from the group, not even bother to hide behind the trees anymore. James, sparing a short, sad glance at Meowth nodded his agreement, and then followed after Jessie in jog.

Stunned, Meowth could only watch them leave.

"Well who needs the two'a!" He screamed, throwing out his paw. "I'll get pikachu myself!" He screamed, darting out from the bushes and running blindly in the night wards the fading figure of Ash, who walked down a poorly lit dirt path.

Meowth wasn't sure what to think; he only knew that he had to act, and fast. He needed to prove something, anything that Team Rocket still had a purpose! So when he reached Ash, he did the only thing he knew how to do.

"Prepare for trouble!" He yelled, immediately catching Ash's surprised gaze.

 **XoXs**

"Meowth?" Ash muttered, surprised to see the cat pokemon standing in front of him, tears streaming from his cheeks and through his tan fur as he rattled off the motto Ash had heard almost every day for the last eight years of his life. Only...without two key figures.

Ash laughed.

"What are you doing?"

"Stop interrupting!" Meowth shouted back, trying to make the best of his movements, deepening his voice for James, and raising his voice for Jessie's lines.

Ash tried to stifle his laughter when he realized Meowth was serious, and eventually, the giggled turned into genuine concern, followed with absolute confusion as Meowth wrapped up the motto. Breathing heavily, and slightly impressed with himself Meowth threw his paws up and pointed at Ash.

"Now, I'm gonna steal ya's pikachu, so just hand 'em over."

Ash looked glum, and found himself squatting, a few feet away from Meowth, to see on his level.

"Did something happen? Between you and Team Rocket?" he asked curiously, no hint of worry, or malicious intent, or fear that Meowth would be even slightly successful on his own. Insulted, Meowth scoffed.

"No! We're just...we're just..." Meowth started, eyes closing as he lowered his paw. "Whada kid like you understand, anyways?" Mewoth groaned, realizing it was pointless to battle Ash without Jessie and James to support him; he was likely to be K. in seconds, and blasting off didn't seem like a situation he wanted to face without his companions.

He looked sad, blue, even; Ash's eyebrows knit beneath his messy hat hair and he grimaced, sharing a look with pikachu, who could only shrug its small shoulders in response.

"I'm not a kid." Ash decided, arguing his point while Meowth glared at him.

"Nott'a kid, huh? What a bunch of crap." Meowth taunted, crossing his arms. If he couldn't win in a battle, he could at least win in a battle of wits.

"I'm not!" Ash argued, veins popping on his head. "I even work, unlike you!" He argued, recalling all the meetings, public appearances, and conferences he had attended in the last month. His head was beginning to hurt.

"We work!" Meowth bit back, but Ash grimaced.

"Stealing is not work!"

"We don't even steal anything" Meowth argued back and Ash rolled his eyes.

"So you're _really_ not working then?" He suggested, the tone of his voice harsh enough that he inwardly grimaced—perhaps Misty had been rubbing off on him in other ways, after all.

Meowth took a step back, appalled by such an accusation. "Well we woulda' been more successful if it weren't for ya' twerp! Just give us yous pikachu!" Meowth tried again, and at this point, Ash felt a pull in his heart.

Pikachu dropped from his shoulder, feeling his trainer's thoughts while Ash placed his chin in the palm of his hand. "...Don't you think you should move on at some point? It's pretty obvious you'll never take pikachu." Ash said matter-of-fact, reopening Meowth's wound.

Meowth hissed"What would you know!?"

"I know that if you were ever even _temporarily_ successful, I wouldn't stop at the end of the earth to get pikachu back." He said with a warm smile that pikachu reflected through his own eyes as they looked at one another.

At his words Meowth had grown furious. "Well, what do you know! You live thousands of miles away from home, anyways! You don't even know what you should be doing Mr. Champion!" Meowth yelled, his accent faltering only slightly as he turned to flee; Ash's face fell at the jab to his title, and he rubbed his stomach while pikachu's cheeks sparked in protective nature.

"No, it's okay pikachu." Ash calmed the mouse down, watching meowth take off back into the forest, where he disappeared into the darkness without another word.

"...I wonder what that was all about, anyways, huh?" Ash muttered, moving on from his thoughts about Team Rocket quickly, turning back into the direction of the city. "Maybe they're trying to trick me?" Ash thought aloud, looking down at pikachu who let out a sigh and shook his head.

Honestly, the pokemon didn't understand, either... but he did; and he knew that Ash did as well as he looked up to his trainer who seemed disturbed by the notion that he wasn't following his correct path.

"...Ah, what do they know, anyways? They're just a bunch of crooks..." Ash muttered into the darkness, straightening his collar to hide the more provocative marks left over from his time with Misty.

 **XOXs**

"Do you think we were too harsh?" James asked Jessie who laid back on top of their dismantled machine while they looked upward at the dark sky. The stars were hidden behind rain clouds, but they didn't seem to mind.

"No. We never try twice in one day, anyways. We should have time to think." Jessie confirmed, tapping her foot endlessly on the metallic surface below them. James sighed in return.

"I just feel so...disappointed, Jessie." James whined, tucking his hand below his head as he turned over to look at the woman laying beside him.

Jessie didn't reply right away. She did too, but she wasn't ready to voice her concerns; simply admitting that she was _giving up_ for the day still bothered her...but really, what were they supposed to do.

"Do you think we should try stealing other pokemon?" Jessie suggested nonchalant. "Maybe a rare pokemon?" She added quickly, and a small light left James' eye.

"...I'm not sure." he said honestly, having never been faced with the idea of trying to break outside of the twerps box. They spent more time trying to capture pikachu, and more time around Ash than either cared to admit—without Ash as their guide James wasn't sure what they would do; or even where to start, it had been so long.

"Maybe we should just..." she sighed as James spoke, staring at James for a second before sitting up. "Steal something else?" James asked, emphasizing the word steal.

"...Maybe we don't even need to steal?" He added and Jessie seemed appalled at such a suggestion.

"Maybe we should..." James swallowed, looking at his team mate with a look of complete terror, right as Meowth appeared through the bush in the opening.

"...Move on?"

 **Author's Note:**

 **edit** _5.20.2016_ Sorry for spamming your emails! Just edited a few things for the story. This is now ch8 since I updated chapter1, Sorry :I

This chapter took a bit of an odd turn for me. Lol. I wasn't expecting it to go this way right off the hop—compared to Locked Away, this chapter feels so short and a bit rushed? I'm not the best at writing for Jessie and James, so I will get the hang of this, I promise! I'm trying to mesh their OS and XY counterparts; since those seem to have the most differences, but not?

I also like Meowth.

P.S.

Happy birthday to Julie Togepi! Sorry this chapter is such rubbish! The next will be up soon!

NINT


	9. Chapter 9: May

**Equanimity Chapter 9: Week Six**

The day before Dawn called Misty, she had already been acting strange, May noticed it right away, but never found the chance to ask her. Since May started dating Drew, Dawn would avoid her in large intervals—as if she was traveling with them, but her mind was somewhere else. Dawn insistently forced May to train their pokemon together, and more than that, she was _literally_ planting herself between May and Drew at any chance she was given. Not _intentionally_ , May thought, but she was still there—constantly.

"Dawn, are you okay?" May had asked her on several occasions, but Dawn brushed her off each time with a "I'm great!"

Maybe it was May's own insecurities that kept her asking, but she knew the blue-haired girl was lying.

It had been three weeks since May entered a competition, and she still had no intention of doing so. Dawn had entered two and May and Drew had been there in support of their friend, and watched her win both competitions. A part of May, even though she would never admit it, was a little jealous at Dawn's natrual capabilities. The Sinnoh native already had the five ribbons she needed to compete in the Hoenn Grand Festival in two months—and May had exactly _none._ Nada. Zip.

Grimacing, she leaned back with her hands over her stomach, soaking in the last of the spring sun. It would be June soon, the start of summer, and in a few short months, they would be in fall—and off to Tracey's wedding. May gave herself until then to figure out what her issue with contests was, because the arc-tournament Grand Festival between the three largest contest regions: Hoenn, Sinnoh, and Johto was starting, and she _knew_ she wasn't ready to compete with the trainers there. Drew and Dawn would both be entering, top coordinators in their own rights, but May hadn't been close to victory in a contest since she was defeated at the Wallace Cup.

She lost left and right, messed up on little presentations, and her entire show was like getting hit repeatedly. She took the stage, and her mind froze.

A part of her, deep down in her stomach, embedded by copious amounts of determination and experience tried to argue with her fleeting mind—but May simply didn't _want_ to do them anymore. The pull to contests had long lost their allure, and she was repeating areas she had already been to before. May wasn't seeing anything new in the world, and the largest reason May started her pokemon journey was to see the world, becoming a coordinator was just a cherry at the top, that seemed to turn into the whole bowl of ice cream.

Still, who was she supposed to tell about this? Originally, she always had Max to talk to when times were tough—he was there to distract her, attend gym battles with, and a constant force to press forward to new regions; whether she would ever admit it or not, Max had learned more from Ash than anyone, and the young boy was following closely in his steps.

May, on the other hand, felt lost without her little brother. Sure, she worried over him, but the excuse to spend hours on the road became increasingly less once he left. Now, she was traveling city to city with Dawn and Drew—Dawn, who only missed being a Top-coordinator because she _faced_ people at the likes of Zoey and Urusula on a daily basis, while Drew was _already_ the top-coordinator of johto region, his time spent in Hoenn was for developing strategy, and the duo spent more time discussing appeal strategy and coordination than May did.

Frankly, it was becoming too much. Between Drew and Dawn, May had little time to explore, and her spare time was spent rehearsing, training; she _and_ her pokemon were both tired.

May sat up to stare into the distance at Drew who was coaching his rosellia on a technique for its petal dance, while May drew her lips into a line—no, what _really_ bothered her, was that Drew _didn't seem to notice_ or _care_ that May was losing interest in the coordinator scene.

How was he supposed to though? That's how they connected in the first place.

"Earth to May?" Drew waved his hand in front of her face, and she blinked once, and then again when she finally looked at him with wide eyes. She had been so lost in her own thoughts that she didn't realize that he approached.

"Oh, sorry." She mumbled, sitting up. Drew took a seat beside her, staring at the forest ahead of them. They were on the outskirts of town, sitting in silence for a moment before May's head tilted to one side, and she draped one knee over the other.

"How long have we been doing contests?" May asked suddenly, glancing over at the young man with green hair; his arms were crossed over his chest thoughtfully and he hummed.

"I've been doing this for eight years." He looked at May and raised an eyebrow. "I think you've only been here for six."

"Almost seven." May corrected, holding up her index finger. "And Dawn's only been attempting for six and she's already beaten me, _and_ gotten closer to her goal of being a top-coordinator." May said with a slight frown, looking around for the blue-haired girl. The sun was going down, and it wasn't like her to skip out on the two of them.

"You can't compare yourself to Dawn." Drew mumbled under his breath, as if this _wasn't_ the millionth time he heard this from May since her defeat three years ago.

"I know." May sighed and then sat forward, squinting her eyes. "I wonder what Max is up to, you know?" She grinned. "I worry about him out there in Kalos on his own!"

Drew froze for a minute, watching her with a worried expression before sighing. She always changed the subject when serious topics came up.

"He's not on his own, he has several companions with him." Drew assured her, scooting slightly closer to the brunette as she tapped her fingers against her cheek.

"You know what I mean, without his big sister." She corrected, "We've been together since the start of our journeys!" She exclaimed, suddenly full of vigor as she glanced at Drew. "I hope he's doing okay." her shoulders dropped, and nonchalantly Drew's arm found perch over her shoulders while she expressed her growing concerns about Max.

Physical contact was never weird for them, in fact, May was growing used to how often Drew touched her, especially in public. While the later took some adjusting, she _still_ did not like it when he would try to hold her hand, or arm, her waist, or really touch her at all in public. Private, intimate moments were nice, but she got flustered anywhere else. She grinned.

"He always suffered with foot in mouth syndrome, you know. I wonder if he's making an ass out of himself in Kalos..." May grinned while Drew rolled his eyes.

"I'm sure he's fine. He's not a kid anymore." Drew paused for affect and shook May gently. "He can take care of himself—now can you?" He mocked, his eyebrow lifting behind his hair.

May pursed her lips and glared at him. "Of course I can." She mused and then turned thoughtfully to face him.

Unexpectedly, his face had drawn only inches from hers, his mouth ajar as his other hand found its way to her thigh, and then moved up to her waist when he closed the space between them. Her face turned scarlet from the sudden act, shuddering as a child with their hand in the cookie jar would. It wasn't that she was _nervous_ it was only a new sensation, an odd one. She wasn't _used_ to it yet. He pulled apart before she had time to return his affections, and he winced at the near-rejection she had unintentionally bestowed upon him.

"Your mind is somewhere else, sorry." he offered while she shook her head and leaned back into him.

"It's fine." she mumbled, kissing him before he could reply.

 **XOXs**

May might have thought that Drew didn't see it, didn't understand it, but he could see it in the way she spoke, the way she trained, and the serious lack of preparation as they traveled. He observed that it was something akin to a mid-life crisis, only May was reaching it now, and was rapidly decreasing in momentum each day.

For example, her chipper, optimistic demeanor had slowly faded since they left Pallet Town some six weeks ago. She had grown more anxious and short-tempered, and a part of him wondered if it was contests, him, Dawn, or the change in group dynamics since Max left. The first few weeks had been... _a blur_ since they started dating; but already it seemed like she was off in her own world again.

He sighed lightly, approaching her with his hands in his pockets while she paced the floor of the shared pokemon center bedroom.

The sun had once since faded, and Dawn had yet to return.

"Do you think we should be worried?" May asked, looking out the window, and to the street. Drew pursed his lips and shook his head while collapsing onto his bed. He snatched the magazine from the night stand—some coordinator weekly, and sighed. May took a seat beside him and scrunched up her nose.

"Doubtfully. She's probably just out training or something..." Drew offered in short reply, but the insinuation only ruffled May's short temper.

"You know people _do_ other things than just train all the time, Drew!" She snapped, looking over at him with snarl. With wide, lime green eyes he looked at her and blinked several times until her frustration simmered down, and she threw herself beside him on the bed and folded her arms over her forehead.

A long pause followed, where Drew hadn't taken his eyes off of May.

"...Can we talk about this?" He asked suddenly, watching her uncover her blue eyes and look up at him. She blinked a few times, and then shuffled to sit up once more.

"Talk about what?" she sighed.

Drew thought for a few moments, trying to collect the _proper_ words to express his emotions without offending the brunette when he inhaled.

"About your sudden irritability?"

"I'm not irritable!" She hissed quietly, curling her knees to her chest. Drew gestured to her for example, also sitting up.

"May," He tried. "I've been trying to give you space to figure this out on your own, but if there's something I can do to help-"

"I don't want to do contests anymore." She expressed blatantly, with a long, revealed sigh having finally gotten it off her chest. Drew blinked and then pressed his shoulder against hers.

"That's it?" He asked, trying to pummel his mocking tone. "That's what's been bothering you?"

May snapped her eyes at him, glaring nonstop when he grinned and pressed his index finger against her jaw to move her face sideways where he planted a sincere kiss.

"Drew, it's a big deal! This has been my whole life until now!" She cried kicking her feet over the edge of the bed and shrugging off his kind advances. Drew followed her slowly.

"But it seems like no matter what I do, I take three steps back each time I take a step forward!" She exclaimed throwing up her hands and then falling backwards on the bed to cover her face. She couldn't place in words what was wrong with her, and Drew inhaled briefly.

"Why don't we enter one together?" He offered, watching her lower her hands to look up at him.

"Drew, you're a top coordinator, you're not-"

"I'm allowed to enter any contests I want in Hoenn." He cut her off, pulling her forward gently. "What better way to get you back onto your feet...?" He asked while shaking her gently.

Against her will, she found herself smiling. "That's not the point..." She muttered while looking up at him. Drew shrugged in response.

"I know it's not." He offered, "but, if you're going to drop out of contests, you should at least give it one more shot, right?"

May sucked in air, and then closed her eyes with a curt nod.

"Now, can we get to sleep?" He asked while shifting back onto his corner of the bed. May looked back at him, and then back to the door.

"But what about Dawn?" May inquired, eyebrows knit cutely while Drew tossed the magazine he had been reading off to the side of the bed, and clicked the light off.

"She can take care of herself, I'm sure." He mumbled, snagging May by her waist and dragging her down to the bed beside him. She scrunched up her nose at his antics and then curled under the sheets compliantly.

May couldn't argue, Dawn was perfectly capable of fairing on her own, but something in her stomach just didn't sit right tonight. She missed afternoon training, _and_ now she wasn't back at the pokemon center. Maybe she felt as if she was imposing too much and finally left? May hoped her bitter mood didn't force Dawn to believe she had to leave. Groaning under her breath, Drew shifted and nestled his head beside hers and blew on her ear.

"Penny for your thoughts?" He asked, and in that brief moment, a part of May hated how perceptive he was of her feelings. Pieces of her knew that Ash would have _never_ been so perceptive. But she felt guilty for even comparing the two.

In fact, she felt _guilty_ for even having a relationship that controlled so much of her life. It was _terrifying_ knowing that decisions she made would now affect not only herself, but also Drew. A little under two months ago, she almost ruined them completely when she _tried_ to figure out her feelings for Ash by kissing him—and now... A part of her worried that the same thing would happen with contests. Already in the last few weeks, it seemed that the honeymoon phase had ended; coming from a high of spending long nights of exploration to make up for lost time; to snuggling in bed like an old, married couple. Drew was insanely proper, and sweet, and romantic; a bit of a dork on many occasions, but she still liked him. In return, May was really fidgety and uncomfortable with touching. Contrary to popular belief—and she knew Dawn thought it—they hadn't gone past second base; primarily because May would get scared and Drew was... well Drew was _perfect_. And she was a mess.

May sighed.

"Drew?" She asked through the darkness.

"Hmm?" He mumbled, half-asleep.

"Would you still like me if I wasn't a coordinator?" She asked the near-sleeping man beside her.

"Of course." He breathed into her neck, though she wasn't so sure he was sincere as he pat her stomach gently. "Go to sleep May. You're thinking too much." He slurred his words while she turned over quietly, kicking the blankets over her feet, not feeling any better.

If she wasn't a coordinator, what was she supposed to be?

 **Author's Note** :

Alright, next chapter is going to be up in just a few minutes.

So, I've been mulling over these last two chapters for _days_ now, and finally, I've decided, what the hell, I'm just going to submit them and see how it goes. -throws up arms- next chapter we see Dawn! Yaaay!

Every time I wrote this chapter initially, I originally had it set up where Drew _really_ didn't notice that something was wrong with May, _but_ that is one of the greatest charms of contestshipping, Drew is _very_ perceptive of May's emotions, even if _she_ doesn't think that he is. So, in the end, it turned into bit of a fluffy chapter.

EVERYONE IS HAVING MIDLIFE CRISES OMFG.


	10. Chapter 10: Dawn

**Equanimity Chapter 10: Week six**

Dawn was smart, funny, uncharacteristically gifted in most forms of style, fashion, presentation, and loyalty. Her confidence was unwavering, her assurance unnatural-but never, _never_ had she thought she would be in _this_ situation.

Slowly, her crystal blue eyes darted to her right, where beside her, she could hear the quiet snore of her glaring mistake. Yep, _mistake_. She wasn't ashamed of it, this was her mistake. Completely. Slipping out of the covers, she pushed the fabrics of the comforter to her waist before climbing out into the cold air of the cheap motel room. The cold air hit her nude body like a whip as she shuddered, pawing around the floor for her underwear, and then her clothes.

May and Drew were probably worried—she didn't come back last night. They were supposed to meet at the park when _he_ appeared once again. Dawn hadn't even planned to talk with him—the stoic bastard that he was—but as most terrible decisions Dawn has ever made started, she couldn't just _leave him alone_.

So, now she was here. Somehow it ended up this way and she was still trying to wrap her head around it while she pulled on her clothes.

 _Stupid, stupid, stupid!_ Dawn barked in her mind while tugging on her boots. The sun hadn't even broken over the horizon yet, but the terrible room didn't have any form of clock to see the time and she wasn't completely sure where her bag was.

After getting dressed, she tripped along the barely illuminated walls, trying to find a chair, or something, feeling relentlessly for her yellow back pack. In the end, she found the article tossed beside the door—but she couldn't say that was a surprise at all.

"Dawn?" the strangled voice rose from the bed where she had quietly slipped away only seconds ago. She didn't make a sound, hoping that if she didn't move, didn't speak—he would fall _right_ back to sleep. This didn't happen though; she could make out the squint of his dark eyes as he moved to sit up.

Her voice ran cold in her body and she shuddered when he spoke next, groggy. "What are you doing...?" He mumbled, rubbing his eyes in a way that was simply _not_ his normal appearance.

Her voice left her, shaking and cold as she grabbed the door knob, panic racing into her chest. "I uh..." She started, swallowing hard. "...made a mistake." She hummed quickly, and threw open the door and _ran_.

Dawn wasn't even sure that she closed it on her exit, she was simply _gone_.

 **XOXS**

"So, where were you last night?" May chimed from the pokemon center public shower room where Dawn had just cleaned up.

Dawn lied, of course.

"I was visiting Zoey. I just lost track of time so I crashed over there." The woman said with a smile that May _did_ not believe. The brunette blinked once, and then twice and then hummed quietly.

"Well, okay then." May started while tying her banana through her hair. Dawn straightened her hat, clipped her hair, and the dusted off her black athletes dress, and new pink tights to go beneath it. Fidgeting, Dawn finally opened her mouth.

"So... When you and Drew do stuff; was it weird the first time?" Dawn asked quickly, a faint blush finding her face.

May's neck might have snapped she turned so quickly—eyes wide, cheeks red.

"Excuse me?" She gasped, taking a step back. "What gave you the idea we've done _anything_?!" She nearly fell over.

Dawn's expression fell, her lips curled inward and she nearly laughed at her. "Oh... Sorry." She managed, but the brunettes haughty expression did not falter.

"We don't... we have never!" May grumbled, hiding her face. "Where did you get that idea?!"

"Well, you're always spending so much time _together_ "

"That doesn't mean we're having sex!" She yelled as they exited the public changing room, where May immediately slapped her hands over her mouth. The stares that she accumulated were immense, ranging from disgust and amusement; but none quite as embarrassed as Drew who leaned into the window and covered his face. May's mouth hung open, and she all but glared at Dawn while the later chuckled incoherently.

May growled, tugging on the blue-haired woman's arm as they made their way out of the pokemon center. Drew followed them, but only after the crowd of stares had subsided enough that he was able to follow slowly, stuffing his hands back into his pockets. He said nothing, but he cleared his throat.

"May, are we still on for that _thing_?" Drew asked, though he cleared his throat awkwardly, staring at Dawn, specifically. "Not _that_ , though." He elaborated sullenly.

"Thing? What are you two doing?" Dawn asked with a hint of excitement in her voice that forced May to poke her tongue out and chuckle. The brunette scratched the back of her head.

"Nothing! Just some...preparation for my next competition." May assured Dawn, twisting her fingers while Drew smiled weirdly.

"Oh..." Dawn paused. "For that team contest?" she asked while May flushed.

"Yeah. How did you know?" May pursed her lips quizically.

"Aww, that's adorable." Dawn mused quickly, patting May on the shoulder. "I expect greatness from you!" Dawn hummed, but May didn't seem to express the same joy, instead, she shifted and shrugged her shoulders absently, _awkwardly_.

"Yeah...thanks." She muttered, shifting her attention to Drew who had turned his head to another approaching figure; a tall, slender man with purple hair—who didn't look like he slept much.

"To what do we owe the pleasure?" Drew muttered sarcastically, raising his eyebrows at the man.

"..hmph." Paul muttered, making direct eye contact with Dawn, before walking away from the trio completely. May pursed her lips hotly.

"Way to be a jerk!" May growled. "He was just kidding!" She added for spite, raising her fist aggressively, though it was lowered by Dawn who seemed frozen.

"Relax May, it's okay." Awkwardly, Dawn removed her hand from the girl, and then started down the road where May watched her quietly. Drew approached her from the left.

"She seems a little off, doesn't she?"

May felt her insides curl a little. "I wonder what happened." May asked, sharing a look with Drew who pat her on the back as they followed after their blue-haired compatriot.

 **XOXs**

Bad decisions were often coupled with terrible feelings, regret, guilt, and some forms of hostility. May and Drew hadn't even _realized_ that look—so different than his normal, scowling mock. He looked gravely disappointed—angry, even; and that was all directed at her.

What did he expect? Did he expect her to sit on her hands and smile? They shouldn't have even been there to begin with. She was having a moment of weakness, a month of weakness, and he had _no business_ taking advantage of that... Dawn twisted her skirt, scowling at Drew and May who were talking battle strategy and _outfits_. It wasn't very often that Drew competed it normal contests anymore. As a Top coordinator of Johto, he tried to limit himself to advanced contests only—but for the sake of his girlfriend, May, who was stuck in a rut, they were joining the tag-team contest together.

 _Dawn_ wanted to join the tag-team contest with May, but it was clear that her help was not needed, or wanted. She was _intruding_ on their relationship; on their journey. Paul warned her once about traveling with rivals, one of them always feels sub par to the other, but Dawn didn't think such a thing applied to her and May—in fact, May's issues lied somewhere else entirely.

"Why can't we do what _I_ want to do?" May whined, slamming her fist onto the table while Drew knit his eyebrows worriedly.

"Because... no offense, May, you haven't been making it through preliminary rounds... This is for practice, remember?" Drew tried to reason with the bashful brunette, but she pointed at their plans, and then at beautifly who flapped its wings above her.

"But we're not using the full extent of her abilities."

"You don't always _have_ to." Drew argued in an attempt to remind May of what contests were about. While he was trying to be as rational as possible, May didn't seem to want to hear it. Instead, she threw up her arms and stormed off respectfully.

"C'mon, beauitfly, let's go see someone who _will_ appreciate you." May mumbled into the distance while Dawn curled her fingers against her skirt once more, and blinked.

"May..." Drew sighed, rubbing his face. "Wait." Then chased after her, snatching their battle strategy with the other; forgetting all about Dawn, who rapped her knuckles on the ground.

They were arguing more and more, and Dawn felt like she might have been interfering with them. Maybe her pessimism was wearing on the optimist May. Usually, their optimism was shared, their determination unwavering—but since the party things have been... going down hill. A lot had changed for May, her brother was a complete country away, and she and Drew were an item now.

As for Dawn, maybe it was that _nothing_ changed for her. Well, until about sixteen hours ago. She felt a pit in her stomach, gnawing on her

She wanted to talk with May, the girl always knew the _right_ things to say to Dawn. May, while she was not always the brightest, was the sweetest girl Dawn knew. She always had an answer, always had a way to help; but she couldn't admit to May what she had done—no, Dawn decided much earlier that she needed an _expert_ , which was why she called Misty when she was fleeing the scene of her transgression.

 **XOX** s

Dawn excused herself from her routines with May so that the couple could practice on their own. She could see the frustration build up in May's eyes as a trick she had mastered years ago was a struggle, and wanted to reach out her hand for help.

This time though, Dawn had to also think about herself.

When the familiar bob of red hair spilled out of the plane at the airport, Dawn was sure to be the first person that Misty saw outside of passengers and stewardess.

"Hey, Misty!" Dawn called to the redhead, waving her hand frantically. Misty looked up from her phone to see Dawn, and offered a weak smile.

"How are you feeling?" Misty asked in a tone that was overwhelmingly motherly, and Dawn inhaled sharp, and then exhaled using the full extent of her lungs to express her gratitude in lunged hug.

Eyes shifting, Misty pat Dawn several times before the younger woman pointed to the terminal exits, and lead the Cerulean Gym leader out of the airport. Their discussion as they walked consisted mostly of catching up, talking about Misty's flight, and an over all bearing of awkwardness that Dawn finally announced.

"I'm sorry for calling you—it must have been pretty weird because we aren't very close."

Misty's eyebrows narrowed slightly. "That's right, actually. Isn't May traveling with you?"  
Dawn's mouth opened, and then closed when she looked at Misty.

"..yes, but I couldn't talk with her..." Dawn rubbed the back of her neck while she spoke, and Misty pat her on the shoulder while pointing out a cafe at the side of the road. Dawn walked appreciatively along side the broad-shouldered redhead, who was easily a few inches taller than Dawn.

The coordinator never realized before, but Misty had an athletic beauty that other girls seemed to lack; among other things, her neck had small, round bruises that were lightly covered by the turtle neck vest that she wore, and Dawn snickered. It seemed like only yesterday she was telling May to 'take it easy'.

"Next time tell Ash to go easy." Dawn snickered, flicking her finger against Misty's neck in a gentle manner that had Misty covering her neck and gaping at Dawn with wide eyes. The crawl of a blush that featured her cheeks made Dawn relax—remembering that even Misty could be flustered.

They entered the cafe and took a seat at the far end in the corner, beside a window where Misty sat in a small booth with Dawn. A woman in sharp black heels clicked her way over to take their order, and then shuffled silently away.

"Okay, so are you going to tell me what happened or give me a hard time about Ash?" Misty asked stoically, thumbing the napkins on the table.

"...Firstly, thanks for coming out so quickly." Dawn smiled earnestly, and then looked back down; struggling to find the correct words. She turned her attention to a magazine that had Misty and Ash plastered over the front page; most likely another false story, but it was the only reference Dawn had. Minutes passed and coffees were placed before Dawn had the courage to speak again.

"...You and Ash have done it, right?"

Taking a note directly out of the "Ash Ketchum handbook for uncomfortable situations" Misty took a very long sip of her coffee, holding the drink to her lips even after she had stopped sipping only to see if Dawn would grow bored for an answer, and look away. Dawn's look never wavered, but her lips had formed a nice frown.

Misty set her coffee mug down and winced; "No, of course not. We haven't even been dating for that long.."

"But you two have known each other for _years_."

"That doesn't mean anything!" Misty hissed in a low voice, "Why don't you ask May?  
Dawn replied with only a look, and Misty paused for a moment, thinking of May—the sweet viable girl that she was, was also a bit of an oblivious air-head—like a certain raven-haired boy that she knew _all_ too well. It was doubtful either had ever, and Dawn nodded her approval of the thought.

"Why do you want to know?" Misty asked instead, leaning forward.

Dawn's face scrunched up; "Well, you know... Paul and I, we..."

"So it _was that_ after all." Misty hummed, sitting back in her booth. "Well, since I'm here; tell me what happened."

Looking up at her with bright, blue eyes, Dawn was at a loss of words—not even _she_ was exactly sure what happened. She ran into Paul, he berated her for a bit about having unnecessary, distracted feelings...she may have accused him of hiding from his emotions and then kissed him...and then one thing led to another.

"I...left before he woke up."

"What?"

"Well," Dawn kept her voice low. "We slept together, you know that... but it wasn't planned or anything—we aren't even dating and I feel so...so..."

"Empty?" Misty asked and Dawn found herself nodding and nearly slamming her head down on the table.

"So do you feel bad that you slept with him, or that you weren't in a relationship with him?" Misty inquired.

"A little bit of both?" Dawn admitted, glancing up at Misty and then sighing. She felt so stupid, and confused. "I shouldn't have even brought you down here. I'm sorry for interrupting your trip with Ash."

"It's alright Dawn." Misty hummed with a small, light smile. "He would have understood if you told him the circumstances."

"Tell Ash?" Dawn hissed. "Are you nuts? He would lose his mind knowing that I slept with Paul!"

"Why would that bother him?" Misty questioned, eyebrows raised. Dawn sat back.

"Because," She started "It's _Paul_."

For a moment, she expected Misty to understand her inquiry, but then remembered that Misty didn't really know the purple haired man—maybe Dawn should have called Brock instead. She sighed.

"I mainly called you because you handled everything with Serena so well, and then...well... Gary gave me your number and said... Oh I don't even know."

At her reaction, Misty snickers turned into a chuckle, until she was out right laughing at the girl. Dawn sat back, jaw locked and eyebrow cocked unpleasantly. Misty was _laughing at her._ What nerve!

"What's so funny?" Dawn quipped, puffing up her cheeks.

Misty wiped a tear from her eye, and shook her head very slowly. "Man... I just remembered the first time this happened to Daisy, is all."

Curious, Dawn's eyebrows rose once more. "How did she handle it?"  
"Oh... six tubs of ice cream, three weeks of binge watching soap operas, and I think a little bit of alcohol." her musings were so comical that Dawn relaxed until the mention of alcohol, and then curled her fingers in her lap while Misty stirred her coffee with a straw.

Misty smacked her lips. "The first time it _almost_ happened to me, I decided an alcohol binge would be best."

Dawn's mouth fell open. "But you said that you and Ash never..."

"We never have... and I never have, but, Ash was _gone_ for four years, Dawn, remember? A lot happened during that time." Misty looked at Dawn and blinked sincerely. "It's a horrible feeling, and it's usually caused by something else—what's been on your mind, Dawn?"  
Her mouth moved instantly. "I feel like I'm stuck in a never changing revolving door; that my career is wonderful, but my relationships are lack luster while everyone else is finding someone." She inhaled, feeling more insane and ridiculous now that she was saying it aloud. "I just thought that if I did something like that I would feel better, you know? Maybe I would _want_ to be around him more—but when I woke up the next..."

Dawn sighed, feeling tears prickle her eyes once more while she grasped her forehead with a loud, sigh.

"I mean, you got Ash, and May has Drew—everyone has someone _but_ me." She groaned, rubbing her temples.

Misty paused for a long time, trying to scrap together her thoughts. A bit confused, and a little worried; Dawn had been the person that _helped_ Ash realize his feelings for Misty—Dawn went so far as to admit that she loved him like a brother and nothing more, but Misty shuddered to think that Dawn's intentions were good in all aspects, but lied elsewhere.

"...Are you jealous?"

Slowly, blue eyes met sea green across the table, and while Misty's mouth remained tight lipped, Dawn's fell open.

She hadn't thought about it like that—she _was_ Dawn, after all. Her face scrunched up, and she ripped her eyes away from Misty's shocked ones and looked outside quietly.

"Is that why you called me?" Misty asked once more, a bit of alarm in her voice when Dawn put up her hands and shook her head frantically.

"N-no, nothing like that. I respect Ash's wishes I just..."

She looked so lost, searching for answers in a sea of questions as she brought up an issue she felt previously. "I just want to find _my_ Ash, or _my_ Drew—and... yeah, seeing my closest friends get into relationships was a bit jarring, but I never thought that it would eat at me like this."

Misty swallowed hard, and then exhaled. "I understand."

"How?" Dawn reeled, looking at her confused.

"I watched Ash travel with a new female almost every year for five years, Dawn. I had to watch my friends travel, my sisters move on, all while I was sitting at the gym, stuck in time." Misty rest her hands on the table, and sucked on her cheek. "It took a long time until I was comfortable enough with myself to accept that _some things_ weren't meant to be..." her eyes glanced to the side.

"...but what I thought wasn't meant to be only happened after I stopped focusing so much on it. I was my own person before Ash and I..." She trailed off, a blush cover her cheeks while Dawn straightened her back.

Dawn paused and looked down. "I understand that I should focus on myself, but... I want to have a happy relationship like my friends, I guess, and I never realized it until recently. It sounds stupid, doesn't it?" By the end of her words, she was looking up at Misty once more, who looked rather amused, and a little sarcastic.

"Yes." Misty said nonchalantly. "Have you seen Ash and I? I wouldn't say 'happy couple' is in our description."

Dawn snorted. "Oh, please."

"And what about May and Drew? They're like that gross PDA couple; you can't base real life on _them_." At that, Dawn was bellowing from laughter as the redhead continued to point out the flaws in her friends.

"And don't get me started about Tracey and Daisy. You ever seen a cat fight? That's them—it's like Tracey rolled out of bed one day and realized he wanted to spend the rest of his life running around after my sister."

"Thanks." She admit, looking down.

"What I'm trying to say is, no one is perfect. _Relationships_ are not always what they look like..." She fidgeted trying not to give anything away. "Sometimes they're not worth the trouble...but other times," she inhaled, thinking of Ash mostly. "They're worth every unbearable minute."

"That's what I want." Dawn hummed. "Something that's worth it."

Misty waited for a moment before speaking again, letting her words sink in. "You don't think Paul is?"

"Maybe..." Dawn mumbled. "I sort of hoped there would be an ah-ha moment, like with Ash when he heard that you liked him—or with May, when Drew, and well, you know. But I never got that."  
"Not everyone does." Misty muttered, thinking of her own feelings for Ash. While Ash had a wonderful, easy ah-ha moment, Misty spent years pining after the boy and convincing herself that he wasn't worth the effort. "Sometimes it's painfully gradual, and slow."

Dawn huffed. "Man..." She grunted, holding her nose. "What am I even doing?"

"Good question."

Dawn opened her eyes at Misty, and glared at her before closing her mouth. "Thank you. I guess I wasn't wrong when I called you. I thought that you must have had somewhat of a good heart if _Ash_ picked you." Dawn chirped, sticking her tongue out at the redhead, whose face flushed once more.

"You flatter me." Misty grumbled sarcastically, sitting quietly, then she stared directly into Dawn's eyes. "So, what are you going to do now?"

Dawn's shoulders fell while she looked at her hands. Up until this point, she had been following after Ash, a constant support to her friends, her determination...but now, she wanted to do for herself—she had been trying to help May, help everyone, but she never helped herself.

She grimaced.

"I'll think about it."

 **XOXs**

Misty left as fast as she arrived, the cerulean gym leader spent just around twenty four hours awake between flights from Kanto to Kalos, to Hoenn. After Dawn and Misty's heart to heart, they met up with May and Drew, where they spent time together, laughing mercilessly at the expense of Ash and Drew, but the night came to a close quickly. Dawn walked Misty to the airport, and they shared brief goodbyes before she watched the woman climb into the plane. The coordinator made a mental note to thank not only Misty again, but Ash as well. She could only imagine what the raven-haired trainer miles in Kalos was thinking.

She huffed to herself, but with her new found determination, as she made her way back to the pokemon center. Left to her thoughts, she struggled with the idea that _she_ _was_ jealous. Dawn was many things, but _jealous_ was hardly a trait she speculated on. May and Drew were back at the pokemon center, preparing for a tag team tournament in a few weeks, and she would be a witness to that even though _she already_ had her five ribbons. She had no reason to stay in the Hoenn region anymore, she needed to move on and start on her own journey—if Misty's advice was as true as it sounded, she needed to get over this hump.

It was easier said than done. Her stomach still felt twisted from her poor actions yesterday that led to one crying phone call, and a plethora of questions. Had she really...?

Sure, Misty said it was _normal_ , and _not to think about it too much_ but how could she not? Dawn Matthews lost her virginity to Paul Shinji, Ash's rival, and Reggie's younger brother, and her reasoning was nothing more than " _It just sort of happened._ "

Dawn grabbed her face, pinched the bridge of her nose while she walked with the darkness of the night wrapped around her and groaned inwardly and outwardly. If she had ever wanted to go back in time before _now_ was the time. She wasn't thinking clearly!

Caught up in her thoughts, she almost missed Paul, who effortlessly danced around her outside of the pokemon center. He wasn't going to say anything to her, what was there to say. However, she caught a glimpse of his lavender hair and gasped.

"Paul." She called to him, looking at his head. "I'm sorry about what happened this morning."

He didn't think to turn around at first, he inhaled for a long period, held his breath as if contemplating his choices, and then exhaled as he turned to look at her once more.

"What is there to be sorry about?" He asked coldly, offering the smallest smirk. Dawn's lips fell into a tight frown and she threw her arms down.

"You don't feel anything? What about that look from earlier?" She gasped, trying to appear less shocked than she was. Paul shrugged.

"What look? I saw you in passing."

Her body stiffened, and she could feel her blood run cold under her skin. Tiny prickles of anger poking into her otherwise peaceful demeanor and she swallowed. Without another word, a good bye, or a nod— _anything._ He turned and walked away.

For some odd reason, boiling deep at the back of her throat Dawn threw her arms up. "This is why I left! You act like I mean so little to you-you barely remembered my name until _years_ after we met!" She shouted earning some looked from around the center. Paul didn't turn back to her, but he stopped walking.

"You're cold, and you're mean, and maybe if you weren't such an _asshole_ you wouldn't have problems being in a relationship—or being _friends!"_ her breath caught in her throat, her rage boiling over at his comments from before, as well as her own frustrations. "So, so you know what? I'm not sorry! You've been nothing but a jerk to me when I've been trying so hard to be nice to you! To think that -I—I-!"

 _Still,_ he didn't look at her. He remained stoic with his hands in his pockets, his shoulders slightly leaned forward, and over all, a perfectly emotionless posture. Dawn hissed, thinking to sign her rant with a _screw you, Paul_. But she as better than that; the fact that she had already blown up at him was enough. Instead, she took one long look at his stoic back, and then turned and stomped away, flipping her hair as she did.

There was a reason after all, that when she left Sinnoh, they didn't stay in contact—and it should have stayed that way.

When Dawn entered the pokemon center, she did so in a huff. She stormed all the way to her shared bedroom with Drew and May, threw open the door and started to not-so-quietly pack her things.

May sat up; "Dawn, what's going on?"

"I'm not sure anymore!" She admit. "What I do know, is that I need to be on my own for awhile." Dawn said exasperated, turning around to grab some charms from the desk and zip her back pack.

"Why all of a sudden? Did something happen with Misty."

"No, well.." Dawn hummed, "Yes, but in a good way." Dawn breathed. "I'm learning to see things a little more clearly."

Both Drew and May gave her an earnest, puzzled look; and for a brief second, May looked worried.

"I'll be back for the Hoenn grand festival... but until then.." Dawn grabbed May's shoulders, to which the brunette grabbed her friends hands, and squeezed them tightly.

"Where do you plan on going?"  
Dawn paused for a long moment, thinking of the last place she needed to visit. "To Johto, they're opening an advanced contest section there, and I'm going to be apart of it."

May looked to Drew, then back to Dawn as the latter threw on her bag and nodded to her friends. "You're leaving now?" May gasped worriedly, and without being able to express everything that happened, Dawn nodded.

"Yes. I'm going to take the late ferry to Johto." She explained. "I don't want to waste another minute!"

May inhaled at her enthusiasm, it was always inspirational how determined Dawn could be-even after acting so strangely the last few weeks. May shook her hand.

"I hope that you will find what you're looking for."

Dawn grinned. "I hope that you do, as well." She said in return, waved a good bye to Drew, and then without another thought, she exited the bedroom.

She could have said more, explained her thoughts, her reasons and logic, but instead, she held her head high. For now, she needed to think of herself, to think of her goals and her life—her dreams. She couldn't let herself get caught up in what was going on around her, because that would only weigh her down—for now, she needed to focus.

 **XOXS**

Dawn missed it because she left so quickly, but Paul watched her leave, saw her storm into the pokemon center. It was a foreign, painful feeling at the core of his chest. Dawn's words were actually _hurtful_. It wasn't like _he_ was the one that left...but then again, he _never_ gave her a reason to stay, either. Dawn was right, Paul had been nothing but a stoic asshole to the blue-haired coordinator, and for what? He stayed out of view of the pokemon center when he saw Dawn step out once more with her head high, her tears dried, and a destination in mind.

She bounced back so easily! Yet.. Paul was scowling with... _feelings_.

 **Author's Note** :

So, the reason I've been waiting so long to post this, is because I hope I didn't make Dawn seem too OOC. But she was sort of at the center of everything during spitfire, and in the end, nothing really came out of it. She's been doing the same thing for so long that I could see her going "i want something more than what I have". I also see Dawn as being one of those people that sort just _goes_ for it. Caution to the wind, she would try anything. She's also the type of person (like Ash, arguably) who does everything for everyone else, and now, she realizes she wants to focus on herself.

NOW. That also brings in the development I have for Paul. Let's be honest guys, he's an ass. Straight up, kick you while you're down; ass. For him to move forward, he needs to have that icy jar of a heart kicked a little.

As for why she -didn't- talk it over with May, Dawn realizes that she has some problems of her own, and doesn't want to bother her. Besides, sometimes it's easier to talk to someone you don't know very well. Someone who doesn't expect anything from you.

While I am _not_ pleased with chapter 9 and 10, here they are. They're a thing now. Thankfully, I can now move past them. Huzzah!


	11. Chapter 11: Ash

**Equanimity, Chapter 11: Week Seven**

Ash was tired, so very, _very_ tired.

Work wasn't getting easier, more and more of his time was being devoted to standing in front of a camera and being asked silly questions, and more than that, he hadn't had a battle for ages. _He was miserable_ on top of everything else.

His body ached for the travel, the grind of a continuous adventure, bright spring skies, long summer nights, he missed _all of it_ now that he was _trapped_ in Kalos for what felt like a century. He looked at his pokegear for an adjustment of the time.

 _Seven weeks_ was a century, in Ash's mind. He inhaled once, seeing a slew of messages left over from Misty, his mother, two from Brock, and one from Dawn.

Eyebrows raised, he looked on at the message from Dawn first.

"Just wanted to say thanks for sending Misty! I really appreciated it! I hope you two make up the time! Anyways, I'm off to Johto now, so if you're in the area, let me know! Bye Ash!"

Every single sentence followed with an exclamation point—that was Dawn if he didn't know any better. Ash face scrunched up as he flicked through the rest of his messages; his mom liked to ask how he was doing, remind him to wash his face and keep himself clean for the camera—and always to tell him how proud of him she was. Brock liked to send news to Ash, mostly in terms of his goals; also in terms of battling. They were opening a new advanced-tournament in Johto soon, which pint up current and former regional champions against each other in a live showdown.

...There was also, of course, the thousand questions left by his old friend about how Ash and Misty were doing. Ash tended to ignore those, much to Brock's disappointment.

After flicking through some general replies, ignoring voice mails left by the league, and clicking through pointless emails about upcoming events that he had marked in his calender—thanks to that receptionist at the tower—he found his way to Misty's text messages.

His eyes were barely open by this point, dozing in and out of consciousness, he hadn't been able to get back to her until now, and while he felt like garbage, he knew that she would understand. Ignoring the texts that she sent, he skipped directly to calling her.

Ash didn't care that it was 3:00am in Kanto, if he got to hear her voice, that would be more than enough. The gentle ring of his phone brought his eyes down heavy and he exhaled as the call finally connected.

"...Hello?" Misty's voice cracked, and he could easily hear that she had been sleeping. Tiredness gone in a second, he snapped up.

"Hey, sorry if I woke you up." he said with a slight cough to clear his throat.

She hummed, he could hear he roll over to check her clock and then through squinted eyes she inhaled. "No, it's no problem." Misty lied. "What's up, Ash?"

Then the nerves sunk in, he felt so guilty that his only excuse for calling her so late was because he wanted to talk with her. It sounded so wrong and cheesy in his head that he flopped backwards with a sigh. Pikachu was asleep on his custom made perch, and his ears twitched only slightly at Ash's late night conversation. Ash spoke quietly.

"Nothing much..." he grunted, he had no idea what he was even supposed to say to her.

She paused. "Oh. What time is it there?"

"Err..." Ash grumbled, feeling old for being as tired as he was so early. "...nine."

She huffed uncomfortably, and he listened to her move until she was sitting up, possibly rubbing her eye and yawning.

"You're going to have to start calling earlier, you can't keep waking me up this late." Misty groaned, rubbing her temples.

Ash stammered, nearly dropped his phone and inhaled oddly. "It's the only time I have off, you know that." He grunted, rubbing the back of his neck.

"I know." Misty hummed. "It just sucks is all." She added with another yawn.

"What did you end up doing today?" her raspy voice questioned and Ash's nerves stood at full attention.

"There was a meeting this morning outlining the current statistics of battlers. I learned that there has been a push to have show cases opened up to both male and females—I attended a tournament greeting ceremony, and signed some papers." He rattled of his list while looking up at his white ceiling. "What did you do?"

"Usual gym cleaning, battled a few trainers—won most of those, I might add." Ash smiled at that. "And then I helped Daisy pick colors for her wedding in August."

"That's good. Did everything go alright with Dawn?"

Misty shifted uncomfortably. "Didn't you get my messages?"  
"I did, but I might have skipped them and called you instead..." Misty snorted on her end at his reply.

"Really Ash?"

"Sorry..." He tried, chuckling oddly.

"Dawn is fine, she was just having girl problems. She's off to Johto now that I think about it."  
Ash hummed. "Was it _really_ important?" He asked, maybe a little selfishly, but it caused Misty to giggle.

"It was important enough. I will see you again soon, don't sound so lonely." She chided with a chuckle that made his bones vibrate.

"I'm not." He denied with a blush. "It's just that... last time you came back angry." he grumbled and Misty sighed.

"Then don't screw up and I won't be angry."

"No pressure or anything, right?" Ash laughed.

Minutes ticked away as they passed off information about the day, before he knew it, he had kept her up for a little over and hour. His eyes were shut tightly, drifting in and out of consciousness, yet skillfully still able to carry a decent conversation with the redhead, who after waking up fully was completely possibly of yammering—she vented about her sisters mostly, and the growing impossible regulations to maintain while running the gym.

"See, this is why you should say screw all of that and come visit meee." Ash slurred, turning over so that his face would mesh into the pillow.

"Or..." Her voice dropped unexpectedly, in a low, sultry kind of way that made his eyes snap open in shock. An euphoric feeling slammed hard into his stomach, and he curled onto his side as a deep blush spread over his cheeks. "You could come visit me..?" She finished, her voice trembling in a way that his entire body shook.

"Misty," He returned hotly, blinking several times to clear his impure thoughts. "I can't." he mumbled automatically, to effectively kill any sulfurous intentions behind the redheads worlds. She huffed out of frustration.

"Well, then when is the next time I can visit you?"

Ash sprang from his bed, grabbed his mess of documents on the night stand, and flipping through the pile until he found his calender.

"Next weekend?" He asked quickly, and he could hear Misty's grin.

"Sure."

His heart skipped and he swallowed against his dry mouth. "But not in Lumoise City." he checked the map beside the calender and raised his eyebrows. "Ambrette town." he muttered, since that weekend he would be in the sea-side town, and so far away from Lumoise city and the pokemon league, he would have plenty of time to slack off. Besides, Misty loved the beach.

"What's in Ambrette town?" Misty questioned with a skeptical tone. Ash inhaled.

"Lots of stuff, mostly the beach though."

"Ohhh, it's been a long time since I've gone to the beach..." Her voice sounded so dreamy that Ash let out a loud sigh of relief before she followed up an excited tone: "Do you think we can go fishing for some water pokemon there?" She asked in a tone that made Ash's heart skip happily.

"This is why I love you." He grinned proudly, getting an amused scoff from her.

"Oh please, Ash."

"No, really, it's amazing that we have the same interests. I don't feel bad if I say that I wanted to go finishing as well." He exhaled breathlessly into the phone before adding. "And I haven't had any time to train my pokemon either, do you think we can do some quick matches? Oh, maybe I can convince Professor Sycamore to give you a froakie or-"

"Settle down Ash," Misty giggled sweetly, and shook her head. "I can only come for two days, remember? Don't plan too much."

"I won't." he grumbled, biting his tongue. "but...it's all within reason."

"You're forgetting time for romance, Ash."  
"Romance?" Ash echoed, a little brashly, in a tone that matched his ten-year old self a little too much. Misty hissed.

"Yes romance! We're dating now, so we should have _some_ romance, right?"

"Aww, but Mist..." Ash started, eyebrows lowered.

"You're the one who can't keep his hands off of _me_ Ash Ketchum, I'm just saying that you shouldn't plan anything if you're just going to ma-"

His face had grown increasingly red as she spoke until he dropped his phone and had to shuffle around the floor to pick it up once more.

"I will behave this time." He whined playfully, sinking down into his covers.

"Oh, please don't." she growled and his stomach twisted again as he slapped his forehead.

"Misty!" He shouted in a hushed tone, sparking her alluring chuckle.

"I'm just kidding, settle down." she assured him in a low, teasing tone. "I know you're _sooo_ innocent."

Ash felt his temperature rise, amongst other hormonal changes that were _acting up_. He shuddered and clicked his tongue against his teeth. "Go to sleep, Misty." he said breathlessly.

As if she could sense his discomfort, she grinned as her voice laced with sarcasm. "Oh, no, no, you've kept me up this late, you're stuck with me now."

Ash's voice lowered to match hers as he turned over on his bed and closed his eyes. "I'm going to sleep." He said flatly. "I love you, good night." He said flatly before thumbing for the end call button.

"Ashhhh," Misty mused playfully. "Don't hang up."

"Miiiissty." Ash whined back. "Don't tease me."

She gasped, but that only made his stomach tighten more. "I would never."

He wasn't as amused as she was, "Then what are you doing now?"

"Well..." she mused and Ash could hear her shift in her bed and he shook his head.

"I didn't—" He paused for a very long time, his breath hitched in his throat. "... _Are you_?"

"Ash, you pervert!" She squealed and he threw his face under his pillow and felt like disappearing forever.

"I didn't mean that, I meant that-" He stammered, face boiling hot while Misty inhaled, coming down from her laughing fit.

"I know, but I need to go start gym duties, so I will have to talk to you later." She cooed, and Ash knew that if she was here at the moment, she would have ruffled his hair and ran away laughing.

"You are so..." he started, exhaling loudly. Misty grinned.

"Amazing, I know." She hummed, slipping out of her sheets. "Anyways, _babe_ , I'll talk to you later."

Ash yelped at the pet name. "Were you drinking last night, is that why you're so..."

"I'm just playing, Ash, settle down." Misty advised innocently, "Anyways, get some sleep and have a good day tomorrow. Try to call me sometime _before_ 4:00am, okay?"

"Will do." He said pathetically, though a smile tugged at his lips. "Take care, sorry for keeping you so late..." He said in a low tone.

"I know, might give the wrong idea, Ash." Misty grinned her response and Ash swallowed.

They said their goodbyes, followed by a round of Ash diving into a numbingly, cold shower. From his perch, pikachu snickered—having heard most of the conversation with his keen hearing, but decided to keep that information to himself when Ash emerged from the shower, wearing a pair of shorts and a tank top for sleeping.

"She drives me crazy, pikachu." Ash muttered, knowing that his friend was not _truly_ asleep. He ran a towel through his hair before collapsing onto his bed. His heart and mind was racing, so in an attempt to drown out the thoughts Misty inaccurately placed into his mind, he watched some battling, but his eyes kept drifting to his poke gear which pulsed a green light at him. He had a message, but he wasn't sure he wanted to answer it right now.

He needed to think about battling, about his next step to becoming a pokemon master, and yet his eyes drew to the phone once more.

 _Damn it_. He hissed while snatching the device and clicking it on. Misty had messaged him, which was the worrisome part. Wearily, he clicked the message open, and felt all the blood in his body rush to his nose, and something more south. He didn't hesitate to reply to her, fingers clicking multiple times to drown out the image she sent.

"Misty, what was that?"

"Something to spice up your life." She replied instantly and his face only grew brighter.

"You're not wearing anything!" She paused for a short time, and Ash fought the urge to scroll back up.

"Don't be dramatic. I'm in a bra, that's what I sleep in. Not like you haven't tried getting under it before, anyways." Then added right after. "I'll make sure I don't pack a bikini, because that's apparently too much for you. -winky face-"

He had no semblance of an idea of what to reply, so instead he tossed the pokegear as _far away_ as reasonably possible, and then crossed his arms with a deep frown while watching the television screen play reruns of the Kalos match, he could see himself sitting in the stands, and covered his face with his hands, and forced his eyes closed. Staring back at his closed eyes was Misty smiling at him all to clearly, and he forced his eyes open.

Sleep was clearly not an option. Slipping on a pair of jogging pants, and his light jacket, he pressed for the door instead, and went for a jog.

 **XOXS**

Ash had an interview the next morning, but he would be lying if he said that he wasn't mildly distracted. Misty had sent a few apologetic messages at the end of her day, saying she knows better, and that she won't send anything again.

That was great, and he appreciated it, but a part of him didn't mind that she sent _him_ such things. However, such a mindset was terrifying in its own way.

His age always came back to memory in times like this, he was eighteen, not twelve anymore. It was _normal_ to have feelings for girls, strange, abnormal, impure _feelings_. It was all apart of puberty, Brock told him it was normal, Gary insisted that Ash bloomed too many years late, and yet until Misty, Ash had _never_ experienced sensitiveness like this. He wasn't oblivious, he knew that other girls had a trained eye on him, he wasn't blind to the obscure things _other_ girls did, especially not since having his bubble burst by the fiery redhead. However, the only one who had any affect on him was Misty.

...And some of the things he dreamed of, or thought would have made his mom cover her eyes in embarrassment. It was like coping with six years of pint of emotions that suddenly spilled out of his guts, and his mind and body was in a constant state of distress.

She had a way of getting under his skin, the _voice_ of an angel disguised as Satan and a mixture of other painful thoughts that made him uncomfortable and hot under the collar. Ash had to put it out of his mind. Where Misty was only supposed to be an addition to his life, he could see that she was slowly taking over.

If there was _one_ thing Ash wanted more than a battle, it was Misty. Such thoughts were terrifying, because only two months ago, the thought _never_ crossed his mind. Sure, he had a few bursts of jealousy as a child, he and Misty had a long history of being teased by their peers but _Ash Ketchum_ in a relationship at eighteen? He never thought that he would see the day.

He rubbed his temples while being sprayed with some type of perfume in the dressing room in the back of the interviewers studio and hacked.

"Can you not?" He asked, waving the girl away while dusting out his black shirt that got traces of powder on him. He smelled like a girl. Pikachu didn't like it either, because he pranced around his trainer, lowered his ears and shook his head.

"I know buddy, we're having a ton of fun—but we get to see Misty this week end!" He said optimistically, but pikachu sneered.

"Chaaaa, pikachupi, pika." The moment quipped, telling Ash that was great news, but when were they going to start battling again? Ash hadn't used any of his other pokemon weeks.

Ash pinched his nose. "We'll train a little tonight, okay? Let's just get through this."

Before he could finish his statement to the rat, he was being ushered into the next room, to take a seat on a long couch beside a pretty lady with golden blonde hair—if Ash had to make a comparison, he would suggest to the woman she looked like Misty's oldest sister, but put the thought of his head. He was only national television now— _the first_ interview on national television that he had been forced to practice for during the last few weeks.

Ash gave a broad smile, staring directly at the live audience, and if possible, the tiniest bit of stage fright crept into his chest.

"Hello, Ash Ketchum!" The pretty blonde woman clapped, while rising from her seat. All in one motion a loud applause echoed from the audience and Ash nearly shrunk away. With Pikachu on his shoulder waving at the audience a few 'aww's' went around.

"Heya." He replied lopsidedly while shifting in his seat to sit as far back as possible. Slowly, the applause and cheers died down, with a very distant 'I love you, Ash!'shouted in the back that caused him to chuckle.

"You seem to be very well liked." The interviewer suggested happily, flipping through her notes. Though, Ash wasn't the most perceptive, he could still see that the smile she wore on her face was fake to some degree. Ash smiled in return regardless.

"I guess so..."

"Oh, no need to be so modest!" She slapped him on the knee and Ash glanced at her hand and then back at her, trying to recite 'proper' television educate. He was stiff, but the woman didn't seem to care. "My name is Kathleen, I'll be interviewing you today. So, tell us about yourself."

H _e could answer that question easily enough at least!_ "Well.. my name is Ash Ketchum, I'm from Kanto region's Pallet Town," He stroked pikachu's head, his nerves slowly dissipating as he grew more comfortable with the scene; these were the practice questions he was given. "This is pikachu, he's been my partner for a little over eight years now. I've been training pokemon since I was ten, and someday I want to become a pokemon master." He finished strong, mentally patting himself on the back for a wonderful delivery.

"And do you think becoming Kalos Regional Champion has affected you in any way? Maybe helped you reach your goals?"

He hesitated at that, his eyebrows knitting together cutely. He glanced at the camera and the crowd—knew there was only one right way to answer, so he let out a very brief, strangled noise and smiled. "Yes and no." he said against his better judgment.

Her eyebrows rose, interest in the interview for the first time since he arrive, she smacked her lips together.

"What do you mean by that?"

"I kind of feel like I'm trapped here, truthfully." Ash admit, puffing one cheek. In the distance behind one of the curtains, he could see what would be his 'manager' barking at him to be quiet. "I mean, I spent easily eight years on the road, and that all sort of stopped these last few months and I've been sitting in Lumoise City watching tournaments and signing documents when I feel like I should be out catching and training pokemon."

A large grin encapsulated her face when she spoke next. "So do you maybe regret becoming champion?"  
"No, I feel like I earned it." Ash answered smoothly, going so far off what was written out for him that the man holding the note cards put them down and glanced at his partner. "But I think lording a million tasks over a champion who can be changed at any given time is pretty silly. In Kanto the Elite Four manages most of the public affairs."

Her mouth opened. "So are you saying that you don't approve of Kalos League management."

"Am I allowed to say that?"

Then the cameras shut off, going to a commercial break. The once booming audience was quiet, possibly insulted by Ash's words while he tapped his fingers on his knees thoughtfully.

"Mr. Ketchum! What are you doing?" Bellowed the man in a gray suit and blue tie as he came around the corner to stare at the young boy. "You were supposed to rehearse the script we gave you."  
Ash looked down. "...yeah, but that wasn't really _me_ answering those questions."

"That's because it's not _just you_. You're the Kalos League champion, you're representing the Kalos League on National television. "Do you realize how bad you are making us look?"

Ash's mouth opened, and then closed again. "No, sorry." Looking away sadly, his eyes turned downward at the ground, the to pikachu who shared in his frustration, and then back to the interviewer.

"Alright, so we're good to go back on then?"

The Kalos Executive looked to Ash who shrugged apathetically, and then smiled at the blonde once more. After the suit-in-tie man aborted the stage, the cameras clicked on once more. This time, however, Ash had taken on a more calm persona.

"Ash, do you have any one you're inspired by? Perhaps some words for other trainers like you?"  
Ash glanced at the notes that were being held up once more, and forced a smile. "Yeah, I do, actually. There's a great trainer from the Kanto region named 'Red' who went missing after finishing the original pokedex. He's the reason I started taking an interest in pokemon." Ash said assuredly. "As for my advice to give to other trainers, I'd say don't give up. It's not easy. I mean, I lost five leagues before I won in Kalos."

"That's right. You were only ever the top five in those other regions... However, we did hear that you were offered a position as an elite brain, and that you won an unofficial league;" She glanced at her notes. "The Orange Islands, was it?"

Ash smiled wide. "That's right. I turned the Elite Brain position down though."

"Can I ask why?"

"Mostly because I wasn't ready at the time. I mean, I was like fourteen; if I'm antsy now, can you imagine what I would be like if I had taken a stationary position then?" He chuckled, getting a brief laugh from the crowd. Hearing them laugh at the same time as him boosted his confidence in an odd way, and he grinned.

"And do you think as an eighteen year old you've matured enough to hold a prestigious mantle of champion?"

"Well, yeah, I mean I have the Kalos executives managing me, so I think I'm okay."

They cut again, and Ash blinked in confusion. The interviewer hissed, her patience growing thin. "You can't say that on television, Ash."

"..why not?"

"Just read the damn cards!" the executive screamed and Ash shuddered.

They repeated the process several times, and Ash realized that the audience was a paid audience, and this wasn't really a live show at all—they would edit the footage the same way they do for movies. What did he even need to prepare for? He was being told everything to say.

The week ticked by, with several live interviews following the first, where he repeated most of the same answers as prior with no creativity in between sentences. He wasn't only having his time managed, he was now having his words managed—and he wasn't sure exactly which one he liked the least.

When the week was drawing to a close, he was about to attend his _last_ interview of the week before he would head to Ambrette Town, where in a few short hours, he would see Misty, he could forget all about this terrible week; visit the beach, find some pokemon and _get out_ for awhile.

It might have only been three months, but Ash was _already_ going out of his mind.

When he arrived at his last interview of the week, it was the first live show he had, the key to knowing the difference was in the audience. Paid audiences were not given applause signs, while live audiences were—the cameras were also different a well; where during none-live shows, the cameras were stationary and around the room, when they were live, it was pretty well a single camera. He was also told that if he messed up on a live show, he wouldn't _ever_ have another one.

Truthfully, Ash was okay with that.

He walked naturally onto the stage, waving to the cheering audience with a a flick of his wrist. Pikachu joyed him cheerfully, with waving paws in both directions as they found their way to a large lounge chair opposite another lounge chair with a coffee table in the center. In the back was an image of the Prism Tower to hide the bleeding sun, and the air on stage was so chilly he almost had gooseflesh.

"Hello, hello Ash Ketchum!" The interviewer cheered, her red hair sending a vibration down his spine—he hadn't the chance to call Misty since their last conversation and seeing the woman sent a strange pang of guilt into his chest. Regardless, Ash cracked a smile.

Perhaps it was the nature of the business, but he was finding it easier to smile without really meaning it. "Hey," he squint at her tag. "...Mandy." he muttered, his eyebrows lowering.

"Oh my gosh, that is my name? Have you watched my show before?"

Ash shook his head and pointed to his shoulder area, reflecting to where her own name tag was. "You have a name tag." He said with a coy grin. Her face turned a slight pink when she looked down and then laughed boldly.

"You are so right!" She clapped and then crossed one leg over the other. Unlike Misty, this woman had an orange-y, fake tan sprayed over her body, and she was wearing a too—tight white skirt, and a blue blouse with a white blazer.

"Thanks." Ash muttered prying his eyes away and onto the candy at the table, where he so neatly grabbed a few and gave them to pikachu. A sudden 'aww' came from the crowd, as well as this 'Mandy'. She clapped her hands on her thighs.

"Well, Ash, you've been the talk of the town." She cooed. "What's it like to be _so_ young and the champion? You may be the youngest champion the Kalos league has ever seen."

Peeling his eyes away from pikachu he glanced around the area for the all-knowing note cards he had been drilled into reading for the last several interviews, and when he didn't see them, a brief panic settled in.

"uhh..." he started thouhtfully, looking back at her—her eyes were a lime green, and he frowned. _Mind off of Misty, Ash._ He chanted to himself and then rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "It's okay. A bit challenging some days, but over all it's been _an experience._ " he said for lack of better words.

"I can imagine." she said with a sympathetic nod. "I'm a huge fan, I've even kept up with your latest interviews, and I must save you have had some _crazy_ adventures!"

Ash nodded, a little hyped to talk about his adventures—he never had a lack of those to talk about, and sharing them usually ate away at the time, but before he could speak she started once more.

"And you're an _amazing_ battler, as we have all seen."

She gestured to the large screen behind them, where the prism tower turned into a moving image of Ash and greninja during their final line up at the championship; greninja had leaped through the air after breaking out of Ash-greninja mode, and lunged itself ten feet into the opposing pokemon's face, securing an effective K.O. when only seconds prior to that, they were on the losing end of the battle. Ash rubbed his nose, recalling the moment before the final match with pikachu and found himself grinning slightly.

"You've talked about your strategies a ton of times, you've mentioned the good and the bad about training—but here, we only have one question for you." She pressed her long fingers together, her long nails tapping while the image of prism tower took precedent behind them once more. Ash looked at her skeptically.

 _What's that_? He might have asked if she didn't beat him to it. "What is mister Ash Ketchum's love life like now?"

The darkened scowl that crossed his face didn't go unnoticed by the woman, but she didn't seem to mind as a mischievous grin pulled on her lips.

"What about it?" Ash snapped in all unkind voice.

"Well, it's no secret that you were the talk of the town because of one incident with a Kalos Princess, Serena, right?" She winked at him, and Ash balked in return. She didn't stop there, instead while she spoke images appeared on the screen behind him and he felt raw anger burn at the back of his throat. Images of Serena and Ash's travels together followed—the unspeakable kiss that started this whole ordeal, followed by a few images from the party thrown after, and even a few from when he was _at home_.

"But then shortly after your success you two broke it off, and now you're seeing _Misty Waterflower_ of Cerulean City, is that right?"

Ash glared at her, fingers twisting, gripping his jeans tightly—he didn't remember agreeing to an interview about his _personal life_.

"What about it?"

"Rumor has it you two broke up."

"Not true." Ash gasped in return, insulted.

"But we have images of you bailing on a Kanto league party, and she got pretty feisty the last time you guys saw each other.."

Ash's eyes turned to the camera, where the scene in question was when they first saw each other again at the airport, though he couldn't remember when someone snapped those pictures.

"And recent tabloids have spoke about you and Serena again—basically I guess I want to ask you why a young bachelor like you, a champion with the world at his fingers would settle for one relationship." She seemed amazed with her eyebrows raised. "I mean, that's pretty torturous, right?"

"Was it true that you two were childhood friends and when she returned..."

She was still talking, but Ash's ears had stopped listening. His mouth fell open, then closed. He was appalled—but clearly, everyone was interested in his response. His face flashed a hostile red as he glared at the images spraying behind him, one of Ash kissing Misty at the Prism Tower, and then a few following that which were easily photoshopped and his stomach dropped.

He looked back at he woman, reciting what his mother's golden rule was ' _if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all'_ and Ash hopped to his feet, and stormed off the set. Mandy's mouth fell open and she pointed.

"What's going on?" She shouted to her stage crew who shrugged.

Ash felt humiliated—but not for himself; for Misty _and_ Serena. He bolted from the stage, dodged a few of the security officers, and stopped at the Kalos Executive who stood in front of him, throwing his arms up.

"Where are you going?"

"I never agreed to do an interview about _that!_ " Ash hissed angrily, eyes full of fire when he looked at the man responsible.

"To be fair, you agreed to do any interviews we asked you to do when you signed our legal document." He said calmly. "It's just a few short questions for about twenty minutes; you can manage that, can't you?"

Ash felt his chest burn, but it was pikachu who let out a few electrical sparks to have the man back up.

"No, I think I'm good." Ash grumbled, walking past the executive; no pushing required—he moved to save himself from Ash's pikachu. Of course, the scene was recorded.

 **XOXs**.

Ash watched the rerun of the interview obsessively, gnawing on his thumb nail while he pestered Misty's phone over and over again, hoping to reach her long before that stupid interview did. He slouched off the rest of his duties for the Kalos League that day: skipped the tournament in downtown, ignored the showcase, avoided the fundraiser, and even skipped _free_ meal time at Walter's Vineyard, because he was too frustrated to function.

He watched the snark woman, Mandy, who might have had red hair like Misty, but was the complete _opposite_ , make assumptions about him with some random trainer Ash ran into before—not _only_ were their rumors about the three of them, _now_ , they were gossiping that Ash was upset over his break up with Misty, and that's why he was in such a huff.

Ash called her again, and held the ringing device to his head for the thirtieth time.

Usually, Ash kept out of the tabloids, he didn't read the magazines, he didn't _care_ to, but now that he had—several of them were open, sprawled all across his king size bed—he was absolutely disgusted in their choice in discussion.

Apparently, Misty and Serena were nemesis, and the shaming done to both females was...

"Hello?"

"Misty?"

"Hey, Ash, you called a million times, is something wrong?" She was breathless, and Ash felt his stomach twist. "Sorry, I left my phone at home today when I left for the gym. I just ran home after your-"

"You saw that?"

"Everyone did." Misty grimaced, he could hear her flop onto her couch and he swallowed hard with a loud sigh. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he thought of the best words he could say, but the only thing that came out was;

"Why didn't you tell me what people were saying about you?"  
Her breath hitched, she was about to evade the truth, but luckily, she blew out a sigh first. "I didn't want you to worry. I figured the limelight would get bored of you soon."

"The didn't even touch on my interviews about battling and pokemon, they're only-"

"Relationships sell." Misty interrupted.

"That shouldn't matter!" Ash gasped, standing up and pacing his room to ease his mind.

"It shouldn't... but it does." Misty said modestly, Ash breathed a sigh of relief, then flopped backwards onto his bed where a worried pikachu placidly pawed at him, and muttered a brief hello to Misty.

Ash sighed. "I'm sorry."

"That's okay!" She said cheerfully, but then her voice took another tone. "I do have some bad news though..."

He groaned inwardly, he couldn't handle bad news right now.

"I'm going to have to cancel my trip tomorrow... Daisy did some planning with the gym and she's hosting a water ballet this weekend."

Ash tried to mask his disappointment, but failed _miserably_. "What?"

"I'm really sorry. I tried to get a hold of you earlier, but you weren't answering your phone..."

"I was busy." Ash grumbled, sounding angrier than he was. "It's fine though, pikachu and I will go fishing."

Hearing the crass tone of voice Misty shuddered. "I really am sorry. Can we reschedule for next weekend?"

Without looking at his calender he nodded. "Yeah."  
"Do you know where you'll be?"

"The pokemon league. I have a challenger."

"Ooh, your first challenger, that's pretty exciting." She tried to change the subject but he was already frustrated.

"Yeah, whoopee. They'll record it and then still talk about my relationship status." He inhaled. "Man, I don't understand why that's so important—so what, I'm dating someone, it's not like I'm not still me—I'm still a pokemon trainer—who cares if I'm in a relationship!?" He groaned slapping his forehead.

Misty wasn't sure how to answer that, a part of her was upset that thought so little of the title, but she inhaled keeping it to herself. "It's not a big deal, I'm sure it will fizzle out soon, anyways." Misty tried, but Ash wasn't hearing her.

"I mean, I spent eight freakin' years trying to become a champion—and then it gets ruined by the one thing I've been avoiding my _entire_ life! You know, people always asked me why I remained oblivious for so long, and I'm going to start directing them to _this_ nonsense!"

Misty's frustrations weren't so elegantly masked the next time she spoke. "Well, if it's such a problem why did you bother, anyways?"

"Well, it wasn't really my choice was it? Serena sort of came out of the blue."

"I didn't mean her." Misty grunted painfully, and Ash's eyes opened. He knew that tone of voice, it was her _'I'm upset, but I'm not going to tell you_ ' tone, and he scrambled to gather his thoughts.

"I don't mean that about you at all, Mist."

"Uh-huh." Misty growled and Ash sweat. _Too late_ , damage done. "It's probably a good thing I'm not going this weekend after all, it gives you a little more time to go back to the glory days."

"Misty, you know I didn't mean it like that..." He muttered, but she remained unconvinced, having come off a long shift at the gym.

"Are you _sure_?" She asked, surprising Ash. He blinked once, and then twice. Was he so sure?

She hiccuped. "You hesitated."

"I did _not_."

"You did, too!"

"Misty-" he tried but her grumpy voice cut him off.

"I'll talk to you later, Ash. Have a good night and take care of yourself." She said quickly, ending the call before he could get another word in edge wise.

Ash stared at his phone all of ten minutes, gawking at what had just happened, and then pressed the front against his forehead and groaned loudly. At least she was still friendly when she hung up on him—friendliness meant she was still being civil, none of that irrational ignoring him bit like she tried earlier. However, if he didn't act now, that would give her the fire power she needed to rip into him at a later time.

Taking the cowardly way out, he pulled open his messages to see that she had left a few scattered ones throughout the week about the gym, as well as a—if he had to say _it—gorgeous_ picture of her and a young trainer who beat her in a battle with the title _'reminded me so much of you!'_ written across the bottom of the photo. He held his mouth, recalling the first time they battled at the gym—how he _'won'_ and wondered if that was the way the small boy won. He grinned to himself while flicking over to the image she sent a few nights prior that had him so riled up—to see that it was actually fairly modest.

She was laying in bed, the sun peaked through the curtains of her apartment room to illuminate her face, and _yeah_ she was in _that_ black sports bra, but her shortened red hair was sprawled around her face, and she was winking up at him with her tongue stuck out playfully. Mocking him so carefully with ' _have fun, but not too much fun!_ ' written beneath it and his face turned scarlet all over again.

Ash would _never_ send pictures, he was too awkward. He wasn't romantic, _even in the slightest_ , without someone there to guide him—so all he managed to do was fumbled on his keyboard.

"Don't be mad at me. I love you, if that counts for anything."

He waited a few minutes, and when no reply came, he set his poke gear down, and laid back onto the magazine and pressed his palms against his eyelids in desperation. Ash would never understand women, more importantly, _he would never understand Misty_. He would never understand the media, and he would never understand _how_ he was managing right now. Maybe it was the steady paycheck, or the fancy dinners—maybe a small part of him enjoyed all of the attention he was getting.

"pika." The pokemon murmured, and Ash opened one eye to stare at him.

"You know... You're right." Ash said. Quickly he shot out of his bed, gathered together some supplies for the day, as well as his cap, and then shoulder pikachu.

"We can't feel sorry for ourselves, let's get out there and battle some people. Screw regulations!" Ash changed, slamming the door on his way out.

 **Author's Note:**

I imagine becoming a champion is a lot like becoming a celebrity. Like celebrities, people would focus less on what they're actually famous for, and more on their relationship status. For Ash who has suffered in the limelight with the change of two relationships has some... More of that in next chapter.

Misty isn't being immodest. Females send three times the 'selfie' pictures that males do, and I honestly think that given the opportunity Misty would, but in a 'cheer up' kind of way. I also think Dawn would do this.

So, something in this that 'might' be weird for some people (and is just -one- of the headcanons I have) is that there is a huuuge difference between people who _say_ their love, and _show_ their love. Ash is someone that says it, rather than 'shows' it. (Shows it equaling romantic stuff, gestures, devotion of time/space/etc, mushy stuff). I believe that Ash would be one of those people that thinks "Well, I said it, isn't that good enough?" because that seems to be his approach for a lot of things.

In case you haven't noticed, Misty is the opposite.

Finding a line between work and relationships his really challenging at the start. I can see Ash fumbling on this one in several aspects. _Also,_ hormones, you devilish little emotion you.

NINT


	12. Chapter 12: Misty

**Equanimity, Chapter 12: Week nine**

Misty was at her apartment, preparing her bags for her vacation to Kalos region with Daisy barking at her at her door.

"Misty have you _read_ the things they're saying about you? About As _h?"_

"Yes, sissy. Of course I have." Misty muttered, throwing together her outfit—she was determined to leave for a weekend, and because of the time change, she could probably squeeze in _at least_ three days.

"And _you_ " Daisy pointed a well manicured finger at her sister and pressed it into her back. " _Cannot_ keep running yourself raggid like this. When was the last time you had a full night of sleep? He can't call you so late an keep waking you up.

"I'm up at that time anyways."

"Because you're crazy! You need to take a breather sometimes!"

"I will, that's why..." Misty gestured to her bags, and bowed mockingly at her sister. "I'm taking a vacation."

"You get jet lag on your way home;" Daisy argued, stomping one foot on the ground. "How are you paying for this, anyways?"

"Ash is paying for it." Misty muttered while rummaging through the top drawer of her dresser, she grabbed a few documents for flying, and Daisy inhaled.

"When is _he_ going to come see you?"  
Misty snapped at her sister, looked into her blue eyes with her cerulean green ones, and smacked her lips together. Her hips took the telltale sign of 'enough' as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"Stop playing devils advocate, okay? I know what I'm doing."  
"Do you?" Daisy asked. "You don't think clearly when it comes to Ash, you never have." the eldest sister said. "He isn't being fair to you."

Misty slammed her suitcase shut and glared at Daisy.

"Stop! Okay? No more of this!" She shouted. "I'm sorry that Ash doesn't bend over backwards for me like Tracey does for you—that he doesn't swoon at _every_ call I have—because I don't _expect_ him to." She hissed mercilessly. "Just because _my_ relationship is _different_ than yours, gives you _no_ right to accuse me of being irrational, or accuse him of being less than a formidable companion."  
Daisy stared for a brief period, and clucked her tongue quietly. "If you say so."

"Besides, Ash isn't the only one I've been running around for—I think I spent the majority of my time away from the gym helping _you_ with preparations, so just. Lay off, okay?" Misty snapped, zipping her suitcase and shoving past Daisy with a huff to gather the rest of her things.

Daisy left a few minutes after in a huff, displeased with Misty's tone.

 **XOXs**

Misty, after spending her morning packing, didn't make it two steps out of her apartment before Ash text her not to bother getting on the plane. One most days, she was thankful that she was paying for the extra data to send international texts because it was worth the effort in the long run. It was a step above emailing, otherwise, she would have arrived in Kalos and been stuck there on her own. In his message, he explained that after he abandoned his interview, he had complained several times that the league had been hounding him for 'misbehaving' and was now being treated like an infant. They made it very clear that no one was allowed to come with him to the pokemon league, since as an official champion match, Ash would need to be clear of any distractions.

Basically, he canceled on her—but it was technically a reason he couldn't control.

She looked at her phone, 8:00am for her would be 1:00am for him; which wasn't _too_ late, in fact, if she was lucky, he would be on a plane. It rang once, and then twice while Misty busied herself unpacking her packed bag. Sure, she was _a little_ sad but she and Ash agreed not to let this bother them. Ash was always terrible about answering her calls for whatever reason, so when the receiver turned on, Misty almost jumped out of her skin.

"Helloo~" A chipper, feminine voice answered Ash's phone, and Misty balked, double checked the number and then put the phone back to her ear.

"Hi, is this Ash Ketchum's num-"

"Heeeey, that's my phone!" "Pikapi!" Misty could hear rustling during the exchange while she waited, seated at the end of her bed with one leg crossed over the other.

"Hello?" Ash asked, unsure of who he was even speaking to.

"Hey, Ash."  
"Misty!?" He sounded surprised, maybe a little confused. "Why are you calling me so late?"

Misty's skin seared. "Who was that?" She cut directly to the chase and Ash paused.

"...who?"

"That girl."  
"...wh—Oh!" Ash snapped his finger. "That was Mary, the receptionist. She answered my phone while I was in the shower."

"Why would she be where you're showering?" Misty hissed, not even bothering to mask the anger , or jealousy in her voice. Ash was at least smart enough to catch the tone.

"Relax," he muttered. "We're on a shared train to the pokemon league right now. The showers are...sort of public? It's kind of weird. We have private bunks, but they couldn't splurge for private bathrooms." Misty assumed that Ash shrugged his shoulders given the rustling of clothes on his side, and Misty breathed a sigh of relief, then felt a bit ashamed.

"Oh. Sorry."

"It's okay. I know you're crazy." He chuckled, then in a hoarse tone, he only dared use over the phone, he clucked his tongue. "Are you jealous?" He mused carefully, and on Misty's end, she puffed up one cheek with a dark scowl.

"No, Ash. Concerned." She halted, clearing her voice of any malicious traces before continuing. "Why are you leaving so late?"

Ash paused for a long time, she could hear the sounds of the train whistle, of pikachu making a few remarks about the time, and then of Ash shutting a sliding door before hoping onto his bed, where he hummed in a deep tone—a _sexy_ tone, whether he realized it or not. He probably didn't. Misty cradled her face with her hand.

"Hmmm." Ash started. "Because I played hooky and went and got-" Ash stopped. "Well, don't worry about that. I was out for awhile though."

Misty scoffed, hearing his avoidance of the question. "Doing what? What did you get?"  
"Nothin'." He denied, thumbing the phone. He was always really fidgety—so much of their conversation was masked with involuntary long-distance static, and shuffling on Ash's end.

"Aww, c'mon, you can tell me." She cooed, cocking an eyebrow. "You did just cancel on me after all."

"That's not fair." Ash groaned.

"It's completely fair. Now spill."

"I found you a gift."

"...found?" Misty asked, slightly worried before her heart beat rapidly in her chest. "Gift? From Ash Ketchum?" She mocked with a pleasant smile.

He scowled, and she knew that his eyes rolled. "Yes. I can be..." he paused. "Your birthday is next week."

Misty blinked, looked to the calender, and then shrugged her shoulders. "So it is."

"'suppose to be a birthday gift, so I can't tell you, right pikachu?"

Misty's face flushed. "I'm surprised you remembered."

"To be fair, my mom reminded me."

Misty huffed. Ash was nothing if not honest. "Ash, do... do you even know how to get brownie points?"

"Mist, it's really late, I've been up for almost twenty four hours, the last thing I want is brownies." She laughed at that, loudly which brought a smile to his lips.

"Ash Ketchum turning down food? You must be exhausted!" She laughed, then sighed. "I'm sorry, I'll let you get to sleep." She said pathetically, looking at the bright sun in her window.

"No, no. It's okay. I like hearing you." He mumbled, though his voice was slightly muffled by the pillow.

For a moment, she wasn't sure what to say, so instead she bit her lip. "Next weekend?" She asked, looking across the bedroom at her calender. Ash inhaled, and exhaled.

"For sure."

"And I'll visit you?"

His words were still muffled. "If that's not too much to ask." Misty fidgeted and looked around her room sadly.

"No it's not...but you know, maybe it wouldn't be so bad if you came _here_ for one weekend." Misty suggested, thumbing the hem of her red shirt. She heard Ash sigh, and knew that he wouldn't.

"I can't." He said tiredly, and Misty felt her feathers ruffle.

"Why not?" her voice had a sharp edge to it that cut into him and he fidgeted uncomfortably.

"Mist, I have a lot going on here—I can't just leave for an entire weekend."

"And I can? Do you think running a gym is easier than being a champion?" Misty snapped, and in his tired stupor, he might not have answered her the best way he could have.

"...Well, I'm not saying that, I'm just saying that... _you know_ , Mist, it probably is." he sighed. " _Just a little?_ "

She exhaled, heat rushing to her face so quickly she could have snapped her pokegear phone in half. "And how would _you_ know? You've never ran a gym before in your life."

Ash didn't mean to sound as crass as he was when he spoke next, but he was tired, and a bit irritable himself. "How hard could it be to accept battlers and give out badges?"

Misty's mouth fell open, and a strangled noise escaped her throat. "Ash Ketchum!" she gasped, and she heard Ash sit up, alert now that she was calling him so assertively by his full name.

"There is _a lot_ more to running a gym than just that, and _maybe_ if you ever bothered to visit in the last four years you would know that!" She inhaled, stomping her feet against her carpet. It was a cheap shot, but she felt insulted at his accusation.

Ash hesitated. "...Are you going to keep throwing that in my face?"

"That you didn't visit or talk to me for four years?" She asked sarcastically, high off her anger. " _Yes_!" she said as if it were the most natural occurring thing in the world. Ash remained quiet for a very short time before he sighed.

"I'll come see you... not next weekend, but the one after that." He said weakly, and Misty's mouth opened in surprise; the anger drained from her body instantly. She had expected him to bite the lure, take the bait—fight her in every respect...but instead, he sounded wounded.

"Really?" She gasped, albeit guiltily.

"Yes. If you swear you'll stop bringing up how horrible I was." He muttered awkwardly, and Misty sat back on her bed, stunned.

"Wow..." Awestruck, her brain ticked for appropriate replies. "Really?"

"If that will make you happy." and then there was the undoubted guilt that embedded its way into her chest, and she felt like a jerk for having lost her temper over something so little as gym duties.

"No, look, I'm sorry. Don't worry about it, okay?"

"What, do you not want me to visit now?" Ash mused, most likely grinning in that mocking way. "Are you trying to hide something?"

"Yes. All the secret admirers." Misty laughed, and Ash did too.

"Seriously, though." He slurred. "I need sleep. We will arrive at league headquarters in a little under four hours, and I'm beat, Mist."

"You sound beat." Misty hummed thoughtfully, hearing an odd chuckle from Ash, as if he was about to say something, but then changed it the last minute.

"I'll catch you later?"

Misty smiled dreamily. "Yeah, take care of yourself."

"I will, and you too."

When he ended the call. For a long moment, she stared at her phone and then exhaled. Ash seemed to be growing up everyday, and yet, here she was, constantly moving backwards. She lashed out at him _again_. But why? Why was getting mad with him easier than enjoying his company—it's not like what he said didn't have _any_ truth. As a champion, Ash probably had many different aspects of his job that Misty would never understand, but that didn't excuse what he said.

But his absurd kindness should have.

"Blah!" Misty sighed, she couldn't think straight when she kicked herself forward and snatched her gym bag. Technically the pokemon gym was closed for the weekend because of her _vacation,_ but she would try to get ahead on Monday's chores—what better way to spend the weekend than working?

Misty could think of two: Ash, and Kalos. Better yet, fishing on the beach, catching rare pokemon from the Kalos league to bring home—spending alone time with Ash away from the combat of everyday life.

With a heavy sigh, she slumped out of her room, clicking the light off with the back of her hand, and stumbled out of her house once more. Only two more weeks, and he would come see her, however, she couldn't shake the feeling of doubt encasing her heart.

 **XOXs**

For the rest of the morning, Misty spent her time cleaning up the main pool, readjusting the chlorine levels, stocking the food at the supply closet, cleaning the filters—and just around noon, with no trainers to break up the day, she ran out of chores. Since her sisters stopped celebrating water ballets every weekend, the gym was much easier to run, but that wouldn't last. Once Daisy's wedding was over, Misty was positive the girls would return to water ballets, and their bad attempts at acting and writing the very moment Daisy returned home from her honeymoon.

Then her life would _truly_ return to chaos.

Misty had dipped her toes into the pool to calm her nerves, the same way she had for the last four years. Immediately, the cool springs of water wrapped up and around her legs, sending vibrations of relaxation through her body, and she fell backwards with a sigh.

Since Dawn's outburst, and the constant upkeep with Ash, Misty almost forgot the simplicity of life that followed before she starting dating. When she could wake up, return to the gym and sit quietly, alone.

 _She hated it_.

Slowly, her eyes opened, green orbs stared up at the visible window on the roof and she gnawed on her bottom lip sadly. This wasn't the life she wanted for herself—she loved the gym, but she hadn't progressed; _not really._ Here Ash was, this amazing champion, and Brock was about to be a pokemon doctor and Tracey was getting married. Misty owned the same gym she owned when she was a small girl, and while she was _proud_ of her achievements. She still felt stuck. Ash wasn't wrong when he called her jealous, but the problem wasn't that she was jealous of anyone around Ash, it was that she was _jealous_ that _she couldn't travel_. Because she wanted to. Deep down.

More than anything.

Lost in her thoughts, she almost didn't notice when a brick came soaring through the front window of the gym. Providing a loud bang, followed by a crash of the window collapsing in on itself, Misty shot forward, glaring at the broken glass in alarm.

"Hey!" Misty shouted, seeing in the distance three, young-ish looking girls retreat back into the forest, giggling to each other. Misty raced past the broken glass, and ripped the gym doors open with half the mind to chase the girls down.

"Why don't you come back here and face me!" Misty shouted after them, but they didn't heel. Instead, they ran faster, and Misty turned to see the large window busted.

"Damn it." She cursed under her breath, trekking back into the gym. She avoided the large shards of glass in favor of the broom located in the utility closet, and started to sweep the broken glass away from the pool. The brick was a red, ugly thing lying at the center of the damage, and she sighed as she swept her way to it. When she leaned over to grasp the object, her heart jolted at the words written on it in black marker.

"whore", in faded, jagged writing over the top of it. Misty licked her lips tiredly, and then with a sudden bout of rage, she reeled backwards, and chucked the brick back through the broken window, then neatly flipped off the direction the girls ran off to.

Kalos might have been 2000 miles away, but it was still close enough to put thoughts in stupid girls heads. Misty thought she recognized them—she could easily call their parents; but she didn't want to be _that person_. Misty wasn't old enough to call and tattle on children, was she?

With a faint growl, she continued sweeping up the mess, driving her thoughts to the task, rather than what she should do for revenge.

 **XOXS**

When Misty called the window repair company that was covered under the league's crappy insurance, they told her there was no emergency weekend service, which meant that Misty spent the weekend camped in her old bedroom at the gym, making sure no one else attempted to trespass.

By Monday, she had spoken with several executives high on the Kanto league food chain, and was all but blamed for the incident. Misty clear didn't throw a brick through her window—but they were blaming it on her regardless. _Wonderful_.

Next time, she was going to call the police; apparently, that was the only way to prove one's innocence.

Misty spent the majority of the weekend attempting to text Ash what had happened—but he never replied. He was probably busy with the league, with his _own_ life outside of her. _Figures_. Misty grimaced, and rammed her head against the gym wall before looking back at the window.

In three hours, the window would be fixed, and she could forget this ever happened. The league had also apparently ordered a plexiglass, so it wouldn't shatter so easily—it would, however, dim the sunlight. Misty sighed, sitting at the edge of the bleachers. She canceled all battles for the day, in hopes that the repair men would arrive earlier, but three hours late already, she wasn't expecting them now until dinner time.

It wasn't like she had trainers coming to battle her anymore, anyways. Most people who could read thought she was a 'dirty' trainer, and didn't feel like she had a claim to even the gym anymore. How quickly a few weeks could turn her entire career around was frightening.

"Hey, there!" Gary's voice boomed across the gym as he walked in, looking past the front doors. "Why the long face?" He joked, before sticking his hand through the window.

"What happened?" He added innocently, maybe a little concerned when Misty huffed, blowing a strand of short hair from her face.

"Hey, you." She replied. "I thought you were in Johto?"

Gary looked over his shoulder, and approached her slowly. "I'm heading there now, but I thought I would stop by and see how Misty was doing." He grinned, which she only shrugged.

"I'm doing _great_. Can't you tell? I only had a few bratty kids throw a brick through my window—they're lucky I wasn't a few years younger, I might have actually attacked them." She warned no one in particular, clasping her fist closed and looking up at the rafters with a determined look.

Gary flinched, and handed her a news paper.

"According to the news, you _did_ throw a brick at them."

"As an after thought—and not _at them_. They were already gone." Misty grunted in her defense, looking away from his skeptical gaze. Gary already knew that the majority of the news was eye-candy; whatever sold, lies or not, was the published material. Drama sold. That was the media they grew up in.

"Either way, I thought I would come by to see how you were doing before I left." Gary explained while taking a seat beside her on the bleachers.

They stared down at the pool in silence, which was crystal clear in the sunlight shining from above, and he grinned slightly; proudly.

"Do you want a coffee or anything?" She asked halfheartedly, thumbing her phone while speaking. Gary's eyebrows raised, and then he shrugged slightly.

"No, I'm fine, thanks." He said quietly, then twiddled his fingers. "I heard you opened up the water ballet again last week?"

"That's right. My sisters wanted to raise some money for Daisy's wedding." She said nonchalantly when Gary puckered his lips.

"And wasn't the gym toilet papered at the event?"

Misty's eyebrows raised questionably.

"And before that, when you had swim lessons as a fund raiser, didn't someone dye the pool green? Now people are throwing bricks through your window. I wonder when they'll start setting the building on fire." Gary snarled, to which Misty exhaled and rubbed her face. He was right. _Sort of_. It wasn't _that_ bad though. A prank here and there was okay—but it _was_ becoming...a reoccurring thing.

"I figure they will get bored at some point and stop harassing me." She said modestly, tucking her arms around her knees and frowning.

"Really? So how far are you going to let your reputation be ripped down before you actually do something about it? How much sleep do you even get anymore? You have black rings around your eyes." Gary pointed out.

In the past, Misty and Gary were never _close._ They had their ups and downs, and while they built a friendship over the time Gary spent at the gym researching her pokemon, he was always the first to accuse her when she was _messing up_ or acting oddly. Even after their strained relationship, he still committed at least that much to the redhead. Misty inhaled, and shook her head, nearly defeated.

"I don't know." Slowly, she turned to him with subjective eyes, and a very weak smile before looking away. Before long, the league would investigate these rumors, and then they would decide how to handle them. A gym leader was only as good as their reputation in the town that they represented, and Misty's wasn't always the best to begin with. Now that the news oozing from Kalos was tainting her good name; she wasn't sure what to do.

They sat in silence. A small part of Gary expected her to open up, like she had in the past but now... Gary could see from the look in her eye that she wasn't going to let him into her bubble, into her space. That small area had been filled by a young man who was too far away, living his own life, too busy to stop in to see what was happening. Partially, it made him sick, secondly, it made him angry.

"You know what's funny about this, Misty?" Gary asked, chortling as he rose and stepped in front of her, slowly backing away. Misty looked up at him in response.

"If the Misty from four months ago saw how you were acting now, she would kick your ass."

Misty scoffed, clearly offended. "What's that supposed to mean?"

In reply, Gary quickly clucked his tongue and spread his arms out for emphasis.

"A relationship doesn't define you!" He shouted at her, taking the newspaper she handed back to him and slamming it on the seat beside her.

"Fix this Waterflower. The next time I see you, I don't want it to be because I have to help clean out _your_ gym!" He added, to which Misty flinched and blinked, amazed at his reaction.

Suddenly, with a respect and calming nature of his grandfather, he brushed his jacket down and nodded at her curtly. "If you're ever in Johto, feel free to stop by, okay?" Gary grinned, and then without missing a beat, he flashed her a classic Gary-smirk, and tilted his head at her in goodbye.

Misty was speechless for a long time when she eyeballed the news paper beside her. Her phone finally buzzed in her lap, and she thought to check it first—but instead, she snatched the paper between her hands, and thumbed through the articles from the last week.

She was the headline in three of them for different reasons. The first was her relationship—that wasn't uncommon, the second one was how she 'broke up' a 'star couple' intentionally, and the third was about her battling; written by a young news columnist, and she was sure to tear out that page before she rose to her feet, and shoved her phone into her back pocket.

Gary was a lot of things: egotistical, an asshole, sometimes a jerk; but mostly. He was right. About a lot of things. That the last few weeks she spent more time fawning over her new relationship than she did her ow goals. Like she always had, when Ash came into the picture, she was beside herself—forgetting her goals, her wishes, her wants. That's what bothered her. It wasn't the way Ash said his job was harder than hers, or his constant cancellations; it was her inability to focus on herself anymore.

To think, she gave this advice to someone else recently, and look what she was doing now: playing the victim.

Her phone beeped once more; a familiar ring tone she designated strictly for Ash, and she fought the urge to answer quickly.

 _No._ she shouted in her mind.

She needed to concentrate on herself first.

 _Sorry, Ash_. She thought bitterly, and shove herself through the Cerulean City gym doors.

 **Author's Note** :

I know that Misty isn't supposed to be older than Ash, but I always headcanon that she's a year and some older than him.

I feel like this is the start of something; can anyone say fast decline? -gets shot- wee, all the drama belongs to meee~

I FEEL LIKE Gary is the father figure, unknowing to him. He's given Dawn advice, and now Misty—when will he get his own chapter? ;w;


	13. Chapter 13: May

**Equanimity, Chapter 13: Week ten**

Today was the day, the unofficial tag-team contest that May and Drew had been practicing for the last four weeks. _An entire month, for one contest_.

May toyed with the idea of entering a contest or two on her own time while they traveled around Hoenn but at each contest she was reminded of her conflicted feelings, and walked away from signing up. She did not have a single ribbon in the Hoenn Region; Dawn had left for Johto four weeks ago and was probably already prepared for the Grand Festival there—yet, here May was. Again. _Behind_.

It wasn't that May didn't enjoy contests; a large part of her did—what she didn't enjoy was losing. For the last eight years, she lost contest festival after festival; really, it started at the Wallace Cup, when Dawn defeated her. Defeated May, who had the stronger team, better experience, and the proper mindset and determination.

May didn't hold that defeat _over_ Dawn, mostly because May wasn't a spiteful person; but a part of her, deep down felt that was when her ambition started to fall.

Now she was standing at the finals of a duo-contest tournament; against twins who had been battling together for the last ten years. Drew and May, with four months of battle practice, against a war-torn duo that decimated their former matches. Unlike Sinnoh, dressing up for contests in Hoenn was not mandatory, but that didn't stop the two of them. Drew was shoved into a tightly-fit tuxedo coat, and May was forced into a blue, wrap dress. For a group about to battle, they looked ready to preform in a dance competition, not a battle.

Tugging on his collar, Drew approached May who had been collecting her breath and thoughts and then clapped her on her bare shoulder.

"Are you ready for this?" He asked, and May, who finally made it to the final round for the first time in months— _mostly because she was hanging onto Drew's coattails_ —even though he told her other wise. _Be more confident_ he told her a million times. It wasn't like may to be so negative.

"As ready as I'm going to be." She responded.

Her hair was tied back into a pony tail; the lose strands usually framing her face were tucked behind her ears and clipped back to keep her vision clear. The tag-team contest was a large celebration, and the winner was not only taking home a trophy, they would also win a cash settlement, May believed she wanted to look her part to the best of her ability, especially standing beside a top-coordinator.

May's face scrunched up at the thought while she cracked her neck in her best attempt to pump herself up. Her nerves after the last few battles were stretched thin, and she had to shake her limbs loose. They would win. Seeing her agitation, Drew scoffed, then with the skill of a hair dresser, and the calming nature of some kind of _prince_ , Drew nudged May, twirling her to face him before he plucked her bangs out of their clip. They fell in lose strands around her face and she scrunched her nose in disagreement.

"What did you do that for? My hair took an hour." She grunted but was both silenced, and amazed when Drew touched her cheeks gently, and pecked her on the nose.

"Just relax, there's no pressure to win." He told her, contrary to what he had before in the past. The words punched May in the stomach and she released the breath she had been holding since that morning when the contest began.

"Alright. Then let's go lose then." May joked, tone alleviated when he took her hand, and they took the stage.

 **XOXs**

When the battle—that's right _battle_ , not contest; the gruesome, tactical adversaries were far from the usual contest- hit the fourth quarter, both teams were at their ropes. This was no longer just a presentation of the pokemon's inner and outer beauty anymore—or thier trainers appearance; May and Drew were a mess. The battle had been going for just under thirty minutes and the crowd was still cheering madly when one blast was countered by another, and they fell into a nearly blow by blow battle. Where the twins were better performers—possibly the best May had ever seen—Drew and May had a better battle strategy. What they lost in points for roughness, they earned back by knocking out the opponents pokemon.

In a rare case, the battle was a three on three—or in this case, and six on six. After thirty minutes, the battle had trickled into slyveon and swampert, versus May's blaziken and Drew's absol. The _perfect duo_ , had the clear type advantage, but even so, May and Drew skimmed the roof; battle wise, they were winning from brute strength alone, _contest_ rules-wise; they weren't being very _beautiful_ while doing it.

"Absol, tackle slyveon!"

"Blaziken, give him cover!"

Drew's lips tightened when the pokemon moved to their trainers command; blaziken twisted his long legs into the dirt battle ground, then blew fire upward that drew smoke into the area—wining them two points back, when absol ducked into the smoke to prepare his attack. He glanced at May for a brief second; the problem with a tag-team battle was while they were expected to work together; they had no time to actually formulate a plot.

..worst of all, there seemed to be a miscommunication; where May and Drew were understanding in most occasions; there was a fog blocking their silence communiation.

Unlike normal tag-team battles in tournaments, when a partners pokemon fainted in a dual-contest, the match was over. So, Drew and May made a mental agreement to target the weakest pokemon in the group—which was slyveon.

"Swampert, clear the area by spinning with hydro pump."

"Oh no." May cursed, knowing that blaziken wouldn't be able to effectively counter it.

"Absol dodge it and then use swift!" Drew shouted out though May hurtfully hesitated. Her heart raced, then her mouth opened. Hydro pump would clear the smoke...but spinning would effectively destroy any power behind the attack. Her heart leaped and she inhaled.

"Blaziken!" She shouted, earning the pokemon's attention. "Cut through it with flare blitz!" May shouted, her tone drastic enough to jar Drew's attention right out of the battle.

"He hasn't practiced it enough and you're at the type disadvantage!" Drew yelped quickly, earning a close-up on the large screen and a comment from the news reporter about 'trouble in paradise' along with 'could this risky move be it for the duo?'

Though, May knew what she was doing; and she was right to trust her instincts. Through the smoke laden path created a move prior, past absol who watched in awe, then directly through the spinning hydro pump. Its feathers damp, its eyes on fire, blaziken ripped through the hydro pump with a fire around its entire body that crushed the opposition and landed a critical hit on swampert, who was thrust backwards, past his trainer, and directly into the concrete wall.

"Now shake it off and finish this with a high jump kick!" May's hand extended forward, deafened by the height of near-victory. She stole the show when the formerly flame-engulfed monster shrieked, and dashed after swampert before it could recover, and knocked it into the concrete wall once more with a devastating kick to the upper jaw.

When the smoke cleared, slyveon remained standing, with absol a few feet away watching blaziken as it brushed itself off and moved away from the swamp water pokemon. Its body was mangled into the wall, and one of the opposing trainers squealed before returning him. May rose with confidence, her shoulders held high when the familiar, faulty sound of dismal ringing fell over her ears.

"It...appears the match is over." the announcer barked, checking the score sheet automatically given to him by the judges... he coughed and cracked his neck, his anxiousness showing through his voice. "The winners are _The Twins_ from Twinleaf Town!"

May's stomach lurched when she looked up at the contest judges, where her scoreboard had been marked into the red—her 'appeal' points were squashed with the opponents only winning by a millimeter, at best. Her last attack...it was hidden by the smoke screen. Anger surged through her.

"What do you mean!? I knocked out their pokemon!" She shouted but Drew tried to calm her before she made a scene. One of the judges breathed into the microphone.

"The brutality and strength of your pokemon was not displayed in a magnificent manner. While you may have won the match, you left your partner wide open for a counter attack and disregarded proper safety and beautification processes that could have led your pokemon and your partners pokemon to destruction. Besides, because of your lack of foresight, the final blow was lost in the smoke."

"But why does that matter?! His pokemon is _fine_!" She shouted back, and she could only see them shrug in response.

"I'm sorry, but you were the loser. Please exit the stage."

May's mouth opened, then closed when she returned blaziken with a huff, then stormed away from the platform without waiting for Drew. He followed after her, not-returning absol who followed in disregard. Outside, the crowd burst into cheers, and the duo they battled won with smug expressions. For a brief moment, Drew wondered if that was what he looked like when he was preforming years ago. Winning mostly by luck, then playing it off on experience.

Drew chased after May, cursing the horrible dress shoes he wedged himself into when she slammed open the changing room door, then all but tore off the neat, pristine dress she hated wearing.

"Jesus-!" Drew gasped, covering his eyes and turning away from her. He heaved a heavy sigh when she tore open her locker and started to dress back into her normal attire, all the while, swearing.

"I can't believe them! Brutality! Are they joking? We won the match!" May growled, ripped her earrings out, pulled her shirt and tights over her underwear, and slipped on a pair of white shorts before smoothing the outfit out. Trying to forget what ever image he had witnessed, and attempting to nurse the ill-situation, he turned at her when she sat on the bench at the middle of the room, and started to tie on her sneakers.

She faced away from him, but he didn't need to see her face to know the immense distress and frustration crossed over there. When her shoulders fell, she hissed once more, her voice cracking.

"We had them by the ropes! Swampert ruined his entire hydro pump and lowered his defenses by spinning! His entire body was out if alignment. I knew blaziken could land the attack! I wasn't being reckless—or brutal!"

"May-"

"No!" She shouted, standing up with an eternal, passionate flame in her eyes. "Remember when contests were about winning battles but preforming tricks that _worked_ with your pokemon?" She gestured to Drew's attire. "When we didn't need to dress up because we were more concerned about putting our pokemon's unique abilities on display for the world? Flare blitz is an amazing attack and the fact that blaizken knows it at all should have been points for something! Instead, using a powerful attack cost us the frickin' match! It's infuriating! They didn't deduct points when that stupid trainer told his swampert to spin and use hydropump! What a wasted attack; he could have even hit slyveon!"

Drew felt sweat pour down his neck. He had only ever seen May this angry on a few occasions; actually, he had never seen her so angry. It was an experience he would never forget. She pulled on a set of white and black gloves that she traditionally wore since her time as a beginning trainer, and he could feel the rage boiling from every pore on her body when he approached her from behind, and placed his hands on her shoulders delicately.

"Calm down..." He tried, but she rocketed away from him and swat his hands.

"Don't tell me to calm down! That was _bull shit_!" She yelled with a loud huff followed by the scuffle of pulling on her satchel over her waist. She stomped her feet a second later, and Drew blinked in her direction.

"Where are you going?"

"Out for a walk!" May replied, "I need to clear my head!"

"I'll go with-"

"-Alone!" She snapped, slamming the door for effect. In the locker room where her performance clothes were still strewn about as if he had tore them off himself; he slowly gathered them into his arms with a reoccurring sigh, and packed them away with his items once he started to disrobe.

It was _unfair_ that May lost them the match, but that was how contests worked. Unlike normal battling, they required not only _winning_ on most occasions, but also showing a pokemon's true skills and abilities; their talents, ability to work with the trainer, and _unfortunately_ their beauty. They weren't _battles_ , winning wasn't the only _goal_ in a contest. They required planning, and tactics, and strategic moves; relying everything into one final attack that had too many unresolved consequences was none of those—blaziken never learned the move properly before the match. May was taking a high risk, and in the end, it led little reward. Her anger, however, was understandable. They were finally going to win, and she got cocky. She went for the kill, when she should have gone for the knock out.

Sighing, Drew pulled on his gray slacks, black t-shirt, and then closed his locker and shouldered the rest of his pack after tying on his shoes. There was no point in sticking around; semi-finalist weren't given an award, and he wanted to beat the press.

 **XOXs**

Nearly an hour after the match was over, Drew found May sitting on the swing set outside of the pokemon center. Clutching her poke-gear phone, and pressing buttons to most likely text her brother, Max, who still hadn't called her since heading to Kalos for his own journey. Inside of the pokemon center at the service desk, Drew saw the familiar set of pokeballs on the petistool, indicating that she was waiting to pick them up. More than likely, she was waiting on Drew, who took a small detour before returning to see her.

"May." He spoke in a hushed tone slipping two arms around her stomach, right below her breast to hug her gently. May winced when he brushed his lips against her cheeks, then pulled away to sit in the swing beside her; leaving a rose dusting on her lap.

Looking down affectionately, she exhaled. "Thanks Drew." She hummed, scooping the rose between her fingers before she kicked her feet back and forth against the air. She pumped once then twice, the insistent squeak above them whistling loudly while she swung back and forth.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Drew finally asked her, watching her fly beside him like a pendulum.

"Not really." May replied quickly, her hair blowing into her face as she flew backwards. She pumped forward, and flew high above the ground with each swing, while Drew dusted his feet into the sand.

A few minutes passed before May came to a slowing stop, then jumped from her seat.

"When I was upset about losing when I was a kid; Ash would always tell me not to give up!" May declared breathlessly, shooting her fist upward toward the sky. A pang of resentment shot through Drew's nerves, and he looked away shamefully—the thought hadn't occurred to him to tell her not to give up. She was an adult, he respected her wishes enough to let her think on her own. People were allowed to feel down.

"Four years ago when I started a journey on my own, Max used to tell me to stop being a big baby." She added, her fist dropping. It opened when it hit her waste and she looked forward into the sunset.

"Since I was a kid, I've always had people telling me to get better—to do better; to try harder." May inhaled. "And I've tried, but nothing I do seems _good enough_."

"May, you're doing fine." Drew offered finally. "Everyone hits a low point sometimes—you preformed amazingly at the contest today, the judges were just.."

"Doing their job?" May asked, in an uncouth tone as she turned at him. Hands on her hips, she swerved back into her swing—pressing the sole of her foot into the plastic seat. "I messed up. I acted rashly instead of acting like a performer! I know that. It's not like I don't _understand_ or anything—it's just unfair. Contests have changed so much in ten years under the influence of showcases and battling; we're trying too hard to be different that we've forgotten what we were in the beginning. Coordinators aren't supposed to play dress up—we're supposed to show how _amazing_ our pokemon are."

Drew pursed his lips, eyes turned away. He didn't disagree with her, but contests had been this way for a long time.

"Things change?"

"I know." May replied then hopped off the swing. "I'm sorry we lost." She explained sullenly, clearly more upset that she brought him down with her, than that they lost in general. Because in her mind, they didn't _lose_ , the judges called it unfairly.

Drew scoffed. "I'm not upset that we lost."

"Oooh _my_ , you two are here." The shrill of a man's voice echoed loudly behind the duo, who's backs both stiffened upon the familiar, masculine, feminine voice. They turned in unison, like a creaky door when their eyes fell on green— _so much green—_ and purple hair.

"Harley." Drew muttered when lanky arms grabbed them both into an overly friendly hug. May chuckled but Drew groaned. When Harely finally separated he clapped his hands and shrieked.

"My two lovelies, that was an amazing display of power from the both of you today." He placed a hand over his heart and inhaled. "I'm so impressed by your growth."

"Thanks Harley." May offered with a sly smile, though Drew was less than impressed.

"What do you want, Harley? Are you still up to your old tricks?" Drew grunted with frustration. The other man shrugged then winked at Drew.

"Heavens, no! I wanted to see my two favorite rivals—oh, and question what in the heck you were doing here, silly goose?" he pointed to Drew. "Aren't there advanced competitions in Johto right now. You're eligible for those as a top-coordinator, you know."

As if Harley had signed his death sentence, Drew's face paled and he calmly placed his hand over his face.

"What?" May asked, blinking.

"Yeah, apparently he went to the Johto region to resign from the position he was offered—I never thought it would be to come back to _Hoenn_." Harley gasped, not realizing the damage he was creating while Drew stared on at him, glaring daggers and death. _Shut up_ he swore at Harley mentally.

"I was so depressed when I heard you pulled out of the contest—I was expecting to see great things from you—now I have to watch all these other _minor_ characters battle . Hmmm" Harley crossed his arms, then May turned to Drew, furious.

"You said you weren't accepted into that program!"

Drew went to reply, but she cut him off.

"And that you went to Johto to see your parents!" She added hotly, and Harley reeled backwards, realizing what mayhem he had started. "Why would you lie to me!?"

"I didn't lie to you, I did go to Johto to see my parents!" He tried, but May threw up her arms, and then spun away from him; leaving the boys in a silent huff. Harley covered his mouth and glared down at Drew.

"Did you do something to hurt my little Hoenn Princess?" He gasped in disaffection, and Drew groaned before racing after May and disregarding Harley's presence. She was in their shared room when Drew walked in slowly and then shut the door.

"Are you mad?" He asked calmly—though it was clear in the way she packed things around the room.

"I'm furious!" She exclaimed, throwing together her things; upon closer realization, he noted that they weren't _her_ things; they were _his_ things. She took his blazer from the back of the chair; his clothes he tossed off that morning and didn't bother to put away, and shoved them into his back pack. His heart lurched.

"May—what are you doing?" He asked awkwardly, albeit, terrified. Slowly, she looked to him with wavy, dark blue eyes and swallowed hard before thrusting his full backpack against his chest.

He grabbed her hands instead, letting his bag fall to the floor and held onto her tightly, forcing her gaze to remain—nearly begging for an answer. Midst the gaze, she bit down on her lip, then slowly looked away and released he released her.

"I don't want to be the reason you don't follow you dreams, Drew." She sounded so sad, disappointed in herself and her actions, when Drew leaned forward to kiss her forehead gently; his few inches he held over her seeming like mountains now.

"You're not." He tried to reassure her, but she sighed and shove herself away from him.

"Obviously I am, the Johto advanced contests are a huge deal; you have to be _sent_ a letter—you don't just apply for them. They invite _you_." May expressed with a sad sigh, her shoulders drooped and Drew ruffled his hair before sitting beside her.

"Yeah...but that was before everything with you." He tried, but that didn't make her feel any better.

"Drew; you were planning on leaving before that incident at Ash's party—weren't you?"

"I...Might have." He said quietly, mulling over his thoughts in his mind. "Then you seemed so bothered when I tried to leave that I-"

"That's because you bolted." She interrupted him with a sigh. "Leaving on good terms and _running away_ are completely different. I can't believe I have to be the one to tell you that." May whispered, puckering her lips. Drew laughed nervously before looking at her; shamefully his eyes downcast to the floor and she bumped his shoulder.

"I guess I didn't want to then." he said honestly, looking away from her. They weren't _good_ at talking about this stuff, especially not Drew. They always tried to hide their emotions behind hormones, or the shade of night; usually, their issues were so small, they could sleep them away or find a solution; never had it actually been...

"I guess I found something more important to me than pokemon contests." Drew blushed biting the inside of his cheek when May gushed at him.

"Aww, Drew." She said sweetly, wrapping a tender arm around his shoulders and leaning her head onto his arm. "I love you, too." She murmured, and Drew's face turned three shades darker at the lumbering, belittling voice that she carried. He pinched the bridge of her nose when she sniffled—mocking him quietly.

When the moment passed, she looked up at him through her eyelashes and blinked several times.

"I want you to do this." She said. "I know that if I was in your shoes—even if I didn't mind it at first, I would resent it later." May smiled and rested her chin on his shoulder. He looked beaten when his green eyes fell on hers—absolutely defeated. She might have struggled in contests, but she always beat him.

He sighed. "How can I tell you no with those eyes?" He muttered and May stuck her tongue out at him before he continued. "Will you come with me?"

That was the tricky part; the hard question. May bit her thumb through her glove and then shook her head very, very slowly, effectively crushing Drew.

"Honestly, I think I need some time to clear my head—maybe go home for a little while." May offered, though Drew looked down thoughtfully.

"Oh."

"It would only be for a little while. I just have to figure out what's going on with me, first. I'm not going to be much help if I'm constantly throwing fits in contests, am I?" May asked, brushing her hair from her face. Drew smiled at her, leaned in close, then with little to no warning, he kissed her lips and wrapped his arms up around her waist. Where she was slender, she was also well endowed when he pressed her assets against him, drawing a long, frustrated sigh from her.

"You know I think you're amazing." He muttered, sliding his hands down to her hips, then back up again.

She giggled gleefully and wiggled beneath him. "Not always; you were pretty uptight when we were younger."

Drew rolled his eyes recalling their interactions when May was a new trainer.

"Yes _always_." He argued jokingly, then kissed her again, parting her lips with his own before nimbly slipping his tongue inside, allotting for a strangled moan, and a sensation that made her weak in the knees.

 **XOXs**

Goodbyes were hard, but they were easier when they had a happy ending; and while May wasn't fruitful in her current expeditions; she was optimistic about their relationship, at the very least. When Drew moved to shoulder his neat, and well packed bag, he kissed May on the cheek and they walked to the airport together. Harley was going to fly back with Drew to Johto, after everything was said and done the night prior, they met up with him again at the pokemon center cafe, and decided the sooner Drew returned, the higher his chances were to be admitted back into the program.

May didn't think he would be leaving so _soon,_ but she wouldn't let her own selfishness keep him from his own journey; and _maybe_ , if she could get past her road block, she could join him in Johto.

So, goodbyes were hard, but when he hugged her at the airport, squeezed her tightly and whispered into her ear that he would miss her, and he will see her soon; and that she will figure this out, she knew it wouldn't be _too bad_. And, if she changed her mind, he was only an island away. Or a phone call away...

May stayed at the airport until his train took off, it wasn't likely he could see her standing at the large, glass windows, but it made her feel better, hopeful, that she was still there when the plan took off. A long distant relationship wouldn't be horrible, would it? After all, Ash and Misty made it work, and they were close to three thousand miles apart. Drew and May would only be a few hundred, and the time change would only be a couple of hours.

May lowered her hand from the window, then turned around and inhaled. For the first time since she was ten, she was on her own.

 **XOXs**

Petalburg City was a train ride away, and had May been anyone else; she would have taken it. However, the new bounding freedom that came with the solo-accomplishment drove her to walk the thirty one miles to Petalburg City, through the forest, exploring.

Without a map, she was able to jump at every waterfall, without a guide, she could follow moss on the edge of trees; without a companion, she could wander all night, and sleep all day. For the first time in years, she beat to her drum, and her drum alone.

It was refreshing, if not liberating, to be her own person. Not that she wasn't already, Drew never complained when they would take detours, but he often didn't share in her endless reach of freedom, either. Knowing that he was indifferent, she would intentionally avoid harrowing detours, tempting rock slides, and the path less traveled.

On her way to Petalburg, May finally _took_ a path less traveled, which resulted in a rock slide, an injured calf, and thirteen bandages—but she had fun.

Stumbling into the dark gym at the break of dawn, she felt more tired than excited, and her body ached where she fell against large rocks, and trees a day prior. Holding her head, she peeled off her headband, and flicked it onto the ground, following her shoes, socks, then eventually her satchel after releasing all of her pokemon currently with her: venusaur, blaziken, beautifly, wortortle, and glaceon. The moment they emerged from their small imprisonment, they beamed happily, finding comfort in the yard outside of the gym in their own environments.

While the brunette was _never_ in favor of being dirty, she didn't mind the light coat of dust over her clothes when she stepped into the kitchen, where her mother, Caroline hummed a joyous, upbeat tone, while preparing this mornings meal. She didn't even hear May when she walked in.

"Mom!" May bellowed, outstretching her arms, and hugging the woman. The mother made a startled noise that resulted in a twist from her, and then she blinked.

"May! Oh my gosh! What are you doing home?" the woman asked, a smile dancing on her face.

"I decided to stop in and visit for awhile; catch up with my family, see the gym—you know, fun stuff!" May expressed, twirling to her seat where she picked off her band-aids one at a time.

"Really?" Her mother asked, forever the skeptic. "And it had nothing to do with that _boy_ you entered your most recent contest with?"

May had just taken a bite out of her mother's extravagant, delicious breakfast rolls when she peeked over her shoulder at Caroline. Her cheeks were full of delicious subsistence, and she didn't think to stop eating, to give a fitting reply.

"Max told us you two are dating; when were you going to tell us?" Her mother asked painfully.

"Max called you?!" May jumped, choking down her food. "How is he doing in Kalos?"

"He hasn't called you?"

"No! The little jerk never calls!" May barked, holding her fists up in offense. Her mother quirked her eyebrow, and smacked her lips.

"That doesn't change my question." She hissed in _that_ sweet, motherly warning. "Are you dating that green-haired boy, Drew, was it?"

"Oh..." May hummed, looking up at the corner of the room. "..Yeah, I am."

Caroline's voice screeched. "And you didn't tell us?"  
"It's not a big deal mom!" May shouted, lowering her hands to the table. "I was going to tell you...soon."

"How soon? When can we meet him? You know your father isn't happy about it!"

"Give me a break!" May sighed, rubbing her hand against her face; this is why she _didn't_ want to tell her parents! Stupid Max and his stupid big mouth! "I don't know, he went to Johto recently to compete in the Advanced Contests there."

"He's a trainer like you? Oh May, why couldn't you pick a doctor or..."

"Mother!" May hissed, shooting from her chair. "Can we not have this discussion right now? I didn't come home to talk about my relationships!"

"Then why did you come home?" Caroline snapped knowingly, with a sweet, motherly smile. The sudden shock of the question weighed heavy on May's shoulders, and she sat back very slowly, and took a seat at the table thoughtfully.

"...I don't know. It just seemed like the place to be right now."

"...Oh, May." Caroline cooed, taking her daughter into a sweet embrace. "You will work through whatever is bothering you, I promise."

"How did you know something was bothering me?" May questioned, eyebrows lowered and knit together with a dashing, innocent smile. Caroline pat May's hair, and left a sweet kiss on her temple before returning to her meal plans—knowing May was home, she would need to change the whole set up.

"A mother always knows." Caroline determined, flicking together the potatoes she was carving, expecting May to run off to play outside like she always did when she was a kid, when the young adult popped beside her aging mother, and gathering some potatoes to help peel.

"Thanks, mom." May smiled, fumbling over her hands. Her mother chuckled.

"You're welcome." A pause. "But don't think you're getting out of introducing that boy of yours."

"Mom..." May groaned, dropping her chin to her chest.

Maybe coming home _wasn't_ always the best option. It's no wonder Ash avoided Delia in times of depression; while they were always warm, they were also... pressuring. May had no doubt that Caroline and Delia would have been best friends if they lived a little closer together. They were _both_ nosy, good intention mothers.

 **Author's Note** :

MAN. No one is having a fun time right now, are they? -laughs nervously-

Okay, so, pay attention to the 'parallels' between contestshipping and pokeshipping. I had a whole explanation following this, but it was a little long so I omitted it. Just pay attention. XD In my brain, I tried to make contests sound a little more appealing; because in reality they're just like battles; but...pretty? Least that's what I understand. I have great plans for May! -dances happily-  
Any who, see you all next chapter; which is about Ash! (I know lots of you just wanted that one, but sorry this came first D:)


	14. Chapter 14: Ash

**Equanimity Chapter 14: Week Eleven**

May called Ash, which was _weird._ Also, she apparently wasn't aware of the time difference, because she called in the middle of a _really good_ dream, and Ash was drowsy, half asleep, and convinced it was Misty calling; not May.

"Mis-May?" he regurgitated when the brunettes voice echoed through the speaker.

His surprise when May's voice bellowed from the other end of the phone was endless, and he blinked tiredly.

 _Have you seen Max? Is he doing okay_? Was her opening line, in a shushed, whisper of a voice. Ash replied to the best of his ability. It had been a few weeks since he last saw the blue-haired trainer, but he was fine. Last he checked. May ended the opening conversation with a short rant about how he hasn't called her, and Ash remained silent...Was he supposed to say something? Max was almost an adult now; she needed to give him some breathing room.

Then unexpectedly, she hammered Ash, that's right, she asked _Ash Ketchum_ of Pallet Town, for _relationship advice._

"Uhh... am I the most qualified person you know for this?" He questioned, glancing at his digital clock, and stroking the length of his face; it was only a quarter after five, what in the world did she want at this hour?

"Well, I was going to ask Dawn, but she's currently dominating in the Johto region, and Misty won't pick up her phone."  
"You too?" he scoffed, having been unable to reach the redhead the last four days.

"Besides, I was going to ask Brock, but he does that whole gushing thing and then depression, and I don't really want someone to make a big deal out of this..."

While she rambled her reasons away Ash removed his phone from his cheek, looked down at the advanced touch screen, and clicked speaker while she vented about why she couldn't call someone else. That she was whispering because her parents were crazy, and she was home in Petalburg for the first time in years and was going nuts. Ash took the opportunity to shoot a message to Misty.

 _Hey, you haven't called in awhile; what's up?_ He text her, clicked the speaker button, then placed the receiver back to his ear.

"...So the reason I'm asking _you_ is because you're the only one of our friends that has dealt with _your_ parent about the whole relationship, thing, you know? You have first hand experience."

Ash snorted. "I wouldn't call it first hand experience."

"Ash, your mom _loves_ Misty. She had no problem at all with Serena _or_ Misty; you have to tell me your secret."

At the reminder that he brought Serena home first, Ash pinched the bridge of his nose and then laid back in his bed. "I don't know? My mom was probably just excited I was bringing a girl home at all." Ash deduced, recalling Delia's happiness with Serena, followed by the exuding joy when he told her about Misty. Weirdly enough she didn't care that he switched in quite literally three days-she was happy if Ash was happy.

...Though, he hadn't brought Misty over _officially_ since they started dating, either. Plus, Delia knew Misty since he was a kid—the situation was all different, and he tried his best to explain that to May.

"That doesn't help!" She shrieked, then covered her mouth. "My parents want to meet Drew."

"..so?" Ash asked, clearly missing the point.

"My parents are _crazy_ , Ash. My mom has already picked out a wedding dress, and my dad has been contemplating which knife he's going to use to cut him open for not asking _him_ before we started dating."

"...Oh, that's rough." Ash then chuckled, making light of what was _clearly_ a very serious situation. "For once, I'm glad Misty doesn't have parents." Ash muttered, though May swore.

"She has _sisters_ , that's worse. When Max starts dating, he's going to have hell with me."

Panic filled into Ash's chest, recalling Misty telling him that she had an 'eye opening' conversation the other day, and he shot forward in his bed. "What do you mean _hell_?"

"Simply that. I'm going to scare off everyone he tries to date." May said nonchalantly. "But that's not the point, I need help now. Give me _some_ advice."

"...Uh." Ash started, wracking his brain—he thought first what Misty would say: _Just be himself_ , but Drew had a way of coming off pretentious and snooty, so he scratched that idea, and then followed up with some bold advice from Brock.

"Speak when spoken to, and she's always right." Ash echoed Brock's long lost advice, and May inhaled.

"But I'm _not_ always right, and my dad isn't going to talk, he going to _stare_ him down, Ash."

Flustered, Ash scratched his head. "Well, damn May, I don't know. I'm still trying to figure out _my relationship_ let alone my mom and her sisters! I haven't even thought about that stuff yet!"

"Well you should! It's terrifying!" Needing to change the subject from such a serious tone, Ash rubbed his face.

"Why are you home anyways? Weren't you in Hoenn?" Ash questioned loudly, waking pikachu who was asleep on the make-shift bed of Ash's clothes on the dresser across from them. Home and asking him hard questions and putting seeds of doubt in his mind. When do other people's opinions matter in a relationship? Her parents will be happy if she's happy—that's how it's supposed to work, right? Surely that's how Misty's sisters would also work... _right_? Why was he suddenly thinking about Misty's sisters?

"I'm taking a break from contests." May announced. "Just.. for a little while."

Ash swallowed, drawn to the conversation of pokemon much more than relationship talk. "Oh? How come?"

"I'm just not _feeling_ it anymore. I haven't won since last year, even _after_ I win the match." May explained, and Ash pursed his lips.

"Maybe you should try to battle instead? You have a great team for it." Ash assured her. May smacked her lips, and cocked her head to one side, checking down the hall for her sleeping parents.

"You think so?"

"Yeah, it's always good to try different things; maybe you're stuck because you don't remember why you fell in love with contests in the first place?" Ash questioned her, and May paused for a long time.

"Well, even though you give horrible relationship advice, your pokemon training tips are still on point; maybe all this champion stuff is paying off." May mocked, then snorted. " _Sensei_ Ash."

"Shut up." Ash snorted, rolling his legs off the side of his bed. "Can I go back to bed now?"

"Oh, I forgot about the time change, I'm sorry!" May shrieked. "Thanks again, I'll talk to you later."  
"Bye, May." Then she ended the call.

Left to his own silence, he tossed his phone onto he night stand, and glared at the clock. It was too late to go back to bed, and too early to get up; so, he opted for a shower. With pikachu's head dipped low once more with the conversation between old friends over, Ash stripped out of his pajamas; which were essentially boxers and a white tank top, and climbed into the shower were his forehead hit the wall.

Ash didn't care that the water was cold at first, that it needed a good five minutes before it heated up. He was _used_ to the hotel room to the point it had become something like a second home. When he went to new towns, they even held the room for him so he wouldn't have to keep moving his items. Perks of being the regional champion, he supposed. _When was he going to bu a house?_ People kept asking him. After the tournament, his _first_ victory as a league champion, he didn't leave Lumoise City. He was trapped there, filing papers and attending meetings in preparation of the start of the next league.

Since Kalos was a mega-evolution country, the league was a bit harder to join than the likes of Kanto, so the area was far more prestigious and organized. At least, this was what Ash was told upon becoming champion. He had to work _harder_ because the entire league was _better_ than everyone else. What a way of thinking!

However, such a mindset meant his pay was outrageous. When Ash first arrived in Kalos eleven weeks ago, he never imagined the salary he would make during a single month would break his bank account—if he wanted to, he could pay off his mother's house so she could quit that part time job at the flower shop. If possible, he could buy a house of his own! Instead, Ash spent most of his money on food and luxury items; like a collection of master balls, the newest pokedex, several kinds of pokemon potions, and of course, plane ticket money for his dearly departed.

He opened his eyes when the water drizzled down his face and back, warming finally. Misty most likely worked _twice_ as hard as he did working at the gym, for only a fraction of his pay check—he, of course, never told her how much he made, because he _never_ wanted her to date him for that. Not that she would, they were _of course_ already dating, but Ash saw what money could do to women; ask Gary's fan girls, and newly, Ash's fan girls. They went nuts!

Sighing, Ash washed his growing hair, and body, then stepped out of the shower. He was never one for long thoughts under the spray of water, but the steam relaxed his sore muscles. However, since he stopped traveling all the time, his body was never sore anymore, except when he sat in a stuffy office room for six hours; then his butt hurt a lot.

Then again, according to _her_ most recent voicemail, she was working longer hours to help Daisy pay for the wedding, and trying to also get out of the debt her sisters put the gym in. What right did he have to complain? Maybe her could make an anonymous donation? Did Misty _want_ the help? Or would she punch him in the face for even suggesting it?

He hated not knowing! And he _would_ know if he could see her, but of course, since his last cancellation; it was like she was avoiding him. That was some advice he should have given to May, don't make promises to see each other, _because neither will keep it!_  
... _whoa,_ did that just come from him? He rubbed his neck at the volatile thought and then glanced down at the floor of the bathroom before getting dressed _. No more thinking_. Ash moved from the bathroom, shut the lights off, and collapsed on the bed, thinking of the early morning, and rest of the day that remained.

He was supposed to see her in Kanto—the first time since they started dating; well, aside from the time he canceled before the league meeting.. but, that didn't count, did it? She sounded so upset last time. _Why don't you ever visit me_ echoed through his brain and he buried his face into the pillow. Ash _never_ visited people, that wasn't his thing. People usually came to him, this whole situation was _different_ and he was still getting used to it. Now toppled with the busy work of being a champion, he simply didn't feel comfortable leaving the region. What if something happened while he was away?

Groaning, Ash mindlessly pawed for the remote control on the night stand, and clicked on the television to Battle Royals, the Kalos region battle channel. When his mind wouldn't settle, he would watch the most recent top-tier battles to ease his mind.

That was one thing he wasn't getting used to; constantly thinking about Misty, his actions, and his relationship. His brain, which was once full of pokemon tactics, battle specs, and strategy, was now a mess of business protocol, _hormones,_ Kalos league regulation _s,_ _impure thoughts_ and, is... _was that Gary?_

Ash sat forward and clicked the volume button, during a news cast break: Misty was in the headlines. Only, not because of Ash but because of... _Was that Gary Oak_?! Ash's mind yelled at him, staring down the image of what appeared to be Misty walking with the pokemon researcher. He didn't care what the news presenter was saying—something about assisting in research, but after listening to his constant threat of 'affairs' whenever he was in the public eye, he _knew_ there must have been more to the story than that.

Ash's mind glared red while he grabbed his phone. First, he needed to think rationally; this _was_ Misty, after all; there was _no way_ she was going to cheat on Ash. They had that stupid childhood, former rivals, _love-thing_ going on, and according to Brock, such a relationship was unbreakable. But...she _has_ been screening his calls; was she mad at him? Was she avoiding conversation in order to soften the inevitable blow?

Ash's breath stopped, and he clicked her familiar number, and tried calling her once; but it went straight to voice mail.

"Misty, when you get this, give me a call back? Is everything going well? We haven't talked in awhile _."_ Ash spoke into the mic, then ended the call; how _odd_ a feeling. Ash spent four years without speaking to her at all; and now he could barely go four days? He was clearly something else, or needed intense psycho therapy.

Agitated and watching the muted television play images of a dolled up Misty in front of the Cerulean City gym only made him _more_ worried. What was she getting dressed up for? Misty only got dressed up when she was, well, _never_ usually! Oh man, screw phone calls—he was going to Cerulean City right now!

For the first time since earning his position as champion, he didn't care if some kind of punishment followed his absence. He might have been acting crazy, but, he wasn't going to let Gary weasel in between them—because that's what he was probably doing, _right_?! Looking for an opening, when Misty was at her lowest.

Deep down, Ash must have known that Misty was feeling insecure, because his own insecurities flared up like like the common cold during winter,

"Pikachu, wake up!" Ash shouted, tugging on his sneakers and buckling his belt. The mouse yawned unhappily, watching his trainer frantically dress himself. Already, the short blurb about Misty had passed, leaving pikachu with no clue of what was happening. The mouse twitched, tapped his small claws on the dresser and made his way to Ash who yanked on his hat, and tugged on a blue light coat.

"...cha?" the mouse questioned.

"We're going to Cerulean City."

"...pi...? Pikachu pi!" The mouse cheered, realizing the connection between going to Cerulean City, they were finally going to visit Misty, and the mouse couldn't have been more excited because it jumped onto Ash's shoulder and cheered.

They were leaving now. Right _now_. A quarter to 6:00am. He wasn't supposed to leave until midnight, but damn it. He was going _now_.

Once he grabbed his door knob, the unforgettable sound of snoring penetrated the hard wood door, and Ash looked worriedly at pikachu. Was someone asleep outside of his door? Sometimes his fans became a little rowdy, which led to having to lock his things up on a regular basis, but Ash squared his shoulders in preparation, then with a strong inhale, he tugged open the door, to reveal lavender hair spilling into the bedroom.

Followed by swearing, and drunken slurs.

"...James?" Ash questioned aloud, watching the man's green eyes open, then close, then shoot open. He was on his feet, albeit, wobbly and falling into the door frame and wall, but he was on his feet none-the-less.

"Listen 'ere twerp!" James hiccuped, slamming his fist against the wall. Ash took a full step back. Now that he was older, James was only a few inches taller, but drunk, James looked much more threatening, mostly because he smelled of piss and vomit, and Ash wanted neither of those anywhere near him.

"I..." James started, his voice cracking. That shrill cry came, then the flood of tears, and suddenly he was barreling towards Ash, crying. "Jessie left me!" he screamed, tackling Ash and pikachu. The three of them fell to the floor with a sharp thud, and Ash let out a deep cry of frustration when James snotty tears were rubbed into his shoulder.

"Ugh!" Ash whined, feeling the wetness through his clothes.

"She and Meowth, they both left and I-" he sniffled, "Don't know what to dooooO!" he whined, his words meshing together. Ash didn't understand him, he was concentrated on getting the man _off_ of him before anything else—the _last_ time he saw Team Rocket they were still up to their no-good tricks! Now this? What in the hell was going on?

With a great deal of effort, Ash escaped James with the help of pikachu, who handed Ash a pillow to slip beneath the lavender haired man. Once there, Ash immediately removed his light jacket and threw it as far away from him as possible. It shared the same stench as James, and Ash felt the need to shower again; several times. Then again, that might have been the pungent stench oozing from the drunken Team Rocket member.

Ash never thought he would say it, but he missed when they would repeat the same motto everyday over _this_. What was he supposed to do? Ash had never taken care of a drunk person before! ...but he knew someone who has.

Then, as if the heaven's opened up to give him an answer, his phone rang in his back pocket, and he reached in to see the ever-wonderful name of his girlfriend and he swiped to answer, leaving James whining, and muttering under his breath. The door was wide open, so while Ash exited the small room south to stand in the balcony, pikachu swung the front door closed.

"Good morning!" Misty cheered into the phone; her happy voice calming Ash instantly. "Did you sleep well?"

"Well, ah, I slept okay." Ash spoke worriedly, glancing through the closed glass window to look at James, who, aside from the shuddering of his shoulders, didn't move.

"It's been...sort of a weird morning though."

"Oh?" Misty questioned. "Have you finally accepted what puberty will do to you? You're not _running_ away from a little morning sturdiness are ya'?" She teased in a very blissful tone, rather than the tired, defeated Misty of the last few weeks. She sounded invigorated and happy. On the other hand, Ash was beyond frazzled.

"Misty!" Ash snapped, red faced. "That's not it at all!" She giggled at his response, knowing him better than that, but he wasn't going to give her _anything_.

Inhaling, he began. "May called early this morning, asking for relationship advice." he figured starting from the beginning would be safest.

"...Why? Did something happen with Drew?" her playful tone died down, replaced instead with worry.

"No, her parents are crazy." Ash said quickly, pacing the balcony. "Then, I saw you on the television with Gary!" His voice was _accidentally_ accusatory, but luckily for him, Misty was in a playful mood.

"What about it?" she challenged, and he could imagine just the way her eyes would quirk.

He accepted her challenge with a strangled tone. "Why don't you tell me?"

"Oh, relax." She sighed. "It's just Gary. Besides, he was only helping for a day. He's been gone for the last two weeks—somewhere far away in Johto, I'd imagine."

"Oh." Had it really taken Ash that long to hear about this news? Whatever _help_ Gary was offering.

"Mmhm." Misty hummed, and Ash could hear her rolling her eyes.

"Anyways!" He snapped embarrassingly. "I was, well, err. I was on my way to the airport when you wouldn't believe me if I told you..." Ash looked back in at James, who had started wailing his problems to pikachu, who pathetically pat the man on the head. Ash blinked, terrified, then stared down at the streets of Lumiose below his tenth story hotel room. "James is drunk, and sleeping on my floor."

She snorted. "pfft, what? You're joking right?"

"No." his tone was try. He couldn't sound _more_ serious if he tried.

"Look, Ash, if you're too busy to come down, you _can_ just say so." She tried, though that familiar strain pulled on her vocals and he shook his head.

"That's not it! I'm still coming." He told her quickly. "It's just that... James is here. On my floor. I don't know what to do. I think he's drunk? And he smells like pee."

A long pause followed, as if Misty was trying to decide to believe him or not. Ash was, after all, the master of excuses—and he was even better at selling them. However, after a time, she decided to receive his complaint.

"Alright, what's he saying?"

"I don't know. It's some kind of drunk mumbo jumbo. He's talking to pikachu right now..." Ash watched and Misty sighed.

"...Really, Ash?"  
"No, listen!" then he held the phone through a crack in the door.

"...It's not fair, we've been after you for so long and you escape us. It's not faiiiiiirrr." James whined, sniffling grossly through mucus build up. Loud enough so Misty could hear.

"... pika..." The mouse offered, patting his head while he whined into the pillow, staining it with the sins of his tears. Ash returned the phone, shut the balcony door once more, and tucked the phone to his ear.

"Help?" He asked sincerely, and Misty opened her mouth, then closed it.

"Is this was you wanted to talk to me about before?" She asked instead, and Ash shook his head violently.

"No, this just happened."

Her voice paused, "oh."

"Yeah..." He inhaled. "What should I do?"

"I would call hotel security. He's not supposed to be in there, is he?"

"Uhh.." Ahs looked in, realizing that the man had stopped moving, and his face scrunched up. "He's not moving anymore."

"Is Jessie there? They might be trying to trick you or something." With that in mind, he moved inside again, keeping his voice low while he checked James, using his foot to move him back and forth. He passed out. Pikachu looked at Ash with confusion and worry and Ash shrugged.

"No... I don't think so. I think he said Jessie left him or something. Besides, he's _really_ out cold now." Ash said, lifting James arm and letting it fall back down like a limp noodle.

"..Oh no..." Misty started. "Poor guy... He might need to visit a hospital if he's drank too much. Maybe you should call security and the ambulance?"

"Yeah, but Misty, he's a member of Team Rocket, _and_ he's still wearing the uniform; they'll put him in jail."

"...Okay... what's bad about that?" Misty questioned, still remembering their betrayal that resulted in her being tied to a chair on a ship a few months ago.

"They're not bad people!" Ash offered. "They...well, you know. They _have_ done a lot for us."

"Chu!" The mouse spoke in agreement; and it was true. Team Rocket became more of a running gag, a comfortable blanket to remind Ash he was moving forward in his life. They were there since the beginning, and even though they didn't always get along, they were _sort of_ friends and companions.

"I know. But he could be really sick." Misty offered quietly, albeit, worriedly.

He wasn't going to call security, or the ambulance. No, he was going to use Misty's expertise for once. "Well, walk me through it."

"Can you lift him?"

"Greninja and I might." Ash muttered, fetching the pokeball.  
"If you can _move him safely,_ put him in the bathtub." Misty ordered.

"What, why?" Ash asked, astonished—what if he wanted to use that after this?

"Because that way if he throws up, it's not on carpet—plus, you can run cold water on him. Also, if he might have alcohol poisoning, so you're going to want to keep an eye on him and keep him on his side." Misty spoke, as if it were the most natural thought process in the world to have.

Ash snorted. "What's the difference?"

"If he has it, he's not going to move much; if not, he'll probably start spewing nonsense again. It's just to be safe. _I still think you should just call someone_." she said, but Ash scoffed at her, held the phone between his shoulder and cheek like his mom did when he was a kid, then after calling out greninja, they lifted the man from the floor—still clutching the white pillow—and carried him into the bathroom. He fell into the tub with a loud thud that rang into the phone and Misty yelped.

"Don't drop him!" Misty screamed. "You'll give him brain damage."

"I didn't drop him." Ash argued, and pat greninja on the shoulder before smiling and recalling him. "What now?"

"I don't know. Wait until he wakes up?" Misty suggested, wracking her brain. "Is he breathing?

"Yes." Ash said naturally.

"Throwing up?"

"No." his eyebrows rose.

"Then he should be fine. Just let him sleep this off. If he starts acting funny, turn the cold water tap on. And if you _won't_ call an ambulance, at least call me." Her tone was low, scolding him; which made him smile.

"...Are you sure?" Ash smiled, brushing his fingers through his hair.

Recalling her time spent drunk, she snorted. "I'm _sure_."

 _"Sissy, we need to head to the department store, and you have an interview in thirty minutes, let's go!_ " It was Daisy's voice, the valley girl accent he would never forget.

"An interview?" Ash asked, and Misty sounded a bit flustered, yelling back at her sister and muffling her phone's mic.

"Yeah," Was all she managed for a response, and while Ash left the bathroom to take a seat on his bed, he could hear her closing up the gym with a pop and then a lock.

"What for?"

"Oh, I'm applying to host a tournament here. That's what I had Gary in town for, he vouched for me."

"Pffth. I could have vouched for you." Ash snorted, shaking his head as if calling Gary was super-unnecessary.

Then, with a hushed, annoyed tone from her sisters yelling at her, she said: "You'd have to be here in person to do that."

"...oh." Ash said quietly. "Why didn't you tell me about it?"

"It was sort of a last minute decision. You know, trying to rebuild my reputation and such." Misty explained shortly, swatting her sisters hands away from her phone. Ash knew, because he could hear slapping, and cursing. He tried to stay focused.

"What's wrong with your reputation?" Ash asked, he had no idea about the attacks Misty faced daily because of his decision to start dating her, being the heart throb that he was. Kalos didn't advertise that she was being harassed. Misty licked her lips and then smacked them.

"Oh. _Nothing_ , it's just for some extra money, too, since I'm the one technically paying for my sisters wedding and all. _Daisy, let go of my-_ " Once again, the urge to offer his assistance ran through him, but he bit his tongue, trying to hold his laughter in.

"Is that why you've been so busy?"

"Well, that and I'm remodeling the gym. I finally squeezed the league into giving me a league subsidiary to repair the water system. Get this, I'm installing an outdoor pool." her voice ended in a happy note that made his worries amplify.

Ash was ashamed he didn't know any of this. "..That's...great." he managed weakly, a bit envious of her sudden growth.

"Isn't it? Anyways, I do have to get going; you'll be okay?"

"Yeah, I should be."

"Great, I will see you sometime tomorrow then!" However, a dull sensation impeded his heart and his gnawed on his lower lip.

"wait!" he shouted, hearing her stall. _Do your sisters like me? Are they causing hell? May mentioned something about sisters being crazy..._ the thoughts flooded his system, but instead of rattling them out: "Can I call you later?"

She hesitated. "...Yeah, I guess so, if you want. If _you're not busy_."

"Okay. I...will see you around then?" He cleared his throat, suddenly finding it hard to breath.

Nonchalantly, she replied: "Yep, talk to you later."

A pause, she didn't have the phone near her ear anymore when she yelled at Daisy to bring the car around the _front_ not the back. Ash's lips curled downward; what _was_ tthis feeling?

"I love you...?" he added surprising himself with the confession; he was always the worst at throwing the word around. If he couldn't show her his feelings, he always hoped to tell her. That way, they would never have a misunderstanding like last time, because he _did_ love her. Even if he could never do anything _else_ right.

"Me, too! Anyways, I'll talk to you later, kay? Bye!" Misty said quickly, then her voice was gone.

 _Me, too_. Ash echoed in his mind, listening to the sound of James finally coming back into consciousness, throwing his arms around in a drunken, stewing panic, and sounds of puking.

 _Misty never said it back_ , _did she?_

 **XOXs**

Over the next few hours; he sent her thirteen text messages, and one video message. He spent the better part of the morning torturing James. He was complaining of a headache, and Ash and pikachu drew on his face and put his hair in pig tails. They took a picture of it, and sent it to Misty, who didn't reply.

Whatever she was doing, she must have been busy. He wondered if this was how she felt when he never answered. It wasn't very often that Ash didn't have much to do, so given the opportunity, he was _kind_ of hoping he could have spent the day lazing around with Misty; but, they were at different points in life, when Ash wasn't busy, she _was_ , apparently.

At some point, James moved from the bathtub, to humping the toilet, and Ash sat at the edge of the bathtub to talk with James. Ash was bored, and pikachu was busy playing a game on his phone—mostly to prevent him from sending anymore text messages to Misty, but also because he liked to slice at pretend flying fruit.

"You know..." James finally croaked, the first coherent word the man muttered since arriving at Ash's door six hours ago.

"We were a family." He expressed, face resting on the toilet seat. "You, me, Jessie, Meowth and I." Ash counted on his fingers James' mistake, but chose not to say anything as the man continued.

"You were the annoying, bratty child, and Jessie and I were the uncles. Meowth and pikachu were our children." He sniffled, and Ash nodded, not quite following along, but it beat watching the news.

"We were in love, all of us." he cried, whining to himself.

"...I don't think so." Ash rephrased, suddenly wigged out by James expression.

"I never thought she would go, you know? And when she did, I thought it would be for a day, or two. She's never been gone longer than a week." James whined, and Ash suddenly realized it wasn't _them_ he was talking about, it was _Jessie_ specifically. James was using everyone else as a buffer.

He wheezed, blowing out a foul stench from his mouth. "It's been four weeks!" he whined, throwing himself onto Ash's knees. The boy panicked, and against his better judgment, pat James on the head before the man fell comatose to the floor, writhing.

"I thought she would realize we are nothing without each other; but then... but then... she began preforming again, and now she's a hair stylist at the Grand de Motel for the loveliest men and women in Kalos. She didn't need us after all."

Before Ash could speak, James grabbed both of his hands, and looked into Ash's brown eyes, his own filling with tears. "Have you ever been in love?" He asked, and Ash's stomach leaped from his core to his heart, to his throat and he looked away.

"Never let go of it! Never!" James whined, rubbing snot into Ash's jeans while slumping back to the floor and crying loudly. This might be the first time Ash ever gets a noise complaint from the hotel's other guest, he thought while curiously thinking of Misty.

 _Me, too_ , echoed once more in his mind, and he felt undeniably uncomfortable; trying to recall the _last time_ Misty said it.

The only time he could remember was seven weeks ago; the night he never showed up to a fancy party that, according to her, made her look pathetic, and weak, and a laughing stock. After that, it was literally the last time they saw each other; before the small spats; but now she seemed _distant_ and that worried him. He wasn't used to her being busy; but she always had been, hadn't she? That's how the gym managed to grow so much in the first place, how her entire life fell into line and she became the battler that she is. She _worked_ as hard as Ash did, this wasn't something _new_.

...but why did he feel like she was slipping away?

 **XOXs**

Since Ash had _nothing_ better to do than sit in his hotel room, he and James had a bonding moment once he was sober enough to eat, relax, and stop throwing up everywhere. Ash even let James borrow some of his _real_ pajamas so he wouldn't be in that sweaty, stinky Team Rocket uniform—oh, and pikachu forced him into the shower; Ash wasn't getting anywhere near that.

Like brothers, James laid hopeless on the right side of the king size bed, pikachu took point, and Ash was on the left side. They flipped through the battle channels, mocked some 'reality' television, and had a legitimate heart to heart.

"I feel like Misty is outgrowing me." Ash blurted out somewhere between Journey stories and the weather update.

"It always feels like that." James replied, not helping out at all. Ash's face grew darker.

"It's just that she has been so _distant_ and moody lately. We don't get to see each other and..."

"Long distance relationships don't work." James interrupted Ash quickly, shaking his head. "One of you is never willing to sacrifice what they have, so both suffer. It doesn't work. I'm sorry, the red-head is as good as gone the moment some other nice, promising boy shows up."

Clearly, James was bitter, and at this rate, Ash was going to be too.

"...Gary was in town with her a few weeks ago... I feel like she might see him more than me." Ash let his insecurities spill out. "I feel a little selfish that we're so far a part, and I'm so stressed out all the time..."

"It never gets any easier."

"Are you intentionally trying to make me feel worse?" Ash snapped, looking at James who shrugged.

"I'm _evil!_ " He tried, though he was not convincing. Noticing that Ash was clearly unimpressed with his statement, James added: "I'm devastated, why are you telling a hung-over man your problems anyways; don't you have a million friends you can talk to?"

"Misty _is_ the one I would _usually_ talk to." Ash explained, glancing away from James and back to the television.

Dawn was on the news again, she was ripping through Johto like a plague she was the first non official top-coordinator to be offered a position in the advanced tournaments, and while Ash was very proud, he often wondered what she called Misty away for—did that allude to Misty's deterioration? Or was it all in Ash's head?

When the duo wasn't watching the news network, they were catching up on chic flicks they told their 'girlfriends' that they hated, but secretly enjoyed, and eating as much room-service food as humanly possible. James was a glutton, for good reason; he skipped dinners for about a week, in favor of the all-you-can-drink alcohol benefits. An anxious Ash watched the clock like a hawk. He was to be on the plane by midnight, it was 8:00pm now, and he only had a few more hours to make it before he could _finally_ see Misty and maybe straighten out the weird feelings he was getting.

Aside from the occasional grunt from James, and a sigh from Ash; they didn't have anything to talk about. On the outside, and inside, they were still enemies. Sort of. Enemies sharing a bowl of popcorn while James cried over the death of the husband in "P.S. I love you" and Ash was still trying to figure out how he planned everything—what dying man had time for that?

Then, half after, his phone started to ring, and naturally convinced that it was Misty; Ash answered without a second thought.

"Hello?" Ash answered, but it _wasn't_ Misty, it was _his_ boss.

"You didn't attend your meetings today, Mr. Ketchum"

"...yeah, I know. I had today off for holiday." Ash explained, sitting forward. He could feel a headache coming on.

"Uhmm, _right_." She sounded sarcastic. "I was calling to let you know that you have the annual Kalos region league party tomorrow at 5:00pm, and you must be in attendance as the league champion."

"What?!" Ash gasped. "What does _that_ mean?! I told you guys I was taking this weekend off!"  
"I'm sorry, I don't have any record of that..."

"That's not my fault, I'm not going!"

"Sir, they're hiring new gym leaders and crowning top performers. You have to attend. It's your duty." her voice was cold, and unforgiving. Natural for the secretary.

"No way." Ash argued. "The whole league doesn't give me nearly enough time to plan for a life _outside_ of my job."

"If your life outside of your job is so important, perhaps you should consider resigning?" she snapped, but Ash couldn't do that—he was no quitter! He ground his teeth together, and clutched the bed sheets while James and pikachu stared at him with worried glances. What was that favorite phrase Misty used?

"Blow it out of your rear-end." Ash cleaned up the language, hanging up the phone and tucking it away. Shortly after, the buzzing was endless from the secretary attempting to call him back. He wasn't answering, and he knew _damn well_ he couldn't be _fired_ so her calling was just to make idle, lifeless threats.

"Sounds like it was pretty serious." James muttered, throwing back another sweet tart while pikachu exhaled and pat Ash on the thigh in support.

"Serious? _Very_ serious. I have to cancel on Misty _again_!" Ash bellowed. "Or play hooky at some _stupid_ party."

"Play hooky." James said quickly. "No party will ever be more important than your girl." he spoke modestly, the first _real_ advice James offered him that night. Ash's face scrunched up.

"But I can't just stop my life to suit hers." Ash gasped, flabbergasted from James' response. He shrugged.

"You don't have to all the time—just every once in awhile, you need to bite the bullet—or something. Least that's what I have _heard_. Not like it worked for me." He said dryly, frowning, and looking down at his hands. Ash's eyebrows knit up worriedly, and as if the decision needed to be made right away, Misty started calling.

"Man, do you _really_ think I should bail on the annual Kalos region league party?" Ash asked, to which James suddenly sat up.

"No!" He gasped. "Heavens no! That's almost as huge as royalty; you _have_ to go." He said, changing his tune immediately, though that didn't help Ash's case. Besides, Ash's mind was already made up. He _wasn't_ going to cancel on Misty _again_.

"No, James, I think you were right before-"

"Screw what I said before!" he inturpted, his voice shrill. "Jessie will be at that party! You have to go, and you _have_ to take me with you!" He elaborated, striking the cord in Ash that was 'do good for others' and Ash was no longer so sure.

"...You can't meet her anywhere else?" Ash wondered, and James shook his head. Jessie was considered 'upper-class' right now, and James was, well, he was wearing Ash's pikachu pants; he was clearly a few ranks lower.

"I don't know James... Misty could be really.." Ash's voice was unsure, staring down at the ringing phone. Misty was always so good; knowing that Ash would get busy and take long periods to get to his phone, she would wait for him—because he _never_ checked his voicemail.

"Then you hand that phone to me right now and _I_ will personally vouch for you!" James lunged at him, and Ash jumped out of his bed, and held up his hand to James to stop him.

"Its...fine. Just. Stay there." Ash mellowed, dodging around the bed to the balcony, where he pulled open the door, and slammed it shut behind him. Pikachu and James being who they were, weren't going to give him 'privacy', no, no, they followed him to the door, ducked behind the curtained side while Ash answered Misty.

"...Hey." He squeaked, and a yawning Misty answered.

"Hey." She responded. "You never called, so I thought I would and see how everything with James went?"

Ash peered behind him, seeing James and pikachu spying behind them, and started to wave them off unhappily.

"They're uh.." he watched them slowly go back to the bed, and lowered his voice. "He's still here."

"Oh?" Misty chuckled, sounding overly amused. "You're too nice, Ash." She said and Ash couldn't phrase how _right_ she was about that. It was impossible for Ash to say no to anyone; well, aside from Misty. He was getting really good at that, apparently. Zoning out, he forgot to make a reply while looking down at the dark, busy streets.

"So...look. I'm sorry for not calling as often, it's just been really, really busy here lately." Misty explained. "But I _am_ really excited to see you tonight—well, it'll technically be tomorrow, won't it?" She asked, and Ash let out a loud sigh and his forehead hit the metal railing.

She knew long before he said anything, because if it wasn't the clear, greatly depressed sigh, it was the continuous banging from hitting his head on the railing.

"...Oh." Misty sounded depressed, hitting Ash with the finisher that made him snap up, grip the railing, and change his mind—he _knew_ James needed help; but damn it, he needed to think about himself, too!

"Oh what? I'm excited to see you, too." Ash lied through his teeth, cursing at himself. He was too weak! Just tell her the truth! He pinched the bridge of his nose, and forced his mouth closed while spinning back to the door, where he saw James and pikachu once more, and then hit the window fitfully with his knuckles to scare them off.

"O-oh! Sorry, I was just expecting, well; never mind!" She laughed nervously, and Ash felt a small piece of himself break off, wither, then die.

"Cancel? Again? Naaahhh." Ash forced, and the lie was over; he had been caught. Misty could smell bullshit from a million miles away.

"You're lying." she said flatly, and Ash's shoulders slumped.

"The league called—the annual Kalos region league party is tomorrow." Ash tried to explain, but Misty sighed. He could hear her fall backwards onto her bed, which in his mind, he imagined was very comfortable—but he _never_ made it that far. He didn't even know what her apartment looked like. For all he knew, she had some ugly green couch.

"You can't just blow it off?" She asked, and for a moment, Ash thought to call her selfish, but he _was_ considering it himself; so was it really a selfish request?  
"No, not this one. Unfortunately." He offered, hoping the idea that he _would_ blow it off would ease her mind—but thus far, he hadn't blown off anything else, so why would she believe Ash would ever break the rules?

"Of course." She blew out air, drawing a long sigh.

"Don't sound so down about it." Ash let slip, accidentally jarring Misty's emotional button, which was not to be touched. She didn't like 'sadness' to be called out, because she quickly shielded it with anger.

"And why not? It's not like this hasn't happened before." She accused, temper flaring.

Desperately, Ash tried to defuse the situation. "I know—but, Mist, it's not like I'm not trying; and besides, I can't control what they throw at me."

"You have a calendar, don't you? Check it." She snarled, and Ash sighed. It wasn't that simple! Doesn't she get it!?

"Misty. I _love you_ , but you can be so infuriating. I'm _trying_." Ash offered his best condolences, but misty snapped.

"I'm infuriating?" She argued, her 4:00am tone slipping. She clearly hadn't gone to bed yet, and so now Ash only felt worse. More than likely, she stayed up waiting for him to call _again_ , and he had been so distracted talking with James, that he forgot about it. Well, not that he forgot; he was just eagerly waiting to get on the plane and _out of this place for awhile_.

"Ash, when was the last time you saw me? It's been three months, and I am the _only one_ who has taken any leaps in any direction."

"Well, we were just fine not seeing each other for four years!" The words snapped from his mouth before he could reel them back in, and he immediately regret such a thing. It was a topic he _knew_ Misty was still sore about, it was partially the reason _he_ was supposed to be the one visiting this weekend, and the effect was not fruitless.

"You're right." Misty agreed, and usually, a more dim-witted, inexperienced Ash in this field would have been happy to know that she _finally_ agreed with him, but now that they _pushed_ that first barrier down, when she was upset reflected highly in her tone of voice. Mainly, in the way it would crack.

"I... didn't mean it like that, it's just—Jessie's there, and James needs to go, and..." He tried to ramble off, but Misty already shut down on her end.

"It's fine, I think you're right. It might be better if we just stop trying to plan things. We're no good at it."

His mouth opened, then closed, and he shook his head. "Why don't you just come here for the weekend, you can be my date to this stupid party and _everything will be okay_." He tried, but Misty bit down hard on her lip.

"...I better not." She answered, and now Ash was frustrated.

"Why not? What do you want from me?!" he shouted. "I offer you a solution and you don't want it; I try to fix it and it's not good enough; Mist, I'm going crazy! Just tell me what you want from me!" he yelled into the phone and for a long time, Misty remained silent. Beside the glass window, both James and pikachu looked generally concerned for Ash's well being, and a bit guilty.

Finally she responded. "...I don't know."

And Ash could have thrown his stupid, life-ruining phone down the balcony, to the end few the street, where it would explode into a small little pile of screws and smoke!

"I'm sorry I make you feel that way. It just reinforces the idea that I think we shouldn't be planning things out like this. Clearly, this weekend thing isn't working and..."

"Then what are we supposed to do?" Ash managed, rubbing his head and cutting her off; he didn't want to listen to her rephrase everything that's been going on; he _knows_ that it hasn't been working, he didn't need that reminder.

"I wish I could tell you that." She responded maturely, and Ash threw his head back. At least if she was angry he knew that she still cared about the situation—when she was calm like this, Ash didn't know what to think. He understood happiness, anger, and sadness; but _this_ was like mental warfare; even if it wasn't intentional.

"Misty..." He groaned, feeling mixed up inside, like someone stuck a blender in his stomach and turned it on max.

"We can still talk on the phone, but I think it would be better if we take the pressure off of meeting." She added, and while Ash _agreed_ he replayed James's advice about _long distance relationships_ and he didn't want to go without seeing her.

"Like you said, we didn't see each other for four years, and we're fine; so what's a few months...or so." Misty added, trying to make herself feel better, but Ash wasn't quite there. He inhaled.

 _"Because it is different now."_ he said quietly, barely above a whisper. It was shocking to hear himself say that, but even more shocking for Misty to hear.

"...Ash, let's just stop here, and think about this over night, okay? I'll give you call tomorrow." Misty mused as politely as she could manage. Misty wasn't _stupid_ and she was _far from terrible_ enough not to hear the pain behind Ash's words. This wasn't the best start to a relationship between them, that much they both knew, and if they kept going down this path then...

"Take James to that party, do what you need to do for the league, and then call me back after you're done, alright? We'll talk more after we've cleared our heads." Misty offered, and he _hated_ this new mature side of her—but he adored it, too. She was trying. _They were trying_. But he still felt like crap.

"Are you mad..?" He croaked finally, and Misty let out a strangle laugh.

"Furious." Misty said nonchalantly. "But I _do_ get it, I promise. But I will still get mad. It's just apart of the territory." Misty told him quietly, and Ash felt a huge wave of relief.

"Do you feel bad?" She followed up.

With a sigh, Ash said; "Yes."

"Well don't. It took years for you to reach this goal; don't stress out so much and _actually_ enjoy yourself." Misty offered, and while she didn't say it; he knew behind her words she meant: _Don't let me be the reason you can't enjoy basking in your well-deserved victory._

"I won't." He answered, and then after another pause, the last of their conversation; she inhaled.

"Alright, then I will talk with you tomorrow then. Get some sleep, and let me know how things go."

"I will. Don't let Daisy tell you anything weird." Ash murmured, recalling May's advice.

Misty snickered. "I won't."

Then he waited for the words to come, but they never did.

"...Bye?" She asked, trying to end the call, but Ash stubbornly remained on the line.

"Why don't you ever say _it_ first?"

"...Say what?" Misty blinked her confusion. Ash's voice dropped a few octaves, suddenly very away with how red his face was.

"That you love me?" Saying it, he sounded like a spoiled, inconsiderate brat of a child, and Misty noted that, by snorting.

"That I love you? Do I have to say it all the time?" she questioned, and Ash's eyes fidgeted left to right.

Clearing his throat, he said: "Well...no, but it's just nice to hear." _since they couldn't, well,_ Ash rubbed his temples.

"You know my feelings about it, as well as my feelings for you. Besides, I only say it when I mean it."

"...But don't you?"

Ash wasn't the _smartest_ when it came to relationships, he was certainly far from the brainiest romantic partner—but he knew that it shouldn't have taken her so long to answer, the hesitation was like a physical upper cut.

"Yes, of course." She finally managed, broken from her stupor.

"You hesitated." Ash called her out, and a frustrated growl returned from her end.

"Ash, don't be such a girl." she snarled

"I'm not! I just don't think it should be that hard of a question!"

"I'm hanging up now, get some sleep."

"But-" "I love you, okay? Don't get weird about it." Misty finally offered her voice cracking from embarrassment, taking her jabs, but still, it felt so forced in Ash's ears.

"I love you, too." He awkwardly stumbled out, and then Misty exhaled. _Why did he care so much_?! What a stupid thing to be upset about! What was wrong with him?

"Okay, so I'll talk to you later then. Good night."

"..'night." Then she jerked the phone away, and ended the call without another word.

Meanwhile, Ash stood at the balcony, staring down the Lumiose city never ending traffic and exhaling. Misty made him so _crazy_ , if it was humanly possible to suffer from _every_ imaginable emotion at the same time while talking to a human being, that's what Ash felt when he was talking to Misty. When they were in person; this was a non-issue, what Misty couldn't, or wouldn't say, she would _show_ him.

Ash never thought _he_ would be the one saying it, but when it came to _speaking_ and talking about their emotions; he was _way_ better at it than her! Misty was dodgy, and gave half-truths and avoided certain topics; when she wasn't comfortable, she would shut down, and damn it, she could get mad at him all she wanted—but if Ash wasn't _told_ what was expected of him, how was he supposed to know? Was he supposed to guess?  
Groaning, Ash quietly reminisced how simple his life was only a few short months ago, and wondered if it was possible to roll back time just to the point right before he won the league. He was _almost_ at the point where he would have sacrificed his victory if it meant getting his innocent, boyhood sanity back.

"How'd it go?" James wondered while sliding the balcony door open, his face scrunched up with pikachu attached to his shoulder. Ash whipped his head at James.

"You owe me big time." Ash warned him, stepping past James and into his room. Somehow, he was going to have this all sorted out by tomorrow when he and Misty were supposed to talk again!

 **Author's Note** :

Poor Ash. ;w; It's always something, isn't it? -pats the fictional characters head-

Personally, I think Ash and James would kind of a bro-understanding if one of the other ever showed up at their door drunk and incapacitated. I also think Ash and James would watch embarrassing movies together that both would deny; and totally share a 'bonding' moment, that if it was brought up later, would totally deny. I thought it was funny, May and James putting little worms of doubt in Ash's head. Distance does weird things to people!

Just part of my "TR isn't really evil, they're just silly" mind set -shot-

Also, things get messy from here. -spreads mess-

See you soon!

NINT


	15. Chapter 15: James & Ash

**Equanimity, Chapter 15: Week Eleven**

 _Great_ Misty was mad at him, or _wasn't mad at him_. Ash couldn't tell, and that was the worst part. When she was here, he could _tell_ because of the way she would look at him, how her shoulders would fall, or rise. But thousands of miles a part, he was left guessing.

"How do I look?" James asked while twirling out of the changing room at a small boutique shop that he dragged Ash to. The man looked as flamboyant as ever; over dressed, dazzling in a white tuxedo with red flowers attached to his front pocket; adorned with an overly _bold,_ red tie with his hair tied back into a pony tail.

"You look like a comic book villain."Ash muttered, mind somewhere else entirely.

 _Maybe we should just stop trying_ followed by that pained voice; underlying tone of pure agony; Ash grimaced, crossed his legs over his knees once again, shifted pikachu in his lap, and checked his phone.

"A comic book villain!?" James gasped, "That won't do!" And he was back into the changing rooms, leaving Ash and pikachu groaning in the seat just to the left of the rooms.

 _Please, I don't have any money, it'll only be a drop in the bucket, I swear!_ James promise eralier that day. Yes, a drop in the bucket. James brought him to what might have been the second most expensive store in all of Kalos region! The people who shopped here wore bright, shining jewelry, tight dresses, and heels as high as some baby pokemon. Ash was no doubt a sore thumb in the midst of fancy people, but he also didn't _care_.

Surprisingly, he cared very little about the _heroic_ deed he was committing for James to reunite with the woman that tormented all of his childhood with spontaneous visits and attempted robbery. Ash was literally helping _the bad guys_ because James was a little intoxicated, and _a little_ receptive to Ash's own problems. _Maybe_ Ash just wanted to see _someone_ happy, because he clearly wasn't!

Ash settled on sitting forward at such bold thoughts. He was happy; truly. Finally a champion, got the girl, made money to pay off his, and his mothers debts and...

No, he was lying to himself if he said he was _happy_ about any of this. With a disgruntled, strangled sigh, Ash slumped backwards with a frustrated scowl and crossed his arms against his chest, and over pikachu's body. The greatest problem, however, was he couldn't pinpoint exactly what the _problem_ was!

"Pika?" The mouse questioned, pawing at his arms with a concerned expression.

"It's nothing. Don't worry about it." He responded, yet pikachu watched him knowingly. Misty always had a special way of getting under the young Ketchum's skin; just more so if they were _fighting;_ where she could bring out the best in him, she could also very arguably bring out the worst in him, as well.

Today was a day of worst.

"Caa... pikachu." The mouse squeaked, insisting that Ash call Misty to _talk_. Ash rolled his eyes.

"yeah, because that turned out great last time." Ash hummed. "I'll call her after this party." He said in compliance, watching pikachu's face cheer up _just a little_ bit; which was worth the white lie. Misty said that she would call first, and Ash was stubbornly going to see if she would honestly follow through with that commitment or not; regardless of how childish it was!  
"Okay, what about this one?"

He walked out in a bright blue tuxedo this time, matched with white frills and Ash appeared slightly scarred at the new mental image forever burned in his mind.

"...Why don't we let one of the workers help you find something." Ash grimaced, waving his hand to call over one of the stylists.

 **XOXs**

James was nervous, and anyone with a brain would have been. Walking into a league party as a now former-thief and evil do-er was like walking into a police station after stealing an elderly woman's purse: Suicide, nerve wrecking; the emotional roller coaster was never ending, and he was feeling them all at once. He was prepared for the worst, of course, James always was, but as a natural born optimist, he was hoping for the best:

In this instance, the best would be seeing Jessie, convincing her to let him stick around, and maybe putting some of his life back in order.

It wasn't until Ash and James were standing at the entrance door, having passed through the media to arrive here, taking obligatory pictures, and walking on a red carpet that Ash finally thought to _question_ why exactly this was such a big deal to James.

"I thought you said you two weren't _being evil_ anymore?" His puzzled expression did nothing to ease the heat rising under James' shirt. Thanks to the stylist, he and Ash were both dressed decently in matching black suits with blue ties and their unorthodox hair tied back into low ponytails.

At Ash's question, however, James was astonished that he hadn't already picked up on.

"Isn't it obvious?" James questioned, mouth open while pikachu and Ash had matching expressions of concern.

"I _love_ her." He confessed, eyebrows knotted up like his stomach. Ash jerked his head forward, blinked several times and then took a few steps backwards while cocking his head to his shoulder. He wasn't sure if he heard James right, but the way the lavender haired man didn't back down from the confession assured Ash he _did_ hear him right.

"You _love her_?" Ash stammered, voice dropping low while they passed through the lobby entrance, toward the main floor of the party. "But.. I thought you were...well, you know?" Ash gestured with his hands to emphasis some deeper meaning, though it flew over James' head, who shrugged in response.

Ash paused, mouth hanging open for awhile before he nodded very slowly and smacked his lips. "You know.. Never mind... let's just fine Jessie..." Ash grumbled, avoiding the awkward conversation while he snagged James arm and led him through the massive, oak doors.

James didn't have time to question Ash further when he was pushed into the large, extravagant league hall. Unlike the many parties they broke into as Team Rocket, this one was three times larger, three times more decorated, and a thousand times more prestigious. Lights of all colors danced across the vaulted ceiling, streamers shimmered down and pokemon walked freely from the buffet table, to their trainers. At the center was the 'gathering' section; where people stood in heaps and crowd, talking about all different topics, and in a circle around them was the tables, lined with white table clothes, and red roses. _The color of love_ , what Kalos was most known for. Well, that and mega evolution.

James awe was not misplaced, Ash stared on with the same starry-eyed expression; and wondered quietly if this was what his _home region_ parties looked like. He couldn't imagine Kanto throwing something so huge for a simple _start of league_ party, Kalos used every excuse to throw a party—the Kalos queen could sneeze, and they'd probably celebrate it.

"Whoa..." Ash exclaimed, his dress shoes scuffing against the marble floors. James looked down and then up, then around the area; watching for specific maroon hair. Ash was bust admiring the plethora of buffet tables lining the walls with a growling stomach. At least here, he wouldn't be forced to eat something Misty made!

Immediate guilt followed the thought, but not enough to rob him of his hunger.

"You know..." Ash muttered, looking sideways at James. "While you're, you know, looking around... I'm going to go get something to eat." and with out a response, Ash skipped away, leaving James to his own thoughts.

Immediately, Jessie was no where to be seen. It was possible that _because_ they were 'masters' of disguise, she was dressed up to not look like herself; but James would recognize her in an instant, he always could.

Girls wore ball room gowns, A-shaped dresses, short dresses, long dresses, tall dresses; _everything_ he could think of and more. Fashion models were prepped up to look as professional and model-y as possible, and while he looked _nice_ , he was nothing compared to the complete obscurity of different male models. Some of them even wore what looked like animal pelts over their shoulders, and _extremely_ tight pants. To think the twerp thought an all white suit was too much; he must have been laughing now.

 _I think we just need a break, you know? Some time apart_. These were the last words Jessie told him before leaving him alone at Snowbelle City. After meowth parted a few days prior to continue 'being evil' James was sure that at least he and Jessie would stay together; but after a short while of working _normal_ jobs, they fell quietly into.. _not._ So much of their chemistry was built around _being bad_ they didn't know _how_ to have a normal job; at least, James didn't.

They tried a few odds and ends, Jessie picked up styling, James tried coaching, delivery, salesman, telemarketer—but each job was an unsuccessful, dead end. Jessie found her calling right away...but James, well he wasn't sure what he wanted.

As of the last week, he was a bumbling drunk mooching free drinks from any bar that would have him. As of this morning, he was a conspirator with Ash, twerpy, Ketchum, and was chasing Jessie down, thought she clearly said they needed time apart.

Maybe James didn't understand, maybe he didn't want to. Maybe, after nearly fifteen years working together, he didn't think they would ever _be apart_. Since they found each other in the pokemon academy; they thought it would be them through thick and thin—with addition of meowth, and a common goal following a pikachu around the world; his disoriented, make-believe family was complete...

And now it was just all wrong.

Ash Ketchum wasn't traveling; he was a champion, practically untouchable. Meowth was stuck in his old ways, Jessie was off somewhere else, being important and morally upright, and James was a mess. Simply a mess.

 _A mess without his family._

Somehow, he needed to put them back together; starting with Jessie. They could find meowth together later, and maybe, they could figure out what they were going to do, as a team.\

As determination filled his mind, and his thoughts cleared; her imagine came to full view. Her hair was tied back in a sophisticated bun, her hair bangs hung over her left eye; she wore a slim fitting, red and cream colored dress with a large v-dip in the back, and the typical Jessie-in-disguise glasses. Her lips were tinted ruby red, and while her appeared not to notice him; he noticed her.

Especially how happy she looked.

...James stopped his frontal assault, paused at a group of younger trainers, glaring sadly at Jessie who spoke eagerly with a set of colleagues, and James spun around, and fled. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.

 **XOX**

Ash was selfish sometimes, it was a character flaw he suffered with everyday, tried to over come by being the best he could be; by smiling through defeats, laughing through misery, and supporting his friends decisions; _all_ of their decisions.

Sometimes, he thought they didn't make sense, but he wouldn't tell them that; the same way he offered advice to May rather than telling her to suck it up. Sometimes, people needed _help_ not an ear to listen, and so long as Ash was still breathing; he would at least _always_ try to be that kind, selfless individual he was presented as.

...but sometimes it was really hard, especially when the guy in front of him kept taking all the fried wontons!

"Could you..." Ash tried, effectively brushed off by the bulkier man who didn't even acknowledge Ash's existence. "I just want.." Ash reached for one of the skewered pieces of deliciousness, but his hand met an empty plate as the meathead at his side scooped the last one off the plate and popped it into his mouth.

As frustrated as his trainer, pikachu sparked yellow electricity from his cheeks, that again, went unnoticed by brawn-for-brains, though the chuckle behind him drew him back to reality.

"Man, what is with you and May? It's like food is your own property, or something." Max's voice rang through the air, patted Ash on the shoulders, and the man openly turned to face the blue-haired trainer with a slight, oblivious grin.

"What do you mean?" Ash muttered, forgetting formalities while Max held up a plate of wontons. Ash nearly gasped, but contained his joy by shoving two into his mouth immediately.

"...How you got a girlfriend with an appetite like that is..." Max started under his breath, but thought it better not to judge Ash.

Ash devoured his _share_ of the food before washing it back with a glass of questionably red punch, and glared at Max, leaning forward. The blue-haired trainer was still a few inches shorter than Ash, and so he had to lean. "Hey—what are you doing here?"

Typically, Ash would have been excited to see his friend, but considering the opening league party was for invitees only, which was only given to a handful of highly ranked trainers and families of said trainers; Ash was clearly confused.

"Oh." Max, gestured to his _group_ behind him, Serena, Clemont and Bonnie stood in a circle beside Miette, who chatted happily with the group. Watching the three of them in their cheerful stupors left an unsettled feeling in Ash's stomach; or maybe that was the punch?

"Serena and Clemont were given an invitation; Bonnie and I were their plus one." He explained, grinning, his eyes darted around, looking for familiar red hair. "I'm assuming we already know who your plus one is?"

Ash pursed his lips, not understanding at first. Max followed with: "Is Misty here?"

Then Ash's face darkened. At least he finally managed a few minutes without thinking of the redhead.

"No, she's not." Ash said glumly, without elaborating.

Max didn't catch the cue. "Why not? This is a pretty big deal. I figured she would want to be around all the amazing trainers here."

 _Yep, just rubsalt in the wound_. Ash sighed, scratched at his scalp, pulling a few of his boyish spikes from the ponytail, and glared down at Max.

"Well she's not, okay?" Ash snapped unfairly, earning a concerned look for Max.

"Chill out, I was just wondering..." Max inquired in his defense. Still Ash made no immediate move to see his old companions; in fact, he hardly moved at all. Aside from Max, no one here recognized him—not _really_ , _not yet_ , and Ash was taking the time to enjoy that; the feeling of being small.

"Did you want to go say hi?" Max questioned, though Ash shrugged, then shook his head passively. At one time, he and Ash were close. Ash would spare older-brother wisdom and advice, and sometimes Max was able to help Ash in a rut; usually, it was the first option though. Seeing this as his time to shine, Max smiled honestly.

"Hey, are you busy in a few weeks?"

"I'm _always_ busy." he droned, sounding like an old man. His eyebrows turned upward and his shoulders slumped. On his shoulder, pikachu pat his head sympathetically while Max grinned.

"Well, if you have time, I'm entering a tournament here and it would be awesome if you could go." In many ways, Max was still the child Ash wanted to be; the fire burning in his eyes, the taciturn glimmer of hope and determination so when Ash nodded slowly, the blue-haired boy pumped his fist.

"Yes!" he mumbled, though Ash's eyebrow lowers.

"...Don't get so excited on my account." Ash chuckled watching as Max placed his hands on his chin.

"I have a lot I want to show you. I've improved a lot!"

Ash laughed, mostly to himself before rubbing Max's scalp in a brotherly fashion. "I'm sure you have."

Max exhaled. "So do you want to come see everyone now?" Gesturing towards Serena, Clemont, and Bonnie, Ash's eyes hit the floor in shame and a sigh escaped his lips. Frustratingly, he scratched at the back of his neck, then shook it side to side.

"I...it's just weird, Max." Ash blurted out, referring primarily to the dark-blonde haired female pointing off to something in the distance. The last time they met, he battled Max and Bonnie, but Serena left awkwardly. Where Ash wanted to be _normal_ it was weird, and Max missed the point.

"How so?"

Well, at least there was someone still _half_ as dense as Ash was. "I just... Serena and I, we-"

"Twerp, I can't do this." James interupted, startling Max who jumped backwards.

"It's James!" He cried and Ash slowly waved Max off with a 'shh'.

"Can't do what?" Ash questioned while the lavender haired man stared down at Max, who looked up through shining glasses.

"Oh, it's the little one again." James mocked, then turned back at Ash. "I need to leave."

Now it was Ash's turn to appear flabbergasted, shaking his head side to side and jerking backwards. Max joined in.

"What are you doing associating with _this guy_?" Max questioned to which Ash shrugged.

"It's not—don't worry— _what do you mean you have to leave_?!" Ash started with incomplete thoughts, his brain slow to the upkeep. While James stared down the bridge of his nose and turned to look back at where Jessie was standing, Ash nearly lost it. James had accomplished _nothing_ and _wanted_ to leave!? Ash gave up going to see Misty for this—seeing his _mother_.

"We are _not_ leaving. You're going to go talk to her, _now_!" Ash commanded, sounding _a bit_ like his mother when she had to order him around at a young age. Back when she used to force him into playing with other children that were particularly mean. Max's eyes bogged out, Ash's attention drew the attention of his former companions, as well as the media who suddenly realized _the champion_ arrived only moments ago.

Maybe it was because he didn't show up with a pretty _number_ attached to his arm that the rest of the world forgot his existance, but now that he made himself known, the crowd started to inch forward.

"I can't~" James whined, tugging at his collar. "It's just too complicated, I don't know what to say..."

"Anything!" Ash shouted again, and Max clued in.

"You're helping him find Jessie? Ash what's wrong with you?"

"They're just—" Ash couldn't focus with all the noise around him, Max barking at him with questions, James whining beside him; the sudden appearance of Bonnie and Clemont while Serena lingered behind them without a word.

"Stop!" Ash screamed, throwing James forward and marching along side him. "We came all the way here to talk with Jessie. We are talking with Jessie!" Ash declared, stomping through the gala loudly. His friends were left dumbstruck, though not surprised while the flash of cameras blinded them.

"But I can't! Let go!" James yelped struggling against Ash's constant, nagging push.

Pikachu, knowing this was going to end badly, jumped from Ash's shoulder and away from the two while they made their way through crowded party goers—interrupting conversations, situations, and dances. James fought him the entire way, swung his fists back and forth in his best attempt to free himself. At the final moment, when crystal blue eyes faced the duo, James shrunk backwards: the chaos began.

It started with his fist flying upward, hitting Ash in the jaw and forcing him back a few steps. Ash stumbled, and reached for safety; only safety was a table cloth, and fancy decorations—and neither were _stable_. While his footing amassed stupidity, he pulled the table cloth out, and the selection of rare crystals fell, and shattered to the ground.

Silence followed after, though James couldn't hear; his heart beat was so intense and loud in his own chest, it was the only sound he could hear. Then, concern flashed in _her_ eyes, and James spun around in retreat. Without looking—with all eyes on Ash who stared down at the destroyed art work—people were distracted; and so when James bumped the woman behind him who was wearing a vivid, white dress, and holding a glass of red wine; the ruckus started.

"Oh my god!" the young woman screamed, dropping her glass to the floor while she tried to remove the red tint from her gown. James shot up.

"I'm so sorry, let me help you!" He cried lunging for the girl, but a larger man stepped in with a swift punch. With one punch, another man jumped in.

"Hey, it was an accident!" The man screamed into the puncher's face.

"He ruined my girlfriends gown!" he bellowed back, in each others faces.

While James fumbled, and tripped backwards towards Ash; Max covered his forehead with a loud sigh, and the rest covered their mouths. Peaceful conversation ended in slightly-intoxicated insults while people took sides; though no one _actually_ knew James, there were plenty of people to rush to his defense.

Except Ash, of course, who was awestruck at the _smashed_ creation. How many thousands of dollars would this cost him? Who put a fancy work of art on a wobbly _table_?! To make it worse, James landed; though not beside Ash, he crashed into the boy who fell forward. Like last time, his hands shot out to grasp for something, and he managed a streamer.

To make things worse, as they always seemed to be, Ash prevented himself and James from landing in the pile of sharp, jagged objects, by clinging to the streamer above.

Then it popped, and they jerked down.

"James get up, up!" Ash screamed to the man who clung to his waist, crying about his bruised eye. "Up!" Ash screamed again, and luckily a confident, and loyal pikachu rushed to his side and clawed at James ankle. The man sprung forward, dragging Ash with him while the nails at the dome roof popped, and electricity and lights sparked through the party. Lights flickered, and as Ash and James looked at each other, a fight ensued between the original two men fighting behind them; followed by a brawl.

In the midst, Ash could see Max staring back at him with a pained expression, his Kalos companions looked on in horror at the sudden destruction dancing around them. A mosh pit formed at the cneter, with fists flying in all directions, and while Ash was trained on covering his face shamefully—mostly from his boss, James looked back at where Jessie was, to see that she had turned away from him. Her shoulders shook rapidly, and James looked down, sniffling like a child.

"This is the worst." James whined, though Ash didn't have it in him to disagree or _help_ James through is problem—seeing as he had so many now. The lights flickered once more, and Ash turned at James. Drunkards grunted behind them, flung their bodies in every direction and Ash threw up his arms.

"This is why I don't help you! Look what happened!" he screamed and James grimaced, rather insulted.

"Everywhere you go there really _is_ trouble!" Ash declared, breaking the final straw keeping James together, and tears flooded his eyes. His bottom lip quivered; a grown man _crying_ , and then he turned rapidly, and rocketed away from Ash who was left with a sudden shrill and intense _anger. Or guilt,_ he couldn't be sure right now.

"Wait!" Ash called to James, but was rescued from being included in the brawl by Clemont and Max, who dragged Ash backwards, away from the destroyed crystals, and to the safety near the buffet. Security guards barreled in, trying to break up the fight, but the ritzy party goers knew how to throw a brawl fight as well as any bar. The security guards simply weren't prepared.

Before his companions could get a word in edgewise, Ash's frustrated manager approached. He was an older gentleman, with beady, green eyes and dark gray hairs on top of a balding head. His face was too fat for his collar, and he almost looked strangled while he gripped Ash's shoulder and brought him down to his own level.

"What on _earth_ kind of display was that!?"

"Ow." Ash hissed, attempting to jerk away, but the fat man's fingers held on tightly.

"Do you know how much effort is going to go into covering _this_ one up, Ketchum? It's bad enough I have to defend your public displays of poor relationship choices and decisions!" He wasn't just yelling, he was _scolding_ Ash, barking out consequences, the word _lawyer_ and _duties_ several times, but Ash went numb somewhere between the manager offhandedly calling Misty a _harlot_ , and proclaiming Ash as some type of idiot.

"Enough!" Ash snapped, throwing the man backwards, save for the thunderbolt from pikachu who sparked electricity at what the man was saying. "I'm still figuring everything out, okay!? I didn't ask to be your stupid public figure!" Ash screamed in his defense, pushing the manager onto his rear end and storming off.

Chaos was already rampant in the area; cameras took pictures of anything and everything, and Ash didn't doubt this would all be connected to him again!

"Ash, hold on." His friends called to him while he stormed out of the building through the fire exit, setting off the fire alarms in the process. Ash's manager was left awestruck, but as he realized what happened, his temper tantrum resembled that of a toddler.

What could he expect, anyways? Ash was still growing up! He was _barely_ eighteen, barely considered a full-fledged adult by society standards; and if he had been in attendance of school he would only _barely_ be graduating! When was it ever a good idea to make anyone Ash's age a poster child? Maybe there was a reason champions were adults, and Ash was barely figuring that out _now_.

"Wait up!" Serena's voice penetrated his ears and he stopped with a growl to face the four of them, in their pretty, ballroom gowns.

"Did team rocket attack? Do we need to help?" Clemont asked, breathlessly and hands on his knees.

"No, apparently Ash was working with James—what's up with you, man?" Max questioned, followed by Bonnie.

"Working with them, are you evil now?" The youngest girl asked; her blue eyes filling with mirth and accusation. Mostly playful, they all knew that Ash wouldn't be _evil_ under and circumstances, but _right now_ Ash couldn't handle it. Joking or not, he felt like ripping his hair out.

"Just stop, it's nothing to worry about, I just need air, and a vacation and...maybe a few drinks." Ash winced at the last part, turning away from his companions and starting back on the path to his hotel. He had no idea where James was, and frankly, he didn't care. Hopefully causing a mess for someone else far away from here.

"Ash, we're here for you if you need to talk." Serena spoke calmly, the only one to appear modest, and understanding of his situation. Though, listening to her made him want to throw up. To make his own guilt worse, she had to be here.

"I'm fine." Ash muttered, stuffing his hands into his pockets. Pikachu looked back at his friends, with his ears lowered dramatically and then faced the darkness beyond with his trainer.

"He doesn't look so well, does he?" Serena questioned, watching his shoulders slump. They couldn't help him, at least, not unless he wanted the help, and he clearly did not. At least, _not yet_.

 **XOX**

On the main entrance, where the media and most of the crowd cleared out for the night, or peeked in through the windows, a distraught James tugged at the tie he wore and exhaled quietly. His hair fell to his shoulders, and he slumped tiredly while rubbing his temples. This was no good. Ash was right, James caused mayhem and destruction and _trouble_ everywhere he went. A never ending, chaotic tornado of accidents and mistakes was the only high light in his life, and he brought that here, to Jessie's new, fabulous life.

How was he supposed to ask her to accept him as her partner again while she looked to happy at her parties, dressed so pretty in her gowns and talking with people of worth. Unlike James, these things were new to Jessie, who grew up poor. How could he ruin that for her, by being selfish? _He couldn't_ , there was no way he could live with himself if he did.

"Well, I guess this is it then." James uttered, flicking his hair back while he stood.

James could move forward with his life. He _could_. And he would. If Ash could do it, then he could to! He just needed to take the first step and everything would fall into place. His heel shook above the marble step below, and while he tried to force his foot down, some higher power made his body freeze.

"Just one step." James ordered to himself under his breath, but his foot wouldn't lower. Beside him, the window broke as a chair flew through, breaking his concentration. He spun around to look, but then exhaled with a slump, falling back to his bum to sit on the cold steps. His head hung low, and he brushed strands of his hair from his face. He was pathetic.

"It's harder than you think it should be, isn't it?" Her prestigious, precious voice cut through the air, traces of the same, condescending tone echoing in her words while red heels appeared at his side. Then, she sat down without another word, brushed the wrinkles out of her gown and placed her gloved hands on the top of her lap and stared into the city with the same terrified, distant expression James had.

Words weren't necessary between them. Jessie knew James came back for her, and James knew Jessie was here to step on his still-beating heart, and rip it out with cold hands. Silence fluttered for a long time, listening to the shouts and cries from beyond the wooden doors, until Jessie sighed and cupped her chin with the palm of her hand.

"You know, meowth has been staying with me for a few weeks now." She admit, glancing sideways to James, whose back stiffened.

"Oh?" He mused, staring down at his hands, which were more interesting than her gaze. Shame coated his features while he thought over her words; a small implication, one that he missed. A slow smile spread across his face while Jessie winced.

"This is why meowth and I always made the plans, you know." She mocked him. "You don't think with your brain, James, you think too much with your heart."

A backhanded compliment; the only ones Jessie knew how to give while she pat him on the back. James didn't speak when he looked up at her through sad, puppy-dog green eyes.

"You could have just called, you know." she mused unpleasantly, rather pissed off that _her_ party was destroyed so mindlessly.

"Well, I _would have_ , but you never left a number."

"Please, you don't think I've noticed you coming by the store _every_ morning?" She crooned, cocking her jaw to one side. James covered his face.

With a sharp inhale, she stood up, clicked her heels and pointed down the path. "Well, let's get going then."

"But Jesssiiiiee." he whined, extending his arms to her. "I'm drunk—you'll have to carry me!"

The woman did not appear impressed while she scowled at him, eyes twitching. "Not on your life, and not in these shoes. Crawl if you have to." She ordered with such disdain and authority that James felt his heart flutter.

"I missed this." He mumbled quietly, jumping to his feet.

Unfortunately; they made a scene at the worst place possible. A flash-less camera clicked a picture of them behind a set of lined newspaper dispensers, then the reporter rose to his feet. "I found 'em, boss." The man muttered into his sleeve.

At the voice, James head spun to where the reporter was standing, but he had already vanished.

"Did you hear something."  
"Don't be paranoid; you're hearing that mess you created up there—do you know when I'll get another chance to celebrate _me_ , my _glory_?!" She growled, rubbing her hand into his hair while James chuckled worriedly. She was as vein as ever, at least.

"And what were you thinking, bringing that twerp!" She added, and James knew now this was only just the beginning of a long, harrowing scold.

...Why did he miss her again? He wondered to himself, laughing nervously while she started in on him.

 **XOX**

Delia always told Ash not use alcohol as a crutch; Ash himself should have known this because of what James was like only a few minutes ago, in his hotel room. Not only that, he had a strict rule of blurring his problems; Ash was a problem solver, he fixed things! He didn't believe in relying on other people, or things to make him feel better. Ash was the person that people _could_ rely on.

Which is primarily why he helped James in the first place.

Maybe it was the dizziness in his head after drinking a third of whatever that clear stuff was in a rush of inconsistent stress, but he couldn't think straight, and felt _really guilty_ over his reaction to James; even more so guilty over how he treated his friends. Ash was supposed to be this world's superman! A champion, a hero, _the chosen one_ , among other things, he was _awesome_. Or... he was supposed to be.

Right now he felt like the spoiled, tantrum throwing kid that he was eight years ago, and it made his chest hurt and his stomach weak. Then again, that could be the alcohol. Pikachu lead him to his room, scooped the remaining bottle from his fingers, and stashed it _far_ away from his trainer. He was delirious, and sleepy, and the ground was moving in sixteen directions. For awhile, Ash even believed the floor was moving; which made the stairs impossible, and the elevator a _joy_. Pikachu was at _his_ wits end with his trainer, and knew something had to be done; and soon.

Ash was miserable, whether he would admit it or not. Being a champion was nothing it was supposed to be, nothing he envisioned it to be; and as if matters couldn't be worse; he never saw his friends, couldn't meet new ones, and he and Misty were fighting. Pikachu curled up beside Ash who turned over on his bed, groaning about how _sick_ he felt.

"I think I went to fast." Ash grumbled, lumbering slowly from his bed to his bathroom. He collapsed beside the toilet in the same fashion James had a few hours prior, and the excursion of his insides fell out of his mouth.

This was a new low. Ash Ketchum, he who was too oblivious to know what girls were, he who was doomed to fail every league he entered, and he who was forever optimistic and determined huddled over a toilet with cold sweat. Ash Ketchum didn't wear suits; didn't attend parties; wasn't scolded for acts of valor, rather, thanked. Ash Ketchum didn't worry about girls, or even _think_ about them. Ash Ketchum didn't _feel_ guilty, because he only did what was _right_. He was Ash friggin Ketchum, and he felt like nothing.

Empty.

Then again, Ash lurched, it might have been the alcohol.

Pikachu, knowing what his trainer felt solely because of their bond wasn't sure what to do. He couldn't see Ash this way, breaking down how he was; confused at every turn. So, he did what he knew how to do best; pikachu was going to tattle.

Jumping from the floor to Ash's bed, then crawling to the nightstand, pikachu dug past a few opened letters to the phone located at the bottom of the pile, and pressed a few buttons. Misty was on Ash's most called list; right after his mother, and surprisingly May. Ash didn't call people very often; usually, he was the one on the called list.

"Hey, Ash." Misty sounded tired; again, it was probably no later than 4:00am there, and she was asleep. Pikachu knew that when he called, but calling Ash's mother was out of the question.

"Pika, pika pikachu!" The mouse squeaked, grabbing the device with his paws, and then darting to the floor to carry Misty's voice through the small room, and to Ash.

"Pikachu? Why are you calling me? Is something wrong?" She questioned loudly, her voice echoing only because the rest of the room was silent. When her words pierced Ash's ears, he thought he was going crazy, on top of everything else, and so he groaned loudly and covered his head.

"Pikachu!" The mouse squeaked, stepping on Ash's leg to hold his phone up to him. Ash stared down at the mouse, realized somewhere in his foggy mind that Misty had called, and swallowed hard.

"Oh..." Ash mumbled, taking the phone from pikachu's grasp.

"Hello?" He groaned, flushing the toilet in respect; so Misty wouldn't have to smell it. His brain couldn't comprehend that she _couldn't_ right now, though.

"Hey, are you okay? You sound sick." Misty confirmed, concern lacing her tone. Ash sniffled.

"Mmm'not sick." Ash grunted resting his head against his arms. "It was a bad night. It's been a bad week." Ash admit, words that would have never freely left his mouth had he been sober. "And I miss you, and mom, and kanto—and you know what, I even miss losing in leagues, and getting my ass kicked by little newbie trainers." his words muddled and blurred together while he wiped his mouth on his coat sleeve. Pikachu watched helplessly while he spilled his guts and Misty couldn't form words—or, she might have been, but Ash couldn't steady the phone in his hand, so anything she said sounded like quiet static.

"And don't get me started on champion responsibilities. You know. I never felt old until now. Its like I'm living someone elses life that isn't mine." Ash grumbled, hiccuping; though Misty barely made any of what he said out. In _his_ mind, he was speaking clear, concise words; but what Misty heard was close to the same expression of a wabbufet.

"Ash... Calm down, can you-"

"I _looooove_ you." He whined, throwing himself backwards to where he was laying flat against the white tile. "And it's weird, because I _shouldn't_ love you. I mean, we hardly saw each other for the last four years, I mean _we hardly know each other_ , you know!"

Ash might have sounded chipper, but Misty's reaction wasn't. She growled from her side of the phone. He could hear her sitting up, shifting under covers of her bed and knew that she was more than likely pinching the bridge of her nose.

"Are you drunk?" She questioned, worry and rage mixed in her tone and Ash scoffed.

" _No_." he denied, paused, watched the ceiling light spin uncontrollably, and then nodded. "... _maybe_. Just a little."

"Pika!" The mouse declared, pacing around Ash's head while the trainer hiccuped,

"Ash... what in the world did you and James get into? Is he still with you?"  
"Nah, he ran off after Jessie somewhere. He seemed okay when I saw him last." Ash murmured, turning over onto his side, and pulling on his suit to warm his cold body. "I saw Serena today; too." Ash hummed, though Misty sighed; she knew she wasn't going to get anything out of him right now.

"...I don't want us to be like what we were." He grunted, referring to how he and Serena broke up. "I want you to be my date to a tournament in a few weeks and I want to keep _trying._ I think we're better when we're making each other miserable. I wouldn't know how else to act if it wasn't for..." Ash added with a slurred tone while turning over to look at a seated, hopeless pikachu.

Misty wasn't even sure what to say. Anything she _did_ say, fell onto deaf ears. Ash was three sheets to the wind, and she was more worried about him than anything.

"Ash..." She exhaled. "Why are you drinking?"

"M'not happy, Mist." He mumbled coherently enough to convey the injustice he was feeling since settling in the Kalos region. That was right, _Ash Ketchum_ settled. However, a certain redhead wouldn't understand it that way.

"You're not happy _?"_ Misty echoed, a bit upset while Ash nodded, before realizing Misty wouldn't see him nodding.

"Everything is just too complicated and _busy_. Soo busy." Ash hummed, feeling sleep tug at his eyes.

"You're drunk...and tired, god, Ash, what are you doing? You shouldn't be acting like this!" She attempted to scold him, taking his words with a grain of salt, though Ash breathed. Why would he call her so late _drunk_ and on the phone? Then she realized it was pikachu who called her after all, even the mouse was worried about him.

"When is this tournament?" Misty finally cracked, causing a roar of pleasant elation from Ash's throat.

"In a few weeks; Max will let me kn—Does that mean you'll come see me?"

"Yes." Misty said flatly.

"Yaaaaaaay~" Ash sprung forward, throwing out his arms in every direction. "Oh, can you bring some rice balls? Oh, and maybe stop in Pallet Town to grab some of my mom's cooking? Oh, and some of those-"

Misty inhaled, and stopped him with a 'shh'. "Ash, if you miss Kanto so much, why don't you come home?"

Ash paused, thoughtfully in his drunken stupor, he answered the only way that he knew how. "Because I'm champion. Champions are supposed to stay with their region; I dunno if Kanto will ever be home again..."

She wasn't sure if there was sadness in his voice; she had no idea he felt that way, and so she exhaled and rubbed her scalp.

"Ash..."

"Misty, can I ask you a question?"

"What?" She stammered quickly, bracing herself for the drunken stupor of her boyfriend.

"Do you ever think about me in that special, forever way?"

"...err... the what kind of way?"

"You know, when a mother loves a father."

Her eyebrows lowered quickly, uncertain of what he was asking, her fingers knotted below her covers. "...Are you implying sex?"

Even a drunk Ash knew those three letter words; so when he rocketed forward, smashed his forehead against the lip of the toilet seat and broke into a train of obscenities, Misty's face turned bright red.

"No!" Ash grimaced, "In the _other way_!"

"...What other way!?" Misty gasped, clearly embarrassed. "Ash, I can't talk to you like this! Call me when you're sober tomorrow morning!" She yelped, clicking the end call button before he could get another word in edgewise.

Gaping at his phone, he thought to call her back, pester her until she answered him, then talk to her until sleep stole his attention and mind; but some nagging feeling at the back of his head kept his hands from pressing the buttons; or maybe it was because looking at the words made his stomach queasy all over again.

 _The special way_ , Ash thought; the same way Jessie and James had a relationship. Always together, no matter how far. Ash wasn't there to see how the situation ended, but for some, odd reason, he knew Jessie and James would make it more than he had faith in his _own_ situation. Their bond was unbreakable, _perfectly_ imperfect, and Ash wondered if other people could share the same feeling. When James marched into his life, though the moment was fleeting, he felt something tug at him, something he was missing. In fact, maybe it was something he wasn't accepting. James seemed to understand and know what he wanted, but then chickened out at the last minute.

Why? Because he thought he was doing Jessie a favor. _Staying away_. In a lot of ways, Ash related to that feeling. A part of him felt like his relationship was pulling at all stressful cords of his life, and tightening them until he sunk. If it wasn't the league, or work, or pokemon... it was her. He loved Misty, he truly did, but...

"Pikachu... I need some water." Ash groaned, rolling backwards to crawl to his bed. _Maybe_ it was just the alcohol talking.

 **Author's Note** :

This the first 'combo' chapter, where two POV's are shared: Ash and James. We will see a bit more of Jessie and James, and they play an important role in the final part of this story.

I have two shout-out reviews who left anon reviews (I can't reply to them personally, so...):

to: "Gary was here" and "Juan"

I can confirm that I won't break your heart, I promise.

I can also confirm that Gary was here, Ash is a loser was hilarious. Thank you. XD

More importantly, I wanted to say thank you to everyone who has been reviewing. I appreciate the time that you put into it a whole bunch~ I love to hear your thoughts (;

A few days ago I was really happy because I found while looking through my files the outline for this damn story again, as well as what is considered endgame -so happy-. I thought I misplaced it forever in incorrect title hell, but I found it.

I found it. -cries tears of joy-

Also, it's refreshing writing for Equanimity because the chapters aren't as long as Locked Away.

Until next time,

NINT


	16. Chapter 16: Gary

**Equanimity, Chapter 16**

Gary was a simple man, he had simple hobbies, a well paying, easy job, and the looks that made most girls swoon-N _early_ every girl he ever met swoon. Except for one.

Maybe it was simply because he _knew_ that he couldn't have her that his heart pattered mercilessly when he saw the bob of her red hair glow under the morning sun, or the fact that he still had a budding rivalry with his childhood best friend that created a sort of unprecedented desire to be _better_ than him at everything. Such things included being a better _boyfriend_.

However, what it was more than likely, was the way she carried herself. The way her shoulders seemed always an inch too high, the way that her smile twisted on her lips, and reached her eyes with passion and fury. Perhaps it was the way she spoke, with bleeding confidence verging on egotistic, but her humble nature and willingness to help other people negated the narcissism. Maybe it was because she was the leading, primary example of how Gary wanted to act, but had no clue how to get there.

Kind, motherly, emotionally stable and...

He had to watch that slowly fade after she started dating the Kalos regional champion: Ash Ketchum. At first, it wasn't noticeable, small inflections here and there, a change in her demeanor, the chip on her shoulder shrinking several sizes; _normal things_ that changed when entering a relationship with someone. Then, the fire in her eyes started to fade, the confidence in her voice wavered, and the passion she held for people passed, and she was left angry and upset again.

Like she was when she was a kid.

As much as love was the game, they were still both so bad for each other. It was awful knowing Ash had so much control over the powerful Cerulean City gym leader, but it was also natural by society standards. She came between a _star couple_ , and she was paying the price repeatedly. Her stubborn nature refused to tell Ash about the collateral damages she was facing on a weekly basis. The Waterflower's, her sisters mainly, already had a reputation for being man eaters, now that Misty was making a _name_ for herself, it was only a matter of time before the league was involved.

Luckily, Gary was there to pick up the pieces.

Not Ash, not Brock or Tracey; but _Gary_.

He showed up like a knight in shining armor and she barely noticed.

Why was it that the good ones always missed the hard working ones? Was it because Gary was technically off limits since he was Ash's oldest friend and rival? Truthfully, Gary never _had_ a chance with one Misty Waterflower because since the day he first met her, she only ever had eyes for the raven-haired boy that treated her less like a woman, and more like an object!

 _Why!?_

Gary loved Ash like his own brother, there was no denying that sentimentality, but how they acted as a couple was destroying Misty but they were both blind to it. There was no telling the effects it was having on Ash—two thousand miles away. Long distance relationships weren't easy, and neither one of them were doing a very good job at keeping the relationship stable. Ash text him for advice, and Gary had to nearly break his phone on account from really his own answer being " _pay attention to her."_

Making _time_ for her, give her something to look _forward_ to. Don't call her when it's convenient, or when jealous—call her out of the blue, when she hasn't said anything. Half the stability of a relationship was learning to give up a part of ones self to better accommodate for the other. It wasn't about giving up one's self worth and personality, but learning to work together as one.

Misty had the devotion part complete, but if Ash never gave back, her efforts were fruitless—and would eventually turn into resentment. She was already partially there, whether she admit it or not. Ash and Misty's relationship from an outsider's view was _already_ on rocky ground, given their long absence from one another. They hardly knew who each other were anymore, they weren't _kids_ anymore, and for Mew's sake, they tried to pick up where they left off.

...Only, it's impossible to pick up, if they never had a grounded relationship in the first place.

How could Gary, the playboy heart breaker see that, but two _normal_ people., madly in love with one another couldn't?

...Love wasn't enough.

Even Gary knew that.

So, while Gary plunged his hands into his pocket at the entrance of the gym, watching an unknowing Misty sort through her morning activities, he bit his tongue to stop himself from speaking. They needed to figure it out on their own, and Gary refused to influence either one of the. Ash was his _brother_ , and Misty was his friend. He was not going to dampen either of their spirits.

"Hey, Waterflower." Gary mused, stepping into the gym after the previous days fiasco. He wasn't even out of the city yet when Misty called him back for a favor.

She was wearing her normal cerulean blues. A swimsuit beneath a red vest and yellow shorts.

"Gary!" She exclaimed, her tone much brighter than it was a few weeks ago. "You're back! Thanks." Misty latched onto him, her nails digging into his forearms while she pointed to the door he just walked in from.

"I set up an appointment with the league officials in town already. I've mentioned that you'll talk with them, but it's a private session so I need you to tell them _good things_ about me." Her pokemon training, her feats as a gym leader—practically bringing Cerulean City back from the brink of destruction; the several times she stood in for officials and rallied at tournaments. He had the list, but she slipped him another one while leading him outside.

"Okay...but how does this fix the problem with the fangirls?" Gary asked, raising eyebrows while Misty pursed her lips.

"I'm going to start more actively being social, which means interviews and stuff like that—I figure if I can get my story out, people will stop blaming me for the whole thing—more importantly, I don't have to bother Ash about it."

Gary's brows knit together, realizing that she was still missing the point. "Don't you think this is something you should work together on?" slipped out and he feared he would be crucified on the spot.

Misty scoffed, and Gary wanted to sigh.

"Pfft, now way. Ash would only make it worse. He's terrible in a tight spot."

Gary's look faltered while she pulled on her hoodie to leave the gym and he sighed at her back.

"Have you told Ash I'm helping you yet?"

"..uh, no. But I will—eventually." She hummed and Gary felt the slow immersion of dread build up at the back of his throat, as well as the familiar crack of his chin where their last encounter over the redhead left them.

Hopefully, Ash wouldn't know.

 **XOX**

Gary didn't mean to stay in Cerulean City for a week, it just _sort of happened_.

Damage control under her circumstances became a lot like going to the dentist with a mouth full of cavities. Everything was a slow, painful rip. Or several fillings; starting with sucking up to the league officials. Gary promised to _keep an eye_ , his opinion only valid because of Professor Oak's authoritative presence in the league's council. Gary himself was becoming decently known for his research uncovering legendary pokemon, but his authority didn't touch official business.

However, they did promise to hear her side of the story a bit more clearly, if she could keep her name from being spread negatively anymore.

Misty didn't complain about the results. It was better than the dismissal or suspension she was looking at before. The gym leader preferred being observed over not having a job anymore.

To prove her point and dedication, she and Gary attended seveal trainer rallies together, one in Cerulean City, and another in Saffron City to display her unwavering loyalty, and to fight back the press.

" _My relationship doesn't define me. I'm still the same gym leader I was a year ago, today. If anything, I've only gotten better. The media will construe nonsense for readers, it's a fact I just have to deal with knowing my own truths will eventually outshine the ugly lies._ " was her leading statement at conferences and with camera crews. Followed by the quick, and cold dismissal of all questions and accusations associated with her relationship and personal life. She was a professional, after all, she didn't have time for anything else.

In a week, she returned mostly to her pre-Ash ways, the media was still scorning her, but she handled it with a certain finesse that intimidated most people. While Gary was proud of her, she was _still_ missing the point. They missed a balance, and in the week cleaning up her reputation, she had forgotten to call and inform Ash of anything going on; ignored him when she needed the most help, and tried to sort everything out on her own, even though she was clearly not on her own anymore.

"I think we did an excellent job!" Misty chirped from across the gym kitchen, toasting with Daisy sitting at the far end of the table and Gary staring out into space with his eyebrows knit together.

"With the wedding or the gym?" Daisy asked, her reading glasses sitting at the end of her nose while her face screwed up. "Because the wedding is coming up fast, and we haven't even taken pictures for invitations! I don't even have the seating arrangement done, and god knows if our parents are going to show up-"

"Relax," Misty waved, interrupting her sister while she bit down on a pint sized donuts. "Tracey is just busy with some research at Oak's lab, but I'm sure once he's finished everything will go smoothy. Besides, if the booking for the venue falls through, we can just hold it here at the gym."

"I don't want my wedding to be in a pokemon gym!" Daisy shrieked and Misty sighed while Gary's dark eyes danced over to her pale, stressed features.

She was losing weight, running the gym solo while Lily and Violet took vacations to find their significant others _-their true love—_ they wanted dates for Daisy's wedding, because Misty and Daisy clearly had their own, and they didn't want to be the third wheel.

Gary knew something about being a third wheel, and that didn't involve leaving their baby sister with all the set up of a _huge_ wedding, and running of a gym. Cerulean City had two major pools, and several tanks for holding pokemon—not to mention the constant, daily cleaning of the main room to keep the floors clean. Misty sometimes worked from dusk until dawn, and then spent the hours after that sorting out Daisy's wedding, because the blonde was _too stressed_ to do it herself. Misty planned the location, bought the dress, organized the flowers, dealt with the caterer, planned the decorations, and was now dealing with pictures, DJs and whatever else was involved in a wedding. On her own.

Regardless of what Gary thought, she was a powerful woman, misdirected, but powerful.

"I.. I can't do this right now. I need some air, could you, Misty?" Daisy practically threw herself out of her chair in her run to the kitchen door, taking the jacket hung on the hook and abandoning Misty with a surprised expression.

They both listened for a while, until Daisy's feel clomped down the distance of the gym during closed hours, and slammed shut with the jingle of a distant bell.

"That was..." Gary started, eyes drifting back to Misty who nonchalantly took the abandoned notebook and started putting names and information together.

"What are you doing?" Was he insulted on her behalf? For allowing Daisy to allow her to assume control so easily, or was he more disturbed that she assumed responsibility so naturally.

"...the seating chart? Do you think we should sit parents with other parents?" Misty questioned and Gary shook his head.

"Why do you do this?"

"Do what?" Misty asked innocently, brushing her bangs from her face. Gary's face screwed up, a dark sarcasm coating his eyes.

"Touch yourself at night?—no, take over for her when it's her wedding. Let her plan it."

Misty stared at him, awestruck for a moment, then her brows lowered. "Yeah, but I'm better at it, besides, it's my job as her sister to do this kind of stuff."

"What about the gym? You're understaffed. You're easily doing the job of four people."

"I put the other workers on vacation so the extra money could pay for Daisy's wedding."

"And you're okay with this?"

" _Yeah_ , it's just money and time, Gary. I'd much rather see my sister happy on her one big day." Misty huffed, tired of Gary's forever-better-than-thou persona. "Maybe if you'd get your selfish head out of your ass you could see a bit more clearly."

"Hey, I just bailed you out." he grumbled, insulted by being called selfish! He was _not_ being selfish, he was the least selfish person he knew, as of late!

"Why?" Misty questioned, "Because you really wanted to help me, or because you wanted to stick it to Ash? Maybe it's even because you wanted to retain some realm of superiority. Either way, they were selfish reasons, and you and I both know it." Misty gestured between them, and then looked back down to her papers and clucked her tongue.

"...not that I'm not grateful, I am, it's just, you don't have to lie to me about why you do this."

Gary's stomach twisted inside and he hunched over the table to glare at her.

"Little late do say you're grateful for it, after calling my coming out here selfish."

Misty exhaled, and looked at him expectantly. "Yes, because you came _all the way_ from Johto because we're such _good_ friends."

"God, where do you get off acting like such a bitch all of a sudden?"

"Excuse me?" She blinked, sitting back, completely unaware by how bitchy she sounded.

"You finally got a boyfriend, which does nothing but wear you down, and you think you're better than everyone else?" at his accusation, Misty slammed her folder onto the table and glared up at Gary.

"Then why _did_ you come here?"

"I was worried, obviously! Someone has to be!" his proclamation was loud, rattling the glasses on the table while he sat back and folded his arms. Misty looked down quickly, ashamed of how she was acting and cracked her neck.

"Sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I'm just stressed out is all."

"I know. Which is why I'm here." He paused, shaking his head. "And before you accuse me of chasing _tail_ , I could never do that to Ash, even _I_ have standards."

"I know. I'm sorry, I don't know what's gotten into me." her eyes flicked up to meet his, cerulean green with a hint of overwhelming sadness in them while she scratched off another name to place it somewhere else on the seating chart. Eventually, a long sigh left her lips and she leaned back, distressed.

"I don't know what I'm going to do, honestly. Some days I'm so wound up I think my head might just pop off. Then when he's around, things are so good for _a little_ while _..._ "

Gary's ears perked up at her soft tone, the infliction in her voice presented a vulnerability she never had and she looked beaten.

"I just feel like we're moving in completely different directions. Getting together didn't _change_ that, we're just as...separated as we were before and it's just...we're so different now and who we were aren't..." She looked up, and Gary saw the disdain in her eyes—seeing Gary made thins complicated, because Gary was _Ash's_ friend, not hers. Everyone she knew outside of some close relatives knew Ash, and were _Ash's friends_ before hers.

"I didn't think it was going to be this hard." She admit, exhaling quietly and then shaking her head. The pen slipped from her fingers, rolling down the table and hitting the floor with a heavy thud. "...things are just so complicated now."

Gary wasn't sure what to tell her. He couldn't tell her it would be alright, the pure, negative energy pouring from every orifice on her body prevented his lips from moving and so he nodded quietly, and let her scoop together her thoughts, and tidy up her sisters sloppy seating arrangement.

Eventually, Gary set his mug on the table, in preparation to excuse himself.

"...You were right, they were selfish reasons." Gary announced while he stood up. "I could lie and say they weren't, but really..." he nodded his head to one side quietly, recalling his weird acts of heroism.

"Maybe I just wanted to show you what you could have had."

Misty nodded very slowly, refusing to look up at him, and he could see the anger ticking in he eyelids. Gary knew what he had to say wouldn't _change_ her mind, but at some level, he felt happy that he was still able to get under her skin in some way.

"Anyways, I'm off to Johto now. Let me know how things work out." He waved at Misty, who nearly cracked her pen in half while he walked the long distance of the gym in complete silence.

For awhile, he expected her to run after him to give him an earful, to thank him for the millionth time that week for helping her out; maybe even calling him out on his disdain and resentment for the situation their beloved teenage hormones were dragging them into. When he finally reached the exit door undisturbed by the pretty redhead, and the ringer above him indicated he was exiting the building, Gary reminded himself how far that ship had sailed.

She only had eyes for _him._

 **XOX**

Getting his mind off of Misty and Ash was no easy task. He flew to Ecruteak City only minutes after leaving the Cerulean City gym, and the angry messages left from Ash over the next week didn't lessen the disturbance.

 _"You're lucky I'm not there, or I'd kick your ass!"_ Ash had text him over his most recent discovery of Gary having spent a week in Cerulean City.

Ash's first text was then immediately followed with: " _I'm joking, I wouldn't do that. I know you were only helping. Thank you for being there...but I'm still pissed. Was she doing okay?"_

Followed by: " _But seriously, you didn't try anything, right?_ "

Followed by: _"Why aren't you answering meeee? She seemed upset, was everything okay? Why did she need you to vouch for her? She won't tell me. :("_

Gary didn't have the gumption to reply to Ash right away, he had business to attend to, legendary pokemon to research, mountains to climb and hills to discover. Besides, Ash should have known by now how to react to Misty. He couldn't depend on other people to keep his relationship stable for the rest of his life.

Yet, there was only so many messages Gary could take, literally, Ash was going to rack up his international texting fees, and he didn't have the money to pay for them right now. Not everyone was a champion, after all!

" _If you have so much time to text me, maybe you should spend some more time with her?_ " Was Gary's simple solution that received no snark reply. Good, because Gary didn't have it in him right now to form angry words, and he was drained of sarcastic valor.

Gary Oak was a smart man, smarter than most people ever gave him credit for—and he _knew_ he wasn't _in love_ with Misty. She was just the first person to treat _him_ like a person instead of like an idol, or like Professor Oak's grandson. Next to Ash, Misty was really his only friend; a weird relationship at the very least, but time changed him and made him better. Time made everyone better.

Eventually, around midnight Ash replied, and wondered when exactly they were on normal, friendly terms. Was it Johto six years ago? When he and Ash worked together before their final match as rivals?

" _Thank you"_. Was Ash's reply to Gary's advice—advice that _should_ have been common knowledge, but given Ash's little knowledge of human nature and girls in general, he would be lucky if he lost his virginity before he was forty! Poor Misty, Ash probably didn't even know what intimacy was at this rate!

Gary groaned and rubbed his temples with his fingers. While researching some religious artifacts connected to the legendary pokemon of the famous city, a phoenix said to make wishes come true, he wondered how pathetic his life had become to be thinking about someone else as a couple, when he should have been focusing on himself the last couple of weeks.

Honestly, Gary had been doing anything possible to stay out of Pallet Town, and away from Professor Oak's laboratory. He didn't want to return until he had something of value to show his grandfather. Since they were kids, professor Oak seemed more like the grandfather to Ash than to Gary, and maybe a little bit of Gary's spite came from that. What little boy wouldn't be angry with their own grandfather for picking favorites, when _his own blood_ was not the favored?

Gary felt a chill run up his spine from the wind blowing in from the window, and he pushed off his blankets to close them. Everything was easier for Ash, even when he didn't deserve what he had, he always had the happy ending. First with Misty, then the championship, and whenever _he_ wanted to find a legendary pokemon, they practically fell in his lap.

Gary actually had to friggin look for them.

 _"Why don't you just travel with Ash? He's a legendary pokemon magnet."_ Dawn suggested to him at their last meeting, and he felt his skin crawl while digging his nails into the wooden window sill.

Beside his deeply embedded rivalry with Ash, it was mostly because Gary was stubborn and relentless. He wanted his feats to be _his_ feats, not to be overshadowed by Ash who _would_ steal the show. The Kalos Regional Champion was a saint in the pokemon training world, he was well known through most regions even _before_ he became a champion and they were ridiculous shoes to fill. Since when did it become like that? Gary chasing Ash, whereas Ash used to chase him. How he might had fallen.

Recalling the time he wrote on the Cerulean City sign, Gary scratched at his hair and slammed his forehead against the window in his best attempt to repress memories.

This was stupid!

Gary mother flippin' Oak didn't have problems!

"Get over yourself, Oak." He told himself, waving his cares off with a swish of his hand, and putting his favorable mask up for no one other than himself before crashing back into bed.

He was going to get a long night sleep, put this whole thing behind him, and find that frickin' legendary before the summer was over. Only then would he be able to face his grandfather as an accomplished enough researcher to walk in the old man's foot steps.

Actually, he wouldn't sleep.

Gary sat up swiftly, clicking on the light beside his bed and gleaming light into his otherwise empty sleeping chambers and grabbed his notes journal and started scribbling.

Even if Gary lacked in the luck category, he was at the very least efficient.

 **Author's Note** :

-shows up-

-leaves this here-

Hi guys! How's it goin!?

Also, I stopped doing the 'week' thing, only because it was putting a dampener on my writing. That gives me the ability to write in timeskips and etc. I'll put them in periodically though!

I felt like it was also important to have a little outsiders perspective on Misty; since up until this point she has been seen as ooglie eyed for Ash (and what happened to her after that last chapter)—but I wanted to show that she was still working, moving forward and doing her own thing; everything has just been kind of messy as well, though.

Also, I needed to fit the Gary chapter in here so his feelings are expressed, otherwise, the next chapter is going to...WELL, don't lynch me.


	17. Chapter 17: Dawn

**Equanimity Chapter 17: week twelve**

 _Laughter_ was the best medicine in a crisis. At the core of a human's heart, of a pokemon's heart, there was joy, and happiness. _Laughter_ was the key to that euphoric feeling.

Unfortunately for Dawn, her laughter was soaked up from the rain, a seemingly light drizzle turned full rain storm in under ten minutes. On the other side of the world from Ash, a million miles away, Dawn's blue hair was wet, stuck to her pale skin, and her dress for the next contest was ruined in her bag. Not to mention her _new_ outfit! She spent the last two days working out the kinks behind wearing a skirt and jeans, _now_ she felt like a wet dog in the middle of a rapid, summer heat!

Upon kicking open the doors to the nearest pokemon center, Dawn ripped the plastic bag she had been using as a make-shift umbrella away from her head, and threw it onto the ground in a proud, dignified, and possible uppity portrayal of dismissal. Stupid rain! Stupid plastic bag! Stupid Johto Region! What was she thinking coming back here? The weather was as unpredictable as Ash when Misty was mentioned!

"Ugghh" The coordinator roared from tired lips while she brushed droplets of rain water from her face. Around her, many people watched her with a curious expression. Her attire was ruined, from her tan light jacket and blue hoodie, to her pink skirt and blue jeans. Worst of all, they looked at her with expectation; that she _should have known_ a storm was coming.

"What are you lookin' at!?" She shrieked loudly, jarring the audiences' attention back to their pokemon and conversations prior to her arrival. While the familiar chattering of the groups around her mumbled on about pointless things, Dawn rung out her hair, and tugged off her poorly-chosen tan jacket, and started on her hoodie when a familiar, narcissistic tone penetrated her tired ears.

"You know, if you scream a little bit louder next time, someone might actually wonder if you're on drugs." Gary's voice, and his annoying, always-gelled hair approached Dawn quietly, with his hands stuffed deep into his white lab coat. Where his grandfather was a lovely poet, Gary was a ruggishly handsome, researcher in training.

"A hello would suffice." Dawn whined, a sigh escaping her lips while she waved him over to the seat she collapsed onto. He remained standing and tilted his head one direction at her, then grimaced.

"I knew you came to Johto recently, but, huh, what's with the uh..." he gestured to her mismatched outfit, and Dawn rubbed her temples. Her patience was thin, but never too thin to lash out at people.

"I was in _the middle_ of trying out something new when this freak rain storm hit."

A smirk played over Gary's lips, "You mean the 'sudden' rainstorm that has been brewing overhead for the last eight hours?" Not even Gary could let her lack of observation slip, could he?

She pursed her lips.

"Well," She scoffed, licking her lips while she brushed an amount of hair from her forehead. "I didn't think it was _actually_ going to rain."

"Uh-huh." Gary chuckled, handing her a towel that he had slung under his arm and taking a seat beside her, careful not to be touched by her wet clothes. "The same way you wouldn't expect the sun to rise after it's set?" He smiled, and Dawn glared daggers at him.

"Leave the poetry to your grandfather." She quipped, drying her face and leaning back in the cushion chair. Scowling, and then shrugging, Gary crossed his legs.

"How are festivals in Johto treating you? Have you worked out some of your problems?"Dawn froze at his quesiton.

She had been in Johto for a little over a month now, and had only entered into one contest. Mostly because she was trying to find her footing—entering contests she hadn't entered before, and attempting to earn a spot in the advanced tournament with perfect results. If she won three consecutive matches with perfect marks, _maybe_ she could be bumped from the average competitions, into the advanced matches. Her face screwed up in thought.

"Well, sort of. I've been trying to focus on myself, you know?"

"Is that why you haven't been in any contests?"

A puzzled look encapsulated Dawn's expression. "Are you keeping tabs on me, now?" She questioned, and Gary gawked, and choked on his own spit.

"Wha-? No way. I just, well, I pay attention to the battle network." He insisted, brushing his hair from his face in that way he did when he was flustered. A trait that he and Drew both shared. Perhaps it was a pretty boy thing? A perfectly trimmed, blue eyebrow quirked.

"Well, what about you? Weren't you in Cerulean City the other day trying to steal my best friend's girlfriend, or something?" She had him on the ropes, and a small tickle formed in her chest were humor threatened to pour out.

"I wasn't trying to-!" Gary's head whipped around to face her, cheeks flushed. "Now who's keeping tabs on people?"

Dawn reeled backwards, crossing her arms confidently. " _I_ happen to hear all about the news with Misty in it, all this talk about trying to reclaim her title and break away from the home-wrecker stereo type _and_ apply for an Elite Four position is something that _doesn't_ fall on deaf ears, you know. Contest girls have to talk about something."

She was so forthcoming, so earnest and snippy Gary felt his insides cringe, and his eye twitch. Of course it was _gossip_ Dawn heard. She was the queen of gossip, if he ever saw one. If there was something to be known, she was the one to ask. Her fingers were always dipped in the melting pot; the problem was that she was never in it herself!

Gary's lips pursed.

"So, I helped her out. I pray there's no news going around about _us_." He winced. A glimmer of mischievousness slant into Dawn's eye, and she grinned at him.

"Oh, but there is."

Gary groaned and fell backwards in his chair. Of course, that was his luck. He could only imagine what hell this was causing for Ash; more so what horrible, anxious jealousy Misty was being burdened with by his impractically immature childhood friend. Hopefully, his _visit_ to the youngest Waterflower remained unknown to the Kalos Regional Champion. Save him from the trouble of being punched again upon their next meeting.

Having read his thoughts, Dawn kicked up a wet knee over her other, and let her chin fall into her palm.

"Fancy seeing you here, anyways." She announced. "Don't you think it's strange we keep running into each other?" She added, and Gary sat back.

"Not really." Glad to have a conversational switch, he relaxed. "This is Ecruteak City, I was excavating some old ruins at the north west part of town when the storm rolled in." He brushed his hand under his chin, seemingly smarter than he actually was.

"Trying to uncover the mystery of the phoenix pokemon." He added, sounding a lot cooler than the job really was.

"So, you've been looking for fossilized dung and playing in the dirt?" She grinned, knowing the comment would burrow beneath his skin. Like so, Gary nearly jumped forward, out of his seat. Like Ash, he hated his feats being stepped on so candidly, and so when he glowered at Dawn she pat him on the shoulder gently.

"I'm sorry, I'm just exhausted. It's been quite the walk from Violet City." Under her palm, Gary relaxed and narrowed his eyes at her.

"You're traveling town to town, but not entering contests?"  
Dawn shrugged. "Mmm, no, I'm waiting to compete in the best ones, I want to join the advanced contests."

Gary scoffed. "But you're not a top coordinator."  
"No, but I will be after the Hoenn Grand festival in a few months." She mused. "More than likely, if I can compete in perfect competitions, I can join early."

Gary grimanced. "That's pretty ambitious."

"What can I say, I'm a risk taker?" She grinned and Gary smoothed the fabric of his coat. It was an off handed comment, but one that synced the pupils of their eyes together, and a gentle hum crossed between them.

"Well, Miss Risk Taker, we should get you cleaned up before you catch a cold."

"Pssh." Dawn breathed, blowing a strand of drying hair from her face. "I would kill for a shower."

Gary nodded, though knew she wouldn't have to _kill_ as they made their way to the back lobby, past the crowd of people who waited for the storm to pass. At the room across from there, a bewildered, and over-worked Nurse Joy plucked at her pink hair with an exasperated sigh when Gary and Dawn approached her.

"Hey, Nurse Joy." Gary greeted her with the calm nature of a truly-born gentlemen, unlike his normal candor. "We were wondering if you had anymore available rooms for the night?"

A look of displeasure crossed her features. "No, I'm all booked up. You'll have to find room somewhere in the lobby... I'm sorry." She whined, rushing by them to a group of younger trainers who were trying to light something on fire.

Having rushed passed them so quickly, she didn't see the look of fear, mixed with an overly high pitched panic that formed in the back of Dawn's mind, and she cracked her neck to look at Gary, who was seemingly as concerned as she was. Not for himself, he was fine sleeping on a couch, but for Dawn, who, without a shower, was likely to lose her mind.

"Maybe there's a-."

"Dawn? ...Gary?"

 _Man,_ she was popular today. "What?" Dawn cracked, looking over her shoulder where she saw Drew standing with his hands in his pockets, and an abnormal lack of brunette bouncing beside him. That same, better-than-thou grin on his face while he looked at her predicament. Her attention was elsewhere, however.

"Where's May?"

The mellow, hurt expression that returned her question offered up a night full of conversation.

 **XOX**

After the night was over, and stories of recent adventures; or lack there of, were shared between the three of them, Gary and Dawn shared Drew's room; and by that, Dawn slept in the bed, and the two boys shared the cold, hard ground.

It was fate, no, _destiny_ that she would meet them both here. Drew, who was a top coordinator, the perfect person to appeal to the league coordinators to let her into the advanced tournaments, and the grandson of the renown Professor Oak! With their influence, she had the perfect sponsors for her next match; a match that would launch her into stardom! This was the break she needed, now, she only needed to act on it, and victory was within her grasp.

"So May's taking a break?" Dawn asked while Drew fidgeted in his black pants.

"Yeah, she is staying with her parents right now." Drew explained that morning while Gary was out, grabbing a coffee. For himself. Before he got even _more_ cranky. The man was impossible to be around in the morning.

"Tough break." Dawn muttered, adjusting her vest, and smoothing out her pink skirt that ended at the middle of her thighs. She wore stockings beneath that, matched with a pair of pink and black hiking boots that resolved the chic look, into that of a punk-style. "That's a shame, I was really looking forward to battling her in the festival..." She sighed, to which Drew nodded silently.

"She's a great battler." He announced. "I don't know why _she_ doesn't see that."

"Because girls are crazy." Dawn announced happily, cracking a girl-ish grin that petrified Drew where he sat.

"I really have to stop running into people I know." He said rubbing his temples. "I mean, what were the chances?

"Well, considering this is where the next advanced tournament will be held...it's not that uncommon." Dawn replied while pulling over a white toque. Drew gave her a _look_ , something between questioning her motives, and a glare.

"You're not _in_ the advanced competitions."

"Not yet." Dawn sang happily, spinning to the desk at the corner of the room, grinning wildly. "I figure if you and Gary put in a good word or two..."

"No." Drew snapped. "You can't just get _around_ the rules. You have to be a top coordinator." A side of Drew that Dawn never met before, one that May told her about before surfaced. He was posh, and unpleasant, and sometimes down-right mean and uppity, a heartless being who only cared about perfection, something that made her equally as upset. Clearly, Drew was a better person with May around.

"What? I'm not _going around the rules_ I'm just-"

"Trying to cheat the system? What, do you think if you do a few perfect contests and put on a good face they will over look your missing title? That's not how it works, _Dawn_ , that's not fair to the rest of us that have earned it."

Dawn reeled backwards, "I _earned_ it." She snapped. And she had! How many times had she been second place? Runner up? She was _perfect_ in her appeal matches, she was known all throughout Sinnoh and Hoenn! She was a _great_ coordinator!

"You haven't. Not yet." he urged with a scowl. "I'm not going to sponsor you. You have to run like the rest of us had to."

"Why?" She snapped, feeling herself unwind, as if she was talking to someone else, someone with purple hair. "Is it because you think you can't take me? I would wipe the floor with you in a match!"

Insulted, Drew rose to his feet, "Wanna put your money where your mouth is?!" Drew snapped, fire burning in his green eyes. Dawn stood, glaring back at him with the same intensity.

How in the world did they get here!? What was _he_ so touchy about, anyways!? She was as good as he was, no, she was _better_ than most of the people entering! She would even bet that if May was around, Drew would have fully agreed with Dawn's predicament! She wasn't moving fast enough; she had the skill, and the talent—she only needed the opportunity now.

"Yeah, _let's_!" She barked, the happy emotions of seeing each other again the night prior muddled behind personal vendettas, behind a squabble that neither had any control over.

The very moment their hands were on their pokeballs, prepared to battle right then, at that single moment, Gary returned holding a foam cup of coffee and a solemn expression. Standing before him were two very angry coordinators, two very _powerful_ pokemon trainers, in a room about the size of his closet back home, preparing to battle.

"...Did... I miss something?" Gary asked, breaking the duos concentration.

"It's not worth it." Drew bit, throwing his arms down and walking away from her, shoving against Gary's shoulder upon his exit. Gary watched in dire confusion while Dawn huffed angrily.

"Who needs your help, anyway!" Dawn shouted after him, stomping her feet. "And... Don't think I wont tell May about this!" She really had no intention, telling on him over something so small, but she wanted to hurt him.

"Leave her out of this!" Drew snapped back turning around to glare at Dawn. She apparently struck a very sensitive nerve that was met with vile frustration, and a quick, jolt from the pokemon center room.

While Dawn huffed angrily, Gary slurped his coffee and eyed Dawn.

"So, I guess we won't all be traveling together after all?" He uttered, blowing the steam away from his lips while Dawn bit down on her lips, and then threw her arms up.

"I just wanted one favor! One _small_ , insignificant favor!" she shouted while falling onto her bed, with her arms crossed. A move he mostly associate with Ash after the young man lost a battle. Gary sniffled, and sipped his coffee once more. Against his better judgment, Gary neared Dawn, and took a seat beside her, at the foot of the bed. From the window, the sun that broke up the clouds peered in and made her skin glow under the radiant beams, but she looked wilted. Torn. Maybe even a little confused. Gary _wasn't_ as suave as Drew, as _nice_ as Ash, or even as gentle and kind as well, _any one_ , but he could see trouble when it was near.

"What was the favor?" He inquired against his better judgment.

Dawn sat up, as if Gary was some shoulder to cry on—the ear of an affectionate girlfriend. Dawn huffed.

"I asked him if he would vouch for me to the advanced coordinators so I could participate in the match being held here." She whined, and Gary blinked.

"...Why would he do that?" He asked stupidly. Dawn was appalled.

"Because I deserve to compete!" She said matter-of-fact and veered away from Gary as if he were fire. Gary's eyes shifted.

"...but you.. _haven't_ won a festival yet? You're...not a top coordinator? You can be as ambitious as you want, but the rules don't change."

"So? I'm as good as they are! I can compete against them."

Gary's lips pursed, and he shook his head. "That's not the point." Gary confirmed with a sigh. He shifted his coffee to the night stand beside them, and then crossed his arms tiredly.

"Dawn," He called to her affectionately, like a parent scolding a child. "Just because you're as good as they are, doesn't mean you can compete with them without earning their respect. Drew was probably insulted you would even suggest such a thing. If _anyone_ could be vouched for and win a few perfect matches to join the advanced contests, then what would be the point of earning a spot as a top coordinator, anyways?"

Dawn wilted once more, and laid backwards with a sigh. Gary had a point. A _stupid_ point, but a point none the less.

"That would be like Ash being able to skip the regional matches, and go directly to the Elite Four, while it might have worked twenty years ago, there are other tournaments in place now."

Dawn's eyes lifted and her mouth flat lined at his _knowledge_. It wasn't fair. She only lost her titles by a hair, to Zoey, to Drew, to everyone she rivaled against. Though, Gary's face scrunched up.

"...I have to wonder why you've taken a sudden interest in this anyways? I thought being a top-coordinator _was_ your goal?"

Now it was Dawn's turn to look hurt, to be offended. How could she say in one word that it was because... well, she didn't even _really_ know. Since leaving Hoenn, her goals weren't defined as one substantial reach, they were self-empowering motives, like her time spent in Violet City. She went to shopping centers, and tried on a million different shirts, a million different dresses, all to feel _better_. Dawn was focusing on herself, and her goals; but what exactly that goal was now was shrouded behind _being better so someone would look at her the way Ash looks at Misty._ She thought to herself shamefully then twisted away from Gary.

"Being a top-coordinator was my mom's goal. I want to be more than that."

Gary snorted. "A pokemon master?" he mocked, knowing well the subject of the joke, _Ash_ , should have brought at _least_ a chuckle.

 _Nothing_.

"Dawn.." Gary tried, reaching out for her, the first time he placed a hand on her, she jolted away from him as if he was a ball of lightning, and Dawn crowded into the corner of the bed, then sprang back to her feet.

"Well, I guess that just means I need to get the title first!" She said, brushing off the situation before Gary would ask, do that _thing_ where he acts concerned when he should have been as snippy with her as he was with Ash, or Misty; or _anyone_!

"I guess so." Gary echoed, looking at his hand where Dawn deflected his affections, and retreated.

He might have said more, spread some more wisdom into her mindless behavior, but she wasn't interested in the details, or being psycho analyzed, she wanted to hit the road, travel for a few more days.

"Piplup and I have some training to take care of now that the rain has cleared, so it was nice seeing you again, Gary." She paused at the door after collecting her bags, unsure of what to say to him. "Thanks...uh, for the help?" She questioned, and then stepped out of the door.

 **XOX**

Dawn knew that it was a long shot, but _at least_ she tried, right? Now, however, she was back at square one. While the grand festival for Johto was earlier than for Hoenn, all she would have to do is gather five ribbons and she would be set—she didn't _want_ to. How hard would it be for them to just _give_ her the title? She worked hard for it after all...

Or maybe she held a slight fear of inadequacy, in the sense that when faced with the final match, she couldn't win? Drew was right, it was an unfair request, but she would do anything to bury the memory currently plaguing her.

Paul's expression, the hurt and desperate confusion penetrated her mind and drove her crazy! Dawn didn't _hurt_ people, Dawn was a people-person; people were her charm, her ideology, and after everything that happened with Paul she just wanted to...

At the end of the street, holding onto her back pack's straps and sighing tiredly, she kicked the dirt beneath her and looked up at the winding streets, to the tower in the distance, and to the sun gleaming behind the clouds. Look forward, keep going. These were the traits she lived by, and yet, she wanted to collapse.

Maybe she could follow in May's footsteps? Hang her hat up for awhile and get some much-needed rest. Though, the idea of stopping was terrifying. Her mother stopped for a few days, and that ended up being forever. Dawn wasn't ready for that.

"So, I was thinking..."

Dawn felt an annoyed sigh pester from her throat until she turned to face Gary, who was wearing only a black shirt and purple pants, without his science get-up. She fought the urge to growl.

"What do you want Gary?" She whined and he shrugged in honest response.

"I really have no idea." He admitted. "I don't even know where these random bursts of generosity are even coming from anymore. I just seem to dish out advice wherever I go." He sighed heroically. "I guess I don't like to see beautiful women down on themselves."

Dawn's face grew red in frustration, and she inhaled, puffing out her chest. "Excuse me?"

"Dawn." Gary cut her off, his smirking, adolescent boy-hood charm fading into an expression that was much older, and wiser. "I don't know what's going on with you, but if I can help..."

"You can't, don't worry about it." Dawn waved him off bravely with a smile. "I'm just, you know, growing up." She announced happily, with a taut shrug of her shoulders.

Gary didn't abandon ship, though, he followed her around the bend of the street, and down the path where her footsteps grew faster and bolder each minute until she stopped.

"Are you stalking me now?!" She yelled.

"No." Gary veered, staying a few steps away from her. "I'm just heading in this direction, too."

"Fine!" Dawn bellowed, throwing out her arms and practically stomping her feet while she passed the corner store, and made her way into the forest south of the city. Still, he was there, slower, but _there_.

"Seriously? What in the world are you doing?!" She shouted. "You're so annoying! It's no wonder Misty-" She stopped herself before the comment came out, and Gary wilted this time, like a dying flower. The way his shoulders fell, she could see the scorn over his face.

"You know what? I'm just trying to help, but if you don't want it then-!" Gary shouted, then turned to leave while Dawn was left waddling in her own feeling of _self loathing_.

Oh, _that's_ what that feeling was. That she was running away from. She was so jealous of her friends, of her doomed career as a coordinator of... _Oh_.

"Gary, I'm..." She sighed, following after him. "It's just... well, I don't know. But I'm sorry I said that. I don't know anything about the two of you—not really." Dawn breathed.

"So don't be mad?" When she grabbed his shoulder to spin him around, he was grinning at her, clearly his rouse worked and she was so...boiling mad! Was this what Misty had to deal with for four years? Between Ash and Gary it was _no wonder_ the poor woman was unstable, at best!

"I'm not." He said, looking around. "Actually, the only reason I followed you out here was because some weird guy with purple hair was lumbering around." Gary announced nonchalantly, while waving his hand above his head to indicate poor-hair coloring choices.

Dawn's face scrunched up in worry. "What?" She asked, looking around, _looking for Paul_. He was following her? For what reason?

Gary chuckled, wiping at his eyes.

"I'm joking." Gary said sternly. "But I should have figured it was about a boy. All you girls are the same." Gary sighed, stuffing his hands into his pockets and Dawn felt her stomach lurch out of her gut. She could have throttled the man before her. His smooth voice, his toxic behavior was simply...

"It's no wonder Misty is crazy!" She shouted, shoving Gary unexpectedly. "Between Ash ignoring her and your inept sarcasm and...don't do that to me!"

"Well, it's obviously not healthy: keeping whatever happened bottled up."

"I'm not! I already found a solution!"

"But did you really? Because ignoring it seems to be working _great_." He rolled his eyes. "Jeeze, you're acting like Ash."

Dawn felt her patience break. "Well you're acting like—like-!" She inhaled, _Gary_ didn't fit anyone else. There was no one who was as witty, perceptive, and as frustratingly annoying as Gary Mother Fucking Oak!

While she stared at him and his stupid pessimistic face expecting some witty, one liner and poor developed comeback, Dawn's fists clenched around his collar in a nervous fit, and she pulled him into her. He was easily half a foot taller than her—Dawn was never the tallest in her group of friends, but she could have easily been the most willful, and so she willed the professor in training forward with a jerking motion, and caught his lips with her own.

Their lips moved sloppily against one another while Dawn moaned loudly into his mouth. His hands groped inappropriately around her body, pint up frustration expressed against her body, and before he could reason with himself, Dawn had him up against the nearest solid object. A building? Neither cared at the moment when the steamy atmosphere clouded all internal judgment, and her hips plunged forward in a grinding motion. It was far from passion, too quick to be intimate; no, her approach was a hunger, a lust driven, unthinkable _hunger._

"Agh-Dawn-" Gary squirmed, _that's right_ , Gary Oak squirmed to break away from Dawn's grasp, who's well-manicured fingers dug into his torso and large, crystalline blue eyes peered into his hazel. Huffing in her best attempt to catch her breath, she licked her lips and stared ravenously up into his half-glazed, half closed eyes.

"We really shouldn't." He offered, though Dawn's eye crinkled, uncaring of who could see them. She cracked a smile.

"But you want to." She expressed while mindlessly grinding against him again. Gary refused to make any titillating expressions that would give her power over him, and so he shook his head and grasped her shoulders firmly to put distance between them. Of course, he wanted to, any man in this situation would _want_ to! Dawn was gorgeous, young female and...

 _No_! Gary's mind screamed at him. This was _Dawn!_

"You're not thinking clearly." He announced and slipped away from her, catching his breath and tugging on his collar. Dawn looked _hurt;_ _offended_. But he didn't come here for this, this is exactly what he was _avoiding_.

"Uhh, yeah I am." She muttered.

"You can't just have, well, you know, whenever you want!" Gary shouted, gesturing to her body. Dawn looked down at herself, then to Gary.

"So it's okay when _you do it?_ Didn't you lose your virginity when you were like, twelve?"

His face flushed. "That's not... I mean..."

"If I want to have a one-night stand, I can _have_ a one night stand. Why should I fee guilty about it?" Dawn announced loudly, much to Gary's embarrassment who rushed forward to clasp his hand over her mouth. She narrowed her eyes at him angrily while he shushed her and lead her around a corner, where he released her.

"What's gotten into you?"

"I don't know." Dawn said abruptly. "I guess. I just..." She sighed.

"I want someone for myself, you know?" She admit, looking up at him with doe eyes, full of mirth and honesty.

"But that's not me, _Dawn_." Gary assured her, patting her shoulders to which she shrugged them away with a sigh. How did they end up _here_? In this situation? Was he leading her on? Was she leading him on? Was his help seen as sexual frustration and tension? Oh _mew,_ help him.

"I know." She finally admit while crossing her arms.

Gary was appalled by the confession. "You _know_? Then why did you kiss me?" His voice even screeched. He was learning so much about himself today.

"Because..." Dawn started, then looked up over her shoulder at him. "Who do you have? _What_ do you have? Misty's a no-go, Ash is straight, and your cheerleaders are brainless." Dawn flicked her wrist while she stood straight at him, shoulders squared. "You're almost nineteen now, you don't have a girlfriend, or a life outside of...what's _wrong_ with it?" She huffed, edging towards him.

"Besides, who are you to tell me what to do... and...What have _you_ got to lose?"

"It's not about _me_." As much as it ached him to say, he worried about Dawn. Girls were...more emotionally attached than men were. It wasn't the same, but the expression in her eye read otherwise. Before she could close the distance between them again, he grabbed her firmly on the upper arms, and held her at an arm length away.

" _Dawn_ ," he called to her, "If you had said this to me even _two_ years ago, I would have jumped all over you." She stood back at that comment, knowing there was more to his statement.

"But you can't do this to yourself. It's called imploding. You're making good progress here, following your dreams. You don't _need_ a relationship to complete you."

Dawn rolled her eyes to the back of her head, he _still_ wasn't getting it. "I don't want a relationship, Gary." Dawn announced. "I...don't think I can be as responsible as Misty, or as devoted as May—and I don't really want to be. I just... I just."

The way she looked at him, so torn and raw. _Freedom_ was the word she was looking for. To do as she wanted, to feel what she wanted. To _be_ who she wanted without the repercussions of settling down. Gary's eyebrows knit together.

"Why me?" it sounded like he was whining, but given the current circumstances, she let it slide.

"I don't know." She admit, brushing her hands against his shoulders, and his will to keep her away dissolved instantly. Gary was, after all, still budding with teenage hormones, even if he knew what to do with them. Dawn wasn't exactly running away.

"I just know what I want." She said suddenly, looking up at him again with big eyes that made his heart melt.

He shouldn't have. Gary knew better. This situation was only asking for trouble, and once they started, there was no going back, no band aid, no simple fix. They weren't really acquaintances, but they were barely friends. How did it end up like this? With Dawn draped in his arms, kissing the length of his neck, all the while questioning his moral and ethics.

 _But..._ He didn't pull away.

 **Author's Note** :

Uhm.

Uhh.

I've had this written up since 09.21 in complete form, but wasn't sure if I should update it because I was so torn. And, you know what? I liked this chapter enough to say eff it xD.

….WELL, you guys are probably as surprised as I am. I did _not_ expect that to happen. While I was writing, it just sort of...well. o.o;; I'm as surprised as you are. (I guess though, before posting this I went back and looked at their chemistry in Spitfire, as well as the later chapters and it doesn't seem too forced, methinks)

I think I've said this before (I have no idea how many ikarishippers I'm going to make angry with this chapter -dodges bullets-) But Dawn is the only character I can actually see having 'casual sex'. She _wanted_ Paul, _liked_ Paul, but he vehemently rejected her in the last few chapters. (As I've said before, he's also kind of a jerk and needs a stern kicking) Gary's there, sort of the guiding hand, and Dawn's mixed up still, not at her best, but, you know, finding her 'womanhood' or something. (There's also more to the character that I haven't gotten into yet, but I did some foreshadowing the last few Dawn chapters, so I wonder who will catch it?) She's just one of those really strong female characters that I don't think would let herself be defined by a relationship, or held back by one until she found the one that was _right_ for her. If I haven't conveyed this feeling enough (As well as with her confession to Ash in Spitfire) Dawn _is_ the 'alpha' in any relationship she partakes in, whether she realizes it or not. (this is why ikarishipping takes so much build up to make sense. Dawn can never be the lady who sits back and takes Paul's BS, she needs to build herself up.) (You know, since she is always comparing herself with May and Misty, but they are clearly different) I'm not going to say she's promiscuous, but of all the girls, I think Dawn would have the most control over her sexuality. And give out free drinks to whomever.

So, while, a Gary/Dawn situation wasn't even _planned_ and they were going to have a 'friendship' kind of thing, I actually think I like how this will play on as a dynamic in future chapters.

-leaves casually-

(If you haven't caught on, I've set most of the primary characters at different stages of 'growing up'. Ash and Misty are in the long term relationship (You know, that first relationship that takes over your life.) Individually, Ash is the guy that tries to balance everything without sacrificing anything, Misty is the woman who sacrifices everything without balancing anything, May is in the "goal/dream defining" (you know, sort of like that kid that didn't have the money for school, so they worked a part-time job to pass the time, and realized they wanted more) and finally Dawn, is in the "Who am I" category, (that kid that knew what they wanted in life (Have gotten it, or have almost gotten it), but have spent so much time chasing it they forgot to enjoy the little moments and want to change the rules have experiences and find themselves outside of what society has classified as 'normal'.)

Also, I wanted to say THANK YOU to the wonderful reviewers of the last chapter. I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far. -hearts-

NINT


	18. Chapter 18: May

**Equanimity chapter 18:**

Drew always made sure that May was sent a text in the morning—something small, sometimes something big, sometimes, if he was feeling really lonesome, he would send her a voicemail, because they were never one without the other; and they made her feel better.

If only a little.

Today's 'good morning text' read: "Hey, if you hear from Dawn, tell her I'm sorry for my outburst the other day. My most recent contest has just been getting under my skin. Good morning, May."

Rolling over in her satin sheets to squint at the screen, she wasn't sure she was seeing his words right. The typical text was anywhere along the lines of "Good morning, babe. I miss you." or "I love you, have a good day." Or some other emotionally cheesy and uplifting response to keep her chin up and head in the game.

Today though, well, that was weird.

 _"What happened_?" May replied instantly, though the message was sent over an hour ago and Drew, who ran a pretty tight training regime since separating from May, often did not reply until late in the after noon.

May hadn't spoke with Dawn since she left on her journey of self-discovery in the Johto region where she planned to find what her true calling was. Long before May temporarily split from her longest rival and now-boyfriend Drew, to figure out her own self-worth. To do so, she came home, spent time with her mother and father, played with her pokemon she left behind there, and mostly

...she sulked.

 _A lot_.

Misty, when she spoke with the woman briefly to talk about why her mudkip was getting moss on the underside of his tongue, implied that she was brooding. Not sulking. May had a couple of rough words to share with her, but given the poor redhead's current circumstances of clawing her way out of media hell, May refrained from her coarse language. She was only being feisty and inconsiderate, after all. Self-projecting her own frustrations into the rest of the world, when she should have been relaxing and focusing on getting better herself.

Yet, here she was, surrounded by empty snack wrappers, disheveled bedding, and the sincere lack of clothing in the very epitome of her dark bedroom, glaring at her poke-phone and groaning into her pillow.

 _It's puberty, dear_. Her mother insisted to her father under her breath while peeking in to stare in at her. Forget that May was seventeen! She went through puberty earlier than most kids her age—if her assets were any indication; so she wasn't the _tallest_ of the group, but puberty? _Now_? Her mom had to live under a rock.

 _I still think it's that boy_. Norman tossed out ruthlessly and May had to stop herself from screaming. On top of her own miserable nature; they thought it was fun to torment the idea of Drew, especially knowing his reputation as a bit of a 'snotty competitor'. Not to mention May had yet to mention to Drew that her parents wanted to meet him. She wasn't sure he was mentally prepared to undergo that situation, let alone Drew, who was dealing with his own issues as of late.

May glanced at her phone again, recalling Drew's behavior. Sometimes, the boy was _too good_ for her. He messaged her without complaint everyday, reminded her to keep training, and kept her in the loop about her— _their_ -rivals on most occasions. He was everything sweet, and kind, and May adored his absolute cheese laden behavior; but her inner frustrations didn't start with Drew, but with herself.

What did _May_ want? She asked herself a million times during her hundredth stroll around Pedalburg city until finally landing herself in her bed for the last three days. She told her parents that she was sick, but they came to their own conclusions. May wasn't depressed, May didn't _get_ depressed. She was permanently optimistic and full of radiating joy and wit. May was an older sister with overwhelming charm, and embarrassing traits—and most importantly, she was fun. She was the _fun one_. Max was supposed to be the one that went through downs and huddled in bed for weeks at a time in a fit of depression. Not May! May was a go getter, a fighter, a woman of action.

And right now, she felt like a piece of drift wood in the middle of the ocean.

 _What did May want_? To be a top coordinator! Came to mind instantly, but the more she thought about her _dream_ , the more it lined up with being better than her rivals, always taking one foot forward, and improving inwardly. Unlike Ash, May didn't like pokemon originally, she didn't want to be a trainer, she wanted to see the world; and perhaps a small part of her never grew out of that. When everyone around her celebrating pokemon like the second coming, how could she not fall in line with that way of thinking? Especially when everyone around her had these huge goals and dreams to obtain, simply stating: "I want to be better than I was yesterday" didn't quite fit the bill.

So May traveled, and she trained, and she competed and she won and she lost—but nothing ever bit back the feeling of inadequacy in her chest. Dawn defeated her multiple times because may didn't _want_ it enough. This is how she justified her losing. May wanted to _win_ , to be _better_ , but she never really cared about the title at the end. At least not as much as Dawn, or Drew, or Briana, or...

Groaning, May twisted inside of her sheets, getting a headache from the constant pool of thoughts in her head. Couldn't they stop for three seconds so she could get some sleep!?

 _Ring._

Her phone sung beside her, to which she groaned in hope who ever was calling would stop.

 _Riiiiiing_

It chirped once more and she shifted to stare down at the blue screen with narrowed eyes in the barely-lit room. Drew never called her at this-

"Max!" She snapped forward, snatching the phone off her bed, clicking the answer call button and holding it to her face while she practically screamed into the phone.

"Why don't you call!?" She addressed immediately as any worried older sister would, and Max coughed embarrassingly on the other side.

"Well, first of all, because long distance calls cost a lot of money. Second of all, I'm busy, and you need to not worry so much, and _third_ of all, hi, sis, how's it going?"

May withheld her comments and grind her teeth instead. "Oh, you know, I'm doing great. Been working really hard, how about you?"

"Me? Oh, I'm doing wonderful in Kalos! I've won a couple of badges, and I'm entering a tournament in the next couple of days and..." he stopped, knowing he was getting a head of himself. It was good to hear that he was so excited, though, she knew that Max spent years living in her shadow and having his own accomplishments hidden by her own, so she smiled happily for him.

"But that's not why I'm calling. Mom sent a...well, worrisome voicemail a few days ago. Are you really back in Petalburg?"  
May wasn't sure how to reply.

"What about Drew? Is he there with you? Mom said he left to Johto—because you know-"

"Drew is fine." May snapped instantly before Max could play the 'good brother' card where he sent out minor insults to her boyfriend of choice for misbehaving, not that Drew ever _really_ did.

"And I'm...well, I just needed some time to think."

"Time to think? Oh, man that's scary." Max twisted, sounding very strained and worried while May inhaled.

"Max... don't make me come up there an.."

"That's not a bad idea!" Max chirped, interrupting what might have been a layered insult.

"What?"

"Come visit Kalos region! That would be a good break from _brooding_!" There was that word again, May huffed.

"I don't know." She paused. "would you want your big sister around cramping your style?"

"Aww, you don't cramp my style, May, you embarrass me. It's two different things completely."

Silence fell between them for a good second before May snapped back to reality. "...who _have_ you been hanging around?" because that kind of comment from Max was far too straight-forward.

"Bonnie has rubbed off a little, maybe." Max admitted weakly. "but I mean it, you should come here if you're not busy. I'm entering that tournament soon, and it would be awesome if you could be here since, well, you know. No one else really roots for the weird kid."

Ah, there's the understanding. May snickered, a toothy grin pulling at her cheeks. "And what about your new _friends_?"

"Well, Bonnie is entering too, which means that without a doubt Serena and Clemont are going to be rooting for her, even if they say they'll root for the both of us, plus, Ash has to be indifferent, if he even shows up."

"Aww, Max, you're breaking my heart, you little weirdo."

"Don't call me weird."

"You just called yourself weird!"

"Shut up, May."

"Love you too, little brother!"

"I'm hanging up now."

"Aww, am I embarrassing you too much?"  
"Goodbye May."

"goooodbbyee-" she heard him hang up, and chuckled to herself quietly while Max text her the details of the tournament with a loaded amount of angry smiley faces that only had her laughing harder.

Siblings! She couldn't live with them, but she most definitely couldn't live without them. And she missed him. May sighed, shaking her head. Max didn't have to assure her, or vocalize his concerns, his call was enough; the invitation went without saying that he was worried, and May nodded quietly.

She could be down in the dumps, but she needed to actively keep looking for a way out. Maybe her answer would be in Kalos? Because it certainly wasn't here with her parents breathing down her neck.

"Mom, I'm going to Kalos to visit Max!" May called while jumping from her bed, and grabbing her supplies from the chair that she never bothered to unpack. With great confidence, she marched from her dark room into the bright light of the hallway connected to the kitchen where her mother let out a terrifying scream.

"Not in your underwear you're not!"

May looked down at herself, clearly undressed, and pursed her lips while a scarlet brush spread over her cheeks and she ducked back into her room to die quietly in her own embarrassment.

Okay, so she had a _few_ set backs to address.

 **XOX**

May had to tell herself it was no wonder Misty hated visiting so much—according to Ash. The flight was horrible. Leaving from Hoenn, the tropic area, they flew through a number of storms within the twelve hour flight, and May learned something new about herself: She hated flying. Or at least, she hated flying in large, metal milk cartons next to a guy who smelled like bourbon and body odor with the rest of the passengers an overwhelming number of 30-somethings who watched May skeptically.

Pokemon trainers were troubling enough, but when clumsy May introduced herself to the rest of the passengers by falling into a loading dock and setting the flight time back by an hour, _well_ , she had the feeling she was the most hated person on the flight.

Regardless, she landed safely with her head on her shoulders and limbs attached. And the need for a shower. The man sitting beside her left a drool stain on her sleeve before she was able to slide out of the airplane and adjust her fanny-pack and bandanna. Unlike the rest of the passengers, May only had a change of clothes and her gear, without any need for all the _extra_ stuff they had to wait in line for.

Immediately, May realized the error of her ways. Kalos was _gorgeous_ , and represented the undying jealousy that they didn't hold contests within their borders, because they would have been majestic with their displays.

Again, her mindset fell on contests, and she groaned quietly to herself. She was supposed to be on vacation, but each new tower, glowing street with well-rounded technological buildings and a combination of old-fashion, french themed architecture took her breath away. Prism tower lumbered over the city bright and proud, representing after the great battle a symbol of strength and power that was now maintained by Clemont and Bonnie, who still traveled around occasionally with their friends.

More importantly, Ash Ketchum's face decorated the walls of nearly every street corner, whether by television, magazine, or poster. He was not only renown, he was _famous_. Hailed as a hero and the rightful champion after Alain stepped down for a rematch. It was no wonder people found it so easy to live in a wonder-world up here. Ash was the champion hero they needed. Protector of the region, and motivator of their children.

And May felt really bad for him. It couldn't have been easy to hold the title of league champion, still taking orders from the regional champion and the Elite Four, and the lumps thrown in by the heartless media. For once, May was glad she wasn't famous, if fame ruined so many relationships.

Her phone buzzed in her back pocket, reminding her that she had it turned into airplane mode for the flight, and she turned it on to see who messaged her.

Not surprisingly, it was Drew.

"Dawn wanted to join advanced competitions without being a Top Coordinator, I got a little upset. How was your day? Anything new happened?"

May looked around once more, staring up at the bright, noon sky and grimaced down at her phone. How should she go about saying yes, without delivering that blow to her lover's ego? She went to Kalos instead of Johto; Drew might be offended.

Taking her chances though, because she wasn't going to lie to him about it, she snapped a picture of the Prism Tower, and sent it to Drew with the label: "Hahaha, Max invited me to watch a tournament he's going to be in. Kind of a last minute decision. Wish me luck?"

May sent the message with the belief that Drew wouldn't return it for awhile, since he was generally pretty busy.

But then...

"You're in Kalos?" he replied and May could feel his short temper.

"Yes." May replied immediately, gnawing on her bottom lip and only half-watching where she was going while she walked the streets to find the location Max and company agreed to meet her at.

Drew didn't respond, and that bothered her more than it should have.

"I just needed some time away, you know? Time to reflect and Max needs someone to root for him right now and I wasn't busy so.." she found herself explaining desperately, her thumbs clicking away at her phone while she no longer looked at the path ahead of her.

"Time away from me, you mean?" So he got _that_ message? It's a shame he read too much into it.

With a sigh, May craned her neck forward, raised her shoulders, and tapped furiously on the keys before he could think further.

"Of course not! I miss you like crazy. How about I stop by on my way home and we'll call it square?" feeling rather confident in her solution, she could hear the frustrated sigh that followed his flustered expression.

"Don't worry about it, May. Tell Max that we're cheering for him." She obviously over looked the 'we're' in his statement before typing again, this time, with an impish grin.

"Okay, don't sound so butthurt or anything." She imagined that Drew choked up a little, scoffed at the response to his easily injured ego, and was met with the exact reaction she suspected.

"Don't forget to take pictures on your 'expedition'." he text her promptly, followed immediately with: "I'm a little upset you went to Kalos without me, if I didn't have a contest coming up I would be there, too."

May gathered looks from people around her, while she threw her head back in laughter. Radiating the sudden living embodiment of glee, she went to reply again knowing he was at least chuckling himself—and reminded herself this was what it was _supposed_ to feel like. Not sulking in her room but the greedy need of an adrenaline enticing adventure that forced excitement into her veins, and an unbridled joy into her chest.

"I-" she went to message him, but fell backwards upon contact with another body, thus her phone flew, then cracked into a million pieces upon landing. May watched it helplessly, noting in her head that _of course_ it wouldn't last, before pulling herself to her elbows and looking at the perpetrator.

She who had not been seen in weeks sat opposite her, staring up from her elbows with slanted eyes.

"Serena?" May mouthed while the blonde pulled herself together, and May looked up at the building the blonde walked out of in disbelief.

"What are you doing here?" May asked, standing up quickly and offering a helping hand to the more dainty woman. Serena took it quickly, pulling herself up to her heels and dusting off her dress with a loud sigh. May in her tights and white shorts and red athletic tank top didn't seem to notice the dirt on her while she looked up once more, with a bit of a chuckle.

"Seems like I made it to the pokemon center pretty quickly!" May gasped, pointing up to the building where she saw Max, Bonnie, and Clemont inside at the counter while Serena seemed quick to flee—May might have thought the girl was trying to run with the force she bumped into her with.

"May! It's wonderful to see you again!" Serena forced while squeezing May's hand. "How was your flight?"

May recalled the drool dried on her shoulder and shuddered while collecting her broken phone. She would have to call Drew later to explain.

"Pretty long. _Really_ long." She added with a groan.

"What are you in such a hurry for?" May asked, looking to Serena who shrunk back, eyes shifting to the center once more, where May quirked an eyebrow and followed her attention.

She missed him at first because he was incognito. Disguised in a black hoodie with bright green glasses and baggy clothes, was champion Ash Ketchum, hiding from his rapid fan girls and May chuckled, in spite of herself.

"Hey, at least he's not dressed like a girl for once?" May offered with a wide grin that only horrified Serena further as her thin eyebrows narrowed. Okay, so apparently that wasn't funny.

In fact, Serena almost seemed kiddish, prepared to bolt on any notion pertaining to the raven-haired man.

"Are you okay?" May asked once, blinking dark blue eyes at Serena, who straightened at the question. Her pixie cut danced in the sunlight, and followed a shrug.

"I'm fine." Serena noted, but even May noticed right away that she was lying, but knew better than to poke and prod. After all, they weren't exactly friends, and given May's better relationship with Misty, she wasn't in the field of offering advice to the heart broken Serena who had to watch Ash pretend that nothing ever happened between them to save face with the rest of his companions.

May couldn't imagine being in that situation.

"May...you've been in Hoenn lately, haven't you?" Serena's question broke the silence.

Snapped from her thoughts, May looked at Serena with a new found optimism. "Yes, I have been. Why?"

"Oh, no reason." Serena mumbled, then flicked her hand up to wave a goodbye. "Anyways, I was on my way to meet with Miette, so we'll have to catch up tonight!" Her tone was laced with so much enthusiasm that May nodded happily in return. Maybe Serena wasn't feeling down after all! _Or maybe that hint of naivety May carried that gave everyone the benefit of the doubt was blaring too loud in her head_. Today had to go well, a brief meeting with Serena couldn't ruin her mood.

"I'll see you then!" May shouted back, waving as the blonde while she took off, and the brunette entered the pokemon center.

At first, she wasn't sure they would notice her from their group she was currently isolated from. It was so strange watching them from the outside. Ash was clearly giving pointers to Bonnie about storing and healing her pokemon; the same topic of conversation he gave to May when she first started. Clemont busied himself by talking with Nurse Joy, and Max held a sort of irritated expression he tried to hide beneath his glasses. Jealousy was a virtue Max never grew out of, and considering how much the teenager admired Ash, watching him give pointers to the newer trainer had to be tough. May chuckled at his expression.

Then, Max's head snapped up at her, his glasses gleaming temporarily in the light when he heard her very distinct voice, and a smile crawled onto his lips, unknown to the rest of the group.

"May!" Max cheered, startling the group when he rushed over to his sister at the entrance.

"Hey little brother!" May called back, capturing him in a not-so-awkward hug, but it kind of was because Max was a few inches taller than she remembered, and was standing nearly at her height.

May wasn't tall, but Max was _short_ the last time she saw him!

"Max, you're like my height now!" She gasped and the younger brother wiped his nose, then blinked around her.

"I thought you would bring Drew?"

"He has a contest coming up soon." May threw out quickly while Bonnie pranced over to her.

"May~" She announced, practically shoving Max away—quick to frustrate him. "It's great to see you." She sung, then her tone change immediately.

"Let's have a battle!"

"Calm down, Bonnie, let her breath. She just got here." Clemont urged, grabbing her shoulders and pulling her away. Beside them, Ash was left chuckling with a wide grin.

"You're here early." Ash announced, tugging down his sunglasses to see his old friend. May noted that he looked older, or _tired_ , she wasn't sure which when she smiled and shrugged gently.

"I didn't have much else to do, plus I can make sure Max is in top shape!"

"Please, we all know I'm a better trainer than you, May." Max groaned, spinning away from her to fold his arms, but an icy chuckle fluttered around the room at his observation. No one felt like challenging that statement, and instead, May redirected her attention to Ash.

"I thought I would come see the scenery, maybe catch a few pokemon. Hang out for a little while." May addressed, planning to use the extra time she had in the Kalos region to improve herself slowly. Only, now, she had to find a new phone first; but she didn't tell them that. Whereas each of them reacted differently, it was Ash who rolled his eyes and scoffed—though not because of May. She might have heard him mutter something about Misty, but Bonnie's squeal pulled her back in.

"That's great, because Clemont is reopening the gym tonight to the public! We're going to have a big celebration-" Bonnie's voice fell a few notches while gesturing to the older man beside her. "That's why Ash is here, he is going to be attending the party but didn't want people to see him right now."

That went without saying, but still, May froze. "You're opening the gym again?"

The older blonde smiled while Bonnie separated from him proudly. "He's taking back over as gym leader!" She announced proudly and May nodded quickly.

"I see." May looked skeptically at Bonnie and Max. "Does that mean you two will be traveling together; _alone_?" She swooned and while Clemont panicked immediately alongside Max whose face turned bright red, Bonnie perked up and balled her fists.

"No way! I'm going to Kanto to take on the trainers there!" Bonnie announcing daringly. "Max already entered the league here, but I've already seen what they can do thanks to watching Ash for a whole year, so I'm starting else where!"

Her words struck a chord with May, who watched in awe. Was May so out of the loop she missed this? Especially the wounded expression Max had, who explicitly joined the team in Kalos so he would have someone to travel with on his own time. Now they were separating...it was kind of sad.

"Oh, so you'll be fighting against Misty then?" May glanced coyly at Ash, who winced at the aforementioned girlfriend, but the brunette hardly noticed her attempt to keep the mood light slowly making it worse.

"And I'm gonna win!" Bonnie cheered, sending out a feisty grin that May followed with a minor chuckle.

"When did you guys decide all of this?"

"Ahh, somewhere between then and now. It's just talk right now." Clemont replied neatly while May partially glared.

"...But aren't you worried about Bonnie?" Bonnie's ears perked up at her name, demanding that _she was standing right here_!

"Bonnie?" Clemont laughed from his belly and shook his head. "No way, she's probably more suited to survive than I ever have been!" He chirped to which the elated blonde smiled and tackled her brother into a tight embrace. Turning away from them, May looked to the disgruntled Ash, and her disappointed brother who drifted off to the side to avoid the chastising gaze of his sister.

Clemont had so much faith in Bonnie.

Must have been nice.

Because May didn't have much for Max.

How could she, though? He was scrawny from the time they were kids, constantly bullied and picked on—even the simple tasks he took on ended up blowing up in his face. Big sister May _always_ had to bail him out of a tricky situation, and he read that on her face like a loaded gun.

"I don't need your help, May!" Max snapped, and the cheerful masquerade suddenly vanished when he stormed out of the pokemon center, leaving the four of them watching with muted expressions.

"Well, that escalated quickly." Bonnie whispered cutely behind them, and laughed it off courtesy of Clemont.

May didn't feel like laughing, and neither did Ash while they watched Max hurry down the street with his shoulders slumped and face drawn into a scowl.

"What did I say?" May asked herself while folding her arms. He invited her, after all! Now he was running off? She didn't even do anything!

 **XOX**

Max did not come back that night, though, May did not expect him to, he was always a bit easy to anger, and it only got worse now that he was older and reaching puberty. Oddly enough, Ash was missing when Serena came back, and the entire atmosphere changed. Clemont, Bonnie and Serena felt like a natural group of friends during the gym opening. One, she realized, hadn't accepted Max as a welded piece of the group, and now they were all changing directions. Very soon, Max was going to be on his own for the first time _ever_ , and she assumed part of his reaction was because of that.

Like sister like brother.

May kept her distance unintentionally, keeping to the far end of group conversations, and using the last of daylight to get a new phone. It wasn't that she didn't feel welcome, she only had different things to occupy her time. Such as her self, and wondering where Max ran off to.

Trying to keep her mind occupied during her stroll, May tapped in the familiar numbers and she took a seat on a bench facing the lower portion of Lumoise City and kept the speaker to her ear, and her lips pursed.

"...Hello?" His groggy voice answered, and May looked up to the barely-fading light, and then grinned sheepishly. Of course, time change.

"Hey, Drew. How's it going?"

"Not going. Sleepy. What do you want?"

"Oh, c'mon, don't be so short, I know you're over-joyed to hear from me."

"Always. But it's 3:00am, what do you want?"

May snorted, then giggled at her boyfriend's misfortune and kicked her feet out, and ignoring his question.

"This is kinda fun, isn't it?" She questioned with a lighthearted sigh. She heard Drew groan, roll over, and double check the time.

"What is? Waking me up super early?"

"No, long distance."

There was a very long, borderline uncomfortable pause that passed between the two of them before Drew pondered if he heard her right.

"Excuse me?"  
"It's just, it clears some things up." she started and Drew sighed.

"Did Max lose?"

"No, his tournament isn't for another few days!" She exclaimed with an exhale. "But I... I know what's going on with me."

Curious now, Drew perked up with a fervent pitch in his tone."Do you?"

"Don't sound so unconvinced." May snorted, earning a chuckle. "I know I've been all over the place lately but..." She paused, rolling her eyes to the left of her and smiling.

"It's a secret! I'll tell you when I'll see you again."

"C'mon, May..." Drew groaned, he didn't like the distance as much as she did, apparently. "You could tell me now and save us the trouble."

"But there's no fun in that, Drew!" May exclaimed, as giddy as a school girl. "I'll see you soon."

"Okay." he confirmed, too tired to argue with her.

Another pause.

"What time is it there?"

May glanced up, then down to her phone; "8:00pm."

"Okay, thanks." He replied, shuffling back into his bed and burying his head into his pillow. "I love you, see you soon."

From one corner of her mouth to the next, a branching grin pulled at her cheeks and she nodded to no one in particular. "I love you, too!"

Then the conversation was over. No heartache filled her chest, the confusion pressing at the back of her mind lessened, and she knew that the best cure to any May inflicted emotional damage was to get back out there—try new things, embrace a new way of life. Her hands shot forward while she leaned back on her bench, framing the scene of the tower she so eagerly enjoyed looking at—and swore she would get to the top of it as some point.

"May's expedition: where will she go next?" She announced happily, surprised when someone answered her.

"You're not sticking around after?" She looked up to see Ash walking over to her with his hands stuffed into his black slacks pockets, and a cheerful pikachu bouncing on his shoulder. Compared to his disguise from earlier, he was dressed prominent, almost how she viewed any champion would look.

"Pika!" The mouse squeaked, popping from Ash's shoulder and running affectionately up to May where he took a seat on her lap while the young woman scratched his ears.

"Hey, Ash! What are you doing here?"

"Taking a stroll?" He expressed, though he looked haggard.

"I just got out of a meeting." He gestured to his poorly put together clothes. Slacks with an ill-fitted black blazer and a blue button up shirt.

"Mmm, you're not taking fashion advice from Drew, are you?" Her nose scrunched up and Ash chuckled and shook his head while taking a seat beside her, and slouching into the night air.

Most importantly, he appeared defeated, and that was most definitely new.

"It's good to see that." Ash announced, looking grim.

"See what?" May asked while watching Ash thumb the phone in his pocket.

"Someone happy."

 _What_? She almost didn't hear him, it didn't sound right coming from his lips, and while she had no idea the events leading up until now, if the solid mirth in his expression didn't accent every notable feature on his body, he might have gone unnoticed.

"...Who's not happy?"

"Misty?" Ash said immediately, then nodded honestly to himself. "Me?"

"You, too?" May chuckled and Ash's brows furrowed.

"What do _you_ have to be upset about?"

"Ahh, outside of my parents wanting to meet Drew and Max borderline hating my guts but being too good to admit it? Nothing."  
Ash nodded, titling his head in confirmation that _he_ had her beat, and knowing well the neither had forgotten the last conversation they had.

"What's up with Misty? You two make up yet?" May inquired and Ash shrugged.

"I don't know. She won't tell me."

"She does strike me as the stubborn type."

"Only stubborn?" Ash mouthed off, rolling his eyes with a tempered scoff.

"C'mon, give her a break, she is dealing with a lot right now; you know, with the attacks on the gym and-"

"The _what_?" He asked, eyes wide while he looked at May who immediately shut her mouth.

"...oh." She cleared her throat. "You didn't know?"

He looked wild, eyes wide and furious. "She was _attacked_?"

"Well not _literally_!" May tried, sitting forward with her _best_ smile. "Someone threw a few bricks at the gym, you know, mean, immature girls—and the media sometimes calls her bad names..." May trailed off with a flinch. "I thought you knew?"

He was on his feet, hands thrown up and head spinning.

"I should have known it was _something_ like this! You know, that's the problem? She doesn't _tell_ me anything! She thinks I can't handle it—well I can! If I had known that someone was..." he paused, bubbling and brimming with such an intense rage he couldn't think straight. "I would have.. I don't know what I could have done, but I could have done something!"

"Maybe she didn't want you to worry?" May asked, knowing at least _that_ feeling all too well.

"That's not a good reason!" He shouted, unintentionally yelling at May, and upon seeing the discrepant shock in her face, Ash settled down and leaned against the metal railing and tried to calm his nerves again.

"Well, haven't you watched the news? You two are everywhere."  
"I know that." He tossed, "I just thought...well I didn't know that anything _personal_ was happening. I just thought the news was being the news. Making stories up and having a hay day ripping up my personal life."

"I'm sorry." May offered in lack of anything better to say. She wasn't like Dawn or Misty who had great advice in horrible situations, and her optimism was busy mending her own problems to spare any of that.

"You know I haven't even called my mom since coming back here?" Ash muttered with a sigh, and a collapse back into the seat beside May.

"Well," May started, put in an awkward position, she heard Brock in the back of her head. "You two will make it, you always do. Whatever is happening, I'm sure it will blow over when you see each other next—that's what happened last time, am I right?"

Ash glanced over his shoulder at May, ignoring the small voice yelling in the back of his head.

"I guess."

"Then you don't need to worry—when are you seeing her next?"

"For Max's tournament." Ash sighed quietly.

"Then, there you go! You have until then to plan something you. Maybe create a big apology—plus, her birthday is coming up pretty soon, isn't it? Maybe you could do something for that!"

Ash blinked up at May with large brown eyes and pikachu stared at the two of them.

"You think so?"

"Yeah, Misty loves that kind of stuff! Maybe you could plan something romantic or, or, I don't know, maybe take her on a real date after the tournament or something—Oh, there's that really nice hotel beside the Prism tower with the huge swimming pool and hot tub suites!"

Ash face scrunched up at her impressive knowledge. "How in the world do you know all of this?" May's face flushed nervously while she fidgeted under Ash's gaze.

"Drew and I talked about coming here every once in awhile, but because there aren't contests to enter, we didn't really have a reason."

Then it finally clicked in Ash's head that the former rival was indeed missing from May's side, and he blinked and looked around—May twitched catching his ignorance so late.

"He's still not with you?"  
Now it was May's turn to fumble, she faced the stream again, staring down at her phone with the faintest hint of a blush and crossed her ankles.

"He's in Johto." she cleared her throat, not realizing the immediate knot in her throat.

"Oh..." Ash muttered. "I'm sorry. Long distance sucks."

"It's not so bad."

Ash looked appalled, down right mortified at her devote expression; then, he looked suddenly very suspicious while May poked out her tongue, then started to explain.

"I haven't seen him in a few weeks now, you know. But the thought of seeing him again fills me with motivation to be better than I was before!" She pumped out a fist, then let it fall gently onto Pikachu's head.

"Plus I know that he's trying just as hard as I am to keep moving forward, and I know that even though I'm not decided right now, he's still getting better; so the distance is worth it—for awhile." She added at the end, sitting back and staring up at the clear, starry sky above them.

Ash waited a few beats before crossing his arms and knees and chuckling. "I guess I never thought of it that way."

"Well, you and Misty are two extremes." May rambled off another observation from Brock while looking away from her former companion. "You two would find a penny and fight over the correct way to pick it up if someone wasn't around to stop you."

"H-hey!" Ash mused, a blush over his cheeks while May stood up and smiled to Ash.

"I should really go talk with Max. He's pretty upset about me showing up even though he _asked_ me to be here." She hummed, pressing her fingers against her lips. "I'd say he's as complicated as you two."

"We're not..." Ash tried, but had no great deflection for May's words. She was right, he was wrong.

"You'll figure it out—just don't lose your cool." Then as she turned to walk away, she suddenly stopped, and glanced back at him. Pikachu sat beside him, patting Ash's knee while he leaned back quietly and stared off into the distance. His face, which looked impossibly tired and restless only seconds before, however, now looked confident and assertive—and cherry red from whatever thoughts crossed his mind, and May grinned.

It would be okay. Ash would be okay, she would be okay. They were all going to be okay.

 **XOX**

Max was trying to _I'm mad at you, but I'm not going to say it_ method of approaching his sister for the next few hours after his return from where ever he ran off to. His sudden, and unrecognized return only reminded May further that Max, who looked to his three companions for any semblance of a _welcome back_ , only to find that there wasn't one, stormed off to his room where he locked himself away from the rest of them. It was no wonder he didn't call her.

Apparently, they had more in common than either one of them thought, so May took the room beside him, and hoped tomorrow would be better. That once the four of them split up, he would find his own footing without worry of trying to impress a girl. In that regard, he was too much like Brock. Perhaps traveling with so many people so soon left him torn emotionally... Or maybe she was so focused on helping Max because it made her own issues seem far less important.

May would make it her goal of the day to help Max through his current turmoil, and then turn her focus to her immediate goals that started with returning to the Johto region, and facing Dawn. Somewhere on her path she got lost, and it started with the Wallace Cup. But that would have to wait until the tournament was over; Max needed the support, whether he would admit it or not—otherwise, he would have never invited May here. Where she needed redemption, he needed encouragement.

Caught up in her thoughts, May almost missed her phone beeping while she tied her hair back.

People would message her, rivals, old friends—but no one messaged her at nine on the dot except for... She turned over to see Drew's number reflected on the front screen to continue his tradition and she smiled. So _that's_ why he asked about the time. Typically, May rolled back over, fought the urge to pass out again for hours, but today was different, she grabbed the device, hauled it out of bed with her and while rushing off to the washroom to clean up; for the first time since they parted ways,

 _She replied_.

and the world got a little bit brighter that day.

 **Author's Note** :

I am opening paragraph May right now. -surrounds self with blankets and food-

See how I sneaked the ending of XY in there? We're just going to say this was the remixed edition. Going back to what I said in the last chapter, May is someone who always had a 'goal' but her goals were never as fleshed out as say Ash or Dawn's. She wanted to be a top coordinator, but more important than that (Like she said while leaving to johto) She wanted to compete against her rivals. As she's realizing that, things are changing. I also used her revolving door relationship with Max to tie in some other situations, and give us some timeline. (Gary and Dawn are off somewhere far, far away) Bit more of a transitioning chapter than anything else, but, hey, I updated?

Drew and May are relationship goals. We should all aspire to be just like them.

NINT


	19. Chapter 19: Misty

**Equanimity: Chapter 19**

Difficult weeks followed Misty's epiphany of _moving forward_ and seeing Gary. She and Ash didn't talk as much as they used to. In fact, Ash hardly text her, and she to him, and for awhile...it was like nothing had changed from the time they were kids. The last few months were some mindless nightmare that slowly fell into the waste basket.

If they weren't talking, they weren't arguing—if they weren't arguing, Misty had time to reflect on her decisions up until this point. She was a masterful Water Pokemon specialist, maintaining a high rank in reputation as the Cerulean City Gym leader for the last two years, all before her twentieth birthday. She turned the gym around, made it respectable when it used to be a joke. That's why the more things changed and became the same, she questioned if the plunge was worth it.

From the beginning, Misty always knew that on some level, Ash loved her. From the time he used to fight so passionately with her when they were kids, until he stopped emailing her to avoid confrontation. It made the hardest nights at the gym easier, having the looming doubt finally confirmed in her mind, but knowing _now_ what it was like to truly, honestly love someone like Ash, she was starting to have her doubts about what was next; and so were her sisters.

But Misty loved him, that was _always_ enough.

They only had to see each other again, and all of these little issues, these _problems_ would fade away. Insecurity and doubts, and unreasonable jealousy. None of that would matter the very second she looked at him, and while the back of her mind screamed at her, told her things she did not want to hear. The rational, logical Misty was at her wits end and the formerly snuffed out, emotionally drained, bighearted and loving Misty was winning. She wanted to love, to be loved, and to hold on to it for dear life. She had been grasping for that warm affection from her childhood crush for years, pretending it wasn't real, and that she didn't feel the way that she used to—but now that she had it...She was both terrified of what letting go would feel like, and mortified what giving him her full heart would mean.

To put it simply, Misty Waterflower was scared, and she had only ever been scared a handful of times in her life:

First, when her parents walked out of her life when she was six, leaving a ten year old Daisy to run the pokemon gym, and take care of her younger sisters.

Second, when she was chased down by a swarm of beedrill off route twenty five, and a poison sting left her in the hospital for a week.

Third was when she watched Ash nearly drown during their time on Shamouti island. Where she spent _years_ worying that he would get himself killed, nothing quite sunk in like watching the boy that she-had-not-yet-come-to-terms-with-liking nearly drown, and all the times that followed after that.

Fourth was saying goodbye to her best friends of three years—her new family. The fear of never seeing them again, of never holding them again, and protecting them. Never fighting with them again. Of the immediate abandonment that came after that, of taking over the gym and learning to stand on her own two feet for the first time in _her life_. Being alone was terrifying.

The fifth, was without a doubt the moment she realized that after four years of separation, she was _still_ in love with one Ash Ketchum, who was the most reckless, stubborn, emotionally stunted, bumbling idiot she had ever met—only taller with better hair. And taking the plunge of relationship status when she realized that he loved her, too. If being alone was terrifying, being in love was the slow painful ache of drowning in a waterfall of emotions neither of them were equip to handle.

Misty was a brave and stable young woman; but on the inside, she found herself an emotional wreck over her relationships. If there was no drama with her sisters, the rest of her life found no end to torment her as of late.

That's why, when Daisy came forward with her most recent news, Misty found more than a handful of times to be terrified.

 _"What do you mean mom and dad are coming?_ " Misty squawked unhappily at her sister who sat only a few feet from her. Her head still ached from the memory.

" _I mean, mom and dad are coming. They'll be here for the wedding and.."_

 _"What in the world were you thinking when you invited them!?_ " Misty didn't give time for Daisy to finish. Her parents were no good, they were the _reason_ Misty was so unstable to begin with, that the relationship she shared with her sisters was so hostile in the first place!

Then again, Misty wasn't being _fair_ , wanting their parents to be there on the big day was not abnormal. Daisy had every right to invite them, even if Misty disagreed with it.

The unfortunate news started the downward slope of an emotional day that cost Misty two gym battles, a small chunk of her hair, and a broken nail. When Misty returned to her apartment, she had to fight the urge to call Ash, to scream and vent at him since that usually ended up sounding accusatory—so she threw her phone into her bedroom where she wouldn't find it, _tried_ to watch television, and ultimately decided to call it an early night.

Misty didn't _hate_ her parents. No single person truly hated their parents—but Misty didn't like them, and she certainly didn't want to accommodate her life style for their expensive taste and rejection notice. What in the world did they care what Daisy was doing thirteen years later? No doubt it was some kind of ploy to A. get money from them, or B. milk the system for all the _fame_ Misty was currently getting.

Not that any of it was good! The majority news created spurred from honest mistakes that the media expanded on—it wasn't even uncommon. Drama sold, which was how Sabrina, Erica, and Koga stayed in the news—but what sold better than that in small region Kanto? Relationship Drama, and the only one considered hot news was between Misty Waterflower and the estranged Kanto native, Ash Ketchum.

Unfortunately for the news, their sincere lack of relationship for the last two months was killing the swarms of angry fan girl groups, and the extra money that they were receiving for keeping up-to-date with their relationship. It was hard to keep tabs on a relationship that hardly existed for the very people it pertained to.

If her parents showed their faces around town, Misty had no doubt that the same news group who tried to spin a neat 'emotional tale' of 'lost love' between her and Gary would also try the same rope with her parents when they arrived in town. The unfortunate fact: it didn't matter. The only remaining issue revolved around her damaged reputation, and thanks to staying out of the tabloids and remaining a prominent member in battle magazines, she was earning her trust back.

….under the guise that Ash and Misty had, of course, broken up.

It was the new _thing_ , since no images surfaced of the duo, and Misty was most recently spotted with Gary Oak and Tracey Sketchit. While it saved her the trouble of standing in the spot light, a deep, embedded guilt surfaced at the center of her chest. Why did she have to keep it a secret? What had she done to start this? She knew that Ash had saved the world many times, came close to winning just as much—but the sudden intrusion in her life after they started dating was insane. Girls wanted to date him, boys wanted to be him, and while some people who met Misty liked her—most of them knew her simply as:

 _home wrecker_.

Because Ash was spotted originally with Serena, and some three days later found with Misty, someone he had not been around for years. Of course Kanto wasn't happy, of course Kalos wasn't happy—of course anyone who didn't _know them_ wasn't happy. It hurt Ash's image to flip so quickly, and while it shouldn't have effected her in anyway, _it did_. Suddenly, her time spent at the gym was hounded by the league, the battles she won _actually_ mattered, and how she dressed and presented herself to the community was important above all else.

 _Appear natural and perfect_ were the words the league assistant spoke to her when she returned home, and it was only a downward spiral from there.

League parties were full of gossip if she showed up alone—full of _even more_ gossip if she arrived with a friend, and progressively, she felt like her life was no longer hers to live.

Now that she was planning a wedding for her very unorganized sister, Daisy; trying to prevent the relationship she wanted _so_ badly for the last ten years from splitting at the ends, and keeping her head above water in everything pokemon trainer related task—she would have been okay taking a very long vacation—if they would allow her that.

Now, she had her parents arriving in under a few hours, to attend an event they couldn't commit to themselves, and rain hell on her life in a way she never imagined.

All in under twenty four hours.

She couldn't sleep.

"Should I call Ash?" She asked psyduck who rested on the night stand beside her, hardly asleep himself. The pokemon generally slept in his pokeball, but on nights when Misty couldn't sleep, he made an active effort to be around her.

"Psssyy?" The duck replied

"My career is in shambles, my love life has been turned upside down, everything I do is watched by the media—and I'm planning my sisters wedding." Misty inhaled, arms folded over her blankets while staring into her ceiling, wishing for answers.

"But I'm okay."

"...psyyy-yyeyyy." The duck groaned, condoning the woman for keeping him up so late.

"My parents are coming back into town for the first time in thirteen years, and that's okay, too. Daisy wants them around, that's understandable." While talking to psyduck—mostly herself—she turned at her phone once more, and felt a pinprick of worry.

"I shouldn't call Ash over this, he's probably busy; you know, league stuff. Maybe learning Kalosian-french." Misty inhaled, exhaled, and felt every muscle in her body ache.

Who does the Cerulean City Gym leader call when she is at her wits end? Daisy was mad at her for blowing up, Delia was too old to understand, Gary was absolutely out of the equation for one reason or another, plus, she kind of wanted to talk to another _girl_. There was always Dawn. Dawn liked conversation, and sometimes she had a unique perspective on an otherwise horrible situation. Then there was May... but the last time they spoke May could barely get herself out of bed, and Misty didn't need to _brood_.

Answers. She wanted answers. All of them. To the universe, to her life, to the dread knocking at her door every time she turned around. Answers for why the media suddenly chose _her_ to isolate out of the remaining seven gym leaders, why she and Ash—sure he saved the world a couple times, but he was no superman—were so _popular_. Certainly why this was all happening nowafter so many years of living a normal, peaceful life.

Typical Ash; whenever he walked in, the fires started with him. First with the distance, than the raging hormones, then the frequent, long distance calls and texting-which weren't glamorous on her phone bill—and now the drinking and lame excuses. Absolute chaos followed him, and it was now affecting her—only, she wasn't as likable as her estranged boyfriend.

 _Not estranged_ , she corrected herself hotly _, busy_. She inhaled, sitting up in bed to stroke the length of her face.

"I need to get out of here."

"Psy-duck!" The pokemon protested, finally sitting upright to look at Misty while she grabbed her house coat. The clock blinked 3:22 a.m. at her, but she wasn't asleep anyways, what could a walk hurt?

"I'll be fine, and if you're so worried, you can come with me." Misty buzzed, looking at the yellow duck who flopped backwards. He cared, just not enough to sacrifice another hour of sleep. The immature urge to scold him rose from her lungs, but she held it back with a twist of her wrist to cape herself with her robes, and hustle from her bedroom, through the living room, and directly into the indoor hallway without missing a beat.

She was too wound up, too stressed out and unfocused; a walk would do her good.

 **XOX**

Misty was known to blow up little issues. It was apart of who she was: her quirk, one that she lovingly shared with Ash. That didn't change over the last four years, and so while she hummed through central park, admiring the stars above. She had _some_ control of her temper now, at least verbal temper—her mind still raced immediately to rage when challenged, but she could hold it back now, refrain from yelling when she had to, and more importantly, think rationally.

Rational thought was only getting her so far lately, however. The league was taking heinous, out of the water news reports _far too seriously_ , to the point she was worried about losing the gym. They made no attempt to remove her from her title, but they hinted more than once at a dismissal—sometimes they would even mention 'finding a replacement' when they thought she wasn't in earshot.

After the last couple of weeks following a plea from Gary and end of lies about her rocky relationship, she was back on track career wise, but the league hadn't let up an ounce. She was still due for routine observations twice a month, and the process was growing harder the more help she had to fire. Daisy's inevitable wedding was suffocating her—her life was now a wedding she was supposed to e nothing more than a maid of honor for. Dress fittings, cake decorating, viewings, visits to rustic locations for the best pictures—even though such locations were _far_ out of her price range and they had already decided on the Cerulean City gym. Then there was the issue of Daisy not holding her end of the bargain—Misty, who grew into quite the athletic and womanly figure over the years, had to go for a few dress fittings that Daisy opted out of because she was "too hung over".

Daisy was stressed out, and she wasn't doing a quarter of the work that Misty was! She couldn't even handle the _easy_ jobs, like dropping off the invitations—which Misty _had_ to do last week, which prompted the situation they were in.

Wanting their parents around was acceptable, but _knowing_ where their parents were and not telling anyone... maybe that was what bothered Misty most of all. Unlike Daisy, Misty hadn't seen them since she was six, and what she _did_ remember wasn't great.

They fought.

 _A lot_. Not to mention the nagging fear in the back of her mind that she and Ash resembled that far too much. Fighting was all she ever knew. She got angry when she didn't know how to show affection, yelled when she wanted to cry, and threw up her fists when she wanted to collapse. Fighting was all the young woman knew _how_ to do; effectively, at least. It was practically in her title, for heavens sake: an all out offensive with water pokemon!

Groaning into her hands, she swerved to the railing outside of her apartment complex and rubbed her temples. This was too much thought for her, she was going _nuts_ inside of her own head.

Opening up to people to let them know her thoughts was _another_ issue she had. Unlike Ash, who wore his heart on his sleeve, his opinions on his chest, and his courage on his shoulders; Misty was far more introverted, she replaced everything with passion, and kept the personal issues to herself. She _could_ take care of herself _-_

 _Her phone buzzed_ and she prayed it was him. Removing the object from her pocket, she gazed down at the screen where her heart fell immediately.

" _Guess what I just saw._ " Was Brock's message written on her screen. Misty sighed, but took the bait—anything to distract her from her day to day hell. Only Brock would text her so late, anyways. He had no regard to time change, the same as Ash. She started walking again.

" _Is it something about breeding? Because I don't wanna know."_ Misty hastily reply, pursing her lips.

 _"NO."_ Misty chuckled at the immediate response. _"Let it go, Misty. It was one time. ONE TIME."_

She imagined Brock clearing his throat while she crossed the street to her apartment.

" _You're_ never _going to believe me... but, guess who is probably going to get charged for public indecency?"_

Misty's nose crinkled, _"...you?"_

He didn't reply for a long time, so Misty thought to apologize for her accusation, but he answered her before her thumbs hit the key.

" _Gary and Dawn were spotted outside Ecruteak City! There's pictures and everything."_

Had Misty been drinking water, she would have spit it everywhere with the inhalation, then choke she immediately followed it with—then an erupting laughter.

 _"WHAT?"_ She answered in all caps while Brock furiously replied.

" _I KNOW. They can't make out who the male was yet, but Dawn's blue hair is completely confirmed. But there's no mistaking Gary's weird hair. The funny thing was that it was taken by people in passing and_.."

Misty couldn't read anymore, torn somewhere between laughing and shaking her head and wanting face palm.

 _"Do you want to see?"_

 _"NO I don't want to fuckin see! You pervert!"_ Misty let out a strangled noise while climbing the steps to her second floor apartment, and Brock replied again.

 _"But I can't tell if it's really them or not!"_

 _"Does it matter?"_

 _"yes!"_

 _"Broc-"_ Misty's text was cut short when she arrived at her apartment, prepared with her keys to unlock her door—the same, mundane and mindless task she prepared everyday, only to be stopped by the fact that her door was already open, left a crack that froze her blood.

The levity of the situation slipped from her grasp while she slipped her keys and phone back into her pockets. Best case scenario, Daisy came over again after a long day at school and couldn't sleep—however, it was after 4:00 _am,_ and Daisy was out of school hours ago.

Second case scenario, Ash stopped in—but _he_ didn't have a key, and she knew that she locked her door before leaving. Her phone buzzed again, but the joy left her heart, and was replaced instead with fear.

Worst case scenario, some unfortunate soul broke into her house, and she should have called the police, but her body moved without thinking, and her mind didn't scream at her to stop until she could see the full figure of a body leaning close to her living room window. Tall, male, and wearing a large blue blazer, too big to be Ash, too small to be Tracey. Her veins were on fire and she shook head to toe.

This was her luck. Only this could happen to her.

The sheer curtains only emasculated the glow of his person while he rifled through her files—her paperwork and Daisy's wedding planner. Any smart person would have turned around, walked away before the figure saw them, but Misty was no coward, and her pokemon were still in the apartment. She only had to be faster than they were, call out for psyduck to carry the rest of her pokemon to safety while she phoned the police, and yet she stood frozen in place.

As her heart beat raced, and her nerves caught fire-a few traits came into focus:

first, the man wasn't dressed in black and unlike most criminals, he came in with a camera danging around his neck, and another in his hand, snapping through the pictures and notes she had scribbled. Her gym bag was off to the corner of the room untouched, and any person that would rather steal personal information than her pokemon was more than likely...

This man was a reporter. Not a thief. Not an intruder! With a twitch, the thin wire in Misty's head, holding her emotions in, keeping herself together unraveled, _snapped_ when she let out a furious exhale to let the man know she was there—and she had been so right.

"What the hell are you doing in my apartment?!" She screamed, taking several quick steps forward.

In the blur she witnessed, _Kanto news_ sprawled over his jacket when he turned around to face her—eyes wide and fear coating every shine in his iris as she stepped forward, and he tumbled backwards.

"I'm sorry, I thought you were—don't!"

Over the rug nearest him, tugging at the curtain she placed to hide the glowing afternoon sun that penetrated every obstacle in the house to remove her perfect vision; the man tumbled without a single push.

 **XOX**

Misty knew big windows were a bad decision before she moved in. The floor-nearing beauty was wonderful in thought, horrible in practice. More than once, Misty herself nearly fell out of the damn thing—and while it _worked in her favor._ She didn't actually mean for the guy to get hurt.

Sitting outside on a police cruiser, Misty Waterflower was pestered for questioning, reiterating the incident time and again while the reporter told another tale.

 _She invited him inside_ he said _, then got mad and threw him out_ he said.

Like _hell_. She did. Luckily, the police officers recognized a worried woman when they saw one, and based on both her concern for the accident—the fact that she, herself, called the police, and attempted immediate first aid, they elected to believe her story—mostly because she had the text conversations and cameras at central park to verify that she was not home. Besides, Misty was powerful, but she was a far cry from throwing someone twice her size _anywhere_.

He just found himself in an unfortunate circumstance, and wanted to lay blame where he could—not that Misty even considered pressing charges, she had enough bad reputation floating around, the _last_ thing she needed to worry about was a lawsuit. He fell two stories onto a pile of bushes below—he more than likely learned his lesson.

She hoped.

Misty didn't tell her sisters, or call her friends. If she had, she wasn't sure what to tell them.

 _"HI, I threw someone out of my window but not really, can I stay with you?"_

Because that would have gone over well so early in the morning.

In reality, the young gym leader should have called someone to get her out of the area, especially while local news broadcasters took advantage of her carelessness, and hosted endless reports with her imagine in the background—leaning against a police cruiser with a drawn expression beneath her black sweater.

Misty was content. Accepting her fate for what it was while she rapped her fingers against her upper arm, waiting to be allowed back into her apartment. She was torn between some form of adrenaline pumping rage, and nerve wrecking concern but couldn't focus on a singular.

In fact, the last person Misty ever imagined would come to her rescue pulled in driving a slightly beaten up blue Oldsmobile about an hour after the incident. The woman in question looked exhausted, and swore off any papparazzi while she crossed the caution tape without permission.

"Misty." Her voice was a bright beacon in the middle of a dead calm at sea, and Misty looked up to her with glazed eyes. Delia Ketchum hissed at her, bringing her in close for a tight embrace. She smelled like some kind of wild berry, dressed in a tussled blue and black dress while she tried to pull Misty away from the scene of the crime.

"Come with me." The mother urged while dragging the redhead behind her.

Thanks to the adrenaline, Misty hardly felt the sting of Delia's long nails against her forearm while she thrust her into the passenger seat, avoided any more questions, and slipped into the drivers side and started the car. Misty glanced at Delia once more, observing her expressions and mannerisms—she was clearly out on a date, or at least had been, and she had to have been nearby, because Pallet Town was still a few hours away from Cerulean City.

"What are you doing here?" she questioned with narrowed eyes.

"Don't worry about it." Delia smiled in return, bating her eyes at Misty. They were halfway down the street before Delia continued.

"Are you okay, dear?" the sound of the car revving up while she pulled into the express tunnel back to Pallet Town burned Misty's throat. Being _saved_ by Delia felt so wrong, especially given her latest arguments with Ash.

Misty wasn't sure what to say at first. _First that she didn't really feel bad about it, that she felt horrible, or that she was horribly confused by the event._

"He was hurt pretty bad." Misty mouthed quietly, staying at neutral ground.

"He broke into your apartment, I'm surprised you didn't do more, hunny. I mean, I always knew that you were strong—but throwing a man his size-" her tone was so pure and affectionate, it made Misty feel nauseous.

"He fell out my window. I didn't hit him." Misty crossed her arms over her chest, and tucked her legs into the seat to hold them close to her, offended by the accusation—was everyone going to be saying that?

Delia didn't bother to correct Misty for the blatant disregard of her authority by calling her by her first name, and scoffed instead.

"You _should_ have hit him—what if he was some kind of rapist or something? Regardless of what happened, or how it happened, he deserved it."

Misty never thought Delia would say something so cruel, and it only confirmed the inert guilt pinging at the corners of her heart while she shook her head and then placed it between her knees and started to count back from one million. Misty was tired, one step forward led to six steps back... and she threw in the towel, hung up her hat, she _gave up_.

Unfortunately, Delia's sweet tone and encouragement couldn't fix that.

 **XOX**

They arrived shortly before noon the next day, where Delia catered to Misty for the first few hours, until she realized Misty was more interested in mindlessly watching the news for any change or indication that something had happened to her.

Only the local channels covered the news, and only a fraction of it from their recording early that morning. "Trouble with Cerulean City Gym leader" bounced across headlines, but none of the stories delved into more information. She assumed it was because the reporter entered her house without a warrant, and since he was a part of the media, that spectacle was hidden. The league was also probably giving them some heat, given her recent attempts to obtain their good graces again.

"Misty, dear, do you want another cup of cocoa?" Delia's voice pulled her from her troubled thoughts.

"No thanks."

"You need to eat something."

"No thanks." Misty mumbled again, distracted by the news flashing before her while she curled up into a blanket on Delia's plaid and maroon couch.

Daisy was the first to know about the event, thanks to Tracey. Though, Daisy respected Misty's wishes to be left alone, she assured her baby sister that her apartment was sealed, and Daisy had custody of her pokemon for when she returned to the gym.

 _If she returned to the gym_ , Misty was honestly considering running away. Taking a very long vacation somewhere off in a new region and coming back once the terrible paparazzi laid off. And she had that chance slowly coming up—Misty's heart rattled—She was supposed to be on a plane in a little over twenty four hours to see Ash.

But even thinking made her blood run cold. The information that the reporter wanted wasn't about a struggling gym leader, the _problem_ was that they wanted information about the long-distance girlfriend of hero and champion, Ash Ketchum who had been known to 'switch' girlfriends often. Since Misty and Ash weren't giving them a lot to work with lately, they had to make it up on their own time—even if that included breaking an entering.

"You should sue." Delia offered while bending over the back of the couch to look at Misty. She was paler than usual, and her hair was matted flat against her face.

"No point." Misty muttered, lackluster.

"You know, you and Ash both get like this. You both take problems out of your control too seriously." When Misty didn't respond, Delia grasped her shoulders affectionately. "No one knew this was going to happen."

...but Misty did, she knew it was only a matter of time. The media had been tearing into her life so harshly, she was honestly surprised that this didn't happen sooner. It wasn't about their relationship anymore, it was about keeping Ash relevant—popular and known to everyone around the region. They used her to get to Ash. Spacing out, she almost didn't hear his mother call to her.

"Are you sure you don't want me to call Ash?"

"Not right now. I'm sorry." Misty mumbled, hearing the question as her cue to check back in and force that confident, Waterflower smile.

"Delia, _honestly_ , I'm okay, thank you for letting me stay here. I'll call Ash soon, I promise."

"Misty, we've talked about this before." The mother chided quietly, suddenly very serious. "You don't need to put up airs with me, I've seen all of this—most of it I've been through myself."

Misty's facade cracked momentarily, but she held strong and forced an even wider smile.

"Delia, I promise that I'm fine. I'm just tired now." it wasn't even dark yet, but since Misty hadn't slept since the break in, she was exhausted.

"...Alright... You know where the guest bedroom is, I'll make something for dinner in case you get hungry." Misty knew Delia was trying hard to cheer her up, so Misty smiled warmly.

"Thank you." Misty urged, touching her shoulder gratefully. "Really, _thank you_."

The mother bat her eyes up at Misty while she staggered out of the living room and into the hallway, where she had so many memories. Yet, Misty refused to glance down the hallway at the pictures decorating the wall of Ash's traveling companions, refused to look at the kitchen where this all started so few weeks ago, and slowly made her way up the stairs while Delia sat on the armrest of a chair, and exhaled quietly.

Misty was worried mostly about what the league would say and do now. She probably should have called them; explained the situation, but she couldn't be bothered while she tip-toed past the guest bedroom, and swerved into the closed door of Ash's room, and cracked it open very slowly.

Immediately, the woodsy scent that seemed to float around Ash hit her in the chest and she inhaled warmly while slipping inside. First, she saw the neat and tidy bed—of course, courtesy of Delia, and then the not-so tidy desk tucked to the right of his room. Misty shut the door softly behind her—knowing that Delia said to use the guest room hadn't changed her mind where she would go.

Ash wouldn't mind.

Maybe.

She was snooping, so that might have been a _bit_ of a turn off, but she was tired, and angry, and fishing for anything to hold on to. She grabbed a box that was neatly left on the far corner of his desk, pushed against the wall and fell into the wooden chair while pulling it close to her. She knew it was his _keep sake_ box.. Pulling it open, she was amazed to find how much he actually kept. The poor boy even kept a few hair ties—mostly from Dawn, she bet. Letters and maps of all kinds fell into her grace, a reminder of how far he traveled.

Ribbons he didn't want worn down, badges he couldn't part with, medals—including the one given to him by the Kalos region shifted around inside of the box. Then, at the very bottom wrapped in a pink handkerchief with yellow geometric was—her lips turned into a slow frown when she realized what she thought should have been in there wasn't. He kept ribbons and mementos—but not her lure? She emptied the box once, then put everything back inside neatly before tucking it away with a disappointed huff. Well, there was always the possibility that he still _had_ it on him. And, it _was_ a lure, so maybe it even got snagged and lost somewhere? On a creek in Sinnoh, in a lake at Unova—maybe a stream in Kalos—her lure might have disappeared a long time ago.

Whatever she hoped would make her feel better about looking in the box; it didn't work. Ash was painfully living the same day over and over again now, trying to appear like an adult when he was still very much an adolescent in mind and action. For years Misty envied his continuous progress, his ability to travel and meet new people—and for the first time in years, after her first run in with the consequences of standing still—she pitied him. Between them were years of growing up individually, _years_ of separate experiences and life changing goals; slammed together at the last minute because they couldn't think, breath, or sleep without the other after three days together.

Joke was on them, they were sleeping fine now.

...Only, they weren't.

Maybe it wasn't their relationship that was the _fix_ to the rest of their problems. It certainly didn't help her. She couldn't imagine it was fairing for Ash any better. Was he getting the same treatment in Kalos? The few times she had been there it was love and adoration from groups of people, but were their mischievous ones, too? Her fingers twitched with the urge to contact him.

He said he wasn't happy before. Ash was drunk—may his mother never find out—and practically distraught the last they spoke; she couldn't forget that, when he practically begged her to come visit again— _like that was the solution_.

She felt sick when she wheeled away from his desk, holding her mouth with a whirl of emotions capturing her entire body. Misty swooped from the chair in one swift movement and collapsed onto his blue, Pokemon-covered comforter. His bed was always more comfortable than her own, so while she pawed at the blankets and the pillow to move her way beneath the sheets, she felt a strange, soft texture bundled under his pillow, and pulled away to squint in the darkness at the fabric in her hands.

It was her clothes, buried under his pillow, the clothes she had to buy to replace the fact that she didn't actually have any spare clothes. The same ones that were worn when he ran in after her like a lunatic after being taken by Team Rocket—and here it was, stuffed under his pillow in safe keeping; probably like the lure he had stuffed in his back pocket.

Whether she wanted to or not, she smiled and pushed her shirt and vest back into the location that she found them in, and huddled the blankets close to her chest. She didn't realize how cold she was until the warmth of his blankets enveloped her body, and her eyes lolled backwards. So _this_ was what it was like to be hopelessly in love? _Someone help her_.

... _Someone help them._

 **XOX**

She wasn't sure how long she had been asleep when Delia's voice called out to her.

"Misty." Delia called to the redhead, who almost jumped from Ash's bed like she had been caught stealing it. In her sleepy state, she almost tumbled onto the floor but Delia hardly noticed—in fact the glimmer in her eye indicated she might have been a little touched by the position that she found Misty in.

"I didn't tell him but..." Delia poked the house phone into the room, and extended it to the young woman before retreating with a click of the door. From the repaired pidgey clock, she could see that 7:00pm was beeping at her.

Well, at least she rested.

Misty held the phone out for awhile, she _knew_ who it was, and her heart thundered in her chest. Who told him about the situation in the first place? However, she wasn't _really_ surprised. It was only a matter of time. With a calming breath, Misty held the phone to her ear, and prepared for the worst.

"Hello?"

"Misty!" Ash's voice boomed from one direction to the other, causing her ears to ring. She could hear his foot steps pacing in the background.

"...Hey." She replied weakly, less assertive than she wanted it to be, and only heard the alarms ringing in his head louder.

"What in the world happened? Why wouldn't you call me!?" Ash was screaming, which was a rare event in his older nature—usually he raised his voice, but frantic, worried screaming was a rarity.

"I thought you were mad at me because you didn't answer any of my phone calls—so I called the gym and Daisy said— _shit_ , are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Misty mused bravely and quietly, taken aback by his overwhelming kindness, and also a bit disturbed by his immediate presence.

"Are you _sure_? I'm on my way to-"

"Ash, stop. I can still take care of myself. It wasn't even a big thing." Misty exhaled, coming down from her high. "It didn't even make the news. Not really, anyways."

"That's not the point!"

"Ash its..."

"I'll be there! You could have been killed! Or worse!" _What's worse than that_? Her eyes rolled.

"Ash!" Misty screamed, suddenly very angry as if his persistence grated every nerve she had left. "If you suddenly appear, it _will_ be a big thing!"

"Well, that's not fair-"

"Then maybe you should have thought about that before you went and publicly kissed a girl, saved Kalos and won the championship, hey?! If you wanted a private life, you pretty much gave that up!" _Why was she yelling at him? She most definitely didn't want to yell at him_.

"It wasn't my fault! You know that I didn't plan for those things to happen!"

"Yeah? Jeeze, Ash, when are you going to grow up? Take some blame!"

"Maybe I would if you wouldn't bring it up every time!"

"I wouldn't have to if you wouldn't-"

"Mew, Misty! Is this what I get for worrying about you?"

She faltered, shoulders slumping forward at the question, recalling the hundreds—thousands of times that she worried about him, but was never given a phone call, or an email. _Why was she so angry..._?

"It's..." She started, calming her shaking voice and bringing her vocals down a notch as to not disturb Delia. "I managed perfectly fine for _years_ , Ash. This isn't my first time with news reporters, and I'm sure it isn't going to be my last. Don't baby me." She responded tiredly, feeling the grip of his blankets cutting off the ability to breath, so she slipped out of them.

Ash didn't speak for a time—in fact, he was so quiet she almost thought he hung up on her until a barely-there breath escaped his lips rather than the biting insult she was sure that he had prepared.

"I was calling because May said..." Ash stopped. "I didn't think Misty, and I certainly didn't know what was going on. Why wouldn't you tell me things were...this bad?"

 _Because I couldn't stand to hear that tone. It wasn't your problem to worry about?_ "I took care of it."

Sarcasm pierced her ears: "And it sounds like you're doing a bang up job."

 _Like you're doing any better_! "Well, maybe I'm just _used_ to depending on myself." She snapped.

"Really? _Again_?"

"Why not? You were a pretty terrible friend for four years? I think it's important that we don't forget, especially since you have a habit of disappearing without warning!"

"You're unbelievable! I called to check on you and this is-"

"But you didn't think to call a few months ago? How about a year—what about when I broke my ankle two years ago? Huh?"

"I didn't know what was happening!"

"It wasn't like it was a secret! You have eyes, Ash, _use them!_ "

"I don't _get_ the same news as you Misty, I had no idea you needed _help_." Help. Misty didn't need _help_. Inhaling, she nearly cracked the phone in her hand.

"I don't _need_ _help_ , Ash." she chanted venomously. "Actually, you know what, I _don't need you_!"

There was a long jarring pause followed by Misty grabbing her mouth in complete surprise, and Ash letting out an extended, surprised breath of his own. The message was pretty clear, knocking him nearly on his rear end from shock, and Misty collected her thoughts and tried to rope them all together. Why would she say that to him? Or any of the things that she said? She was just so angry and...

"I didn't mean that. I'm _so sorry_." quickly she added in a panic: "It's just been a really long day."

"And you take it out on me. Yeah." Ash muttered, tone disappointed and beaten, buried with contained anger. "I get it."

"Ash, I'm sorry. I didn't..."

"...No, it's okay, Misty. I get it."

"Ash-"

"I..uh, have to go." Ash managed not bothering to hide his wounded tone. "I'll talk to you later."

"Wait, Ash-!" She pressed the spot between her eyes to calm herself down. "I l..." and the words wouldn't come out, it physically hurt and choked her to speak them, and so she bit down hard on her tongue instead.

"...Later." She muttered quietly, met with the abrupt dial tone that followed the end of the call. Misty veered backwards, sitting on the edge of his bed with eyes wide open, and mouth clamped shut.

What in the world did she just say to him?

 **XOX**

Misty did not have a lot of time to reflect on what she just said to Ash, because she decided seconds later that she was going back to Cerulean City via night train.

"You're going back? Where will you stay, your window is still broken. It's so late!"

"Delia, I run a gym, you know." Misty offered while collecting her thoughts. Luckily, Delia had a few spare, Misty-size pants and shirts to wear so she wouldn't be in her pajamas. She didn't have the heart to remove the clothes Ash had buried under his pillow.

"Yeah, but..." Delia's face scrunched up. "Aren't you shaken up?"

"A little, if I'm being honest." Misty blinked at the older woman. "But I can't sit around and cry about it. I've been working way too long, and too hard on my reputation to have this stop me. If I don't show up to work tomorrow, well, everything has been for naught. Besides..I have places to be."

"If that's what you think is best."

"Listen, Delia, I get that you're—come again?" Misty's head spun around to look at Delia who carried a wide-grin that looked _too much_ like Ash's, and the mother reached forward to grab Misty's surprised face and planted a quick, and motherly kiss on Misty's forehead before brushing her red hair through her fingers.

"I would have been in tears if I was in your place." Delia nodded to Misty, who flushed at the admiration and straightened out her spiky hair.

"You're like the daughter I never had, so no matter what happens..." Delia cracked a bittersweet smile that Misty didn't have time to register before the woman reached around to grab a lunch kit for Misty—she _knew_ Misty wouldn't stay from the start.

"..I'll always love you both." Delia handed the lunch kit off with a smile, and Misty stared at her puzzled for a long time.

"So go do what you have to do, just don't _hurt yourself_. Okay?"

Misty shook her head faintly, clucking her tongue against the roof of her mouth and cracking a small smile.

"Thank you."

 **XOX**

Misty wasn't wrong, what happened in Cerulean City never escalated past local news. Ash made sure he watched—actually, he watched a lot of things. Given his busy regime, he never took the time to actually sit down and watch television, but nothing seemed more important than _it_ did now.

 _Use your eyes_ she told him, _grow up_ she told him. Yelled at him, fought with him. Made him constantly worry if he was doing things right or not. Ash felt like he aged more in the last few months than he had in the last eight years. Relationships weighed a ton of bricks—he would never understand why Brock pined after them for so long.

Yet, he stood like a patient animal waiting for her. She was supposed to be arriving today.

A quarter after six at the Lumoise Airport, where he would pick her up alongside Max and May. In attempt to retreat from admitting that he and Misty were having problems, he convinced the others to stay behind so he could see her first. Besides, May and Max were low key fighting, and Bonnie and Clemont were preparing for their part in the tournament. Ash would have never asked Serena to come with him. Therefore, he walked the path alone, with pikachu at his side.

However, after their latest phone call—he was really starting to hate those—he didn't think she would come. She had no reason to, no _want_ , and she certainly didn't _need_ to.

"Pikachuuu." The mouse squawked on his head while he paced the upper escalators of the airport and exhaled quietly.

"Yeah, buddy. I know." Ash sighed, turning away from the terminals and heading towards the exit door. It was nearly seven now, and he never saw the redhead—why would she, anyways? He should have called and canceled the ticket, saved her the trip of gutting him.

 _Pfft_ , didn't _need_ him. It was him that didn't need her! He was perfectly fine before she came strolling back into his life! He had everything made out for him; the perfect league champion, a good relationship, respect and... Ash sighed alongside pikachu who felt the same sympathy for his trainer. Who was he kidding? This was an awful feeling; and only Misty could make him feel this way! She plagued every corner of his thoughts—it wasn't _healthy to be so..._

She never _said_ it after all, he thought to himself in denial. Ash was the one that got cold feet and ran away before she was able to explain herself. Thumbing the phone out of his pocket, he looked down at the empty screen and wondered if he should call her. Apologize for hanging up so abruptly, but, it was probably still turned off, if she even had it at all.

"You know, when I said a quarter after, I didn't mean a quarter to." It was heaven when she spoke, a sarcastic, low-pitched heaven, but his ears rang gleefully. He thought he imagined it at first until he looked up and saw her figure sitting gracefully in the lobby chairs.

"Do you even own a watch?"

With a packed gym bag on the floor beside her, and a tilt in her hips when she stood up, his guts nearly spilled onto the floor. Her head titled at him with a pout, but her eyes glistened in the fading sunlight. It was suddenly very hard to breath, and while pikachu found it easy to charge the redhead, Ash nearly stumbled over his feet and fell on his face. Seeing her was a mix of emotions, none of which relaxed him.

"M-misty?" He stammered awkwardly, eyes wide. He was sure he looked like some kind of magikarp, but she didn't complain.

"The one and only."

"W-why are you here?" he questioned, eyebrows furrowed while she pet pikachu's head and used the opportunity to place pikachu back on Ash's shoulder and to move towards the trainer. Since he was apparently rooted to the floor.

"We had a date, didn't we?"

 _Didn't we_? Even after the horrible week they shared, the cruel, unfair words from both sides, _here she stood_.

Ash didn't mean to tackle her, nor did he mean to force her knees to buckle, or lose his standing and nearly crush her—he didn't mean to start laughing in the middle of the public airport, drawing every eye and ear to their location. He didn't meant to lean over her inappropriately and mouth fleeting kisses on her neck while she squirmed and shouted at him to _get off_!

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"Whatever, get off, you're making a scene!" She laughed while pushing on his chest. Ash took the hint and stood up, and brought her with him naturally. At least their natural ability to work together didn't fade because of the... _fighting._

Ash didn't mean to forgive her but when she was so close to him...

"I'm mad at you." He lied and Misty felt her mouth twitch while she scooped her bag onto her shoulder.

"So we're even then?" She offered, looking ahead and moving towards the exit. He watched aimlessly for any amount of injury, and was relieved to see that there weren't any. His relief didn't last long as the joy of the moment vanished immediately when she didn't turn to face him, or say hello properly, or, _well, you know_ , kiss him. And he felt an uncomfortable rift between them.

"So, if you're mad at me, why would you show up?"

"Ash." Misty breathed, stepping into the busy front of the airport's tunnels. "If I didn't _show up_ just because I was mad at you, I would have never gone to your celebration party."

"So you _were_ mad at me."

"Sort of." Misty admitted, keeping distance from Ash who started to notice right away her shiftiness. He snatched her hand before she could take another step forward, and held her in place and glared into her green eyes.

"Are we okay?"

Misty felt her soul hiccup and shook her head bravely, a sad smile tugging at her lips.

"No."

 **Author's Note**

FIN

Just kidding, you guys would kill me, amirite?  
I wasn't sure how I felt about this chapter over all, but I decided that there needed to be a tipping point for the both of them at some point. (What drama is better than all the drama!?)

For those of you wondering, there have been events that alluded to the epilogue of Spitfire, and while I'm sure that there hasn't been enough information for you to see what's happening, there is a reason behind it (Not a very clever reason, but a reason) That we get to eventually (I'm so sorry I haven't replied to the reviewers asking this question ;w;) So technically yes, this is before the events of the epilogue at the end of Spitfire.

Lots of little things hidden in this chapter that allude to things previously and future events. Yay!

NINT


	20. Chapter 20: Ash

**Equanimity Chapter 20:**

 _No_.

No they weren't okay.

 _What_?

Ash watched her carefully when her hips twisted from his direction, to the unspoken destination ahead of them. The way her shoulders stayed high, and her head tilted down and the down-sloped curve of her perfectly pink lips. She said no.

Why.

"What do you mean?" he finally snapped, grabbing at her wrist to keep her in place. He was never any good at private conversations, and so when heads turned at him on the street and cameras flared, he hardly noticed. She did, however, and the wild look that flooded her eyes almost went unnoticed. Of course, Ash wasn't aware of the cause, or the reason she would ever look at him in such a bizarre way, so his eyebrows knit together worriedly.

"Did something else happen?" He managed with concern as he stepped closer with his voice dipping into a whisper. He didn't like this, the feeling of a knife carving a hole into is chest, and he didn't like when Misty was so passive-aggressive, either.

When he pressed nearer to her, the few inches he had on her height was overly apparent, and she wriggled out of his grasp and down the street without missing a single beat. Even though he couldn't see her face, he knew her well enough to know that her heart was racing, and the steadiness in her steps were a practiced walk. Ash followed her closely.

"I'm fine." She mumbled once they were a block away from the initial grab while wrapping her arms around her chest so he couldn't grab her hand again. Ash settled for walking beside her, instead.

"Okay." He quirked an eyebrow. "Now what's _really_ the matter?"

"Nothing." She said hastily, feet moving faster to reach their destination. "Don't worry about it, I just want to get to the tournament." She assured him, a soft smile over her lips—a _forced_ smile, he might add.

Ash thought for a while while she pressed forward. He wasn't stupid, he knew that something was wrong. Her eyes never strated from the focus she had on the ground ahead of her, and his heart swayed. If she was going to be pushy, and touchy, and all sorts of passive without any hint that he did anything wrong; then he could play that game, _too_!

"Fine." He hissed, darting past her quickly with pikachu staring after the two of them in mock confusion. "If you don't want to tell me then you don't have to!" He shouted back at her, chest puffed up angrily while he approached the upper-class pokemon center where the rest of the group would be waiting.

 _Upper-class_ wasn't wrong, as the building was mostly made up with tinted windows, pristine, and flawless metals down every pillar, the sign didn't have that terrible buzz that normal pokemon centers did. It didn't flicker once. Ash might have noticed her awestruck gaze on the center, if he hadn' barreled inside to avoid exactly that. She wilted at his reaction; probably more so than he did when he realized that she didn't immediately regret shutting him out—playing the _I chase you, you chase me_ game they always did. No, she let him storm off without hesitation, but that didn't make him feel any better. When his feet clomped through the ceramic tile, through the entrance and directly to the extravagant lobby where his companions looked at him like a deer in headlights. Misty trailed in moments after.

Ash didn't realize the silence at first, taking the first available seat he could find to slump into with Pikachu on his shoulder, the worried glances that passed over him while Misty wandered from the door. He hardly noticed the stares, because they were what he couldn't get used to. His and Misty's _issues_ being out on display, providing a show of the three-headed monster that was their life.

He refused to warrant them any reaction other than sulking until Misty's voice ripped through his vices.

"What's with the stare?" The tension shattered when she took a seat on the armrest beside him after his hasty entrance, and for a moment, Ash dared to watch the way her face brightened up when she saw May. The _looks_ that Ash so very much disliked dissipated, and conversation resurfaced.

"I'm _so_ glad you're here." Bonnie chimed in from across the lobby, leaping to Misty. "I have a million questions to ask you about battling."

"..that you couldn't get from someone else?" Misty laughed nervously, and Bonnie scoffed.

"Well, I could, but no one other than Ash is really a battler, right?"

"Hey!" Max grumbled from the side, practically elbowing his way into the conversation.

"She was my friend, first! I should get first dibs at her advice!" Max glowered while Bonnie shot him a nasty glare, and Misty's face twitched. Least she was spared from any actual criticism. Ash rolled his eyes, lucky her.

"What do you need my advice for, anyways? This is just a tournament—ahh..." She mumbled, their fighting ending what ever _advice_ she was supposed to be giving either of them. Ash's arm accidentally brushed against her leg when he leaned forward.

"I wonder if they fight like this all the time?" he wondered aloud to no one in particular, almost missing the way that Misty jerked away from him, and nearly fell onto the floor in her attempt.

May didn't miss it, however, and while Ash stared down at her in confusion, wondering how she wound up on the floor, May keyed in, and stepped forward right as Ash was about to ask what Misty's problem was.

"Shouldn't we get going? I mean, Clemont and Serena look like they're about to pass out." May announced, drawing Ash's attention to the duo who's eyes hadn't left the floor since Misty walked in. By the time his gaze fell back onto Misty, May had already helped her up, and stared questioning to Ash.

"Whatever." Max sighed. "Of course we couldn't get there without _your_ help!" Max barked surprisingly, drawing stares from across the pokemon center before he bolted out of the front doors; leaving May standing with her lips pursed.

"..Did I miss something?" Misty asked the brunette while Bonnie rubbed her nose in a classic, Ash fashion and snorted.

"He's worried he's going to lose!" She chirped confidently and May crossed her arms, agreeing with the blonde.

"That's it?"

"It's..." May struggled to find the right words. "A bit more complicated than that, don't worry about it." She sighed, approaching the two of them and brushing Bonnie off with so much of a flick of her wrist.

"You, my friend, need to tell me everything you've been up to lately! It's been forever since we've seen each other!"

"...Actually, it's only been a few months." Misty corrected, but the wave of May's hand told her it was unnecessary technicalities. Just like that, Misty and her odd behavior were whisked away by none other than his old companion. Ash felt oddly grateful for it.

 **XOX**

On the way to the stadium, Ash listened to the two girls talk about battles, and events, dresses, and parties, and siblings being frustrating once Bonnie and Max were leagues ahead of them. How could he not? Misty wouldn't speak to him—and if she did, it was in broken sentences, or not directly. Occasionally, it would be with her candid cynicism that he wasn't finding as funny as usual. Otherwise, she at least stayed at his side as to not draw attention to the two of them. That, or it was so familiar neither one of them knew where else to stand.

So he listened, and he smiled when he was supposed to, and provided input in when it was expected, and kept to himself. Serena and Clemont hung closely to the back of the group, minding their own business, so Ash had himself and pikachu to converse with.

Man, he never felt so alone in a crowd of people before. And never because of Misty before.

 _No_. repeated back to him—to think he was under the belief they were okay! Why else would she come all the way to Kalos, after all? It wasn't like they hadn't fought before.

 _I don't need you!_ And he winced.

When she would look at him, for fleeting, small minutes, it was a distracted gaze—sometimes a bit hostile, other times guilt ridden. He knew that look only because it was the same expression she would make after a rather unsettling argument when they were children—but Ash hadn't seen it since.. not since... Well, not since they started dating. His eyes shifted across the streets they crossed, passed the many difference faces of people smiling up at him and shouting. Time and again, distracted by his own thoughts; by her words, and he sighed.

 _No_ she told him, and then immediately went back to acting like nothing had happened at all. _No_ , she told him then denied she had said such a thing. _No_ , she said then followed immediately with _I'm fine_ , and smiles that he could see were forced by years of practice.

They weren't okay or maybe _she_ wasn't okay—maybe something else happened that he wasn't told about. He had only spoken with his mom for a few minutes—and his mom had only gotten a few words out of Misty—did something...

And like clock work, his mind raced to the worst possible scenario, as any hero's mind would. _Did...did he—_ the man that broke into her apartment— _did he hurt her?_

So, of course when Ash marched up the isle, breaking the group walk to the stadium field by grabbing her arm with a distinct jerk- he still had to work on the whole _gentle approach_ thing—she spun around with wide, blinking sea-green eyes.

" _What_?" the painful noise that escaped her mouth was nothing akin to the familiarity he knew from Misty. The long, whispered agony of her voice made his heart pound against his chest. He couldn't have picked a worse place to talk about this—and her eyes reflected that, her muscles so tense she felt like concrete in his grasp.

 _Are you okay_? He wanted to ask but the words lumped in his throat while she wriggled from his grasp with a tired huff. Unaware, or painfully optimistic, May started to swat at him playfully and pointing ahead with a cheerful demeanor. He was acting weird, he knew that. His brain was fuzzy, his arms felt heavy and pikachu on his shoulder felt like air. Misty didn't so much as look at him when she spun back around to follow May into the building, leaving his head a bigger mess than it was, with no better answers than he had to start. His fingers felt numb where they touched. In a handful of people, all he could see was her figure walking away from him—among the many different flashes, and cameras and beady little voices of trainers wanting his attention while they entered through the envious staff room. When his feet stopped moving, stunned by whatever concoction he created in his thoughts, Clemont and Serena ran into his back, and shoved him forward to the safety of the closed staff area.

"Ash, are you okay?" Serena's voice pierced the fuzziness in his head, and he turned around to look upon her face and shrugged.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just spaced out for a minute there. Whew, that was weird." _no_.

Ash grinned at his two friends, that boyish smile a beacon of light in the otherwise confusing situation, and while they were perfectly convinced that their growing friend was _just having a moment_ , pikachu peered at him from his shoulder.

"Pika." the mouse scolded while Ash watched Misty scuttle away from him with an unknowing May. She looked at him, watched him. She _knew_ this was happening to him, _whatever it was_ , and he wanted to know why.

No, he didn't want to know why! Not even an hour together and he was already miserable, from his head to his toes, and every nerve in between—she barely spoke two words to him—if it hadn't been for May, she might not have responded to any form of human contact and...

He couldn't do this right now!

"And meet our contestants this year!" The tournament announcer's voice projected over the noise in his mind, and Ash moved into characteristic heroism—his auto pilot system. If Misty was going to ignore him then he would just...

he would just..

He would just do what he always did, too. Smile until the pain in his chest stopped, until the blurriness in his head stilled, and the feeling returned to his finger tips. Holding back the inevitable shout in his throat, he rushed forward, past the estranged redhead, and into the private stands allotted to him, and people _like him_ at the tournament—upper-class citizen.

"Look!" Ash hummed, the forced excitement in his voice squishing the fear in his chest for only a few minutes while Max, followed a few trainers later by Bonnie, entered the stage to wave at the guests.

"Wow, they look so grown up! What kind of tournament is this?" May gushed while standing next to Ash, who immediately started up the concrete stairs to get a better look at his former traveling companions in all their first-tournament glory.

"It's a battle tournament." He started, but as Clemont followed after him with rivaled joy at seeing his sister so big and ready, he chipped in.

"But with specific requirements: this year it's all about over-coming type advantages!"

Misty sputtered. "What?" She hissed—that pitch in her voice reeling Ash back in with a great concern. "They're going to make them battle against the type they're weak to?" She asked, while apparently the cruelty of that skipped over the Kalosian individuals in the group.

"...It's tradition."

"So who gets to be the unfortunate one?" May echoed Misty's concern with a twang of excitement, and this time Clemont and Ash shared a look.

"They draw names."

"Well this is going to be interesting." Misty commented while moving up the stairs to watch the groups of trainers while they circled around the announcer at the center field, and each of them grabbed a object from his hand. Her face screwed up as she watched them.

"It's..." _cruel_ Misty might have added, but Ash wouldn't give her the chance.

"Luck." Ash finished for her, pointing down the the stadium while May waved appreciatively at Max who smiled weakly at her. That rage he had for her boiling down to an embedded gratefulness for her presence. He waved back.

"So the unlucky person who draws the short end of the stick has to go the whole battle with a type disadvantage?"

"Well-" Ash hummed, personally upset Misty was so displeased by the idea. "The fields are set up so you can still win, it just forces the battler to think outside of the box. Be a little more creative in the heat of the battle... and..."

"And our battle tournament creators are also here with us today, experiencing this event for the first time since it last aired in 1990!" Lights turned on in the grand stadium, while others clicked off to illuminate the _stars_ —Kalos was known for its grand exposition. Inside the crowd of people sitting in the front stands, a few people lit up, and names were rattled off—most of the names Ash didn't have memorized. He knew a few, like Siebold and Malva—two members of the Elite Four—but when the light flashed over him, the rest of the group took a step back.

"And our regional champion, Ash Ketchum!"

"You helped with this?" They asked, voices cross with amazement and judgment when he waved to the crowd of people that reacted with a deafening, white-noise.

He didn't have time to respond, or answer before a reporter dressed all in red, with light brunette hair pinned into a french twist cornered he and his friends at the base of the stadium.

"Ash Ketchum! What are your thoughts on the tournament?"

"Uhh." Ash started, face flushing over from being put on the spot, then he looked over at his companions who watched eagerly from the battlefield and shrugged. Cooling his head. Like his manager said, it was just small talk—all he had to do was be generic.

"Well, we haven't done one since before I was born, and if everything goes well, it could be a major learning experience."

"Since before you were born? You are pretty young, after all—tell me, what were you three thinking when you suggested a battle tournament where someone would always be at the disadvantage?" She edged him on, the camera gleaming in the corner of his eye, the darkened area masking the rest of the field and viewers. His eyebrows twitched while he searched for the appropriate answer.

"Well, when I was traveling I often met with great adversaries who had a type advantage over me...and with a little practice I think everyone could learn from it, I know I did." Ash scoffed, that conceited, better-than-thou scoff he did—a nervous tick most of his companions knew he had-before crossing his arms and gesturing to the group on the field. "Besides, it's a little exciting to see what these trainers will do when their backs are up against the wall!" He cheered with a wide grin that the crowd echoed.

"Well it's good to see you're active in the community—unlike so many regional champions! You're very appreciated here." The reporter expressed while offering a calculated smile, then twisting her concerns to Serena who stood off center to Ash, and out of view of the camera.

"You brought your friends?" The reporter asked and Ash, having almost forgotten about them turned quietly to the group who pursed their lips while the trainers started back into their huts for preparation.

"Yeah, they came to watch some old friends—Clemont's-you know, the Lumoise City gym leader- little sister is in the tournament."

"That's wonderful!" She egged on, her ruby red lips curling into a boorish grin. "And you brought your girlfriend?"

"Yeah! Of course." Ash muttered the last part, having not realized the camera was still focused on Serena. He spun to see Misty, who was standing perpendicular to his left side, but wide blue eyes shook back and forth vehemently. _Well, great_. He sighed, immediately noting his mistake.

"Oh-" He gasped, then shook his head at the reporter

"Thanks for the info Ash, we'll talk with you again soon!" She interrupted before he could snake another word in, and the lights flickered back on while most of the crowd seemed indifferent to what had just happened.

"Not Serena, not—I brought Mis—uugh." He should have known. Very few pretty reporters ever contact him unless it was for blackmail and headlines. He should have known better, or at least checked before...

"That's _great_ Ash." Misty's voice sent shivers down his spine. "Do you _ever_ open your eyes before your mouth?" Misty sneered venomously before brushing past him and up the stand, away from the group. While Ash hung back, stunned by the slip and pressing his fingers against his temples, pikachu followed the red head up the stairs and Serena covered her face with her hands.

"I didn't—" he breathed, flicking his wrist forward while May winced for him.

"It's okay, the reporter did kinda set you up for that."

"Really, it's okay." Serena nodded, then while nudging Clemont up the stairs after Misty, she followed closely behind and Ash watched his red-headed maiden flop angrily into the seats they were assigned and wrap her fingers angrily against her cheek while pikachu nudged onto her lap and smothered his face into the hem of her shirt. Least he could always rely on the pokemon to offer up a field of apology he could otherwise never manage to spit out.

Not that he did anything wrong! She was the one—she was—she was..!

"Don't dwell on it so much! Let's just go get our seats, and some nachos—you guys get personal service here, don't you? No standing in lines or..." May mumbled while coaxing Ash slowly up the stairs while he laughed dryly, in spite of himself.

"Yeah, we get personal service here."

"Hey, you with the hotdogs!" May screamed from across the stand and Ash slapped his forehead, and pointed at a sign before making his way up the steps and quietly laughing to himself.

 _Please raise your hand for assistance_.

May's face flushed.

"Oh."

Least he could always depend on May to keep things simple. Unlike Misty, who was borderline brooding now—well, it wasn't like she was the beacon of heavenly affection right now, _anyways_! Like she could get mad at him for an accident, when she had hardly said anything to him all day! He made sure she _knew_ he was mad at her when he took the seat between she and Clemont with a frustrated huff and carefully brushed her shoulder in that _I'm not talking to you unless you say something first_ way. Like they did when they were kids, and he felt the pins and needles down his back.

Were they reverting? Acting like children? Should he say he was sorry now, get it over with and enjoy the rest of the match.

He thought to—meant to, then he looked at her. Eyebrows knit so close together, jaw clenched, teeth grating and legs crossed at the knees. She would sooner bite her tongue off before giving in—so why should he cave first!?

Stubbornly, he waved his hand in unison with May. At least he knew what to expect from _food_.

 **XOX**

Ash wasn't used to the extra attention he received from people; he wasn't sure he ever would be. _Simple, Pallet Town farmers son_ in the _big city_ as the media like to describe him. He showed up to every event, but usually only made minor television appearances. He attended every meeting, ballroom, party, accepted every invitation—whether he wanted to or not, and while he wasn't comfortable with the bustle of the busy region _—_ Ash tried his best to stay relevant, to help when he could, and stay out of the spotlight.

Sure, it was nice knowing that people were _now_ acknowledging his feats on a grand scale, offering him peace prizes and medals for his selfless valor and kind actions. He also couldn't complain about the free meals and fortune that being a regional champion brought him—correction-being a _famous_ regional champion.

Therefore, when meetings turned into battle preparation, into ideas to bring in more trainers—no _one_ was better than Ash. He liked wild ideas, a good underdog story, and of course, a great challenge. The recreation of this tournament was his best attempt to bring in strong, new trainers to the Kalos region, and give the underdog something to look forward to. Ash, above all else, was proud to sponsor this tournament after two months of planning. Eventually, the lineup would allow for trainers of all ranks and levels, and most importantly, offered the chance to grow. However, he didn't expect to feel so broken up now that he was here. Her foreboding presence was a nagging reminder to him that he was walking on eggshells in his own domain, and while he _tried_ to watch the battle before him; he drew questions on why he invited her here in the first lace.

 _If she was so unhappy, why would she come anyways?_

Watching a leafeon take on a charizard, made his skin crawl. Both from the natural trainers instinct he developed over the years, and the honed senses that reminded him leafeon could get seriously hurt. Her voice cut through his silent anticipation.

Damn, he almost went ten seconds without thinking about her—not that it wasn't insanely difficult when she was sitting right beside him, every time her leg would shift against his, it was like a hot poker digging into his side.

"Is this what you've been working on?" Misty questioned, craning her head over to talk quietly among the blaring crowd.

"Off and on." Ash mumbled, missing a rather daring stunt from leafeon when he tried to catch a glimpse of her expression. Her too-short to be successfully braided, hair fell into her face by the strands and she swiped at them with pale hands he so very much wanted to hold. And stopped himself from trying. Because he was mad at her, after all, and if she was talking first, she was expecting a reaction from him. His breath hitched.

"I didn't know Max and Bonnie meant this tournament, if that's what you're asking. Otherwise I would have told you about it sooner." He mumbled, recalling the last minute invitation he gave her—it wasn't like _he_ read minds. Or thought about work once he was finished with it. He had so many projects on the go, that he _had_ to be involved in, one tournament felt like child's play.

"I didn't mean it like..." Misty huffed then returned to her brooding stance, leaning over pikachu, elbow parked on her knee and lips drawn into a purse. The conversation was over. Or at least it should have been.

Then, the reaction.

"Well what do you think I'm doing all day? Just going to board meetings for fun? Playing tic tac toe until six every night because sitting in a stuffy office is fun?" he gasped, voice sharp and quiet in her ear when she sat up to glare at him. His heart was pounding, deafening him as he watched her jaw lock.

"Do you have to be such an ass about it? I was just going to say that you did... just.. never mind." She huffed, on the edge of a compliment.

 _Yes, I do, especially when you're being so..._ He cracked the best, forced smile he could manage, knowing well enough not to give a livid reaction in such a public place. If being famous taught him anything! Ash exhaled, feeling his insides contort with the restrained comment.

"Sorry." he forced out instead, but knowing how insincere it was, and how little _she_ cared about the cameras right now, she leaned forward. Funny how their roles would reverse in the drop of a hat.

"Ash I didn't-"

"And leafeon wins the match! Charizard is unable to battle!"

Both trainers eyes snapped naturally to the field, now that the announcer had deduced the winners, both of their faces grew pale while Clemont, Serena, and May all rose from their seats to clap appreciatively at the victor.

"...What happened?" Ash mumbled, the last he checked in, leafeon was on the ropes! What—what did he miss? His eyes flooded with that intense gaze, which didn't get better when Clemont sat down, huffing.

"You didn't see that? It chucked a rock at charizard!"

"Took him clear out of the sky!"

Now it was _his_ turn to glare at the redhead who sat back quietly and shrugged innocently. "Sorry." She tossed out—and his turn to brood commenced.

Oh, the games they would play.

 **XOX**

It was painful, watching as Max's marshtomp was knocked backwards several times in the third match.

"This is looking bad." Clemont muttered under his breath while a rather benevolent bayleef vine whipped successive attacks directly at marshtomp, knocking the pokemon backwards and into a pool of water.

"Counter it with watergun!" Max yelped instinctively, only to immediately flinch at his call.

"Max what are you doing!" May screamed, fists balled while Misty shouted alongside her.

Ash was supposed to remain neutral on all counts—so he couldn't tell Max how he should win, focus on using physical attacks and marshtomps secondary typing—but May was already trying to do that, loudly, and in his ear—drawing everyone's attention to their seating. He could imagine the headlines now—not that he ever...Since when did _he_ care what people said about him?

"Counter it with muddy water—or mud slap! Cloud their vision, do _something!"_ May screeched through her fists. The match was already winding down, and other than marshtomps amazing stamina, both trainer and pokemon were tired, and the event was drawing to a close.

"Dodge it, then use razor leaf!" The younger trainer opposite Max—Crystal, they came to find her name—shouted loudly, her confidence brimming from the near victory she was going to experience.

"Do something!" May shouted once more aggressively, but Max only watched in awe as the leaves flew out from the grass pokemon's collar, and launched from the sky. He couldn't hear her from where he was. Watching a battle as a spectator with the experience to counter the attack was awful, because Ash _wanted_ to help. But he couldn't just help Max, now. He had to help Crystal too—and the jarring notion to just keep his mouth shut while Max leaned forward to prepare his next attack.

"Marshtomp, it's all or nothing! Leap and use take down!" at his shout, the water pokemon dodged forward, the gust of wind circulating at his feet knocked the leaves away from him when he was up in the air. The strength of his lower body pivoted him forward until he lumbered over bayleef, and swooped down.

The entire audience grew silent once the pokemon hit the ground in a cloud of smoke.

"No! Bayleef get up!" She yelped and Max pumped his fist up.

"Marshtomp!" Ash had even gone from sitting to standing and grasping the railing directly in front of them in anticipation for the dust to clear.

"C'mon Max!" May screamed in support; but there was little they could do in this event. It wasn't like their cheers could return health to a pokemon—in fact it was..

"Could this be a double knock out!?" The announcer cheered—not that they were uncommon, but if a victor couldn't be called then they would have a death-match. A new battle with new pokemon... As if Max's luck was only as good as his sisters, bayleef slowly rose from the dirt of the field, and collected herself from the rumble, limp and bruised, and stood proudly in front of the crowd.

Silence.

Then, screaming.

"It looks like bayleef is our victor!" the announcer shouted and the look of complete devastation beneath Max's glasses made his small group of friend's heartache.

"Good match, marshtomp!" Max chirped, red lightning engulfing the stadium when he returned the exhausted pokemon to the ball.

"And a good battle. Thank you!" He added against the heat in his chest, while his rival nodded gleefully.

"You did a great job, too, thank you!" _Not good enough_ , Ash thought ominously, watching as Max's face darkened.

A full moment passed while the crowed cheered, and they sat in quiet at the defeat of their friend. Not very often did they watch a well-rounded trainer like Max lose in the first match, or call the same bad moves. It was like watching a toddler and a racing game—he was all over the road!

"I should go say something to him." May muttered quietly while the three of them took their seats once more, and watched both trainers leave the stadium.

"That's the point of the battle...sometimes you lose." Ash offered weakly—he would have rather _not_ seen Max lose so early.

"Yeah, but he should have won."

"He did have the type disadvantage?" Misty offered, but that didn't appease May, who huffed.

"I know, but... " Her eyes drifted to the door where Max went, Ash thought he saw a bit of herself reflect in them when she stood up "I'll go. Let me know if Bonnie's up any time soon." She offered while dusting off her palms to maneuver out of the stands. Misty whistled at her, and nearly knocked pikachu off in her rise.

"I'll come, too." She offered, then unknowingly—habitually, more than likely—she then passed a glance to Ash who only managed a shrug.

"Yeah, no problem." Ash did his best to smile when she left, resulting in pikachu parking himself on Ash's lap rather than Misty's, and his eyes glazed over the next battle.

He hated watching her go, and if it hadn't been for the wonderful display of assorted colors, he might have only been able to focus on himself, and his thoughts—instead, he had many reasons not to—like watching the threads of the tournament _he_ sponsored unravel. Max didn't start out horrible—he fumbled in the center and panicked. Everyone has that panic the first time they realize they're at the immediate disadvantage, and while some trainers thrive off the challenge, others fall short of victory—Max only hesitated for a minute, and the battle was lost. He had his thoughts in the correct corner, without any of the follow through.

"I wonder when Bonnie will be up!" Clemont mumbled, feeling antsy in his seat. "More importantly if she is going to be the one with the short stick!"

"I wish they could have battled each other..." Serena hummed. "Would have been nice as a send off, wouldn't it?"

"A send off?" Ash asked, head craning to look at his former companions while the battle below started. "What do you mean?"

Serena blinked. "Haven't you heard?" she asked quietly while dodging his eyes. Since the—well since a few months ago she had a hard time looking at his eyes, and found any excuse to dodge them. Ash didn't blame her.

"We're splitting up after this. Bonnie wants to go challenge the Kanto region—and Clemont is taking over the gym." Maybe he should have been more surprised by the news—but it wasn't like he kept in great contact with them.

"...and what about you?"

"Me?" Serena gasped, folding her hands over her lap and fidgeting. "Well, huh.."

"She's going to Hoenn to compete in contests, since she doesn't feel comfortable-" She nudged Clemont hard to get him to shut his mouth, and being the small inventor that he was, he rubbed his arm where her elbow connected. Ash didn't seem to notice.

"That's really sudden!"

"Not really, I've been preparing to take over the gym for awhile now, we just finished repairs on the mainframe a few weeks ago—and since Bonnie wants to travel to other regions, now seems like the perfect time." Clemont breathed, a spark behind his glasses that made Ash weary.

"And I've already compete in all the showcases once...and while I'm doing okay in them now.. it would be nice to improve my team before coming back for the title of queen." Serena muttered confidently with a charming smile on her features. A forced smile, but Ash said nothing. A boggled Ash, shook his head.

"But, you already have a few keys and.. ngh. When were you going to tell me?"

They looked at each other concerned.

"Well, you've been kind of busy." he smiled. "Besides, you would have figured it out at some point, anyways! We're all moving forward just like you!" Clemont was excited, pumping his fists back and forth the same way Ash used to and the view came as a bit of a shock.

Ash sat back, and looked to where Misty had been sitting and looked back to the battle, a bit disjointed himself.

"...Yeah... moving forward." he sighed while twisting his lips and rubbing his neck. Oddly enough, he felt like that was the _least_ of his worries.

 **Author's Note** :

Misty's behavior is not excusable (As someone pointed out, she was acting like kind of a bitch) BUT, let's not forget that Misty -is- sometimes kind of a bitch. She drives with her emotions, especially when it comes to situations with Ash. She's mixed up because she doesn't like to feel vulnerable, and it's something that keeps happening. I intentionally left her thought process out, but wanted to include that May isn't as 'naive' as she makes herself out to be around her friends. At least, in regards to Ash, who she is most like, she understands when there is an issue that needs to be deflected. Whereas Ash is just doing his best to keep his head on right after her little revelation. I don't want to spoil anything, but in a few chapters you'll see the foreshadowing leading up.

Ta-ta for now.

Love you guys. Thank you for all the reviews. Honestly. :) you guys are awesome.

Also, Happy new year. To ring in he new year, I'm going to update this three times.

NINT


	21. Chapter 21: Misty

**Equanimity Chapter 21**

Misty couldn't breath, with every match, her body felt more tired than it was the last time; with every chirp from pikachu, and every jolt from Ash beside her—she nearly crumbled. Her resolve was faltering, and her entire being wanted to be enveloped in the black hole known as Ash Ketchum.

It was so _easy_ to forget everything when he was so _close_ to her. Ash made it difficult to keep her thoughts to herself, to keep her mouth shut and feelings in check. It was like playing her teenage years on repeat. Time away led to time of growth. Growth led to happiness, but then the moment he stepped into her life again, it was the plague—pincers eating maple trees, bugs harvesting her soul; uprooting her branches and watching her crumble right into his arms.

It was so _easy_ to be weak around Ash.

He would catch her when she would fall, smile when she needed confidence, gloat when she needed frustration, and protect when she needed independence. These were the stubborn games they played, the _I'll break you down, then build you up again_ game that played mental warfare.

Had May not left when she did, Misty was already planning a very long trip to the lavatory—she couldn't think in her own head with him breathing so close to her! Had it always been this way? She didn't remember it being so _hard_ to function after.

...after the decision. Not like she had ever made a decision like this before in her life. She never had to cut anyone off before, insist that they take a break—but what choice did they _have_ at this point, honestly?

Ash wasn't himself, she wasn't herself, they were a walking conundrum of emotions, constantly flinging in every direction and damaging their careers, and their images, and, well, _everything._ It didn't stop her from feeling sick, though.

"Oh man, I shouldn't have come here." Misty whined through a shaking voice, running her hands through her red hair while leaning over the porcelain sink. It was cold under her heated skin and her face was flushed. Still running off an adrenaline high that decorated her entire being, she unzipped her vest for air in her constricted lungs.

Attending a tournament wasn't a good idea—especially not a tournament that he was hosting, one that was actually _damn good idea_ , but she could never vice that; instead, she came off like the terrorizing mom monster. Then! Opening up with an ominous reply _wasn't a good idea_. What was she thinking?

That's right, she wasn't thinking. This was a big moment for Ash, not necessarily one he informed her about, but a big moment nonetheless! _No_ sort of slipped out without her knowing, that brand, fat _no_ that fell from her lips when she saw the gleam in his brown eyes. She had to stop the momentum of their actions, they always seemed to make up time and again, and she still wasn't sure that she wanted to. Ash knew something was up, he was clearly distracted and that wasn't helping the situation. She didn't want him to be distracted! The way his body leaned and crooned and focused on the match without any of the characteristic joy—and _she_ did this to him! And what for? Because she was uneasy—how difficult would it have been to _admit_ she wasn't okay.

Never! Misty Waterflower was _always_ okay! In fact, she was better than okay, she was great—and she had been since she was fourteen! She didn't...

"...Fuck!" Misty threw her hands up, swearing her conscious away and flicking open the door. The hallway was empty aside from a few trainers at the end of the hall grabbing some snacks from a machine—they were no older than thirteen, a boy and girl. If Misty recognized them from the line-up she hardly remembered, they were participating in the tournament today.

They were also rivals.

And maybe lovers, if the way the girls eyes lingered on his back when he went to walk ahead of her was any indication. Or, _she_ wanted to be, and he was oblivious.

Misty tore her gaze away and flicked frustrating hands through braided hair, successfully removing the last of her twists. Her hair was just long enough to brush the tops of her shoulder. It would be past her shoulders in time for the wedding—which meant she was at the mercy of her sisters hair dresser.

Groaning, she stumbled down the hall to any source of air. She couldn't breath here. Thousands of miles away from home and she was still thinking about the wedding; still thinking about the gym, still frantic over her reputation.

What she would give for the simplicity of a ten year old again!

 _Crap_ , she thought in turn to the rapid beat of her heart, she was panicking. In the middle of no where—she had to calm down. In her best attempt to sooth the raging drum, she spun through a corridor, and down a few steps, and then loosely stumbled into the emergency exit, which was cracked. Voices blared in.

"Max, I'm telling you, everyone loses sometimes!" May called after Max, who from Misty's hearing was more than likely kicking some form of metal compartment—a metal trash bin, more than likely.

"C'mon, you're over reacting!" May sounded desperate, and having walked into the midst of what she believed was a sibling spitting match, Misty stopped at the door and peered outside to see Max who had tears in his eyes and frazzled hair. No one else was around.

"Over reacting? May, I could have, _should_ have won!"

"That's not true! You had the type disadvantage!"

"I had the experience! You didn't see Ash losing matches like that! Or Drew—or _you_!"

"Yeah, but you aren't us!"

"Clearly!" Max snapped, throwing his hands up and spinning until he fell to the ground and Misty flinched at the scene.

"I don't know what you want from me, Max." May breathed. "You invited me here to what? Make me feel bad for you? Make _me_ feel bad? I can't make you do anything-you have to let me help."

"I know!" he whined, banging the back of his head on the metal bin behind him. Misty almost couldn't recognize him without his glasses on. "But, it's just... Why does everything work out for you!"

"What?" May gasped. "Nothing has been-"

"Bullshit!" Max shouted, sitting forward with his hands on his knees. "You concocted whatever illness you have in your own mind, but you have _all the power_. You have a blaziken, and a venusaur—not to mention glaceon and mudkip! You're a beast!" He inhaled. "And I'm not. I'm just perpetually stuck in your shadow."

"So why did you invite me here, huh?" May finally snapped, unable to withstand the pitiful display.

"I don't know!" Max shouted glaring up at her and Misty moved instinctively to interfere the scene before it got ugly. Ash mentioned that they had been fighting, but she assumed that it was nothing more than siblings bickering at one another! Before Misty could tumble in, May jerked around the small alley and threw her arms up.

"You think it's _easy_? Max, I don't know what in the world I want anymore! For years it's been chasing after my rivals—wanting some title that a million other girls want in the world and you think that's _easy_!?"

"Well it's easier than me! I can't even leave to find a successful group like you! Everyone just-" shocked by his words, he launched himself backwards, looked away, and chomped onto the inside of his cheek.

May wilted. "Is this about everyone leaving?"

Max didn't answer, and from her hiding corner, Misty tilted around the door to watch as May approached her brother, and took a seat beside him quietly.

"It's not just about that."

"I think you have some kind of inferiority complex, Max." May mumbled with a careful eye roll, a look Misty was familiar with, because it was the same approach Daisy took with _her._

"I just.. I just want my own adventures, you know? Friends like Ash and Brock again—but, people don't really warm up to me, and outside of my pokemon I'm just..."

"Max." May whined, shaking him with her shoulder. "You're over reacting!"

"I could say the same to you." He puffed his cheeks out.

"But I _know_ I am." May smiled. "And I also know that sometimes we don't get easy answers for big problems. They take a lot of work, and that includes this long journey called life—you don't need to figure everything out right now. We'll have ups, and downs and sometimes it will feel like life is drowning us and..." May cleared her throat. "Least that's what mom told me. We just have to keep trying."

Misty's eyes raced to May, who looked apologetically at Max, patting his shoulder gently. A long pause followed before Max shuffled his hands to his side, and started to clean his glasses.

"This was supposed to be my big break—I was supposed to be some amazing battler when I came here and I blew it. Bonnie's way better than me."

"You don't have to be the best. Plus so what, Bonnie had talent, just means that oyu have to work twice has hard."

Max shot her a gaze while flicking his glasses on.

"Really?"

"Really. Hey, you don't even have to battle pokemon, if you don't want to. There's a ton of other options out there."

"May that's..."

"What I'm saying is, you're never going to get better if you just sit around and expect to _be better._ You, me, Ash, Misty-people like us—we have to work for it. We're not talented like Dawn, or Gary, or Drew and Bonnie, we're...hard workers." May twisted and Misty felt her heart swell from the depths of her chest while she spun away to breath.

Who ever thought that May would have such wise words—introspect that Misty often forgot, but she did know all of this—maybe even shared it every so often. The hard road ahead of them, the work that went into it, nothing was different for her and Ash. Breaking up was the cowards way out, easy—but it would crush them both before they healed again. Misty's back hit the metal wall beside the door, winded by herthoughts while she grasped at the zipper of her shirt, and stared on into the darkness of her frustration.

Ash worked hard for this, and she had done little more than guilt him into submission. Ash worked just as hard as she did, or maybe twice as hard and she paid him back with insults; and rude comments.

What in the world was she becoming?

"Anyways, Max, we better get back! Bonnie will never forgive us if we miss her match!" May shouted while collecting her brother and dragging him back to the ajar door, where Misty was still patiently waiting.

Suddenly ashamed by her self-accusation, she turned and retreated into the part of the hallway hidden away from the duo while they raced back to the stands, unaware of her presence. This wasn't getting any easier.

She expected, _and maybe she hoped just a little_ , that Ash _would_ be upset with her. She hoped he would act on his frustrations, and he deserved to. Misty wasn't helping their relationship at this point, if anything, she could feel the thin threads of their friendship breaking with every new, fully loaded and backhanded argument.

"-Shh!" A hissing from down the hall startled her from her thoughts, breaking the trance she was in while she hoped to her feet and looked down the dark entrance.

"Hello?" She asked, listening to the muffled voices of a faint argument in the distance, and she looked behind her before stepping past the _staff only_ sticker.

 **XOX**

"Hey, we're back. Did we miss Bonnie's match?" May asked while Max took the empty seat to her left, and her voice drew Ash's attention from the match, or his mind. She wasn't sure which anymore with the way his knee bounced up and down anxiously—to the point pikachu was sitting on Misty's seat rather than his lap. Bonnie was battling _now_ , and winning. Max tried to smother the contempt on his face with a crossing of his arms.

"Welcome back, you did great out there, Max." Ash offered his two cents quickly, but Max offered a slow nod and chuckle.

"It's okay Ash. I know I messed up... _a little_."

Ash's brows clearly crinkled. "Well, I still think you did okay. You'll get it next time."

"Thanks."

"Who cares, we all win and lose some matches! Let's eat!" May huffed, flagging down a rather _tired_ and disgruntled looking caterer at the bottom of the steps. Ash made a mental note to leave a large tip when they left when his gaze fell around, watching for red hair.

"Where's Misty?"

"Hmm?" May asked, crooning over the red pepper nachos she dubbed her new favorite piece of Kalos battling.

"We didn't see her, why, what's up?" Max asked while a framed expression of disgust flashed through his eyes when May dipped her finger into her messy chips.

"Maybe she got lost, it's kind of a mess in there." May whispered with a faint nod, knowing well enough that Misty could take care of herself—so she wasn't worried. Besides, Ash hadn't implied that they were still having issues. He originally wanted to save her, and _more than likely_ himself the heartache of her rejection when she didn't come to Kalos this weekend...

But then she came.

And things still weren't okay.

Whatever, he wouldn't worry about it.

"Dedenne, use quick attack!" Bonnie, who was the defendant, like Max, had the type disadvantage in the match, but was owning up to the challenge like most people would have expected her too—whispers of a new _prodigy_ made way through the crowd, accumulating her success to traveling with Ash for a full year.

 _Yeah_ , because he was a _greeeat_ example. He put the thought out of his head, and focused on the techniques in the match; since it was the closest he had been to a battle in weeks that wasn't behind closed doors. Misty was still gone.

What if Misty left?

"And she comes back in the lead!" The announcer projected gleefully as dendenne pounce up, then over a rather unpleasant rock slide. Ash's eyes darted to the small entrance tunnel then back to Bonnie.

Maybe she freaked out and flaked after all? Misty was a runner when she was upset, after all, if their experiences together taught him anything. His knee bobbed once more. Growing more anxious by the second..

"No! Sudowoodo get up!" The male challenger shouted to his pokemon after a successful landing of sprayed water, thanks to the clicking paws of the small dedenne. Bonnie snapped her fingers, and raised her hand to call for the finishing blow and Ash's eyes darted to the tunnel again.

What if she _did_ run? Maybe he should have just apologized—even if he wasn't sure what he was apologizing for! Brock mentioned that was something girls did. But that was _girls_ , this was Misty, she never had a problem telling him he was wrong before—why would she...

"And the match goes to the young Bonnie of Lumoise City!"

Ash was up a split second later while the crowd went nuts at her flawless victory over a rock pokemon, and Ash used that as his chance to escape.

"Hey, where are you going?" May questioned, watching while he dipped, then nearly tripped into the row. Pikachu called after him, but was stopped by May who held her finger up to silence the mouse.

"I'm—uhm. I, I have to pee!" He yelped, then darted into the tunnel, which was kept dark to alleviate the distraction to the trainers, and keep utilities down. In hindsight, it wasn't their best business move, but Ash wasn't going to complain when he wasn't even supposed to be down here.

It wasn't that he didn't _trust_ Misty, it was just, she _had_ been acting weird lately and she had—Okay, so maybe he was worried! Caught up in his own thoughts, he almost missed the flash of red hair around the corner of the hallway he jogged quietly by, and came reeling to a stop.

"Misty?"

She blinked at him, holding a folded envelope in her hands while looking up and down the hallway she just came from. Confused and a little concerned. Startled to see him.

"Ash." She responded coolly, and he reeled to look at her, lips pursed and shoulders square.

"What'da doin?" fell out of his lips, trying to hide his immediate concern by crossing his arms over his chest.

Misty pointed absent minded to the hallway she came from. "I thought I saw...well, hey, have you seen Jessie and James recently?"

"Not since... Well, not for awhile, why?"

"No reason, I just thought that I saw-" Misty's brows furrowed, troubled for the correct words to express her feelings while she flicked the opened envelope at him. "Well, this had their names on it—and I found it back there-"

"Where it says staff only?" Ash grinned, amused by her immediate blush.

"It was an emergency."

"Someone getting stabbed is an emergency, your curiosity is breaking and entering." She slapped his arm playfully.

"Shut up." She barked, and they laughed. And it was perfectly normal and innocent.

For about ten seconds.

Then the returning, never ending embarking awkwardness that took over their lives crushed their souls into its midst and the moment their eyes made contact, Ash thought the letter was overly curious. Anything to avoid the _we're alone and can finally break the ice_ talk they both seemed to adore.

"It has nothing written inside, just an empty note with their names on the back."

"..Weird." Ash hummed, taking the apparent lack of people as his first chance to get an honest reply from her, he folded the letter, then stuffed it into his back pocket. He'll deal with that later—most likely if he wanted to or not.

"So, why'd you come out here, May said you didn't-"

"Ppft, are you keeping tabs on me now?" _Of course_ she would respond with sarcasm, it was the only language she was fluent in.

"No, but apparently Gary does." Ash matched her venomous tone, which stopped her in her tracks with a nasty glare.

"I was just..." She huffed monotone. _Were all of their meetings going to begin with having to make up, and move past the awkward predicaments they threw themselves into_?

"I had to pee." Misty lied smoothly. She couldn't very well admit to needing to breath far, far away. "And I can take care of myself, you don't need to coddle me."

 _Why did this conversation sound so familiar_?

"I wasn't. I was concerned you were going to..." _leave._ He stopped. Even Ash knew that was bad territory to venture into.

"To what?" She asked, poising the question.

"Never mind." Ash shrugged his shoulder. "Anyways, we're missing the match—you missed Bonnie, she slayed out there." While he moved past her, she found it hard to keep her guts from spilling out of her mouth.

"You're just going to avoid me?"

 _Oh no she didn't_! Ash spun back around to face her.

"Avoid you? You've been avoiding me!"

"I have not been!"

"You have, too!" Ash threw his hand up, adding immediately: "You were the one who flew down here and dropped the bomb when _I_ was trying to be helpful."

"Yeah, bombarding me with questions in front of _your_ friends is helpful!"

"They're your friends, too!"

"No they're not!" This came as a bit of a shock to Ash, who leaned back at the accusation. "I hardly know Clemont, and the last time Serena and I spoke it _wasn't exactly on good terms_ , Ash."

"Yeah, but there's May..."

"Who is clearly dealing with her own issues!" Misty sharply inhaled and stood up to Ash, glaring into his eyes. "Besides, I don't want to be at the center of attention like some kind of safari pokemon!"

"Well _sorry_ my popularity is such an inconvenience! It's not like I do it on purpose! You're the one who is always keeping secrets and-"

"I'm not keeping secrets!"

"Well you're not being very open!"

"I'm not? What about you!?" She hissed, pointing an accusing finger at him. "You planned a whole tournament and never told me anything about it! Not to mention what exactly you _do_ is a huge mystery to the rest of the world! I'm not even convinced you're that busy!"

"Hey!" Ash shouted, voice echoing down the hall. Not like anyone would hear it in the distant crowd of cheers. "I do a lot! Maybe I don't want to bore you with the details."

"Maybe I wouldn't think they were boring."

"Well maybe I do!"

"Arceus!" Misty threw her arms up, fingers twitching as they came back down. "You're infuriating!"

"Well so are you!"

A stalemate; tired, sea green eyes met angry, brown eyes at the cross hairs of a close match. The first to break away lost. Had bragging rights—fighting rights. Ash's jaw clenched and his teeth grit quietly in the dark as pikachu stood at their feet, trying to keep them apart with his paws. Misty bit her bottom lip, unwilling to back down first—he was the one who was wrong, after all!

Why would either one of them back off first!

A loud, booming cheer funneled into the quiet of the tunnel and her eyes narrowed further.

"You're missing _your_ tournament." she spit, and Ash exhaled.

"Not like you care."

"I care." Misty hissed. "In fact, I couldn't be more proud of you." She added, and the compliment might have been accommodating, if it wasn't for the oozing venom from every word.

"Well gee, your approval means _so much_." he smiled bitterly. "Not like I _needed_ it for the last four years."

For the first time, he turned _that_ insult around on her, and the expression of shock, and terror wasn't exactly the all encompassing victory he expected it to be. Actually, she looked visibly hurt the way her mouth fell open, and he followed his response with the immediate regret that came after.

"...shit, I didn't-"

A slap, a slap was coming, he knew that she was aggressive in that way, especially when she was hurt. And he probably deserved it— _maybe_ , but instead, she lunged forward.

He hadn't expected her to kiss him, for her fingers to curl around his blue collar and drag his lips into a feisty, fitful kiss that stole his breath and forced his heart to temporarily stop beating to contain the pause in his mind. There hadn't been a second he suspected her mouth would lap over his, and corner him into the _staff only_ hallway he gave her hell about only seconds ago—or venture down from his lips, to his neck, and then back to his lips once more.

 _Damn it_.

Somewhere he heard pikachu appear to check up on them from May's grasp, then just as quickly disappear and duck away from their proactive activities, and made a very strong mental note to feed the mouse its weight in ketchup for always being such a wonderful wing man.

 _After_ she was done kissing him, of course.

 **XOX**

Ninety reasons to explain to his friends why he missed the second half of the tournament was like pulling his teeth without novacaine. Trying to hide the swelling bruises he left on her neck with her collared vest, and his own with his popped collar felt like the aftermath of a very long, steamy night, and all of which took place in an hour, between their mouths...which were unbelievably sore.

"Your hair is a mess." Misty whined, matting his hair down with her hands and placing his hat back onto his head. "If you have sex hair without the sex I can't imagine what it'll..."

"What?" Ash whispered, eyes wide while Misty snapped back to the reality she was in and offered a straight laced, Misty response.

"It looks like you stuck your finger in a light socket. Your hair is a mess." Any warm feelings in his stomach died the very instant and his face fell appropriately. But the air was clear for the first time.

"Shut up." Ash mouthed boyish, shoving her playfully against the unforgiving wall that had been their home for the last hour. His touch left pinpricks of gooseflesh over her bare arms, and he smiled down at her.

"Wasn't my fault you didn't let me up for air."

She blinked at the comment, then narrowed her eyes dangerously. His chest was pressed against hers, his arms wrapped tightly around her body and holding her close with that sinister smile over his lips, and a smirk over hers.

"Didn't mean to-" Her eyelids lowered eagerly when his lips came close to her once again, brushing the burning sensation of his touch from her lips to the pit of her stomach that seemed so glaringly far away from his. He was always the perfect gentlemen— _or shy_ , she would never know.

"Pika!" The mouse squealed from the safety of the tunnel entrance while they broke apart as if lightning crossed through them.

"Mist.."

"The tournament.." Misty mumbled, shoving past Ash before another one of their episodes replayed and they were stuck in that dark hallway for another hour. Ash didn't hesitate to follow her, meeting her at her shoulder when they moved to the end of the tunnel and the guarded fence line to watch the final match.

Great, his first sponsored tournament and he missed half of it—he had to try to hide his deflation as they announced the winner of the final battle: Bonnie was the loser—runner up. It wasn't bad, to lose the way that she did, apparently, by the crowds rambunctious reaction to the final battle, the event was amazing, but he missed it. Ash turned to Misty, whose hands were placed on the metal grate of the fence protecting the crowd from the battle when his fingers traces up her fore arm and snatched her.

"I guess we owe Bonnie a battle after all."

Misty scoffed, a small smile on her lips. "...I didn't come for the tournament." before Ash could ask what she meant, she nudged him in the shoulder and lowered their hands.

"They're all so young now, aren't they?" Ash's eyes fell back on Bonnie, who cheered in excitement as she accepted the medal that was passed to her from the tournament announcers while they took names, read interviews and flashed a few pictures.

"They're the new generation now." Ash hummed happily, pikachu hopping up onto his shoulder with a nudge of his cheek against Ash's.

"I remember when we were that little."

"Yeah, me, too."

"Seems like so long ago now, doesn't it?"

"...A little bit." Ash paused, pursing his lips and squeezing her fingers. "Though, I think if little me, well you know. I think I'd run away."

"Pfft, you'd run away now if you could."

"Oh, did I try." He breathed with a happy sigh before swinging an arm around her. "Then you tracked me down four years later, and.."

"Don't finish that sentence." Ash ignored the apparent disgust and contempt on her face—deciding to ignore her fears for the time being, in favor of the sliver of happiness that presented itself. For a little while they were okay. Now he only needed to figure out how to keep it that way.

"If you say so."

Changing the subject from anything but their relationship Misty nodded to the battle contestants. "...do you think they're gonna be okay?"

"Who?"

"Them."

Without much of a pause he nodded reassuringly. "Yeah. They're gonna be fine."

"...We're gonna be fine." He added quietly after, almost as an after thought. Beside him, her gaze shifted from watching him quietly, to the floor where a small amount of guilt flooded into her green eyes. She didn't think so.

But she didn't dare to tell him that right now.

 **Author's Note** :

Love makes you crazy, it makes you sick. What makes you more sick is after having problems over distance—they seem to fade away in person, because you aren't constantly wrapped up in your own mind, imagining what _could_ be happening. Ash and Misty are kind of like the ticking time bomb, and they need a diffuse soon.

Happy new year!

NINT


	22. Chapter 22: Serena and Bonnie

**Equanimity Chapter 22;**

"I should get a crown!" Bonnie laughed while falling backwards onto her seat in the overly crowded space in the pizza parlor that Ash more than likely paid for. After the _incident_ , where he disappeared for the last hour of the match—not that Bonnie noticed-he was attached to Misty's hip.

It was an eyesore for Serena who watched from a distance, never had to be _right next to it._ She was supposed to be okay, and successful in her own way—fight for Ash and prove how wrong Misty was for him.

...And for awhile, she shamefully thought, she was right. Ash and Misty, for whatever reason were not okay when she first arrived in Kalos—no, it started before that, when Ash was brooding around the pokemon center the last couple of days before the tournament. Now he seemed perfectly normal, all smiles and laughter—and jokes, and that inconsistent banter of sarcasm that Serena was still trying to get used to.

Ash wasn't the same Ash that she knew, but he was far from the person he was when they _fell in love_. She still treated him like a kid, someone who wasn't grown up—and while he was too blind to see it. Serena was not, she saw Misty for exactly what she was!

...She wasn't sure _what_ that was yet, but she saw the woman for it. Her and her scornful, boyfriend-stealing ways.

Serena stopped herself, rubbed her face and rested her elbows on the table. She, alone, was the only person making a big deal about this! A big deal about something she was supposed to be over. She was supposed to stand on her own two feet again, it was the dawning point of her decision to travel on her own—to move on. Clemont, and Bonnie, they were more than supportive. She wasn't familiar enough with Max, who seemed to brood about the idea they were all separating so soon.

...It wasn't like he even knew them that well, anyways. He was practically still a stranger to the three of them! But it wasn't like Serena was trying to get to know him, either.

These last few months were just her barely trying to survive. Losing the one aspiration she had since she was seven was a lot more jarring and worrisome than she would have ever imagined it could be; and the feeling clung to her like a dwindling fire that wouldn't go out.

"You know Bonnie, if you keep bragging your gonna get knocked off your high horse." Misty's voice cut through her thoughts. The woman sat perpendicular to her, the only available space at the end of the table that still seated her close enough to Ash, and far enough away from Serena to be comfortable.

They literally had not spoken a single word to one another. Not like they had anything to talk about. Misty liked battling, Serena like grooming. Misty liked arguing, Serena hated confrontation—they were almost total opposites, and the only middle ground they shared were their affections for Ash.

"I think I'm doing just find. I did take runner-up in that tournament after all, and I had the disadvantage in every match!" She cheered for herself, shaking her closed fists above her head until Clemont swat her on the back of the legs and forced her to sit back onto the table—where she immediately stuck her tongue out at him.

"You're acting like an ass."

She rolled her eyes. "I'm no-"

Clemont grew close to his baby sister, a situation Serena was getting used to when Clemont would scold her; he never did it openly, never wanted to embarrass anyone. She respected him for that.

"Not all of us did so hot, Bonnie." He whispered in her ear, and the sudden realization of her actions made her mouth clam shut, and her blue eyes fall mercilessly over Max, who was gnawing mindlessly on a set of fries, looking less glum and more dissatisfied.

"I'm sorry." She mouthed and Max's back straightened.

"What?" he laughed bitterly. "Oh, don't apologize. You should be excited."

That was a very noble statement from him, but the tension had already nestled itself into the group once more, aside from May, who clipped the last of the Kalos sausage from her plate, and Misty who shared a look with Ash, they sat in silence for the better part of a minute. A look that made Serena's stomach flip inside out.

"So this is your guys' last day in town then." Ash spoke, clearing the air—only to make it more suffocating. Her chest felt like it was being bolted down and she fought the need to hurl. Serena had never left Kalos before, and a part of her wasn't ready, knowing that she wasn't going to follow her intended dreams, and would instead try to find a new one.

"Well, not _mine_." Clemont scoffed with a nerdy chuckle that had snickers float around the table.

Since no one else felt brave enough to chip in, Bonnie did, with a wide grin that reminded Serena so much of Ash when he was younger. "Yeah, and I'm going to Kanto next!"

Misty's eyebrows rose.

"Really?"

"Yes! Since that's where Ash started, _and_ lost the first time—I thought it would be the best place to start—since the trainers must have been super powerful!"

Misty started choking on her laughter somewhere after 'super powerful trainers' and Ash's face deadpanned and the arm he had draped around her waist all night shifted into his lap and he looked away form the chuckling redhead. May shared a few rolling laughs with Misty—the sympathetic laughter that she offered to anyone, and Ash drummed his fingers against his arm.

"Yeah, _super powerful_." Misty wheezed, collecting herself while wiping a stray tear from her eye.

"I was ten Misty."

"You were a jerk." She hissed, containing her laughter by sliding her hand against her mouth. "But I'm sure you'll do great there even though Kanto has gotten a lot better in the recent years, so it'll be tough.."

Bonnie, who watched the scene confused shrugged. "Well I wouldn't know, Ash never really talked about it too much! I mean, up until the last week or so we traveled together, we didn't even know that you were a gym leader-So I don't know what to expect."

Misty tried not to let the comment get to her, deflect it with the best smile that she could, but both Ash and Serena saw the way the brimming light left her eyes at the realization.

"Bonnie, no talky." Clemont growled, this time with his fingers twitching.

"It's okay." Misty assured him immediately, still the better person regardless of the situation. "It's challenging, and our customs are a bit more... conservative than here in Kalos."

Bonnie paused. "What does that mean?"

"We put way more emphasis on the actual battle, and less on what you can learn from it."

Ash glanced at Misty, a possible jab at his new found precedence and support as 'teaching' trainers. Misty continued. "Gym leaders, for example, will tell you the lesson only after they've beaten you. Not during. I mean, Ash almost lost twice to Brock when-"

"Let's not talk about that!" Ash hissed, nudging her in the side. She didn't flinch.

"And if you use outside sources now, it's an automatic disqualification! Oh—and we can't just _give_ badges away for good behavior any-" Ash's hand slapped over her mouth, even though no one else knew the events in question, his reaction brought a chuckle.

"Are you implying that Ash was _given_ badges?" May stated holding her mouth. Misty slapped his hand away.

"All but two!" she crooned before he wrestled her down against the seat, still sitting up and covering her mouth with his hands and looking at his friends while Misty sat in a terminal of laughter.

"She's lying." Ash scoffed, with a necessary eye roll that made their lips purse. May pursued the disagreement.

"Well it makes _sense_ why you would never talk about that region then. You hate people knowing your disadvantages!"

"I was ten!"

"You were a bad—mppffh!" Misty shouted, beneath his hand and he let up a grin with rosy cheeks that forced the rest of the table into a fit of laughter. He scowled, he didn't appreciate being the butt of their jokes! While he was distracted with his own scowl, she pushed his hands away and sat up, shoving him gently back into his section of the booth—causing him to bump arms with May.

"Moral of the story." She brushed off the saliva that pooled at the corner of her mouth after licking his hand to get it move. He wiped it off on his jeans. "-if it's harder than you thought it would be, don't be intimidated."

"Why would _I_ be intimidated?" She asked and Misty folded her arms.

"Well it's always the overly boisterous ones that weasel out at the first struggle.

"Pfft, of course not!"

The laughter suddenly died away, as the threads of rivalry poured through the table. Misty clucked her tongue against the roof of her mouth and leaned forward with narrowed eyes.

"I mean if Ash was so bad, and he still got to the league then I'm sure I'll have no problem!"

"Hey" Ash muttered under his breath, equally as insulted as Misty, who was a gym leader there.

"So you think you can beat _me_ in a match?"

"I know I can!"

She breathed, or growled—Serena wasn't so sure when she watched from the sidelines, this moment of a brutal stare down.

"Actually, I bet I can beat you right now!" Bonnie threw salt in the wound and watched while Misty slipped out of her seat, and pressed her palms flat against the table.

"Misty, she's eleven-" Ash tried to reason with the red head, but her jaw locked stubbornly.

"Then let's battle!" She hissed and like that, the small gathering for Bonnie's victory was broken.

 **XOX**

Clemont and Serena were always going to vote for Bonnie—their reasons obvious; May and Max wanted to see Misty win—because they were both too good to say it, but Bonnie's pestering over confidence was getting on both of their nerves. Max's a lot longer than May's.

Ash was in the middle. He couldn't cheer for any one of them! He knew, at some level—or at least what he saw of her during the mishap on the boat where she was kidnapped, that Misty was no girl to be messed with—if her reputation spoke nothing of her at all.

Sure, it had been dragged through the mud the last couple of days...and because because of him no less... but, her battling skills, when put on display, spoke for themselves.

"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. Ending the day like this..." May muttered quietly while they gathered around the only lit battleground outside of the parlor they were in. Ash shrugged but Serena used this as her moment to lean in.

"She has way more experience than Bonnie—why would she even suggest a battle?"

"Does age matter?" Ash mumbled, he hated being in the middle of this. "Besides, Bonnie was..."

"Was...?" Serena challenged.

"Acting like a sore winner." Clemont spoke quickly, rolling his shoulders. "And she has been for the last couple of weeks... I'm... I'm okay with this." He said and Serena was apparently the only one _not_ going out of her mind!

"How are you okay-"

"Listen, Serena, I get it." He told her without mentioning _what_ he understood—the fact that she didn't want to see Misty succeed so close to any of them. "But she needs to learn this before she leaves, while she still has friends around otherwise..."

"We all need to lose at some point." May added with a smile, and a twist of her head that brought a light to her face. Serena understood her the least. She was either super-intellectual and hid it beneath a mask of naivety, or she was really that innocent. Her words didn't make her feel any better. Of _course_ Serena knew they needed to lose sometimes! She... She knew that better than anyone else! Her eyes fell on Misty, and she stilled her breath.

"Alright, it'll be a one on one battle. Since I'm the challenger, you can trade out your pokemon if you need to..."

"I won't need to!" Bonnie snapped, hands clenched at her sides. Misty offered her best smile in response.

"Right. We'll get right to it." Misty's lips twitched to hide her frustration. Each individual imagined another scenario—gyarados, starmie, politoed, seadra—which ever pokemon Misty used, they were levels higher than Bonnie—and while Bonnie was _good_ for her age, she was still new.

"Alright, then I'll use the natural defense against water pokemon—dedenne!" Bonnie smirked, snapping her fingers while the small mouse bounced from her shoulder and to the battle, electricity sparking around it. Misty's face drew into a line.

"Alright, then I'll use..." She hesitated, grasping at her pokeball belt and then flinging a ball forward without the typical Misty flare. Ash's expression softened. Apparently she out-grew the stage of kissing her pokeballs before the start of a battle.

"Totodile let's go!"  
"That's a johto pokemon!" May gasped, leaning forward to get a better look. Ash tried to hide his own concern at seeing the pokemon.

"Yeah, she probably...has a lot of those." He muttered in his best attempt to seem in the loop. Misty put her hands on her hip.

"He's actually the newest edition to my team, and needs some training."

"You think so little of me!" Bonnie whipped and Misty crossed her arms. However, the chance to rebut the confrontation lasted only so long before Bonnie followed her exclamation with an attack.

"Dedenne use nuzzle!"

"Totodile blast him away from you with a water gun!" Misty countered as the mouse rushed to the alligator, only to be sprayed backwards. He landed on his paws, soaked while totodile remained with the same composure it had prior. The total opposite of Ash's, which spent more of the battle dancing than standing!

"Lucky shot." Bonnie mumbled, then immediately recovered, as did dedenne. "Alright use thunder shock!"

Before the mouse could effectively charge the blast, Misty, with her arms still folded cracked a smile. "Totodile use scary face!" As dedenne charged his attack, totodile nudged forward with his jaw cranked open three sizes—twice the size of dedenne who flinched, and hopped away from the nearing pokemon.

"Dedenne, he's not going to eat you!" Bonnie barked, stomping her foot on the ground and watching as totodile snickered himself at Dedenne's reaction, holding his claws to his jaw while Misty tapped her heel.

"Fine, if you want to play dirty then we can, too! Dedenne use charm!"

"Totodile look away and thrash!"

"Don't look away!" Bonnie shouted, clearly not interested in the way Misty was _cheating_! She was supposed to battle tit-for-tat, not this baloney of reacting ahead of time! She was battling like...like! Before her inner complaints were made vocal, totodile rolled into dedenne, knocking the small mouse backwards, and into Bonnie's arms once again.

Not defeated, far from it, but... _she got it_.

"You win." She puckered her lips, biting down on her cheeks on the inside while Misty leaned forward, and sure her hearing was going out.

"You win, okay!" Bonnie added louder, "And I'm sorry."

"But the match-"

"I'm not gonna win." Bonnie hummed, then her disposition changed while letting dedenne up on her arm, and a confused totodile staring back at her.

"This is why I have to go to Kanto! To learn to react before I act! Ash battles the same way!"

A frustrated blush crossed Misty's cheek.

"I do _not_ battle like Ash."

"I would argue all of you do-! May, and Dawn and...and...!" Bonnie hummed, fists balled in front of her chest. "You think before the attack has even landed and counter! I want to learn to do that, too! That's why I admire you guys so much!"

"Uhh." Misty's hair poked out in different directions when she rubbed the back of her neck, the compliment spreading across May and Ash's faces too while they wriggled and covered their faces.

After a short time, Ash was the first to stand up, adjusting his hat. "I think you can do it, Bonnie!"

"Yeah." They chimed in one after another and she put her hands on her hips while approaching Misty at the center of the field, and sharing a handshake. Serena sat quietly, still seated while they passed pleasantries. The notion of friendship over a battle was strange for her—and yet, everyone else was _great_ at it.

"So...you're not mad at me for battling." Bonnie asked sheepishly.

"No way, I'm never upset at battling! Unless it's like battle or die...I don't like that very much."

Bonnie grinned. "I want to be the kind of trainer that can run into battle with everyone! So-" She looked at Clemont specifically. "So! I'm sorry if I'm brash and over confident! I have so much to live up to! And people to over come and things to see and-!" excitement over taking her body, she let out a cry of elation that would have rivaled a small, eleven year old Ash outside of Viridian City, following his match bringing him to the league.

"No one can stop me now!" She yelled, pumping her fists up and while Misty refrained from mentioning that she _almost_ did, because for a fraction of a second, it felt like watching Ash again—when he was young, and stupid, and...

While Ash moved forward with May, who was equally the egoist that Ash was when given compliments, the rest of them remained seated. Misty's eyes fell on Ash, seeing the intense frustration and worry that painted him. No one seemed to notice, but he seethed it off to present Bonnie with advice for her next adventure before her emotions caused her to implode from the inside out.

Misty returned totodile without so much of a thank you, her mind racing elsewhere when she retreated back to the group—people she wasn't especially close with. Serena was the most shocked by her sitting beside her, where Ash had been moments ago, and fought the need to leap away.

But Misty said nothing—she only looked at her lap, and gnawed on her lips and Max sat quietly beside her, wrapped in his own thoughts.

Serena's blue eyes stared down the image before her. Bonnie, a classic optimist and amazing trainer, surrounded by her mentor, and possible friend who shared that image in one way or another. While they were all different, talented in new ways, it was their personalities that gave them the edge above everyone else.

Clemont was no hero, he only barely decided to run the gym after his systems going down. Max was hanging onto a thread in battling, barely considered himself a contender. Misty was—well even if her battling was top-notch, she wasn't well liked. Serena could relate to that, _sort of_. Everyone liked her, helped her—but she fell short in the pokemon world. What made them different than May, and Ash, and even Bonnie, was their inability to get up again time and again.

 **XOX**

Goodbyes were hard, especially since they were being shared at a quarter to midnight. Bonnie was preparing to leave as soon as possible, at sunrise the next day, which meant she was heading south of the city to the airport, and would be staying at the local pokemon center nearest there. The gym was at the center of town, which during rush hour traffic meant Bonnie would be late if she didn't wake up a quarter to four, and at that point—what would be her reason for sleeping at all?

Clemont was the one who insisted that she find a pokemon center to sleep in.

"I'll go with her, since we're leaving early tomorrow, too." May muttered reassuringly to Clemont—who as he stated time again, was less worried about Bonnie than he was himself.

The brunette watched Ash expectantly—as did Bonnie who's bright blue eyes were difficult to say no to.

He shrugged apathetically. "I work in the morning guys, I'm sorry."

"It's okay! We know you have that bright new job to groom." May snorted gleefully—she herself being the only person who knew Ash's real feelings on the matter. He would stay if he could.

"Plus, it'll be fun to have a girl's night."

"I'm standing right here, May!" Max growled beside her who waved slightly with a chuckle.

"Oh, Max. You're like a girl." And her mock tone was reciprocated by a split second kick to the shin and May falling over.

"Oh my." Serena mumbled while May caught herself on the pavement and sent lethal eyes at her younger brother who started a shambled sprint to the pokemon center.

"You little-! Max! You get back here so I can pummel you!" She yelled while stumbling over her own feet to catch up with him.

"Guess that's our cue." Bonnie hummed, then spun around to look at Clemont with a wide grin, and collapsed her arms around him in a tight hug. In the last few months, she had grown past his waist, until her head rested at his sixteen-year old chest and she glowed beneath him.

"I'll miss you the most!" She sung delightfully. "Don't go finding a wife without me!"

Misty, having only heard Bonnie use the phrase a handful of times shared a concerned look with Ash who waved her question off with his hand. Clemont twitched, a red blush over his cheeks.

"I won't."

"And you! You two!" Bonnie gasped, her eyes falling on Ash and Misty.

A pause, leaving them hanging on the seats of her ambition when she walked near them to pat them both on the hands, and a hurried expression crossed her face.

"I don't want to see any small Ash Ketchum's for at least another year!" She sang dangerously, knocking the breath from Ash while he coughed and slammed his fist against his chest to kick start his heart, and Misty snapped her hand away from her.

"You are eleven, where did you learn-!"

"Byyyyeeee~" Bonnie hummed while waving at them and dragging an awestruck Serena with her. As their backs decent into the distance, Ash was still weeping with Pikachu at his side, completely embarrassed while Misty crossed her arms with a scowl and watched Clemont—if she couldn't scold Bonnie, then obviously the brother was at fault!

His glasses were fogged up, his lower lip was quivering, and tears clung to the corners of his eyes.

"Are you gonna cry?" Misty asked seconds before the waterworks commenced, and Clemont was in a fit full of tears and throwing himself at Misty for comfort.

"I'm going to miss her so much!" He whined, and Misty tried to pry his face away from her shoulder, where his tears immediately started to soak her vest.

"Ash-" She panicked, but he checked out and was still burying his face in his hands. "Ash!" She tried again, and looking down at Clemont she pat his yellow hair with a winded sigh.

This would be a long night.

 **XOX**

When the group of four arrived at the pokemon center, they spared little time for talk—most of them would see each other in the morning. May and Serena were going to fly out early noon, whereas Bonnie would leave at the first plane tomorrow. They would have a few minutes to catch up, then say their goodbyes, and that was it.

A new adventure, a new journey, and the terrifying feeling that came decorated with that sensation.

"See you guys bright and early." Bonnie smiled to them while ducking into the dark room, the last room she would share with Serena and Max, the last time she would see May in months—maybe years...possibly _ever_.

When she decided she would leave, shortly after Serena announced her own adventures away from Kalos, she didn't think it would be so hard. The frustration in her chest that she might really mess up—or the terror of a new region. Ash made traveling look so easy. Every new place was his new home, his new life. Bonnie couldn't let go like that. It hadn't been an hour, and she already missed Clemont.

She missed Ash, too; and Serena, and their small family.

She was only eleven—why was _she_ forced to grow up, just because they were moving ahead in their lives? She wasn't ready for their adventures to end, for them to _move on_.

In the kitchen below, she could still hear May and Serena talking beside the small bedroom; talking about what she could expect in the Hoenn region, and what the locals were like—and the food. May was absolutely sure to mention the many different kinds of cooking contests that Serena could participate in. May wasn't much of a cook herself, but she was a foodie—and a wonderful person.

She kept them together when she probably wanted to scream herself. Distracted Misty when she and Ash were clearly fighting. Helped Max—or tried to—when he was down on himself about the tournament, and was now spending time with Serena to cheer her up when she had clearly been distant since the redhead returned. Serena shut down when Misty was around, and they all embraced that knowledge.

They were getting through some rough times, the fact they could all still be friends afterwards was a blessing—even if they weren't _close_.

Now that they were all going their own ways, however, that blessing seemed unnecessary. Slowly, that same ignorant hatred she had for Ash's former traveling party and adventures reared its head, and she rolled over.

Sleep was not going to come tonight. But she wanted it too. After such an eventful day, her eyelids were beyond heavy, her muscles were sore, and dedenne snoring in her ear wasn't helping!

Forcing her eyes closed, she almost didn't hear the sound of frustration wheezing from the window to her left when she sat up with a start. A flash of lightning penetrated the dim curtains, and she crawled out of her covers to investigate.

From outside the window, behind the sheer curtains, she saw Max sitting backwards after what looked to be a mistake in planning, since part of the forest was on fire. Swearing followed next, and with the combined efforts of he and houndor, they pat the flames out with a loud sigh.

He was so peculiar. She wondered if everyone from the Hoenn region was as strange. Since he arrived, he was most oddly confident, and strangely inferior. He _knew himself_ and his pokemon, and cared for them deeply, but made no _real_ attempt to do more than that. She could see from the moment he followed them to the airport that he was more interested in understanding how pokemon worked, rather than how they battled.

It was a shame he didn't see that. She was only eleven and she could see it.

In fact, she saw everything. She saw the discomfort between Ash and Misty, the way her eyes never met his, and his longed after every touch and word. She saw the way that May lit up when Max did well, the way she brightened when her friends were smiling. She saw the way Serena distanced herself from her friends in attempt to be her own person. And she saw the way her brother loosened the reigns and let her go.

Because she wanted to see the world. Not because she was ready.

Turning from the window, Bonnie fumbled through the dark room to listen in on Serena and May's conversation.

"I thought you would stick around longer, you know, since you like to see the world."

"I do." May admitted quickly. "But I realized some things and... I kind of need to go to Johto as soon as possible now."

Stepping away from the light, Bonnie deduced that it would be better to leave the two alone, and instead, found her way to the window and cracked it open with her tiny hands, and crawled with great effort through the small crack. Landing wasn't gracefully, and she scrapped her knee on the stones below.

"They make doors for a reason." Max offered lightly, holding his pokemon in his lap while Bonnie dusted herself off and put her hands up.

"Doors are for squares."

Max laughed, but didn't offer a rebuttal. "You should get some sleep, you leave pretty early tomorrow."

"I know." Bonnie scoffed, dusting her hands off on her skort. "But how am I supposed to sleep with all that noise you're makin'?"

He looked up, worry behind his glasses and shuddered. "I'm sorry, I didn't."  
"I'm kidding." She hissed, slapping him on the shoulder and taking a seat beside him on the grass.

"I'm too excited to sleep... and oddly terrified."  
"Adventuring out on your own does that." Max grinned, recalling his first instance to leave his sister.

"You would know about that, huh? You traveled with May and ...Drew?"

Max nodded slowly.

"Must have been fun!"

"Are you kidding me? Traveling with my sister was a headache—and before they started dating it was a constant wheel of restrained emotions. Like those stupid soap operas on TV."

"Oh." Bonnie hummed and smiled. "That sounds-"

"And then _after_ they started dating—oh man—they wouldn't stop touching each other. It was like being the third wheel, but it was my _sister_!"

Bonnie clamped her mouth shut. "I don't get that, I would love if Clemont could find someone."  
"Pfft, that's because you're a girl. You're into all that romance-y stuff."  
"I am not!" Bonnie puffed her cheeks out. "I just want my brother to find the perfect bride! He's the sentimental one, not me!"

"Really?" He was so gullible, believed her immediately. Bonnie chuckled. "Well... Sort of."

"He did seem kind of involved with..."

"Shh!" Bonnie screeched, holding her finger to her lips. "You can't say that! He'll hear you!"

"He's like on the other side of town!"

"Yeah, but he _know_ s. I once tried to imply that he had special feelings for she-who-will-not-be-named and he didn't talk to me for a week!"

"Is that what that was about?"

"Yes!"

"...So, why does he care so much."

"Because her heart belongs to Ash." Bonnie muttered, staring down at her knees. "And...it sucks, because his belongs to Misty."

"Pfft, isn't that the truth."

"You know, if everyone could see things how we see them..."

"You would think they'd smarten up!" They both laughed at their friends misfortune. Every time they had to witness a _moment_ that went otherwise unnoticed by everyone siting in the room but them.

"We're just smarter because we still have fresh eyes."  
"Shut up, you're almost fourteen. That's like, ancient!"

"Yeah, in eight months." Max mumbled. "I'm still young enough to know more than them. I swear, once people become adults they lose their heads."

"Are we going to lose our heads?" Bonnie held onto her neck and Max rolled his eyes at her wit.

"Not so long as we remind ourselves not to overly complicate simple situations!" Max nodded confidently, expelling his mantra to another person for the first time. Not that he was the best at it in situations other than romance.

"I mean, how easy would it be if Misty walked up to Ash and said 'hey, you're kind of being a jerk'" He mouthed in a 'Misty' voice, which Bonnie followed with holding her fingers under her eyes to mimic Ash's lightning bolt birth marks.

"'well you were being a jerk first!'" She muttered in her best 'Ash' voice, trying to keep their snickers to a minimum.

"'Maybe we were both being jerks and we should apologize'"

"'but that would be too easy!'"

And before they could carry on their mock conversation, they both broke into an endless, tired laugh. Then the laughter died down into a pattered worry.

"I hope they don't kill each other." Bonnie winced and Max chuckled worriedly.

"I...I don't think they would. I mean, they've been friends for _years_ , if May and Drew can have a relationship without killing each other, then I'm sure they'll be fine."  
A pause.

"...Man, I'm glad I'm still too young to get into this kind of stuff. I wonder if there's a trigger that we hit when we reach a certain age that makes us insufferable to be around?"  
A look of panic funneled through Max's face. "What if I'm hitting that age already? May has already started teasing me about-"

Bonnie gasped, kicking up to her feet. "We have to cleanse your soul!"

"What?!"

"Don't worry, I know how!" Bonnie whined, running from him to grab the hose from behind the pokemon center and Max bounced to his feet.

"Bonnie! That's not funny!"

She didn't spray him—but she thought about it while she grabbed her knees and buckled over in laughter.

"C'mon, it was great." The way he bolted from his seat, and he and his pokemon almost ran.

"No it's not! I don't need a shower!"

"I didn't actually do it! Gosh, you're so sensitive."

"I am..." he folded his arms. "not."

"Are so!" She laughed gleefully with a point. "I bet you even cried after that match"

"I did—I..." Max relaxed, shoulders falling. "Maybe I did."

She wasn't expecting that response, and her humor died instantaneously.

"Oh... I'm sorry."

Then Max grinned. "You should be! Because real men wear their emotions on their sleeve!"

Bonnie sprayed him with the water hose a second later, which resulted in a high pitched scream.

 **XOX**

When they turned in for the night, Max had to do so after a hot shower to bring the feeling back to his toes, swearing off every known swear word he could think of while Bonnie pretended to be asleep in the bottom bunk.

"Max." Bonnie called to him, but he wasn't as appreciative when he answered, in fact, the grunt he made was laughable. "what are you going to do now?"  
"I dunno, finish the Kalos league, I guess."

Bonnie paused for a very long, uncomfortable time. She was sure that Max might have even passed out before she answered next. "...do you think you'd want to see Kanto again?"

At first, she wasn't sure that he had heard her, and felt silly in her bunk until his blue hair became visible from the top bunk, leaning over the railing.

"What?"

"Well." She hummed, the darkness hiding the flush of her face—thank goodness. "I just mean that we're both really young, and traveling alone can kind of be boring, and hey, no more adult drama."

He stared at her, with his glasses off, she could see the glimmer in his brown eyes, and the strong hint of distrust.

"Why would you wanna do that? We're clearly rivals."

"Offt." Bonnie started, but then immediately kept her comments to herself. "Well, we can still be rivals—but we can also work together! And besides, I can't cook." Surely Max could cook, it was the perfect excuse.

"Neither can I."

Bonnie pursed her lips, and narrowed her eyes. "Listen, just accept the invitation, I know you don't want to travel alone!"

"So you're inviting me because you feel sorry for me?" Max snapped, and then flung himself back over the top.

"No, I'm inviting you because I don't want to travel alone, either!"

He stiffened as she continued. "I want my own group, like Ash did! People I can depend on and get into trouble with!"

When he didn't respond, she finally turned over in her bed and puffed out her cheeks, trying to pat away the tears in her eyes. Was it so bad that she wanted her own classical adventure—to meet new friends on her travels that would aspire to do great things? Funny enough, she had no idea Max did, too.

"Alright, I'll go." Max hummed. "But only if you don't tell my sister."

"You got it!" Bonnie cheered, though she did not question why May knowing about the situation meant anything. Probably something about his earlier comment about teasing. "It'll be a blast!"

"If you say so." He mumbled, sitting on top of the bed with his arms crossed and face messed up in a blush. _I hope so_. He added as another thought, and squeezed his eyes shut.

 **XOX**

"And there's _a lot_ more water in Hoenn." May told Serena while sharing another round of poke puffs. "and we take battles seriously, but we're way more laid back than, say, the indigo league. Plus, contests originated from there, so there's a lot to pick from—I'm sure that some of them will..."

Serena was distracted, watching the television where Ash's words repeated over and over again, claiming that Serena was his _girlfriend_.

"It makes me sick." Serena hummed finally, jarring May's attention. "And I wish I could do something about it."  
"I know." May muttered. "But... they'll be alright."

"You know, sometimes I think leaving will help them. Staying off the grid for awhile, at least then no one can throw our faces around anymore."  
"It sucks though, doesn't it?" May asked. "I'm glad Drew and I don't get that kind of attention."  
"I don't know how he handles it."

"He doesn't." May said nonchalantly. "He ignores it. That's Ash's coping mechanism... if he ignores it long enough, maybe it'll go away—wasn't that what he tried with you?"  
Serena scoffed. "I guess you're right."

"It's a shame they keep doing this though. It wasn't like they didn't spend the rest of the day together."

"Let's talk about something else." Visibly uncomfortable, Serena switched the conversation and muted the television.

"Okay." May piped up. "What made you want to do contests?"

"They're the closest thing to showcases other regions offer, and it will give me a chance to train with my pokemon."

"That's awesome." May hummed. "I'm going to be a judge."  
"What?" Serena's eyes flared up to see May's dark blue ones while she stirred her drink with pursed lips. She let it slip so carelessly, Serena might have missed it if she wasn't listening. May, with her eyes brows knitted, continued.

"I'm sick of how they do things." May said, finding it easier to reveal her truths to Serena. "So I'm going to change it. I'm going to be a coordinator for contests."

"That's...really great." Confused as to why May would be telling her these things, she noticed the way her shoulders rose—May was testing the strength of her words with Serena, a guinea pig to her plans. Serena should have been insulted, but she felt an odd sense of comradeship instead.

"I know." May hummed. "I don't know _how_ , but I'll get there. I think there's like classes or something I have to take, so I'll have to enroll in some kind of pokemon school—and hey, I can ask my parents for money for that right after I introduce them to Drew."

"Oh... I'm sorry."

"It's fine." May hummed. "It just takes time. And a lot of effort and... You'll get there, too."  
"I hope so." Serena smiled, honestly for the first time in months.

"...I know so." She corrected and May shared a grin with her and then grabbed some more poke puffs.

"I'm sorry Ash picked Misty." May mumbled abruptly, recalling the events at his celebration party—her own misfortunes, mistakes, and finally a smile reached her eyes as Serena shrugged. "I love them both dearly, but I'm so sorry you were hurt because of it."

What was Serena supposed to say? _Me, too_ , _Ash should have picked me_? It wasn't true, Ash didn't love her, least not nearly as much as she loved him. No matter what happened to her, or them, she knew that now. It didn't make moving on any easier, or Ash and Misty's unbalanced relationship any simpler.

"Wanna watch Journey stories until we pass out?"

May cooed quietly, "Can we have a tub of ice cream?"

"Always." And their new friendship was sealed with a laugh.

 **Author's Note**

Nooo, I don't ship Max/Bonnie, BUT I do ship their friendship. I think that since they're the 'new generation' they would get along better than their main-character protagonist, who can't see the bright line in front of them. I really wanted to show that they -had- a friendship admist all of this, and that my vision of Bonnie is like OS level Ash, but _smart_. She's confident, and happy, and has dreams of her own to be a great pokemon trainer.

I opened the chapter with Serena's POV, because I felt she needed a moment to get into her head, and what she was thinking, and wrapped it up with her POV again.

I've been holding off on May's POV, because she's def and exposition character in these chapters, less of the main lighting, but the things she's 'seen and learned' are mentioned slightly by Bonnie. I feel like the anime sent Serena off for the wrong reasons, and her journey she be able self improvement for _herself_ , not for another person. So...i sort of fixed that in my own way -clears throat-.

Anyways, thank you all again for your reviews. Hope you're still enjoyign the story (even if it's a little dramatic atm?)

NINT


	23. Chapter 23: Ash & Misty Pt 1

**Equanimity Chapter 23**

Clemont departed shortly after May and the rest of the group. He was off to embark on his own gym leader adventure, with new technology and inventions at every corner. He made a quip about science, said quick goodbyes, and vanished into the night.

Misty felt that there had been some disappointment that Ash didn't seem as heartfelt in their goodbye, but Clemont had already accepted that Ash had been somewhat distant since the beginning. After the party, Misty knew that it was hard to imagine any of Ash's new companions feeling _special_ , Ash had so many of them it was...it was a bittersweet goodbye.

Ash and Misty were both happy for him as they waved goodbye, standing at the end of the street leading to Prism Tower. On a road less traveled, he saw many different people walking the busy streets below the tower, but, the silence that funneled between them was astute. Frightening.

"...So." Ash started, glancing at Misty who stuffed her hands into her dark blue jean pockets and curled her lips into her mouth.

"So..." She echoed while popping her lips and Ash kept his eyes forward while they made their way back to _where ever_ in the dark. Without speaking they started walking for awhile, clearing the air with pikachu trailing slowly behind. Ash hadn't the nerve to tell her that he wasn't sure where they were going, and she didn't seem to mind; so he kept the fact to himself while they circled the pokemon park _again_.

But it was eating him up—did he do something? Was she going crazy or something? Was there something going on at Cerulean City he wasn't aware of that made her act...so strange? Or maybe this was who they were now. Jagged pieces that didn't fit together properly anymore, and the glue was running thin. He finally glanced up at her, seeing her brows knit together—deep in thought herself.

"...are we...?" heart pounding, Ash watched light hit her eyes.

"Look!" Misty gasped, pointing to a shop in the distance that he couldn't make a name of. She was gone in a flash. Even though all the lights were off, the street lamps above them cast light through the windows. Misty peered in with her nose pressed against the clear glass when Ash made his way over. He hadn't bothered to read the sign, instead, he peeked in after her.

"...Bikes, Misty?" He asked, raising an eyebrow at her when a twinkle formed in her eye. Pikachu carelessly chuckled on his shoulder while Misty turned around to glare at the two of them.

"Yeah, Ash, _bikes_."

"Aren't you a little old to-"

"Don't even finish that sentence." She snarled while pointing with her index finger at one in the back of the display. It was red, with a small basket in the front that reminded Ash far too much of the ruined bike from his childhood. Maybe that was why she liked it so much.

"Looks like your old bike."

"That _is_ my old bike." She rolled her eyes jokingly, _how dare he not know that_. "The cycle-master 2000 with two adjusting levels, mountain tires, and-" She glanced at him, witnessing the guilt there before shoving him playfully.

"It was 10,000 dollars? What the heck did you buy that for!?" he shouted in his stupor when Misty walked away from the bike shop with a laugh, wanting him to follow.

"Well, mine was more like _five_ , but that was a few years ago."

"No wonder you were so mad, that's a lot of money."

"Yeah, I know."

"Terrible excuse to follow me though." he snapped before she got the edge on the topic, and she shot him a sideways glare, but then smiled.

"I know." She sighed. "but I couldn't leave you out there alone, you might have died without me. I mean, did you _see_ my bike? You probably _should_ have been dead."

"Pika!" the mouse whined unappreciative of her comment, Misty swayed her hand at him, and pat the pokemon nicely on the head in response.

"I know, it wasn't your fault, pikachu." She hummed biting her tongue at how tiny and cute the mouse appeared on Ash's broader shoulders. "But, you have to admit, your trainer is accident prone. If Brock and I hadn't come along, I don't want to think what _might_ have happened."

"I would have _been fine_!" Ash tried, glaring at her. "And with a lot less arguments from you."

"You would have made it as far as the Viridian forest and blown up."

"Would not." he argued, but she poked her tongue out when their hands touched.

"You would have. I mean, you threw a caterpie at a p-"

"Let it go, Misty." he squeezed her hand affectionately, warning her with a _look_ that resulted in roaring giggles while pikachu held his tongue, and they kept walking.

For hours, they walked. Until the trickle of people vanished, the booming, distant sound of the busy nightlife faded, and they were alone somewhere in the city. They didn't talk, or hug, or take out those horrible pent-up teenage hormones that boiled into their adult lives. They _walked_ , hand in hand, and wherever their feet took them.

"...Remember how easy it was back then?" She asked suddenly, jarring Ash from his trance.

"Easy?"

"Yeah." Misty smiled, "The traveling, the excitement—it seemed that no matter where we went as children, people needed our help—or _let us help them_ , you know?" Her eyes lit up like the lamps above them, but he kept the notion to himself and nodded in response.

"But, it seems like now that we're older, and _probably_ more equip to handle the many situations that we were thrown into as kids—people avoid us like the plague." She released her hand from his to jump onto the brick railing beside the small stream running through city and Ash crossed his arms over his chest in thought.

"...Maybe they realized that we're just as messed up as they are, so what's the point?" Misty winced, feeling as if he was channeling some of her pessimistic views.

"Or maybe we don't see that people need help as easily—I mean." Misty inhaled, jumping down, and directly in front of Ash, her eyes gleaming and narrowed. "When was the last time you _saved_ someone, Ash Ketchum?"

He grinned. "Outside of the whole Kalos league?"

"No, I mean." She whirled back. " _helped_. Solved a mystery, went out of your way to find a missing pokemon, jumped head first into a situation that you knew nothing about thatdid _not_ pertain to your immediate goal?"

Ash's mouth opened, then closed. He couldn't think of any.

"Well, I guess that's what happens when you grow up?"

She didn't reply after, not right away, anyways. Her shoulders stayed high, back facing him while they ventured into another direction that brought them into downtown Lumiose City. The street lights were aglow, and they could see some straggling trainers gathering their bags to meet curfew at the pokemon center—the perks of being over sixteen meant he didn't have curfew anymore. Lucky for him.

When his eyes returned to Misty, she stopped, staring at the Prism Tower where this started, and Ash spun to look at her.

"Growing up kind of sucks, doesn't it?" She sighed painfully, her chest falling and the hope and excitement in her eyes dying.

"Sometimes I feel like I'm not doing a very good job." She added under her breath while Ash stuffed his hands into his pockets.

"Are you okay, Misty? You seem _crazier_ than usual?" Humor coated his tone, but the gaze he received in turn was nothing short of every emotion humanly possible at the exact same moment.

"I'm over compensating."  
Ash had a hard time keeping a straight face when he snorted. "What?"

"Well," she hummed, walking once again. "I figured that since you've been a stick in the mud, someone has to keep things lively."

 _What?_ "A stick in the mud?" He echoed, and that was only the first issue with her statement. "Lively? You consider making me question my sanity _all day_ lively?"

"Oh c'mon!" She dodged the question, "I've seen pregnant rattatas with more enthusiasm than you lately!"

"Well!" Ash threw his hands up, while Misty pranced away from him with her arms crossed.

"I mean," She stammered. "If _you're_ enjoying this cardboard cut out of a person where you have to be perfect and heroic all the time—the perfect champion-then that's _great_! It's just.. it's weird."

"Weird?" Ash echoed, reaching her pace. "I'm _weird?_ You're being _weird_! I'm not perfect, or _cardboard_ or...hey, I'm—Misty!"

She stopped in front of a very large poster pressed against the brick wall of one of the shops, and Ash came to a complete stop while looking at it. A portrait—of him—next to all of his pokemon, with the perfect super hero smile, hands on his hips and a quote above about reaching his dreams.

 _Someday, I'll be a pokemon master_. _Never give up_.

Ash's eyes fell back on her while her shoulders stiffened.

"...yeah, but that's just what people say about me—you know me better that, Mist." he muttered while following her closely behind. Misty shrugged in response.

"Since when did what they say matter, anyways? It's not like they-" A news paper almost flew past his head, but he caught it. "Hey, what's the big deal!" He shouted at her while she reeled around to point at the article that was apparently _front page_ worthy and then scampered away while his eyes gazed over the page.

Fitted with some _bogus_ story, but maybe not too far from the truth, were pictures of Ash and Misty's _estranged_ relationship. Misty fleeing with May inside of the tournament, their awkward greeting—the tension between them when they were watching the match. And of course, the _slip_ , when Ash announced Serena as his _girlfriend_ once again, which lead to a multitude of photo shops showing disdain between Serena and Misty. Not true. They hardly even spoke at the event. He hated seeing this. It wasn't like he had any control over what people said about him.

"Why would you show me this?" He asked, bemused, then insulted. Seeing her grim expression forced him to gulp, and try to make light of the situation. "And this just happened today, where in the world do they find the time to..."

When he looked up, her face was dark, her lips curled into a frown, and her body slumped while she stared at him, watching as the pieces connected.

"...None of this means anything." he tried, but she didn't believe a word of it.

"You tell me that I don't tell you everything, well, now I'm telling you." She muttered, as if she was okaying the scenario with herself before telling him. She brushed her hair from her face, and kept her arms calmly at her sides while facing him.

"It doesn't mean anything to you, because they aren't _attacking you_. They're attacking me, and it affects my way of life, and my reputation, and _my gym_. " She crooned and Ash tossed the paper in the bin before she could snatch it away from him.

" _I_ know the articles are just bait, and silly and most of the time completely crazy—but other people don't."

"So tell them it's not true." Ash argued, as if it were that easy. It should have _been_ that easy.

"You don't think I've tried that?"

"Well, what do you want _me_ to do about it?" He shouted, throwing his arms up.

"I don't know!" Came the surprising answer and he looked down at his toes while they walked forward once again.

"It was just... Everything was easier back then. When we were still kids on an adventure, we didn't have to worry about what was said about us because it didn't matter! People didn't know, didn't care— _we were just kids on an adventure_... It didn't hurt us..."

Ash looked up, then rushed to her side, and grabbed her hand ungracefully. "Then let's go on an adventure."

"What?" She shrieked when Ash pulled her forward against their aching, tired bones.

"Where it doesn't matter, and they can't say anything!" he laughed, and while Misty tried to keep her stern expression, she found it melting away with her breath.

"Ash! Stop pulling me!"

"No!" he laughed in response, and she threw her head back in acceptance, the victim of his charades.

 **XOX**

One collective date later, they were sitting outside at a quarter after one, sipping on soda, bought from the twenty four hour convenience store, and kicking their feet back and forth on the bridge over looking the city. They sat, looking down at the occasional car pass by the interstate, and at the distant airport, and the encompassing forest.

"I would argue that this is a better view than from the tower." Misty chimed in gleefully and Ash chuckled.

"Less people, too." Ash added while munching on a stray chip from their shared bag of not-so-healthy snacks.

Misty paused for a moment, and raised her eye brows."Not really an adventure though."

"It's the middle of the night and you _refused_ to take a hike through the forest."

"I don't like bugs. Can't see them in the dark." said Misty instantly, with wide eyes. Ash rolled his eyes playfully.

"My point is that I tried. Besides, it was kind of funny when that guy didn't recognize me and started hitting on you."

"Or," She rolled her eyes. "he recognized you and didn't care."

"Pffth. I doubt that. No one would hit on _my_ girlfriend."

"I'd hit on me."

A pause.

"Is there something you need to tell me?" they shared a look at their combined sentence, followed by a laugh and then Misty dropped one of the marshmallows they purchased from the bridge, trying to catch one of the cars.

"Blast, they drive too fast."

"I think we need something heavier." Ash muttered while tipping his slush over the side, only to have Misty jerk is hand away.

"I don't want to cause and accident!" She roared in laughter, accidentally knocking purple tinted syrup all over Ash's jacket.

"Awh man, thanks." he grumbled, setting the drink off the side and peeling off his over jacket.

"Sorry." She chuckled and he glared at her. _She sounded so sincere about it_.

"So." She started after a few beats of silence. "What _does_ league champion Ash Ketchum do?"

Ash scoffed, his gaze shifting wearily at her, and then back to the ground below. His forehead hit the railing, his hat long-sense turned back wards.

"Take orders, mostly. The Elite Four tell me where to go, I follow orders. It's a pretty done deal. The regional champion barks orders, and the chief executives of the league make new events for me to go to that the regional champion is too busy wallowing in his own money to come to." he paused vehemently. "In my spare time, I get to put in my two cents about tournaments, get ignored, put in my two cents about infrastructure, get ignored, but in my two cents about rules, regulations, blah blah blah _blah—get ignored_." She chimed in with him during the last comment. They shared a look, but then Ash tucked at the strands hanging lose from his gloves with a slouch.

"I don't— _can't_ battle unless it's certified by the league, when I do, it's behind closed doors. I can't give away _free_ advice, I have to go to those stupid pokemon schools for those silly lectures that we avoided when we were kids. And that doesn't even touch on the social aspect. I can't get ten feet out of my hotel—that's right, Misty Waterflower, I'm living in a hotel—without being chased down by a mob of fans!" Ash rolled his shoulders.

"I mean, at least when they didn't know me I could go out for a burger—but instead I'm stuck with all this french-based food served around the clock—I swear if I eat one more poke puff I'm going to forgo eating for the rest of my life, and _I love food_."

After short breath, he exhaled. "...I guess...It's not anything like I expected it to be."

Misty waited for him to finish before speaking.

"...have you considered challenging the Elite Four for that adoring title of Regional champ?"

"You kidding me? They would slaughter me."

Misty's brows furrowed. "No way."

"Kalos is home for mega evolution. I have exactly two stones: one for charizard, thanks Paul, one for pikachu if I ever evolved pikachu." The mouse's ears perked up, and Ash pat him in assurance, he would never do that. "—and of course, my connection with greninja, _but that doesn't cut it_. They're just as strong as me, and they've been doing it twice as long—plus, at least two of them are undefeated because Diantha has been there for awhile."

Misty waited minute before speaking. "...you done?"

Ash shrugged, or slumped, either way, it was a nod. "I guess."

"I'm sorry. I didn't know about any of this. You sound miserable."

Ash touched his face, squeezed his eyes shut and then looked at her weakly.

Ash smiled. "...to be fair, I didn't tell you."

"Now who is keeping secrets?" Misty grinned, but it was squished by his dark glare.

"I guess I didn't want to. You know. Admit that I have problems. I'm Ash Ketchum _I don't have problems_." At least that was something they could agree on.

"At least none that you can't solve?"

"Exactly!" He added quickly, then faltered into silence once again. "Then there's everything with you, and I just..." unable to listen to the end of that sentence, Misty chickened out, and bumped his shoulder with her own.

"Hey, why don't we go get some hot cocoa, my treat." snapped out of his funk, Ash blinked at her.

"There isn't a shop open at this hour."

"Didn't you just say this hotel of yours has around the clock service?"

His eyes lit up, so she continued.

"And, and- _-Maybe_ if you asked them, we could even use the kitchen to cook up some of this ramen we bought."

Ash snorted, and smiled in spite of himself. "I would still like to live there after this night is over. Can't do that if you burn the place down." he uttered under his breath, earning a cup-o-noodle soup thrown at his head in response.

 **XOX**

The _Richissime_ hotel was far larger than Misty could have ever imagined. Bright lights hung from the tip top of a thirteen story building. A small cafe sat at the side, beside a shop, beside a dinner, beside—how in the world did they fit so much into one building? There was even a lobby before the _real_ lobby to ensure that no one else outside of the _upper class_ were getting inside. Once they were located inside of the real lobby, while Ash tucked his card back into his wallet, Misty was floored.

Ash pointed to a small pub at the center of the many assortment of extras while taking her by the arm.

"That's where I got drunk that night I called you... and that's where I buy food from Kanto because they won't actually serve it to you in this forsaken place—and over there is where I restock my pokeballs—oh, and you haven't even seen the luxurious amenities; we have two pools, three spas—not including personal ones, two gyms—not pokemon, phew, you don't wanna make that mistake—and a pokemon camp and center just around the corner on the second floor."

Misty looked at him as if he grew another head from his shoulder and the obvious sarcasm he had was apparently lost on her. He pursed his lips. "...I have heard them tell this to me _a lot_." He laughed and Misty made an _o_ with her lips and then laughed.

"For a minute there I thought you learned something about advertising."

"Oh boy have I ever. Did you know they also offer 201 different french cuisines, none of which resemble anything of home—oh, and not to mention the sixteen different variations of cutlery, all for your eating pleas-"

She stopped him by putting her hand up against his mouth—to which he instantly slobbered on her.

"Stop now, you're being annoying." she chuckled but he rolled his eyes boyishly.

"I'm just saying. If you want to be enthralled in Kalos traditions; you've stepped into the correct hotel. You should love this place—it's all French based." He muttered while they walked into one of the five glass elevators, and Misty crossed her arms.

"If you're so miserable, why don't you go somewhere else?"

"...did I mention the ten foot rule of leaving this place?—I mean, I guess now that I know that there _isn't_ a mob waiting for me a quarter after whatever time it is, I'll have to make a note that this is the only acceptable time to leave the establishment."

"You've been watching too many commercials." Misty said with narrowed eyebrows.

Ash blushed, rethinking his words; "I know, I can't turn it off."

"Pikachu pi." The mouse chuckled while Ash leaned against the railing to collect his thoughts. "They do have really nice room service though, that I stopped using after the first week—but hey, maybe we should just-"

"Ash. Stop." She breathed, latching onto his shoulder to stop his bubbling bundle of nerves from exploding from his mouth. He was clearly nervous. "This isn't going to be weird. I've been in your room before. Heck, I used to sleep beside you every night for three years, and we've even shared clothes. Stop freaking out."

"It's just... different now." He mumbled, and Misty rolled her eyes.

"It's only different if you _make_ it so."

He shrugged. "If you say so..."

 **XOX**

He unlocked the door with the card pass, and pressed the door open quietly to reveal what has been his home for the last few months, Misty stepped in quickly rushing past him to look inside before he managed to hide anything. Clothes were strewn around from every corner, pikachu made a bed out of them on top of the television stand. At the corner was his desk, full of important papers collecting dust beside a square couch, next to the mini-fridge and microwave stand. An assortment of lamps decorated the room, with ancient drawings from Kalos years earlier, and the fragrance of...

"Ash, your room stinks."

"I told you!" he barked and Misty stepped over a few of his shirts that he needlessly picked up as she moshed inside. His bed sheets were messy, his pillows strewn around the full length of the bed. On the nightstand beside, he had several remotes, two books that Misty couldn't see the title of, but thought they looked strangely familiar. Then neatly tied up and placed in the corner was his traveling gear, undisturbed since she came to see him the first week.

Without further input, she turned sharply into his washroom, and peered inside at the glowing, white tile, spotless curtain and bathtub, several girly products that Ash clearly didn't bother to use, and the rest of his live-in hygiene products and towels. Surprisingly, it was clean, and smelled nice.

"Your bathroom is larger than my apartment bedroom." Misty quipped while Ash returned from cracking the window and yanking her out of the white room.

"I always forget that you live an apartment now."

"I know, I'm all grown up." She added while dropping their supply of junk food onto the foot of his bed and taking a seat while he paced to the microwave, grabbed a few stray forks, and Misty tossed him two containers of dry soup. Ash disappeared into the bathroom for a moment, where she heard the water running and seconds later, he emerged with two cups of noodles, and after crossing his room of freshly ruined clothes, he plopped them into the microwave.

"So." Misty hummed. "The Richissime is a famous hotel worldwide. Why in the world would you be living in a low-class suite when you could have one on the upper floor where they have a lounge, and fire places?"

Ash scoffed while turning to her, a fork in his mouth. Not surprised that she knew a little bit about the hotel already. Girls dreamed of coming here.

"I don't cook." he explained quickly while scooping up his _business_ attire from the floor and tossing it into an unused hamper beside his desk. "I don't have many hobbies, I don't spend hours in saunas or pampering myself—I don't read-" He snatched the books she was _innocently_ checking out and slammed them into the first drawer of the desk before she could read the titles. "-I don't need a lot, so I live with little. Plus, they offer me free food and laundry services—though I've noticed that some of my underwear hasn't been coming back-" he looked off to the floor where pikachu rolled his dinner bowel out from beneath Ash's bed—where the pokemon's stash was, and Ash naturally found the can of pokemon food to fill his bowl.

"Anyways, this is good enough."

"It smells."

"Yeah, well, you can thank James for that. I can't get the smell of his vomit out of my carpet. It'll air out after the window-"

"That's so gross." She snickered while Ash shot her a dirty look and she grinned at him.

"I'm sure your house is _very_ clean."

"It is! ...Most of the time." She laughed, beginning to gather his discarded clothes, and plop them into the basket—a deed Ash was not to happy with.

"I can clean myself."

"I know, but what the heck. I like to help."

"Liar." he swore at her and she offered a very sincere, and modest smile that made his heart flutter under the gravity of the situation they were in—but weren't in—that Ash kept nodding off of by leading into new topics and..

"H-hey! The food is done." Ash practically launched himself toward the microwave when Misty grabbed his hand and stilled him.

"Ash, you're such a baby."

"I am not." he breathed, but there was no denying his nerves. They were just fighting, or doing something, they definitely weren't on _good terms_. This was all so strange. Misty went from being docile and cranky, to alive and happy—to angst and angry, to gleeful and supportive. It was too much, and he wasn't sure how much more of this spin cycle he could take.

"Misty, I'm just trying to..."

"Sit." She ordered and Ash did so without complaint as she took a seat beside him, and scooped the plastic bag of goodies onto the floor, where a pinning pikachu wandered into shortly after. Ash's heart thundered so loudly he could barely hear the rattling of the bag as his eyes made their way to hers with one startling revelation: she looked just as nervous as he was.

"If you make a big deal about this. It will be awkward." She groaned, and Ash raised his eyebrows and then looked away to the television.

"Wanna watch TV?"

Misty sighed, a smile on her lips.

"Sure."

 **XOX**

They were at their best when they were together; least, that was what Ash told himself. He was starved, the smell of chicken broth making his mouth water, but unable to move. Misty was snuggled into his side while they found safe ground to watch a movie on. No blankets, lots of pillows, sitting up, and his arms were planted neatly on his lap while jokes from whatever movie Misty picked out squawked mockingly at him.

His breathing stalled in his chest, and he could feel her leaning against him, head on his shoulder, but his body had long forgot the drum of his heart, or the fog in his head—and was replaced by the feeling of _hunger._

"You hungry?" he finally belted out after the first hour of complete silence.

"Not really." She murmured, gazing at the television, lifelessly. She was tired, he could tell by the bags under her eyes that she needed sleep, but she wasn't, for whatever reason. This would all be easier if she would just shut her eyes. A snoring Misty he could handle, a no-space between them, eyes wide open, can feel and hear every movement she makes, was one he _could not_ ; but they _had_ been this close before, a long time ago, at a movie theater.

But the movie theater wasn't in a small, enclosed space on _his bed_ watching a small screen with pikachu asleep in his Ash-clothes fort and cold soup in the microwave. They weren't divided only by the fabric they wore, and they had a dead line and people watching them and...

"I'm _really hungry._ You sure you don't want something?"

With a groan, something akin to a sigh, she sat up so Ash could run away to the microwave to retrieve the long forgotten—super soggy soups that he had no intention of eating, and carried them back to the bed where he took a seat that kept them separated by a few inches, and then _clung_ to the soup container without much thought. Mindlessly watching pictures of girls flutter across the screen wearing dresses—that popular actress Misty adored playing an undercover cop in a beauty competition that he couldn't remember the name of. When did it become like this?

"Uhh, Misty." he finally croaked, and at her wits end, she sat up.

"I'm going to go have a shower."

"But you don't-" She indicated to the small bag that she brought with her, that she _carried_ with her all night, that he so easily forgot about and shut his mouth.

"Never mind."

Without further words, she ventured into the bathroom, and Ash waited as long as the water turning on before running to the balcony and throwing out the rest of the cups into the outdoor garbage. Pikachu met him at the door way.

"Pikac, pika chu chu. Pikachupi pi pika." The mouse scolded with his tiny arms crossed while Ash ventured to his desk to grab a bottle of discarded air freshener to spray on the carpet where he _thought_ James barfed.

"Listen, I know you're trying to help, Pikachu, but believe me. I'm fine."  
"Pikachu... chu pika."

"I am _not_. That's _weird_ and. Did you kiss your mother with that mouth?" He snapped upright while pointing at a snickering pikachu who snipped at his trainer while climbing back into his fort.

Pikachu whined laughable from his fort, and mocked Ash while he glanced at the clock.

"You're right, I don't know what I'm doing." 2:30amglared back at him from his digital clock, and he rolled over on his side with a pout. He would just close his eyes for a few seconds to clear his head, and then all of this would be better. _Easier_. He just couldn't sleep with her around—all he needed were a few minutes and he would be right as rain.

A few minutes...

 **XOX**

Ash woke up when hands pat down his jeans, the sound of his fly coming unzipped forced him to spring out of bed.

"What's going on?" he scrambled for this thoughts, noticing that both his hat and his shoes were missing. He spun around to see the culprit, Misty, staring at him awestruck, a slight blush over her cheeks while she held the discarded items. Ash's face met her blush.

"A...a dream." he grumbled quietly, and her face turned three shades darker.

"A dream!?" She hissed, then folded her arms. "Don't be so crude! I was trying to take your pants off so you could sleep! You can't sleep comfortably in jeans." she gestures to her own cotton, super-baggy togepi themed pajamas.

"Ahh" Ash started, his face darkening. "I'm just fine thank you." he added and Misty wheeled over to him, still stunned from sleep when she dropped his shoes beside his hamper, and his hat onto the top. With a quick glance around, he noticed that she took the liberty to clean the rest of his small room, but none of that mattered while she waved effortlessly at him.

"Whatever, I'm going to sleep." She hummed while falling onto his bed, and kicking the covers up and around her, clearly as distressed as he was. He looked to the clock, almost two hours had passed since he saw it last, and he rubbed his eyes. Her hair poked out from beneath the sheets tied into the high ponytail he knew so well from their childhood.

"Sorry." he grumbled, turning away from her to take a seat on the couch. As if reading his thoughts, she turned around to face him.

"Ash, don't be weird about this again."

He looked over at her, where her puffy, sea-green eyes, blood shot from what he could only assume was exhaustion glared at him from the seas of his endless covers.

How could he say no to that?

Without a word, he climbed over to her with the familiar skill of crossing his room in the dark passing through him naturally as he ditched his pants on the way to the bed, and crossed under the covers before his brain could argue with him about it.

Her arms sprung for him the second his head touched the pillow, and pulled him into a heavy hug while her head slumped against his shoulder.

"Goodnight." he murmured, thankful for the bed. He hated sleeping on the couch—or the floor while she got...

"'night." She whispered and Ash felt a dampness on his shirt he wasn't familiar with, but was far too tired to recall.

"Misty." he called to her, finally wrapping his arms around her shoulders and shifting so that he was facing her, eyes closed and pulling her head into his chest.

"Are we okay?" He asked again, but didn't remain conscious long enough for the answer.

 **Author's Note** :

So they finally reached a point of not crashing and burning. I wanted to show more of their friendship aspect in this chapter, since it's been so blargh. PLUS, we finally got some insight into Ash's world that I've been so super-secret about so far! Weee~

Next chapter!

 **Real talk about this story** :

I was waiting to upload this one because I kept telling myself I was going to write chapter 24 as well and post them as a pair, but instead I think I'm going to wait only because I haven't picked at the chapter well enough and there's some things that happen in the next chapter that I want to be sure are not too off the wall. There's lots of little foreshadowing in this chapter that hopefully you, the readers, won't forget by the time we get to the next chapter! I've edited this one several times and think that I am finally comfortable in posting it. And am finally ready to announce that this story is headed in a direction to (spoilers, no one asked for this one) create a part three.

I'm mainly wanting to create a part three because I've written the full outline for this story and.. well, it's no secret to those I've spoken to about this story, it's been -really- difficult to write. In my opinion, even after this story is -done- it's still not complete. Typically, I would just merge the two ideas together to form one story, but in the case of Spitfire, Equanimity and my current idea of part 3, each story has a 'theme' that is specific to the one story. (see, it's funny that I've thought this much about these things since Spitfire started as a JOKE. Oh man, send help) If I start combining what I want from part 3 into part 2, then it's, well, I just don't want to. I want to get Equanimity over with, and then write part 3, which in many ways, I already feel like is the sequel that Spitfire actually deserved.

Everyone who has ever written has that -one- story that no matter what they do they just don't care for it, unfortunately for me, Equanimity is mine.

Thanks always for reading and leaving feedback and any favs and follows -hearts-

NINT


	24. Chapter 24: Ash & Misty Pt 2

**Equanimity, chapter 24**

When the alarm went off in his ear, he heard it, but made no move for it. The sun had long since risen, and Ash was trying to negotiate with himself a fair reason to get out of bed.

He could think of none.

His face was buried into his pillow, and he was certain that yesterday was something of a dream until he moved his arms and felt the soft body of Misty sleeping there, beside him. Suddenly, every nerve in his body was on fire when she groaned near his ear, and her breath trickled down the bare flesh of his neck, and into his shirt. Warm chills sent shivers down his spine, into the pit of his stomach, and he twisted, to find that her arms were wrapped up and around his body in a choke hold.

"Your phone." She whined above a whisper.

Ash didn't move to grab the device. Eventually it would stop, and as far as she knew, he wasn't awake. They could slip back into the quiet, peaceful rest they found themselves in. A few seconds later, he found himself correct. The ringing ended, and an adamant Misty laid lifelessly in his arms once more.

More awake now than ever, he held her close—her torso was squished against his, their legs were a tangled mess of limbs and while one arm was propped under a pillow, the other was happily draped around her bare waist. Her shirt had wrinkled up in the night, and he breathed to stifle the excitement in his chest. Misty was so soft and toned, he couldn't imagine how he ever got to sleep being this close.

He blamed Brock for putting thoughts in his head since they were traveling companions in Sinnoh. Last night, sleep egged him on, dulled his mind and senses, but after the few hours of sleep he had, even his heavy eyelids weren't distraction enough. She was too warm against his body, too close, breathing too calmly. His mind was groggy and a little confused, but his body was alert. His hand slowly grazed her flesh, fingers twisting up and around to her bare upper back and listened to the gentle puff escape her lips.

The scoldings his mother would give him if she found him like this. Even with her adoration of Misty, this was...

The phone started ringing again, and this time Misty's eyes fluttered open, as did his.

When two conscious minds met for the first time that moment through the pits of brown and green orbs, they both parted like the red sea. Ash made absolutely sure to keep the blankets straddled around his waist while Misty clumsily raced to the bathroom, tripping once. And still the ring berated his ears. He didn't need to look to know it was the league trying to get a hold of him.

Misty walked back out of the washroom with a toothbrush stuck between her teeth.

"You gunn' get that?" She slurred, her eyes still foggy. Ash hadn't so much thought of the awkwardness between them—mostly because he couldn't feel any. It felt so oddly specific and _normal_ to wake up to close to her. To see her standing across the room brushing her teeth and waiting for an answer.

"Nah." he finally decided, slapping himself in the face. It wasn't like he had any events planned for this weekend. Misty was coming—he was sure to clear his plate. Not a thing he needed to-

His eyes snapped opened, and he was twisting over her side of the bed without warning, clapping his hand onto his phone.

"Hello?" he groaned after a quick swipe. While the woman on the other side had a momentary freak out, he got a glimpse of the time. A quarter after ten.

"Do you have any idea what time it is, Ketchum?" The high voice yelled to him as he settled back into his bed, still only half awake. Misty took the moment as her cue to finish brushing and disappeared back into the washroom.

"Uhh, ten?"

"A quarter after! Where in the world are you!?"

"It's Saturday—besides, I told you I couldn't do anything this weekend." he managed, praying it made more sense coming out of his mouth than it did in his head. He brushed his hair with his fingers while the woman continued.

" _No_ , you never told me as such. You are still booked solid for the rest of the day and at least two of those meetings, you can't miss. One is with the Hoenn league officials, and you're supposed to be meeting them with the Elite Four—if you're not there then-" while she yammered on, Ash blinked up at the ceiling.

 _Oh yeah_ , he didn't book time off, because he didn't actually expect Misty to be here. They were fighting, _sort of_ , last they spoke, and he was convinced that she was going to bail on him. He stared at where Misty was previously standing, and felt a train wreck of guilt.

"Calm down," Ash hummed. "tell them I'm sick—because I am." he didn't sound very convincing.

A flustered, frustrated sigh erupted from the other side.

"Ketchum. I cannot lie on your behalf! You _have_ to be here."

"Yeah, well." Ash inhaled. "I'm not gunna."

"You should go." Misty chimed in, tired eyes gleaming up at him—only now did Ash pull the phone away and hold it against his shoulder to ignore his receptionist. Misty was brushing her hair, face screwed up.

"What?" he narrowed his eyes to her.

"You should go. It's for the league. I'll just tag along."

"No way, last time you tagged along, you waited outside for several hours."

"Well, maybe they'll let me into the meetings." Misty said, eyes closing again—she said go, but looks were so deceiving.

Thinking on it a second longer, Ash raised the phone back to his ear to enter the middle of a lecture about 'shirking his duties' and interrupted. "I'll go if I can bring Misty Waterflower to all of my events—oh, and I can skip the boring ones."

"You can't just-"

"Take it or leave it." What could he say, he was a great negotiator when he wanted to be.

" _Fine_." The woman breathed. "But I need you here by eleven. I can cover for you until then."

"Deal." Ash chirped happily, and after ending the call, tossed the phone to the other side of the room after turning off the ringer.

"Look at you, standing up for yourself."

"I know, exciting." Ash laughed while collecting his jeans off the floor and hoisting them on as quickly as possible. Misty didn't seem to mind—and it wasn't like she hadn't seen him like that before. He could count the many hundreds of times they had to share changing spaces in the forest, or small pokemon centers—it was never weird then, and like Misty said, it didn't have to be now. Only if he made it that way. He looked up at her to see her braiding her hair, using the mirror beside pikachu's fort, where the pokemon still slept like a rock.

"Thought you cleared your schedule this weekend?"

"I...well...I might have forgotten, on the grounds that I thought you hated me."

"Ah." she sounded glum, and immediately he rethought his phrase.

"Mostly I forgot, but hey, you can come with me so they won't be boring at least." Unfortunately, his rephrasing didn't make her feel any better. _Forgetting_ was as bad as thinking that she hated him.

"What makes you think I want to go?" She asked, reeling backwards. She looked so unconvincing with her sheepish grin. Ash grinned back in response.

"Well, you said you wanted to know what I did-" then he smirked. "Plus, you love this kind of stuff as much as I do."

 _Pokemon meetings_ , learning about pokemon events, league parties, routes of participation, upcoming events and shows. Misty was as much a pokemon buff as he was, even if she chose to specialize it. After all, their dates consisted of talking about boating, and fishing; this was by no means out of her field of comfort.

"They really make you work on weekends?" She asked while taking out her bag and digging through the remains for a clean set of clothes. He found himself staring, but didn't mind.

"That shouldn't be such a surprise. _You_ work on weekends, too."

"Yeah, well. I'm a gym leader. I'm supposed to get shit on." She gestured with her hands to the imaginary hierarchy system of the league and Ash chuckled.

"Well, I'm a league champion, so I'm at least on par." Before the depressing reality of the obscure and demising ranks sunk in, Misty chimed in.

"Oh, give yourself more credit than that."

"Okay.." Ash looked around, licking his lips. "I beat eight gym leaders for the title that is only as good as my public appearance and can be replaced within the next year by the next league champion—so not only am I on par. I'm temporary."

Misty snorted and looked really disturbed by this confession; a little hurt, and more disturbed by the fact that he _wasn't_ more disgusted with his words. He had so easily accepted the meager life, and while his words were a reflection of his ideals, she let it go, if only to give him a break.

"Okay.." She hummed. "It's worse."

 **XOX**

She had a shower right away—which meant that Ash got the secondary cold shower; not that he minded the place having small reminders of her. He didn't mind the red hair stuck to the shower wall, or the faint scent of perfumes being sprayed in the other room; it actually seemed more like home this way.

"I really wish you had sprung for a better room—or at least one with another sink." She let out a frustrated groan.

"I don't understand what's so weird about me coming in there—I can't see anything." Misty growled, drying her hair and applying minimal make up with the help of pikachu and a hand mirror she found in the night stand's drawer.

Ash didn't bother replying. Of _course_ it was weird!

"I walk in on my sisters all the time!" He laughed silently at her complaints. He missed this. _Their playful, endless bickering._

"Well, I'm not your sister, _Misty_." Ash chimed in, turning the water off and snatching a towel beyond the curtain without removing it. Just in case she tried to sneak in to use the sink. She was insanely stubborn that way.

"You're right. You're my _boyfriend_ , aren't I supposed to be even more comfortable seeing _you_ naked?" She asked and like he suspected, she stormed into the bathroom to gather some hygiene items he left forgotten since he got there, and finally leered his head from the corner of the shower curtain to see her tying her hair back into a ponytail. His face felt warm while he stared her down, but she didn't budge until fully facing him.

She wore the same yellow vest from yesterday—leather and cut off at her waist—her token object for her outfit, he assumed. Paired with a red, skintight tank top beneath it and blue cut offs that ended well above her thighs. Needless to say, he kept his glare trained on her eyes, where her growing bangs brushed playfully over her forehead, reminded him of simpler days.

"You're going to get cold wearing that."

"Not as cold as you, wearing nothing at all—besides, it's like the middle of summer. Is a freak snow storm going to appear out of no where?" She mocked him, taking her leave, but leaving the door cracked a smidgen so they could still hear one another while he climbed out of the shower to dry off, and dress himself. His face was flushed bright red, she had a way of getting under his skin, but it was a pleasant and warm feeling—not a frustratingly embarrassed feeling.

A comfortable disquiet.

"I just mean, you look kind of unprofessional for where we're going." he finally said, and Misty almost peeked her head in to glare that snark glare at him, but he slammed the door shut on her face.

"Hey!" She gasped, having not realized what she almost did herself.

"I'm still changing!"

"You're a baby! You hurt my nose." she whined, but heard the layers of gratefulness in her tone.

Ash snorted. "Maybe if you wouldn't put it where it doesn't belong."

She banged her fist against the door for a second, then stormed into the rest of the room. He heard the shuffling of her bag, a frustrated grunt or two while he pulled on the necessities, black slacks, and a black button up before exiting the washroom—only to see that Misty's backpack had exploded.

"I'm a child." She whined, holding a fist full of her clothes—all yellows and reds and jean shorts. "I have no adult clothes."

"I'm sure you have something." he murmured, but Misty held up her hands in defeat—she couldn't wear yesterday's jeans since she still had stains on them from their little _adventure_ last night, but the rest of her clothes consisted of spanx, and tight pants, and shorts with indecent shirts that were either overly revealing, or not a complete outfit.

Ash waited until she laid out the rest of her clothes before making a comment.

"You spend too much time at the gym." He observed, noting how all of these outfits were practical for two things: being a water pokemon trainer, and being at a swimming pool.

"I know!" She breathed. "I have nothing to wear!"

"Don't you shop?" They both paused for a moment, taking in the oddity that was Ash accusing _her_ of not shopping. Then, a strangled noise escaped her lips.

"No!" She squealed, messing up her perfectly laid out clothes in her frustration.

"The last few _shopping_ trips I've had have consisted of trying on a million different maid of honor dresses or Daisy's dress because she's somehow _always_ too busy to get it fitted herself and-" she breathed to silence her rant. "I don't have time, mostly." She goaded, stuffing her items back into her bag without much more to say.

Ash pointed to the bag.

"Let's just go down to the shop here. There's a clothing shop on the second floor I think—I've never been there, personally, but James mentioned it when he was here."

Misty deadpanned. "No."

"Why?"

"I don't have any money for a new outfit." her face screwed up, frantic. "Especially not from here."

Ash waved her off as if it wasn't a big deal. "I'll buy it."

"No way." The idea was ludicrous, a sin in of it self, she brushed him aside. "I'll just go like this."

"You're not going like that." Ash fought her, and she rolled her eyes and mockingly curtsied to him.

"Then I'm not going at all." She winked, and with a scowl, Ash grabbed her by her wrist, whistled to pikachu and dragged her from his bed room, and to the elevator.

"Leggo!" She yelped, surprised by his strength.

"Don't be so stubborn."

"I'm not being stubborn!"

"I still owe you for an outfit, anyways. You left that one at my house." Her face flushed, surprised her remembered the outfit at all, stuffed beneath his pillow.

"Yeah, but-" midway through her argument, the elevator singed.

Unlike last night, when there was no one around, the halls were fairly busy, and Ash waved to the group inside. They were all dressed to the nines; slacks, leather loafers, suits and ties and hands stuffed in their stuffy pockets. Ash was like a cross breed between casual dress and formal since his collar was left partially unbuttoned, and he _always_ skipped the suit jacket and tie. Plus, pikachu perched on his shoulder like it was no one's business, and his hair was still damp form his shower. Misty, however, stood out like a sore thumb, and only then did she realize how out of place she was in this situation.

She looked like the ten cent hooker carried off the side of the road in those trashy novels she enjoyed reading. Quietly, she and Ash slipped alongside the rest of the stuffy business men and while Misty picked at hem of her short-shorts self consciously, Ash passed casual conversation off with some guy. Ash was a _some guy_ talker now. He spoke with people casually about things he hardly knew about to pass the time, and Misty fidgeted while the elevator went up, and up and...

"So who is this?" Asked _some guy_ talking with Ash, and Misty's shoulders straightened and Ash grabbed her hand.

"This is my girlfriend, Misty." Ash hummed, and Misty was taken by surprise—possibly winded—by his confident response. Apparently, the conversation died after that, because the man gave Ash an estranged look, and Ash, the oblivious gentleman that he was, brushed off the remark.

When she was feeling at her most self conscious, praying they would stop on the second floor as quickly as possible, Ash finally leaned in, snickering.

"Maybe we should have taken the stairs." So he wasn't as oblivious as she thought.

 **XOX**

"You did that to me on purpose! I was humiliated!" She whined, throwing her arms up as they left the elevator and ventured to the shop James had told Ash about.

"I did not." he laughed.

"You should have told me not to bring casual clothes...I look stupid." She breathed helplessly—maybe a little overly-dramatic. Ash looked at her sincerely, then offered a charming smile.

"I don't think you look stupid. In fact, I don't mind at all. If it were up to me all of these silly meetings would require casual dress—these fancy-pansy people get so caught up in their egos and jewelry they forget that normal people even exist."

That somehow made her feel better. "So why'd you stop wearing jeans?"

"My first receptionist actually broke into my hotel room and switched out some of my jeans with them." however, there was something about his eyes that made her question the validity of the statement .

"Ouch."

His eyes shifted, and he cleared his throat. "Yeah, I know."

They entered the store and Misty, never imagining a whole department store would fit into a hotel, was at a loss of words. Everything was on the high-end of priceless.

"I feel like if I touch something, I'll be in debt for the rest of my life." Ash shrugged off her comment so easily, it was odd to see him to comfortable in a high-end store, when only two years ago, he was as absent minded about such places as she was now.

"You should wear a dress." Ash cut into her amazement, not making eye contact.

"I'd sooner cut off my own hands." he scowled at her response.

They ventured around the store once, then twice, so Misty could adjust to all the colors—Ash, who said he never saw the store before—seemed at less awe than she was. Was all of Kalos so extravagant and over the top? Was this normal?

"Ah, Mr. Ketchum, you're back again? For what are you looking for this time."

Misty whipped around like a snake to watch Ash's face fall, turn bright red, and his hand reach his hair in attempt to hide his face. Liar!

"I'm okay! Just shopping for m-my girlfriend."

"Your girlfriend!" The old man's trained eye landed on Misty, but none of that mattered as she pointed an accusing, snarling smile at him. A victorious grin.

"You lied! You said you had never been in here!"

"Well...I had to buy work appropriate clothes _somewhere_." After all, Ash always played by the rules—well, most of the time. He was an outstanding citizen, of course he was going to fit to the dress code.

"You still lied about it." She sneered happily. "Embarrassed that you had to upgrade from your small town jeans?"

"Hey-!" Ash whined. "I like my small town jeans."

The old man, seemingly forgotten, gasped at the young champions expression. "But with your bones, slacks are much more suiting for your age—They bring out your-"

"Thanks, but I think I'm good today." A red in the face Ash sung while pushing Misty away from the man and towards the woman's section. Misty was on cloud nine, laughing to herself.

"Bring out your what?" she cooed mockingly as he tried to push her to a nearby escape route. "Your eyes?" she sang and she laughed and his face matched the color of her hair.

Misty enjoyed teasing him _too_ much, what was endearing was almost frustrating now, and he tried to cover her mouth, but found that she licked his bare hand the same what he had done to her the night prior, and then escaped into the racks of some lady-suit jackets. While he wiped his hand dry, she playfully sifted through the clothes.

"Are all places in Kalos so upper-class?" He knew the look she gave him was a strong indication that the questions would not end any time soon—such as how he found clothes that matched so neatly after never actually having to dress himself with effort before. Traveling with two almost-top-coordinators and one princess must have rubbed off in some way.

"Sort of." Ash grumbled. "It's weird, okay? Don't make a big deal about it." he uttered, clearly upset that he was already in a situation where he had to change everything about his appearance. His mood soured quickly after that, and Misty felt guilty for it.

"A dress, huh?" And his face brightened up once more, with a slight tint of pink behind a sparkling eye, if Misty thought she saw correctly.

 **XOX**

She bought exactly three things: a simple, yet fashionable navy blue strapless cut above the knees, with a cropped, three quarter sleeved yellow cardigan—she fought with Ash for nearly ten minutes that she _had_ to have her signature color on at all times—and matching yellow flats, because she would be damned if he got her in heels ever again. Plus, they were cheap, and on the bargain rack—so Ash only paid a fraction of what he would normally pay. Plus, her shorts still fit under the breezy dress, so it was practical, as well as fashionable. Daisy would be proud.

She left the store feeling a bit more fancy, and to keep some part of her stubborn intermittent will, she refused to let her hair down, regardless of Ash's attempts as they left the store. She was still much more agile than he was, zipping past his hands as if he were a meowth and she a butterfree.

"That was _torture."_ She whined, but not really. Misty enjoyed shopping, but she was trying to make Ash feel more comfortable. A task he was making a habit out of. She scratched the back of her neck as they opted for the stairs—they would more than likely be late for his appointment; they had five minutes to reach the league building, but Ash wasn't worried.

"I thought you liked shopping?"

"I do, when I can afford it."

"Well, you bought everything off the clearance rack, so I don't think you paid for much."

"Hey-" She snapped her fingers at him. "Don't bark at my penny pinching—there was a time when you would have appreciated it." She scolded him, and Ash looked away dozily.

"You look nice, anyways." he blurted out awkwardly and she rolled her eyes playfully and grinned.

"Why thank you." she smiled, tangling her fingers in his and marching ahead. "But, you see, if I stay tomorrow, what will I wear? What will they think if I wear the same thing _twice_. They'll think I'm some kind of animal!" She sniveled jokingly while approaching the front entrance, only to be stopped and yanked away by Ash. Without speaking directly about it, she knew it was because of _rabid fangirls_ waiting outside.

Right, in her joy, she had almost forgotten about them.

"They're too snooty here." Ash shot quietly, but then regretted saying it. Who was he to judge the Kalos' leagues extravagant life style. He chose this, after all. He huffed, correcting himself: "They just have different standards here."

"Yeah, the ritzy kind."

"Misty." he groaned, and she shoved him playfully.

"Lighten up."

"I hate meetings." He breathed, and she saw the crawling discomfort as they traveled past the diner, and into a very thin hallway. "They're always stuffy, and someone always tells me I have a million things to do—and I left my planner in my room and-"

"Shh" she held a finger up to her lips. "Don't worry. I'll be your planner today." He somehow doubted that would go as well as they both intended.

"Thanks."

"Gives me a reason to show up." she signed with a wink, and today he was prepared to experience the best day of his time as a champion—or was about to willingly be fired. If that was a possibility. While Ash stumbled behind her, his eyebrows knitted together, and eyes darted around the room.

"...Are—have you been flirting with me?" he clued in aimlessly, and her robust snort answered all too clearly.

"You're slow to the upkeep, huh?"

He answered by burying his face in his hands, as pikachu chuckled on his shoulder.

 **XOX**

"I think we will need to raise taxes on pokeballs again, to increase profits retained to fix the old pokeball factory in March."

The man at the end of a long, mahogany desk spoke endlessly; the same manager Misty knew as the man who liked to yell at Ash, and reminded him that he was an idol now, a household name, a respectable name—not someone who should flaunt his girlfriend. In turn, they found his comments to be boring, and Misty used the notebook she was given to take notes with as a scratch pad to write notes to Ash, and play tic-tac-toe.

 _You do this everyday_? She wrote in blue ink

 _Not evryday, this is just saturday. Regional Champ. is always gone. Why it's mantory I be here._

 _You can't spell._ she mocked him playfully, a twisted grin over her lips. _You should fake a stomach cramp_

 _I can't leave. This is work. Also, shut hup i'm riting quickly_

Misty snickered at how sneaky he was being, terrified of being caught. Like a student, his eyes were always on the teacher. If she didn't know that they spent the last hour playing silly word games, she might have even been convinced that he knew exactly what the executive was talking about. Ash was still a good kid, even if he had no reason to be. The rest of the people here looked as bored as he was, and she wondered why so many important people found it necessary to work on Saturday. Or attend this stuffy meeting at all. Couldn't an email suffice? That's what the Kanto region did. Misty pursed her lips, sitting back in her chair and zoning back into the conversation.

"The tournament that Ketchum sponsored was a success, we'll be having talks about hosting another one very soon. In the mean time, we have a representative from Hoenn here to speak to us about opening up Kalos region's first contest hall in Lumiose city." Misty's brows quirked at that, a wave of confidence washed over Ash's face for a moment before she twisted her pen against her lips.

 _Congrats_ she wrote, and Ash replied with a smile before looking ahead at the Hoenn representative. She was proud of Ash, insanely so—but since arriving two hours ago, they listened to a man drone on and on about financial issues that she knew Ash would play no part in, complain about misrepresentation, and play through a slide about upcoming league challenges—it was nothing they couldn't cover in an email. Certainly not something they needed to host on a beautiful Saturday.

Misty reminded herself it was _control_ , not duty. They simply wanted control over the people in the league. Years ago, a ten year old Ash would have shoved his nose up at their gossip and office lingo. He would have demanded a more caring approach, and less business demand. Now, he bit his tongue, almost like a wounded pup. A mindless soldier.

...She couldn't stand seeing him that way, and so feeling the mischievous bone in her body acting up, she wrote another note to him, then slipped her hand against his thigh and squeezed.

 _Let's make out._

Ash fell out of his chair, and Misty refrained from laughing, shuffled her notes together in a panicked display and jumped to his side.

"Oh no! I think it's that flu going around." She hummed, the room was quiet. "Where people faint, you know the one?" She whined, looking up the Elite Four and Hoenn representative. They looked concerned, Ash laid motionless, face turning a wry shade of pink. Pikachu joined in, pretended to be worried; when only moments ago the mouse was also dozing off on the table.

"It's super contagious. I should take him to the doctor."

"Oh man, I've heard of that one." Drasna, the ghost pokemon specialist of the Elite four, said in an alarmed tone, Misty could tell they were in on it. "My cousin had it last week, he went to the hospital."

As the room erupted with conversation, Misty smothered her grin behind a false look of concern, and Ash used that as his own cue.

"Really, I'm fine." He mumbled, trying to brush off the fact that he had literally fallen out of his chair but rubbed his nose, and immediately faked the sniffles. His manager stood up, shaking his head.

"No, I think it's best that you go home and get some rest. We'll fill you in over the phone."

"Deal!" Misty sang, then yanked Ash out of the room before he had a chance to say his goodbyes. Only his receptionist didn't look as pleased as Misty did when they ran to the elevator with Ash beet red and Misty giggling frivolously.

 **XOX**

"You embarrassed me." he grumbled while they ordered ice cream from a local stand, clearly, he was not sick. Clearly, the league would figure that out at some point, and _clearly_ he would get in trouble for it. Pikachu was tucked inside of Ash's shirt, and any _obvious_ key items that made them look like Misty Waterflower and Ash Ketchum was blurred by Misty's fancy outfit, and Ash's bulging and occasionally moving stomach. He wore his hat low to keep his face hidden and Misty was too busy proudly grinning to hear his complaint.

"I did not. But, I'm sorry, we needed to escape."

"Yeah, well, they don't have a sense of humor, and I'm kind of the one who will get in trouble with this."

Misty pat him respectfully and then hugged him over the shoulder while licking her ice cream.

"But it _was_ funny, right?"

Ash shook his head. Sometimes she had more of a one-track mind than he did.

"I guess." At his lack luster response, Misty spun away form him; walking backwards. Her dress kicked up the right amount of air to give her a frolicking appearance and she threw out her arms.

"Who wants to be locked up in a building on a beautiful day like this, anyways?"

Ash watched her—saw how desperate she was trying to connect by the curve and squint of her eyes, and then he breathed, and let his shoulders drop. She was trying; he needed to try to. Though, he wondered when they ever had to start _trying_ in the first place.

"It's definitely a story to write home about."

Misty grinned now, then tagged his hand while falling back in line beside him.

"So, what's next on the agenda?"

"Well, I have a few new hot spots to investigate. You know, places where small groups of trainers get together to host small party tournaments. They're like low-key gyms."

"Ah-ha, then what about after that?"

"I have a meeting at two with Viola about her participation in the next league tournament as an announcer."

"Annnd after that?"

"Assuming that goes well, I'll have a tournament to observe which could take hours, and then I have a report and papers to sign."

"Sounds like a lot of work for a Saturday."

"It is." Ash tried not to sound to down about it.

She waited before adding. "When do _you_ get to battle people?"

"Under very heavily scheduled events laid out by the league and my peers. Once a month, at least. I told you that."

Misty nodded, mumbling 'mhm' after everything that he said, and then sucked on her cheek.

"Okay, but what about this?" She asked, spinning him into an ally way beside the street and he blinked, face turning red. They didn't have the best of luck in ally-ways, given their history. She put both hands on his shoulders, gripped them tightly and looked him in the eye.

"Why don't we blow all of this off, and go have some real fun?"

"Misty we—wait, what?" he asked, eyes narrowed. Misty Waterflower, _his_ , Misty wanting to forgo all rules and regulations and...bail? He shook his head.

"I can't. I'm responsible for all of these things."

"Yeah, and what do you get from it?"

He looked around pathetically, tried not to laugh, then realized she was serious: "A nice pay check?"

"You're sick, as far as they know, you're taking the rest of the day off—hell, the rest of the _weekend_ off."

"Misty, I don't go to your gym and-"

"But if you did, I wouldn't say no." She interrupted him with a stern expression, and a finger pointed to his chest. Guilt rolled off of him, torn between his duty as a trainer, and his loyalty to his friend. How many times had he canceled on her, ruined what was supposed to be a good date, or vacation because of a _job_. She said that she understood, but now...

"I can't."

"You can."

"I don't want to." He tried, and pikachu had finally chimed in with a subtle squeak.

"Then prove it to me." She said, and Ash saw the desperation in her eyes. A wild look of unrestrained excitement and bravado. What was she trying to do? Uproot his life? Change everything about it in one swoop? She couldn't just come here and try to fix everything! He had to do this on his own, this was his victory, his championship! If the following act was book work, well, he'd just have to suck it up.

"Misty-"

"Ash, if you can honestly tell me that you would rather make phone calls, and attend miscellaneous tournaments, I'll let it go—we'll forget about whatever I have planned, and we'll continue with your normal day. But you have to say it."

His face screwed up, eyebrows knit and his pursed his lips uncomfortably. "I..." He swallowed, and her eyes gleamed in victory.

She knew she had won.

 **XOX**

First things first—she took both of their poke-gear phones, and turned them off. Ash felt his chest go concave, and Misty might have, too, if she wasn't being so crazy. They both needed this. A break.

Secondly, Misty took of her yellow cardigan to wrap Ash's hair up in, and put his red cap onto her head; they looked like street performers—definitely not themselves.

Third, she dragged him to the Lumoise City bullet train, purchased a set of tickets away from his line of credit, and sped off into the nearest direction that was _anywhere_ but here. She lead the way, and he followed mindlessly—a wave of adrenaline pushing through every vein in his body kept his knees from buckling and his mind from wavering. He had never played hooky before! Even when he attended that short semester before starting his journey, he never ditched class before. This was a new experience, full of uncertainty and excitement and—he looked at Misty who had taken to reading one of the pamphlets. She had no idea where she was going, and he didn't either—and...

He didn't care.

He felt so relieved to be away from that city, he could have floated from the release of weights off his shoulders.

He took a seat beside her, finally removing her cardigan so she could slip it back onto her shoulders. Quickly, he planted a kiss on her cheek, her shoulder and then when she shuddered he smiled up at her, red cheeks and all.

"Thank you.

 **XOX**

Their _first_ date was spent eating cheap food on a cart in Pallet Town; kissing through the second half of a movie he couldn't recall the title of any more, and playing in a river before it blew up in his face. They had never had a successful date before, and Ash was knocking on every piece of wood to be sure that this one would be.

She wore a dress last time, too.

Today, they had terrible tasting rice-balls on the corner street of Laverre city, watching young pokemon trainers battle on the street in the midst of summer, and walk normally— _happily_ through the flood of people lining up for a tournament sponsored outside of the league.

They were cheaper, often time more elaborate, and the league officials hated them.

Ash loved them. He always rooted for the underdogs. If he was working, he would have technically had to shut the tournament down; or require payment to the the league.

"You should compete." Misty said, pointing to the sign up list.

"No way. They'll know it's me." he laughed and Misty shrugged.

"Maybe." She said as she approached the booth. His head titled. "Maybe not."

"Misty—don't you-"

And she slipped away before he could stop her, pikachu was racing after her with a bounce in his step he hadn't seen in a very long while, and Ash found his entire body feeling warm, from his core to his throat as he chased her down.

A blur, that's what it felt like—a blazing, happy blur of bad make-up and terrible decisions. Of dressing like a girl as his disguise, to swapping outfits with Misty, and laughing at their terrible attempt of _fitting in_ and having one hell of a story to tell his mother back home. Of winning an unofficial tournament, beating Misty's totodile and pretending to be effeminate behind a yellow wig and laughing while doing so.

 _Misty laughed so much she had tears in her eyes during their match_.

His chest hurt so much from laughing, he had forgotten how good it felt to be so alleviated—not a care in the world. Not the league, not gym battles, nothing but laughter, sunshine, and _fun_. At the end of the match, as they ate sticks of whatever was cheap at the carts on the street; he mocked her.

"You know, you could have single handed ruined my reputation by talking me into dressing up like a girl."

"Yeah, well." Misty smiled. "It was your idea." And she kissed him affectionately.

Sparks flew out in all directions, his head spun on a ninety degree axis, and he had her against the nearest wall, the closest shadowy area, anywhere and everywhere that would have been considered unsafe before.

They kissed, and laughed, and he loved every minute of it.

 **Author's Note** :

This...this chapter was a lot longer. I broke it up because the theme changes after awhile, and I wanted to avoid getting lynched, so be kind gentle readers. So instead of this mini-arc being wrapped up with this chapter, it will take this one and the next.

I did want to say _thank you_ guys, for all the positive feedback on the last chapter, especially after talking about how this story has been so difficult for me to write. Thank you for your support, guys. I really appreciate it...and hope you won't hate me after the next few chapters. ;w;

Cheers!?


	25. Chapter 25: Ash & Misty Pt 3

**Equanimity, Chapter 25**

When he woke up in some terrible cigarettes-smelling—motel room in a small town off of route fourteen, he would have been convinced it was all a dream if Misty hadn't been laced to his side again, hooked around his arms and waist and face nuzzled into his neck. Her hair tickled his nose, and her heart beat quiet thumps against his. Pikachu was nestled in the safe space near their heads, an his throat felt dry and his lips were sore.

Parts of his neck was bruised from rapid kisses the night before; and any discomfort at their closeness was washed away with a proper investigation behind closed doors, and he found himself happily pressed against her hip and nuzzling her hair with his hands. She wore a sports bra, and the shorts she had underneath her dress—and Ash would have stayed in his button up had it been his choice; but Misty took that, too. As well as his pants.

 _Can't sleep in those_. Was her excuse that she used to ogle his bare chest, toned over the years of travelling—scared from more than that, and leave inappropriate _love bites_ on his chest down to his torso.

It didn't matter that they bought the cheapest motel room possible, or ate fast food with chopsticks and tried to cook their freshly caught river trout in the microwave—they were having fun—on an adventure—one that landed Ash a honedge. His first steel type ever.

He kissed her temple sweetly as she slept—so much energy bundled into one tiny woman. Years ago, they were always like this; at festivals and events, at tournaments and beaches. He wondered how long she had been holding back her own excitement because of the gym. They had spent so much time talking about his issues, he barely had time to ask about hers—and yesterday's excitement was no place for it.

"'morning." she spoke with a breathy huff and Ash took that as an okay to run his fingers through her hair.

"Hey." he said quietly in the dark of the morning. They never bothered to pull the blinds back, so the blistering sun was hidden from them.

"How'd you sleep?" She asked with a swallow, sitting up to peer at him and stretch. He forgot how toned she was in the dim light—he could see the muscles bulging from her shoulders and biceps, and sat forward to grab her and tug her between his legs and hoist the blanket over the two of them.

"How often do you swim?"

She grinned. "Everyday." she mumbled quietly. "Why do you ask?"

"I 'unno. Just curious." She didn't swim yesterday. "We can go swimming today, if you'd like?"

"Where at?"

"I dunno, bullet train to the nearest beach? Any beach?" He was grinning against her neck and she shuddered happily.

"But I wouldn't mind just going for a walk, either."

"Where to?"

"Does it matter?"

Ash never thought he would be one of those disgusting couples that made passive aggressive notes at one another. He chuckled and kissed her shoulder.

"Or, we could stay in today." he suggested and Misty stiffened.

"Oh," said Misty aghast. She swallowed hard against the lump in her throat. Maybe that wasn't what he meant, but it wasn't entirely unwanted.

"Well." She said, heart racing. He could feel the way her chest thundered and wondered how easy it would be to slip is hand over her torso, up the small distance of her waist and beneath the cloth that protected her from his grasp. Swearing off the heat of his face and mind numbing white noise in his head, the thought alone made him pant quietly, swallow hard, and wriggle away from her back for some air between them. Morning's were the worst for him. Always an early riser.

"Okay." after a short hesitation, she stuttered out the words so affirmatively, easing into his touch and taking his hand to her chest and his heart paused then galloped. He felt his entire being quake at the feeling of her soft mound pressed into his hand as she lifted the fabric up just enough for-

"chhaaa." The mouse squealed in his sleep, kicking his legs out cutely on the pillow they just shared. The two trainers jumped from their lust driven state of mind to the edge of the bed. Ash fell off, then over the bed trying to collect himself, and Misty felt naked and—and-

"I need a shower. Or..or..a baptism by fire." She said with a dash. Ash looked at pikachu who was only waking up now that the two of them were caught in some kind of trance, and he thanked heavens that the confused pokemon was unintentional referee—what was he thinking of doing? Nothing good, certainly, nothing he was ready for!

Misty made him crazy!

 **XOX**

They drifted immediately into a zone of awkwardness after the mornings events.

Ash sat across from her at the small cafe where they dodged eye contact and shuffled anxiously around one another, dressed in yesterday's river-scented clothes. Ash felt the repercussions of yesterday already, having been without exercise the last few months since becoming stationary, he forgot how tiresome travelling could be. His body ached, but he wasn't going to complain, Misty looked as hung over as he did.

Guess the saying was true; spending time with a love one was as good as being drunk. _Love drunk_? Brock mentioned something about it, but couldn't remember the accuracy because he was pretty sure that he said it to a nurse. Anything Brock said to a nurse was iffy.

However, Brock might have been impressed with how smooth Ash had been only a couple hours ago; despite what he was smoothing over. Yesterday he acted like a ten year old again—Misty even talked him into a dress, and only now was he beginning to regret shirking his duties and—well, yeah, mostly the dress. Not to mention the one-eighty on the hormonal spectrum. Yesterday they were still making crude jokes and walking around a river bank barefoot—this morning he was.

Oh good, what in the world was he doing?

"Sorry I stretched out your dress." Ash pointed to her shoulders, which didn't cling to her as neatly as it did before, and she brushed her hands over it. It smelled like Ash because of the intense battle the day before, and she scrunched up her nose. The smell was worse now that she had showered. Trickled along her neck were the bruises Ash left, and that her cardigan couldn't hide. Instinctively, he covered his own neck with his hands, worried his were just as bad.

Catching onto his actions, a slightly horrified Misty let her hair down, and covered her face for the millionth time. Ash did the same, and popped his collar.

Situations since they started dating had to be different, that was what he told himself. Yesterday was too normal for the realization of this morning to punch him in the face so hard. They were both exhausted, and he hated coffee. Pikachu sipped ketchup from a glass so eagerly beside them, the waitress manned other tables happily until finally landing at theirs once again. She was clearly distressed that Ash and Misty had been sitting at the table for almost an hour, and ordered nothing but awkward stares and a glass of water.

"Are you ready to order?"

"Just let me die." Misty muttered into her hands that were now flat against the table, as was her head. Ash stared up through hazy eyes at the waitress, wanting to get over this hump. Least she was suffering from their _love drunk_ hangover, too. Ash wasn't thinking when he answered:

"Pancakes. Three plates. A side of waffles, one of those nice chocolate sundaes and a side of every type of meat you have."

The waitress blinked, clearly not believing him; but then Misty added;

"And some coffee—and hot cocoa for the lad." She gestured to Ash who nodded frantically, not breaking eye contact with the waitress, and then looked back at one another to still feel as horrified as they were only seconds ago.

Eyes darted and they ate in silence.

 **XOX**

Pikachu pried the two of them from the small cafe, convinced them to go for a walk. _A long walk_ , and talk, or do something.

"We should battle."

"Totodile is still weak from yesterday."

"Pokemon center?"

"Even out here," She gestured to the small town they were in, "People will recognize you at a pokemon center."

Ash mumbled, keeping a good foot away from her, or else sparks would fly. He needed to contain himself. How did he get through all of yesterday without the same intensity?

"How about a movie?" he suggested, and Misty shook her head frantically, and walked faster.

"No place dark with limited people."

Ash didn't speak right away.

"We could go swimming?" he asked, trying to edge in some kind of activity. Misty stared at him, then nodded.

"That's not a bad idea."

 **XOX**

Laps. Misty wanted to swim laps; and he hated that she won every time. Ash had size, strength and stamina over her; and yet she was still faster, she was still more agile and she won every time! Ash sat fuming at the local swimming pool they paid tickets to get into, to swim in the adult swimming pool. While he and pikachu sat at the edge, Misty was still at it.

Back and forth, back and forth. He wondered if this was how she spent her days on a regular basis. _Back and forth_ she went again and Ash huffed.

He wasn't jealous. She did this for a living, along with those weird ballets. He was proud of her.

 _And jealous_. He kept thinking of incidents where if they were stranded, she would have to be the one to swim. If a kid was drowning, she would have to jump in after the kid. If _he_ was drowning, she would be the one to save him. Not that she hadn't done that before. Actually, it wasn't _jealousy_ , admiration felt more reliable description, but the knots in his stomach prevented him from admitting such an accusation. His thoughts made him feel really warm—other times, like now—it made him want to peel out of his flesh.

This morning was too much—yesterday was too much. _She was too much_. Back and forth she went again, and Ash needed a break. Some air to breath; to talk with someone. _Anyone_.

Ash fled the pool, Misty wouldn't even notice; since she went back and forth so quickly. This was her way of fizzling out, Ash needed to find his—but he had no clue where to start. Typically, Misty would leave, that gave him weeks to work past his issue, to focus on something else; but with her here, he could only imagine what she looked _like—Nope!_ He wasn't thinking like that! Not about Misty! Up until a few months ago, Ash wasn't aware he could have so many feelings for a girl, so he was definitely not feeling such _sinful_ feelings! He wasn't panicking, far from it. He and Misty were friends, they were companions, and despite his obscure understanding of their relationship, he knew his _feelings_ weren't abnormal.

He ran to Brock like a child. He would have called Gary, but Gary would have laughed at him.

"Hey, what's up?" Brock answered after Ash broke down and turned his phone back on. He sat in the locker room, back against a freezing cold metal locker, the rest of the room silent beside a small drip in the distance from the showers.

"Nothing much, what are you up to?" Ash mumbled, clearing his throat. Brock snorted on the other side.

"Did you and Misty get into another fight?"

Ash gawked, red faced. "No." he gasped, a little insulted. "The opposite, actually."

"...You..." immediately, there was a pause, followed by the sound of Brock dropping his books—Ash probably caught him at school. A moment passed before Ash caught onto his shock.

"Oh, no. No way Brock. Not that." He tried to laugh, but he felt so much pain in his stomach when he did.

"Oh thank mercy." Brock sighed, and Ash suddenly felt betrayed, narrowed his eyes, even.

"What's that mean?"

"It means you two aren't ready for that! Not for another ten years at least!"

Ash opened his mouth, then closed it—had Brock not seen them together since his victory party? Clearly Brock wasn't aware of their destructive fight and make up cycle. Ash looked up, realizing, come to think of it, no, Brock hadn't. No one had really spent any time with them together, outside of this weekend. He didn't correct Brock, but he also wasn't going to ask for his advice anymore. Not if that was Brock's idea of _help_.

Ash's apparent silence was alarming, since Brock added;

"You wouldn't be lying to me, would you?" At his worried tone, Ash laughed, and felt the pressure wash away.

"No. I would freak out, you know I would."

"I don't know, I've heard stories."

"From who?"

"Well, no one, actually, but I can only imagine. If you two make love like you fight-" Ash stopped him by choking on air and dropping his phone. Ash scrambled for the object, let the moment pass. Well, Ash sighed, Brock didn't have to worry about anything now. He then said:

"That's..you imagine us, huh? That's pretty weird."

Brock might have been flustered, but he played it off rightly. "You're weird." followed immediately by; "Why'd you call, anyways?"

"No reason, was just checking in. Misty says hey."

"...Just checking in..." Brock didn't sound convinced, "Where are you right now?"

"The locker room."

"Huh-huh. Why?"

"Misty kicked my butt at swimming laps. My ego is bruised." Ash lied playfully, but it wasn't untrue.

Brock dropped his phone laughing so hard, and Ash crossed his hand over his chest while pikachu preoccupied himself with the faucet to get a drink.

"You should know better! She does that for a living." So Ash had deduced already.

"Apparently! She's swam like a billion laps! How is she not the size of the hulk yet?"

"Ash—Ash." Brock wheezed. "As funny as this conversation is, why don't you get off the phone with me, and actually spend some time with her?"

 _Because spending time with her was confusing and his body was a minefield._ Ash thought, but then said instead: "Because she's still swimming laps."

"Honestly that girl." Brock sighed. "It's your fault for taking her swimming—but I have a class, so I'll talk to you later and don't do anything I wouldn't do."

Ash glanced at the clock. "Wait—you have a class at this hour?"

"Knowledge never sleeps." Then Brock hung up on him. Ash stared down at his phone for a long time, wondering what in the world Brock thought was a good idea—it was at least eight in the evening in the Johto region, and he was just starting a class. Commitment, and yet he was still himself.

The locker room was a deep grey, dark from a lack of sunlight and proper lighting, but he could hear the sound of the pool only a few feet away, of Misty probably still swimming. A mix of sweat and chlorine blasted his nose, and though the facility wasn't yet busy so early in the morning, Ash exhaled.

How was he supposed to face her, exactly? Every time he looked at her his stomach felt tight and he either want to scream or pass out. Butterfrees were normal, he was used to the feeling Misty had given him over the last few months, but the gyarados at the pit of his stomach... he was new, and Ash sure wished he'd stop.

"Pikachu-pi pika pikachu." the mouse pointed, telling him that Misty was wondering where he was. While Ash couldn't hear her, pikachu's keen hearing was beyond him. With the last of his dignity, Ash scrapped himself off of the locker room wall, and moved right as his phone ringed.

He looked at the name, and knew it by heart. His boss. Ash sighed.

"I should take this." Ash muttered, then waved to pikachu. "Go tell Misty I'll be there in a minute."

"Pika~" The mouse squealed, then bounced out of the locker room while Ash answered the gear, placing it to his ear.

Immediately, the sound of a roaring anger hit him.

"What kind of joke do you think this region is?!" the man screamed. Naturally, Ash flinched and held the phone away from his face; before he could get a word in, the man started again.

"Running off from your duties—we let it pass at the meeting because your girlfriend was in town, turned a blind eye—but running a muck in neighbouring cities like some hooligan! Have you seen the images popping up about you; what they're saying about you! You're a laughing stock, all you were good for was your image and the Kalos region media is in an uproar—competing in silly costumes in underground tournaments! You...You're a disgrace to the Kalos name."

Ash gulped.

"I want you back in Lumoise City today. Before noon so we can try to _fix_ this stupid game of yours. Hopefully people will believe it _wasn't you_ gallivanting around route fourteen last night catching pokemon out of a river and helping in street shows."

Ash closed his eyes, his voice didn't waver, and he soaked it in.

"If you want to make a mockery of the region, do it in your own home region; not the elite!"

Ash jumped when the phone line ended abruptly, and he was left standing in the dark room, alone. All good things had to come to an end.

 **XOX**

"You shouldn't let them treat you that way." Misty roared on the bullet train back to Lumoise City; Ash hadn't said much since the phone call, nothing that he didn't mutter between sentences while telling her they needed to go back.

"It shouldn't be a crime to have a day off, or be yourself."

Ash didn't interfere, he just let her vent, since for some reason, he couldn't find the energy to. For a long while, he wasn't sure what he felt; it wasn't anger, or confusion; but it was far from scared or happy. The problem wasn't that he had a day off, the problem was that he skipped work. Ran off, gallivanted _around,_ as his superior put it.

The problem wasn't that he couldn't be himself; the problem was that he was an eighteen year old acting like he was ten again. However, she kept going, keeping a running list of reasons the Kalos region was cruel and treating him badly.

Technically, Ash was the one who was treating the region badly. He did make a mockery of himself and his title. People would laugh when they saw him now, and he found it funny how much he cared about faceless people opinions of him. He couldn't remember caring so much before.

Between sighs, Misty would pat his back, and the fire that pressed into his flesh form her touch before was clearly absent. The emotional roller coaster he rode up and down came to a screeching, burning, halt at the end of the line, and he was stuck with himself, his angry boss, and a yammering redhead.

"Misty, stop." Ash muttered, shaking his head and lowering her hands to her lap to get her sit still. She wasn't a raving lunatic, she was always too quiet to come off as crazy in public, but he couldn't listen to her complain about _his job_ for him anymore.

"Sorry." she mumbled into the quiet of the morning train, and Ash rubbed his face and settled into the seat once again. Quietly.

 **XOX**

They found his hotel room first, took the back-entrance into the hotel and found their way up the elevator for a quick shower and change of clothes. Misty, hoping to make up for her mistake pulled on her tights under her short-shorts to cover her legs, and threw on a cheap-hoodie she bought from the convenience store on their way back into town.

Gone was the laughter, and the playful banter. Ash was in a lot of trouble. He allowed her to shower first, though, so she could wash the chlorine form her skin and hair, and while she fidgeted on his bed; she didn't know what to do with herself.

A whirlwind; that was the best way to describe her actions yesterday. Talking Ash into ditching his job, that wasn't her. Misty didn't do those kinds of things. Sure, they had fun, but they were both too old for that nonsense. Misty wouldn't have done it—of course, her job wasn't so strict she wouldn't have been able to take a day off if she was 'ill'; and she certainly wouldn't have been reprimanded for having fun in a city. Then again, she found Kanto region to less strict in their regulations; she had never met a champion who hated their job as much as Ash apparently hated his.

Misty was sure to double check the legality of their participation in the small tournament, of their helping the townsfolk with their plays and street acts. Of fishing in the stream; the only real blunder Ash made was of himself, and it wouldn't be the first time. Ash had dressed up as a girl on many occasions, of course...back then, he wasn't a world-renown hero, or Kalos league champion. Misty let her head fall into her hands, shaking from the thoughts swirling in her head, and blaming herself. She was being selfish, convincing him to first leave, and then have him make a fool of himself in front of a million people.

..and yet, if she had to do it again, she would. He looked so happy, genuinely happy.

When he popped out of the shower, wearing fresh black slacks and no shirt, no electricity flared. In fact, she looked away shyly. He wasn't in a panic, but he was worried, and looking for an appropriate shirt. Misty jumped up, sifting through a pile of fresh clothes tossed over the back of a chair in the corner of his room, and handed him a blue blazer.

"Here." She mumbled quickly, and Ash took it then change rapidly, tossing a quick _thank you_.

"Can we talk?" Misty asked, but knew right away it was a poor choice in wording. When he looked at her with dead brown eyes, she wanted to kidnap him, put him in a box, return to sender.

"Later. I really need to take care of this."

She was on her feet in an instant. "Great. Let me explain what happen, I will take all the blame for this."

Ash put up his hand, stopping her from following. "...Thanks, Mist, but I think I should handle this one alone."

"But-"

"I don't need you to fight my battles for me." his voice was so torn and honest, she backed off immediately, letting her body fall onto the edge of his bed and watched him leave without another word. Pikachu wasn't sure who to follow for a few minutes, looking between the exit door and Misty, and then she gave the small pokemon the go-ahead, and watched him leave from the poke-door on the bottom.

 **XOX**

Misty didn't need to think how the new meeting was going—the news kept her updated. Hours had ticked by already, watching Ash play pick-me-up. He looked so uncomfortable on camera, accepting the Sunday afternoon interviews to _clear his name_.

"And, is it true Mr. Ketchum, that you dressed up as a girl to compete in an illegal tournament?"

She saw the rush of frustration, the way his eyes twisted to see someone standing off screen, and then the tell he used to cover his mouth when he was lying. She wondered if he noticed he always covered his mouth when he was lying, but then curled her fingers in her her lap, and sat against his pillows.

"You know, they didn't want me to say yes—but." the image appeared, and Ash made a very convincing girl, because it clearly _was not him_. "It's so me. I really liked the blonde hair."

The interviewer laughed, as another picture flicked through, and the crowd was laughing. Clearly, no one believed it was him anymore. After all, how could spiffy, slicked back hair Ash Ketchum be caught dressing as a girl?

Misty's phone rang, and she ignored it. Her sister was probably watching the same news broadcast.

"No, I was sick yesterday. I spent the whole day in my hotel room."

And for once, Misty was grateful she borrowed Ash's red cap for the majority of yesterday's antics. It made lying..so...so much easier. Of course. He wouldn't have to lie if she wasn't the worst girlfriend on the planet.

"News reports said your girlfriend was in town, that she attended yesterday's morning meeting with you."

Ash swiped at his lips again, his eyes darted to someone off screen.

"Yeah, she left after that." but he didn't say anything else, and by that point; Misty couldn't watch anymore. She switched the station to something in another language, just to numb the pain swelling in her chest.

A part of her wondered if she should just go. Her plane wasn't set to leave until closer to midnight, but at this rate, he probably wouldn't miss her. Might even be grateful she cut their visit short.

Her reasons might have been selfish...but it was so nice to see him smiling again, without all the pressure on his shoulders. For a little while, it was as if they were two normal, young adults, not aspiring pokemon masters caught in the limelight.

 **XOX**

When Ash returned, it was a quarter to ten, and he found Misty in the same position he left in. Seeing her, still here, he wanted to collapse on top of her and call it a day. His muscles relaxed immediately, and he thought for a split second he could put the whole thing behind them. He saved his reputation, made his manager happy, took on a few painful interviews that would air over the next few days, and, hey, saved his reputation. Did he mention that one? _Why did he care so much_.

Ash loosened his collar when he went to fall next to her, but she sat up; eyes wide.

"Hey. How'd it go?"

"About how'd you expect." Ash grumbled, rubbing his hair and causing natural spikes to rise once again. "They lectured me for an hour before we even tried to fix things. They tried to get me to sign-" he stopped, catching immediately onto her stare, so wounded.

"It's not your fault."

"Sort of." Misty shrugged.

Ash shook his head, her guilt for his actions was not something he needed to _add_ to his stress. "No, you didn't make me do anything."

"I kind of gave you an ultimatum."

"That you gave me an out of. Listen, I don't want to talk about this-Ash shares his work life is over. I hate my job, what more do you want me to say, Misty? Lie to you, tell you it's great?"

"Well, no. They treat you terribly." At that nuisance, he had enough.

"They wouldn't have to if I wasn't a terrible champion!" Flabbergasted, Misty stood up to his proclamation.

"You're not a terrible champion; if anything you're the best they've had! I see more reports about you than I have any other Kalos league champion! Your people's hero!"

"Mist." Ash breathed, trying to contain his anger, the feeling of doing so strange. He usually just exploded. "I dressed up as a girl, in an illegal tournament. How do you think people will like knowing their champion, their _hero_ -" she chimed in quickly.

"Is a normal person?" She wheezed, Ash winced at the accusation. "I'd hope they'd be happy to know you're human underneath all this hair gel."

Ash stewed, and they found themselves in a glaring match.

"I'm an adult now!" Ash shrieked, clearly defensive. This was not what he wanted, and yet, here they were. She refrained herself from _saying you're an adult doesn't make you one_ , and bit her tongue to respond differently.

"Adult or not, you shouldn't _hate_ your job!" Misty fell back on, and Ash threw up his arms.

"And yours is so great!?"

"Yes!" She snapped, and Ash literally took a few steps back, blinking.

Maybe he shouldn't have been as surprised as he was. After all, Misty chose to stay at the gym these last few years, made a good reputation for herself; he shouldn't have had a reason to believe she was as miserable as he was. ... _Not that_ he _was miserable, or anything._ He wasn't admitting to that. Ash gritted his teeth as Misty continued.

"I am my own boss, I mean, sure, I have to pass league inspections, and occasionally they're a little rough, but that's not hard. I'm good at what I do, and I'm respected for that. We get our normal amounts of gossip, but in the end I get to do what I want, when I want. I work so hard out of respect for my league, for my bosses—for my elite Four and my champions. They certainly don't force me into interviews, or tell me how to act my age, or scold me like they're my parent!"

Ash snapped, throwing up his arms.

"Well good for you! I'm glad your dream ended up being so great!"

A pause before Misty shook her head, awestruck at his response. He wasn't listening to her. He was trying, but he wasn't hearing a lot of noise behind the screeching in his own mind.

"Why do you do that? Shut me out when I try to help and you?"

"Yeah, because rubbing my nose into how great your life is, is so freaking wonderful."

"I wasn't rubbing your nose in it!"

"Then what was that whole 'I am my own boss' spiel? Trying to make me feel better?"

"Yes!"

"Well it's not working!"

They were both screaming, pikachu's ears were down trying to mediate their conversation to a level of civility, but at this rate, they would be getting invaded by hotel personal long before the spitting match ended. It had been years since pikachu saw either of them so angry—if ever at all.

"I'm trying to say that they have no right to treat you this way! Stand up for yourself! You're the friggin champion for god's sake!"

"No! They do! Because I should already be prepared to act this way! Misty! They don't expect anymore more from me than they did the other million champions before me! I attend meetings, and tournaments, and fundraisers, and—it's just what I'm supposed to be doing. It's even listed in my job title."

"Then why do they treat yo-"

"They don't!" Ash confessed, shoulders high. "I'm miserable, because _I make it hard on myself_." His words seemed to surprise himself. Ideas he had thought about, mentioned offhandedly, but had never truly confessed to. Ash surprised himself more when he kept talking.

"I can't be everywhere I'm expected, I can't do everything I want to! I can't battle freely, I can't go for walks outside, or even have a nice trip without someone expecting _something_ of me! But that's on me! That's me shirking my responsibility! I'm not a kid anymore, I can't act like some wild ten year old anymore!"

Misty wasn't sure what else she could say to get through to him. "Then why can't you ask for a day off once in awhile, get away from the league?"

"Because I don't want to!"

The walls came breaking down. Ash let his head fall back. Misty tried to contain the spark of anger in her eyes. So many cancellations, so many excuses, only to find out what she had already suspected. _It wasn't Ash's fault_ she would defend, but honestly. It was. Her rage wasn't in check anymore when he started to clarify.

"I mean...I want to, it's just there's never been a good time. I was setting up that tournament, and helping with-"

"And just because I love my job doesn't mean I'm any less busy; yet, _I took time off to come see you!_ "

"I didn't say that!"

"You didn't have to!"

Now he was on the defensive again.

"You know, if you wouldn't come in here, playing mind games all the time, maybe it wouldn't be so bad! But I can't tell if one week you're going to be the Misty I love or the Misty I can't stand!"

Ash slammed his hand over his mouth—there wasn't a Misty he couldn't stand. He loved every version of her, even the most complicated and agitated, but she made him so...so damn angry all the time! He was about to correct himself when a fiery redhead grabbed her backpack.

"The Misty you can't stand?" She smiled. "You mean, the second me, who lives in my shadow? Well guess what, it's all or nothing, Ash!"

"Ditto!" he followed her sarcasm, but his abrasive response did nothing to slow her movements, she was collecting her items, whatever wasn't already sealed in her small red bag.

"You know—I know I expect a lot, but what about you, Ash Ketchum? You want me to just _fall in line,_ be okay with you just popping back into my life whenever it's convenient for you and leaving whenever you want?"

"No."

"Then why don't you take a trip to Kanto? You've already said you can take time off—oh wait, you don't want to!"

"Because I'm busy!"

Misty laughed at that.

"Is this what we are?" She asked, cocking her head to one side. "We fight, we get angry, we storm off and we make up? Rinse and repeat?"

Ash didn't say anything.

"Because I'm sick of it. I'm sick of always fighting with you, for sticking up for you, for defending you when I hate to say it, everyone's been right for the last few months!"

"About what?"

"You only want me when it's convenient for you. Unfortunately it's just part of the turf."

"That's not true!" he snapped and Misty blinked.

"Really?'

"I paid to bring you here!"

"Yeah, you did—during a time that worked only for _you_. The same way you only called when it _worked for you_."

"Yeah, and your mixed signals and keeping things from me was so much better! I didn't know what to expect from you, if you'd be happy, or upset or—You were supposed to be supportive and yet-"

"I tried to be, but maybe it's because you weren't around! Even after you said you would be!" she screamed louder now, then found herself teetering on a wobbly voice, fighting the tears at the back of her eyes with every fiber of her being. "What did I expect, I mean, after all, you were gone for four years? What the hell did I expect from you?"

Ash felt his mouth open and nothing else came out. A low blow. Misty knew she had crossed a line, and retracted her statement. Calmer now that the fire was burning out. His absence was a taboo subject she was clearly still upset about; something they hadn't worked on. Come to think of it, they didn't work on anything. They tried to pick up where they left off, and there wasn't a lot to grasp at anymore. They couldn't _talk_ about their issues because one or both of them would shut down, but they couldn't _work past them_ if they couldn't talk about them.

Misty inhaled, enough was enough.

"We had the right idea; but at the wrong time."

Ash stared at her.

"We're clearly not ready for this—god." She breathed, leaning back trying to wrap her head around her own confession. "I'm not ready for this, and I've been waiting for this since I was eleven."

Ash blinked, the anger in his eyes washed away completely. No humor laced her words; she was serious.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're not..." She stopped, no, this wasn't _only_ his fault. "We don't work."

"We fell in love when we were kids. Clearly something has changed. We're messed up, that's the only way I can describe this horrible thing we've created. One second we're happy, the next we're ready for a fist fight! I'm not the best at relationships, but even I know this isn't healthy."

Betrayal replaced grief in his eyes, she saw the way they watered, and bit down her own sadness. Pikachu jumped away from Misty at her words, ears high and mouth drawn.

"We don't work." She repeated. "Somewhere in the midst of growing up, we screwed up somewhere."

Ash couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Yeah, and you're so much better at it then I am, right? Being the better adult."

"I didn't say that."

"You don't have to! I'm the one who always gets blamed! Your life starts falling apart, that's my fault, too, huh? We fight—so why don't you just say it? I'm at fault!"

Maybe that was the hero in Ash, wanting to shoulder the situation, take the blame, but while Misty wanted to tell him she was also at fault, that she was just as much the problem as he was; instead, she found herself twice as mad that he thought for one second she blamed him.

"Then technically it was! Is that what _you_ want to hear?" Misty shouted. "It was _your_ crazy fans that came out of the wood works throwing bricks through my windows! Your fans who broke into _my apartment_ while I was asleep."

"Yeah, so I'm supposed to have control over how the media acts! You want me to be a rocket scientist too?"

"Well you're the one who apparently exudes complete control over every situation; so yeah! Why not?" Somewhere, wanting to fix their problems had been mashed behind pint of stress and sarcasm. They were both pulling at strings now.

"You know, if you didn't want to be here, I didn't ask you to be!"

"Yes, _you did_." She corrected him. "Let me make it up to you he said, let me try again, he said."

"And I have been! You're the one with too many damn issues to see that I'm trying!"

Misty wasn't sure what to say to that. "I don't know what you want form me, Misty!"

"I _wanted_ you!" She shouted back, silencing him, "Not who you pretend to be now, but who you were. That guy who was reckless and ran after his dreams, who jumped head first into adventures not because he was a child but because his dreams lead him there—not the guy who settles for some half-backed idea of a regional champion! You're barely even yourself, Ash, and don't you dare tell me it's because you've grown up and changed, you're a walking zombie!"

Ash shrugged, and Misty saw the depth of his injury. "So you don't want me unless I'm the heroic, always optimistic, never giving up Ash Ketchum, huh? The one who just keeps moving forward—boy, did we just go full circle!"

"No!" Misty yelled, amazed and yet terrified he wasn't getting it. "I wanted _all of you_ or _none of you_! I don't just want the face you put on in a crisis, or the goofball I can play around with! I want your problems, and your strengths! I want _everything_ or _nothing_!"

Ash's sarcastic smile died after that. Misty fell backwards, licking her lips and straining to find the right words.

"I don't..." She inhaled. "I didn't expect you to drop your life here, or to stop being a great trainer, or a champion—I didn't expect this to be easy—but I also didn't want to be a reason for you to pretend like what you've settled for is what you wanted. You stopped trying months ago, can't you see that?"

 _No_ , _he couldn't_.

"We...we don't work _together_ , Ash. We never have. You put us in a room together and we're great for about an hour. After that if we don't start making out, we start biting at our heels. We need a referee, and Brock can't always be here."

"I-We need a break."

Maybe that wasn't what he expected to hear at the end of this. He was so used to fighting and making up, he forgot there was another option. He buried the break his in chest with pursed lips and then winced. A few years ago, he would have fought with her; a break was clearly not what they needed—it was a break that did this to them. Being apart for so many years, away from one another. They simply didn't _know_ much about each other anymore. But he didn't say any of that, instead, he said:

"If that's what you think."

She'd be lying if a part of her didn't want Ash to fight her on the decision. But after coming so far, she couldn't just go back. They weren't fixable, or changeable, and they needed to sort this out rather than rushing in blindly. Even if that meant time apart.

"It is." she said unconvincingly.

"You're wrong, though." He said quietly and Misty for once didn't take it as a challenge, she only rolled her shoulders, then mimicked him. Bit her tongue to keep her cries to herself. There was no reason to make this harder on him; easier he hated her after this than to continue making his life harder.

"If that's what you think."

And they were at a stalemate. Staring each other down, so many things left unsaid, so many things that they couldn't, and wouldn't say. Some that would inflict pain, others that would being the healing process. However, Ash wanted to be the bigger person, he wanted to turn away from her, tell her to take the time that she needed; but he _just got her_. Maybe it was because Ash wasn't a quitter, but despite what she may have thought, he didn't want to let her go.

What was her problem? His fists clenched and they glared at one another.

"Goodbye, Ash." and yet he did.

For her.

"...Bye, Misty." And he broke eye contact, fighting back the tears as she spun around and retreated down the stairs, through the hordes of fangirls screaming at the seems of the hotel, and falling back onto his bed, where he stared at his hands and squeezed his eyes shut.

 _If he loves her, let her go._

 **Author's Note** :

 **End part 1.**

THAT FIRST PART WAS SO HARD TO WRITE. I AM SO FLUSTERED RIGHT NOW. -ehem-

In the anime, game, and other stuff; how I originally had the Kalos region in my head, was it was like the 'top tier' of the leagues (because ash was penned as his best in the XY series, so I honestly thought that if it -wasn't- a reboot, he would be facing his strongest opponents, using his strongest pokemon) With that in mind, that's why mega evolution was always a prominent key, only the truly experienced trainers could compete successfully in Kalos. This applies to their entire region—everything in the Kalos region is shiny and of good quality so the standards Ash is expected to live under aren't what his friends are used to. Kanto region, or the OS, if you will, was the blaring opposite of that. Ash 'being himself' for a day resulted in some harsh realities. Maybe he doesn't belong, or maybe he isn't the problem?

-pulls collar nervously- Idk, I feel like this shouldn't have been unexpected? (i read the reviews, I think a lot of you predicted this) Their fight-make-up habit had to end somewhere; BUT IT CAN ONLY BE UP FROM HERE, RIGHT? So, like most things, let me explain why I did this (not just for the sake of drama, I hope) but because I actually felt like it had to happen.

They're both super immature in regards to relationships, specifically. They both have so much _more_ to learn before diving head first.

 **In regards to Ash:** I've gone back and forth with this a lot, jumping between 'maturity and canon' and the line I keep crossing is the line that neither of them are ready. A big theme of Spitfire was that Ash was kind of thrown into a relationship he wasn't ready for, only to end in a relationship he thought that he was. However, the course of Spitfire lasted exactly THREE DAYS. That's not enough time to develop any real sense of moral compass and maturity to improve/grow/understand how a normal, functional relationship exists. (this applies to Misty as well) Followed immediately by his whole life changing, he hasn't handled it well. Prior to Spitfire (as I have hit this horse many times) they weren't in contact for almost four years. Ash is still out doing his own thing, but unsure of how to do still 'be himself' and 'be in a relationship' so begins the mess that was the last 25 chapters. Not that it's entirely Misty's fault, but she had a hand in helping, as did his job, and former companions (or lack there of). Really, unlike his life prior to winning the league, Ash had to not only sit still, listen to what other people told him to do, he had to try to rekindle a _friendship ,_ not only a relationship. But what came first? His duty to his title, his friends, his pokemon or what else? Ash isn't and has never been any good at internal struggle; he comes to the simplest, easiest solution and generally has pretty good intuition. That's why he says "You're wrong" to Misty. he realizes that this isn't handled appropriately, and they both know it, but they're simply not -ready-.

 **In regards to Misty** : Misty is a romantic, that's partially her downfall(?). She knows that she wants Ash to be his own person and be successful, but she also wants him around, in a way for things to be like they used to be. However, she also sees that Ash is falling apart before he realizes that he is (and partially blames herself?). He's stuck, and she hates seeing him that way, especially when she can't _fix it_ or knows how. That's why she has had the internal conflict of just wanting to leave him alone, and also blaming him for this being an issue in the first place, and blaming herself for adding to the problem. In her mind Ash was 'better off' when she wasn't around; after all, he found success and greatness in the 4 years they didn't talk. She also didn't want to burden him with her problems (problems they hadn't figured out how to talk about without it turning into a screaming match). Convinced he will better sort his problems out without her, she can only think to run. I've hinted at it occasionally, but a large part of this reaction is because Ash's 'actions' in the last 25 chapters have been reminiscence of bailing on her in the first place, so she wants to 'get out' before he has the chance to cut the cord himself. This is why, despite Ash calling her 'wrong' for making the decision to 'take a break', she still leaves.

 **In conclusion;** They're not on the same wavelength. I went back and read Spitfire, and as early as their first date (I would actually argue even before that), the problems outlined these last 25 chapters have been bright as day (to me, but maybe I'm staring at a flash light?) Yes, they belong together, but so much of their personalities and lives have changed since they were kids, too much to assume that they can 'just pick up where they left off'. Frankly, they jumped in too quickly, too soon, and without enough boundaries. That's where this whirlwind came from.

Anyways; Don't hate me, I promise it gets better? -cries- i love you guys? ;w;

Next chapter

NINT


	26. Chapter 26: Gary & Dawn

**Equanimity, Chapter 26**

Things were going well, _mostly_.

Gary fell beside her in a sweaty heap, wrapping the blankets up and around his torso while Dawn scooted herself away from him, and scooped her bra up off of the floor and started to dress herself once again. It seemed like such a natural reaction, sitting on the edge of the pokemon centers bed and getting ready to start the day.

What was that, the tenth time this week?

"You know, we should really just consider buying a pack of condoms instead of awkwardly asking Joy for them all the time." suggested Dawn.

"Hey, at least she knows we're practicing safe sex."

"...yeah, but I don't really want people to _know_ we're having sex." It wasn't her being melodramatic or shy—Dawn was none of those things—she simply didn't want other people in her business. Which was _odd_ , coming from her.

"...little late for that." Gary wiggled his eyebrows at her in an oh-so-unattractive way and she looked away from him immediately with a proper shake of her head and eye-rolling chuckle.

"You're not _that_ good."

"Really?" Gary challenged smoothly with a seductive smile. "Everyone in the center heard you."

She didn't look at him, but he practically felt her eyes roll sarcastically. "Did not."

"Does it matter if they did?"

"Well," Dawn thought to herself while crinkling her nose and looking over her shoulder at him. "No, but your ego is getting bigger than your-"

Gary sat up to interrupt her with a nasty glare and she was left snorting and giggling while tugging on her skirt and black tights. Watching her collect her lost clothing from the floor to prepare for the next step of her adventure was bittersweet. Yesterday, she won a very difficult contest, and so her next trip was to Goldenrod City, where she would compete for her fourth ribbon and prepare for the Johto Grand festival in the coming month.

"So you're probably going to leave Ecruteak City then?" Gary asked while she popped her toque onto her blue hair, and tied the rest of it back into a braid.

"Probably, I mean, there's no rest for the wicked and I have a lot to catch up on, you saw Drew—I have to win the festival in time to enter the advanced competitions so I can watch him eat his words."

Gary felt his lips twitch by her obscure reference of needed victory, and he scuttled to the side of his bed, and dangled his feet off. She was quick to dress after the fact, always the first to shower, to keep her hair tidy and her make-up presentable, whereas, Gary wouldn't have minded staying in bed for a few more hours relaxing, and didn't care if he had bed hair. Which was also strange—considering he was usually well groomed. Maybe he wasn't handling the life of _mister_ too well... not that he was, or anything.

Then again, since she was leaving, this was probably the last time he would view her in such a light. Seeing her bare back while she clipped her bra and pulled on a black top over her creamy skin was a sight for sore eyes to begin with, and he hadn't fully wrapped his head around the situation they were pickled. Dawn wanted to have sex with him, but not a relationship. She wanted friendship, but not companionship. She was very clear where her limitations were, and so cuddling and pillow-talk were out of the equation entirely. This included the after-sex glow of basking in each others sweaty glory.

"You're pretty determined, then. You're not going to stop at Top Coordinator?" Which also included acting like none of it happened, and carrying on the conversation they were having hours before.

"No way!" Dawn brushed off, flicking the remaining strands of her hair behind her head while she faced Gary. "I'll reach top coordinator, and then I'm going to go one step further than that—maybe a contest judge or something."

"Really?"

Confused by his sudden interest in her affairs, she crossed her arms. "Yeah, but it's not the destination that matters, it's the journey to get there."

Then he snorted in reply.

"What?" She hissed, eyes narrowed.

"It's just funny. You sound so..." He pursed his lips. "...conceited."

"I'm not conceited. I'm confident, and there's nothing wrong with that."

"Uh-huh."

"You're just mad that you're going to lose your sex-buddy since I'm leaving the city." She challenged him, eyes landing doltishly on his.

Gary hiccuped for a split second, but answered by standing up, and allowing the sheet to fall to the ground. "Nah," he eased, his smooth voice carrying over her skin like cotton. "But I think you're going to be." He whispered into her ear, the warmth of his breath tickled her neck, and threatened to make her knees buckle. Luckily, Dawn had more self control than that, and pushed him back against the bed much to his original delight, and then flicked the light on to blind him.

"Get dressed, someone will see you, and we don't want them to see your noodle!" She shouted with a giggle that made him worm his way back under the sheets in embarrassment and groan loudly.

It wasn't very often that the great Gary Oak actually showed signs of weakness, but when she laughed at him, it was like being stabbed.

 **XOX**

After _speaking_ with Gary, Dawn made an active effort to talk with Nurse Joy about the next step in her mission. She considered participating in the contest in Ecruteak City, but they wouldn't be holding the contest for experienced trainers for another week. It seemed like when she was a kid, she arrived in time for the ever revolving door of contests every time they happened—but lately, she found herself waiting.

"The next one is in Goldenrod City."

"Hey, Brock goes to school near there." Dawn admired sharply while folding the map inward to focus in on the area leading to the city. Piplup snacked on whatever goodies the Joy had given him, and the nurse smiled happily at Dawn.

"And Gary will be going with you?"

Dawn blinked up at her. "Uhh, maybe?" She didn't think much about the question, she _assumed_ that he would not be, his research was all here in Ecruteak City, not in Goldrenrod. She teased him about it, but had never actually considered he might be joining her.

Speak of the devil, Gary turned the corner from the room rentals with a scarf pulled up around a zipped collar and Dawn pursed her lips with a careful chuckle.

"Hey, Gary, what's up with the turtle neck?" She called to him while he flinched physically and glared over his shoulder at her where the nurse slowly took her leave. Piplup was stationed happily on the counter—thankfully for Gary the pokemon wasn't aware of their current affair, otherwise he was sure to have taken a few bubble beams to the face, but he approached her with crass.

"It's in style." He mumbled, grabbing at her scarf to pull it snug against her flesh to hide inconspicuous purple blobs. "Maybe you should try them before your next contest?"

"That's why they made make-up, darling." Dawn brushed him off while pointing to the map.

"I thought route thirty seven through National Park looked like the best route to Goldenrod City; plus, the hospital where Brock is interning at is located just north of the city.."

Gary looked down at her plans with pursed lips, and hands stuffed carelessly into his purple pockets.

"Train might be faster, but I rather enjoy a long walk—besides the next contest isn't for another few weeks, I wouldn't want to rush anything. Plus, I've heard totodiles frequent near the National Park and..."

Gary's eyebrows raised, watching her face light up at the conversation he was so clearly out of tune with, and he cleared his throat.

"That's great, Dawn." Gary chuckled, taking a seat on the stood beside hers. "But why are you telling _me_ this?" because he was not going with her.

Rule one about having sex with sort of friends. When they leave. _You let them_.

Dawn blinked curiously up at him, innocence placated on her features and a very slight, and more than likely an embarrassed hue painted over her cheeks.

"Well...I just thought you'd want to know...you know... in case you changed your mind?" She asked rather forcefully and Gary answered her question with a rather _rude_ laugh.

Which grew louder until her face of pure resentment was matched with his blurry vision and sniffles to catch his breath.

"I-I'm sorry." He wheezed. "I'm what?"

"There's nothing in Goldenrod City that I want to see—and besides, _Gary Oak_ doesn't travel with people."

"Really?" She challenged and he leaned back with a selfish, egotistic shrug.

"Really, really." Something about his response dug under her skin, he saw it in the way she crinkled her nose and narrowed her eyes, and she felt it under her skin, searing her.

"Hmph." She muttered, then grabbed her map and plans, looked over her shoulder at him, and twisted her hips in a way she knew would bother him.

"Fine then, let's go piplup, looks like we can leave sooner than I expected." her tone was pitched, insulted by his words and Gary leaned forward to watch her with a puzzled expression.

"See you later, Gary." She added with a side of humor in her voice that she had to bury her smirk with, knowing the situation would baffle him. Women didn't _walk away_ from Gary Oak, or at least, that was the mantra he carried.

 _Pfft_ , Gary watched her leave without so much as a thank you, no indication that he should follow her... just gone the moment the pokemon center door closed behind her. With the sun now beaming with full force, the glass windows blinded him in the early morning, and he screwed his face up. She wasn't upset in the slightest that he was staying behind—either she was fibbing really well, or—well- _heartless_ came to mind.

Waiting a few moments, knowing Dawn left immediately for the route she mentioned previously, he stalled in his seat.

First of all, _ow_ , rejection stung; but it wasn't as bad as he thought it would be. After all, they weren't really _anything_ after all, just two people making poor decisions with people they were comfortable around. Gary was used to this type of fling—it was a sort of hobby he frequented when he was much too young to be doing such things—but why would Dawn, of all people—be participating.

It wasn't his _job_ to worry, after all, he and Dawn were barely friends...his eyes turned to the door and his feet pumped to the exit before his mind caught up, swearing at himself.

 _He couldn't let her leave without making sure she would be okay_ , whether it was some of that _nice guy_ Ash routine rubbing off on him, or that he knew the later would kill him if something happened to Dawn when he was in full status to stop it—besides, who else knew about this?

By the time he caught up with her, she was on her way out of Ecruteak City, the same way—and nearly the same place—during their last incident, and she wore her pack over her shoulder and a confident bob in her step that piplup matched at her side. Humming pierced his ears and he shook his head, utterly confused by her personality.

Maybe it was the researcher inside of him that needed to know; or maybe it was the concerned _almost-_ friend nature of his that made him sigh and step to her side.

"Alright, you win, I'll come with you." he proclaimed, giving her pause.

Genuine concern washed over her face—and he watched, because he waited for that sly smirk reflecting her victory over him—but it never came. Instead, she smiled warmly at him and reached out to pat his head.

"Once you Dawn, you never go dark." There it was.

Gary stared at her, awestruck for the longest time, feeling sweat curl down his neck.

"...that was the worst pun I've ever heard." trying to hide the heartbreak in his voice.

She squealed quietly and slapped him on the back.

"I know, wouldn't Ash be proud?" she replied, followed immediately by Gary holding his face, and swearing under his breath. What was he getting into?

"Also, I heard that the pokemon you're looking for was actually spotted heading in this direction from a trainer yesterday." She added once her back was to him, and Gary's jaw locked.

"If you were wondering why I wanted you to come along." She added innocently, and Gary exhaled and shook his head.

"You could have started with that." he sneered while adjusting his pack for the long walk ahead.

 **XOX**

The walk to Goldrenrod City was full of many detours; while across the world from them Ash and Misty were falling apart, May was on her way here, and Max and Bonnie had finally set sail; they were cramped in the middle of the forest, following trails of pokemon. Against the push of the wind, and the pull of the ground below, the walk was mostly peaceful, though mostly because they both ventured off to their own hobbies time and again.

Gary enjoyed watching pokemon and observing their natural habitat before immediately catching them (some habits die hard) while Dawn enjoyed reading magazines with piplup, trying new contest routines, and training her pokemon. Gary was more into adventuring, Dawn was more interesting in staying at camp.

Upon his return on a particular night, he saw her tossing a baton up and down—the most recent contest in Goldrenrod City would pin her up against former rivals, and would mark one of her last ribbons before being able to enter the grand festival in Johto region—so she had to have the perfect routine to match the one that she and ambipom would be preforming.

When he watched her drop the baton for the millionth time, pick it back up and swear that they would get it the _next time_ , he couldn't help but be reminded of Ash, who while had no talent originally, never gave up. Dawn was different in the sense that she was brimming with unharvested talent; she picked skills up quickly and efficiently; and never seized to impress him. Seeing her struggle now was something like a treat.

"Don't hurt yourself." He chuckled as she first grew distracted, then embarrassed, and the baton she had recently tossed up twirled, then landed flat on her head.

"Ow! See what you made me do, you big jerk!" She hissed, taking a seat on the log while ambipom tried to console his trainer.

"I didn't make you do anything."

"I was just fine before you-"

"I've been standing here for awhile." his words stung her like a beedrill and she slumped into her seat and sighed tiredly.

"I just can't get this move down. We've been practicing for days now."

"Well, what's the point of giving a pokemon something like that, anyways? It almost sounds like you're getting into performer territory." Gary observed while taking a seat on the log opposite of her at their small campsite only a few miles out of Goldrenrod City. By noon tomorrow, they would have arrived at Brock's apartment.

Dawn inhaled. "I'll have you know that preforming came from contests originally." She scolded. "They decided to take the appeal aspect of contests and turn it into it's own show—it's not really my taste, however, since it's missing the clear battle properties of normal contests."

Gary's lips curled inward. "I've never understood the _appeal_ of contests, anyways—if you want to battle, just battle—what's the point of dressing up in frills, too?"

"Because it's more than just battling! It's about having the skill, patience, and devotion to also put on a good show—it's like ballet or ice skating, where every move must be vicious, perfectly timed and eloquent, whereas battling is a lot like a football match—who ever scores first wins."

Gary blinked. "...so... It's like battling— _but pretty_?"

"Yes!" She said, pumping her fists up and Gary snorted to himself.

"I don't expect you to understand actual entertainment, you're not even a battler anymore!" she hissed, clearly insulted by his dislike of her current dream job.

"I'm not saying it's not entertaining, it's just... it seems like a lot of work for something where it's still about battle performance."

"But it's not just!" She huffed, "You sound just like Paul!" She growled, suddenly very angry when she stormed away from the campsite into the dark, with ambipom sitting close to the fire and watching her quietly.

Once a fine sheet of silence settled between cracks and pops of the fire, Gary cleared his throat under the ape pokemon's glare.

"Don't look at me, I didn't do it."

Gary swore under his breath, ambipom stared at him with soft eyes, pleading eyes for the trainer to say something to Dawn, but Gary poked the fire instead. What business of it was his if she was sensitive about the subject of contests? It's not like _everyone_ didn't already know they were sub par to actual battling. They didn't receive the recognition that actual battles did, and for good cause. It was a flawed system—there was no _right way_ to prove that one pokemon was more beautiful or talented because beauty was in the eye of the beholder. A panel of judges couldn't make a cheat sheet for the perfect way to display over seven hundred pokemon—so it was already a bias competition. Look at the match May lost—she _won_ , and was still dubbed the loser because her tactics weren't _appealing_ enough to the audience. Unfortunately, battles sometimes meant taking a risk, and apparently, risks weren't allowed in contests.

Contests still only held a small fanbase for the rest of the world dominated by trainers—most teenagers considered contests 'child's play' and moved on into greener pastures—outside of places like Johto and Hoenn, which had strong, cult followings of the competitions, strong trainers ran out of material to work with once conquering the two regions. Of course, Gary didn't want to tell Dawn that. Being a Top coordinator; more, as she would say, was her dream, or at least, a part of it.

"I know we're not appreciated like battlers, okay?" Dawn hissed, returning to the camp fire and plopped down in front of Gary with a serious expression. "But that's only more of a reason to try harder than battlers—we don't need to be better than them; we just need to be as good." She said, a smile over her lips.

"And once people see that contests can be just as interesting and fun in their own way—I think.. well, it doesn't matter." Dawn mumbled a wide smile on her face that made Gary swallow the lump in his throat.

Whatever it was, maybe the way her deep blue eyes glistened and flickered alongside the fire, or the posture in which she spoke, or the clear confidence that she had in herself, and her goals—but he was _moved_. It had been years since such raw determination fueled his bones—since he and Ash were kids.

"...Alright." After a time, he smiled. "Then I accept your offer—I'll help you."

"I didn't ask for your help!" She snapped, but Gary already moved across the campsite, to the fallen baton and picked it up with a very graceful—girlish twirl.

Dawn was floored.

"You can twirl batons?"

"I learned when I was training on an island in Hoenn a few years ago." Gary mused, then while flipping the rod between his fingers skillfully, he paused, gripped it, and pointed it at Dawn threateningly.

"If Ash so much as hears a _peep_ about this, I'm going to tell the world about your third nipple _and_ that the rug doesn't match-"

"I do not have a third-!" Dawn hissed, face red. "I won't tell a soul—but—but, just remember I didn't ask for your help!" She shouted, fists closed and standing up to face him. Gary handed her the spare baton and her eyes snapped open. He wondered why he always found the most stubborn women to help.

"You didn't have to." He said before dragging her left of the fire, and beginning his short lesson.

Time and again, he had to remind himself that he did _not_ like Dawn. At least, not like _that_. He liked Dawn, but he was here for platonic reasons only.

Maybe she didn't _need_ protection, and he knew better than to even hint at the idea, but he worried. After all, girls were more easily taken advantage of.

...right?

"And that's how you twirl a baton." Gary finished his lecture, skillfully catching the thrown baton, without looking so much as where it was going to land—it was as if the object was polarized to him.

"Is there anything you don't know how to do?" Dawn asked offhandedly, joking, mostly, but for once very sincere. She gripped the baton between her fingers, holding it close to her chest while he stood a few feet away from her. Caught off guard by the question, he smiled wryly.

 _Lots_ came to mind, but instead: "I'll never tell."

She cracked a smirk. "Didn't think so."

 **XOX**

Brock was more than excited to see the two of them when they arrived at noon the next day.

"Friends!" Brock cheered, grabbing them both into a warm, affectionate hug—one that immediately estranged Gary.

Brock was Dawn's friend. Brock was Ash and Misty's best friend. By default, that made Gary and Brock at least friendly acquaintances, but they were far from braiding each other's hair and swapping girl stories. Besides, Gary didn't like to be touched.

"Huh, you're touching me." Gary groaned, stepping away from Brock by twisting his hands and lurching away quickly. "You two can do the hugging thing, I'ma be over here." he gestured to the chair off to the side from the group and settled into the single one beside the coffee table, and faced a horrible soap opera—something akin to the shows his grandfather watched. Groaning, he flipped through the stations, trying to listen to the sound of the television while the duo behind him rambled through incoherent, incomplete, babble.

Gary knew baby pokemon that spoke clearer.

He did not understand how Dawn could so easily flip her mood—one second she was beating herself up, and the next she was as enthusiastic and determined to press forward as she always was. It was the same trait that she shared with Ash, never giving up in sight of a great challenge—lucky for her, she had Gary and Brock around to ramble her emotions to, and that gave him some solace when he finally managed to focus in on the match he changed the station to.

A marshtomp fighting a bayleef. A very _familiar_ marshtomp and a blue haired trainer— _was that Max_?

Gary turned the sound of the match up, earning the curiosity of his companions from their conversation.

"Hey, is that Max?" Dawn asked, pointing at the small figure who shouted out commands to his pokemon with _some_ skill. Honestly, Gary winced. He was rough around the edges—and seemed to take too long on decisions, which were rounding the battle out to a clean victory for bayleef.

"...he isn't very good." Dawn let slip while Brock swat her lightly on the head.

"We don't say that about our friends, we cheer them on!" Brock scolded while Dawn stuck her tongue out at him, rubbing underneath her cap while Gary crossed his arms.

They weren't _wrong_ , Max was getting slaughtered. Either because he froze, or because he called out _bad_ attacks in defense. He knew this was a re-run because of the added announcement, plus, anything happening in Kalos had to be a rerun because of timezones.

"Looks like the Hoenn native is struggling against Kalos native, champ!" The announcer spoke loudly through his microphone while the camera zoomed into a very angry and aggressive cheering May Maple, who sat beside Misty, who sat beside Ash, who was beside Clemont, and then Serena. For their own reasons, they each looked greatly disturbed—lucky for them it could be chalked up to the battle below.

"Even the champion showed up to watch his old friend battle—it's a shame it's such a mess!" The announcer added.

"How can they announce that on television?" Dawn grumbled, knowing well how rude they were being. Gary shrugged.

"That's TV for you." he muttered nonchalant.

"Ohhh! And another bad turn for marshtomp! What will Max do next? Find out after the break!"

The screen then flashed to a scene of two reporters staring into a camera, while seating in front of a red wall, talking about the newest events world wide.

"I forgot that these things aren't live." Dawn laughed, and Brock nodded.

"It's weird being twelve hours a head, that's for sure. I never know when to call them."

Gary listened to their conversation go back and forth for a few minutes before refocusing on the television announcers report. The usual, scandals with stronger trainers—most of them made up—which events were happening around the region, what crimes were committed and then...

"Rumors have spread of the prestige Team Rocket grunts fleeing the region as the largest crime syndicate known to Kanto and Johto region dissipate by the handfuls." Gary blinked inching forward to listen more carefully, when Dawn's elbow crashed into the back of his head by accident.

"Oh, I slipped!" she gasped, patting him. "I'm so sorry, are you okay." She asked while he glared up at her and then back at the television to release a sigh. They already switched the news again and this time to-

"Hey, is that you?" Brock questioned while leaning over the couch to get a better look. No doubt, it was Gary, wristbands and purple pants and all standing beside Misty and her sister, Daisy. The title "is he back at it again?" flew up on the screen while the announcers had a good laugh.

"Maybe that's why the champ was so uncomfortable at the tournament? His girlfriend's been spotted more with his rival than-" Gary clicked off the screen before their annoying, pompous television personalities could insanely grow on his nerves. His fists were clenched so tight, he could have crushed the remote in on hand, and ripped a hole in Brock's pleather couch. He hated that they snapped pictures, and made stories up on the fly—like they weren't even real people.

No one said anything.

"I'm not sure I'm okay with them knowing this much about my life." Gary hissed, first of all, he knew how uncomfortable it was to be chased around—being Samuel Oak's grandson, he was no stranger to magazines and news outlets—hell, he had his own fanbase for years—but the way they found _any_ excuse to stir up _old_ news to create unwarranted, _unwanted_ and most definitely unnecessary drama for he and his old friends made his blood _boil_.

"I'm pretty sure that's classified as _slander_!" the last drop of his voice launched the remote onto the floor where it cracked and splintered into several different pieces. Brock withheld his screech that pressed against his lips in favor of Gary's unusual rage.

"This is what's wrong with the world! Everyone wants to be in everyone's god _damn_ business!" He screamed, turning to look at both Brock and Dawn who were petrified on the spot.

Gary flicked his thumb over his lip and then brushed passed them.

"I need some air." he muttered during his retreat, leaving Brock and Dawn to watch. Once the door slammed shut, they looked to one another worriedly.

"He took that a little harder than usual." Brock observed. "Anything weird happen on your way here?"

The way the question rolled of his lips, so careful and smooth, Dawn knew he was fishing for gossip. He urged Dawn to spill the gritty, dirty details of whatever secret that she was so easily hiding, and had it been anyone's secret but her own, she might have cracked. After all, Brock was one of her best friends—she told him— _and Ash—_ everything.

"Not that I know of! We've just been trying to uncover secrets about the new legendary pokemon he's searching for, and practicing my routines." Dawn hummed while skipping past a befuddled Brock, and directly into the kitchen where she made herself at home to his chips, salsa, and whatever else she felt like having.

 **XOX**

Gary didn't return to the small apartment until dinner was being prepared, almost six hours after leaving. Since then, they had somehow managed to flour the entire kitchen, cover Brock head to toe in flour, and burn what should have been the perfect chocolate cake. It was Dawn's fault, of course, she wanted to try her hand at taking Brock on in Super Smash Pokemon, and they lost track of time. Gary slipped in without a word while they yammered.

"I think it's ruined Brock."

"Nothing a little frosting can't fix!"

"Mm! Chocolate!"

Why _did_ this bother him so much? He asked himself the millionth time. Gary should have taken refuge and solace in the fact that his greatest rival, friend, and possibly best friend in the world, was having a hay day in the Kalos region—but something about the scenario rubbed him the wrong way. How dirty and obsessive the news media was—and how quick they were to toss poor Ash under. Not even Ash, toss _Misty_ under the bus. They wouldn't deflate Ash's reputation, after all, he was a _hero_ , Misty was portrayed by the media as some home-wrecking nitwit, what did they care about her reputation?

Furthermore, why did _he_ care so much? He helped her, helped Ash, did his good deeds, and was supposed to be helping Dawn.

Gary didn't _have_ problems, he had everyone else's problems!

"If you keep thinking so hard, your head will start sizzling." Dawn joked after calling out for him several times. Gary looked up at her, in her blue apron standing beside Brock who dusted off his hands.

"You wanna help out?"

He scoffed. "No thanks."

As he was leaving the kitchen, he heard Brock mutter under his breath about how much of a stick in the mud Gary was, and it only persuaded his fists to close tighter. He was _not_ a stick in the mud. He was barely a jerk anymore! Just look at all the favors he was throwing out to everyone! He didn't like cooking—or baking or... or... Gary slumped against the long couch and folded his arms.

 _He wasn't Ash_ , and he was tired of the comparison. Not that he, Gary Oak, grandchild of professor Oak should have ever been overshadowed by the young farm boy-Ketchum, but he was. And Everyone _loved_ to remind him of that. Even the _friends_ he had were Ash's friends, first!

Gary cracked a smirk at his own selfishness. What a way to be. After all, who wouldn't want to be _Gary_. He was smart, cunning, and most importantly, handsome. Yet, not for the first time, he felt so lack luster and sub par.

He blamed Dawn. He was fine until she showed up.

 **XOX**

Later that night, after the festivities of attempting to bake came to a smoldering end, Dawn joined Gary in the living room, where he would sleep respectfully on the floor, and she would sleep on the couch covered with sheets and blankets. After all, it was the _polite_ thing to do.

While they set up camp in Brock's living room—since his apartment only had one bed room—Dawn tried to make small talk with the otherwise cranky Gary.

"Max isn't a very good trainer, is he?" Dawn asked while fluffing her pillow up and tossing it against the arm rest. He suspected that she wanted to call several times, but refrained from doing so. Gary exhaled, and nodded quietly. They both already took care of their hygiene needs—Dawn's hair was damp from a long shower that would more than likely rack up Brock's utility bill.

"You shouldn't go to bed with your hair wet." he tried, though Dawn brushed him off while sitting and placing her hands in her lap.

"I wonder why, though. He's always seemed fine until it comes to the big battles—you know?"

"Maybe he gets stage fright like May?" Gary deduced, rolling over in his sleeping bag to seek a more comfortable position facing away from the woman.

"That could be possible... but May doesn't really get stage fright its..." Dawn petered off, realizing Gary wasn't listening. "Ash and Misty did seem a little distant though, didn't they?"

"You know how to news makes people out to be." Gary grumbled quietly, surprisingly still sticking up for Ash and Misty, even though he knew that Dawn wasn't intentionally putting them down.

Dawn paused for a long time before saying: "Thanks for turning that off, though."

"No problem." Though he wasn't quite sure why that mattered to either of them. They knew that Ash and Misty's relationship was going to be a walking, breaking hurricane when it started—that didn't mean the news needed to highlight every variation of the storm.

"You know, Gary. You're smarter than you look."

Gary rolled his eyes. "I am Oak's grandson."

"But I mean-" Dawn huffed, he was so hard to compliment. "don't things like that get under your skin? Accusing you of being the _Mister_?"

"What?" Gary blinked up at her, looking quite a few years younger with his blurry eyes. "Nah, I've been called that my whole life, even if the title wasn't necessarily true. I'm sure Ash told you about the cheerleaders."

"...Yeah he did." She mumbled while slipping from the couch, and onto her knees on the floor beside Gary who let out a strangled noise at her knees against his back. "You don't think I am?"

His head snapped around, he should have known this was coming. "Dawn..." he sighed. "No, you're not."

"But what would you call it then?"

Choosing his words carefully, Gary smacked his lips. "Sexually proactive."

A grin cracked on her face, but didn't quite reach her eyes. "That makes it sound like a sport."

"In some countries, I'm sure that it is." Gary laughed under his breath, turning over with the belief that the conversation was now over, and Dawn would go immediately back to her happy-go-lucky self.

"But you said I shouldn't, either." She hummed, "You know, before..." Well, apparently Gary _wasn't_ going to get any sleep tonight after all.

"Listen, Dawn, I said that because you shouldn't be doing _things_ with people you don't know or trust."

"Well I know you."

"That's different."

"How is that different?" She asked timidly, eyebrows furrowed and a very apparent frown over her pink lips. Gary sighed once more, this time sitting up.

"It's different, because we know that it's-" his eyes darted around the room, looking for Brock's prying eyes. "-safe to have sex with me."

"...so emotions don't factor in at all."

Gary hung his head back. "Dawn..." he groaned. _What do you want from me_? He whined inwardly. "I don't know, okay? You were the one that said _you_ wanted to. I didn't pressure you into it."

"...How come?"

"Because I don't pressure girls for sex."

"But I'm not just any girl."

"Okay." Gary nodded. "I don't ask my friends for sex." he corrected, but that still wasn't the answer Dawn was pinning for—whatever she was.

"I asked you for sex—actually, I kind of pressured you."

Groaning again, Gary sat up to face her and watch her eyes for the hidden message she was so desperately wanting him to unravel.

"You didn't pressure me."

"So you wanted to?"

Gary winced, shaking his head. Her eyes were misleading, glazed over and emotionless; her body, which vibrated every so often was the only indication he had to that she was _actually disturbed_ by what they were talking about.

"Yes, I wanted to, is that what you want to hear?" He asked, eyebrows narrowed and eyes blinking—it wasn't the _truth_ , but at this point, he was just trying to figure out what was going on in her head.

"So I was easy then?"

Throwing his arms up in frustration, he brought them back down to grab her shoulders. "Dawn, you can't be easy. You've only had sex with me-" Gary wanted to retract the statement the moment it left his lips because the clear disdain that flooded her emotionless gaze made his heart ache.

" _Oh_."

Then she was looking down at her fists clenched against her pink robe, and her bottom lip sucked into her mouth while she refused to look at him.

"Is that why you and Paul...?" She flinched again. "...oh." he added again, each vowel hitting her like a heavy weight.

"But, still, that's..." He sighed, glad to know it was at _least_ something he could relate to. "Dawn, you're not being stupid."

"But I am." She said quietly. "I know I shouldn't think this way, but ever since it happened, I've felt so..guilty. Since leaving Pallet Town I was convinced I liked Paul until everything was said and done—and now." She bit down on her lip, recalling the countless conversations that they had—sometimes, the countless times he ignored her, and she flipped out on him over it. "Well...afterwards I kind of realized how much of a jerk he was."

Gary laughed, he couldn't help himself while she glared at him. "No kiddin'? A blind person could have told you that."

"Well, he's not—he's not always bad." Dawn insisted and Gary raised his eyebrows, challenging that statement.

"Name one good thing he has done for you."

Dawn gnawed the inside of her cheek in thought, wracking her mind for a _good enough_ answer.

"One time, he... well, we traveled together for awhile and he put up with me."

Gary deadpanned her. Eyes blinking every so often to indicate the high level of unimpressed he was. Realizing Gary wasn't going to crack and agree with her sentiments, her eyes finally danced around, and fell to the floor.

"Never mind, I don't know why I even told you."

"Because I'm the relationship master?"

"Oh please." Dawn huffed, rolling her teary eyes, it was already unfamiliar enough talking about her problems with someone else—especially a problem that wasn't about pokemon. _Not that it was a problem_ , Dawn added hastily.

"Seriously, though." Gary exhaled. "So long as you're safe, and smart you're not _a misses_ " he decided on matching her term of _mister_. "You're just like any other human with certain needs after a certain age. Sleeping with Paul and realizing it wasn't what you wanted does not make you the bad person. So stop being stupid."

"But it was..." She was so quiet, he barely heard her. _He was something that she wanted. In some way... a little bit. Thought she couldn't place a finger on why._ A part of her wanted to hurt Paul as much as he had her—but he hadn't really done anything wrong.

Now it was Dawn's turn to look up at him, eyes blinking, drying the tears that began to pool while watching his face.

"I'm not-" She huffed, but then grinned at him and nodded. "Thank you." She mumbled quickly, blinking at him in that _special_ way that he was growing so familiar with.

"Right now?" he asked, overly aware of their surroundings when she leaned forward and started kissing him. Hands on his cheeks innocently, she raked her fingers through the soft auburn strands that danced above his shoulders while he, too leaned in. She was like kissing spring, a soft delicate woman until the switch in her head flipped, and the innocent raking turned into hair pulling, and he was on his back on the couch.

"Whoa, Dawn." he grunted at the minor separation before their lips danced once more and his eyes blurred then buzzed shut.

He didn't like Dawn, but he liked the way her fingers snapped the buttons on his shirt. He didn't like Dawn, but he liked the way her lips trickled one kiss at a time from his mouth, to his chin, to to nip of his neck. And he _knew_ that he didn't like Dawn, but he liked the way her body, so slim and light fit his like a puzzle.

 _He swore that_ he didn't like Dawn.

Not even a little.

Not the way she chuckled at his unmanly shudders—or the way she poked his ego. He didn't like Dawn, because she was overly kind and rational—unlike a certain specific woman he couldn't quite imagine when Dawn sat so carelessly on his lap. She was different—and he certainly didn't like how she was a gossip, or the way she spent six hours on her hair. Or how she never gave up. Or how she insisted there was "no need to worry" even in the worst situations.

He...

 _He did not_.

Yet he kissed her back anyways, and she reciprocated affectionately, and he swore to himself

"Hey, I was thinking that tomorrow we could watch some-" Brock rounded the corner, and while Gary heard him immediately, they were mid-way switching positions with Dawn's hand too far south for comfort and their lips a weaved mess.

"Oh my arceus! NOT ON MY COUCH." He shouted, deafening the two while they jumped away from one another in sheer panic. Dawn pat her clothes down and shuddered under Brock's glare, face as bright as a tomato.  
"He was helping me put my back in!" Dawn responded appropriately and Gary slapped his face, and carefully tugged a pillow into his lap. _Because that was a great excuse!_

Brock stared wide eyed, or as wide as he could with his jaw hung open. "I knew it! And I trusted you in my living room! Do you have no self control!?"

That was it, no more for Gary. He was tapping out—and now that Brock knew about it, there was _no way_ Dawn would continue. While she was an amazing woman— _that he did not like—_ she also cared a lot about what her friends thought, and based on Brock's reaction—mostly panicking about the cleanliness of his couch, this was not going to be in Gary's favor.

Not that he _wanted_ it to be. This was just to protect Dawn. Now that the skitty was out of the bag—he was safe again. Dawn would go back to pretending nothing happened, Brock would lecture them, and she would be over this little tiff she was in—especially after their conversation.

After all, she didn't like him.

And he didn't like her.

So there was no reason to continue this charade they were playing. But then when she moved to console Brock who was shouting about 'cleaning the sheets' her hand brushed his knee and the shudder that ran down his spine brought his chin to his chest with a heavy sigh.

 _Oh no_.

 **Author's Note** :

I haven't written a Dawn chapter for a reason, but she'll get her moment to shine here soon.

Idk why, but I really enjoyed writing this chapter. I laughed so much. (Gary may or may not be one of my fav characters -leaves-) MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE CHAPTERS 24 and 25 KILLED ME. -flees-

I... don't actually want to say much -about- this chapter unless someone asks me because it has -a lot- of themes and touchy subject matter in regards to Dawn and Gary's peculiar situation. There's not a lot I want to say, unless someone says something. So...er... lemme know?

I love all your support. Thank you. (:

NINT


	27. Chapter 27: Dawn

**Equanimity, Chapter 27**

 _Goodbye, cruel world_. Were Dawn's initial thoughts.

Brock had not stopped talking, and had it not been a lecture at her, she might have given him credit for his long winded speech. Gary had already checked out, slurping back his eighth cup of coffee, probably contemplating how much alcohol he could sneak in between rants without getting caught. The bottle was only a couple inches away, but Brock would notice and swat his hand every so often. Dawn felt sort of bad, dragging Gary into this. After all, she was the one that started kissing him. Started this _whole thing_ , whatever it was.

She wasn't _sure why_ she started kissing him, but at some point, the answer would come to her. She had been waiting a few weeks now. Hopefully before Brock blew a gasket.

 _Hormones_ was out, _it was fun_ was out, and _because I wanted to_ were all off the table. Brock wanted an honest answer as much as she did...

Unfortunately, if she didn't have one for herself, she couldn't give one to Brock—let alone Gary.

"So," he finally rounded off. "You two are dating?"

Easy answer: no.

Hard answer: no.

Dawn looked to Gary for assistance, and he seemed curious for her answer as well, so Dawn said instead:

"It's...uh...complicated."

"See, no," Brock shut her down. "complicated is when you kiss someone and realize you've made a mistake. What I saw was three shades of boning— _on my couch_."

"Yes, your poor couch, can we please move on?" Gary finally addressed sarcastically, but Brock raised his finger at him. Least he had the knowledge to bite his tongue on why it was any of Brock's business in the first place.

"None from you, Gary, I've known you a lot longer than Dawn. I can't believe you would do this, man."

Gary gawked at Brock for a moment as Dawn whistled in her defense. Gary visibly grew angry, finally cracking the surface of his tantrum response, but Dawn cut in.

"I'm an adult, Brock."

"Saying it doesn't make it true!" Brock snapped, pacing back and forth.

"So is this like some kind of booty call, or something? Dawn, I thought you liked Paul? Zoey at the least—but Gary Oak? Do you know who he lost his virginity to?"

Now Gary was bordering on insulted, and pissed off; staring madly at Brock with intense eyes. Brock glared angrily back, but Dawn shrugged slightly, losing her voice.

"It's not a big deal..."

"Until one of you gets pregnant."

Neither corrected him, but Gary ran his hand through his hair in frustration and muted his complaints with a strangled sigh. She couldn't blame him, Brock was like her older brother, he had every right to be upset; but his pensive lines were being taken out at the wrong person. Dawn knew that Gary wasn't the one to blame. She was.

Yet, she couldn't find the voice to tell Brock what she had started. She couldn't even admit it to herself; how could she say it to one of her best friends?

"God—between you and Ash I'm just..." Brock fizzled out, dropped his arms, recalling the last phone conversation he had with Ash, when suspecting that the trainer was up-to-know-good and looking for a bail out. Knowing that Dawn was here, sitting on his couch, making out with Gary Oak, though. It shocked his entire system.

"You're right, I'm over reacting. It's your life. We're not kids anymore, so do what you want." Brock threw up his arms, but some how, his acceptance didn't make her feel any better.

 _Shame_ , was it shame she was feeling buried so deep in her chest? Gary said there was nothing wrong with it, being sexually _proactive_ , but then again, Gary had not _used_ a friend before. He had flings, but not with friends of friends or anyone inside his social circle.

While she felt fine with it when it was _just to two of_ them, she now felt so guilty it threatened to claw out her heart and regurgitate onto the floor before her. It made her stomach upset, and her head spin. Like that time she accidentally pushed Barry into the river, or caused Ash to temporarily lose his lure of Misty. _Guilt_ , and lots of it.

Eventually, Dawn's face screwed up, trying to get out of her head, out of this rotating door of emotions; she blinked up at Brock, who had been completely quiet—as if he expected an explanation now more than ever, and if she was not being such a coward, she might have given him one.

"What did you mean _Zoey at least_?"

 **XOX**

Dawn used Gary. It was an idea she was _trying_ to wrap her head around; kissing him made the blurry lines disappear, and she was able to regain her focus for a short time. Going one step further—well, that gave her the last ribbon she won, and preparation for the next. Her _fling_ with Gary was no different than substance abuse!

Only... Gary and Dawn were people, and when she sat down to think about it, she never felt worse in her life.

Time and again, she thought of calling her mother Joanna, who had more than a dozen notches in her belt—two were real heart breakers—her first love, and Dawn's dad, of course—and the rest she said were accidents and blunders. Joanna was confident enough in herself to maintain an emotional peace, but she always warned Dawn about _getting attached._ Dawn squeezed the bridge of her nose, and leaned back on the bed where she lay.

Brock forced Dawn to sleep in his bedroom. That, or Gary had to sleep in there, because he did not trust either of them. Not that he had to worry, after being walked in on, Dawn was beginning to think that swearing off men completely was a bright idea. The way Gary looked at her a moment ago, when she kissed him for _the last time_ (because it was the last time, she promised herself) made her feel wrong, and disgusting. A wolf in goat skin.

Covering her face with the sickening scent of cologne smelling blankets, she wrapped herself up into the bed, willing herself to sleep—but found that none would come. She heard Brock and Gary yapping at one another in the other room, and tossed the blankets off, and started to pace.

She needed to fix this.

Ash mentioned once that he knew someone who time-traveled and a pokemon that could help—could Dawn pull that off? Surely Ash would know the solution! As she typed his familiar number in the window of her phone, she stopped when Brock's voice echoed into her ears.

 _What were you thinking, Gary? What is Ash going to say_!

 _Nothing! Ash doesn't need to know! God are you all attached at the hip?_

Dawn immediately dropped her phone as if it erupted in flames, and started pacing once again. Right, no one else needed to know, she, Brock, and Gary could fix this. All she had to do is go out there, sit down, and _talk_ about it.

Talk about why she was behaving this way; _but she didn't know herself_.

She could mention that it won't happen again _; but that was a lie, she had already told herself when they leave Goldenrod City, things would go back to normal_.

Maybe, _maybe!_ Dawn might have even liked Gary— _a little bit—_ maybe. She did kiss him first, after all, and for real. If Brock hadn't walked in when he did, she might have more to clean up than just her mess, emotionally, she would be ruined.

No, that, too, was a lie. Dawn was already emotionally ruined. Pacing back and forth, she finally dropped to the window sill, allowing the shuddering cold to penetrate her sleeping gown, and cause shivers to erupt in her body.

What was worse, was when she thought about who to ask for advice, she thought of Gary—and Misty, and Brock. But how could she ask? What would they say to her? Surely they would tell her it's not her fault, Dawn was just in a weak state and was taken advantage of. _But she wasn't, Dawn knew what she was doing._

She was using Gary to feel better about herself, and that was so _wrong_. For the first time in months, she felt appreciated, and happy. She felt daring and brave, she felt like she had, for a time, scratched the surface of finding a happy relationship—and what she thought was a good relationship, was one that didn't expect her to put aside her goals in life. One that didn't take over her life, one that she did not have to think about, did not have to focus on. She wad Dawn plus one. Not Dawn and Gary.

Gary was great, he was nice, and supportive—sometimes a little egotistic and a bit of an occasional narcissist, but he, unlike a certain other guy she _might_ have been infatuated with, treated her with some level of respect. He did not talk down to her, did not look down on contests; by all means, Gary was...he was great.

Yet, no matter how much she tried, her heart stopped a beat or two before fully committing, and she knew it. Relationships were either cut and dry like May and Drew's; they were perfect for one another, and every action had a respectful consequence. Or, relationships were like Ash and Misty's: drawn out, passionate and messy, every action had a sporadic consequence, and if they didn't hold on, they would lose. And yet, they both somehow survived, while Dawn was busy dancing around her own advancement.

She felt so stupid, having so many issues about relationships!

She was Dawn Matthews, she did not have relationship issues; she didn't focus on the past, or obsess over other people's lives. She wasn't a jealous person, or an angry person; she was positive and charming with just the right amount of confidence. The last few months were so unlike her, she felt rotten inside.

Life used to be simple when she traveled with Ash and Brock; after that, when she went on to pokemon modeling, and beyond that, when she stepped into her own blossoming journey against fellow rivals. She had her high points, but she could never think of any low points lower than this.

Hard to believe that one party watching Ash Ketchum fumble around girls he's known his entire life was what sent her over the edge. She even _helped_ him and Misty find one another—sneaked him into hearing a confession from the redhead, went with him to buy her flowers, and stumbled into Paul frickin Shinji at the corner stone of self-realization. He was nice, for once, acknowledged her, for once; and back then, Dawn had thought nothing of it.

Now, his face followed her everywhere—not the one of acknowledging her, but the one of betrayal arriving a fraction of a second after she started to yell at him for no other reason than trying to find her, to ask her questions. Turning on him, after she pushed him into it.

Dawn felt her hands slip from the window sill, and she sunk to the ground, holding her head and her tears back.

No matter how much she tried, she couldn't forget the night she and Paul spent together. No matter how she tried to deny it, forget it—it watched over her in the shadows, taunting her. In the midst of traveling with May and Drew after he rudely told her to grow up, Paul came back. He came back to her. He wanted to apologize, if not with his words—then with action. Paul we never one to speak eloquently his thoughts.

At the time, Dawn's intentions were to confront him for his behavior, but she never had to; his kisses cut her off abruptly, and she let him wrap his arms around her waist. In time, their passion brought them one step closer, and Dawn would be lying if she said she hadn't been warmed to her core by his mouth. Kissing him was like winning a ribbon in a tight match, it pushed adrenaline through every vein and created white lights behind her eyes that carried her to her carelessness. They were clumsy, and angry, and their bodies fit so neatly together.

For someone who hated romance, despised the idea of being in a relationship and believed it to be far too distracting; he kissed her so passionately, her entire body quaked, and the tumble they found themselves in was genuine passion. Lust driven antics from pent up hormones—that's how Dawn referred to it. After all, she couldn't say that she enjoyed it; she couldn't say that those hours, some months ago, were some of the best of her life. Dawn certainly would never admit to anyone that she was still hung up on Paul...

...because she rejected him.

 _"I think I love you_."

The words were icy now, a cold sting biting into her room, through her night gown and forcing her arms to clamp around her knees as she rocked back and forth. Paul's voice fluttered into her ears when her heart beat completely froze, seconds before exhaustion, or surprise, robbed her of consciousness.

 _I think I love you_ he said to her after the fact, when he looked so sensitive and honest. When she just might have believed him—if their past wasn't littered with the primary question she found ringing in her ears the very second she woke up.

 _Why!?_

Suddenly, it felt too real—but she couldn't say anything—Paul liked her, officially, even told her so, but that thought scared her so much it forced her to literally run. For the last few months, she told herself it was because he wasn't the one for her; but really, it was because she finally took a long, hard look at herself.

What would life with Paul look like? What would it _feel like_? Sometimes, she pretended it would be fun, running after him, forcing him to participate in events with her—drag him to shows, and contests, social events and gatherings. She would laugh, and he would scowl, she would defend him to their friends for his behavior, constantly try to keep him happy, but never know when he really was. They would attend their friends weddings, where she would have to force him to dance with her, where he would mock her and get upset by her antics. They might even have a few kids someday, and they would be as apprehensive and lonely as she was when she tried to explain to them that Paul loved them, he just did not show it.

Then, of course, the guilt that she knew all to well, for assuming she knew exactly how their future would plan out—and fear that she didn't know for sure, because _she didn't really know Paul_. In the time they spent together, she learned that he actually cared for his pokemon, but he was a very strict trainer. Ash's words and confidence during their final match instilled a new motto, and he was very punctual. Dawn could talk about his battling technique all day, but after that—she didn't know about his relationship with his brother, or his parents; what his hobbies were. All she knew was his stone, cold persona—and...

 _I think I love you_.

She got scared, and she ran. Dawn followed that by immediately destroying any chance they had to reconcile, threw him out of her life—because after all, he _was_ the one that told her not to focus on relationships; and if she let herself fall into one with him, that's all she would ever think about.

Paul wasn't good for her.

On the other hand, Gary, who had been supportive through the ordeal, charming and steadfast, was the ideal replacement.

Yet, she felt... _something_ , but it was no where near the level of confusion she had for Paul. If relationships were ranked on the level of confusion, Paul was a ten, and Gary was one. He kept it simple, he was easy to read, and full of surprises that _weren't_ terrifying. Gary was on good terms with all of her friends, and was already _fun_ to be around.

So why was it that-

"Oh god, Dawn. What am I gonna do?" She muttered to herself, feeling her mind go endlessly in circles. Fresh tears spilled from her eyes, and drenched the cloth around her knees, and she wondered when exactly she started crying. She buried these troubles behind a lie of false confidence, knew that if she _only worked harder_ , she could move on.

Yet, here she was. Sitting on the floor of Brock's apartment, huddling close to her knees, and feeling worse than she ever had before.

"Yeah, Brock, you keep that friggin thing away from me!" Gary shouted, taking refuge in Dawn's room, and immediately snapping her back into reality. She wiped at her tears before Gary turned around and saw her sitting so limp in the corner. His shoulders were broad and lips turned down in a scowl until he saw her.

 _No, no, no_. She didn't want anyone to see her like this!

"Are you alright?" His dark eyes stopped immediately on her frail body, crumpled beneath the window sill, eyes red and puffy, and face screwed up.

"Y-yes." She hiccuped, trying to sound confident. Gary knew better, so as the light pounding of Brock's fists hit the door, Gary was kneeling beside her.

"What's wrong, Dawn?"

Then, the tears started running, and she lost all control over her body when her shoulders started to bounce uncontrollably and sobs fell out of her mouth.

"Dawn-"

"Stop being so nice to me!" She screamed, literally pushing her hands into his chest and flinging him backwards. Surprised, Gary fell backwards, hitting his head on Brock's carpeted floors, and though her shove had no force to it, it was enough of a shock that when Brock came in with a spare key to the bedroom, gloating, he immediately stopped.

"What happened?" Brock asked, then angrily looked at Gary, who was at a lose for words. "What did you-"  
"Stop blaming him." Dawn screeched, standing up and digging her heels into the ground. "It's me, okay!? I'm sorry!"

Silence followed the outburst, then.

"Dawnie-" Brock started, approaching her with a kind hand. "I was only giving you a hard time, that's what I do—I'm so-"

"Stop—just-just stop, okay!?" She wheezed, gathering up her nightgown and bolting past him to the door. "I'm the bad one! I did this! I started all of this! Just—just-don't follow me!"

They didn't have time to argue with her, Gary was still standing up and masquerading his confusion with frustration. Brock, shamefully, let his chin hit his chest—though Dawn didn't stop to stare. She let her feet carry her out the door, into the brisk summer night, and entrap her lungs until they felt ice cold.

Once upon a time, she was told that if she didn't like someone, exploring all of her options would be easy— _fun_ even. Most people around her age jumped from relationship to relationship. They discovered themselves and who they were on the winding road of life. _Happily_. Dawn told herself she could do that, she could live like that. After all, she could do anything.

She could even run until her feet bled, and scream internally at herself for being so stupid—for being so selfish. She could even hate herself _just a little_ for her actions, and knock herself down a few notches.

When she stopped, she didn't know where she was, but she was hovering over a small fountain, _really_ staring at herself for the first time in months. He hair was a tangled mess, unusual for her pristine appearances. Her eyes were blood shot and puffy, yesterday's make-up was a smear down her face, and her gown was tangled. The shorts she wore beneath were sweaty from her run, and the outfit clung to her back.

She didn't even recognize herself.

So when her fist hit the water to destroy the crystal clear image, she only allowed herself to crumple and fall, back against the brick wall—and cry for the first time in a long time.

She couldn't do this anymore.

 _She couldn't pretend._

 **XOX**

Somewhere after midnight, she had stumbled back into Brock's apartment, and was thankful that neither of the boys worried expressions stopped her from her pursuit into Brock's bedroom, where she slammed the door, and laid awake for five hours. Morning came, and she felt unrest digging into her chest.

Self control was waking up in the morning to a cold shower, to dusting off her hands of what had happened, and focusing on what _would_ change starting now. Dawn quietly ignored the groans and worried glances between Gary, and Brock. Neither of them slept the night before, as indicated by the bags under their eyes, and the immense need of coffee. Still, when she looked over her shoulder at Gary, she felt a painful pang in her heart. No one said a word for the length of breakfast, and Brock and Gary waited to speak to one another until Dawn was cleaning off her plate in the other room. She prepared herself for what they were going to say, for the chastise that she was about to receive, but when she re-entered the kitchen, she was surprised to see the both of them still sipping their coffee, and reading two halves of the paper.

Dawn carried her weight to the refrigerator, where she put away the milk and orange juice, then took a seat opposite of them and started in on the comics section that they left out of their morning read. Every time she tried to speak, she stopped herself.

What could she say that wouldn't make Gary hate her—or make Brock disappointed in her? She already felt these things for herself, she certainly didn't need any help.

Tired of the silence, however, Gary set his paper down. "On a scale from one to 'this was a desperate cry of help before I throw myself over the edge of a tall building'; what was last night?"

Her mouth opened, but before words escaped, an overly-emotional, and sleep deprived Brock jumped in.

"I'm so sorry, Dawn. I didn't mean to make you cry. I just took my joke too-"

"Shut up, let her talk." Gary quickly scolded, watching the man deflate. His hard eyes struck her once more, and she never realized he could be so intense. For once other than his research, she saw the snark of a young man. She looked down at the paper she was thumbing through aimlessly, and cleared her throat.

"Last night was..." she inhaled. Might as well be honest. "I've been really stressed out over something lately, and I'd rather not discuss it. I've done somethings that I am not _proud_ of, but I can't change what I've done, only hope that I can be better."

"Doesn't sound like you're facing the problem." Gary's snide tone intervened, and this time, Dawn matched his glare.

"Yeah, but I'm handling it."

"Really? So, handling it like you've found a solution—or handling it like you're going to run out and use people for sex and stress relief?"

"Like I found a solution." She snapped. "and—and-"

She was thankful when the phone rang, because it separated the conversation as Brock excused himself from the kitchen to grab it; apparently uncomfortable. She even expected Gary's nerve to loosen, but Brock's absence only made his gaze harsher. She swallowed hard.

"You know, you're not the first girl that's done this to me—I'm no stranger to being treated this way; but I'm not going to lie, if you can't handle what you put yourself into, then you should have _never_ put yourself in this situation."

"I thought I could handle it!" She replied quietly in a harsh whisper. "I thought I was doing exactly what I needed and wanted to do, okay?"

"Yeah, but the second any of your friends know about it, you shut down? Own up to it."

"I am."

He shook his head at her confirmation, and she sat back wards.

"You know, I'm sorry—I just.. I didn't mean to."

"You didn't mean to kiss me, unzip my pants, t-" "Don't be so crude!" she interrupted immediately, and watched his face fall into stoicism. Lack of sleep did not look well on Gary Oak, she could see the thread of his patience running thin. Then, he relaxed, and crossed his arms to sit back.

"I knew what I was getting into. I don't deserve to be mad." Gary resigned, closing his eyes to calm himself down.

"Yes you do." Dawn muttered quietly, looking down. She could no longer meet his eyes. "I'm sorry, Gary."

"You should be." Gary responded immediately, and she fought the urge to scowl. "But don't beat yourself up about it, Dawn. I _agreed_ to this arrangement, after all. I was the one who followed you after you left Ecruteak City, even though I didn't have to—and you didn't ask. This was a mutual understanding and agreement. I'm not mad, but I'm worried. So is Harrison."

"You sounded pretty mad. You should be mad. You should-" she argued, and Gary shrugged.

"I am, _a_ little, but I'm also not going to force you into anything. I'm still going to hold up my end of the bargain-but I gotta know, Dawn—what _really_ happened last night? You were hysterical."

Dawn bit down on her lip, staring up at him as a doe would headlights. Part of her wanted to tell him that she was mad at herself—disappointed, _angry_. Full of a slew of mixed emotions she couldn't begin to understand, but most importantly, that she felt guilty. First for Paul, and now Gary. She looked away, and knew the words wouldn't come. Gary stepped off his chair to press forward for information, but as he did, Brock rushed back in.

"It's great news, guys!" Brock ran in and Gary looked to him as if he wanted to throat punch him. "May's on her way here!"

Both eyebrows rose as Brock tried desperately to raise their moods, but it only made Dawn flustered and sick to her stomach. She laid her head down on the table and exhaled angrily. Gary rubbed his hair.

"Perfect timing."

 **XOX**

May wouldn't arrive until the after noon; they still had a whole morning to burn, as Brock put it. Against their will, and in the spirit of wanting to apologize to the two of them, he decided to give them the tour of Goldenrod, with enough nostalgia it could kill them. Shop to shop, school to school, and street to street, they were dragged around for the better part of the morning.

Dawn was dressed and prepared for summer in her black tanktop and pink short-shorts, but Gary behind his black sunglasses, looked prepared for a heat stroke; sleep deprived and wearing jeans and a collared shirt—it should have been criminal for the Johto region to have cold nights and hot days. Dawn and Brock both tried to warn him, but in his soured mood since that morning, he did not listen. Brock wore long shorts and a vacation tee-shirt to match his binoculars and flip flops.

Brock was having the time of his life, but Gary and Dawn had somehow reverted to being ten years old again. Dawn was interested more in how she would win in the contest in her current frame of mind, and how to get out of it as quickly as possible; and Gary tried to take every opportunity he could to flee from the two of them.

Construction had changed the city drastically; large sky scrapers were in place of short, squatty buildings, and the university that Brock was training at was nearly three sizes larger than her last visit—plus, the contest hall that they _barely_ saw in passing was huge. Apparently, Goldenrod was responsible for this quarters grand festival, and they were going all out; Dawn wanted to go so bad, but Brock held her back. Refused to let either of them _work_.

"See, this is where I spend most of my time." Brock lead them onto campus, and gestured to a pokemon center at the center. "There's more than nurse Joy's in there—but..." He twiddled his fingers, and Dawn knew without him saying it that people didn't talk to him much because of his loose tongue. A shame, Brock was a great guy.

"Well, maybe if you'd try to approach a girl without blatantly hitting on her?" Case and point, he was currently containing a gush about a girl approaching the center, and pouted at Dawn.

"But I can't! They need to know how gorgeous they are and my undying love for them."

"...You mean, your undying love for all of them?"

"Yes! It's not impossible to love more than one person, my heart belongs to every girl! It wouldn't be fair for only one person to-" As he rambled onto one of his speeches, Gary eyed Dawn.

"Please tell me you would have never-"

"Don't you even finish that thought." Dawn shuddered, glaring up at Gary. "I picked you because I thought that I could like you."

"But you told me you didn't want a relationship."

"...I...I don't." She muttered quietly, looking very sad once again—and Gary feeling mixed up about it, he interjected Brock's speech.

"You're a pervert."

"W-h-a-t!" Brock gasped. "I am _not_! A pervert is someone that acts on disgusting needs to fulfill them! I simply appreciate how hard ladies try!"

"Okay, you're not a pervert." Gary corrected himself, but he was smirking. "But you come off as one."

The phrase sunk Brock's ship, and he dramatically fell to the ground, and both Dawn and Gary took several steps back to detach from the man who was growing metaphoric mushrooms in his depressed state.

"You went too far, Gary." Dawn scolded him.

"What?" He gasped, accusatory. "He has good ideas, bad delivery."

Dawn rolled her eyes, and crossed her arms. "Then how would you help him?"

Gary adjusted his glasses, and turned with a wave of his hand. "I wouldn't. You can't teach _cool_."

"Right because that was _sooo_ cool!" she shouted at him, though a blush had covered her cheeks and she huffed watching Brock once again. Then, she realized what had happened.

"H-hey! Wait up! Don't leave me here!"

 **XOX**

Dawn almost immediately lost track of the auburn haired man. Gary knew the Johto streets better than she did, mostly because his field work took him all over— _and_ he competed in the actual Silver Conference. He turned, disappeared into a crowd, and Dawn was swept up in it until reaching the downtown district. Lost, and without her friends.

"Darn it!" She whined, looking around, she jumped onto one of the benches on the sidewalk and latched onto a light post to get a better view of her surroundings. She shouldn't have left Brock—he was probably worried about them.

She hopped down, let her head fall backwards onto the back of the bench, and rubbed her face tiredly. The moment she sat forward, piplup emerged from his ball, yawning, and looking around.

"Piplup pip?" The bird asked, climbing up onto the bench next to his trainer and sniffing the air. He could smell the many different kinds of food carts on the side of the street, but Dawn held him in place.

"No, piplup, we're just a little lost!" She whined, and the bird sat back, pouting. How dare she not feed him? "I didn't bring my wallet."

"Piiip lup."

"No we will not steal it!" Dawn growled, throwing her arms up. People looked at her in passing, and muttered under their breath, but she paid them no attention as she slumped down to glare at the bird once more.

"We'll just wait here for the crowd to thin, and follow the signs to the contestant hall. That'll be fun, right? Our own little adventure." Dawn sighed because as she looked over, she saw piplup running to a food stand, and waited behind the server for him to drop some food.

"You act like I starve you!" She shouted, as she grabbed piplup and forced him under her arm and started to walk with his squirming. A part of her wanted to ask her long time companion what he thought about her situation, but the pokemon was still a large child in comparison to the likes of pikachu, who probably had a lot of wise words to say for her current situation; instead, her pokemon-child wiggled until he was tired. Soon after, he reluctantly started to walk beside her when they left the downtown area—now, more interested in their surroundings, he turned every trash pile into fun.

Dawn, however, was caught up in her thoughts. Maybe when May got into town, she could ask for a second opinion, _about everything._ Then again, the last time she checked, May was dealing with demons of her own caliber; maybe if she was better, Dawn would ask—but she needed an answer _now_. Dawn hated waiting!

When she dug out her cellphone, piplup filled her with questions—since he knew right away her distraught. She could put on brave faces in front of Brock and Gary once again, but until she _truly_ fixed this, she would forever be repeating her mistakes.

 _What should I do_ , she wanted to ask someone—anyone, but knew it came with the price of her secrets being put in the spotlight, and the risk of letting the world know what she had done. It wasn't the nature of what she did—but who she did it to. She abandoned Paul, for a chance with Gary that she clearly outlined as beneficial, and nothing more. She didn't even know what she wanted anymore—and she hadn't in months!

She marked Ash off the list immediately—simply because he would punch Gary in the nose and blame Paul. It wasn't their fault she had the emotional control of a pea, plus she knew that Gary and Ash were finally getting along, and didn't want to be the wedge between them. Zoey was out simply because she had a big mouth—half of the Sinnoh region would know in an hour if she relayed any information to her. Next, was unfortunately, Gary's number. Part of her still wanted to explain the full story—but it was no longer fair. She should have done that before taking advantage of him, now, her words might have felt like swords, even if he said he wasn't mad—she knew that he was.

After all, he was still human, and any human would have been pissed.

However, sometimes it was easier to talk to someone she hardly knew at all—and Misty's name glared back at her. Dawn had already asked the woman for help before, under the advice given to her by Gary, and it was Misty's words that gave her the strength to turn Paul away. Only now, Dawn wished she had talked with Paul a little bit—regardless of his behavior _before_ the event...during he seemed so...

Dawn refused to recall anything about that night, otherwise she might break down again. She quickly dialed the number.

"Misty speaking." She answered so quickly, so abrupt, Dawn felt a chill down her spine and a prickle of worry—would Misty judge her?

"H-hey." Dawn sputtered.

"Dawn?" Her voice was so distant, but Dawn thought maybe she was busy with gym duties, her mind occupied.

"Yeah, it's me. How are you?"

Misty didn't respond right away, perhaps she was having a bad day, after all?

"Eh, been better. Yourself?" Her words slurred, and Dawn heard shifting behind the line that made her hair stand on end when she replied.

"Oh...you know, the usual. Guy problems..."

Now she snorted, and giggled, and sounded—well— _drunk_. "Are you alright, Misty?"

"Me? Oh, _I'm great."_ So much sarcasm delivered in one phrase should have been illegal. Dawn held her breath, waiting for an elaboration, but the redhead offered none.

"Did you and Ash get into a fight?"

Again, laughter, and this time, a lot of it. Hinged on what sounded like a strangled, painful sigh, and frantic brushing of her hair.

"So what are your guy problems?" Misty changed the subject quickly, and Dawn knew that she had made a mistake calling anyone—this was her problem _she_ needed to find a solution for it by herself. No one could bail her out of this one.

"Uhh, yeah, you know, I think I solved it." She lied, for Misty's sake.

"Hmmm... You're a terrible liar."

"I am not!" Dawn shrieked immediately. Misty snorted again.

"Whatever it is, just follow your gut, Dawn. You're going to make mistakes, you _should_ make them. Just...don't hurt anyone in the process." _too late_ Dawn wanted to say, but swallowed instead.

"Yeah but-" Dawn started, but stopped immediately upon the flash of purple hair that she would recognize anywhere. Her eyes went wide, staring into the distant crowd as a man teetering well above six foot passed through, scowling but focused.

"-I'll actually call you back." and before Misty could argue, Dawn ended the call and was on her feet, keeping out of eye shot.

She knew that hair anywhere, that annoying scowl _anywhere_. It was Paul. Paul was in Goldenrod City, but last she checked, he was supposed to be competing the Hoenn Region's pokemon league—unless he already beat it? Now that she thought of it, she hadn't kept up with the news.

Heart racing, and a spring in her step, she kept to the shadows, watching as he cruised through crowds of people. Without shoving. Clearly he had a destination she wasn't aware of, more frustrating than that, if her voice wasn't caught at the back of her throat in fear, she would have called out to him—instead, she stalked him around the edge of town, until she realized where they were heading.

Back to the contest hall.

Why would Paul go there?

His face still stoic and unimpressed, he walked along quiet cobblestone paths, through tall trees, and arrived where Dawn and Brock were only an hour ago. Immediately, his progress stopped when the hall came into view, and he stuffed his hands into his pockets. Dawn couldn't see his face, as she was ducked behind a tree a few feet away—but even then, he hadn't noticed her. He _always_ noticed her before, the black bags under his eyes she saw earlier must have been a large indication of unrest.

Dawn thought he gazed at the hall far longer than normal, and finally after swearing at himself, he twisted, and nearly saw her.

Dawn fell into the forest floor, scratching her knees on the fallen branches in her attempt to avoid being spotted—only for her floundering mistake to draw more attention to herself. Crouched behind the bush, she heard Paul's deafening footfalls, and knew that she had lost this game. She would need to explain herself, apologize frantically, all the while still feeling upset at him, excited that he was here, and ready to run away the first moment of contact—however, she was saved.

"What're you doing here?" Gary's voice. She had never been more happy to hear Gary's voice. Paul's foot steps immediately stopped, and Dawn gathered the strength to peer through the cracks in the bush. Gary had his hands in his pockets, not unlike Paul, but wore an expression of confusion, less apprehension.

Paul didn't seem to understand the accusation, but recognized Gary from his connection to Ash. "You're Oak's grandson, aren't you?"  
"I am." Gary responded smoothly, "And you're Paul, if I remember correctly. Last I checked you were competing in the Hoenn region, what brought you here?"

"Why, do you own this city?" Paul snorted, but let the aggression die. "I won the league."

Gary's face twitched—jealousy?

"Great, congratulations." Gary forced a small smile that gave Dawn chills as she gnawed on her finger nails.

"Did you need something else?" Paul asked spitefully, and she thought she saw the temptation to retaliate in Gary's eye, but under his trained guise, he only held his smile.

"No. I was just curious to see you walking on the most known route to a contest hall—you thinking of competing now that you've become a champion?"

Now Paul's face fell, his stoic expression replaced with some rage. "No, I took a wrong turn."

 _Liar_ , Dawn thought, Paul had better instinctive directional skills than a pokemon. Plus, she followed him here, he knew where he was going.

"Really?" Gary smirked, Dawn knew he didn't believe Paul, either. "And...it wasn't because of a blue-haired coordinator?"

Paul scoffed, and rolled his shoulders, broke character and gave the entire emotion away. Dawn covered her mouth to contain her gasp, the possible crawl of a faint blush, and dare she feel it—the elation floating around in her chest.

"Pfft. Why would I want to see her?"

"You tell me." Gary snapped immediately, offering no room of leniency.

"You know, you and your family are-"

"Hey, Gary!" Brock called, "I can't believe you two ditched me! I saw you coming up here, is Daw—oh, hey Paul."

Dawn nearly fell flat onto the ground—Brock, you imbecile! How could it be humanly possible to have as much poor timing as Brock did and still be alive?! Gary, however, did not flinch as much as Paul did.

Brock was Dawn's best friend, at least, one of them, and Paul had clearly done something that would enrage Brock—because he started shuffling forward— _fleeing_ the scene.

"What are you doing here? Did you want to see Dawn complete?" Brock asked innocently, holding two large bags of groceries. He obviously had to worry about feeding May, and would hold nothing back. Paul hesitated once, then twice, and without sparing a reply, he rushed away from the duo, a dark cloud lumbering over his head.

"Jeeze, he's always such a jerk. You would think after this long, he would have opened up a little." Brock grumbled to Gary, who had quirked one eyebrow, then looked directly at Dawn's eyes, who were wide behind the bush.

"Come out, Dawn."

She squeaked, clamped her mouth shut, and didn't move. Brock laughed at Gary's accusation. When she didn't move, he sighed and tried again, finding humor in her shyness.

"I saw you follow Paul in this direction. I _know_ you're hiding over there."

Dawn piped up a second later, face scarlet, chest puffed out, arms at her side, and a twig in her hair.

"You followed me?"

"I called your name and you didn't stop." Gary stuffed his hands coolly into his pocket, and turned away from her with his shoulders high. She didn't help but think he was lying about calling her name.

"I was—I was!" She started, but Brock didn't seem to care.

"She used to do that a lot in Sinnoh, too, because Paul wouldn't acknowledge her. She really hated that."

"Really?" Gary inquired, smirking. Dawn followed after them, the black hole in her chest lessening with each joke they passed at her expense. Brock didn't need the details to know that he needed to fix _something_ to remove the awkward tension that formed around Dawn and Gary.

"Oh, yeah, and she tried to physically fight him, too. It took both Ash and I to restrain her."

"He probably deserved it."

"Oh, and this-"

"Shut up, Brock!" Dawn shrieked, and for a little while, they were just a small group of sort-of friends, laughing at each other.

 **XOX**

Brock was preparing a feast. May was set to arrive any minute, and after they returned from their walk around town, the disdain between Dawn and Gary returned while they both sat on the scarred couch. Every so often, Brock peeked in to make sure that they were keeping their hormones in check, but while Gary flipped through channels and she thumbed through her pokedex, she did not think Brock had anything to worry about.

Eventually, Gary stopped on league battles, this one in particular resembling a match that earned Ash the victory in Kalos region, what was worse though, was how quickly Dawn became uncomfortable with the current battler—this was a rerun of Paul's winning match, and while she wanted to watch it, she felt so terrible doing so with Gary in the room. She felt horrible in general, since she was still convinced she was supposed to dislike everything about Paul Shinji.

Gary waited a few beats before finally turning the television off, and staring at Dawn, who tapped her fingers faster, and more quietly across the surface of her pokedex. His cold eyes never left her.

"We should talk."

"I'm okay." Dawn deflected, surprised when Gary laced his fingers around her upper arm, sending electricity through her entire body.

"I insist." he urged politely, and Dawn forced her gaze to his. Reminding herself that she owed him at least this. A _least_ a little bit.

"Brock, Gary and I are going to grab a strawberry upside down cake—they're May's favorite."

"Wha-" Brock shouted, peering through the kitchen doors to see both of them standing innocently, steps away from each other. He thought about it a few times, then as if settling into some form of quiet acceptance, he nodded. After all, he didn't want another fiasco like last night to occur.

"Alright, pick up icing sugar, too."

"Will do." Dawn laughed, then lead Gary out of the apartment, through the few steps that lead up and around the building, and then quietly out the pass-coded front door, until the sting of summer hit their skin, and they were tromping through the park outside of Brock's house. Dawn sucked in a breath, but Gary beat her to the topic.

"We shouldn't do this anymore."

Dawn felt horror creep down her back, and into her gut at his words. She hid her nose in her scarf, despite the heat. "...Yeah." but it wasn't confident.

"We agreed when we started this—that this was strictly for pleasure. No emotions, no strings attached. Clearly we've both become some-what inebriated in our efforts, and it's just better if we don't." Rather than agree, Dawn said:

"You've had to say this to someone before, haven't you?" Dawn quizzed, stopping to look up at him. He looked overly offended—something she would have to get used to.

"Yeah."

A simple reply, no explanation needed, only _now_ , she truly wondered how many times Gary had been in this kind of relationship, with who, and how he could stand feeling this way about anyone.

"Sorry. I know I was the one who said not to get emotionally attached, too." Her eyes hit the floor, and she stopped walking, her shoulders rising. Gary shrugged.

"Well, _you_ didn't." He responded, and the shock forming in her chest made her knees weak. It was— _had to be—_ the worst confession she ever heard. To diminish her own feelings in favor of his own. How terribly...correct.

She couldn't meet his eyes anymore. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." and his voice seemed vigorous, a little elated. "I'm the king of unrequited feelings. You get used to it after awhile."

"That's not-" She inhaled. "I like you."

"No you don't." Gary shook his head, offering a smile. She hated that he wasn't mad about this, Paul would have been mad! It only reinforced her belief that her feelings for Paul were stupid, and unreasonable and somehow so magnetic. She was stupid!

"Yes, I do!" She argued aloud, glowering at him. He blinked in surprise. "I just—you never let me explain!"

"You don't have to lie, Dawn, it's pretty clear! You're making yourself crazy!" Gary shot without raising his voice, but Dawn was past self-control.

"I don't want you to leave!"

At this point, he was frustrated, pulling on his hair, and looking desperately at her. This was the first time they had _really_ talked about their feelings, or what was becoming of their _friendship_ and it wasn't going too well. He thought when this moment happened, they would say their goodbyes, Gary would be sad for a few days, but they would both move on. Gary _always_ moved on; and there for awhile, Dawn thought she could, too. Hell, he thought Dawn could. She had such a presence around her—if he knew this was going to effect her the way that it has he would have never...

"What do you _want,_ Dawn?"

For once, she had no answer. He asked this before, and she kissed him. That didn't sooth the rage in her chest, the flutter in her stomach, or the white noise in her head. Kissing him didn't clear the fog, but it separated it for a little while. He was her temporary fix, but more importantly, he was her friend, and she had been a bad one.

"...I..." she breathed, wounded. "I...I don't know, but I don't want you to go."

"Spending these last few weeks with you was a lot of fun. I might, I was—I _am-_ upset over Paul—and I acted on impulse but I thought that it would make us feel better...and I just wanted to feel something and it turned into this big mess... But I don't want to lose you, either, Gary. You're my friend, despite what you may think."

Gary blinked a hundred times before exhaling, leaning his head back, and closing the distance between them. He cupped her chin, her face sparked from the touch, trickling a red blush from every finger tip. His eyelids lowered, he parted his lips to say _something_ that fell on deaf ears—after all, her heart pounded so loudly she couldn't hear.

"G-gary." Dawn groaned seconds before his lips touched hers; so oddly soft, and comfortable. How the tables had turned drastically from their first kiss. Her eyes shut naturally, her body alive with every touch from his—and she realized seconds as he pulled away, it was simply...

"Lust." Gary hummed, running his thumb over her bottom lip to brush away the tiniest bit of saliva, and then his heat was gone, leaving her winded.

"Lust?" She whined, blinking.

Gary raised his hand, then cocked his head to one side, he could fake his concern, pretend like he wasn't offended—but he so clearly was. "You have a type."

But before she could argue with him, urge him not to go, he left. Her breath was still caught in her throat when she shouted incoherently at him, and fell to her knees.

 **XOX**

A _type_ , nonsense! Dawn wasn't...she didn't... Gary walked her back to Brock's after that—and they in no uncertain terms agreed to stop their charades. After this meeting with May, Gary promised to return to Ecruteak City, and wouldn't breath a word of this to anyone else, especially not Ash. Dawn agreed reluctantly. They probably needed time apart, and she couldn't selfishly ask him not to go, especially if she could offer him nothing after this hurricane. After May's visit, they would both talk with Brock, and work out the kinks there.

Dawn brooded as she watched Gary from the kitchen, while Brock talked about school, and his internship. He flipped rice balls, formed them carefully, and stuffed them with several different jellies—and Dawn sulked.

Mostly because Gary was literally going to leave. He told her that by the end of the day, he would have found their solution.

Didn't mean she liked it. She was tired of the solution being _run away_ , couldn't they work something out? After all, she hadn't been lying. She wanted a friend. Someone that was understood what she was going through, and would still be there despite the coming changes in their lives. Surely, she was the one that had misstep, Gary tagged along, he was partially to blame—to simply abandon her after so long was... Dawn sighed, and put her head down on the table. No, she couldn't have everything, every one. Gary needed to go, for a little while.

"Wanna talk about it?" Brock finally asked, tearing through her confusion.

"No. Nothing to talk about." She pursed her lips, plucking a few stray rice off the table. "Brock, have you ever been in love?"

"Me?" Brock sat down, flabbergasted, his moment had finally come. "You're asking me if I have ever been in love?"  
Dawn sat up, and nodded very slowly, knowing that Gary wouldn't be listening. "Yes."

"Well, Dawnie, no one has ever asked me that before—but...no, I haven't. I mean, _not really_." he rubbed the back of his neck. "I hate to say this, but if you want relationship advice, I'm the last person you should ask-"

"I don't." Dawn huffed. "Relationship advice, that is. I don't want it. I just..." she fumbled. "Tell me what I'm supposed to do."

Brock had no clue what to tell her, he couldn't tell her that she was wrong. After all, she could make her own decisions, and he wasn't judging her. Worried, yes, judging, never. Brock couldn't tell her to leap, or sit still, or forget about everything—because for once, he didn't know. Dawn's case was personal.

"What do your instincts tell you to do?" She really wished people would stop asking her that, because her instincts were what got her here in the first place!

At that moment, a knock came to the door, and all eyes and ears where in focus.

May had arrived.

 **Author's Note** :

I wrote and rewrote this so much, and you know what? I'm not changing it anymore. XD

This chapter might have felt a little repetitive in some sections, but I wanted to hit the nail on the head that Dawn is confused and under some heavy realization on her part that she's not being honest with herself. Gary isn't mad at her, because after all he knew what he was getting into; it was mutual, at the start. He can't be mad, what he is mad about is her inability to decide. Brock's just trying to be the best big brother he can be.

Something that is important to realize is that Dawn is not the 'heartbroken' but she is the 'heartbreaker' (Which opens a whole different can of coping with her issues ) she had Paul in an area to apologize after making him comfortable enough to do so, and she ran away from him. She denies that she's hung up on relationships, and yet she keeps going back to that. She's also not the kind of person that lingers on her faults, and that seems like all she can do "She doesn't recognize herself" because she isn't being herself. So, for all the people reviewing that they like Paul, I do, too, he just has to work on some stuff (like I said before) And he is far from done in this story.

If you're feeling ikarishipping zapped from these last chapters I'm sorry. Bare with me.

Good luck, see you soon, maybe?  
NINT

 _Update 2 of 4_


	28. Chapter 28: May and Dawn

**Equanimity, Chapter 28**

Stepping back onto the rocky shores of the Hoenn region's boat dock just outside of Petalburg city, the salty air seeped into May's skin. She had promised to give Serena a walk through of the region before leaving for Johto in the week following their arrival, but given May's mindset and newfound determination, Serena let her off the hook early. Together, they stood at the boat dock while May pieced together her luggage. She had a small fanny pack that she wore around her waist—very practical—she argued, and a small satchel over her shoulder.

"Thanks again for—" May stopped, guilty. She half-smiled. "If you need anything-just-"

With a sigh, Serena interrupted with her hands up.

"It's okay, May. I'm sure I'll do fine here! A new adventure, all on my own!" Serena chirped loudly, staring at the boat that would whisk May back into the fold of tournaments and competitions.

While the blonde and blue-eyed girl beside her seemed pleasantly optimistic, May, who had four years of experience over Serena, was feeling less confident.

"You ever feel like you had a good idea, but it blew up in your face?"

Serena's lips drew to a flat line, staring at May's face in response to her rhetorical question. Serena, in the last six months, had a few 'good' ideas blow up in her face. Trying to repeat the Pokemon Showcases that she had been in for a year, only to drop them half-way because she wasn't able to cope with her former-crush and ex-boyfriend being in a mile radius of her at any sort event. Yet, Serena bit her tongue and offered a cute smile for May, whose eyes had not left the dock.

"We all have, May. Just don't let it get you down. You'll pull through."

"I hope so." May muttered, finally tearing her deep blue eyes away to wink at Serena, and toss an over the shoulder hug her way.

"Ya' know, if I come back here, we could travel together?"

"As much fun as that sounds," Serena peeled May's friendly hand off her shoulder and took a step back. "I kind of want to do this alone."

May inhaled, but knew that feeling. Sometimes, to figure out the secrets of life, one had to be all alone.

"Suit yourself." her eyes drifted to the shore, and as the whistle blew, she raised her hand, and started down the path, shouting up at Serena.

"Remember, if you have any questions, you can always call—if you need a place to stay, call my parents! Good luck Serena!"

Without looking back, May crossed the threshold of boardwalk, and entered up the ramp of the large carrier vessel and disappeared into the darkness. Serena waited until the boat moved from the dock before heading back into the city, wishing her short-time friend the best of luck. Though she was also certain that the next time she saw the brunette, it would be for much greater things.

 **XOX**

May was a nervous wreck; anxious and excited—the same way she had felt right before her first pokemon contest.

Funny enough, if someone had asked her what she would be doing shy of eighteen, she would have never said _pokemon contests_. No, May was an entrepreneur of ideas: she wanted to be a researcher, a traveler, a television news anchor—she wanted to be a pokemon ranger, a pilot, and on her best days, she wanted to have her own film squad and camera crew, and travel the world looking for exciting places! What she got instead, was a raven-haired boy with bad luck, and an ensemble of legendary pokemon and nature. May had four amazing rivals: Drew, Harley, Dawn, and Brianna, that she could compete with—share her anger and adrenaline with. She found the sweetest team of pokemon that she never envisioned in her life, and she found passion in a hobby she once made fun of.

 _Why would anyone train pokemon?_

Something that May once rejoiced in humor of, was now the light of her life. May spent the better part of her childhood and teenage years running after pokemon, fighting for pokemon, and enrolling in a million different contests to show them off because she wanted to show the world how amazing they were in beauty and power.

Returning home, to lay in her old bedroom, was the straw that broke the back. For awhile, she struggled to come to the realization of the core of her issues, more so; she was terrified to find that it was nothing.

For so long, she believed that the dreams and aspirations she had as a child fell short. She wanted to travel the world and explore all places—she wanted to believe in herself, and find parts of the world that no one else ever had. Once she started training pokemon, she not only wanted to defeat all of her rivals—but she also wanted to become a great top-coordinator.

However, as the chance of that actually happening drew closer—May got cold feet.

 _What_ would happen when she won? When she finally realized her dream? Before six months ago, May never thought about _what happened next_ , and how it would change her life. When it was just her, Max, and Drew, she never thought more than about the next battle, about the next adventure, let alone about the future—then finally when she saw what it could do.

 _She panicked_.

Seeing Ash, her first and longest traveling companion, and friend, in the cross roads of confusion all because he won the league tournament was like watching herself be skinned alive. Confused at first of the feelings of panic, she thought it was from _the kiss_ shared between Serena and Ash at his final victory, but later, May realized, it was because of what happened next.

May watched Ash, a shell of his former self, talk with his friends, battle with his pokemon, and settle down into a boring life. After his party and the great rescue of their companions from the hands of Team Rocket, she watched him until the end of the road—the moment he returned from the Pallet Town Train station to his house, where he _subtly_ sulked around the house, attempting to entertain Iris and Cilan. The light left his eyes.

For once, May never had purpose outside of her contests. If she wasn't competing, what was she? She was expected to return to Hoenn to conquer the competitions, but then stopped while shaking in her boots. Would she, like Ash, who she was so much alike, be doomed to the same fate?

 _I hate it_. Ash told her about his job as a champion. She laughed, played off his comment and smiled like she had to, but it hurt. He reached the top, and he crashed.

Disappointment, anger, _sadness_ or some terrible blend of all three brought her to stalemate, and pulled her out. She and Ash were a like in many ways, but May was not as easily broken; she couldn't stop in fear of what was next, and she would _never_ run away before achieving her dreams. She had to stop running away. May _had to_ look past her former mentor's behavior to seek out her own place as a trainer, like she should have when they parted ways so many years ago. She, like Ash, ran so fast to her goals, she never thought to consider what happened after—however, unlike Ash. May's story would be different.

 _"You have arrived at Golden Rod City, please be careful while exiting the dock"_ May's eyes gleamed, her face full of vigor and determination at the end of the announcement, and she rose with her eyes on fire.

 **XOX**

Drew hated when she called unsuspectingly.

"Honestly, that girl..." the green haired man muttered while looking at his phone. Her last message read only:

 _"I know you just finished your last contest in Ecruteak City—meet me at Goldenrod Dock at noon._ "

Only, when she sent that to him, it was half past midnight, and he had to take the midnight train to Goldenrod. He had no idea she was _in_ the Johto region, let alone wanting to visit him. Last he recalled, she was in the Kalos region, breaking his heart by going without him—and figuring out what she was doing wrong in her life. Drew had been more than understanding of her many different mood-swings since Ash Ketchum's celebration party, an explanation was all he wanted now.

Drew's mouth went dry at the thought of the brainless Ketchum. Ash had never _really_ done anything wrong, he had been more than supportive of Drew and May, the latter especially. However, it never sat right with him, their relationship. May looked up to him blindly as a support system, and Drew hated that.

Well, he didn't _hate_ it, but Ash rubbed him the wrong way; always doing more damage than good, but since he was the hero type, everyone forgave him for his short-comings without failure. Drew stuffed his hands into his pockets and looked up, waiting for the boat to dock. He wasn't even aware of a boat arriving at noon, and since his travels kept him up all night, he wasn't feeling the most _determined_ either. He craned his neck to one side, and collapsed on the bench next to the dock and yawned; if she was really coming, then she would wake him up, right?

 **XOX**

Four months was long enough time apart. May missed Drew, but she missed the thrill of battle and victory more. Stepping off the platform that extended, she blocked the high sun from her eyes and followed the rest of the passengers as they unloaded. Gabbing travelers bickered about the bumpy ride, they complained about the boat, about the food, and all May could see was a slumped body beside the railing with bright green hair. A grin crossed her lips, and she practically flung people out of her way as she approached the sleeping male.

Even when sleeping, he was graceful, unlike her; she tended to drool all over the pillow and flail her arms everywhere.

She slid in smoothly, wiggling her fingers onto his cheek to give a light pinch.

"Did you miss me?" She whispered, to find that he didn't wake. She sat back, lips pursed and eyes narrowed. She poked his rib cage harder.

"Drew. Wake up." May whined insistently, poking him three more times, only, he still did not budge.

"C'mon, we don't have all day!" She finally half-shouted, drawing some attention to their location—and still, he didn't move. With a huff, she threw up her arms and stood up to circle around the back of the bench; clearly missing his smirk.

"I will leave you here, sleepy."

"I never leave you when you fall asleep on park benches." he tossed right back at her, though the gasp that left her voice he wasn't expecting.

Arms flung around his neck in seconds, choking him with her grip and curling her fingers into his back.

"Oh, Drew. It's so good to see you!" he fought the urge to roll his eyes at her shrill, excited voice upon recognition that he was awake. Instead, a smile curled over his lips and he squeezed her back affectionately. They stayed that way for awhile, until their hug turned into a competition of squeezing one another—a contest _May_ always won.

"Alright, uncle, uncle." Drew fought to breath as he released her and they separated. Her broad smile robbed him of the breath that he had left, and he turned away from her awkwardly. Only a few months away from each other, and it felt like they hadn't seen one another in years.

"So~" She sung, approaching him and nudging his shoulder. "Did you miss me?"

He thought to deny it, thought to retort sarcastically—but then finally settled with a turn of his head, and a dip that pressed a kiss gently against her lips. With his hands stuffed into his pockets, he was leaned over her for only a few seconds before stepping away with a smirk of his own at her beet-red face.

"Not in public, Drew!" May stuttered, shoving him on the shoulder, though he only found laughter in her response.

"Of course I missed you." He finally responded, though she had already brushed past him, face bright red as they marched in harmony to their destination.

After a bit of a walk, and catching up with one another about current life events, most involving May's unapologetic amount of time spent watching cheesy romance movies while curled up in a ball under her covers, and Drew admitting to staring in a fitness work-out video. Within the first hour, they were back into the groove of their usual companionship. Having adjusted to each other once more, they decided to have a quick lunch, and pick up the rest of the pieces.

"So are you back to stay, or are you back temporarily?" Drew asked while May scarfed down a number of different food choices.

"Hopefully to stay, but I gotta go back to Hoenn to finish competing there."

"You're going to compete again?" He shouldn't have sounded as surprised as he was, but he was terrible at masking it. May shrugged in response.

"Yes! Of course." She exclaimed with food on her cheeks. "I have to become a top-coordinator!"

Happy as he was, he started to fidget. "That's...that's great, you know. I'm always supportive of you but—err-where did this come from?"

"Oh, you know. It's like I said, I went home, sulked for a number of days, caught up with all my old school friends, ate through the house once, told my parents about us, relaxed with my pokemon, flew to Kalos, saw Max get wrecked in a tournament and experienced how miserable the rest of the world is."

His eyes shifted as she continued to eat. Drew pulled on his collar. "...O-okay?"

"I don't want to be miserable." She set her fork down beside her napkin, and inhaled before speaking.

"Ash finally won, you know? And he fell on his face. Of everyone, Ash was the only one who succeeded—and success hasn't been friendly. It spooked me. We both got into relationships at the same time, and I don't know if you know this, but Ash and I are a lot alike, and I know I don't always think about the future but there for awhile...I guess I froze. Wanted to do something else just because I was scared that what I've been working on the last eight years isn't what I really want."

Drew's sardonic face fell, replaced with sympathy and understanding. His eyelids lowered and he nodded to May, who followed by exhaling the breath she was holding.

"But when I was in Kalos...I finally realized... I realized _so what_? If being a top-coordinator isn't what I want, then who says I have to stop there? I could become a pokemon battler—or a judge, or even an Elite Four member—the first top-coordinator elite four member. Just because it didn't work for Ash, doesn't meant it won't for me."

May sat back quietly after her rant.

"...Who's to say obtaining your dream is the last step?"

"I agree." Drew confirmed confidently. May blinked away moisture from her eyes and gazed at him.

"If you get to be a top-coordinator and hate it, do something else. You've always wanted to travel the world, take a break and go see it. You don't have to be a trainer to train pokemon; you don't have to be a coordinator to understand their beauty, either. But you shouldn't stop because you're scared of what is next. May, you're more than just a coordinator—you're amazing."

A pause followed as they shared a look that brought a blush to Drew's face, nervously looking away from her bright eyes. In the midst of his response, his hand found hers on the table, but separated once they made eye contact.

"Thank you, Drew." she mouthed quietly, a huge smile across her face. In response, his heart pounded against his rib cage, and he cleared his throat.

"So it's great that you've finally... _realized,_ I guess—but why are where here in Goldenrod?"

"Because there's one more person I have to beat."

Drew looked down at his mug of coffee, realizing right away that the _other person_ was the same person he yelled at only a few weeks ago to get her act together: Dawn Matthews. He saw his reflection in his cup, thinking of the awkward confrontation they would experience because of his temperament until he heard May start in on her fourth plate.

"Wait, you told your parents about us?" Panic flooded his voice as May shoved half a pancake into her mouth, blatantly ignoring his question.

 **XOX**

Dawn checked her problems at the door the very moment she saw May. It was easy, a trait she developed years ago. Work and personal lives were separate—and today, her work life was smiling at May in the most affectionate way possible. Drew, who stood beside her looked almost sick, strange for the usually pristine coordinator.

"Dawn! It's great to see you." May hugged Dawn, walking in without an invitation to greet Brock and Gary. Drew lingered at the door and Dawn made awkward eye contact with him.

"Don't mind Drew—he doesn't handle parental pressure well."

"Yes! He gets to meet the parents!" Brock cheered from the back of the kitchen, throwing up his arms. Apparently, everyone but Drew seemed fairly excited about it.

"Have you met her parents?" Drew asked. "I saw them once when we were traveling together and it was bad then. How do you think Norman will react now that I'm _officially_ dating his daughter? I'm a dead man! A dead man walking!"

"That's a little dramatic, don't you think?" Dawn whispered to May who shook her head.

"Nope, my dad will probably give him a run for his money." She laughed _so_ innocently as she took a seat on Brock's living room chair, perpendicular to Gary, who had only taken his nose out of his book long enough to wave at them.

"So, the group's all here." May put her hands together, but noticed the abnormality immediately.

"Oh, hi, Gary. I didn't know you were in town." She pointed to Brock who shook his head, and like clockwork, the tension was back, and suffocating more than ever.

Gary's dark eyes slivered slowly from the pages of his book, to the ground, then to May, without an ounce of care.

"Been following up on a lead." He spoke clearly, as the young Oak always did.

Without further question, May moved onto her next topic while Gary shot Dawn a look of disdain and slight disappointment that she shrugged off apologetically.

"I've watched a lot of your matches, Dawn—especially on my way back from Kalos. You've gotten really good!"

Dawn blushed, and rubbed the back of her neck. "You think so? I have been practicing my routines a lot more... It's not really a big deal."

"Don't be so modest." May said smoothly. "You've had perfect scores during your last four contests. You seem really focused. The other contestants must be getting scared."

"Yeah, well, when you battle against a lot of teenagers, it does get a bit easier."

"So do you think the competition is just getting weaker?"

"Wha—No, I just mean..."

"You're getting better?"

"Well, of course, I've been working at this for over seven years now." Dawn pouted while crossing her arms over her chest. It felt more like May was giving her the third degree, less of a compliment.

"I guess that's true... And you've had a ton of experience from modeling and shows..." May's eyes drifted as she trailed off, pursing her lips and looking out the window—by this point, an already flustered Dawn finally put her foot down.

"Yes, I'm working hard—but why are you being so weird May?"

"Well—I thought it would be obvious." With a nervous laugh, May scratched the back of her neck and Drew cleared his throat. "I want to battle you."

"Battle? Well, why didn't you just say that?"

"Because I want it to be a simple battle—no flares or contest rules."

Dawn scowled a bit more. "Why? Are you still unsure about contests?"

"No. I plan on finishing my run in the Hoenn Region—I just want to beat you first."

At this point, Dawn was frowning as May looked on with a look of tranquility. Naturally, Dawn wanted to ask why it mattered so much—but she already knew what this was partially about.

May had never beaten Dawn in a match—no matter how many times they bumped into one another on the road; Dawn took winning a match to her core, she made it a point to battle all of Ash's old friends and rivals, and be sure that she came out on top. Their time apart hadn't changed that. May and Dawn battled frequently in the same circuit—and every time the result was the same. Dawn would win, either by beating May directly, or defeating the person that beat May. So May was here to quell some fires. Dawn could most certainly help her with that.

Instead of voicing her questions, Dawn's eyebrows twitched.

"Fine. It'll be nice to focus on a good battle without all the added stress for once."

"Ditto." May grinned, and stretched out her hand to shake Dawn's.

"Then shall we get right into it?"

Brock stammered in the back, his hands twitching. "But...but what about lunch? I already prepared-"

"Lunch!?" May squealed. "I'm starving!"

"You just ate!" Drew yelped, the color returning to his face as he tried to hold May back from the kitchen.

 **XOX**

Piplup dodged right, sliding into the mud as Blaziken's kick collided with the dirt, spraying a sandstorm upward, filling the area with smoke.

From within the storm, Dawn's voice pierced the air.

"Piplup, quickly use bubble!"

From beyond the dirt wall, heading directly for the center of the arena, a spray of violent bubbles blasted forward, narrowly missing blaziken, who twisted as the smoke cleared.

"Good job, Piplup—now use headbutt!"

Surprised, blaziken tried to find his footing, but with little time to react, the small penguin's head found his exposed side, and knocked him sideways into a roll. Piplup stood tall, and May's grin disappeared as she recalculated their stance.

May had to win this, she just needed to figure out how. Dawn was a defensive battler, May was far more aggressive; it reflected in their lives as well as their techniques, and currently had them on par.

That was one ideal May could always adore about Dawn; even when she was cracking at the seems in her personal life, her professional life, battling, was spotless. May's professional and personal life tended to bleed together like an open wound, if one was in chaos, so was the rest. Everytime blaziken stood up, he revered this way of life created by May.

Passion.

May was knee-deep into her battling technique, whereas Dawn was prepared and conditioned. Dawn spent hours practicing, and May, who could focus when it counted the most, typically did whatever felt right at the time; even if that meant changing last minute plans. May was a free thinker, driven by her optimism and personality. Dawn envied that sometimes.

Now, standing opposite of one another on the battle field for the first time in years, adrenaline coursed through their veins. Their grins matched one another. To think that two souls, so inherently different could share the same goal was marvelous.

This was the deciding match. Would it be passion or persuasion? Neither woman was willing to back down, even as the smoke cleared.

"Shake it off blaziken—use flamethrower!"

"I don't think so, May—piplup, use watergun!"

As she commanded, piplup was already mid-release of the the torrent of water when May threw up her hand—as if she expected Dawn to respond with direct confrontation.

"Break away from your flame and use flare blitz!"

As the large fire fighting pokemon twisted away from his blast, piplup's water gun raced forward, splattering on the ground beside him as fire swirled around the dangerous pokemon—moving in for a severe checkmate.

"Piplup, no!" shouted Dawn, leaning forward—her mind hadn't connected to her mouth to send out a proper defense facing the devastating attack. Piplup,too, looked petrified, scared in place as the fire raced forward. May's ultimate attack—usually a strict win in most cases—she thought today was no different, as the grin returned to her face.

Finally, a victory against Dawn Matthews; she would remember this day forever!

As the last second clocked in, she could taste victory, but piplup had other ideas. The small, blue pokemon sprang forward, rushing blaziken suddenly enough, that they crossed paths mid-step, and piplup ran past the charging pokemon. He broke formation, tore through the defensive line, and sent blaziken soaring by.

May's face fell instantly, as did Dawn's, who shook her head as piplup turned with a slide, and shot another bubble, striking blaziken from behind, and rocketing him forward in the dust of his own self-harming attack.

At the sidelines, Brock, Gary, and Drew, who attended the match stood abruptly as the large bird lay collapsed on the ground, steaming. Dawn's eyes were as wide as saucers, but not as large as May's.

"Piiiiplup pip!" The bird squawked, rushing to check on blaziken in the stupor following the battle.

"May!" Drew called out from the bench, running for blaziken himself when she finally looked up, meeting Dawn's void expression—she was as shocked as May was.

"It's okay." May announced, watching as a dizzy-eyed blaziken sat up, scratching the back of his head and chuckling awkwardly at piplup who sighed in relief. Red light engulfed him a second later as May held his ball.

"You did great, but get some rest before we take you to the pokemon center." Then she tucked the ball into the pouch, and sniffed the air before she was strong enough to look back at Dawn—who had cut the distance between them instantly, and threw the brunette into a hug.

"I didn't think I was going to win.." She sobbed startling May whose arms flailed. "Thank you, May."

Without understanding why she was crying, May felt tears sting her eyes as well—always the sympathetic crier, she returned the hug with a squeeze and pressed her face into Dawn's shoulder.

"I'm so sorry." Though she wasn't entirely sure what she was sorry for.

 **XOX**

May and Dawn sat across from each other on Brock's bed. May opted to spend the night after the battle, and the rest of the day was no less draining. Their friends thought they would not be talking—that they would be angry with one another because of Dawn's victory, but May didn't seem surprised, nor devastated by the loss. In fact, she seemed happy and more determined than ever. May might have started her journey long before Dawn, but they were still miles apart.

As the boys camped together once again in the living room, May plucked at the bed sheet, looking sore and tired; and a bit embarrassed.

"I honestly had no idea you were going through so much."

"Yeah, me either. I really just... you know."

"I don't know." May laughed dryly. "I've never slept with someone to feel better about myself."

The vicious look that ran across Dawn's face was heartbreaking, and May held up her hands.

"I'm so sorry—I didn't mean it like that! It's just—you and Paul were... and then you and Gary are—were... It's all just really complicated."

"I know it is." Dawn sighed, knowing she had no right to be insulted by anything May said. Mostly because it was all true; Dawn had been selfish, trying to bury the ache of leaving Paul behind, only to hate herself for it.

"It's just... a part of me felt like I deserved better than Paul—I don't want to be with someone I have to drag around with me everywhere. Force them to participate, to have fun, you know? Then Gary was there—helpful, honest, sometimes painfully so, and participating in the world. I...guess I did want to feel better about myself."

"Did it help?"

Dawn smirked slightly. "For a minute. Gary's a really good guy—which is why I hate myself a little."

May's face crinkled, then she laughed. "You don't like Gary?"  
"I...I don't think I do—I mean, not like I like Paul." She looked away bitterly. "Not like Ash likes Misty."

May inhaled. Then swat Dawn over the head. The latter grabbed her head, tears in her eyes.

"What was that for?!"

"You can't always compare your life to theirs—I mean, they aren't perfect by any means."

"Then what about you and Drew?"

May sighed. "You don't get it, do you? We're all different—I mean, I know we seem a lot alike, but we're not. You're gonna find someone someday, and if you don't, who says you need a guy anyways?"

Dawn snickered. "Yeah... I suppose so."

"There's no reason to settle because you had feelings for Paul—sometimes infatuation isn't enough to keep a relationship together and if Paul really makes you feel inadequate then you can't blame yourself for not giving it a chance. He needs to grow—and, even though people say you shouldn't change for someone—he _does_ if he wants you."

"That's not fair..."

"Maybe you realized you weren't being fair to him then?"

"I doubt that. I was being selfish. I'm a selfish human being." Dawn threw herself backwards, while May looked at her nails, and pulled on a loose thread.

"I don't think you're selfish—I think you were confused. What you shouldn't do is ruin your friendship with Gary over this. I think if you explain yourself clearly, he would understand... I mean, maybe. I don't really know him that well."

Watching Piplup during that battle—something so small as reacting without planning shook Dawn. When did she forget that not everything needed to be planned out? Become so obsessed with an idea, it demolished her own character. Gnawing on her lip, she tried desperately to remember the last time she felt like herself, like Dawn Matthews, and it hadn't been since Ash's celebration party. Even then, she planned and prepared her actions.

She always knew what came next, or she froze.

Inhaling, Dawn's brows knit together, and she sat back up. "Thanks for listening, May."

"No problem! I knew there was a reason I had to battle you."

Dawn looked a bit flabbergasted, a sore subject, considering May came to defeat her and failed. Then, she turned at the small pokemon, sleeping on the pillow beside them. Piplup was exhausted after their match.

"If he can push forward, why can't I?"  
"I think reacting in battle and life are a little different, Dawn." May chuckled, and Dawn grinned.

"Maybe not so much! Maybe life is supposed to be simple, and we tend to complicate things."

At that, May slipped off the bed, and brushed her hair over her shoulders.

"Well if that's the case, I'm going to go complicate things for the boys by stealing all the snacks—you wanna come?"

"Didn't you just eat?"

"Yeah, so?" May asked, and Dawn couldn't help but smile.

"I'm glad to see that you have your appetite back—but I think I'll stay here, I'm pretty tired."

"Alright, suit yourself." May tossed a wave over her shoulder, and exited, leaving the door cracked so that Dawn could hear.

She sat on the bed for a moment, listening intently to the four of them—laughing as soon as May entered the room, demanding more cake-pops and popcorn. Brock loudly complained about the fact that May was going to eat through his rations for the month, and Drew complained about sharing his bowl; all the while Gary maneuvered his escape to use the washroom.

Dawn sat quietly, hands folded over her lap, and she waited. His foot steps were light, he was like a mouse walking around in a castle disguised as some elegant creature, chuckling under his breath as he walked by Brock's bedroom, where Dawn sat.

"Gary-" She called to him, covering her mouth immediately as she did. He stopped, and pressed a few fingers against the door to peek in; the smile gone.

"Yeah?"

A few moments passed, impatiently waiting when Dawn rubbed her neck and stared up at him. "...Can we talk?"

Gary looked over his shoulder, probably listening for Brock, in case the man decided to rush back in to give them a hard time. Acknowledging that Brock was too occupied keeping May out of his refrigerator, Gary stepped into the ill-lit room, but left the door open to subdue any actions between the two of them. Not that there would be any. They were finished; he was more than clear about that, and Dawn was never going down that path again.

"What did we need to talk about?" He asked plainly, staying the room length away from her.

"Us?"

"There really isn't an _us_ to talk about." his comment so abrupt, Dawn felt it punch her chest; she tried not to laugh at the irony.

"No, I guess not," She shifted uncomfortably. "Look, I know you have every right to be mad, and-"

Gary put up his hand, cutting her off and Dawn blew hair out of her face.

"Let me finish-" she argued uselessly, because Gary crossed his arms and shook his head.

"I have nothing to be mad about." He announced, "And you clearly have the wrong idea about me. I'm not upset that something didn't _happen_ between us. I'm not a big fan of fairy tales, and to be honest, we're not that compatible. We hardly know each other."

Gary paused, looking over his shoulder, ensuring their privacy—after all, he had some macho-man persona to uphold. "We agreed to have casual sex so long as it was consensual, and if it's not; then it doesn't happen."

"But it's not just about that-"

"Then it's about the way you look at Paul? Talk about Paul? Dawn—don't explain yourself."

"But I have to because-"

Factually, he added: "because you used me."

Looking hurt, her shoulders fell and her lips twitched; having it said out loud made her feel physically ill and she looked down shamefully. Around and around they went again, when was the hammering guilt supposed to stop?

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be." clearly uncomfortable when girls cried, he took a few steps closer, hoping that would comfort her. "I don't care that..." He sighed awkwardly, brushing his fingers through his hair. "You know giving advice about situations is a lot easier than handling them yourself." he announced and Dawn looked up at him again.

She didn't need to say it—since yesterday morning, Gary was acting strange and distant—cold. Not unlike the stories Ash would mock him with, before telling her and Brock that he was kidding, and that Gary was _really a good guy_.

Gary sat in front of her, and took her hands softly, and a part of her wondered why she couldn't _feel_ that way for Gary. Sure, he had a bad reputation, but he was always nice to her—despite his narcissist persona; he was genuinely a good guy. Maybe she could, maybe she didn't try hard enough maybe-

"I like you, Dawn; but I'm not sure it's in that 'let's spend the rest of our lives together' way, and honestly, I'm not looking for something serious. I'm only eighteen. I don't want to be like Ash, trying to make a relationship work while my life is falling apart." His nose crinkled and Dawn's face flushed. "I want to be settled, and you know, old—maybe balding before I'm ready to take the plunge."

At that, Dawn smiled.

"I know you're just trying to make me feel better."

"I'm not, but I wasn't kidding about yesterday. Hormones are tricky obstacles to maneuver...sometimes we get stuck in them, make them out to be something that they're not. Can you honestly say that we're close without the physical contact?"

She smiled sadly, her shoulders drooped. "A little. I'd like to get to know you better—as a friend...maybe."

They paused, and Gary put her hands together, and then pat them.

"Wow... outside of Ash I'm not sure I've ever had one of those." his voice oozed that narcissistic, sarcastic tone she had come to recognize, but she smiled all the same.

"I simply think that we had a good thing going; you and I. You could look for that legendary pokemon, and I can participate in my contests! That way, we don't have to be alone in this winding road of confusing lust and hormones!"

Gary jerked backwards, eyes slightly narrowed, questioning her behavior. She kept her eyes on the bed sheet, to assure that he couldn't see the welling of tears in her eyes when she started to speak again.

"I'm sorry for being a jerk, whether you think I have a reason to be or not."

For the first time, Gary seemed all-too sincere when he frowned at her, then pat her head. "I didn't want to hurt you."

He retracted his hand, that statement saying so much about himself. He wasn't mad or judgmental, because it more ways than one, he was probably behaving the same way that she was from the very start.

Gary cleared his throat. "and f I knew you were so confused I would have never touched you."

"But I wanted you to."

It was flattering, really, but when he shook his head with that endearing smile, it wasn't because he was awestruck, but because he was astonished.

"I don't usually like telling people that they don't know what they want, but I'm pretty comfortable telling you that."

Dawn breathed, and glared at him.

"I know what I want."

"Do you?" Gary's brows rose.

"...yeah."

He looked over his shoulder again, crossing his arms. "Then what do you want, Dawn?"

For a long time, she paused, glanced at Piplup, at him, her hands, and then she closed her eyes.

"I want to be standing in the middle of the grand festival with a trophy the size of my head in my hands."

Gary smirked, a small snicker at the back of his throat as she continued,

"I want to conquer all five region's contest halls, and when I'm done, I want to open a school for coordinators. I want to be a judge on the National Pokemon Network, and create contests from the ground up."

"and I want... for me..." she swallowed, thinking hard for a very long time. "...I have no idea, but I'm okay with that."

It was the answer Gary was expecting, because he nodded very solemn, and hugged her when she fell forward holding her face after her shoulders spasm.

"I don't know what I want." she moaned into his shirt and he pat her shoulders, wondering how he always found himself in this place. Holding a crying female; even the ones that weren't supposed to cry always cried around him it seemed. Gary sighed quietly.

"Not knowing is the scariest part of growing up sometimes."

"But how can I not know? I thought I did—I honestly thought I had it all figured out..." And the tears started again.

Paranoid, Gary looked back over his shoulder, trying to listen for the rest of the group so he wouldn't get caught like this. The last issue he needed was to be caught with a crying Dawn—knowing most people, they would think he caused it! Inadvertently, maybe so, but not intentionally.

Gary never wanted this to happen.

"Dawn..." he pushed her forward, staring down her face. Forcing her to look at him. "Stop it."

She sniffled, shocked as she wiped her face. "W-what?"  
"I said stop it." His face screwed up, and he exhaled.

"I don't know a lot about rebounding, because I've never been fortunate enough to end up with someone I cared about long enough to rebound—but what you did with me shouldn't mar who you are. You didn't use me, it was consensual and I knew what I was agreeing to—don't hate yourself for it. You own your own femininity and don't let anyone take that away from you. Not me, or Brock, or Paul. Especially not Paul, that guy just rubs me the wrong way."

She laughed through her tears at the last comment and tried to smile.

"Thank you, Gary..."

"Don't mention it...really, don't. Between you and Misty, I think I'm starting to lose cool points."

At that, Dawn burst into a belly full of laughter and finally wiped away her years while his thumb rubbed comforting, friendly circles on her arm.

She didn't know where her personal life was going, and it was the fear of the unknown that terrified her. Dawn could live with that, couldn't she?

 **XOX**

May wanted to leave at the crack of dawn, and by that; she meant noon because it took three men and Dawn to wake her up the next day, some of them even gave up half way through in hope that she would wake herself—when the last boat leaving for Hoenn was setting sail at 1:00pm, Drew fell to desperate measures.

He grabbed her by the ankles, and started to drag her.

"I just want five more minutes!" May screamed, most likely waking up all of Brock's neighbors. Apparently a feat he accepted, because he sipped his coffee and read his newspaper as if this was an everyday occurrence.

"You can have your five more minutes on the boat, May, now let go of the sofa!"

Clutched in her hands was the sofa, between her legs was the twisted blanket she had been covered up with, and fighting Drew every step up the way was her perfected fetal position.

Dawn watched with some amusement from the kitchen, her hair brushed and combed, neatly tied into a ponytail. It was hard to believe this toddler throwing a fit was the same May full of wisdom and understanding a few minutes ago—maybe it was May's vibrate characteristic pallet that truly made her a person to be envied.

"At what point should we intervene?" Dawn asked, a crooked smile on her lips. Gary was sharing the paper with Brock, swapping stories as they finished.

"When she starts hitting him, probably." Gary suggested, biting off a piece of his bagel and scrunching his nose at one of the articles he read through.

Dawn blinked to both males, and tilted her head, more specifically at Gary. "Shouldn't you be packed, too?"

This time, Gary looked over his newspaper, to watch Dawn. He blinked innocently. "Packed for what?"

Dawn looked around the kitchen. "Well... aren't you leaving, too?"

Gary looked at Brock, having passed an unknown bro-code she could never decode and he shrugged. "Not until after your match, I thought? Weren't we going to Olivine City next?"

She couldn't help herself, she grinned eagerly at the two of them, pouncing from her seat to hug them both, forgetting to listen in when May started to scream random noises to prevent Drew from dragging her outside in her pajamas.

"I'm glad I have such good friends."

"Ah, yeah—but Brock made a five-second touching rule so..." Gary nudged himself away from Dawn, using the backside of the newspaper while Brock held up his fingers in an 'very good' sign and nodded his approval.

Dawn took Gary's seat, watching him shamble away in a very uncool way, and often wondered how such a gawky boy was ever considered the coolest person on earth. He and Ash were friends for a reason, she was sure. Dawn smiled at Brock.

"I'm sorry about the couch thing."

"I'm sorry for getting so upset. You could do much worse than Gary."

Dawn narrowed her eyes, listening to a lamp break. Brock still did not flinch. Gary, however, gave Brock a very distasteful look and blinked several times in a second.

"We aren't dating."

"I know."

"We don't even really like each other."

Brock nodded again. "I know."

Dawn shrugged her shoulders a little. "...Does that mean you're disappointed?"

Brock inhaled, and turned quietly at Dawn, finally putting his paper down, and offering that warm, older-brother smile he radiated.

"Stunned, a little worried about my couch—but never disappointed." he fixed a stray hair from her hair and smiled warmly. "You're too cool to be disappointed, and I know you were confused... only next time, let's try to talk about our emotional problems instead of jumping into bed with people, okay Dawn?"

At first, she was fooled by his forgiving nature, but by the time his speech wrapped, his sarcastic nature unraveled and Dawn pursed her lips unhappily.

"It wasn't just _anyone._ If I was going to have sex again, it might as well have been with the _best_ , right? You _did_ say he had his share of experience."

At that, Gary and Dawn high-fived, turning the tide on Brock who twitched in discomfort.

"Don't make light of it! What you did was dirty."

"Actually, humans have been doing it longer than most known medical practices." Gary threw in, watching as Brock flinched again.

"And it's every person's personal right to do as they please with their body, so long as both parties are completely consensual." Dawn added, low-fiving Gary again.

"No it is not! It's about love and dedication! You only sleep with people you _love_."

Gary crossed his arms, prepared to retaliate once again, when May finally flew past the kitchen, clutching her pillow and blanket with Drew in tow, shouting at her, and leaving the rest of them laughing.

Being terrified of the unknown may have been one part of growing up, but owning past mistakes and using them as personal strengths to grow was more important.

 **XOX**

By the time they were saying their goodbyes to May and Drew, Dawn's contest was just around the corner, and they had no time for games. Dawn and May shared a very quick hug, and Drew waved a hand in exhaustion.

"She's going to wear him out... arcues I hope they don't have kids." Brock said nonchalant while Gary shook his head and walked away; knowing May as one person he could never handle.

"I swear if I had a sister, she would act just like that."

Dawn chuckled at their conversation, comfortable and _truly_ content for the first time in months as she ventured off to her next destination with her friends beside her. She had a lot to be thankful for; a lot to be grateful that she didn't ruin, and the confidence to know that it was all going to be okay. One step at a time.

During that time, piplup, who was celebrating his victory over May by hanging outside of his ball, perked up at the sight of a familiar person from the corner of his eye. Below the railing they crossed over, Paul stood at the center of the road, hands in his pockets, and looking up soulfully at Dawn. At first, she didn't notice until piplup tugged on her hair, and drew her attention to the man below.

Faintly, she smiled, offered a half-baked wave that he returned with the same lack of enthusiasm, and felt a portion of her guilt, no matter how small, lift.

She wasn't prepared to apologize to him yet, but someday, _maybe_ she could share her own enlightenment with him.

 **Author's Note** :

I really tried to show how Dawn and May were different; and since their characters are a lot a like in the canon anime, it took quite a bit of rewriting until I was comfortable with them. If I had to put it in simple words, Dawn is more realistic, and May is more optimistic. That's really the biggest difference I could think of; that, and their origin, I tried to build on that, and pull the two characters apart into their own abilities, and in the end, I think May is more like Ash, and Dawn is more like Misty.

-deletes the 1400 word explanation of this chapter- There's. so. Much. Especially in terms of why Dawn's roller coaster ended here. However, with her internal struggle portion mostly wrapped up; I'm off to new and exciting things; like Paul, and Misty's parents. -flies away-

If some of this sounds choppy and a little all-over the place, it's because I wrote this pretty well at different times. Most of it was written early summer, then the remaining in fall—the end just now. I have no idea what it sounds like continuity wise, because if I have to edit this chapter one more time, I'm going to throw it, and the rest of this story into the garbage.

Sorry for the long wait; I'll hopefully see you guys soon.

NINT


	29. Chapter 29: Paul

**Equanimity, Chapter 29**

Whenever he saw her smile, it made his chest hurt.

Whenever he saw her with Gary, it made him furious.

Whenever he saw her, he hated himself.

Emotions were...hard even though Paul always believed himself to be smart, at least, smarter than Ash. To be so emotionally stunted was an absolute surprise. _She looked beautiful without ever trying._

Now why couldn't he say that to her instead? It was his fault, he was the one that freaked the poor girl out.

Muttering _I love you_ to someone he barely knew. Was he crazy?

Yet, part of him knew that he didn't barely know Dawn, they had known each other for years—but for at least three quarters of it, he was a stoic asshole, and she followed him around aimlessly, because she wanted to get to know him better. She put up with all his mood swings, his complaints, his inadequacies as a trainer, his growing affection for his pokemon, and his inability to open up. Over all, she had been a wonderful friend over the years—someone he _maybe_ admired.

 _Loved_ though? Was he crazy?!

Paul kicked a trash can, making a young child in the park beside it begin to cry, causing a multitude of angry glares from the parents. He raised his hand thoughtlessly and slipped away with a _sorry._

That talk with Gary yesterday only made him more furious than ever. Acting so cool and snide—like he knew Dawn better than Paul did! He wondered if Gary knew that Dawn liked to go for a walk first thing in the morning, or liked to make home-made snacks for her pokemon instead of store-bought ones. He wondered if Gary knew that when Dawn got really excited her nose would crinkle—or when she got really happy her voice would crack like a pubescent boy. Or that she prepared silly cheers for every match her friends participated in—urging them to win.

 _God, he missed having her around._ But he would never _willingly_ admit that, would he?

Paul rubbed his face, trying to ward the tiredness from his eyes. How could he be here, in Goldenrod City!? He wasn't some kind of stalker—he should have been in the Hoenn region, celebrating his victory as champion there—only, his victory was hardly advertised, because unlike Ash Ketchum, Paul had the emotional spectrum of a potato. Typically, he wasn't trying to impress anyone, or win any popularity contests, but they didn't even interview him after the match. They interviewed the guy that he beat.

See, this was the reason Paul didn't like relationships, they clouded his mind and his judgment. He obtained one of his greatest feats, and instead of being happy about it; he felt more isolated than ever. Which is where the problem began—Paul genuinely enjoyed being alone. People's opinions of him, or preferences didn't mean anything. He liked that people avoided him—but for once, maybe he _sort of_ wanted some attention.

Not for his battling for once—but just for Dawn to talk to him.

He would be damned if he tried to start that conversation though. Maybe they would bump into one another and she would explain what happened.

Not that he needed an explanation! It wasn't like he really felt anything—nothing at all! He was perfectly comfortable by himself!

Yet...her sudden change in persona could only be described as an immediate result of those three words he _accidentally_ allowed to slip after they finished... _doing whatever it was that they did!_

Paul stopped mid-stride to brush his hair out of his face, and collect his thoughts.

He had no reason to be upset, after all, he _partially_ started this—yelling at her for talking about relationships. For pestering him about his rival and his girlfriend, for constantly comparing herself to them, and talking nonstop about the party. Then she would switch into talking about contests, about what she wanted for the future—then she would pester and annoy him until...

Paul put his head down, standing below a bridge at the center of town, and then as his eyes lifted. He saw Dawn there; for a few moments he wondered if he was hallucinating, but she and piplup, and her two friends walked on.

For a second, he wanted her to wave—to acknowledge and greet him; but instead, she smiled and then walked away. Maybe he thought she waved. But to him, it looked more like she brushed her hair out of her face.

He waved awkwardly regardless. She was a nuisance that he missed.

This whole half a year was a mistake, a complete accident. If it wasn't because he had to travel though Pallet Town to get to the Hoenn Region, he would have never stopped in at Ash's celebration party. He wouldn't have seen Dawn—and he wouldn't have been kidnapped by Team Rocket.

The whole group of them made him weak and second-guess himself. Paul knew that relationships turned trainers into walking goo. It happened to his brother, Reggie, and now to Ash, his greatest rival. It dulled the senses and battle urgency, made people lose sight of their goals... but never Dawn. Her goals, her work, never wavered while she rambled on about relationships.

It was Paul who was effected the most by her _need_. Paul wasn't oblivious. He was well aware of Dawn's increasing touches throughout their short time together after the party in Pallet Town. Her innuendos, her comments. The way she carried herself. Suddenly, the small passing conversations, yelling and tantrums turned into low-key flirting and Paul wasn't stupid. He knew.

Only, he refused to give in. He wasn't like Dawn. If he went down that path, it was a rocky one, for sure. There was already so much that he couldn't stand about himself, trying to fit his mayhem into her shiny world was a bad idea.

...so why couldn't he pull away? His stoic personality and quick temper was the complete opposite of the blue-haired woman. It took him yelling at her to chase her away, only to run back to her; for her to slam the nail in his coffin.

He remembered being so...hurt—and by that he meant relieved—to see her go after that night together. Dawn needed someone in her life that would play along to her antics; join her on silly adventures, attend shopping events, not someone that rolled his eyes every time she gushed in that impressively _cute_ way about pokemon-modeling. He tried so hard to make himself despicable in her eyes, and now, he hated himself for ever trying.

Great, self-loathing project, Paul, he really had everything worked out! Paul knew himself better than anyone, and someone as good as Dawn, would only be hurt by him.

That's why he knew, for Dawn's sake, or so he said, he had to cut ties. The only thing she had waiting for her with him, was pain, and heartache. Unfulfilled wishes, and rejection. Poetic as it was, he would never bring Dawn to his level. Not Dawn, not that happy-go-lucky woman he was so familiar with by this point.

Paul caught himself staring at where she was, and forced his feet to walk away.

Maybe he should be mad at her for leaving him the way that she did—but if she had stuck around, she would surely have grown to resent him. Most people did. The only exception to this rule was his pokemon—but he sometimes felt like they didn't know any better. He was so disconnected with society, the Hoenn league told him he didn't have to participate in any league meetings, he only had to show up for the occasional challenger.

That's what he wanted.

Right?

Paul, once again, kicked at the walk and rubbed his face. Sometimes, when it was dark and he was at his lowest, he felt like he wanted to change; dare he think it, be a bit more like Ash. Now, in the spirit of that, maybe a part of him planned to run to Goldenrod City to finally come clean, to finally be brutally honest and apologize for his behavior.

Not that he had anything to apologize for; she knew what she was getting into.

See, this is what he hated.

It consumed his very soul, thinking about Dawn now. Controlled his every thought.

Since that night a few months ago, he hadn't forgotten a moment. Dawn was his first kiss—he wasn't embarrassed to say that. And kissing her was just like he imagined it to be; not that he did. Kissing the sun. With every lean, she grew closer and closer, until finally, that warmth swallowed him up.

Yes, he was _hurt_ to discover that it was Dawn who ran away. It was Dawn who abandoned him when he finally accepted her.

But it was his fault, because he gave her a reason to run.

 _You're cold, and you're mean, and maybe if you weren't such an asshole you wouldn't have problems being in a relationship—or being friends!_

 _So, so you know what? I'm not sorry! You've been nothing but a jerk to me when I've been trying so hard to be nice to you! To think that I—I!_

Paul squeezed his eyes shut, trying to mute the sound of Dawn's echo. He had wanted to talk with her again about their unsavory actions the night prior, but when he saw her, he was overcome with such an unbridled fury, he surprised himself with his inability to respond.

He was hurt, that was normal, right? Feeling _hurt_. Honestly, he felt like if Dawn was here now, she would laugh.

Laugh because in his stupor, he was right where she was, outside the contest arena, watching her on the big screen as she posed for the camera and started her match.

Laugh, because after complaining about relationships, he was the one aching with want.

Laugh, because his poor excuse of a life was sheltered by a shell of stoicism that was far from normal.

Paul squeezed his eyes shut, and with a jerk, he left the contest hall, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Dawn. The only girl that ever successfully got under his skin—the second went to Misty Waterflower, but only because he might have been slightly terrified of the bold woman, not because she filled him with the same feelings of gracious excitement that Dawn did.

Paul never knew what he was missing until he met Dawn, and she opened his eyes to so much more than he was used to.

 _He hated it_.

Came all the way to Johto—only to back out—only to see that...that... _researcher_. Gary Oak, wasn't it? And Brock Harrison. Two people closest to Dawn, closer to Ash. A group Paul would never be welcome in—not as he was.

They caught him in action, caught him pinning—he couldn't deny his intention, not actually. When Gary approached him, he felt attacked and hostile. Like punching that smirk off his face was something a decent human being would do. Something that anyone but Paul would do—because Paul didn't care enough to start hitting people.

Paul was stoic, and cold...and mean.

He didn't punch people for insisting that he liked people—actually, Gary didn't imply he liked Dawn, just that he was looking for Dawn. Paul didn't like Dawn. He missed her company, the way her face lit up at camp fires, the awe in her voice when she would battle—how her little nuisance jabs were a safety net, the yin to his angry yang.

He wasn't _in love_ with Dawn. He missed her.

Scoffing, Paul chewed the inside of his lip, forcing himself to leave the area she was nearest.

That was all.

 **XOX**

Every morning Paul regretted his decision to drink the night prior. After his pining yesterday, he stumbled back to his hotel with a bottle of vodka and the decision to burn her image out of his mind the old fashioned way! Only now, he wanted to throw up. His body ached, he smelled of bad odor, and his head thumped loudly. Paul started drinking years before he was of age, and only recently he started doing it more often. To ease himself into sleep—if only it would curb the reoccurring nightmares.

Dawn. Everywhere.

He clutched his forehead, groaning and turning over to hide his face from the light.

How pathetic was he, laying down, rolling over, letting his emotions control him. He was stupid for ever having come to Johto region in the first place. He had no place here unless he was challenging the Elite Four, if he wasn't doing that, he should have left.

But he stuck around.

Clawing at the mattress, he forced himself up—his muscles flexing under the light. He moved with no grace to the small washroom tucked into the corner of his motel room, and struggled to find the shower. He left the lights off, since they were causing his eyes to bounce questionably and mauled the hot and cold tap relentlessly, head too foggy to figure out how to turn it into a shower, he collapsed into the tub, and kicked the stopper into the drain.

This was what he was reduced to: a league champion taking a _bath_ in the middle of ho-town Goldenrod City, looking for a girl who clearly had no intention of ever speaking to him, and had already traded him up for something _better_.

He was no professional, but those pictures floating around the television looked an awful lot like a certain fucking professor's prodigal grandson and not-the-girl-that-he-liked with blue hair. When he saw them initially, he was so caught up in his own anger, he arrived flying on dragonite without thinking. Paul didn't know where to start looking, just that he was here, and pissed off.

Knowing that somewhere, Dawn was in town, probably doing the same thing as him made his stomach churn—she probably already left, off to do greater, _better_ things.

A part of him wanted her to do better, greater things, and she certainly would have a better life with a pokemon professor than a dead-beat champion like Paul, anyways.

He should just go home, back to Sinnoh, challenge Cynthia and take over as regional champion. Paul waited for his muscles to guide him to the door, but they didn't budge, his toes wiggled in the hot water, but the rest of his body seemed comfortable soaking in the steaming tub for the rest of his visible life.

He _should_ leave.

But he didn't.

 **XOX**

The pharmacist who prescribed him medication for his _migraine_ told him not to take them after drinking alcohol—but what did she know? Paul wasn't interested in her concerns, he wanted the throbbing in his head to stop. If there was a medication for the emptiness in his stomach—he would also take that.

Instead, he found the nearest cafe, and ordered anything but sweet food, and of course, his extra-large black coffee, with a million espresso shots. Somewhere between "Just give me a large cup of espresso" the cashier got confused, and handed him a pint-sized drink.

Paul was asked to leave after throwing it back at the barista, and only then did he realize Johto was a mess. He refused to believe that he was the one being idiotic, because what _idiot_ didn't know that a large cup of espresso obviously meant a normal sized coffee—but the _good stuff_ instead. Not that Paul cared what people thought of him, but if it was socially acceptable to be drunk by 9:00am, he would have started the day by throwing back a vodka and gin.

 _Did he really hate himself so much he had to be drunk to spend time with himself?_ Oh the irony behind that statement, considering the comment that started this regression was telling Dawn to get comfortable being alone because he was _clearly_ the best at that!

Rubbing his temples, he felt the grating headache curb slightly as he swallowed a mouthful of water from the bottle he grabbed from a concession stand. Johto was famous for it's small street shops that seemed to be scattered everywhere down town, because opening a real shop, under a real roof, with real plumbing and windows was _too much_ for the entire Johto region. Instead, everyone and their second-rate pokemon had a stand at the side of the street, selling anything and everything.

In his hazy stupor, he stumbled downtown, and knew that he had made a grave mistake. There were so many people. Downtown was Paul's own personal hell, and he only survived by reminding himself what Dawn would do—and that was not using magmortar to blow the entire place up. He had been through Johto once already, and never imagined facing the league again, so walking the growing streets of Goldrenrod City again was akin to a punishment.

Who was he kidding?

Paul needed to leave, sticking around would never amount to anything, and if he wanted to drink himself to death, he could think of many better places—like the Kalos region, where he could compete in the league, and knock Ash off his throne. Not that it would make him feel any better, but he could have a nice laugh about it, watching boy wonder fall flat on his face.

Instead, Paul leaned against the bench, held the bottle of water to his lips, and thought of a victory over the recent champion that would replace the hole in his heart. After all, he sure liked beating people at their own games.

It wasn't like him to worry about people, or girls—he was striving to be the _real_ greatest pokemon master, after all. Ash talked a high game, but he was no-where near Paul's skill level, at least, not anymore. The kid had lost all sight, and all because of a girl.

Paul told himself he would never let that happen to him, not after Reggie, not after his defeat in Sinnoh. Certainly not now, and not ever. Paul had more now than he ever had before; skill, talent, a nearly unbeatable team. He hoped giving the mega-stones to Ash would remind the boy how much he loved battling, but from what Paul could see, Ash had forgotten about them. Forgotten about Paul, and their rivalry.

Alain _was_ the better rival, he supposed. After all, Alain could actually _use_ mega-stones. Paul could only collect them. Connecting with his pokemon? Impossible.

Caught up in his own head again, Paul shook off his thoughts, forced them into the smallest crevices of his mind, and took off again, this time, in the opposite direction of that morning. He would take every detour around the city, if that meant staying away from down town. He _hated_ crowds. Sometimes he thought that he hated people in general, a little anti-social, but Reggie used to toss around words like _asocial_ and introverted. Dawn was his living, breathing opposite, maybe that's why he was fascinated.

Not because he genuinely admired her confidence, poise, and work ethic. No, it was clearly because she was everything that he was not... not that he wasn't confident or...

His head hurt, and he had to stop thinking about Dawn. This would surely ruin him. Today was much, much worse because of the alcohol. He made a terrible decision.

Eventually, he found a seat at the edge of the forest, his stomach unsettled to the point that he felt the small breakfast, and lack of coffee returning to the back of his throat. He winced and leaned forward, smearing his face into his hands. He only imagined how he looked to the people around him—like some grueling monster hunched over on a bench, swearing.

Great example. It's no wonder the Hoenn region didn't even consider keeping him on, even as a consultant. Paul terrified people.

"Paul?" Great, to add to his complete and utter failure of a trainer, he was hearing voices.

"Paul?" the voice tried again, this time tugging on his shoulder. His eyes raced upward, and reached that of squinted eyes, and he wanted to fall into a hole.

Brock.

Of all the people. Paul breathed, forced down the vomit at the edge of his throat, and faced him with a scowl, pretending he wasn't as hungover as he was.

"What do you want?"

"Me? Oh, nothing. I was just wondering why you're collapsed under a tree. You look pretty sick." Brock sniffed twice. "Got into the booze, did'ya?"

Paul swatted his hand away, and scoffed.

"No. What made you think that?"

"You smell like alcohol, and you look like you're having the worst hangover of your life."

Paul's face flat lined, glaring relentlessly at Brock. _Go away_ , his expression read, but instead, Brock took that as a chance to sit down. He set his school pack beside him, and smiled at Paul whose glare hadn't faltered in the slightest.

"Congrats for winning in Hoenn, by the way."

"Thanks.."

"Did you have a party?"

"Why would I do that?"

"Hmm." Brock hummed, "Maybe that's just a nice way of saying you didn't have any friends that would plan a party for you."  
Again, with a scowl and glare so fierce, Paul could have burned holes through Brock's head.

"Dawn would have planned one for you."  
"Well _Dawn_ wasn't there!" He snapped, hearing her name on his lips made him absolutely livid.

Brock flinched that time.

"Man, it wouldn't kill you to lighten up a little, would it?"

It might kill him. He could implode really, there was no proof that said otherwise. Lightening up could very well kill him. Again, that might have been the hangover talking, his less sane and reasonable brain.

"Yes." he bit, clenching his teeth and hands to will his mind to focus. He had to leave. Stand up, and walk away. Instead, he sat rooted. His mind betrayed him; made everything turn in circles.

"I don't think that it would." Brock offered Paul a peace offering, a part of his sandwich, and against his better judgment, Paul took it.

"So, you and Dawn, huh?"

Paul took a bite of the sandwich and glared into the distance.

"Have you tried talking to her?" Brock asked, waited a few beats, and when Paul didn't answer he added.

"Have you tried talking at all?"

Paul gave him a look, feeling like he had lock jaw. A complete inability to speak. Brock was clearly on his way to school, and managed to find him. Paul should have hid behind the trees. Avoided this entire conversation.

 _Damn it._

Brock waited to see if Paul would bite at all, but when the Hoenn champion stayed focused on the sandwich and blowing grass, Brock sighed bitterly.

"You know... Dawn's a really good friend of mind, Paul, and I witnessed some very questionable decisions that she's made recently, she didn't really say why, or explain... but I don't think that she had to." Brock looked up at the sky, Paul watched him from the corner of his black eyes. "She's in a good place right now, I want nothing but the best for her."

Brock smiled, like a proud older brother then swiped his long hair back into a spike. "Dawn is getting ready to leave for Olivine City, finally focusing on herself, and I hate to see you so miserable but that fact that you're here it's just... concerning."

Earning his full attention, Paul looked worrisome at Brock, who took on a stony expression. "If you try to mess that up... I probably can't take you in a fight, but I've been told I can be very annoying."

"All I'm saying, is you're either in for the long haul, or you check out right now. You can't stalk her from the distance making both of you miserable. I won't let you push her into this kind of behavior again."  
Paul wanted to ask what kind of behavior, instead he nodded, listening to Brock's words. Maybe it was just the spinning in his head; speaking was still off the table.

Silence.

"...Do you love her?" Brock asked, rubbing his chin.

Paul rolled his eyes, sitting back with an exhale he wasn't too proud of, and a groan. No, he definitely wasn't in love with her. He wasn't in Goldenrod City because _he loved her_ he was here because he had business—business in the city that he had to attend to... like drinking, and skulking... and passing out drunk.

Paul rubbed his hair, folded his arms and closed his eyes. _...he might have been._

"I have no idea why." He finally spoke, and Brock smiled, with a pat on his shoulder.

"...So, what are you going to do if she doesn't feel the same way? That's why you're still here, right? Not just to get drunk and skulk around."

Paul tried to bury his surprise, but he was sure that his eyes betrayed him. _Damn, this Brock was good_.  
He hadn't really, thought of that. He thought he drove her away, scared her off—but he never thought it was because she didn't really care for him. Just that he made her leave. The grand all assumption was that she truly cared about him—but if she left...what if she never really liked him at all? After all, he barely liked himself.

"Alright, well... I have to get to class—so, see you around I guess—Daisy's wedding, right?"

With that, Brock dusted off his pants, shouldered his bag, and left Paul without another word. He didn't have to say anymore.

It wasn't Paul's feelings he was so terrified of. It was Dawn's. What if she didn't love him? She made it pretty clear what she thought of him—but that didn't mean that she didn't care. She would have never gotten so angry if she didn't like him _somewhat_ , right?

 **XOX**

Paul was never a knee-jerk reaction kind of guy, but after hearing that she was traveling, he was up and refocused. He drank a few bottles of water to clear his head on the way to the train station, spent some time talking himself up, running away in fear, running back in desperation; and a little more time than he would ever admit puking into a garbage can.

By the time he arrived at the station, the train was already boarded, and prepared to leave. He blatantly refused to buy a ticket, and rushed onto the train before his brain could convince his heart to behave.

If Paul was a decent human being, he would leave Dawn alone, let her move on with her life; find new, greener pastures. However, Paul was inherently selfish, and like all humans, had some level of want and _need_ to be accepted and loved.

Dawn was the only human he knew that never asked him to change, who accepted him for his hateful, intolerable self without asking for more, and yet, never put up with his garbage. With Dawn, he knew exactly where they stood until he screwed that up with a kiss and spiraling emotions.

He just wanted to give her what she had given him: acceptance. Only _maybe,_ he didn't really understand what Dawn wanted at all.

Wheezing when he pressed his back against the now-closed door of the train, the fact that he had been drinking the last few hours and sprinted to the train station was obvious. People circled around him—he probably smelled like vomit and booze, even after a long bath.

Maybe it was Dawn-sonar, but he found her immediately; she didn't bother to look up, completely entranced by her pamphet, and oozing that familiar confidence.

For a moment, he thought of Brock's words: How had her behavior changed? She seemed like the same old, determined, amazing Dawn—but in his months absence, maybe he missed something. Maybe she changed.

Maybe he just couldn't imagine her as anyone other than a ball of enlightenment.

When he took the seat beside her, she didn't look up or break concentration. She flipped a page in her book, and for a few moments, Paul thought: _This is alright. This I can manage_. Perhaps, he still had time to back out, like Brock said, if he wasn't in this for the long haul, what was he doing here? To confuse her more? Actually, he didn't think that he _did_ confuse her, it seemed like she had everything figured out; the perfect life...

"Paul..?"

 _Damn it._

Paul didn't turn completely, he couldn't even hold eye contact with her, in fact, he kept his eyes glued to the window that had passing trees and buildings. Stone-faced.

Dawn must not have thought that he heard her, because she put her book down and narrowed her blue eyes at him.

"Paul," she tried again, more assertively. "What are you doing here?"

 _Say anything_! He screamed at himself, closing his eyes and forcing himself to breath. All that running was still catching up with him, he could easily expel his guts all over the train floor, but instead, he forced himself to look at her, hoping she would understand the struggle he was under.

"You don't look well... are you okay?"

His lips fell further into a frown, genuine concern filled her eyes, and her brow knit tightly together in worry. Her hair was down over her shoulders, and she was wearing a pink-sweater that he didn't recognize and black tights.

 _God, what was he doing here_? His mouth opened, then closed, and repeated until her concern was slowly rounding into frustration, and he exhaled.

"Why did you leave?" _after that night, in general. Just answer the question._ Even though no one was interested in their conversation, he felt like all eyes were on him. He sounded as hoarse as he felt, and his shoulders slumped sluggishly.

"...I... _uh..._ " She cleared her throat, unprepared for a direct question, then a little confused. She kept her voice low. "...I...got scared, _I guess_."

Oh, great, he thought so. At least she didn't say it was because he was a big jerk—actually, hadn't she already said that? Why was he putting himself through this again?

"I...didn't mean to say what I did." A slight struggle, he managed to speak. Talking wasn't his strong suit, actually, he didn't have a lot of strong social suits; except stoicism, and apparently looking like an asshole.

"I know, and that's okay. It was a long night. We were both a little crazy."

He couldn't reply to that—he was actually perfectly coherent that night, and completely lying. Telling her he didn't mean what he said was like ripping off his own arm. For once, he wondered if this is what Ketchum felt like. Paul tried not to rub his face in frustration, instead, his fingers dug into the leather seat of the train.

"No, actually...I..." Now he did rub his face, and Dawn, seeing the struggle put a comforting hand on his shoulder that he almost immediately threw off. She was too warm, too electric.

At this point, why was he holding back? If he didn't speak now, he would probably lose her friendship forever, even if she didn't feel the same way, she could at least be around. Pinning after someone that didn't really like him back wasn't all so bad, at least he wouldn't be alone.

"I..." _Miss you. Messed up. Shouldn't have yelled at you. Should have treated you better._ "I'm a better person with you in my life."

Suddenly, the floodgates opened, and he couldn't stop the verbal garbage that fell from his lips.

"I mean, I know I don't offer much—I'm a jerk most of the time— _all of the time._ I tend to get tunnel vision and I'm very self-oriented and miserable...but I'm not as miserable when you're around."

"I'm not a great person, and I'm okay with that most of the time. I succeed because I don't... _feel_ things like normal people and for a long time that was fine—and then...you..." By the time he wrapped up his rant, he was looking ahead again. His eyes were shut and he was huddled into himself, squeezing his arms around his stomach.

"I had no right to treat you so poorly...I... I want to be better."

"I don't want you to change for me, Paul." Dawn grimaced, holding up far better than she ever thought that she would.

"It's not _for you_." he admitted honestly, his hard eyes softening. "It's for me. Since I met you and _the other two_ things haven't always been black and white, and you're the only person that has ever put up with me."

Before Dawn could refute that she didn't _just_ want to put up with him, because he knew that was coming, he added in: "You're the only _real_ friend that I've ever had."

"I never really thought of us as friends." Dawn laughed quietly, though that comment made his heart sour and the hope turned into disgust at himself as she continued, realizing what she said cut deep.

"I just mean, you have a funny way of treating your friends; I never knew if we were or not, or if I was just a pest following you around."

She might have been—he found her infuriating more times than not, but he preferred to have her around, dragging him to places far out of his comfort zone than not at all... but that wasn't fair to ask of her, either. Instead of replying directly, he continued.

"These last few months without you have been the worst of my journey. I have never had a companion other than pokemon and you were so different, I wasn't used to it. That didn't mean you were _annoying_."

Dawn smiled faintly at that, but it didn't change how he treated her. He couldn't take back the remarks, or the behavior.

"I tried so hard to get you to open up, when you finally did, I realized it wasn't what I wanted."

Paul closed his eyes, inhaling the air. He expected to hear that. By this point, the full palm of her hand was on the center of his back, a motion he found comforting now, but disturbing before. She didn't move her fingers or try to sooth him; she simply placed her hand there and exhaled quietly.

"I'm sorry for betraying your trust. It's something I've been...working on." Finally, he heard the change in her voice, semblance of her change in behavior.

"I messed up a lot, too." he finally confessed and that somehow brought a smile to Dawn's face, who probably found a ton of irony in that comment. They both sat back, silently bundled in their own thoughts.

"Even if you don't feel the same way that I do, I still want you to be around. I don't want to lose you."

Dawn chuckled under her breath. "I found myself saying that to someone recently, too."

Then, she inhaled bravely, and removed her hand from his back, and cupped them over her knees.

"...but as we are right now, we're toxic. I'm not understanding enough, and you're not open."

Paul could have begged to differ on at least one of those parts—Dawn was very understanding, she had to be on some level, otherwise, she would have never dealt with him as long as she did—the point, was there shouldn't have been so much work without reciprocation.

He would have told her, but somehow, his throat was closed off hearing only _rejected_ echo in his mind, and so he clenched his fists and glared at the floor.

Dawn wiggled in her seat momentarily, thoughts racing through her head until she finally nodded.

"I _do_ like you Paul, that's why this isn't easy. I have no idea why. Technically, and you probably realize it, too. I shouldn't. We're not a good match, and _lately_ I haven't been making very good choices to reflect this." Her knuckles were white, she grasped her knees so tightly. He envied how good she was with words, and worst of all, he wasn't upset by her honesty. If anything, he respected her more for it.

"I...I have to be on my own for awhile." She inhaled a shaky breath, "I need some time."  
"What can I do to make it better?"

Dawn hiccuped. "...Paul..." She looked at him, eyes watery. "Just be comfortable by yourself, for yourself, for a little while."

He laughed at the irony of those words being said back to him and shook his head slightly, but then nodded against the pain in his neck.

As a closer, Dawn added: "Back then, I think maybe you were right about a few things."  
"I think you were, too." he answered and offered her a very rare smile before standing up and marching to the door, only to realize that the train was still moving, and sat back down. He looked at her awkwardly and pursed his lips.

"I'll get off at the next stop."  
Dawn smiled back at him and nodded, glad that there was some _normalcy_ between them.  
"Yeah."

But at least it wasn't awkward, or anything.

 **XOX**

Gary, who was on Dawn's other side during the conversation, felt like he was eavesdropping, and tried to disappear into his papers while _trying_ not to listen.

If he was being honest, he expected this entire thing to turn into a dramatic scene. Dawn would shout, Paul would retaliate, they would yell, somehow Gary would get dragged into it, get punched in the jaw, Dawn would cry—then he remembered. Not everyone was Ash and Misty, and for once, he respected Paul as much as Dawn.

He had stones, that was sure, to get onto a moving train, to talk to someone he hadn't seen in months; to explain himself, and somehow not apologize? Maybe Gary wasn't understanding the full story, but it seemed like Dawn was the one guilty of screwing up their twisted friendship—but he wasn't so sure.

Both partners were equally at fault here. Paul for being too stationary, and Dawn for being far too active. Complete opposites, and yet somehow they matched.

Gary would never understand romance, and maybe that was why he was destined to be single for the rest of his life. Maybe that was his problem—he gave up too easily. At any sight of friction, he gave up the ghost. Maybe he needed to put himself out there more.

After all, if a guy like Paul Shinji could do it, what was stopping Gary? For a moment, he dared to look over at the two of them, now that the conversation was over, they sat quietly. Paul crossed his arms, stared vehemently out the window, and Dawn read her book religiously. No one spoke—there was no immediate make-up.

It was like neither of them recognized that the other person was even in the same room, let alone the same planet.

Space, did it really make the heart grow fonder? Would they really grow from this or would it open a new wound and leave a gaping hole where the stitches fell out of the last one?

Then, because Gary had to have the last word, he reached over Dawn, pointing at Paul.

"Hey, did you buy a ticket for this ride?"

Paul turned aggressively at Gary, and Dawn inched backwards in her seat.

He just couldn't let it go, could he?

 **Author's Note:**

Like last time, this was written mostly to full completion in the middle of summer, touched in the fall, and completed now. That means the writing might be al ittle everywhere for the first little bit, but I think the kinks were worked out by the end of the chapter. Sorry guys! I'm still workin on it!

So I finally get it. I finally understand the appeal in ikarishipping.

I enjoyed writing Paul this chapter. I feel like he is a character that would have to stew on his thoughts for DAYS before anyhting good comes from them. I also feel like Paul isn't a mean or harsh person, but he comes off that way because he isn't great with 's like he said, he and Dawn were opposites. Complete. Opposites. I also had this full circle idea from the very beginning; how Dawn chases after any type of romance like she was doing, only realize it wasn't what she wanted, and for Paul to realize that maybe opening up to possibilities wouldn't be so bad. Paul is more or less where Dawn was at chapter 5, and Dawn is where Paul was then. Their roles reversed. I know a few people probably don't like what happened with the DawnxPaulxGary triangle thing, but I felt like it added a little diversity to the characters story lines, and allowing the characters to grow in ways they otherwise wouldn't. Especially Dawn, who learned a lot about herself. And Gary, who did as well.

Anywho

Next time, we get back to Ash. Huzzah huzzah

NINT


	30. Chapter 30: Ash

**Equanimity Chapter 30**

Ash was honestly not sure how much more of this he could take.

He put on the fake smiles, the big shows. He carried on as if nothing in his life changed. After all, what else was he supposed to do? He couldn't stop. Couldn't shut down.

 _He had to keep going_.

"Pikachu, dodge right, follow it with iron tail!"

Across a sheltered battled ground, Ash shouted, raising his arm high. At the center field, the yellow rodent bounced fiercely away from his opponent, a powerful corsola. The opposing pokemon and trainer took notice of Pikachu's quick action a moment too late, and Ash found himself wondering once again, how anyone managed to win the league, if they couldn't keep up with pikachu.

Falling high from the sky, with a twist and screech, pikachu landed a critical hit on top of the coral pokemon's spikes, slamming him hard into the ground before his trainer knew what to say—some glasses totting kid, picking a fight on the wrong day.

Perhaps it was the choice of pokemon—as corsola was a certain girl's-who Ash would not think of in the middle of a battle—star battler. Ash wasn't petty enough to force his rage onto innocent battlers, but if someone had watched him today—they might have thought otherwise.

In the stands, he could hear the Elite Four whisper under their breath. Most commonly, the phrase " _is he usually this aggressive in battle?"_

No. The water pokemon trainer just picked a really bad day—in fact, Ash couldn't fathom why anyone would want to be _just a water pokemon trainer_ in the first place!

"It's okay corsola, you gave it your all!"

 _Last pokemon_ Ash thought to himself, reeling in a breath and cocking his head to the side. One of his scheduled battles with a trainer from another region—this one was from the Hoenn region.

"Vaporeon, I choose you!"

 _Ah, a classic_. Without words, pikachu looked up at Ash, wondering what the game plan was—but clearly, it hadn't changed. A staggering six to zero would be a new record for Ash, the Elite Four might even be a little scared. Then again, pikachu was Ash's powerhouse, and they were overly efficient when they were both upset.

No, this trainer picked the wrong day to attempt to earn passage into the Kalos region—since Ash was pulling no punches.

 **XOX**

Staring at himself in the reflection of the battle halls bathroom mirror was a sight for sore eyes. The bags under his eyes drooped for miles, his hair was a ratted nest beneath his hat, and he was pale. He was losing his suntanned skin, apparently. Lack of traveling would cost him a lot of things, even his complexion—not that his skin tone was the first of his worries. After the intense battle, pikachu was in recovery with the resident Nurse Joy even though he didn't take any damage, and Ash took refuge anywhere but in the public eye.

For a little over three weeks, he hadn't so much as made a public appearance, people were probably starting to think he had died. Meanwhile, the young fans that knew he wasn't dead, started a web page and called him every name under the sun; including a diva. Ash didn't even know what that last one was!

No, death had not taken him and while he might be behaving a bit over-dramatic, he also wasn't a jerk. Breaking up with his girlfriend _and_ best friend had taken a toll on his mental health. The last time Ash was this depressed, he was too young to remember it because it was right after his dad left. He was depressed, and he would have been lying if he said otherwise. _She who could not be thought of at the moment_ believed the break up was mutual, but Ash was still trying to wrap his head around how it happened in the first place.

Well, he _knew_ how, obviously. He wasn't stupid. Ash knew for sometime this was an option, probably before Misty did. Only, Ash prayed they could have patched up the holes before the ship capsized and sunk. So did pikachu—if anyone was taking it as hard as Ash was, it was pikachu. The pokemon still preformed well in battle— _too good_ , actually. Ash worried that the pokemon was going over the deep end, since Misty left, he hadn't been himself. Lethargic, aggressive, and moody.

Regrettably, Ash couldn't say he was much better.

The hardest part of moving on after a break up, not that Ash had much experience in it, was wondering who he was supposed to talk to when the dust settled. Misty had her sisters—Tracey, maybe even Brock, seeing as she kept in contact with everyone much better than he ever had—and Ash had Gary, and Brock. Maybe May or Dawn if he was _really_ pushing it. However, Ash knew how each conversation would play out.

Gary would chastise him; _what did you do_? He would follow with a stern scolding, and ensure Ash that he would be fine and not to be a big baby. He would probably tell Ash to apologize.

Brock was realistically the same. The conversation would start with Brock asking what _Ash_ did wrong, followed quickly by _go fix it_ , then after some minor explanation, because there was still some details Ash was wrapping his own head around, Brock would still insist that Ash go fix it first. Misty is stubborn, she needs to be pushed sometimes—and _blah, blah, blah._

 __Really, he wasn't in the mood to listen to Brock's wondrous views of his relationship with Misty. After all, Brock clearly had more faith in them than either of them did themselves!

There was always Clemont, but he didn't want to bother the new gym leader with his issues, the kid had finally gotten his gusto back for running the gym. Ash didn't want to drag him down.

Then there was the case of May and Dawn. While May would openly exclaim 'fix it'; she wouldn't pick sides because she would _never_ pin him and Misty against one another by saying that it was either of their faults, but she would also have no advice, either. More than likely, she would end the phone conversation with calling Misty, and demanding that she _also_ fix it. May was nothing if not reliable.

Dawn, on the other hand, would not pull punches in blaming Misty. While the blue-haired wonder may have called Misty for support, when it came to Ash, Dawn was always on his side—by his side. At first, he thought he really wanted someone to vent to, to have the same anger as he did boiling at the pit of his stomach—but he also did not want to paint Misty in a bad light.

After all, a relationship consisted of two people, and if Ash had been putting forth all his effort, the situation wouldn't have gotten so dicey.

No, even if he wanted to put the blame on Misty, he wasn't fool enough to exclude his faults. If Ash could, he would redo the last five months. He would try a little harder, call more often, take a damn plane ride.

Not that it mattered now, he already established how much his selfless-selfish roots had seeded, and he wasn't interested in anyone's advice. Ash was a bad boyfriend, Misty was socially attacked and he did nothing to change it; or help it, or even admit that he realized it was a problem. He avoided trips to see her, believed his position and title to be more important than her own, and on a very long list of importance, let the loyal redhead fall somewhere at the end.

Apparently, it was normal to blame himself, or so pikachu had told him over and over again. It _was_ as much Misty's fault as it was his. She bottled everything up, she refused to rely on him, she refused to trust him. Half the time, she could have made as many calls as he could have—she could have insisted that he come down—talked him into it. For as much as he could have tried harder, she could have, too.

Instead, she was the one who weaseled out—got too scared and cut the strings.

Perhaps, it was her leniency and panic that angered him the most. Relationships had problems, especially his and Misty's—they _always_ had problems! Yet, she was the one who ran when it got tough. Not Ash, the most inexperienced man alive when it came to relationships. While knowing how awful he was at them, she _still_ hiked up her shorts and ran away. After insisting that she wouldn't—after fighting with him for so long. After coming back into his life, making him fall for her all over again—just to rip his beating heart right out... Ash tore the paper towel in his hand, and felt the warm tears pooling at the corners of his eyes.

 _Damn it, not again_. He swore, swiping at the wetness with his gloves.

This is why he hated thinking, this is why he never got wrapped up in his thoughts. Ash hated that he wore his emotions on his sleeves: cried so carelessly, angered so easily. He was _trying_ to understand how this all happened, but internal conflicts were not his forte—he was better at acting, and figuring it out as he went—only, he couldn't figure it out if she wasn't around to fix it with him! Then...the idea of going on without her in his life was just.. it made him sick.

"Pikapi pikachu?" The mouse squeaked for him, and Ash knew he had to get a hold of himself. His first public appearance since the renouncing of that _look a like_ that nearly cost him his job was coming up in the broadcast hall where he had his first interview.

Well...at least it was fun while it lasted.

"Yeah, I'm in here, buddy. Just finishing up." On cue, the mouse popped into the dark bathroom, ears twitching. "You know how worked up battles get me. I can't go on TV all sweaty; what would mom say?"

A twinkle formed in pikachu's eye, the reminiscence of a laugh that never reached his vocal cords. Eagerly, he plopped onto Ash's shoulder as the trainer wiped his nose, adjusted his cap, and exhaled loudly.

"Well, now's a better time than ever, huh?" pikachu heard the strain in his voice, and as a result, his ears lowered, but Ash put it out of his mind, forced his eyes to stop watering over, and stepped into the hall way.

Once out, he was chaperoned to a limousine, seated with the other five members of the upper ring of the Kalos region, and driven to the same television network with an interview with the same woman as before. Ash didn't try to make conversation with his co-workers anymore; they _always_ stuck their nose up at him, though he would be lying if he didn't feel some joy at their expressions.

He knew the questions would come, they always did: _and how is your girlfriend?_

 _Well, do you want me to answer it honestly, because let me write you an essay, and I've never written one of those before_! He was so spiteful it was scary, he felt his neck go limp, and his chin hit his chest. Ash hated this feeling in his gut, the stabbing sensation in his chest. He could never remember feeling so torn apart when he and Serena broke up.

Then again, Misty was there to pick up the pieces, now, he had no one. No one but pikachu, and he had to give the mouse his gratitude, because no one stuck to his side like his one true companion. Not to mention, since their _break up_ , Ash was learning to see his job and title in a new light. He was nothing more than a pawn to the league he was so devoted to.

The Kalos region was the only region where the league champion stuck around until his replacement; since the region was more decorated and respected—revolving around the idea of mega evolution—they expected a lot from their champions, no matter how limited their time at the top. Ash had already spent nearly half his time in the seat running errands and being a pretty face on a camera for everyone to see. Since his stunt a few weeks ago, however, the amount of work he had to accomplish was greatly diminished. Actually, outside of a few test battles for Kalos league entries, he had remained faceless, rotting in his hotel room.

Maybe they hoped that time away would give the world a chance to realize that he wasn't trying to make a complete ass out of himself. Then again, it might have been because the region realized that Ash wasn't as interested in his position as he was initially. Especially not after everything that had happened.

When they pulled up to the news station, Ash stepped out without missing a beat, forgetting that the door was supposed to be opened for him. He ignored the large gathering of people with a few waves of his hand, and thought of how strange and normal it felt. Before, he got excited over the attention and recognition, now he felt like a trapped animal. An exhibit in a zoo. Pikachu seemed to pick up on his emotional wavelength, because he tucked himself behind Ash's neck, trying to avoid the cameras.

Maybe it was because instead of chants of valor and applause, he listened to them whisper, mock his name, shun his title; all because he stopped smiling and being the perfect poster boy of the Kalos region. _What's wrong with Ash Ketchum?_ They spoke in unison to their cameras.

Stepping into the building again, he was met with a terrible contrast of grays that clashed with his blues, especially his red cap.

"What are you doing here dressed like that?" his manager practically wheeled around to focus his angry eyes on Ash, the latter giving a rugged sigh and looking over his clothes.

"I just came from an entry match, didn't have a lot of time to change."

The man looked overly pained, as if he had aged by simply seeing Ash show up in casual street clothes. "It'll have to do. You're on in five—don't make an ass of yourself, okay? Just get through this _one_ interview without...just... just read the teleprompter, okay?"

Had Ash not known this man as he did, he would have confused the worried tone for concern about Ash's well being, but Ash knew the only concern the leading executive manager of the Kalos region's pokemon league had, was concern for himself. Ash swallowed his tongue to defy it the sarcastic remarks he so desperately wanted to spew, and instead forced a smile.

"Whatever you say, boss."

"That's what I want to hear, Ketchum."

The man pushed Ash toward the stage, where he was met with rows of eyes staring beady up at him, some of which immediately started gushing over him, despite the headlines. Despite the events. Ash found his way to the uncomfortable leather chair that made his back sweaty, and plopped into his seat, counting back from one thousand. If he got through this, he could go home and mope in silence. This was the last interview he was scheduled for, and if he did was the old man said, he could probably get out of interviews for the rest of the time he was league champion.

The bubbly news caster from before stepped in, and he immediately realized the change in appearance. Her hair was bright, vivid red, she wore a short white skirt, with a matching white blouse and her skin was pale. Ash felt his stomach flip, and felt the need to puke. He stared at the coffee table, because it didn't remind him of Misty.

"Hello, it's wonderful to see you again, Ash."

"You, too, Kathleen."

"Oh, please. Call my Kathy." She took a seat across from him, avoiding handshakes as Ash leaned back. Pikachu perched on the coffee table, nibbling on the cookies that she had prepared for the show. The mouse immediately spit them out—apparently, they were for looks only.

"Now, your manager already walked you through the questions today, right?"

"No, but I've been asked to use the teleprompter."

"Wonderful, so we won't have anything like last time?" Maybe he was hearing things, but she sounded slightly disappointed.

"I thought our interview went pretty well last time." Ash offered her a wide smile to hide the contempt, but when she smiled back, he realized his sarcasm floated up and over her head.

"Great!" She pointed to the cameras. "We're ready in five...four...three...two..."

They must have been as eager to get this over with as he was. His five minutes were up, now he was in the aftermath portion; after today, he only had a few more months as the league champion, unless the next league winner didn't defeat him—and given the _fun_ he was having, Ash might forfeit.

"Ash Ketchum here with us today, the fabled Kalos region hero—bringer of justice to Team Flare, savior of the people, and league champion in his mid-way assessment." Winking, she looked from the camera, to Ash, where she flattened the wrinkles in her skirt, and started talking again. Ash immediately felt the heat of the spotlights. He was burning up, with no relief from the weather. He was used to crowds, but typically he was battling pokemon, not looking at their tiny, dark faces.

"Over the last couple of months, you've had a few great changes in the league—non greater than the tournament you sponsored. I hear that it went over well? What are your thoughts on that."

Ash glanced hopefully to the teleprompter, but it only had _free style_ written on it, and he would have smacked his head if his arm wasn't sticking to the leather arm rest. If he looked as uncomfortable as he felt, he couldn't wait for the media to eat him alive.

"They're talking about making another one soon. So, that's good, I guess?"

"Mhm," She brushed off his answer, Ash gulped.

"So the last time we spoke, you mentioned that you felt trapped here, that you were unhappy with how the Kalos region was handling itself. Does that have anything to do with the incident last month where you competed in an underground tournament and caused general mayhem in the neighboring cities?"

 _Figures_. Ash wanted to roll his eyes, but was impressed by his ability to restrain himself. Even after he tried to deny the claims, people were not oblivious. He couldn't deny the accusations like the teleprompter was encouraging him. He was wondering if Misty was watching this right now—to see what that little stunt did to his reputation. If she was upset that hers was ruined, she could be thankful that they botched his completely!

"You know, I already-" He refrained, found himself teetering. "I was told that I should lie about that incident, and most of you know that I tried to do just that but... you know—Apparently it didn't work."

The crowd chuckled, but Kathy didn't seem impressed that he dodged her question via the teleprompter.

"Then if you don't mind me asking, what _is_ your opinion on underground tournaments?"

Ash shrugged, finally looking at her.

"They don't bug me, and they don't really cause any _real_ problems for the league."

Kathleen pursed her lips, looking at her notes—the first answer she wasn't prepared for, but Ash had a feeling she was more interested with a raw, exciting interview than anything prearranged.

"So, was your attendance an act of rebellion against the Kalos league?"

"No. Honestly, I was just having fun. I hadn't battled in a few months and I was going a little stir crazy..." Ash scoffed as he tried to think of a good way to describe the situation, without adding Misty's encouragement into the mix. "I came here to battle and become a better trainer...not to sit on my hands and treat other trainers like I'm better than them—because I'm not."

A chuckle floated around the room, even Kathy laughed. "I suppose not, but your track record says otherwise. You have quite a few victories under your belt."

"Yeah, and only one successful championship—there are a ton of other trainers way more powerful than me, including the Kalos Region's Elite Four members."

Genuinely intrigued, she sat back, crossing one leg over the other and smiling as she said: "So you have no remorse for breaking the rules so long as there's room for improvement?"

Ash had to think—when she put it that way, he could make himself sound worse than he was... but when the thought that entering an unqualified tournament was against the rules and punishable by law for all who participated crossed his mind. He scoffed, again.

"...No, I guess not. I don't see what the big deal is."

The crowd mumbled under their breath, and Ash nestled into his chair. Beside them, his manager was chewing his lip, probably praying that Ash had something up his sleeve—some moral compass he hadn't thought of.

"Aren't you worried about what the media is going to say about that? Especially fellow league officials?"

"Not really—I mean, what's the worst they could do? They can't _technically_ fire me, and reporters have already seen who I really am now—so... If someone has a problem, maybe the league should re-evaluate how they choose political figures?"

As a second thought, Ash raised his finger thoughtfully and added: "And if my track record is public, it only takes like three sentences into any search engine to see most of my questionable past. I mean, I once destroyed an entire theme-park that displayed giant pokemon with two of my best friends at the time. Putting on an ill-fitting dress and participating in an 'illegal' tournament is one of the more tame mistakes that I've made." He gestured with his fingers 'illegal' while Kathleen raised her eyebrows, and smirked, finally intrigued.

"You really have a very colorful past—is that why you feel trapped as a league champion?"

"No."

Surprised by his own abruptness, Ash sat back, he felt like he was on fire—but blindly ignored the teleprompter's insistence to shut his mouth.

"I feel trapped because it's holding me back, not because it's preventing me from behaving like a child. I'm not scared of settling down, I'm scared of giving up. Losing my dream."

Ash waited for his words to sink in before continuing. Apparently, as she wet her lips, Kathleen did not imagine this interview going this way, since Ash was so even-tempered and shy during his last visit.

"It's not the league's fault, they're only doing what they're supposed to do—hold meetings, attend parties, participate in press conferences, prepare social events and tournaments, test the new trainers—you know, contain the masses, provide services for trainers around the world so that the reputation of the Kalos' prestigious league is withheld."

"Really, once you win as league champion, you become a celebrity over night—it's not much more than a popularity contest, but when you win, they expect you to know how to behave like a politician or professional without ever having been one before. I can honestly say that I'm not ready to mentor, I'm still learning." Ash inhaled, trying to get his thoughts together.

Pikachu finally took comfort on his knee, Ash fixed his hat, even when his executive manager urged for the cameras to be shut off. However, with a twitch of her finger Kathleen kept the cameras rolling, intent on getting the full story this time.

"I'm an idiot..." He exclaimed proudly, a wide smile on his face. "...for ever thinking that I could stay in a stuffy little city, around a bunch of people several years older than me, pretending to understand anything about the events I've been dragged to. In time, I could probably learn the ropes, figure out the political agenda, behave according to their standards but I mean... this isn't me." He gestured to himself.

"I beat Alain in a rematch wearing jeans and a ball-cap. I came here to win—but I honestly don't care about the illegal tournaments, or restrictions, or deciding who is and isn't worthy of participating in the Kalos league. I'm also not ashamed to admit that I joined an unsupported or illegal, or whatever you want to call it, tournament. They're not even illegal in most other regions—just here, because we're fancier."

Kathleen's mouth opened, then closed, she looked at Ash's boss, who was throwing a massive tantrum, and Ash leaned forward. He needed to get all of this off his chest.

"But you want to know what's the worst part? A steady paycheck isn't worth the stress; at least, it isn't for me. Working every weekend so that the actual members of the league can have a day off, playing dodge the paparazzi at every corner and hiding in your hotel, waiting for a phone call so you don't miss any events..." As he trailed off, he felt uncomfortable in his skin, sickly and nervous. Never had he been so stressed in his life—he never wanted to. This wasn't a life for him. He shuddered at the next few thoughts. He felt the air squeezed right out of him.

"And while you're trying _really_ hard to juggle all of these things because you've never had to before, they expect greatness right away but you're not very good at them... So you forget what's important so you can prioritize what they tell you is important... so you stop doing the things you love, like battling, and traveling. Your girlfriend breaks up with you, and you act out to get away, and instead of caring—the league punishes and ridicules you publicly-"

The lights shut down, and the man Ash had accidentally painted as a tyrant barreled out of the back room.

"You get off that stage right now!" Only now that he had been snapped out of his sputter, did Ash feel mildly insane.

 _What in the heck did he just do?_ He looked over his shoulder to the man barreling at him with full speed, spouting angry words. The heat must have melted his brain.

"Do not air that!" He screamed at Kathleen, who was still struggling to understand all of the news that had been thrown at her. She was grinning, this was the best interview ever! Everyone loved drama!

"And you!" he addressed Ash with an angry finger. "Get out of my sight! I don't want to see you in the Kalos region again—you'll be paid out the rest of your royalties, but you are _banned_ for insubordination."

Immediately, all of the anger boiling up inside of him erupted, and he was out of his seat and glaring. He might have screamed back, but Ash wasn't given a chance.

"I should have known that some farm boy couldn't withhold our values! You're a great battler, but with your immaturity, you'll never succeed as a champion!"

Ash reeled backwards, holding pikachu tight to prevent the mouse from clawing out the man's eyes, or thunderbolting him. In fact, most of the people in the audience who witnessed the ordeal stood on their feet, and started cheering _for_ Ash.

"Your job was more than just some figure head, you had responsibility—and you couldn't accept it."

"Yeah, well. Maybe you should consider training people instead of just throwing them blindly into the wild." Ash was seething. "As some farm boy from Pallet—I quit!"

And with that, he turned, and walked away.

"Don't you walk away from me!"

"You just told me to leave!" Ash shouted back, running before his legs stopped carrying him, before he talked himself out of his decision.

 **XOX**

Well, it was aired—some of it, anyways, at least not accurately. Reports were flying around like wildfire, but as quickly as they were reported, they were stomped out by the league. The only thing that had made it to the surface was Ash's face as he stormed out of the building, and took off on charizard's back. The reason why he fled the scene so quickly was still a great area of dispute—people in the audience were urged to bite their tongues by administrators, but Ash was happy to see how much his outburst had circulated—from a vent, to an actual debate. Even if they couldn't talk about the event in question—namely, Ash's very public meltdown—the urgency of _overworking_ their league employees was a hot topic; from allowing winners of a pokemon battle authority, to how fickle fame was, debates sparked over the nation.

Ash's phone had started ringing non-stop.

First from the same man that had asked him to leave, then from the assistant, and finally from the Elite Four members—a few hours had passed before he received any remarks from his friends; the first and only being from Brock.

"So, what'd you break this time?" was the obscure text message that Brock left for him to see while Ash packed his bags and gathered his clothing from the hotel room.

Ash was surprised to find himself not immediately replying, his fall back the last few months after breaking up with Misty, and during the worst of his time as champion, was to sulk in his room, watching television and reading corny and terrible books. Right now, as he threw his clothes into tight knots, packed away his sleeping bag and stuffed rations into his pockets; he felt alive. The sky was the limit, and he was going anywhere and every where the very second his sneaker hit the floor.

Hell! He might even leave through the front doors instead of sneaking out like he had the last few months, after all, he wouldn't mind greeting his fan group for the first and last time.

"So pikachu, are you ready to get out of Lumiose City?"

"Pika!" The mouse chirped so happily, it took a weight off his shoulders the size of the world.

"Great, let's go see the ocean—you know, I bet we could get to Unova in a day or two with charizard—oh, maybe even Sinnoh! We could go compete in some of those _underground_ tournaments again!"

"Pikachu pi!" the mouse squeaked pumping up his small arms as Ash barged through the door, made a hasty exit and let the fresh air fill his lungs.

It only took reaching rock bottom, losing out on his friends, his adventures, his journey— _his dreams_ and his girlfriend—but he felt like himself again. Full of vim and vigor, and like the world had something to truly fear from Ash Ketchum.

 **Author's Note** :

Ash's 'boss' is never named, for a number of reasons. Giving a face to the person Ash views as a monster gives leniency and background story. Never naming Ash's boss gives the impression that Ash both doesn't really _care_ and that they view him as another pawn in the passing.

In the mean time, Ash finally broke away? I felt like it was very important to showcase the idea that Ash is not, and would not be ready to settle down at 18. So often he's already found his dream, or stops at champion and sits there—or magically has a cure for becoming a pokemon master...but...how about just restarting? What if the beginning was just as important as the end? The journey was more important than the goal.

I also think it's important to touch on the basics here: Ash knew that he could have done better, knows that Misty could have done better. He's not ungrateful for his time spent at the league, he learned a lot—but that doesn't mean he wants to stay, either, and it's not fair for them to put so much on him. Not to mention, Ash realizes that even though they aren't technically doing anyhting wrong, nothing different than any other league champion—Ash isn't ready for it. Ash isn't prepared for the responsibility that it required to be the head of anything. After all, he's still learning, and can't stop now.

ENJOY

NINT

 **2018-06-17** : Starting on this day, I've gone back to edit and change some of the previous chapters to fit more with the 2018 revisions created by the loss of my previous saved versions of the story. I won't be changing too much, but if a new reader picks it up, this story, in particular, won't be so broken up.


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